Chapter Text
The day they graduated, Baekhyun accepted that there’s really no reason for Kyungsoo to stay.
Kyungsoo starts work immediately after the ceremony, working for a big company that’s known to do quite well in the past few decades. It’s what happens when he finished university with flying colors and when the CEO takes a particular liking to him, and mentors him throughout his internship.
Meanwhile, it took his best friend a bit longer to land a job, and one that has nothing to do with his degree. Baekhyun thinks it’s funny that Kyungsoo is still able to fit him in his schedule; even when he's probably a million more times busy than he is.
In a corner of Chanyeol’s house, they stand facing each other with a bottle of beer in their hands, three years after they’ve marched up the stage to get their diplomas. Kyungsoo's done well in the same company and has climbed up the ladder to become the head of his division, something that’s impressive for someone who has only been in the company for three years.
And Baekhyun, well.
Baekhyun is still keeping himself afloat; earning enough to pay rent and bills, and satisfy his huge appetite, which is really what matters the most to him, aside from working a job that he tolerates.
Baekhyun pants softly and sends a crooked smile Kyungsoo’s way. He'd just finished yelling Happy Birthday to the tallest fucking Yoda ever! May you live long and prosper! Oh wait, is that a different movie? when someone offers a toast to Chanyeol turning 25. He'd made his way to Kyungsoo and offered him a drink while everyone had been distracted, with the birthday boy raving with one of his co-workers with a smile and a bottle in each hand.
“You’re so loud that it physically hurts sometimes,” Kyungsoo says quietly with a judging stare.
“And you’re painfully awkward, but you don’t see me complaining,” Baekhyun retorts.
“We're perfect for each other, really.” Kyungsoo smirks as he holds his bottle out.
“Truer words have never been said.” Baekhyun clinks their bottles together. He takes a swig from his bottle, not once pulling his gaze from Kyungsoo. “Want to go out? Maybe we can go on a food trip again. We haven't done that in years.” He turns to the crowd and points towards Chanyeol, drunk-dancing in the middle of his living room. “I’m sure he won’t mind. He looks like he’s having the time of his life. Or he has a bee hive in his pants.”
Kyungsoo smiles apologetically. “I can’t. I’m leaving for Tokyo tomorrow.”
“Ah, that's fine. Just do me a favor and do a checklist before you leave? You know what happened the last time you left your passport. Bring extra scarves and thermal wear. I know you're too lazy to bother putting on contacts so don't forget your glasses." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, but actually ends up whipping his phone out to take note of all the reminders. Baekhyun leans back on the wall with a lopsided smile. “I forgot that one of us actually is a useful citizen of this society.”
“We could be working together, you know,” Kyungsoo points out with a shrug.
Baekhyun licks his lips in thought. "Me? Sitting on a desk from eight to five. I’m useless like that.”
“You’re doing what you love.” Baekhyun looks down at him when the shorter bumps their sides together playfully. “That's something to be proud of."
It wouldn’t be so bad, Baekhyun thinks, if I didn’t feel like I am less important. Less deserving of –
“I should visit the hotel soon, huh?” Kyungsoo looks up at him through his lashes and pouts his lips. “It’s been a while.”
“You should,” Baekhyun nods in agreeance. “Jongin misses you. He thinks my music taste sucks.”
“He’d like you more if you played more songs his style,” Kyungsoo suggests. “And maybe– hold on.” With a turn of his head, Baekhyun sees Kyungsoo with his phone in hand, swiping his finger across the screen and holding a finger up at him. “Work calls. Let me take this.”
Baekhyun nods and watches him disappear into the crowd and outside the door.
The exact time the door closes, the realization hits Baekhyun hard -- that in Kyungsoo's massive world, there shouldn't really be much of a space left for him. There's no gap that he needs to be the one to fill. Disposable; can easily be replaced and forgotten.
