Work Text:
[Prompt: Patient]
30 years. 1,570 weeks. 10957 days. It's a long time to be arguing with someone, especially someone you love. I wasn't sure that we would ever stop arguing. We were surely destined to disagree on mutant lives until we both ended up in the ground. The same ground. The same cold, dark soil despite all we had done to separate ourselves. I think that deep down it was a coping mechanism. My life as one big hell, drawn to a single point of anger like the eye of a needle I spent 30 years trying to drag him through. He would never fit through it, never see things my way. Stupid really, he could see everything and yet he couldn't even begin to fit through the eye of my political needle.
30 years started to become a barrier between me and him. My feelings would collide with that barrier and only ever rebound back into my cold and dark mind. I got what I wanted; Mutants safe and without persecution but it never felt any better.
Now all I want is a precious few of those years back. I want to break down that barrier, however I can not do it alone and he cannot break it down with me.
"Good morning Charles." I say as I enter the kitchen. He is sitting at the table with a plate of toast that Hank has probably made for him. Today is one of his brighter days.
"Erik! I didn't know if I would see you today." He put down his food and beamed at me. He sees me everyday and he has done for over 7 years now. Nevertheless, I can't bear to confuse him so I simply sit down across the table from him and return his smile with my own, warm and calm. "Hank tells me that you have started teaching a physics class to some of the students." Yes Charles, your physics class. I think to myself but I don't say it.
"I have. You love physics, remember?" He smiles at me once more, nodding enthusiastically.
"Of course I remember. It is such an interesting world we live in." He sounds like he might be reminiscing on things, it is beautiful to hear the animation in his voice.
"I thought we might go out on a walk together after you have finished your food." I get up from the table and pour myself a coffee, black of course. I keep my head turned towards him and he looks outside to the gardens. It's spring so the grass is as green as ever and the trees are beginning to flower. It's his favourite season.
"That would be most delightful." He always speaks with such a sophisticated vocabulary, its the Oxford in him. I adore it.
We are both already in our outfits for the day and the weather is warm enough that we don't need our coats but I put a light blanket over his lap just in case. Spring mornings always tease out a bit more of Charles' mind and its evident as soon as we leave the school. He is looking around every tree and plant as I move us down the path.
When we decided to go back to the school in 1994 I knew that things would change. Charles and I were entering our mid sixties and despite our advanced genes, we did begin to slow down. Hank told me relatively quickly that a telepath's mind often became fragile at this stage, the excessive use tore holes in the neurones over time. Still, it doesn't mean that seeing him like this is any easier. He is sixty seven, there are still plenty of years left in him. Some days are harder than others, sometimes he is more forgetful or less self preserving but not today. Sure, he is still forgetting things occasionally and definitely isn't as sharp as he was in 1962 but he is full of life and is a reminder of the man I ventured across America with.
"Did you know that the oldest living tree species is the Great Basin Bristlecone Pine? I don't think it is anything special, our cherry blossoms are far more appealing." He says, staring at the trees that line his lawn. I already know this fact, he has told me a thousand times but I act interested anyway.
"No I didn't but I agree, the cherry blossoms are prettier." They have been growing at the edge of the estate since before I first came here. They are a statement of the grounds. "Cherry blossoms are very prone to mutation, almost every tree has one." I stop pushing his chair and set the brakes. We are now under a canopy of the very trees he is so infatuated by and he could not look happier. I kneel down next to him before sitting down completely. The grass is fresh and smells exactly how I like to think of spring. It is sweet, dreamy. My mother would have loved it.
For a while neither of us say anything and the silence is quite comforting. The younger children run around chasing each other in a fit of giggles and Charles watches them with a pride you would only ever see in a father's eyes. I have grown rather fond of the children since our return and even more so since I took over most of Charles' classes. Scott, Peter and Storm are all helping too, taking one of the Professor's subjects to teach. They all understand the changes that he has undergone, after all his mind only tore itself apart to save them. I know that if we were back in 1962, before Cuba, before everything, if he knew that this would be his life if he continued to use Cerebro and help everyone, he would do it all over again.
He looks down at me and his eyes meet mine. He has obviously been thinking about something, "That is why they are beautiful." My brow quivers. "The cherry blossoms I mean." There is a look in his eyes when he says that which I almost can't place. I haven't seen it in a very long time.
"Hello old friend." I whisper.
"Hello, Erik." His voice catches and his mouth breaks into a small smile. I can't help but reciprocate it. He stretches his hand out for me to shake. I take it firmly and release a shuddery breath. This is not just one of his good days. It is his best.
"I've missed you." A tear runs down my cheek and he nods quickly, trying to keep his own tears back.
