Chapter Text
Sparks are flying around. Ray has been sitting in the same position for what feels like hours and his legs are going numb. He moves the welding rod away to see his work. It’s looking better now.
Last time Cardinal Tango had been deployed she had gotten a nasty tear on her left arm. It’s Ray’s job to repair the damage. The jagged pieces of metal had finally decided to show Ray some mercy and had fused together. Which means it’s Ray’s time to clock out.
He removes his helmet and wipes off the sweat that has been gathering under it. Next stop, the showers. And hopefully after that the mess hall will still serve something edible. Unlike whatever it was that they tried to pass off as food yesterday. Ray starts to weave his way through the other people still doing repairs on Cardinal, nodding his head to some of them.
He has been a part of Cardinal Tango’s team for two years now. As far as jobs go, it could be worse. When Ray was a kid he and his dad used to work on old cars together and this could be seen as a next step to that. Everything is just bigger and more complicated.
Sure, it’s not what he wanted to become when he came into The Jaeger Academy. But life rarely goes the way you originally planned it to go. One moment he was in his twenties thinking that he would be a Jaeger pilot who is married to the woman he loves. Then one blink of an eye and he was in his thirties, divorced and welding pieces of metal together. Oh, and also living in Alaska.
The giant sea monsters are just a cherry on top of a cake that is Ray’s shitty life.
He is deep in his thoughts when a familiar voice greets him from the crowd.
“I can smell you from the other side of the hallway. You do know that we have showers here, right?” Frannie says to him and moves to walk next to him.
“Yeah, well some of us have real jobs here. Can’t spend the days drooling after the pilots, unlike you.”
“No need to be jealous, Ray. I can invite you to come along someday, I know all the best spots,” she says with a smile and fiddles with a clipboard that she’s holding. There is a long list of names written on it.
“The cadets are having a training session in the Kwoon this evening?” Ray asks and waves his hand towards the clipboard. Frannie is often one of the people taking notes during the candidate trials which means that she is a good source of information regarding new potential Drift Compatible pairs.
“Not just any training session. They are looking for Fraser’s new co-pilot,” Frannie says with a tone that seems way too excited.
Ray has never personally met Fraser. Possibly because the Shatterdome is a big place and the pilots tend to stick to their own group. But he knows of him. Everybody does. He is a Canadian Jaeger pilot. He and Ray Vecchio, Frannie’s brother, were the Rangers assigned to Striker Wolf. Together they fought the Kaiju several times and people view them basically as celebrities.
They seemed to have a good thing going on until the Head of San Francisco Shatterdome got killed in a Kaiju attack. PPDC wanted an experienced pilot to be his successor and Vecchio ended up getting the job. From what Ray has been told by Frannie, he has been doing a good job running the show in Frisco, but he no longer pilots a Jaeger. Which means that Fraser lost his co-pilot.
That was six months ago and Fraser still hasn’t found a replacement. But Fraser is too good of a pilot to be thrown away like that, so the PPDC keeps searching. People have started to whisper and when you have a job like Ray’s you tend to hear all sorts of gossip, whether you want to or not. Fraser has a reputation for being a bit of a freak. He mostly hangs out by himself and talks to his dog. Apparently even before he and Vecchio became partners, Fraser had gone through countless candidate trials without finding a match.
Ray can’t judge somebody based on that. When he was a student he never found anybody who he was Drift Compatible with. He either predicted the other students’ moves too easily or they beat him four to zero. After that, he dropped out of the Ranger program and switched to engineering. Or more accurately, he got booted out. But dropping out sounds less humiliating.
“You should come and watch, it’s pretty entertaining. And I know you don’t have anything better to do this evening,” Frannie says. Ray notices that while he has been lost in his thoughts, they have ended up near the combat room. Ray hasn’t set foot in one of these rooms since his Academy days. Part of him wants to just go to the showers and not be reminded of his past failures, but Frannie is right. He doesn’t have anything better to do. And he is interested in getting a better look at the man behind all the gossip.
“You know, usually my evenings are all booked up but, lucky for you, I’m free today.”
“Yeah, right,” Frannie rolls her eyes.
They step inside the room. Ray settles himself to lean against a wall and looks around. The room is full of people. Most of them are cadets but Ray can easily spot the ones who aren’t. Before today he has only ever seen Fraser from far away but as Ray’s gaze lands on him one thing becomes clear. He is very good-looking. Ray can understand why Frannie was so excited to come here. Seeing a man like that work up a sweat was probably her birthday wish.
Fraser is standing in the middle of the mat, holding a staff that was most likely going to be used as a weapon in today’s fights. The cadets are whispering to each other excitedly. All of them want to be paired up with an experienced pilot. Ray feels a bang of nostalgia when he remembers being in their shoes years ago.
