Archive of Our Own

Lee Felix is a dream. He was dreamt up by some artist with a vivid imagination and a penchant for soft, gentle things. Maybe Hyunjin’s the one who brought him into reality, crafted him with perfect strokes of a brush, with just the right mixture of colours for him to come out… perfect.

Lee Felix is perfect. Sweet. Gentle. Soft hands. Ironclad determination. Strong. He can dropkick a man twice his size no doubt. He only ever drops people with the force of his smile. The warmth of his presence.

He walks into the studio with that very same smile, that lethal warmth, and crosses the distance until he stands next to Chan’s chair. He’s beaming, but hesitant, his gaze finding Changbin through the two-way glass of the recording booth.

“Chris hyung,” he says, in that deep, smooth velvet of his, and Chan hears him even with the headphones on. He turns and his face lights up with happiness upon spotting his friend. Like a moth to a flame, everyone gravitates to the sunshine of Felix’s disposition.

Jisung is but a man. He’s not immune.

*

They met pretty early on, just a couple of days after Felix stepped off the plane that brought him into the country from where he’d lived until then. Jisung gathered bits and pieces of knowledge over time. Childhood friends, parents never stopped talking, moved back to Korea at Chan’s parents’ insistence. Felix is Jisung’s age, and coincidentally almost shares a birthday with him. Felix is open and loud and warm.

Felix is everything that Jisung can’t be, whether because talking to people he doesn’t know gives him the creeps or because he’s just not Lee Felix. Either way, they may have almost the same birthday, but that’s the only way they overlap. Jisung is mouse grey, Felix is technicolour.

“Jisung-ah!” Felix sinks down on the chair next to him, putting his tray on the table. “Do you mind if I sit here?”

He mutely shakes his head, offers a smile while he keeps chewing on his food. Felix immediately launches into an explanation for his presence at Jisung’s lunch table like he needs to explain himself somehow, like it’s prohibited to occupy a chair even though they’re all friends. Then he talks about the food. His earlier classes. The one’s he’s still having later.

Jisung doesn’t ignore him, of course. He listens. He smiles. He nods. He gives the occasional response here and there. He nearly sags in relief when Minho pulls back the chair opposite him and drops down in it with a world weary sigh.

“Hey Sung, hey Yongboks.” Minho is one of the few people perhaps almost immune to Felix’s charm. He’s soft with the other man, sure, but he doesn’t single-minded focus on him like everyone else does when Felix is around. Jisung doesn’t try to be like that, he just tries not to make it too obvious how focused he is.

“Hyung, don’t call me that,” Felix whines, and Minho just smiles at him, indulgent and completely unwilling to change what he calls him.

Another chair is pulled back, Hyunjin plops down as well, sighs even deeper than Minho had. “Hey guys.”

“You look rough, Jin,” Felix says, brow furrowed, lips pursed. “Bad night?”

“Bad week, more like.”

Hyunjin launches into an explanation about his week. Minho’s leg touches Jisung’s, drawing his attention away. He looks up, sees Minho’s raised eyebrow, smiles. Minho makes a face, he laughs softly. The pressure on his chest lessens now that he’s no longer alone in a sea of strangers.

He continues eating his food, distracted every time Felix’s voice sounds up next to him.

*

Minho is at the studio this time when Felix barges in. Jisung is draped across his chest, nearly asleep where his head is tucked in the crook of his hyung’s arm. He doesn’t look up at the sound of the door opening, only blinks his eyes open when he hears Felix speak.

He’s asking something from Chan in English. It goes too fast for Jisung’s tired brain to catch, but he hears a ‘Chris hyung’ and a ‘please’. It doesn’t take much for Chan to agree, of course. That’s his Felix, his childhood friend, the literal sunshine in his life. Chan smiles and nods and Felix beams and leans in to deliver a big smooch to Chan’s cheek.

Only when he turns away does Felix seem to notice the rest of the room. “Oh, Jisung! Hyung!” He beams his sunshine smile at them, his blonde hair seemingly sparkling even in the shitty studio lighting. Jisung lifts a lazy hand to wave, doesn’t pay attention to what Minho does. “Working today?”

“Just finished recording,” he offers, nodding towards the chair. “Waiting for hyung to be done so we can go home. If we don’t stick around he might not leave at all.”

Felix laughs, nods his head in understanding, takes them in moment longer. “Thank you for taking care of Chris,” he says, like that’s something he’s allowed to do, like Chan is somehow his responsibility. And Chan laughs, flushes, shakes his head and swats Felix’s leg lightly.

“Go home, Lix,” he says, his familiar brand of English so audible in his voice now. “I won’t be much longer. I’ll see you there.”

Jisung turns his face away, buries it back into Minho’s chest and closes his eyes. He chooses sleep over being aware of the rest of the world. It doesn’t find him until Felix’s overwhelming presence has left the room, of course.

*

Movie night finds him picking a seat next to Minho, whispering the whole movie long about their predictions and other things they notice. The others have long learned to let them take the outside part of the row so they don’t bother anyone else.

During dinner, he sits next to Minho as well, getting the best pieces of the meat hand-delivered to his plate. The taxi home he shares with Minho, walking the last stretch to the apartment together.

In the morning, he heads to school with Seungmin or Hyunjin, whoever’s got a class closest to his own. Sometimes he walks alone. Earphones in and gaze lowered. Sometimes there’s no earphones and he braves the day unprotected, breathing in the air and exhaling a smile.

“Jisung-ah!”

His name isn’t so common that it’s called out around him often when not meant for him, so he turns towards it with parts dread and parts curiosity. Felix beams at him from across the way, jogging to catch up.

“Hi!” He says, pulls his bag a little better over his shoulder and takes Jisung in. “Headed to class?”

“Yeah. Got fifteen more minutes. You?”

“I just finished.” He smiles. It’s beaming. Jisung doesn’t know what to do with himself, whether to just give in or hold back. “Got another one in half an hour, though. Okay if I walk with you?”

“Sure.”

Felix talks again. About his class, his teacher, the school. He asks Jisung about his own and he explains what he can. There’s not much to say about his classes. They are. He follows them. He gets good grades. School isn’t hard for him. Just the social part. But he knows some of his classmates by now. He makes do.

Felix beams at him when they reach his building, and waves him off to class. He offers a smile in return, tells him to get to his own class safely as well. It earns him a laugh and a nod.

His heart is in his throat when he enters the classroom, but his chest feels light.

*

It’s not always Felix noticing him, seeking him out. Jisung also returns the interest. How could he not? So when he steps out from the bar to get a moment of peace and some fresh air amidst his friends’ loud conversation, he takes only a second to spot the familiar blond head of hair a little further down the road.

He isn’t loud, doesn’t call out from a distance, but he walks over, makes sure he’s right, touches Felix’s elbow. “Hey.”

“Oh, Jisung, hey!” Felix’s smile is warm, sunshine tinging the edges. His eyes are tired.

