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Kimi didn’t know what had come over him. One minute, he was sitting in his hotel room, his father asleep in the room next door, watching Lisa Winters give a recap of the weekend before the Grand Prix started. They had been going over FP3 when Kimi just grabbed his jacket and paddock pass and walked out of his suite.
It was surprisingly easy for him to get into the F1 Paddock, Mercedes giving him a pass so he could come visit the garage (and meet with Toto) during the race weekends. Even if the security gave him a weird look due to the fact that the race was already starting, he was able to get into the paddock without trouble.
And now, he was sitting on the floor of the Ferrari driver’s room wondering what he was doing there.
The press had been hounding him all day, yesterday too, following him around every time he left the garage. One followed him to the hotel after the feature race today. He tried his best to handle it, relying on the media training Mercedes and Prema had given him. The Prema team pulling him into a special conference Friday afternoon to talk things through with him, apparently wanting to break the news in person rather than him hearing it online.
(But of course, he’d already received a frantic phone call from Him. Wishing him luck, repeating over and over again “mi dispiace, mi dispiace angelo” before he heard someone call his name and the call was over)
When the news broke, the press had converged on him in a second. screaming questions in his face, speculating about him and Mercedes, what this meant for his future. Whether he was jealous. Absurd questions that made his throat tighten and his heart go into panic mode. Questions that had him hiding out in the driver’s room the rest of the day.
And then, before the feature, when Ollie had pulled him into the hallway, and wished him luck. Like it was Kimi who was debuting in formula 1. He held him close. whispered how special he was and pressed a soft kiss to his hand before running back down the hall to meet his “babysitter” and go back to the paddock. Leaving Kimi alone. A different sort of panicky feeling going through him. One that left his cheeks red and his heart fluttering.
He was alone now too. He held his knees to his chest as he looked up at the small tv screen showing the race in the corner. His heart was pounding at every move Ollie made, his hand was clutched to his mouth so he didn’t alert anyone to his presence. Ollie had just gotten past Hulkenberg and he could hear the cheers from the garage. Kimi smiles softly, it was impressive yes, but as each lap passed he could see Ollie tiring, the way his neck slide around, the grip around the steering wheel becoming tighter and tighter. Kimi had switched to his onboard at one point, Ollie’s voice was tense, strained, Lewis Hamilton was right behind him and gaining. Kimi knew Ollie, knew how capable and talented he was. He also knew he can be quite reckless, doing anything to keep his position, so he couldn’t help but let a sob escape watching Ollie pass the checkered flag, a sense of relief washing over him.
He was thrilled, he was so proud of Ollie. There was no jealousy, none that the journalists would claim there would be. No but there was fear, because one day, he’d be there along side Ollie. And they would have to stop. They would have to end the sleepovers in eachother’s rooms, the loosely held hands and the soft kisses to the cheek. Ollie would be a world champion one day, and Kimi would be too. World Champion’s weren’t gay. World Champions didn’t rely on a boy to kiss the bruises on his body or picture that same boy kissing his lips instead. World Champions didn’t hold each other close while they cried. World Champions didn’t sneak into the Ferrari drivers room because he wanted to be selfish. Wanted to see him. Wanted him to grab him by the waist and kiss him like he’d been dreaming of for weeks.
Andrea Kimi Antonelli would be a World Champion, and being here would not help that. But just as he was gathering sense and wiping his tears, he heard footsteps approaching his hideaway, saw the knob twist and before he could do anything to stop it the future of Ferrari, the debutant, the perfect, Oliver James Bearman walked in.
He feels caught, like a deer who’s caught sight of the gun pointed at him. Like Ollie’s come to the same realization he has and doesn’t want him anymore. Instead, Ollie’s split second of shock turns into a toothless smile, nothing like the wide grin and dimples that appear when he’s really happy, he whispered a breathless “hi” to him, barely able to lift his hand up in a wave.