“Shall we get started then,” says the woman who is the head of the cadet program. Her name is Thatcher if Ray remembers correctly. People usually just call her the Ice Queen. She is a good teacher but she has a reputation of being very demanding of her students.
“Yes, sir,” the cadets chorused.
“Jack Wilson, you are going first,” Frannie yells from her spot.
Jack Wilson steps on the map and Ray can immediately tell that he is not going to be the chosen one. The man is visibly nervous and Fraser seems to notice that as well because he shoots him an encouraging smile. It’s a sweet gesture but Wilson misses it because he is looking anywhere but towards Fraser. The fight is over in less than a minute when Fraser lands four easy hits on him with his staff.
“Good fight,” Fraser says and Ray feels that if anybody but Fraser had said that it would have felt like an insult. Somehow Fraser manages to make it sound like he actually means it.
The fights after that follow a similar pattern. Some of them last longer than Jack Wilson’s attempt and a couple of the cadets even manage to land a hit or two on Fraser. But there is nothing that would indicate any compatibility. Fraser’s expression remains neutral throughout most of it, but Ray is following his face closely and sometimes, for a moment, he looks resigned.
Since the fights aren’t all that exciting Ray has started to entertain himself by trying to guess what Fraser’s next move is going to be. And to his surprise, he seems to be pretty good at reading Fraser. Right ankle, he thinks and a moment later Fraser hooks his staff behind a student’s right ankle and makes him fall on the mat. Left upper arm, and Fraser taps his opponent's flower tattoo on her left arm.
Sure, analyzing a fight from the audience is different than being in the ring yourself. Still, watching all these people trying and failing makes Ray want to see if he can put up a better fight. He’s not a student and he hasn’t practiced in a long time. But maybe fighting is like riding a bike: you learn it once and after that, you will never forget it.
“That was the last name on my list,” Frannie announces and smiles at Fraser sympathetically. Fraser’s expression is still neutral, and it looks like he hasn’t even broken a sweat. Pity. Maybe Ray could change that.
“Are you guys accepting gate-crashers? I would like to give this a try,” Ray says and hopes that the smirk he forces on his face makes him look relaxed. Suddenly everybody in the room is staring at him.
“Ray, what are you doing?” Frannie whispers at him but since she is standing on the other side of the room it’s not very subtle.
“You are not one of my students,” the Ice Queen says but her tone is questioning more than anything else.
“Nah, I’m not. Or uh, I guess I used to be a cadet, but not anymore. I’m an engineer now,” Ray starts to babble. He turns towards Fraser. “C’mon, what do you say? It could be fun.”
“All right,” Fraser says with a polite smile. “I see no harm in trying.”
Ray’s heart starts to beat wildly and for a moment he is afraid that everybody in the room can hear the sound of it. He shrugs off his jacket and removes his shoes. If somebody asked him later what made him think this would be a good idea, he would have no answer. Maybe he just likes embarrassing himself.
Somebody hands him a staff when he steps on the mat. It feels familiar in his hands. Maybe all those failed candidate trials back when he was a cadet would be useful after all.
“When did you last spar?” Fraser asks. His tone is curious.
“Don’t worry, I think I can handle myself. Landing a hit is good, getting hit is bad. Did I get that right?”
“I wasn’t trying to imply that you don’t understand the rules.”
“Tell me, are you tired after all those fights? Just wondering if you want me to go easy on you,” Ray says, trying to rile Fraser up. Emotional opponents make mistakes easier. And he also wants to see if he can make him break his poker face.
“This is not about winning. It’s about being in harmony with each other,” Fraser reminds him. But there is a small glint in his eye and Ray can tell that he is a competitive guy even if he is trying to hide it. Well, if he wants a competition, Ray can give him that.
Fraser moves to strike first and just like when he was in the audience, Ray can see where the hit is being aimed towards. It’s an easy move to block and Ray turns it into a quick counter-attack. The tip of his staff lands on Fraser’s right side and a look of surprise flashes on his face. Ray smirks.
“One-zero,” Frannie says.
“Your eyes are snitching you out. I can see your moves a mile away.”
Ray doesn’t have time to taunt more because Fraser is moving again. He is faster this time and Ray doesn’t even have time to shift his weight around before he feels the staff being pressed against the side of his neck.
“One-one,” Frannie announces.
“I appreciate the advice. But I would recommend that you focus on the fight instead of bantering.”
The next rounds last longer. They are striking, blocking and moving around. Ray forgets that they have an audience, he is so focused on Fraser and what his next move is going to be. It feels great. It feels, well, it feels like dancing. Back when he and Stella were still together they used to go dancing often. And every time the music started Ray felt like their bodies fused together. During their years together there had been many times when they hadn’t understood each other but on the dance floor, they were always in sync.
