Work Text:
i.
“Are you... Tony Stank?”
Tony looked at the carefully packed package on the table, his face thoughtful and glancing at Rhodey beside him who was still busy laughing at his misspelled name, Tony had suppressed the urge to kick his best friend's ass for the sole reason that his leg was still injured. After he finally finished his teasing and left him alone in his room, Tony now had time to examine the package
Inside there was only one letter with the word "Tony" on it, and there was also... A phone. He had to say, it was definitely a super old phone with less than 3 games inside and no one would even want to use it in this century. He clicked his tongue, well, of course, it was exactly what that antique would use
The words on the letter were so carefully and sincerely, it even had the familiar scent of the person who sent it. It's just that the more he read, the more anger in Tony grows, the bitterness rises in his throat, the memory of that cold place of ice and snow resurfaces in his mind making his heart tighten
Tony clenched the phone in his hand, staring at the only name on the screen. His hands were trembling, anger enveloping his entire body urging him to press the call button, he wanted to call the person who had caused him this pain and return all the hurt he had received. But the voice in the back of his head stopped him, it said that was pathetic, it was like admitting that he had lost himself
He held the phone up in the air wanting to throw it away, but then stopped in mid-air, finally throwing it on the table. Tony sighed heavily, his hands covering his face tiredly. How pathetic
ii.
No matter what anyone else said, he certainly wasn't obsessed with that phone, not at all. It was true that he always carried it with him even though he himself didn't know why he did it, probably just as a precaution, if... If he needed him
In some miraculous way, the phone gave him a sense of security, as if he were still with him, even though his memories were all traumatic right now
There's a day, when Pepper arrives at a time when Tony is asleep in his lab, and like an idealistic woman, she helps him clean up the mess he's messed up. And she accidentally took the phone somewhere else, and when Tony woke up, he freaked out and almost rummaged through everything just to find it, he even accidentally snapped and yelled at Pepper for touching his stuff himself which was something he had never done to her before
When Pepper handed the phone back to him, Tony grabbed it almost instantly and didn't mind the worried gaze of hers on him as if he were a lunatic. Tony clutched the phone tightly, his panic breathing slowly steady, he apologized apologetically to Pepper even though she didn't seem to blame him for his actions at all, she just walked up to him, put her hand on Tony's shoulder and spoke in the softest voice possible
"Tony, are you still alright?..."
"Always"
Tony replied as if it was instinct, but he knew that with all these years of knowing each other, Tony knew there was no way he could get past this talented secretary by the way her gaze was even deeper and filled with pity for him
"You should know that I'm still on your side, but Tony, you made me believe that you'd gone insane if you didn't even call him soon"
"I'm fine, Pep, it's just..."
Just...? Just what then? He couldn't find an excuse for himself anymore, his eyes lowered slightly to look at the phone in his hand, pressed it open and it was the name that caught his eye again, and he kept staring at it like a lost soul. Tony heard Pepper's sigh, he felt quite guilty for making her worried so much. She kissed him comfortingly on the forehead and said she would be right back with something for him before leaving
His heart was heavy and the itchy feeling there made him uncomfortable. Tony clicked on the only contact on the list, looked at the blue outgoing call icon just under his finger, with just a little strength, the call would be made. Yet his hands seemed to hang a thousand kilograms above, heavy and unable to move even the slightest
Tony crouched on the large sofa, turned off the screen, clutched the phone tightly to his chest, he slowly closed his eyes and let tears fall quietly from the corners of his eyelashes
iii.
