Chapter Text
Chapter 1 - bad idea, right?
“You look great, you know?” Jesper hummed, taking down two glasses from one of his brightly coloured cupboards.
Of course his house was a Saintsforsaken crayola box. Only Jesper could possibly think that canary yellow looked good next to aubergine purple. It was nice to know he hadn’t changed.
“As opposed to when?” Wylan asked, tilting his head questioningly.
Jesper only laughed. “I don’t know, you always look great.”
There was something coy about the way he said it. Like he was nervous about speaking the words on his mind. Wylan blushed at the compliment, shaking his head. As simple as the words were, Jesper somehow still had a way of flattering him.
“Yes, I’m sure I look absolutely fantastic after being at a house party for the last hour.”
Jesper shot him a look. “As I said, you always look great.”
A silence fell over the room and the glasses clinked politely, not spilling a drop as Jesper strolled over to join Wylan on the sofa. Wylan took his glass of water gratefully, gulping down a few mouthfuls, trying to quench the thirst the alcohol had brought onto him.
“Why did you call me, Jesper?”
………
The room was hot and Wylan wanted nothing more than to escape the sweaty bodies that pressed closer together with every beat of the pounding song. He wasn’t sure why he agreed to come, he hates parties. But here he is, desperately searching the crowd for a familiar face.
Faces swam past in sparkled blurs and Wylan had to squint to make out details in the low lighting. Sure, the LEDs seemed cool, but they weren’t the best choice when you were trying to find a friend to cling onto.
Somehow during his search he managed to stumble through the door to a bathroom. The door clicked behind him, creating a barrier between him and the partying people. With a sigh Wylan leant back against the door, grimacing upon noticing his red curls flattened against his forehead.
Maybe the low lighting wasn’t such a bad idea.
It was a relatively nice bathroom, a cheap marble sink sat beside an ordinary-looking toilet. It wasn’t like the bathrooms in the Van Eck mansion, but Wylan didn’t mind that. He hadn’t lived there for years and he couldn’t be happier. He’d managed it, despite everything, he’d survived.
A buzzing made Wylan jump and he struggled to wrestle his phone from his pocket. It was probably Nina asking where he’d gone. It’d been her idea to come to this saintsawful party, something about ‘putting himself out there’. Wylan was perfectly fine right where he was, thank you, he didn’t need to ‘put himself out there’. Nina was just being a helicopter parent, he was perfectly fine.
The profile on his phone made him pause, though. Staring up at him was an illegally good picture of Jesper, smiling right at the camera like he wanted Wylan to melt into a puddle on the ground. Two emoji’s acted as the name: the water gun emoji and a broken heart emoji. At one point there had been a plethora of colourful hearts next to the water gun emoji, but now the single, red, broken heart sat solemnly in their place.
It had been a couple of months since he’d seen Jesper. Their breakup had been sudden and messy and Wylan would be lying if he said he hadn’t been a wreck for a few weeks. Nina had tried to comfort him by telling him it wasn’t his fault, but deep down Wylan knew he must’ve played some part in their relationship shattering into pieces.
But now Jesper was calling him and Wylan didn’t know what to do. The smart thing would be to ignore it, he was tipsy and looked a state and Jesper was his ex. But Saints he wanted nothing more than to escape this party he hadn’t wanted to go to in the first place. Jesper was giving him an escape and really, it would be silly to give up that chance, right?
Wylan sighed, making up his mind. Fuck it.
“Hello?”
There was quiet for a moment and during that time Wylan wondered if it had been a mistake to accept the call. Maybe Jesper hadn’t meant to call him? Maybe he was destined to remain in this generic bathroom with glitter smudged across his cheeks?
“Wylan?” Jesper’s voice crackling through the phone immediately quelled Wylan’s thoughts.
“Yeah, who else would it be?”
Jesper chuckled on the other end of the phone and Wylan smiled as he sat down with his back to the door. Someone whooped loudly outside and Wylan cringed, shooting a disdainful look over his shoulder.
“Where are you?”
“A party.”
“A party?” The surprise was evident in Jesper’s voice and Wylan let out a little laugh.
“Not my idea. Believe me, I’d be asleep by now if Nina hadn’t dragged me to some random person's house.”
Another person whooped outside, their calls muffled by the door. A chant began and Wylan groaned as Jesper burst out laughing.
“I’m so glad I’m not in there.”
“Really? It sounds like a blast!”
Glass shattered and Wylan winced. “Sure.”