It’s amazing how that one irregularity pulled Kimi out of his spiral. How quickly he pushes the idea of the impending end of whatever this was out of his heart to make room for whatever is troubling Ollie. He’s across the room in an instant, he grabs Ollie’s head and brings it into the crook of his neck, squeezes him tightly. He’s standing on his toes, trying to hold Ollie the best he can manage, whispering congratulatory words into his hair. He feels Ollie leaning into him, pressing more and more weight onto Kimi’s body. He stumbles slightly and Ollie moves to catch him, hands going instantly to his waist and neck, as if he was dipping him at a slow dance, like he’d lean down to kiss him.
“Ollie, cosa c'è che non va?” he asks, moving to stand back up, Ollies hands not moving from their place as Kimi’s reach up to Ollie’s jawline, wiping away the sweat and placing his hands on his face.
Ollie, like he normally does, leans into the touch, his eyes close as he sighs, letting more and more adrenaline fade from his body “Avrei potuto fare di meglio”
And wasn’t that just the most earth shattering sentence in the world? That the kindest softest most deserving of praise thought so little of himself? “no no bambino sei stata incredibile, si?”
Ollie gave him a weak smile and nodded “Grazie, angelo mio. Riesci sempre a calmare la mia mente amato, grazie”
Ollie closes his eyes and rests his forehead on Kimi’s breathing in each other for a while, hands wrapped around each other’s bodies, getting as close as they could possibly dare without crossing that invisible line they’ve drawn, without risking being caught.
He notices Ollie open his eyes, and they’re so close he can make out every individual freckle on his face, he sees Ollie’s eyes flicker to his lips several times and oh how Kimi wants . But Ollie is swaying slightly and Kimi can feel his back muscles tensing, his neck tightening. See the pain lingering in his eyes, how the sweat is glistening across his face and body. The bottle Ollie had set down upon entering was empty, but Ollie’s lips were still dry and chapped. So he lifts his head up, Ollie—almost indecipherably—leaning in forward. But Kimi instead stands back on his tip toes and places a gentle kiss to Ollie’s forehead, before leading him to the small couch in the driver’s room. The older man whined slightly when Kimi released him, Kimi’s hands feeling empty at the lack of contact.
He crouches down so he’s at Ollie’s level, and runs his hand through his hair, moving it from where it had clung to his forehead. “lascia che mi prenda cura di te?”
At Ollie’s nod he pulled away. Grabbing a new bottle of water on the desk and gently placing it in Ollie’s lap, he unties the boots on Ollie’s feet, sliding them off and tossing them across the room, which allows Ollie to tuck his legs under himself on the chair, leaning against the arm looking dangerously close to sleep. He sees a ferrari academy t-shirt on the massage table and looks to Ollie’s sweaty white fireproof. He considered just throwing it at him while he looks for some food, but the older teen’s eyes are already closed, straw almost falling out of his mouth from where it hung slightly open.
Before he could reconsider, his hands found the hem of the shirt, slightly repositioning the half asleep driver to lift the shirt over his torso. Ollie whined at the movement but Kimi was already in too deep to second guess himself now, “Forza, piccola mia, ti sentirai meglio quando ti sarai tolta questi vestiti.” he muttered, and proceeded to pretend to not notice the blush on Ollie’s face when he called him his baby.
It was when he had finally pulled the shirt off that he realized he didn’t think this through. Because now he could feel himself staring at the wide expanse of Ollie’s chest, torso and shoulders. He could barely stop himself from placing his hand on Ollie’s bare chest using his self control to reign himself in and practically throw the t shirt at him instead.
Ollie gave him a weird look but pulled the shirt over him, hiding his body from Kimi’s gaze and asked if he could go to sleep now. Kimi rolled his eyes lightheartedly. Instead grabbing a granola bar from the box on the table and moving to sit on the arm rest of the chair. He leaned into Ollie, whose head was placed on Kimi’s lap instantly as he unwrapped the bar. Kimi moved his hand through Ollie’s hair slowly and methodically, breaking a piece of the bar off and placing it in Ollie’s mouth every couple of seconds, watching the boy slowly chew on the small bit of food. The light touch of Ollie’s lips on his fingertips sending chills through Kimi’s spine each time.