Coming home after a night of partying, it had been quite some time since Tony had been this drunk, mostly because there used to be someone who had always been unhappy if he came home drunk like this, but now there's no "someone" anymore, there will be no one to stop this former player from playing hard
It was past midnight, and the house was dark and empty. If it had been before, no matter how late Tony had returned, there would always be someone waiting for him to come home, someone who would hug him, scold him, but who would still gently guide him into his room, help him get dressed, prepare him a glass of warm water and lie beside him comforting him into a peaceful sleep in his warm arms
Now, the emptiness and quiet of the house was like a small knife wound, cutting into his heart slowly and painfully. As the saying goes, sometimes habits are what make people suffer the most. At least Tony still has his loyal AI here, right? He would never abandon him, he wouldn't hurt him the way they did
Tony fell onto the couch, his clothes in disarray and the strong smell of alcohol on his body plus the nausea in his neck didn't help him at all, his head ached like being hit by a hammer, everything were spinning. He fumbled for the phone in his pocket, the yeast of alcohol made his sanity almost fly away, he remembered his voice, he missed his pat, he missed his scoldings, he missed him
"Jar? Am I doing it wrong? Did I ruin everything again?"
"It's not entirely your fault"
"But I'm starting to feel like it's my fault. I've destroyed everything, just like I always did..."
"Sir, you're just doing what you think is right—"
"Should I call him?"
"... I am not set up high enough to decide a-"
"I know, at least you tried to do your best, thank you, J"
"... For you, Sir, always"
The emotionless British accent of the AI heard through his ears brought incredible comfort, he looked at the familiar name on the screen dullly, the urge to call surging. But then how? What if he really pick up the phone? Then Tony would tell him that he called him just because he was drunk and missed him terribly? Could it sound more tragic and funnier?
The screen is turned off, again. Such a coward, he knew how many times, how many times he had quelled the urge to call him, just because he was afraid, he was afraid he would soften again, he was afraid he wouldn't welcome him, he was afraid he would be hurt again. Tony slowly closed his eyes, letting the intoxicating leaven take him into a deep sleep, bringing him out of this painful reality
iv.
No less than five times Tony composed a long message, containing all of his emotions inside, anger, nostalgia, questioning and more. Yet every time, in the end, not a word was sent. And calling out is no different. Tony spent dozens of minutes or even hours deciding whether or not to call Steve. There would always, every time there would be a voice behind his head, if not saying he was a coward then would say he's too pathetic, and it always succeeded in making Tony feel exactly as it said, an obnoxious dictator
In addition, Tony seems to be heavily obsessed with the sound of his phone's notifications. Whether he admitted it or not, by his obvious unintentional cover-up, even the idiot knew he was waiting for a message from the person who sent the phone. With just a small notification tone, and regardless of what he was doing, whether it affected the people around him or not, Tony would instantly stop everything he was doing and check his phone almost immediately, and then once he determined that his mailbox was empty, everyone would see him face down, scowling and impatient ten times more than before he checked his phone
And apparently, his insomnia had also worsened. On one occasion, Rhodes arrives at his house after completing a hollow mission. Just about to ask him out to relax his mind a little. Yet he didn't find the genius, until J.A.R.V.I.S. informed him that he was in the lab and had slept for less than 30 minutes for nearly two weeks, Rhodes swore he'd never run so fast like now in his entire life. When the door to the lab opened, Tony was sitting inside with lifeless eyes, the dark circles beneath his eyes were darkened, his cheekbones slightly pinched, he looked like he was about to collapse in any second
Rhodes leapt up to his side, Tony stood up to greet him but the next second he collapsed, Rhodes couldn't help but physically contact the table containing dozens of unfriendly items. Tony lost consciousness in his arms, and Rhodes took him to the hospital immediately
Rhodes looked at the sick body on the white hospital bed, his pale lifeless face, his dry lips and dark circles that couldn't be concealed under his eyes, which couldn't help but make him sigh, his best friend really knew how to destroy himself
But here comes the climax, when Tony finally wakes up after three days of coma, half-awake in bed. Rhodes didn't expect that the first thing he did when he woke up was to search for his phone, Rhodes gave it to him but when he told him it was another phone, and then his eyes went black again when there was still no announcement, Rhodes swore that later when he met a specific person named Steve- motherfucking -Rogers, he's going to punch that guy directly in the face when they meet again, it's only because of that guy that his best friend is so miserable like this
v.