Maybe it’s a strange time to be reminded of Stella. His thoughts make him falter for a moment. Fraser makes a complicated set of moves and the end result is that Ray is pinned on the mat. Ray can feel Fraser’s warm breath on his face and it makes his brain short-circuit. Their faces are very close.
“Four points to three. Game, set and match,” Thatcher says and Ray crashes back to Earth. Right, they are in the combat room and there are people watching. The cadets are watching them curiously, some of them whispering something.
Ray has sparred with many people but it has never felt like this. Holy shit. He and Fraser are Drift Compatible, no doubt about that. Fraser gets up and offers Ray his hand to help him off the floor.
“I don’t believe that we have been introduced,” Fraser says. He is still holding Ray’s hand.
“Uh,” Ray says smartly. “I’m Ray. Uh, Ray Kowalski. Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, Ray,” Fraser says and smiles. “My name is Benton Fraser.”
“Yeah, Fraser, I know who you are.”
“Well, it seems that the search is over,“ Thatcher’s tone is commanding as she interrupts them. She is assessing Ray with her gaze. “You will have the trial run with Striker tomorrow. Get ready.”
“Yes, sir,” Fraser nods at her and she marches out of the room.
Ray still can’t quite believe this. Tomorrow he is going to be inside a Jaeger. The dream that he had given up. There have been times when he has been doing maintenance inside Cardinal Tango’s cockpit. He had imagined what it would feel like to have a giant machine like that responding to his moves and his thoughts. Pretty soon he would know.
“Ray? Have you had dinner yet? I was wondering if you would like to get something to eat with me,” Fraser asks and Ray’s stomach does a flip. Calm down, Kowalski, the guy is just trying to get to know you. It’s not a proposal.
“Yeah, let’s go. I was actually planning to go to the mess before I came here, so I’m starving,” Ray says and smiles at Fraser. They start to walk towards the hallway. On their way out Ray catches the stunned look on Frannie’s face and he shrugs his shoulders at her. Life has surprised him once again, this time in a positive way. Hopefully.
“Diefenbaker will be very disappointed that he missed the match between us. But really, it’s his own fault. He has been quite pessimistic about me finding a new co-pilot. I have told him that it would be more helpful for me if he was more encouraging, but it seems you can’t rely on a wolf for emotional support.”
“Huh, who’s Diefenbaker? And what was that about wolves?” Ray glances at Fraser as they walk. He suddenly remembers all the gossip about him. Tomorrow they would Drift with each other. They would see each other’s memories, hear the other’s thoughts and feel the other’s emotions. He wonders if it’s a good idea to share a mind with somebody who is possibly unhinged.
“He is…well as a matter of fact, there he is. He can introduce himself,” Fraser says and gestures ahead. Ray turns his face forward and sees a big white dog jogging towards them. Or a wolf. Wolfdog. Right, this must be the dog that Fraser apparently talks to.
“Dief, meet Ray Kowalski. He and I will be taking Striker Wolf on a trial run tomorrow.” Dief yips excitedly and jumps on Ray, almost knocking him down.
“Whoa, hey there, buddy. Nice to see you, too. Are you coming to eat with us?” Dief barks and turns around to run towards the mess hall.
“I think you two are going to like each other.“
“I figured life would be quieter up north, but I never met a wolf when I was living in Chicago.”
“Interesting. There seem to be a lot of people here in Anchorage from around there. I wonder why that is.”
“Well, this is the second most popular holiday destination for us Chicagoans. Right behind Antarctica.”
The mess hall is quiet. It must be late. Ray observes Fraser who is sitting the opposite of him. He has so many questions, but it seems almost pointless to ask them now. After tomorrow there will be no secrets between them.
It’s scary. He barely knows Fraser and tomorrow Fraser will know him better than anybody else ever has.
“What’s it like? Sharing a mind with someone,” Ray asks.
Fraser is quiet for a moment before he replies. “Natural. It feels like you have spent all your life alone waiting for somebody who understands you. And then they are finally there and you can just be yourself. Perhaps it can seem complex if you haven’t experienced it, but to me, there is nothing more simple than melding with somebody.”
It rattles Ray a bit. The fact that Fraser is so open about his own loneliness. Sometimes Ray feels like since the divorce all he has done is to try and convince people that he doesn’t feel empty and unwanted. If Frannie’s joke from earlier about him spending all his nights alone is anything to go by, he hasn’t been very convincing.
“Oh yeah? You aren’t afraid that I have some fucked up thoughts that will infect you?” Ray tries to joke.
“No, Ray. I’m not afraid of that,” Fraser says and he sounds so sincere. Ray tries to take a bite of his food but there is a lump in his throat and he can’t get it down.