Chapter Text
Seungkwan kind of wished he hadn’t debuted at this point in his career. In fact, he wished he didn’t even exist at all. As Seungkwan the artist, Seungkwan the team member, Seungkwan the person. He wished he would just sink into his bed, never to come back out.
Seungkwan can’t even remember when it got this bad. All of his days blurred together now. He’s a shell of the former star he used to be; light dimmed as it fell from the night sky. Maybe he would turn back into a star though. Maybe he’d be placed right next to his best friend in the endless sky. He dreamed of it, for that’s all he could do anymore.
🖤
It all started when their former manager relayed to the group that he was going to retire. He had been their main manager since their debut, and he felt like it was time to move on to greater things; which entailed opening his own small cafe near the outskirts of Seoul and spending his days in coffee-filled bliss. Everyone was sad to see him go, and maybe a little distraught, but they didn’t let it show and instead sent him off with warm smiles.
It wasn’t long until they were assigned a new manager from the company, much to Seungkwan’s dismay as it almost immediately seemed like he held some kind of vendetta towards Seungkwan. Disgusted glances, general animosity, even occasionally a snarl at a comment Seungkwan made. Seungkwan immediately noticed, but frankly didn’t care. If his manager didn’t like him, that sounded like a him problem instead of a Seungkwan problem.
Well. He didn’t let it bother him until the abuse that is.
At first, it was just verbal. Insults whispered under his breath, critical comments on his performance. Seungkwan should’ve stopped it there. He figured it would stop there, because the man seemed more like a gossiper than anything else. Seungkwan could take a few jabs at himself, as long as he didn’t think about them anymore than what they were: jealous comments meant to bring the idol down.
But then, the rumors started. And Seungkwan was starting to get a little annoyed.
“Did you hear Seungkwan from Seventeen loves one of his members?”
A lie. He loves all of his members. And certainly not in a romantic way.
“I heard Seungkwan sleeps with one of his members every night in their dorm.”
It was one time; after he had a nightmare he slept with Dino to reassure himself it was nothing but a dream. They shared a room, sometimes night time cuddles were a necessity.
One rumor got to him the most though.
“I heard he confessed to Vernon but he rejected him.”
That one was just a whole other level of stupid . They were best friends, nothing more. Seungkwan would even dare call their bond one of family, like twin brothers. Closer-knit than most brothers, but still separate beings on their own. Seungkwan would never imagine himself in that kind of relationship with Vernon.
🖤
Seungkwan decided to let the rumors quietly die down without taking any action. Eventually they would pass away if he paid them no mind; he never tried to convince anyone they weren’t true, it was just a waste of time for Seungkwan.
But the whispers were starting to get annoying after a while. And Seungkwan was starting to get very easily annoyed.
It was hard enough to process this newfound hostility toward him from their new manager, but on top of that he also had to worry about these rumors affecting his work.
He started to sink into himself. He didn’t want to; he really didn’t want to. But it’s not like he had much say in the matter.
At first, it was small things no one would mostly notice. Stopping his laughter way before the joke stopped being funny, fiddling his fingers, barely making eye contact with anyone. They were little things, but anyone with a keen eye would probably conclude something was wrong with him. But, his twelve best friends were busy preparing for their comeback, so he didn’t hold it against them that no one noticed. He’d hoped no one would notice at all, but he didn’t expect his members to be that clueless.
A couple of days pass when the rumors start to get worse. By now, they’ve spread throughout the company, even the idols probably heard. It was a miracle that no outside news sources had caught wind of the rumors yet. Most days, Seungkwan just did his job in the routine he had gotten used to over the years and didn’t pay anyone else much mind. But between the cautious looks of the stylists, and the whispers of the other staff, Seungkwan felt like the pressure was burning into his skin.