“You okay?’

“Mhm, yeah, just tired.” His smile’s still genuine, reassurance in the hand he puts on Jisung’s arm. “Don’t worry. Are you going home?”

He shakes his head. “Just getting some air. It’s a bit loud in there.”

Felix’s head turns, looks at the tangerine plant decorations and then dips in a nod, amusement in his smile now. “I get that. Want some company?”

“Sure.”

They lapse into silence, Jisung content to just close his eyes and breathe for a few moments now that he’s not standing by himself, Felix seemingly fine with that as well.

“Can I ask you something?” He eventually asks. Jisung’s eyes reopen, he looks at Felix slowly. Breath stolen by the easy beauty the blond carries. “It’s kind of personal.”

Jisung hesitates, glances around, then shrugs and nods. Felix smiles, apologetic already.

“Are you and Minho hyung dating?”

The laugh is punched from him almost automatically. He shakes his head, brings his hands up to deny it with more body language as well. “No. We’re not dating. He’s just my best friend. You’re not the first one to ask, though, don’t worry.” He smiles, shrugs his shoulders, waves vaguely in the direction of the bar. “Hyung’s got a boyfriend. Back home. He’s pretty cool.”

“Oh.” Felix nods his head in understanding. What about you and Chan hyung, Jisung wants to ask, but he misses his cue and Felix is already talking again. “You two look like great friends. The ease you have between you, it’s… Beautiful. I love seeing you two together.”

He smiles, like it’s the most normal thing in the world, to say things like that. Jisung feels winded, punched in the gut. “It’s… Yeah. I don’t know where I’d be without him.”

“How’d you meet?” Felix is curious now, excited, his brightness increased tenfold. Jisung is in awe.

“Uh. Anime website. We started watching together a long time ago. We only met in person a few times until we ended up attending the same university.”

Felix nods, smile beaming, eyes alight. Jisung can’t handle being the sole centre of his focus for much longer. He clears his throat, nods towards the bar. “Should we head back in?”

Felix looks over as well, reduced back to his normal shine. “Sure. Yeah. Let’s go.”

Jisung slides into his empty spot next to Minho again when they get there, while Felix drops onto the open chair next to Seungmin, immediately joining the conversation like he’d been part of it from the start.

Jisung’s heart beats in his throat. Minho’s arm slips around his shoulders, squeezes briefly. He leans into his friend’s body and goes back to being an observer only.

*

Felix seeks him out more during group outings. He takes the spot next to him more often and pulls him into conversation. It’s easy. It’s– Comfortable. Felix clearly doesn’t mind being the one talking more, but the few times they hit a topic Jisung’s excited about, he also clearly doesn’t mind listening to him ramble.

They learn things about each other. One time at lunch, Felix drops a tomato on Jisung’s plate when it’s the fruit snack of the day, remembering Jisung loves them. The next time there’s bananas, Jisung returns the favour.

Felix’s Korean isn’t perfect yet. He often leans further into Jisung’s space than necessary, always turning his ear and nodding in understanding when Jisung repeats himself. Sometimes he uses the few words of English he knows. Felix always beams when he does that, delighted.

They become friends, somehow, after having been part of a group of friends for over a year already. When they cross paths after class one day, Felix asks him along to try out a new cafe and he agrees. When he spots Felix at the elevator at the studios one time, he asks if the blond will accompany him to the convenience store and Felix doesn’t hesitate even a little bit.

Suddenly Felix is over at his apartment sometimes. Together with Hyunjin or Seungmin at first, claiming the same-aged friends should stick together, but eventually also by himself. Minho’s usually around, too, unless he’s in dance class, or back in Gimpo for a date night. He doesn’t take the bus every week, but he does it as often as he can.

Felix sleeps over on the couch once, borrows some of Jisung’s clothes when he leaves and returns them freshly washed a week later.

Slowly but surely, Felix becomes a normal part of Jisung’s life. Just one of the friends he has. His shine hasn’t dimmed, but Jisung’s gotten used to it. To the warm feeling in his chest, to the mellowness in his bones. It’s just a part of being friends with Felix. It’s the joy of being friends with Felix.

One year passes and another one begins. Felix’s Korean improves. Jisung’s anxiety ebbs and flows. Life goes on.

*

“You okay?”

Felix leans into his space, head dipped down yet tilted up to be able to catch his gaze, study his features. He was simply lost in thought so he blinks back to awareness easily, nods his head.

Felix smiles, bright sunshine on a cloudy day. He lifts his head a little, still leaned towards Jisung, even leaning a bit closer, but then he seems to lose his balance and quickly straightens up. Jisung smiles at him. Felix smiles back, focuses on the rest of the group again.

Hyunjin, Seungmin and Minho are trying to decide where they’re going for dinner today. Chan is laughing at their antics, Changbin his go-to support pillar every time he nearly topples over with his laughter. Changbin’s only stakes in the discussion is that Seungmin keeps saying he’s the one who will be paying and he keeps denying it outright.

Jisung keeps out of it, content to be a quiet observer and go wherever they end up deciding on. He’ll eat almost anything as long as it’s not too spicy, but Minho will make sure wherever they end up going is somewhere with non-spicy options, so he’s safe.

Felix leans over again, their shoulders bumping. Jisung looks at him in surprise. There’s a smile beamed his way, an easy booster for his own mood, and he returns it after a moment. Felix never lacks in happiness, always gentle, always wanting to help. Jisung wants to be more like him most of the time, and sometimes he wonders if he wants to be liked by him. Late at night, usually, when Minho isn’t home and Jisung is withering away on their couch at well past midnight.

Because Lee Felix is and has always been a dream. An angel. A late night hallucination. Something that only fantasy can conjure up, or Hyunjin’s most romantic musings at three fifteen in the morning.

He cries himself to sleep on those nights, when the feeling of being different feels like it’ll suffocate him from the inside out.

*

It’s (unsurprisingly) Chan who stirs the pot again when he introduces Jeongin to the group. Newly moved from Busan, he’s got a cheeky smile and a disarming earnesty about him that captures even Jisung’s heart from their very first meeting.

Not surprisingly, Felix is head over heels in love with him too from the very first moment. And Jeongin becomes a blushing, flustered mess in front of the doe-eyed sunshine. Jisung can’t blame him. They’re all but human. They’re all but moths and a sun is the brightest, most mesmerising flame of all.

What he learns from this is that Chan isn’t dating Felix, because Chan’s dating Hyeji, who he follows a pottery class with, which is where he met Jeongin. Jeongin teaches pottery. Good enough to explain it to others, terrible enough not to make it his business.

“I’m too clumsy,” Jeongin explains. Jisung nods in understanding. Everyone else is already laughing and looking at him anyway.

“You two will be great friends,” Minho predicts. Jisung smiles, offers Jeongin to teach him a few tips and tricks for how not to ruin your entire life with your own clumsiness.