There was another pause and Wylan felt the conversation dwindling. It was bound to end at some point, but Wylan found himself wishing it wouldn’t.
“D’you wanna come over?”
The question hung in the space between Wylan’s phone and his ear, echoing loudly in his mind. Another chance to escape this hell and it was being handed to him on a silver platter by none other than the amazing, gorgeous, hilarious Jesper Fahey. Who was he to say no?
“Yes.”
A few minutes later Wylan found himself outside the party house with Jesper’s new address fresh in his phone and a taxi on the way. He hadn’t seen Nina on the way out and in a way he was glad, she almost certainly would have tried to convince him that this was a terrible idea - rightfully, this was a bad idea.
But was it?
Wylan didn’t have time to question the rationality of his choices as his taxi pulled up and he clambered in. The ride was short and on multiple occasions Wylan considered shouting at the driver to stop. But he didn’t. Instead, he sat quietly in the back, his heart beating loud enough that it was a wonder the driver didn’t hear.
Wylan wouldn’t be able to tell Jesper’s apartment building from any other apartment building in Ketterdam. It was so uncharacteristically Jesper, that Wylan took a moment to check he was in the right place.
He checked the apartment number as his fingers ghosted over the buzzers. Taking a deep breath Wylan pressed on the correct one, waiting patiently for Jesper to grant access to the towering cement block. The buzz came a few moments later and Wylan blew out a breath in relief, pushing open the now unlocked glass door. The bright lights of the lobby made Wylan grimace and his heart dropped when he noticed the ‘Out of Order’ sign above the lift. Of course. Thank Ghezen that Jesper lived on the Second Floor.
It wasn’t too much of a climb, but by the time Wylan reached the Second Floor he was huffing and puffing. The night air had rid him of the sweat of the party but it came back as he caught his breath. He was going to kill Jesper and his stupid apartment building and his stupid staircase and his stupid smile and…
Wylan blinked as he faced a very good looking Jesper, standing in the doorway of what Wylan supposed was his apartment. It had only been a couple of months and yet Jesper seemed to have grown more handsome, or maybe that was just Wylan’s unreliable memory playing tricks on him. Still, Jesper’s skin looked golden under the fluorescents of the hallway, as if he were some sort of god. Wylan was aware that this shouldn’t be the case in as dingy a building as this, yet seeing Jesper again was making him miss what they were, what they could’ve been. Saints, he was tipsy.
There were plenty of other places Wylan could be right now. At home, still at that Saintsforsaken party, literally anyone else’s house! He was sure there were plenty other attractive men that would gladly invite him over - maybe not gladly - but here he stood, ogling in the doorway of the one person’s apartment he really shouldn’t be at.
“Are you gonna stand there all night, or are you gonna come in?” The smirk was evident in Jesper’s voice and it took everything to stop Wylan from kissing it right off the smug bastard’s lips. But no, he couldn’t be thinking about that.
“It’s freezing out here, of course I am.”
And with that he walked into what could possibly be the worst idea of his life… or maybe the best?
………
“Why did you call me, Jesper?”
The question hung in the air like a dying flower and for a moment Wylan wished he could take it back. He wanted to know, though. There had to be a reason why, out of all the people in Jesper’s phone, it was Wylan he chose to call. Why it was Wylan he chose to invite over.
After a while Jesper shrugged. “I was bored, wanted some company, you know how it is.”
Yes, Wylan did know how it was. Jesper didn’t like being bored and alone. That was one of the reasons why Jesper had been so unwilling to settle down with anyone before Wylan. He liked the chaos of having something with someone for a night and it being gone by the next morning. He liked the unpredictability of nights out. Would he go home with someone on his arm, or flirt shamelessly with someone in a dark corner?
As far as Wylan knew, he was the first - and only - person Jesper had actually been willing to settle down with. With Wylan, Jesper was almost never alone. With Wylan, he exchanged casinos and clubs for movies and morning coffees. But that wasn’t them anymore. They hadn’t seen each other for months and it was only because Jesper was bored and alone that they were together right now.
“Oh.” Was all Wylan managed, he had to admit, he was slightly disappointed that Jesper hadn’t called him because, well, because he wanted to see Wylan.
Once again, Jesper shrugged. “So,” He began again, turning to face Wylan who was now taking a generous mouthful of water. A bit dripped down his chin and Wylan cringed internally. Great Wylan, just spit it everywhere, why don’t you? If Jesper noticed, he didn’t mention it as he talked. “How’ve you been?”