Tony woke up, his body drenched in sweat even though it was freezing cold outside. His breathing was mixed and broken, his body trembling in waves and clearly showing signs of getting worse
It was that dream again, he saw everyone collapsing at his feet, no longer taking a single survivor. As he tried to run to them, the scene suddenly turned into that cold Siberia night. He lay motionless on the rough ground, his limbs as if paralyzed, only able to stare at the familiar dark blue body above, helpless be smashed the shield into his chest again. He doesn't know how many more times he had to go through this scene, but whether it was 1 time, 10 times, or a thousand times, the truth that it would forever haunt him, every frighteningly realistic detail, the roughness of the ground, the shiver of the bitter wind, or even the feeling of pain and shortness of breath as the shield without hesitation swung down at his reactor
Tony shrank back, hugging himself tightly in the corner of the bed as if he wanted to make himself as small as possible. He couldn't breathe. Tears were like a switch being opened, flowing relentlessly from the corners of his eyelashes
"Sir, your spirit is showing signs of turmoil, please calm down—"
The incessant sound of J.A.R.V.I.S. ringing in his ears also turned into an indistinct buzzing, and he could feel his nervousness in it. Tony leaned back against the headboard, his hands tightening the corner of his shirt where the reactor had been, his breath slowly draining from his lungs, his eyes blurred, his head spinning and he seemed to feel the nausea coming. His nails clung to every fiber of his flesh to the point of bleeding, and Tony didn't seem to care about it, the tightness in his chest making the twitching worse
".. @!#s... Si... Sir.. SIR!! Please breath! Please just breath , sir"
Pulled back by J.A.R.V.I.S.'s screams, Tony stared dreamily at the empty ceiling as if looking at him
"Given your current condition, I suggest that you allow me to contact Mr. Rogers—"
"NO!" Tony screamed in a gasp
"But sir-..."
"No matter what... nor can't-... don't call him.."
How sweet and sour his name sounded so sweet and sour, it pulled back some sanity in him, just enough for him to know how stupid Jar's proposal was (or at least he thought so). He cowered, the tears hadn't stopped falling, his heart hadn't stopped racing, his body hadn't stopped shaking, nothing seemed to get better
"Tony, honey, listen to me, breathe for me"
Tony startled himself and almost jumped in surprise, he lifted his face to look around, looking for the sound, but he saw nobody, while he was still bewildered when a transparent screen appeared beside him, his pupils moved slightly when he saw the person inside the frame, Steve
"Listen to me, come on, do it with me. Breath in... 1,2,3,4,5.. Breath out... 1,2,3,4,5.. You're doing great, my Tony, come on let's try once more"
Although still full of questions, his body unconsciously did as he said, rhythmically taking steps to make the panic subside, waiting until he stopped counting was when he had completely calmed down, he knew exactly what to say and the duration of it to calm him down. Tony turned his eyes to look at the screen beside him, his eyes filled with nostalgia mixed with anger
"Are you alright now? I hope you're okay, if not, J please rewind until he gets better. Tony, it's me, you know, I'm not always with you, and that makes me worry about you so much, Tony, I'm afraid when I'm not with you, there would be no one to help you get through this, that's why I asked J to record this, just as a precaution. My dear Tony, I hope this can help you, and remember that I will always be by your side, you don't have to face everything alone, I will still be here with you, please ask J to open it if it happens again, and for the final, I love you, my Tony"
The stop button had popped up indicating that the recording was over, but Tony hadn't escaped his immersion, his eyes were already red, his hand reaching up to touch his face through the virtual screen
"Not long after you and Mr. Rogers were together, he asked me to record the video, just in case he had just experienced times when he was absent or unable to communicate with each other. He asked me to archive the above paragraph and will automatically play it when I receives any signs of unrest from you"
"Dammit..."