“I thought you two were dating,” Seungmin belatedly tells Chan and Felix, which makes both of them look at each other and then laugh.

“What? No! Lix is like my little brother. There’s nothing romantic between us,” Chan claims, and Felix nods along the same way Jisung does when Minho denies any romance between them. Unbothered, fully agreeing. Childhood friends, brothers from another mother, not interested in each other romantically whatsoever.

Not that Jisung doesn’t occasionally think about what it would be like to date his best friend, but only hypothetically. He always ends up thinking no, we wouldn’t work. I’m too much of a homebody for hyung and he’s too blunt for me. They work as friends, they would not work as lovers. Could he imagine kissing Minho? Sure. Kissing’s just kissing. Anything more, though? It’s like a blank page that he doesn’t even know how to fill.

He realises he’s been staring at Felix a little too long when the blond leans in again, bright-eyed and wide-smiled. Jisung automatically leans back, laughing softly, aware he was zoning out.

“Just thinking,” he says.

“About?” Felix asks.

“Just… How similar we are.”

Felix’s smile is blinding. Jisung has to amend the thought straight away. They’re so different. Felix is even more outgoing than Minho. Extroverted and with zero anxiety. The type of person who thinks of doing something and then does it. No overthinking. Felix is bright and shining and attracts people anywhere he goes. They’re not the same at all. They’re not even the same species.

“Twinsies,” Felix says, proud, and Jisung can’t possibly take that from him, so he laughs. He nods.

He lets it go.

*

“Jisungie, darling.”

Minho’s voice is pitched just a little bit higher than it usually is and Jisung already knows he doesn’t want to have this conversation before it’s even started. Still, it’s Minho. It’s his most beloved hyung. He looks up, eyes wide, terrified.

Minho spots in it two seconds flat, of course, but he doesn’t immediately soothe Jisung’s worries like he would do if it was nothing bad. No don’t worry, it’s nothing bad, no immediate joke about how he resembles this or the other rodent. No. Minho just sits down on the empty spot next to him and meets his gaze. Jisung knows it’s the beginning of the end.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do next year?”

He frowns, he tilts his head to the side, he trembles with badly repressed terror. “Um… Work, probably?”

Minho chuckles, reaches out to smooth down his hair. His friend’s hand is a comfortable, heavy weight on his shoulder. It settles some of his nerves.

“We’ve talked about it. Young’s going to come to Seoul. We’re moving in together.”

The nerves are immediately unsettled again. Against all hope, Jisung says: “Here?”

Minho smiles, amused. He’s not blindsiding Jisung with this conversation, they’ve talked about it several times before. He’s long known this was a decision in the making. Siyoung coming to Seoul is better than Minho moving back to Gimpo, makes it so Jisung won’t have to give up his best friend’s presence in his life. It’s a good thing.

“We could do it here,” Minho says. “I’d kiss him in the kitchen, and also in the bathroom, and we’d cuddle on the couch, not to mention-”

“Don’t.” Jisung covers Minho’s mouth with his hand. “Don’t mention!” He watches his best friend’s shoulders shake with laughter. “I’d hate it. I know.”

He can handle being around them sometimes, when they hang out and when he’s prepared. He couldn’t handle it every day. What they have… Plus, he’s not interested in being the outside party in whatever fight they might have, or feeling like a third wheel in his own home. Not that they would exclude him, but he’d feel like it anyway.

“I’ll ask around, see if anyone wants to be my new roommate.”

Minho nods, then licks his palm, then wraps him in a bone-crushing hug that he protests against for all of three seconds before he simply goes limp in his best friend’s arms and lets himself be force fed love through relentless squishing. It eases some of the ache in his chest, at least.

*

“Seungmin and I just renewed our lease,” Hyunjin tells him with a shrug. “Jeonginnie’s taking the third room starting next year. But Lix might be looking.”

Not Changbin, of course. Changbin’s family owns the apartment he lives in and shares with his sister, who’s a better roommate than Jisung could ever claim to be.

So Felix it is.

“Oh,” Felix says, mouth remaining partly open in his surprise. “Hyung’s moving out?”

Jisung nods, briefly. “His boyfriend’s moving here. So I’m looking for a new roommate. It’s okay if you’re not looking, though, depending on the job I get, I might be able to afford it, and if not Chan hyung already said his couch is always free.”

Felix makes a face, sticks his tongue out in disgust. “I bet they fuck on that couch,” he says, crude in the shocking way only Felix can be. “I wouldn’t risk that if I were you. The KimHwang couch is a safer bet.”

It’s Jisung’s time to make a face. “Their couch may be, but I don’t want to be woken up at whichever godforsaken hour Seungmin gets up, nor do I want to meet any of Hyunjin’s temporary flames. Besides, Jin said Jeongin’s moving in next year and three other people in the house is a little much for me.”

He shrugs, waves it off. “Anyway, it’s fine, I’ll find something.”

“No,” Felix says. “No, I wasn’t saying– I mean I have to renew my dorm every year. I could just… not. How much, uh, how much is it per month?”

“It’s really doable,” he immediately says. “Since we already put down the deposit and everything. Maybe hyung’ll need his half back for his own place but we can arrange something. If you’re interested we can sit down about it properly, work out the details.”

“Sure,” Felix says, beaming smile and everything. “We should talk about it. It might work.”

*

So Jisung graduates. Siyoung moves to Seoul. Minho moves out. Felix moves in. Jisung has to relearn how to live with another person because it’s someone new. The first weeks feel like he’s Bambi, trying to walk on legs far too long for what he’s used to.

Felix is so different from Minho it can hardly be compared. He’s much more present, much more lively. When he plays games on his computer, he’s always audible through his bedroom door, though not all the way into Jisung’s. He likes to bake, turning the kitchen into a mess before he cleans it all up again and serves Jisung with cookies, cake, or brownies. He invites people over, though never without telling Jisung in advance, and he occupies the couch with them more often.

They’re all things Minho never used to do, things Jisung finds himself having to get used to, though not necessarily things he minds. It’s a struggle, for sure, trying to adapt to Felix’s lifestyle in his house, but he manages.

He doesn’t always hole up in his room either, comes out when he’s got the energy and watches a movie or plays a game with Felix and his friends, shares dinner with them. Felix beams at him every time he joins, always including him in the conversation, but never making him stay longer than he wants.

What he likes the most, though, is when they end up on the couch together in the evenings, whatever they were watching on the television long finished and the room filled only with their voices. Evenings like this, when the darkness pulls from them more honesty than usual, Jisung learns things about Felix he’d never known before.

He learns that Felix isn’t always happy, that he struggles too. He learns that Felix is stronger than Jisung already thought he was, because even when he has bad days, he still makes sure to smile, to appreciate what he has. He learns that Felix thinks about a lot of things very deeply, and maybe does overthink things sometimes too.