Maybe Wylan was going to spit his water everywhere after all. He swallowed thickly, using the time to try and find an answer to the dreaded question. How had he been?
Let’s see…
He’d spent the first week after the breakup sobbing over rom-coms with Nina. She had eventually banned him from them after he broke out in sobs in the middle of Mamma Mia, singing dreadfully along to ‘Take a Chance On Me’ through the tears. It wasn’t that he was a bad singer, no, he was actually quite a marvellous singer. But trying to sing ‘One of Us’ through a waterfall of tears made him sound like Alys theatrically performing the latest song Adem had taught her.
The second week was supposed to be Wylan’s comeback, but he’d spent most of it cooped up indoors listening to music as he sketched - mostly pictures of Jesper. That had also been soon stopped when Matthais had found him sitting in exactly the same spot on the sofa as two days prior.
“What?” He had protested. “It’s comfortable.” Matthias had just shaken his head and dragged Wylan from his nest to go for a walk.
The third week Nina and Matthais had kept him so busy all he could do when he got home was collapse into bed and definitely not dream about Jesper. It was a wonder they found so many things to do: cafes on the daily, museums and aquariums and hikes - Saints, Wylan hated the hikes. Why in Ghezen’s name he would want to walk up an abnormally large hill only to walk back down it again after a few snaps on his phone was beside him, but it did take his mind off Jesper. Even if that was because he thought he was going to collapse at least twenty times in the first hour.
By the fourth week Wylan was doing better. In the aspect that he wasn’t crying every day, or holing up in his apartment alone with his thoughts. He still missed Jesper, but the radio silence from his boy- ex-boyfriend, did make the whole thing just that little bit better. Sure, Wylan had been friends with Jesper before they’d decided to make it something more, but being ‘just friends’ with Jesper after everything that happened wasn’t all that appealing to Wylan.
How was he supposed to be ‘just friends’ with someone he cared for so much?
The love hadn’t gone away. Wylan wasn’t sure if it ever would. But he’d found ways to manage it. Being alone with Jesper while one of them was drunk was definitely not one of those ways, but here Wylan was. Sitting next to his expectant looking ex-boyfriend.
“Good.” Wylan hummed, because what was he supposed to say? ‘I still love you so much, Jesper, and all this time away from you has been the shittiest time of my life, and I wish I could just kiss you and go back to how we were before, because you are the most amazing person in the entire world!’ No, Jesper would probably give him a pitying look and Nina would never let him hear the end of it.
“Good?”
“Yep.” Wylan said, confirming the lie.
Jesper nodded slowly, seemingly unconvinced. “Cool. Well, I’ve not been up to much. I forgot how many things I did were ‘our’ things, so I’ve kind of avoided a lot.” He shrugged as if his sentence hadn’t just ripped Wylan’s heart out, thrown it on the floor and stomped on it. “But you move on.”
Yes, you do move on. Or at least that’s what you’re supposed to do. It was hard to move on from something you expected to last forever. Wylan certainly wasn’t moving on just yet.
“Yeah…” Wylan said, if only to fill the awkward silence that had fallen over the pair.
Wylan took the time to further explore the apartment with his eyes. Plants were perched on almost every available space, though most of them seemed to be dying of thirst - Wylan resisted the urge to get up and pour the rest of his water into the pots. The curtains were drawn closed, displaying their vibrant patchwork squares to the room that was just as vibrant. Nothing seemed to match, but Wylan found he didn’t mind it too much. The clutter and the chaos was so inexplicably Jesper, it was almost endearing. It wasn’t until Wylan’s eyes fell upon a black and white cat that he made up his mind about the apartment.
“You have a cat?” He asked, watching as the cat stretched lazily, taking its sweet time as it meandered across the room to the sofa. It had been perched on an open book and Wylan tried not to smirk at the sight of the slightly dishevelled pages. That’s karma, for you.
Jesper followed Wylan’s gaze as the cat jumped onto the arm of the sofa, purring as Wylan scratched its back softly. “Yeah, that’s Milo.” He hummed. “I got him so I wasn’t alone all the time, you know?”
There it was again, that feeling of his heart being ripped out and stomped on. He wouldn’t be surprised if he just dropped dead at this point. Jesper was lonely. Wylan had realised that without him there, Jesper would be alone. But in his emotional state he had just assumed Jesper would go straight back to his casinos and clubs as if Wylan had just been a temporary setback.
