Chapter Text
Till wasn't sure what to feel. Everything around him was happening so fast that his brain could barely even connect the dots that the real Mizi was holding his hand as they ran, avoiding the shots. Mizi is here, this thought should be echoing around his head like a loud bell but instead, there is a loud white noise and the image of what he saw in front of him a few minutes ago.
Ivan sacrificed himself for him.
Till doesn't even know Ivan well, he never bothered to get to know him better. Even back then Ivan was already ready to save him and free him from all the abuse. Till always had Mizi's best interests first.
Is he a hypocrite?
“Ugh, where are you idiots, we are literally on the spot!” Hyuna shouts to someone as she carries the unconscious Ivan's body on her back. Till is experiencing mixed emotions regarding the current situation. Ivan is dead right? He must be. He saw with his own eyes how the light escaped from the black-haired man's eyes as he loudly fell to the ground. However, Ivan's loud breathing says something completely different as he is barely conscious and tries to understand what is happening around him. Till feels something cold stuck in his throat, making him unable to even speak. It should have been more obvious to him, considering how long they had known each other.
Ivan sacrificed himself for him because he loves him.
He almost didn't notice how Mizi helped him sit on the bench while the ship was running away from the guards at a very fast speed. His fingers are numb and even Mizi's warm fingers failed to warm his cold hands.
"Everything will be alright," she softly reassures him, patting his back. It is only then that Till notices her short hair.
She changed
Ivan is placed on a stretcher as Hyuna opens his shirt and looks for the wound. Her entire back is stained with dark red blood, but it's nothing compared to the state of Ivan's clothes, which went from white to light red. Till can't look away as Hyuna takes the bandages, trying to stop the bleeding. He feels his heart beating louder and louder in his chest as Hyuna removes more and more of Ivan's clothes to have better access to the wound.
Till wants to get up and scream at him about how stupid he is.
He should have lost, not him. Till came to terms with his death on stage and Ivan ruined everything and worst of all he gave him hope to continue living. Yes, he is alive. He realizes as his fingers touch his bare neck. His breathing is uneven and sweat from exhaustion and most likely stress forms on his warm skin.
But can he say the same about Ivan?
They were brought to some wasteland where Ivan was quickly taken away by other people, most likely with more medical knowledge than Hyuna, who managed to stop Ivan's bleeding, at least for a moment. He should be jumping for joy. Finally, for the first time, he is free from it all, and best of all he is with Mizi again. So why doesn't he feel happy?
Mizi tries to talk to him and even takes him to the place where he will sleep, but Till isn't able to utter a single word. He has all of Mizi's attention to himself and yet he feels nothing. His mouth still stung from the kiss. A bitterly salty taste that Till doesn't think he'll ever taste and he doesn't know if I want to taste it again.
He finally manages to lie down as Mizi leaves the room, but before leaving she gives him a sympathetic look as if she knows what he is going through. Mizi doesn't know what he feels. He thinks bitterly as he tries to hide his head in the pillow. Ivan was never important to Till, even if everything Ivan did was for his good. Till has always blindly followed Mizi whom he loves with all his heart.
However, when his heart feels empty and beats only thanks to Ivan, does he still love Mizi?
The next day passed quickly, but Till barely slept. Others noticed his exhaustion but didn't comment. He's sitting in the cafeteria but doesn't feel like eating despite not having eaten for at least two days. All the appetite he had disappeared a long long time ago, but seeing other people's judgmental eyes, Till feels pressured over it all.
But before he can hit the table with his fist, Hyuna taps him on the shoulder.
"Ivan's condition is stable, you can visit him"
The hospital wing is different from any medical place Till has ever seen. Instead of bright white sanitary walls, there are brown-yellow metallic walls which, despite signs of systematic washing, remain on them thin layer of dirt. The smell is different too, but Till doesn't have much time to look around as he is led to the room where Ivan is.
“Doctor says he needs a lot of rest. I'm giving you a few minutes, don't waste them” Hyuna walks away and Till's hand clenches into a fist. Why does everyone think he wants to see him?
As his fingers reach for the door handle, his other hand automatically pushes the door open. The room is dimly lit and appears to be sparse, with only one chair positioned by the window. In the center of the room, a hospital bed dominates the space, and Ivan lies motionless, hooked up to several machines that beep and whirr softly. One of the machines constantly checks his heart rate, emitting an annoying beeping sound that echoes throughout the room, a steady reminder of his fragile state.
Till closes the door behind him and sits on a chair. Ivan's chest slowly rises and falls as the oxygen mask helps him breathe. He has a fever, Till notices, but all he can do is stare at him.
Why is he here? He shouldn't be here. His thoughts are loud but his body refuses to let him get up from the chair.
Ivan loves him, that's a fact that everyone who watched yesterday's reality audition program knows about it . However, Till still cannot accept it.
Ivan had always loved him, ever since they met as children. Till could see how Ivan stuck to him like glue that couldn't peel off. However, he never got around to accepting it. His heart belonged to Mizi.
Mizi doesn't love him like he loves her. For some reason, his heart doesn't feel the constricting pain when he thinks about it. He will never be to Mizi what Sua was to her. His chances of reciprocated love for her never existed. However, Ivan remained by his side…
He stayed with him when he had a chance to run away from it all. He stayed with him even when he lay on the ground covered in bruises.
He sacrificed himself for him even though Till never reciprocated his feelings.
His hand touches his dirty from blood and sweat black hair. Someone should take care of it when Ivan feels better, he thinks as his other hand touches Ivan's hand.
Isn't it ironic that only seconds before Ivan's near death. Till notice how beautiful he looks? His gentle smile, his black eyes in which he can see the entire galaxy. Why did he start to appreciate him for everything he had done for him only when he almost lost him?
He feels Ivan's fingers move slightly as his eyes slowly begin to open. With his hand, Till gently pushes the black strands of hair out of his eyes. He looks tired and sick and probably confused. He feels Ivan try to say something but Till silences him.
"Idiot, what were you thinking?" He says quietly as he lays his head on Ivan's chest. He doesn't even notice the single tears escaping from his teal eyes. Ivan tries to raise his hand but he is too weak to do anything so all he does is stare when Till finally lets out the loud sob he has been holding for a very long time.
He feels his heart burn as Ivan's half-conscious eyes stare at him. Till wants to hate it, but he can't. Finally, Till gets up from his chair and leans toward Ivan. He should hit him. Everything in his head tells him to. But instead, he leans down and kisses his warm forehead as Ivan passes out again.
Throughout his life, his heart has learned to only love Mizi. But maybe, just maybe, his heart will also learn how to love Ivan more.
And who knows, maybe his heart will also find a place to finally love himself too.