He learns, too, that Felix hates waking up early, that he’s grumpy and sleepy until he’s been given enough time to wake up. That he likes hugging, especially right before bedtime, when he’ll sometimes shuffle up to Jisung in the bathroom and hug him from behind.

He learns, and learns, and learns, and his heart grows, and grows, and grows.

And he does nothing.

*

“So…”

Minho has an elbow on the table, chin resting on his hand, and he’s looking at Jisung expectantly. Jisung, who has no clue exactly what’s expected from him.

“What?”

They’re at Minho’s apartment this time around. Siyoung’s in the kitchen doing the dishes after they had dinner, giving them some space and privacy to have this conversation, whatever it may be.

“How are you? How’s living with Felix? You barely talk to me anymore so I figured I’d get my best bait and fish it all out of you.”

Jisung looks around the room, put on the spot but also amused. “Where’s this bait you speak of?”

Minho huffs out a laugh, but doesn’t let himself get distracted. “Darling. Talk to me. We’re still friends, aren’t we?” There’s nothing to do but frown and nod to the ridiculous question. “So what’s going on with you?”

“Nothing. I’m fine. Living with Lix is fine. It’s good. He’s nice. We get along. It’s– good. I’m good.”

Minho’s eyes narrow, but Jisung doesn’t have anything better to say. They have a staring contest for a moment, before Jisung looks away. Minho’s posture relaxes, and he moves his elbow from the table.

“Let’s go for a walk, Jisungie,” he says, and Jisung knows he’s not off the hook, but maybe the fresh air will help. Maybe knowing Minho’s boyfriend isn’t at most ten steps away and could walk back in any moment will help.

Or maybe it’ll make him burst out into tears the second Minho says: “So do you want to talk or no?”

He immediately turns away, bringing a hand up to cover his eyes and taking a deep breath in order to calm himself down. Minho’s there immediately, of course, putting a hand on his back and rubbing it slowly, making it so much harder to stay calm.

“What’s wrong, Jisungie?” His best friend asks, and Jisung shakes his head.

“I don’t know,” he says, sobbing. “Nothing. I don’t know.”

Minho just hugs him, right there on the side of the path in the little neighbourhood park, and rubs his back until he’s all cried out. He doesn’t ask anything else anymore after, either, just walks him to the subway station when it gets late, and pets his head before he lets him go home.

*

Felix is still awake when he gets home, curled up under a blanket on the couch. He looks up when Jisung enters, smiles and lifts a handful of soft fleece in a silent offer.

“How’s hyung?”

“Good,” Jisung says, shaking his head to deny the offer. “Hyung’s good. Siyoung hyung too. I’m going to bed.”

He heads over to the bedroom to get his pyjamas, then into the bathroom to wash up. He’s in the middle of brushing his teeth when Felix shuffles in as well, walking over and wrapping around his body, pressing up against his back. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even look at Jisung, simply puts his head against his back and hugs him quietly.

Jisung, predictably, feels his eyes fill with tears all over again.

He shrugs out of Felix’s hold so he can spit out the toothpaste and rinse his mouth. When he straightens back up, he catches Felix’s gaze in the mirror. There’s worry on his friend’s face, too.

“Are you okay?”

What a question. What a horrible question. Jisung finds himself huffing out a laugh, even as the persistent tears pool again.

“I’m fine,” he insists. “I don’t know why I keep crying today. Probably just tired. I’ll be better after I sleep.”

Felix yearns towards him a little, all wide-eyed concern, but he nods his head. Understanding. Sympathetic. “Okay. I hope the sleep will help. Do you want another hug?”

He considers it, but really there’s only one answer he can give. Felix’s arms come up instantly when he nods and he steps into them gratefully, wrapping his own around Felix’s middle.

They stay like that for a while. Long enough that Jisung finds himself matching his breathing to that of his friend and feeling his body relax. When eventually he draws away, it’s only because a big yawn takes over his body and he wants to just go and lie down.

“Goodnight, Lix,” he mumbles, offering another smile. “I’ll see you in the morning. Sweet dreams.”

The sentiment is echoed back to him, even as he’s already on his way out.

*

The morning, it turns out, isn’t better. When he still hasn’t gotten out of bed at ten, Felix knocks on his door and enters at his permission. He takes one look at Jisung’s face and promptly walks over to crawl onto the bed with him, wrapping his arms around the total package of Jisung and the blanket he’s burritod away in.

“Do you want to talk?” Felix asks, and Jisung shakes his head, mute. Felix nods his understanding, smoothing some hair out of his face and then just holds him, quiet.

He relaxes in little increments, mellowing against Felix’s chest bit by bit, until he thinks he could face the day if he had to. Instead, he rolls over, wrestles out of Felix’s hold so he can push the blanket from between them, and then huddles closer to be hugged properly. Felix laughs, but hugs him again anyway, and even kisses the top of his head.

He makes it out of bed by twelve, taking a long shower and then dragging himself to the kitchen to get something to eat. There’s chicken and fried rice already waiting for him, and Felix’s smile when he blinks in question.

“Figured you were hungry. Eat up!”

There’s a nod and then Felix is disappearing into the bathroom, probably to get a shower himself. He reappears too quickly for that to be the case, but Jisung hears their washing machine running, so there’s another explanation available. He eats in silence, then clears everything he used away and cleans up the kitchen before heading back to his room.

At three, the doorbell rings, and Felix comes to get him a minute later to say he’s got a visitor. In the hallway, Siyoung stands a little awkwardly, hands on his thighs, still with his shoes on, clearly not intending to stay long.

“Jisung-ah,” he says upon spotting him, and smiles briefly. “Do you have some time?”

“Hyung! What are you doing here? I have time. Wait.” He throws on a jacket, steps into his shoes, tells Felix he’ll be back in a bit. They head outside, out of the building, but not far after that.

“Minho’s at PT,” is the first thing Siyoung says. And then: “He’s worried about you. I mean, we both are. You’ve been very quiet lately.” And then, horrifyingly: “Is it because I’m here?”

Jisung blinks, frowns, finds himself flushing what must be the deepest red his skin has ever been. “What?”

“Are you unhappy because I’m here and Minho and I live together now?” Siyoung clarifies his question. He doesn’t sound upset, actually, sounds even nice about it. Jisung is not for the first time envious about how secure they are in their relationship that Siyoung isn’t even worried about the fact that Jisung might be in love with Minho. Because it won’t change Minho’s mind. They’re it for each other, or something.

“I- No. What? No.” He laughs. It sounds over the top and fake to his own ears. Flustered. “What?” He flounders, stops walking because he doesn’t even know where they’re going. Or why. “Hyung. I’m- No. I don’t- Hyung’s my best friend, but that’s it. He’s always had you, ever since we met. I’m not- I don’t-”

Siyoung shrugs. “That’s what Minho said as well. But even when you’re not in love with him you can be upset because he moved out. That he left you, or something, I don’t know. I’m not judging. It’s just that… Minho says he doesn’t see you as often anymore. He’s worried you’re not doing well. Because you’re so quiet these days. I wanted to talk to you about it, in case you didn’t feel comfortable telling Minho because we’re together and you’re afraid he doesn’t want to change anything.”