“He’s cute.” Wylan said softly, scratching Milo behind his ears. The cat meowed back, as if in agreement, and Jesper let out a quiet laugh.
“He likes you.” Wylan smiled at that, lifting his hand as the cat settled down into his lap. He circled a couple of times before settling down fully and seemingly going to sleep.
Wylan stifled a yawn, the cat’s antics reminding him of the late hour. How Nina stayed up all night, he didn't know. He could hardly keep his eyes open past eleven bells.
“He has taste.” Wylan laughed quietly, glancing up at Jesper. They seemed much closer than before, but that could be Wylan’s memory deceiving him. There was mirth in Jesper’s eyes, light and gentle, as if he was enjoying the moment as much as Wylan was. It was nice to be with Jesper again, even if it was only as friends.
Another yawn rose up and Wylan gently covered it with his hand, stroking Milo absentmindedly as his eyes tracked across the ceiling. Somehow Jesper had managed to mark it and the boot shape made Wylan smile.
“How the fuck did you do that?” Wylan asked, pointing up at the mark with his free hand. Jesper followed Wylan’s finger, a grin splitting his face when he saw what Wylan was pointing at.
“Oh, I couldn’t get my shoe off.”
Wylan raised an eyebrow. “So you launched it at the roof?”
“It came off faster than I expected it to!”
“Into the ceiling?”
“Yes!”
Wylan threw him a sceptical look. “What, in Ghezen’s name, were you doing with your body to manage that?”
Jesper waggled his eyebrows. “Don’t you know? I’m a professional contortionist!”
Wylan snorted, startling the cat in his lap. Milo sent what could only be described as an incredulous, betrayed glare in Wylan’s direction.
“No, don’t hate me! Hate your owner and his terrible jokes!” Wylan whined, smoothing the cat in an attempt at peace. Jesper covered his mouth, doing his best to it his laughter to no avail. His body shook with laughter, jogging Wylan’s hand and earning a glare from both the cat and Wylan.
“My jokes are hilarious.”
Wylan nodded. “Hilariously bad, yes.” He leant in close to whisper in Milo’s ear. “Is this what you have to put up with?” Jesper scoffed as Milo let out a meow and nuzzled his face against Wylan’s.
“Stop trying to steal my cat.” He said, poking Wylan’s cheek to push his face away from the cat. “Or I will take away Milo privileges.”
Wylan gasped dramatically, holding the cat close. He made sure not to squeeze too tightly and if Milo’s purring said anything, the cat was absolutely fine. “You wouldn’t.”
Jesper raised an eyebrow. “No?”
Wylan shook his head slowly. “No.”
The smile that quirked at Jesper’s lips filled Wylan with a sense of joy and for a moment it was almost like how it used to be. On instinct, Wylan leaned forward ever so slightly, watching as Jesper’s eyes glanced to his lips for a nanosecond. Wylan opened his mouth to say something, but Jesper beat him to it.
“It’s getting late.” He said.
And just like that the moment was shattered, shards flying across the room and puncturing Wylan’s beating heart.
Wylan gulped. “Oh, yeah…” He hadn’t been outright rejected, really. Oh, who was he kidding? Of course he had.
Slowly, Wylan lifted the cat off his lap, standing up from the sofa as he pulled out his phone. He’d almost reached the door when Jesper called out, running despite the apartment only being a few feet wide.
“Where are you going?” He asked, frowning down at Wylan.
“Home?” The way Jesper’s face fell told Wylan he’d chosen the wrong answer. “Where else would I go?”
There was a blanket of silence before Jesper spoke again, quiet and almost indetectable. “You could stay here?” Wylan’s eyebrows shot up and a look of panic crossed Jesper’s face. “Only because you’ll have to pay for a taxi back, and my bed is, like, perfectly fine. Unless you want to sleep on the sofa, or maybe I should sleep on the sofa. Whatever, you can sleep wherever you want actually. Like the bath? No, wait not the bath but you know what I mean and-”
“Jesper.”
Jesper paused, trying to catch his breath as he stared down at Wylan with an indecipherable look in his eyes. It really was a stupid idea, wasn’t it? Exes weren’t supposed to stay over at each other's house. They most certainly were not supposed to share a bed and they definitely should not be standing as close as Wylan and Jesper were.
“Yeah?” Jesper asked, his face close enough to Wylan’s that it would only take a centimetre or two for Wylan to capture their lips together. But he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. Not because he didn’t want to, but because it would only end up complicating everything so much more than it already had been tonight.
“I’d love to stay over.”