Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I need you to try and break in to my old room.”

Kaz didn’t even look up. “When?”

“That’s at your discretion, I just need to know how effective the security measures we’ve put in place are.”

“Do I get a cut of whatever you’re hiding there?”

Wylan wasn’t sure how he should answer that. “See if you can get in, then we’ll talk.”

-

It was the first time they actually used the room that Kaz decided to stop in.

It was pouring rain, and Wylan came in from a long day of meetings soaked and shivering. Jesper had coaxed him into a hot bath, then offered that they go sit by the fire in the nursery.

So here they were, laying on the soft rug Jesper had placed by the hearth. Jesper was rambling about one of his classes while Wylan doodled, chewing his thumb absently.

He hadn’t really fallen into that odd, floaty headspace yet, but he was getting there. Everything was less important, the council, the investments, none of that mattered. It was safe and warm here in this room, and that was all that Wylan cared about.

It was then, that the window swung open.

Before Wylan could even react, Jesper had drawn a gun on the intruder, his spare hand covering Wylan’s eyes in case he had to shoot. It was endearing, but the sudden noise had pretty much snapped Wylan out of his more fragile state, and he needed to know what was going on in case this was more than Jesper could handle.

He pushed Jesper’s hand down, to find Kaz Brekker standing in the window.

“Oh. Hi, Kaz.”

“You know we do have a rather nice front door, and a beautiful sitting room in which we usually take unannounced visitors.” Jesper said dryly.

“Wylan invited me.”

“Invited you to break in through the window?”

“Yes, actually.”

Jesper turned to Wylan.

“I wanted to be sure it was safe.”

“And is it?” Jesper looked back to Kaz.

“Only me or a very determined fabrikator could get in here.”

That was precisely what Wylan expected from the system he and Jesper had designed. “Good. We’ll just have to keep an eye on anyone in that category.”

“I’ll put Roeder on it. Now can you come and disarm this tripwire so I can move?”

“Tripwire…? Wylan, darling, did you put a bomb in here without telling me about it?”

Wylan shrugged. “You never come and go through the window. And Kaz clearly pays enough attention.”

“And if I hadn’t?”

“It’s just a small one, you would have lived.”

Wylan crossed the room to open the hidden panel in the wall and disconnect the wiring, tuning out Jesper and Kaz’s protests.

“You can come in now.”

Kaz gingerly stepped through the window. “So…what exactly are you keeping locked up in here?”

Wylan shrugged, suddenly feeling self conscious. “Uh…just what you see.”

Kaz narrowed his eyes. “I would know if you guys got a kid somewhere, neither of you could keep something that big from me.”

“Yeah, not exactly.” Wylan fidgeted with the cuff of his sweater, not meeting Kaz’s eyes.

“Not exactly?”

Wylan was aware of two sets of eyes on him, and he wanted nothing more than to curl up under the bed and cry. He didn’t know if he could even fit under the bed in here, but it was tempting.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jesper said after a long moment.

“I think I should be worried about it.”

“Kaz.”

“If there’s anything that compromises your work, I need to know.”

“We have it handled.”

Jesper’s voice was sharp, and Wylan hunched in on himself, resisting the urge to cover his ears.

“Yeah, you have such a good track record for handling things.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“Jes,” Wylan mumbled. His head was going fuzzy again, and the argument was pushing him towards tears.

“Sorry, love.” Jesper placed on a hand on Wylan’s shoulder. “We’re kind of busy here, Kaz, if you don’t mind.”

“Busy doing what? Indulging in whatever childish fantasy this is? Do you know what any one of our enemies would do if they found him like this?”

“Of course I know!” Jesper shouted, and Wylan flinched away on instinct.

“Then why on earth are you encouraging,” Kaz gestured around the room, “this?”

“Kaz,” Wylan mumbled.

“What?” Kaz’s voice was softer, but not by much.

Wylan struggled to arrange the words in his head, to get out everything he wanted to say. “Don’t go after him for trying to help me. And this…it—it became clear that it was going to be a thing whether or not I wanted it to, at least this way I have control over it. It’s better to do it here, with Jesper, then to have it happen when I’m not expecting.”

Kaz looked at him in a way that was almost…kind. “I need to know if it’s going to cause problems, so I can account for it.”

“It won’t,” Wylan promised.

Kaz hesitated for a long moment. “Does it…does it really help you?”

Wylan nodded, as Jesper scoffed. “What, are you gonna try it? After you called it, what, a—”

Wylan cut Jesper off before he could start another fight. “If you’d like to, the room’s here. With or without us.”

Kaz didn’t acknowledge the offer, just swept past them out of the room.

“Well, that went wonderfully,” Jesper said dryly.

“Could’ve been worse.” Now that Kaz was gone, Wylan felt fragile again, back on the edge of that soft floaty feeling. He sat heavily, grabbing for one of the stuffed toys Jesper had bought without even thinking about it.

Jesper crouched beside him. “You okay, baby?”

“Just—a lot.”

Jesper nodded, like that was a complete sentence that actually meant something. “Yeah. You’re okay now, just relax.”