Jisung blinks, stares at his best friend’s boyfriend and all he can think is what? “Hyung, what? I’m not– We agreed before you moved here that we’d have to live separately, because I’m not… I’m not comfortable living with a couple. Any couple. But I’m not- I mean, it’s not because of you, or anything. Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine?”

Siyoung’s standing just far enough away that Jisung knows he’s trying to give him space, just close enough to make sure other people won’t think they’re having a fight and they won’t be making a scene.

“So you don’t want to hang out with Minho more often?” Siyoung asks, and it’s so clear from the tone of his voice and the look on his face that he’s really just asking to know how Jisung feels, and not because he’s accusing him of anything.

“No? I mean, if hyung wants to hang out more that’s fine, but I’m not, like, wasting away because I don’t see him every day.” He worries his lip, suddenly with a new terrible thought. “Is hyung?”

Siyoung shakes his head, smiling softly. “But he’s worried about you. He says you don’t really talk anymore, about how you feel, and you’re overall more quiet. If something’s wrong, or if there’s something we can help with, you can just tell us, you know? Or tell Minho if you’re not comfortable with me knowing. He wants to help you.”

“I-” He stares. He’s not sure what to say at all. Or what to think, or how to feel. “Uhm, okay?”

Siyoung looks at him a moment longer, then nods. “Minho doesn’t know yet that I came here. I just wanted to talk to you, see how you feel, if there’s something I can do.”

It hits him then, quite suddenly, a warmth that seems to be poured straight into his chest and pumped around his body by his hardworking heart. “Hyung,” he manages. And then: “I’m okay. I promise. You’re hyung’s boyfriend, you’ve always been hyung’s boyfriend. It’s- I don’t mind. There’s nothing about that for me to mind. I’m good.”

Siyoung nods, accepts it. “Okay. That’s good. I’m glad you’re okay.” He doesn’t question it, doesn’t try to look for the lie underneath, just takes Jisung’s word for it at face value. “You want a drink? I saw this coffeeshop as I was walking to your apartment. Is it any good?”

And so they head to the cafe, where Siyoung buys him a drink. He decides to take one back for Felix as well, to thank him for taking care of him, but Siyoung insists on paying for that one as well. Still, Jisung’s the one to deliver it to Felix’s desk, and to receive the beaming smile in return for it.

*

Minho brings it up the next time they meet, because of course he does. He’s cutting up the meat he just grilled with the scissors when he raises his gaze to meet Jisung’s and says: “Young said he came and talked to you.”

Jisung, fully focused on and looking forward to the fresh, sizzling meat, his wrap already made and ready for the meat to be added, freezes in place briefly because of it. Then he deflates. They’re having the conversation whether he stuffs his face or not, he knows.

“Mhm,” he agrees, giving a minute nod of his head.

“Was it bad? Should I tell him to stay out of your business? I mean, I already did, but…”

Jisung laughs softly, warmed by his best friend’s care, but he shakes his head. “No, hyung, it was fine. He was- Nice. He was just worried but it’s not- I’m not jealous, or anything.”

“Jealous?” Minho echoes, sporting a little frown now. “Of course you’re not jealous. Is that what he thought?”

Jisung realises, then, that Siyoung may have admitted to talking to Jisung, but he didn’t say what about exactly. Another drop of warmth settles in Jisung’s chest. “No. He just… asked. But he didn’t accuse me or anything. Hyung was being nice. It wasn’t- You don’t have to be upset. He didn’t say anything bad.”

Minho hums, still somewhat sceptical but clearly mollified. “Okay,” he says, puts the scissors down, picks up his chopsticks to move all the best pieces over to Jisung’s side of the grill. “So you’re good?” He asks then, and Jisung stares at the meat, faltering.

“I’m good,” he says eventually. It’s not very convincing, of course, considering the silence that preceded it. “Just–” He quiets, sighs, puts his lettuce wrap down and meets Minho’s gaze past the copper tube. “Maybe I’m envious. Like, I don’t want you, I just want someone who is that person, for me. You know?”

Minho hums, nods, puts some kimchi in his own wrap, adds some of the sauce. “Maybe you’ll meet someone when you start working,” he says. “Or if you want you can try dating. One of the apps, or one of those places people go.”

Jisung stares long and hard at his own wrap, at the pieces of meat neatly lined up for him to take. He uses his chopsticks to add two to the wrap, then picks it back up with his free hand. “You know I’m too anxious for that,” he says. And then: “I like Felix.” He stuffs the wrap in his mouth, so he can’t say more, and looks everywhere but at Minho as he chews.

Minho, unperturbed, eats his own wrap as well before speaking again. “Did you tell him that?”

The laugh happens alongside the swallow. It takes him a few more swallows and a good few sips of water before that ends well. “So he can say no thank you? I’m okay with not being rejected, actually.”

Minho gives him a sharp look, holding his gaze until he looks back down and starts making another wrap. He’s just putting the meat in when his friend speaks again. “What if he says yes?”

There’s another laugh punched from him, disbelieving and final. Minho doesn’t push it. After another wrap is silently eaten, he changes the subject and Jisung goes along with it easily, more than happy to let it go.

*

Except it lingers. Of course it does. Minho knows him too well.

He lies in bed at night and thinks what if he says yes. He’s huddled up on the couch next to Felix and thinks what if he says yes. He’s cuddled up against Minho’s side on his couch when Siyoung comes home and they kiss briefly and Jisung thinks what if he says yes. He stands in the door opening of their living room, looking at Felix who’s dozed off on the couch and thinks what if he says yes.

He walks out of the bathroom at Seungmin, Hyunjin and Jeongin’s apartment during their next group meeting only to nearly bump into a waiting Felix. He’s beamed a wide smile, reassuring and warm, and one of Felix’s hands briefly steadies him, and he thinks what if he says yes?

It slips out of him then. Unplanned, uncontrolled. He puts a hand on Felix’s elbow, squeezes and says: “Hey. Sorry. I like you.” And Felix laughs, taken by surprise, but he nods happily and says: “I like you too, Jisung. You’re a great friend.”

There’s a brief pause where Felix is clearly waiting for him ro let go and Jisung is considering his next step. “No, I mean,” he says, but Jeongin steps into the hallway as well, and Felix looks back at him and beams, and Jisung just sort of lets it go. “Sorry,” he says. “Gotta wait in line. Unless you can both aim well enough to pee at the same time.”

Jeongin laughs, and Felix does too, so Jisung considers it a job well done and heads back to the others, taking up his spot next to Minho again.

When Felix returns, he sits back down next to Chan, tucking his head in the crook of his best friend’s neck. He glances Jisung’s way briefly, their eyes meeting, smiles exchanged. And Jisung thinks what if he says yes?