Eventually, once Ollie was in a peaceful sleep head on Kimi’s lap. Kimi lightly tickling his arm when he heard the door rattle, he didn’t have time to make this whole situation less…conspicuous before David Bearman strolled in, breaking the carefully curated peace in the room.
He looked bewildered to see Kimi there, even more so to see Ollie practically in Kimi’s lap in different clothes, fast asleep.
“What are you doing here?” he asked. And yeah? what was he doing here? Ruining any chance of keeping this whole Ollie thing platonic that’s for one. Throwing out his dreams of being world champion for another.
He stumbled over his words, “i just, i was trying to-“ attempting to remove himself from under Ollie’s body but the older boy whined slightly, grabbing at Kimi to try and pull him back in, and that was enough to make Kimi sink back into the chair and rest his hand back on Ollie’s chest “I was trying to be helpful”
Mr. Bearman seemed to find that acceptable. “It’s late. Both of you need to be back at the hotel. Does your father know you came here?”
His silence seemed answer enough, causing Mr. Bearman to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh. Leaning down to rub Ollie’s arm in an attempt to get him moving “Ollie, baby we gotta go kiddo” and when he lifted his head, half his face was red from where it was rested on Kimi’s legs eyes half opened and hair matted to one side. He nodded his head slowly, lifting up more and more from the cramped arm chair. His eyes found Kimi and his mouth turn upwards to a grin “Are you coming too?”
Mr. Bearman laughed at that “Yes kiddo, Kimi’s coming with us he’s gotta get some sleep too” to which Ollie hummed at, leaning forward back onto Kimi’s chest. Before his dad reached out and grabbed his son by his shoulders pulling him off Kimi and the couch completely pressing his boy into his side and placing a kiss on his messy hair. Kimi followed them out. Trying not to be too upset over the loss of contact after nearly an hour of constant touch.
In the car Ollie sat in between his dad and Kimi. And even though the familiar comfort of his family was right there, he intertwined their hands together and rested his head back on Kimi’s shoulder, lulled to sleep by the sound of the engine.
This time, Kimi didn’t let Mr. Bearman take Ollie “off his hands” (as he had said after Kimi offered to help carry Ollie to the car) looping his arm right around the boy’s torso and moving him out of the car and through the hotel lobby, Ollie’s dad leading them through while Ollie mumbled incoherently about being tired, about the race, about missing Kimi.
Once they were on Prema’s floor, he felt the grip Ollie had around his waist tighten almost indiscernibly, clutching his Mercedes shirt tightly in his hand. When they arrived at the Bearman’s suite, Ollie had buried his head into the crook of his neck refusing to move once his dad had gotten the door opened.
“Can’t you just stay here tonight?” he asked him. Kimi’s eyes immediately locating the fond look on Mr. Bearman’s face before gesturing to come in, though insisting that he’d have to text his dad.
While Ollie was showering, Kimi went down the hall to shower as well, leaving a note for his dad and praying that this wouldn’t be awkward, though he feared they were way past that.
When he got back to the Bearman’s suite, Ollie’s dad was already snoring from the main bedroom, and he could just hear the water of the sink turning off when he slipped into the second bedroom. There were two beds in there, but when he had just set his phone down on the other bed and discarded the tank top he had put on pulling the covers out to climb into bed. Ollie leaned his head into the doorframe, water droplets still falling from his hair and asked if they could “maybe, sort of, share?”
He was beginning to suspect that shirtless Ollie would be a weakness he’d have to overcome, because just as he was stumbling over some semblance of a response Olle stepped fully into the room once again showing off chest and abs bad arms , causing Kimi to stare once again and nod yes, lacking control over his actions.
Ollie smiled when they climbed under the duvet, leaning his head on Kimi’s chest. Maybe he was just going crazy but he could swear he almost felt Ollie softly kiss his chest while Kimi was running his hands through Ollie’s hair.
They fell asleep like that, Ollie sideways lying on Kimi’s chest. Kimi with his arms wrapped around Ollie’s back. The excitement of the weekend fading away to the peace of the nighttime