Chapter Text

“Where should I sit?”

Wylan shrugged. “Wherever you want, I like the floor, but if that would hurt then anywhere is fine.”

“I can handle it.”

“I know you can, but it’ll be easier if you’re comfortable.”

“I thought it happened because you had issues.”

“It’s easier to do on purpose if you’re comfortable.” Wylan amended.

“I still don’t get why you do it on purpose.”

“Hopefully you will, after this.”

Kaz really didn’t agree, but he sat on the sofa anyway, picking up one of the stuffed animals and examining it.

It was a rabbit, with sandy brown fur and painted black eyes. It was soft enough, he supposed, in the way that velvet or a real rabbit was, but not in the way he preferred. Not the smoothness of leather or satin ribbons.

“Kaz?”

Kaz tore his eyes away from the toy, finding Jesper watching him. He shoved the rabbit to the floor.

"Hey." Wylan said softly, pouting.

"What?"

"Be nice to bunny."

"It's not real."

"Kaz." Jesper repeated, but this time it was an admonition, a warning.

Jesper settled on the floor beside Wylan, pressing a kiss to his forehead, and Kaz felt absolutely nothing resembling jealousy or longing.

He leveled his gaze at Jesper, mimicking his tone. "Jesper."

He got a long stare back, and a heavy sigh, but Jesper let it go.

"What do you two wanna do?"

Drown you in the canal so I never have to do this again, Kaz thought, as Wylan tapped Jesper’s leg.

Wylan seemed to take a moment to put together his words, but Jesper waited, more patient than Kaz had ever seen him.

"Can you read a story?"

"Kaz, how does that sound?"

"I don't care."

He got another look for that.

"Wy, can you go pick out a book?"

Wylan nodded, getting up and crossing to the bookshelf across the room.

There was a section, the one not taken up by Wylan's sheet music or Jesper's ridiculous novels, where all the books were bound in soft colored paper, embossed with illustrations of fairytale scenes.

Wylan picked one—Kaz didn't recognize the picture as any story he knew—and brought it back over to the carpet.

Kaz still thought this whole thing was stupid, but listening to Jesper read was alright. At least he wasn’t expected to say anything, or act in a certain way.

The story was one he hadn’t heard before. He thought it might be Kaelish, it seemed like that sort of fairytale. The kind meant to scare kids off of wandering too far and taking a tumble off a cliff’s edge.

He wasn’t paying very close attention, but Wylan was enthralled, hanging on Jesper’s every word.

Kaz found that more interesting that the story, the way that Wylan looked at Jesper like he was everything.

It was absolutely sickening.

Even so, he started to understand it. Between the soothing rumble of Jesper’s voice and the soft pattering of rain against the window, he let his guard down. He let his head rest on one of the throw pillows, shutting his eyes and just listening.

Kaz didn’t even realize the story was over until Wylan spoke.

“Did’ya like the story, Kazzie?”

His eyes snapped open. Kazzie?

Jesper gave him that play nice look again. It made part of him want to be contrary out of spite.

But another part of him, the part that wanted to please Jesper, the same part that always ached for love and comfort, was louder now.

He nodded slowly.

Jesper smiled. “I’m glad. What do you wanna do now?”

When he just shrugged, Jesper prompted him again.

“Kazzie?”

That was enough for Kaz to snap.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Do you not like that nickname?”

Kaz shook his head.

“But it’s okay when Wylan uses it?”

“He’s littler.”

“Not so little that he won’t understand if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay because he’s littler than me. It means something different.”

Kaz still wasn’t sure if Jesper understood, but he let it go.

Unfortunately, his own mind wasn’t as merciful. It was in his head now, the tone that Jesper said his childhood nickname in all too familiar, bringing memories flooding back before he could brace himself against them.

“Kaz?” Jesper spoke cautiously, like Kaz was a spooked horse he was trying to soothe.

It wasn’t an entirely inaccurate description, if Kaz was honest with himself.

He forced as much venom in his voice as he could manage. “Don’t.”

Kaz screwed his eyes shut—forcing hot tears to spill down his cheeks—but it only made the memories more vivid.

He was vaguely aware of Wylan and Jesper speaking, but he couldn’t focus on the words. He felt like he was back under the harbor waters, sounds muffled between the waves and the pounding of his own heart.

Something was pushed into his hands. His body stiffened, ready for a fight, and he opened his eyes to find the stuffed rabbit from earlier in his lap. He stared at it for a long moment, thoroughly baffled as to why he’d been given it.

He pushed it to the ground, because it’s stupid, it’s a child’s toy, and he just needed to get over himself.

Wylan murmured something, then handed the rabbit back to him.

Kaz looked up, to find Wylan watching him. Wylan met his eyes, and squeezed the stuffed dog he was holding purposefully, like he wanted Kaz to do the same.

He felt a little ridiculous, but he did it to make Wylan happy.

Kaz hugged the stuffed rabbit to his chest, and something loosened. He could breathe a little easier.

Maybe this wasn’t so bad.