*

Lee Felix is a dream. Even with tears in his eyes and the fifteenth tissue in hand trying to clean his face despite the fact he’s still crying. Maybe especially then.

Chan has already hugged him tightly, and Felix has already waved him off, saying “I’m fine, I’m fine, just- What a great movie, huh?” Hyunjin has already laughed at him yet stroked his hair several times, Seungmin has already handed him a glass of water. Changbin has already made him laugh through the tears, patted his back, let him go.

Minho has already said “Ah, Yongboks, you’re too soft for this world,” and then promptly steered the entirety of Lee Felix’s post-movie emotions over to the couch where Jisung was still sitting.

So now it’s on him, hand on Felix’s back, gently patting it as he lets his friend gather himself, find a way to stop the tears. “Was it the dog?” He asks, and Felix laughs, and cries more, and nods his head fervently.

“I just feel so bad for the dog,” he warbles, empathy running deep in his veins, and Jisung thinks he’s so precious. The most precious person to have ever existed.

“I know. But it’s okay. He’s fine. He’s back where he belongs. You know they probably had to cgi his tail because he was wagging it too hard. He looked like that kind of dog.”

Felix laughs, but nods again, and his next inhale comes a little easier. Jisung smiles.

“They probably gave him the most delicious food after filming. He had a swell time.”

Felix laughs again, nods, recomposes himself. Then, suddenly, he’s crying again. “But the real one,” he says, so sweet, so darling. “It was based on a true story. I can’t stop thinking about the real one.”

Jisung understands, of course he does, his heart clenches seeing Felix cry like this, feel pain like this. “Isn’t it beautiful?” He says softly. “To love so fully with no second thoughts. Dogs are wonderful creatures, giving all the love they can hold inside their bodies without thinking twice. Because they want the human to be happy. And he made his human happy. Don’t you think that made him happy, too?”

Felix is sobbing again, weeping for a long ago lost dog, and Jisung gets it, of course he does. He wraps his arm around Felix’s shoulder properly, and pulls him into a hug. “Lixie,” he says, soothing and hopefully warm. “Come here. It’s okay. It’s okay.” He rubs his friend’s back, gently swaying him side to side, not trying to make him stop crying so much as just soothing him through it.

He’s lost count of the amount of tissues used by the time Felix calms down, but it’s not that much later, considering none of their friends have come back over yet to reassure him. Felix seems to be grateful for it too, wiping the last of his tears and breathing slow but deep, calming himself further. When their eyes meet he smiles, watery but sincere.

“Thanks, Ji,” he says softly, and Jisung smiles back easily.

“No worries. Let’s get you some water to drink.”

They rejoin their friends, Felix being welcomed by many patting hands and embracing arms. Jisung watches the love shared around their group and smiles, right before he’s tucked into Chan’s side quite suddenly.

“You’re a great friend,” he’s told quite out of the blue, Chan’s chin hooked over his shoulder. “Thanks for looking after Lix.” An echo of the same thing Felix told him once about Chan as well, like he’s allowed to be grateful for it. Because they’re brothers. Because they care for each other. Not something he would say to anyone about Minho, perhaps, but something he feels nonetheless every time Siyoung takes care of him. Gratitude. Relief.

“It’s no problem. He’s my friend too.” He smiles despite his words, pats Chan on the back, “He can take care of himself, anyway. He’s strong.”

“Yeah,” Chan says, smiles, presses his whole face against the side of Jisung’s, his way of expressing his endless affection. “But it’s nice not to be alone with it.” There’s a pat on his ass, then Chan is gone. Moments later Changbin takes his place.

“On a scale of five to ten, how violated do you feel?” He’s asked with a grin, and he huffs out a laugh.

“At least he didn’t squeeze,” he says, “you don’t have to call the cops on him just yet.” Changbin barks out a laugh as well, bumps their shoulders together. The night progresses as usual.

*

The knock on his door is faint. Easy to miss if he’d been asleep. He’s not entirely sure even now if he really heard it. But he sits up a little anyway, hesitates, offers a “Yeah?”

His door opens, at least, he’s not talking to no one. It’s Felix in the door opening, because they’re the only people living in the apartment. He sits up a little more. “Hey. Can’t sleep?”

There’s not really a reply, just Felix standing there, nothing more than a silhouette against the limited light in their living room. “Jisung,” he says eventually, so Jisung hums to indicate he’s listening. “I’m, uh…” Nothing more follows for so long that Jisung shifts a little more.

“Do you want to come in? Lie down?”

Felix is quiet a moment longer, but then gives a small shake of his head. “Can I ask you something? It’s kind of personal. Maybe you don’t want to talk about it here.”

He looks around his room, confused as to why he might not want to talk about it in his room. He swallows, worried now, and pats the edge of his bed again. “Come sit, Lix,” he insists instead, and this time Felix listens. He walks over, sits down on the edge of Jisung’s bed and sort of… lingers there. At least his face gains a little more features now that he’s closer, and Jisung tries to find how he feels.

“What did you want to ask me?” He asks after a second, reaching to put a hand on Felix’s arm.

“Do you, um, date? Like, at all?”

Jisung freezes in place, confused. “What?”

“It’s just… I’ve never seen you with someone. Or heard you talk about it. And I was just wondering if maybe you’re, like, I don’t know. Ace? Aromantic? I don’t know these words in Korean, sorry.”

Jisung blinks at him, completely out of his depth. “I don’t know what those words mean either. I, um, I haven’t really dated anyone in a while, but I do… date. Like, I’ve had a relationship. I’d have one again, too, if it were an option.”

“An option?”

“You know. If someone I liked would like me back. If there was such a thing.”

“Oh.”

Felix is still unmoving, and Jisung wonders if his face is more visible than Felix’s, if his friend is reading his every thought right off his features.

“Would you date me?”

That completely sends him spinning, fingertips tingling, feeling strangely numb. “What?”

“Like. If I was interested in you, would you… would you consider dating me?”

It’s so stupid. He considers laughing it off, but he also considers Felix feeling like he’s being rejected, whether he actually really wants the thing he’s asking about or not. It feels horrible to think of Felix feeling rejected. So he doesn’t. “Yes.”

The silence is so deep it feels like an entire chasm opens between them, splitting them to opposite sides of the world rather than just the edge of Jisung’s bed and the middle of it. One reach of his hand and he could touch Felix. He doesn’t.

“If you were interested in me, I’d date you. You’re a great person. You’re warm, you’re comfortable, you’re sweet. I feel at ease around you and I like spending time with you. I like you. So yeah. I would.”

His heart is in his throat, beating so loudly, blocking any more words and most of his breathing. He tries to inhale as shallowly as possible to not make it obvious how stressed he is.

“Would you date any of our other friends?” Felix asks, and Jisung, though still clueless what this is about, considers it.