Tony exclaimed softly, he had anticipated all this, if it wasn't for the smoldering sensation in his chest that was so real and the chipped shield not lying in a corner of the lab, he might have thought that the person who made this recording out of concern for him and the person who had flatly slammed the shield into his chest wasn't the same person
"Miss Potts and Mr. Rhodes are on their way here, and for now I suggest that you should rest first while we wait for them to arrive"
Tony fell back onto the bed and stared blankly at the ceiling, at least Pep and Rhodey were better than that one, his eyelids slowly closing tiredly and carrying the heavy feeling in his chest to sleep, there was a faint whisper, as if not lightly blending into the air
"Liar"
vi.
Tony sat in the living room while sipping hot coffee in his hand (according to Jar it was his 3rd cup of the morning), he looked out the window, the snow was falling thickly outside, the weather had also become much colder, it seemed to be the start of winter. The faint aroma of coffee and the slightly chilly air made his spirit relax, relaxed to a little dreamy. After his hospitalization, his schedule was tightly controlled by three of his closest people – the brilliant assistant, the best friend who 'carried' him into the hospital, and also a very rigid AI butler, thanks to whom Tony was forced to follow a very detailed healthy living schedule and the stricture was drawn up by themselves, and if he did not comply, what the consequences would be he dared not think about
He lazily sprawled on the armchair with an extremely serious expression with a slightly furrowed eyebrow, who didn't know thought he was deciphering some nuclear weapon code, but in truth he was just playing snake hunting and was about to get a new score, just a little bit, oh come on don't look at him like that, it's a very serious thing! Doesn't it have to do with his honor, called a genius by the world, that he can't upset this little trick?
"Oh, c'mon!"
Tony grimaced in exasperation tossing the phone to his side, he couldn't believe he was losing again. He leaned up and reached for the phone again, determined not to give in so easily, but his hand habitually clicked on calls and messages, expecting something different, and when he saw it was still empty, He pouted and pressed exit the app. But he didn't know why, instead of pressing the exit button, he pressed the call button, and with a list of only one contact, the call was connected to that person immediately
"Tony?"
"Shit!-"
Before he could think anything else, Tony clicked off the call without hesitation, throwing away the phone in his hand as if burned, then startled himself when it rang again, displaying the incoming call. Tony swallowed, glaring at it as if something horrible, it was still ringing non-stop and it didn't seem like the caller had any intention of calling just once time
Tony cursed himself slightly for his stupid act, he hesitated a little but then suddenly stood up, decisively walked away and ignored the phone that was constantly ringing and went straight to his lab, and this was the first time in these months that the phone wasn't in the same place as him. He locked himself inside the lab and plunged headlong into work to forget about the incident just now, okay, he thought to himself that it was just an accident, what serious would happen? The sky would fall then?
.
BANG
"The hell was that?! -"
Tony jerked off at the loud noise coming from upstairs, he stopped his work and instantly went into alert mode, he had just burst out of the lab and was heading for the elevator as he opened his mouth to ask in a serious voice
"J, what the hell is going on up there?"
Was it really the sky falling? Seriously? It had only been a few hours since he had been at peace and now there was something off, wow, how leisurely the life of a genius was
"There is an intrusion coming from the upper floor, Sir. Amount: 1, identifying..."
Tony sped up as fast as he called his armor over, he pressed on his watch and it instantly an iron glove enveloped his hand like a small tidal wave. When he arrived, he burst out, holding up his loaded repulsor in preparation to open fire on the intruder, and that was the moment Tony's whole body froze, his eyes as wide as they could, staring in horror at the person standing on the other side of the room
"Successful Identity Confirmation: Steven Grant Rogers"
The tone of J.A.R.V.I.S. sounded at the same time, but his ears were now filled with deafening buzzing, his hands couldn't help but tremble, he swallowed softly and glared at the "intruder". And the other person didn't seem to notice his appearance until now
"Tony!"
