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Jamie,
Have you really forgiven me?
It’s far more than I deserve and I know I should take you at your word. But Jamie. How can you possibly have that much faith in me? I can’t forget what I did. I hope I never do. I swear that I will never forget how carelessly I broke your trust and how easily you have given it back to me. You really shouldn’t have. But I will try my best to be worthy of it. I promise you that, Jamie.
Oh, when you told me not to touch you… It felt like I had been plunged into arctic waters. All of the warmth disappeared. I hadn’t realised just how much of it came from you until that moment. It was as though the sun had gone out. Can I touch you again? I feel starved. It’s strange how sometimes you don’t really notice something until it’s gone. I miss the weight of your hand in mine. How you would wrap yourself around me, sometimes. Almost protectively, like you could shield me with your touch alone. The closeness. Your skin, your mind. Oh, your mind. I can feel it, you know? When I touch you, I can feel your mind. Not much, don’t worry - I can’t read it or even sense your thoughts. I wouldn’t, even if I could – unless you asked me to. (Please ask me to.) But it’s there, brushing against mine. And it’s beautiful. I haven’t seen it, but I know it is. It couldn’t be anything else. Oh, Jamie. Beautiful, wonderful, magnificent, kindhearted, gracious, warm Jamie.
'You and me.' A pair. A unit. Is that how you think – thought? - of us? I do, too. It’s been that way for a while, I think. Ben and Polly. You and me. Or it was, until I went along and ruined it. ‘We’re finished’ you said. I think those words will haunt me until the day I die. And probably long after, too. When had ‘we’ begun?
I had been nearly giddy all day, you know? You probably didn’t even realise, a slip of the tongue perhaps. You called the TARDIS ours. Our TARDIS. Of course, I’ve always wanted you to feel comfortable and welcome here. As I have for everyone who has travelled with me. But for you to think of it as your home. A place that we share. Together... Well, that means more to me than I could possibly put into words.
We have become so intertwined, Jamie, and I’m not sure I would even know where to start untangling You from Me. Not that I want to. Did you know, sometimes when two plants grow close enough together, their roots become entwined. They create a kind of symbiosis, they help each other to collect more nutrients from the soil. They become dependent on one another. If you attempt to separate them, they will die. They can no longer survive on their own.
I don’t think I’d be very good on my own anymore, Jamie.
Faithfully,
The Doctor.