“I don’t think so. Chan and Minho are in a relationship. Changbin’s like family, it’d feel weird. Hyunjin expects too much from a relationship for me. Seungmin and Jeongin are straight as far as I know, so they’re out too.”

“What if they were all single and into men?” Felix insists and Jisung, trying to help, considers it again.

“Maybe Chan hyung. Jeongin? I don’t think he’d ever be interested in me, though. I… literally I can’t even imagine hyung not being with Siyoung, so. Not him. Seungmin’s too… Seungmin. I love him but I wouldn’t survive more than a week with him, probably.”

He makes Felix breathe out a smile with that, at least. Something slow but gentle. There’s a nod of his friend’s head, and Jisung reaches out slowly, carefully, taking hold of Felix’s hand when he finds it in the darkness.

“Why are you asking, Lix? What’s going on? If you like someone among our friends you should tell them. They won’t make it weird. You’ll figure it out.”

The silence goes deep again, thick with anticipation. Or maybe that’s just Jisung’s body readying itself for the inevitable. To hear Felix say that there’s someone he wants to be with, someone he’s interested in. Still, he keeps Felix’s hand in his, runs his thumb over the back of it in gentle reassurance even when Felix clings on to his hand tightly.

“Jisung-ah,” Felix says, sounding like he’s an equally tense ball of nerves as Jisung is. “Do you want to? Be my boyfriend?”

The response is delayed, because he’s been preparing for all kinds of things, but somehow not that. He stares at the vague lines of Felix’s features, at the gleam of his friend’s eyes, at the tight press of Felix’s lips together. The thought of Felix feeling rejected hits him again, and he breathes in to be able to speak immediately.

“Yeah,” he exhales, gathers himself a little better and adds: “Yes. Okay.”

Felix, for some kind of unimaginable reason, looks even more stunned than Jisung feels, staring at him, posture still tense, frozen.

“Really?” He asks, like he somehow did not see their conversation end this way, and Jisung can’t help it, he laughs. Giggles burst from him at once and keep bubbling up as the tension uncoils and spools into both relief and a hint of disbelief at the same time.

“Yeah,” he says again. “I- Yes. Is that so strange?” A terrifying thought sobers him up immediately, though. “Was I supposed to say no?”

“No!” Felix immediately counters, clinging on to his hand a little more tightly. “No. Just. I didn’t- I didn’t think you liked me… that way.”

“I do.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

There’s a moment of silence, not as deep as before but more hesitant, like neither of them really know where to go from here.

“So does that mean I can?” Jisung asks then. “Date you. Be your boyfriend.”

Felix swallows loudly, but he’s still holding on to Jisung’s hand like it’s a lifeline, even if he’s stopped running his thumb over the back of Felix’s, just sort of holding on now.

“Yes,” Felix offers, sounding certain despite it all. “Please.”

More silence, even as Jisung nods, trying to process this still. Then Felix’s body twitches, his hand briefly releasing its hold on Jisung’s before grabbing hold again.

“Can I sleep here?” He asks, and Jisung was loath to let him go anyway, so he shrugs and nods.

“Sure.”

They shift around, Jisung making room, Felix taking it up again, until eventually Felix’s back is pressed against Jisung’s chest, their hands tangled in front of Felix’s body and the blanket draped over them again.

It feels like they lie there like that for an aeon before the reality of their situation seems to sink in. All of a sudden, Jisung giggles. He immediately slaps a hand over his mouth, embarrassed, but then Felix laughs softly as well.

“Are you happy?” He’s asked, his fingers squeezed a little tighter. He breathes out a grin, lowering his hand again so he can reply.

“Yeah.”

“Good,” Felix says, pulling Jisung’s arm a little better around himself and thereby also pulling him closer against his back. “Me too.”

Jisung giggles again. Felix doesn’t seem to mind.

*

He wakes up in the morning because Felix is slipping out of his arms, rushing out of bed at such speed that Jisung is left reeling, staring after the shape of his roommate in sleepy confusion. The door has long closed again after Felix’s retreating shape by the time he wakes up enough to be terrified of what it might mean. Did Felix change his mind? Did he get the wrong person last night? Was he not supposed to have agreed after all?

He’s just about ready to worry himself into a downward spiral when his door reopens. “Oh,” Felix says, still slipping in as quietly as he was clearly planning, but closing the door normally behind himself. “Sorry. I woke up and didn’t want to leave, but then I had to pee so badly I had to make a run for it.”

Felix slips back into the bed like it’s no big deal, settles himself right back in the spot he’d occupied before, though this time facing Jisung instead of with his back to him. For a long moment, he’s rendered speechless, suffering from the whiplash of thinking one thing and then being proven wrong the next moment.

It seems easy for Felix, even in the daylight. Just walking back in, slipping back under the blanket and curling right back up against Jisung’s chest, no second thoughts. Meanwhile Jisung’s mind has already conjured up third, fourth and fifth thoughts about the simple action of putting his arm back over his friend’s middle. Friend? Boyfriend. Yeah, there’s seventh and eighth thoughts now.

“Ji?”

He blinks back into the present moment, looking more consciously at Felix, who’s closer than he thought, and frowning at him in slight worry. “Are you okay? Is this okay? Should I leave?”

Oh. Jisung’s losing any and all thought at the worried glint in Felix’s eyes, and suddenly his heart makes a decision before his head can, both arms moving to wrap around Felix’s shoulders, to pull him in so close Jisung feels Felix’s chin hit his shoulder.

“No,” he rushes to say even as it happens, and then immediately pulls away again. “Shit. Sorry. Sorry, are you okay? Fuck.”

Felix doesn’t look in pain, though. Instead he’s laughing, bubbly and unbothered, sunshine straight to the heart, right here in Jisung’s bed. “I’m fine. It’s fine. Didn’t hurt at all.” He starts swatting Jisung’s searching hands away. “Stop checking on me and hug me again!”

What is a man to do but listen? He wraps his arms around Felix’s shoulders again and pulls him back in, more careful this time. Felix tucks his chin over Jisung’s shoulder and then sticks his face into the crook of his neck. His breathing tickles, but Jisung refuses to move.

*

“Do you want cereal?”

Jisung shakes his head where he’s seated at the breakfast table, head in his hands, watching Felix move around the kitchen. He’s extra shiny today, his slightly curly hair tied up in a messy bun, freckles on full display, smiling the entire time.

“Then?” Felix asks, and Jisung just shrugs, shakes his head again.

“I’m good.”

“You should eat something, Ji!” Felix protests, but he can’t imagine eating. His stomach is all tied up in twists and knots. He’s not sure yet if it’s dread or excitement, but it’s enough to keep him from being hungry, and he thinks forcing it now would be detrimental.

“I’ll eat later,” he offers. “Just not right now. I’m still waking up.”

“Mhm, okay.” Felix shows up with a bowl, the box of cereal and a box of milk. He puts it all down on the table and takes a seat. Rather than start to eat, he looks at Jisung more closely. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he replies, reflexively. “I’m fine.”