Steve's eyes lit up and down again, and with a blink of an eye he flashed right next to Tony, ignoring the repulsor still pointing at him and went straight to hugging him, squeezing him in his arms to suffocation
"Oh God, Tony, are you alright? Are you injured anywhere? What happened? You-"
"Stop! What's the f— what in the heaven sake are you doing here?!"
Tony screamed, pulling from his arms but he only squeezed him tighter
"You called me, but you turned it off shortly after, I called you back, but... You didn't pick up my phone, Tony, I- I was worried about you, and since you didn't take my calls, so I.. Get here, just to make sure you're not in any danger"
"It's just— wait, how did you get here??"
Steve didn't say anything, just quietly looked outside, Tony after breaking free from his embrace (which he had reluctantly let go) also looked in that direction and he swore he seemed to have had his 3rd heart attack today when he saw the huge Quinjet lying out there
"THE FUCK?!"
Tony jerked to look at the guy who was putting on an innocent face as if he hadn't done anything wrong beside him
"Dammit, are you out of your mind, Steve! You're definitely insane— did you forget that you're still wanted? If you did, then I just reminded you, but fuck that shit, what is really going on?!"
"It's the fastest vehicle that should be..."
Tony patted his forehead helplessly, was this guy just that? And no more than he expected, his phone immediately rang with a call coming from none other than the Government. He tiredly picked up the phone and glared at him in warning, as if if he made any sound the repulsor would immediately hit him in the face
"Oh, no, how is that possible. No, absolutely not, how could a criminal break into my house. Then, that's it"
Tony emphasized his words deliberately, glaring at the dull blonde, after shutting down he scowled at the man who shouldn't have been here now standing in front of him. Had he been a little heavy-handed before, had he blown away the IQ of the Captain?
"Alright, listen Mr. Captain—brain full of tofu—America, you need to get back to wherever you came from, right. now. Before Ross came and grabbed both you and me"
"But, Tony, I..."
"Nope, no more 'but' allow"
Tony didn't let him finish his sentence but directly interrupted, blocking what he wanted to say, he turned away. The pain was still there, even though time had passed, the wound seemed to have healed, but now facing him again, he knew that the wound had never healed, it was still there and every day was smoldering with blood. Tony turned his back on him, trying to force himself not to soften, trying to force himself not to fall into that sweet trap again. The person behind him was silent, though he could feel his burning eyes behind him, watching his every move
"I'm sorry"
Tony stood stunned, every muscle in his body stiffening nervously, the thing he hated most right now was an apology
"I'm sorry, for what I've done, for what I've caused, for the hurt I've done to you. Although I know that apologizing now to you is meaningless, because it will not make the wounds heal"
Tony sensed the person behind him getting closer with each of his words, he swallowed thickly, his heart beating so hard he could even feel it. By the time he was standing right behind him, Tony thought he had forgotten how to breathe already
From the reflection on the glass he could see that he was gently reaching up as if to touch him, then large arms wrapped around him, gently hugging him from behind. The familiar scent once again enveloped him, that warm embrace once again wrapped tightly around him, that dear voice once again whispering in his ear
"I missed you"
His head fell on Tony's shoulder, his voice humming to shatter, his body seeming to tremble slightly. Tony still didn't know how to react, his uniform was a little messy, his blond hair was also messed up, it all showed how hurried he was to get here, all because he was worried about him
"Let go"
"Tony..."
"I said let go!"
"Tony, please..."
Tony clenched his teeth, pulled out of his arms, then grabbed him by the collar violently and dragged him out of the tower, leaving him to stand bare in the heavy snow while he went back inside and then back with a full bucket of water. To his surprise, he poured the bucket of water on him, making him immediately wet, the current weather was below 10°C, if he had a body soaked in water like this, even a super soldier with 4 times more stamina still couldn't help but shudder slightly. Steve looked at him in amazement and wonder, not understanding what he was trying to do
"Cold?"