"I know you have and I have been waiting to understand why." He paused. "And I do now." Over time I started thinking that I was imagining Charles' presence in my mind. I thought that I was just holding onto what it used to feel like as though I was too scared to let it go but now I know that he is still there, I wasn't making any of it up.
"Hank misses you too." It would be wrong for me not to tell him that. Hank is his best friend and he deserves to know that he is loved. "I miss you both everyday." Now tears are falling from his eyes too. Our hands are still connected as we stare at each other with a recognition which I have been waiting far too long for. "What happened to me?" He asks with a different type of confusion than I'm used to. I know what he means but I have to think about it for a moment. Do I tell him that we are just getting older and he was dealt a harsher card? Or do I tell him that it was his own choices that lead him to this fate? Both options are cruel in their own way but I said I would never lie to him, that I would offer him a home and that means that the home has to stand on truth as a firm foundation.
"Cerebro pulled your mind apart over the years." A streak of sadness covers his face. Possibly regret. "But you saved everyone Charles." "That machine was always stronger than I was."
"I don't think so. You were that machine. There was no Cerebro without you."
We talk for hours about all of the students. He asks about Storm and Scott for a moment but shows a specific interest in Peter. I tell him everything that I know but it is not what he wants to hear. He never could lie to me. I know that there is something he was hoping had happened but I bring him no joy with my answers. If he wants to ask he will, but I make no assumptions about what it may be. We drift between speaking about the school, the world and everything in between. I am filling him in on over 4 years of history, some of which he remembers, some of which he finds hard to believe. He knows I am being truthful with him though, I can fully feel him in my mind now. It is exactly how I remember it but I am no longer scared of him finding some dark part of me that I hid away during the war. He can be free in my memories as I hope to be in his.
"I am sorry that I never tried to see things your way, my friend." He admits. His eyes fall into his lap and I follow his gaze to his hands while I conjure up a response but before I can give him one, he cuts me off. "If I could take back even a few years, I would. I suppose that is what we were trying to do in Paris." I miss Paris greatly. We played chess for hours without worrying about some nuclear threat that would blow the world off of its axis if we didn't stop it. We were just two ordinary men living the lives of ordinary people.
"And I am sorry that I let my vengeance cloud my judgement." He smiles when I say that. I give him a confused smile and a little laugh. "What is it?" I ask. He looks at me again, his eyes tracing my face. "Despite you shooting me in the back and me trying to control you we are still here together 30 years later. I find it quite remarkable." His voice is laced with adoration. "Oh I don't know, it's probably a trauma bond or something." He bursts out in laughter and I can't help but let out a chuckle. His smile reaches his eyes and he looks so alive. I want to freeze the picture and keep him like this forever.
He takes a few minutes to compose himself and I sit, running my hands through the grass as his joy pours into my ears like a song. Once he stops laughing he lets out a long sigh. I can see that he is getting tired but I don't want to take him back inside yet. I don't know how long I've got him like this before he'll forget it all. He is in my head again. The way his eyes scan the view in front of us tells me that he is trying to remember it all for the days when I am too busy teaching to bring him out here. I am going to make this more of a habit now that I'm aware he can come back to me. Faintly I hear him whisper, "He is going to hate me for this." I turn my head up to look at him and he rubs his head slightly before trailing his eyes out to Peter who is sitting with a few of the students out on one of the house's many porches.
"He is your son, Erik." I laugh at the thought but he doesn't break his serious look. I move my whole body around to face Charles now. "Are you serious?" The words fall out of my mouth in a crumpled mess. I knew that the kid liked me and for some reason always acted odd when I was around but I thought it was because of my reputation, never once had it even occurred to me that he could be...
"He is your son." Charles repeats. He doesn't look at me, nor does he seem to expect me to react in a certain way. My body freezes but my mind runs in circles as I try to grip onto any sense of reality. I know that I saw a few women in my twenties but that was so long ago that I almost erased the nights from my mind. They were impulsive little decisions that weren't ever supposed to have any kind of meaning.
"Why are you telling me this?" I swallow hard and force him to make eye contact with me. I put my hand on the arm of his chair. "Why now?" "Because I don't know if I'll have another opportunity." He tries to turn himself towards me. "If this is the last time I ever get to talk to you like this then I don't want to leave anything unsaid. He may never tell you but I need you to know before I forget it." There is a real pain to his voice that also radiates inside of me. I want to shout at him for not telling me sooner. I want to thank him for making sure that it never went untold. I want to give him every possible reaction that I am capable of. He takes my hand in his and says,
"I know." Of course he does, he doesn't need to remind me but I am glad that he does. "The cherry blossoms are stunning this time of year." I feel him slipping away so I squeeze his hand tighter and gesture to the ones behind the students across the grass.
"Yes they most certainly are."