Felix starts frowning though, and scrutinising his features more closely. It’s strangely comforting.

“No, really. I’m fine. I’m just- It’s kind of hard to believe last night was real. This is so… normal. Am I really your boyfriend? Do you really want me to be? I think I’ve had a crush on you literally since you stepped off the plane in South Korea, so I’m– A bit in disbelief?”

Felix looks a little shy and a little upset all at once, eyebrows furrowed though there’s a flush high on his cheeks. “Why did you never say anything?” He asks, and Jisung juts out his lower lip in thought.

“I mean… You’re you. You’re like, sunshine personified. You’re so bubbly and social. A force to be reckoned with. I barely even knew you, I was just in awe.” He shrugs, and then motions at Felix sitting across from you. “Now I know you. I wanted to tell you. I tried at the SeungHwangYang apartment, but Jeongin interrupted, so…” He shrugs again.

“Wait, really?” Felix seems stunned. “How long have you been wanting to tell me?”

“Not long. I’ve been thinking about it for a week or two, maybe? I didn’t really want to be rejected, but Minho hyung suggested you might say yes, so. I wanted to take the chance. Just in case.”

Felix blinks at him slowly, cereal completely forgotten on the table between them. “Is it because of how I asked you? Is that why you can’t believe it?”

“No, I do. I mean, I want to. Today just seems so… normal. I don’t know.”

“Well I’ve liked you for several months already myself. Before you asked me to move in, even. I just didn’t want to make it weird, so I didn’t say anything, but when you comforted me it felt so nice and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I realised I just had to tell you. And if I made you uncomfortable with it or something, I would have moved out or something.”

Jisung is left kind of staring at Felix for a moment, before snapping his mouth shut. “You thought I would be uncomfortable if you told me you liked me?”

“Well, if you didn’t like me back, that’d be awkward, right? We live together. You would’ve had to see me every day. Maybe you would’ve felt weird about sharing a bathroom, I don’t know!” Felix motions vaguely with his hands, and Jisung can’t help but smile. The expression is immediately noticed, of course. “What? Why are you smiling like that?”

“I’m just thinking,” he says slowly, only smiling wider. “How similar we are.”

Felix pauses, but then suddenly he beams a smile as well. “Twinsies,” he says, proud all over again. It makes Jisung smile even wider.

“I like you,” he says instead of replying properly. “I’ve liked you for a while. I don’t feel weird about it at all.”

Felix’s smile turns into liquid sunshine, a shot straight into his bloodstream at nine in the morning. “Good! I like you, too. And I don’t feel weird about it either. Except it makes me want to kiss you.”

“Oh.” Jisung blinks, a little taken aback. But then he thinks about it, considers it, and decides he’s not averse to it. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

“Oh thank fuck!” Felix exhales immediately. And then suddenly the cereal is moved to the side and Felix climbs onto the table, sliding over it and jumping off lightly on Jisung’s side, immediately dipping down to take hold of his face.

And then they’re kissing. Or well, Felix is kissing him, while all of that was so unexpected that he temporarily forgets to kiss back. Until his body kicks into gear and he immediately puts a hand in Felix’s side, chasing after his lips right as he pulls away and kissing him back.

It’s… something. It’s definitely something. It’s so much of a something, even, that it’s all he can think about for a good few seconds. That his lips are against Felix’s lips. That they’re kissing. That he’s got Lee Felix at his breakfast table, kissing him.

And then Felix pulls back, smiling, and slides himself onto Jisung’s lap, smooth and easy. He kisses him again from the different angle. Arms slip around his shoulders, one of Felix’s hands slides into his hair, and Jisung becomes complete putty in Felix’s hands because of it.

“Lix,” he mumbles, and the kissing stops, shiny brown eyes fixed on him, beautiful constellation of freckles up close, and a smile dancing on his friend’s - his boyfriend’s lips.

“Yeah?”

“Go out with me? Let me take you on a date.”

There’s an even wider smile, shining with delight. Jisung thinks he knows the answer before it’s spoken aloud, but it doesn’t hurt to hear it anyway.

“Of course. I can’t wait.”

*

“We brought brownies!”

Felix balances the box of them on one hand to show them off, beaming at the immediate enthusiasm from everyone else currently already gathered at Chan’s apartment.

“Lix brought brownies,” Jisung corrects, to immediate protest from his boyfriend.

“You helped make them!” Felix argues. “That means you get credit as well.”

“I literally only passed you the flour and the sugar,” he counters easily, shaking his head with a little smile. “Didn’t even weigh off the right amount, just passed you the bags.”

“And flour and sugar are essential parts of the brownie making process, Ji!” Felix protests, bumping their hips together. “So we brought brownies. Shut up.”

Jisung can only laugh at the immediate block of any further argument, looking over at the rest of their friends and shrugging. “I guess I also brought brownies,” he offers, admitting defeat.

They settle in the living room with the others, Jisung immediately dropping himself on top of Minho’s lap while Felix hands the brownies off to Seungmin who called dibs and then goes to wrap Chan up in a hug.

“Comfortable?” Minho asks Jisung with an even gaze and Jisung grins lightly, giving his best friend a thumbs up.

“A four-star review for sure,” he claims, wriggling around until he’s more comfortable and easily slipping his arms around Minho’s body. “Missed you.”

“Mhm,” is all Minho says, because god forbid he admits to having feelings himself, but his arms come around Jisung easily as well. They even stay like that all the way until Seungmin bullies Minho into getting him another soda from the kitchen. (“No, Changbin hyung, sit down, Minho hyung said he’s doing it!”)

Jisung gets off his friend’s lap and then is about to sit back down when he remembers what Felix said about Chan’s couch. Almost immediately his eyes find his boyfriend across the room, who’s already looking at him. The second their eyes meet, they both start giggling, no doubt thinking about the exact same thing.

Jisung makes a face and Felix sticks out his tongue, but they find each other somewhere in the middle anyway. The bean bag Hyunjin cleared to help Minho out with getting more drinks is where they settle on, Jisung sitting down first and Felix unabashedly taking the spot on his lap again, a place he’s come to really love by now. It’s been eight days. Jisung’s lap has never been less empty than in the last week.

“Glad you didn’t sit down on the sex couch,” Felix tells him in a low voice, and he huffs out another laugh.

“Shut up, that’s disgusting,” he protests, but Felix only smirks, that evil little glint of mischief in his eye. Jisung’s gaze hones in on Felix’s face immediately, watching the amusement and the happiness play over it, delighting in it.

“Make me,” Felix challenges, the glint in his eyes deepening, Jisung’s heart beating in his throat at the sight.

“What are you guys whispering about?” Hyunjin asks from somewhere, suspicious.

Like a moth to a flame, Jisung’s lips find true north as he kisses Felix right there, in the middle of all their friends. Chan’s living room becomes chaos .

Felix’s smile is beaming when Jisung pulls away. It’s all that matters.