The thing about being in love with his best friend is that it doesn't immediately all at once. There was a time when he's only ever seen Kyungsoo as a friend, but he'd wondered once in a while whether it's normal for his heart to race when he sees Kyungsoo. Is it normal to feel small whenever they’re around. Is it normal when you find himself thinking of this person more often than other matters? Is it normal that he desperately wants to be with him almost seven days a week?
Baekhyun answers every question in his mind as he runs through the liquor left in his cup. He decides that the answer to every question is a resounding no. In conclusion, Baekhyun has feelings that he shouldn't have with the person he doesn't remotely deserve at all.
There are feelings that have been there for the longest time and ignorance had been his best friend through it all, but it gets harder over time to overlook his feelings and how Kyungsoo is totally out of his league.
“Didn't you say you were going out with Kyungsoo?” A voice snaps Baekhyun back to reality and he's met by Chanyeol’s wide eyes staring down at him.
“Change of plans. Did you know that he's travelling overseas tomorrow?" He asks casually, filling his cup back to the brim when he realized he had downed all of the contents he'd poured in just a few minutes ago.
“Yeah. I heard from Minseok," Chanyeol says. "Is that why you're still here?"
“He's too busy.” To go out. To spend time with him. For Baekhyun.
“He has been working a lot,” Chanyeol nods in agreement. “I think he’s getting considered for a promotion, actually. The boss really takes a particular liking to him and – hey? I think you should slow down.”
Baekhyun stares at the hand that's stopping him from finishing his cup. He sighs and steps aside, moving away from Chanyeol’s reach.
“Hey, is there something wrong?” Chanyeol sounds genuinely concerned, watching as Baekhyun downs the rest of his drink. “You gotta slow down, man."
He stares at Kyungsoo standing in the middle of the living room curiously with that big, deer-in-headlights smile. How can he be so in love with those doe eyes? I’m not good for enough for him. There’s really no reason for him to stay.
“I’m okay,” he tells Chanyeol. But no, he isn’t, and he thinks that he probably never will be. Not for the person he loves anyway.
★ ☆ ✮ ✯
The first thing that Baekhyun notices when he stirs awake is the cold leather pressed against his cheeks and the cold air from the AC tickling the exposed skin, uncovered by his sweater that’s riding up his torso.
Chanyeol’s arms around his waist is the last thing he remembers, along with his booming voice saying I’m hailing Baekhyun a cab to take him home. You should pack up, Kyungsoo. Aren’t you leaving in 6 hours? After that, it’s all a big blur and he vaguely remembers being shoved inside a car door.
“You’re so drunk that I’m surprised you’re still alive,” the driver says without even sparing him a single glance after noticing him moving in the back.
The thing with Baekhyun is that he isn’t good at all at drinking. Several bottles of beer will make him trip about eight hundred times on flat ground, will mess with his sense of sight and balance, and will make his face look like a strawberry. Tonight, he probably drank seven times of what he usually drinks. And when he’s drunk, he gets louder. Way, way, way louder.
“I,” he pushes himself up as he slurs his words and leans forward so that his face is near the back of the driver’s head, “am not drunk. I’m just really, really sleepy. That’s all.”
The driver snorts. “Yeah, right.”
“You sure are nosy for a cab driver,” Baekhyun huffs and throws himself back to lean on the back rest.
The driver visibly stiffens on his seat and leaves their conversation at that, opting to focus his attention on the road. The radio is the only sound that surrounds them, and after an obnoxious trap song comes up, Baekhyun decides to break the silence again.
“So there’s this person I like,” Baekhyun starts with his eyes closed. “He was there at the place you picked me up from. He’s leaving the country in the morning.”
The driver glances at him from the mirror and sees Baekhyun’s solemn expression as he leans his head back. “Okay?”
“I mean, he’s not going away for a long time,” Baekhyun continues, opens his eyes for a split second, and rolls them shut again. “His trip is just one week long.” The man behind the wheels opens his mouth to say something, but Baekhyun beats him to it. “I know that it isn’t anything big. It is just one week, but he's still going away."
Baekhyun is still very much drunk. Despite looking stable and sober, he’s concentrating so hard on finishing his sentences and trying not to puke on the cab’s clean mats. But not even having to concentrate hard stops his mouth from running. He’s still very loud.