Right after his words finished, he swung a punch straight into Steve's face unrelentingly, so strong that he pulled back slightly and almost fell, Steve felt the smell of blood dripping from his mouth running down his chin
"DOES IT HURT?!"
He dealt him another punch, and this time Steve fully embraced it without dodging. The smell of blood added another layer to his oral cavity, but the only thing he cared about now was Tony's hands that had turned red from his two impacts, he didn't mind getting a few more punches, but he didn't want Tony to get hurt
"FIGHT BACK! GO ON AND FIGHT BACK, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! DO IT THE WAY YOU DID THAT NIGHT! DO IT"
Tony's emotions exploded, and he grabbed him by the collar violently, almost screaming at him with his life. His bloodshot eyes contained anger that had accumulated for a long time, every flash of fiery red blood was visible, his warm brown pupils were now cold and distant. Steve's eyes turned sour, looking at what he had made him look like. The cold he was feeling, the pain he was feeling, really didn't equal what Tony felt that day, the day he left him, the day he chose him over him
"I'm not going to hurt you again, Tony, never again"
"LIAR!!"
Tony screamed again, his voice seeming to break, taking out all the pain and anguish he had long suppressed this time. Steve didn't care how hard the words he had on him, his gaze remained the same, the blue ocean still seemed to gently embrace and comfort him. He gently wiped away the tears that had just fallen from his eyelashes that even Tony himself hadn't noticed that he was crying
"This time alone, I promise you, Tony, my words are completely honest. I've hurt you once, I'll never do that again"
Here it was, that sweet trap again, that deep boggy valley, Tony had vowed that he would never make that mistake again. Tony Stark always learns from his mistake. But his heart was betraying himself, it was screaming incessantly in his chest, the overlapping loneliness plus the nostalgia that had been burning for months was all against him, all of which were crushing the defenses inside him, remove the thorny shell, revealing inside a weak soft heart and its hateful hope
"Stop it, don't make me trust you again, don't make me fall in love with you again"
Steve leaned close to his face, his hot breath tickling his face, Tony felt like there were tens of thousands of little butterflies flying in his belly. His body was visibly shaking, probably from the cold, he thought to himself
"I can't erase what I've done, but... I can fix it. So, Tony, can you give me that chance? Let me make up for all the hurt I've done to you, is that okay?"
The deep blue ocean seemed to blend with the warm sunshine, and then in a slow but gentle way the lips touched, Steve paused slightly to see his reaction, until he saw that Tony didn't protest or push him away as expected, his lips curled into a bright smile, and then he glued their lips together with more confidence this time. Steve hugged Tony, squeezing him in his arms, giving him the warmest kiss that contained so much nostalgia and a thousand other emotions inside him
The snow was whitening the sky, whitening both of the men's bodies, but they didn't seem to care, for it seemed that the warmth they had given each other had banished the cold of the winter
"Thank you, for accepting me again, I owe you a lots, Tony"
"And in that 'a lots' including kisses like this. Gosh, you really know how to drive people crazy. Now we need to get inside right now, I'm about to freeze already, not everyone is as good at cold as you are, Capsicle"
Steve laughed, shaking his head a little helplessly, giving him another kiss on the forehead before they both went back into the tower together. Steve was so happy that he could call him his again, and Tony knew he was in that rabbit hole again, but he didn't care, because it was too sweet to reject anyway.
.
*Extra:
WHACK
"Shit, Rhodey!"
"Captain! Long time no see, this is my meeting gift, I hope you like it"
And Steve received the 3rd punch as soon as he stepped inside from the Lieutenant Colonel. When he was done, Rhodes smiled politely as if nothing had happened, turned to Tony and raised his brows calmly
"Told you, I'm gonna punch him directly in the face when we meet again"
End