He doesn’t even wait for the driver to speak when he continues their one-sided conversation. “I feel like –” he sighs and crosses his arms like a little baby, “I feel like I’m holding him back.”
Baekhyun thinks that the shallowness and the stupidity of the things he’s saying will stop the driver from acknowledging his existence, but he hears a reply anyway. “Holding him back how?” The driver asks with a curious tone.
“I don’t know,” Baekhyun half-mumbles and half-slurs as he presses his head against the car window. “He’s smart. He’s going places.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
Baekhyun laughs. “I won’t ever see you again. You’re probably the best person to tell all of this to.” He licks his lips as he drags his gaze to the outside of the car window. “Now, will you please stop interrupting my story?”
The driver mutters something with the words sometimes and punch, and Baekhyun thinks the driver just said that he wants to punch him. The corners of Baekhyun’s mouth cracks a grin though when the driver says, “by all means, continue your story.”
There’s an uncomfortable silence that was soon broken by the brunet. “First and last time. Just listen, alright?” Baekhyun says without even opening his eyes. “Anyway,” Baekhyun throws himself back and stares lazily at the blurry lights Seoul has to offer. “Long story short, I’m here. He’s everywhere. And I know he’s going to leave someday because there are probably billions of other things that are better he can go after that are better than me. Sometimes, I think I should just leave to stop my illusions that I have a chance. It probably wouldn’t make much of a difference if I leave.”
He thinks of huge, round eyes and pink, heart lips, which are so familiar because Kyungsoo’s always been there to stay. He thinks of comforting hands, a soothing voice, and the gray hoodie that accompanied him whenever Kyungsoo wasn’t around. He thinks he’ll have to get used to detaching himself because it’s bound to happen soon. He really wishes it isn’t going to.
“Don’t you think you’re being too hard on yourself?”
Laughing quietly, Baekhyun shakes his head and shuts his eyes. “I’m not. If you knew Kyungsoo. You would know what I mean.”
A long silence comes again, and Baekhyun thinks for a split second that he’s just been imagining the whole conversation in his head. “You don’t know what’s good for him,” the driver says finally, and it makes Baekhyun’s lips crack a smirk.
“Maybe I don’t.” Baekhyun nuzzles deeper in his seat and closes his eyes. “But I can tell what’s bad for him.”
The driver bites his tongue and waits for him to finish.
“And I’m one hundred percent sure, that’s me.”
★ ☆ ✮ ✯
Kyungsoo and Baekhyun met during their first year in college as classmates in six out of their six classes. They were under the same degree program and had the same, exact schedule, which meant they had to stick together.
Kyungsoo was too shy to approach him, but he didn’t have to when Baekhyun finally sits right beside him on their fourth class together. He pointed out that so far, all of they had the same subjects with the same timeslots. And Kyungsoo only looked at him with wide eyes, nodding at everything Baekhyun was saying. It took a while for Kyungsoo to ease into befriending Baekhyun, but the mousy brunet had made it all easier.
He was talkative (really, one of Kyungsoo’s worst pet peeve) and Kyungsoo wasn’t. Baekhyun was impulsive and Kyungsoo took time analyzing everything. Baekhyun was a great communicator and public speaker. Kyungsoo preferred communicating through writing.
There wasn’t anything Kyungsoo could really teach Baekhyun (except having good manners, avoiding procrastination, and avoiding laziness), but he certainly learned a lot from latter.
So even when they were polar opposites, it was okay. Because without Baekhyun, he thinks he wouldn’t be half the person he is now and without him, Baekhyun wouldn’t have graduated at all.
★ ☆ ✮ ✯
“Good morning, sunshine!” A deep raspy voice sing songs as the curtains blocking the biggest window in the apartment is pulled back, revealing a very hung over Baekhyun to the morning. “Get up. Kyungsoo reminded me last night to make sure you didn’t die from alcohol poisoning.”
Sleepily, Baekhyun groans and throws a blanket over his head after throwing a pillow towards Chanyeol’s head. “Go away,” he mutters against his sheets as he snuggles closer to his bed.
“No, seriously. You have work tonight. Get yourself together.” Putting his hands on his waist, Chanyeol stands over Baekhyun in front of his bed. He’s only met by soft snoring and the unmoving body of Baekhyun. With an evil plan in his mind, he gives a devilish smile and turns towards the door of the apartment. “Kyungsoo! Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be in the airport?”
It’s like Baekhyun becomes a living jack-in-a-box with how fast he throws the covers off of him and springs up from his bed. He whips his head towards the door so hard he almost gives himself a whiplash, only to glare at the evil giant when he figures out that it’s just a joke.
“Asshole.” Baekhyun pierces glares through Chanyeol’s forehead. He ignores the fact that Chanyeol knows what will make him peel himself off of the bed.
“Touching. Please act alive,” Chanyeol says with a sweet smile before he pads across the apartment to the small kitchen. He fills a glass up with water and opens the paper bag he left on the dining table when he first entered the apartment.
Baekhyun takes the glass in his hands and downs it in one take, droplets of water rolling from the corner of his lips because of the desperation to quench his thirst brought by the alcohol. He drops on a chair and watches Chanyeol taking food out with small interest, opting to fumble with the envelops on his dining table that he must’ve dropped there a few days ago. Phone bill, electricity bill, mail from Busan, water bill...
“You know,” Chanyeol breaks the silence again as he takes out the sandwich he brought from the store across the street, “I think this is getting out of hand.” His eyes meet Baekhyun’s, who’s staring up at him through his lashes. “You’re drinking more frequently. It’s not healthy.”
“Hypocrite,” Baekhyun snorts. “Between us, who spends a fourth of his week in bars? I'll give you a clue,” Baekhyun leans forward with narrowed eyes and whispers, “it’s not me.”
“Sure, I have a glass or two every other day, but I don't get plastered every time I drink,” Chanyeol says, his voice slightly sterner than earlier. “It's called drinking responsibly."
“Do you want an award?” Baekhyun asks mockingly as he takes the sandwich Chanyeol sets down in front of him. “It’s not like I get drunk every week.”
“You don't,” Chanyeol replies nonchalantly. “Just recently because something -- no, someone -- is bugging you really hard. Like a freaking fly that keeps buzzing around your ear that you can't just swat away."
Baekhyun lets out a loud snort as he takes a huge bite of the sandwich in his hands. “Speculation. You don't know the first thing in my mind."
The chair screeches against the floor when Chanyeol moves to sit on it. He mutters an apology when he sees Baekhyun cringe at the sound and then leans back on the chair. “Then tell me what your problem is."
“Don’t you have work in thirty minutes?” Baekhyun attempts to change the topic as he swallows the bread and chicken. “Kyungsoo’s going to be pissed if he finds out you’ve been slacking off.”
“Trust me, he isn’t going to get mad that I’m not at our office at this time,” Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “Now, answer my question.”
Baekhyun gulps thickly and sets the remainder of his food back down on the plastic container. “Why are you even asking? By the sound of it, it seems like you've already known for a while."
“I'd be pretty fucking stupid if I didn't notice,” Chanyeol nods. He explains that his knowledge comes with spending four years with both Kyungsoo and Baekhyun in college and three more years after that does the trick and how he’s caught Baekhyun too many times staring at Kyungsoo like it's a sin to look at him or even be in his presence. “I just want to make sure that you can admit it to yourself."
Baekhyun wipes his mouth with a paper napkin and pushes the plastic container aside, all the appetite leaving his system. “I really don't need you, of all people, to remind me.” Baekhyun avoids Chanyeol’s gaze and settles on looking at his lap. “I know my place very well.”
“And what place are you in?” Chanyeol puts his elbows on top of the wooden table and leans forward, speaking to Baekhyun in a challenging voice.
“Nowhere near Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun answers simply as he crosses his arms and leans back on his seat. “Nowhere near.”