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Infected, Pest, and Poob were all sitting in Infected's apartment, eating chips and smoking weed on his couch.
"ughhh..." Poob groaned, putting one of their hands on their head, "yesterday was terrible!! teh players were EXTRA annoying......"
Pest shifted in his seat, his red eyes looking towards the window, "I know... I feel like a cam girl that incels gawk at because they don't get pussy."
"Ugh, 1k r1gt!!1!! Th3y k33p 0n 0b3551ng 0vr u5......" Infected sniffled, wiping pink and black snot away from his nose. He swung the blunt around in circles softly with his hand. "L1k3, 1m h0n0r3d d4t m4h f4n5 luv m3h, but d4t w45 w44444y 2 much......."
"Infected, literally no one gives a shit about your streams."
"kys"
"You back."
"i feel lik a punching bag! ppl r so mean to meh..." Poob crossed their arms, pouting. Sighing, they grabbed their party hat and took it off, digging through it, "i need a xan..." They feel around and look inside, confused. They look back up and recoil when Pest has the xanax they were looking for on his sharp tongue, "wtf??!!! dat was my last one, you cuck!!!! howd u even take that??"
"Quick hands," Pest swallowed it and leaned back against the back of the couch, resting his arms onto it, "How many drugs you got in there?"
"none of ur business, since i know ur gonna steal em......."
Infected exhaled a puff of smoke into the air, "UGH, r3m3mb3r wh3n th3y k33p 54y1ng 5tup1d ####??"
"omg yeah!! they either sound like a scientist or the gay comic relief character...."
"This is true."
"this IS true!!"
"Qu1t3 th3 4ccur4t3 0b53rv4ti0n, my fr13nd!!"
"Stop screaming we're having sex-"
Suddenly, the door opened and Lampert walked in. This startled Infected, who almost dropped his blunt, but Poob excitedly waved to him. Lampert looked into the messy apartment and cringed, making sure not to touch anything other than the floor. He held an already open box of nuggets from the Red Ball Diner in his hands, as if he was just eating it, "hey."
"0MG U G0T R3D B4LL NUGG3T5????"
"yeah?"
"G1V3 M3 SUM RN!!!!!"
"is that how you ask?"
"Yeah, Infected, is that how you ask for food from Lampert?"
"Plz g1v3 m3h ur nugg3t5!!!"
Lampert obligated, dropping nuggets into Infected's mouth while also keeping a safe distance. He cringed at how sloppy everything was and looked towards Poob, "so, i heard you guys had a bad experience with the players."
Poob crossed their arms and looked down, "yeah..... they kept punching me....."
"i could tell, they kept rambling about you three after you all left."
"What were they saying?"
"something about you being hot, Infected being a 'babysick,' and Poob being annoying."
"なんてこった-"
"ch4t w3'r3 g0nn4 g3t MURD3R3D!! w3'r3 g0nn4 g3t murd3r3d by p30pl3 wh0 c4nt t13 th31r FUCK1NG SH03LAC3S!!!!!!!!"
"Well, at least we won't be tortured that bad, won't be able to tie a rope either."
"don't worry, i tore them all up and threw them into the dumpster. Told those hoes to watch it."
"ur the best, lampy!!!"
"thanks." Lampert turned around and started to walk out carefully, "im going to go back to ROKEA, see you guys later." He walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him and making a soft thud.
"...w4t5 g4y3r, d4t1ng 4 b0y 0r w4nt1ng 4 b0y t0 #### ### #### ## #### ####"
"kaspy wot...."
"n0th1ng."
Poob looked at Infected curiously before clearing their throat, "so lik, what r we gonna do for teh party coming up?"
"The one you two are being forced to decorate?"
"well i wouldnt say forced but yeah"
"1 th1nk w3 sh0uld put mudk1pz n c4t5 3v3rywh3r3!!!"
"i dont think we should, dis is a birthd-"
A loud boom was heard from down the hall. Poob jumped and yelped a little alongside Infected, but Pest didn't react at all, resting one of his legs onto the other, "I think an AC unit exploded."
Poob shuddered and took a breath, regaining their composure, "phew, dat scared meh!! anyways, dis is a birthday party for... fuck what was his name again?"
"W4llt3r 1 th1nk!!" Infected responded cheerfully, taking another smoke from his blunt.
Poob nodded, smiling, "yeah, him!! he likes concrete, so i tink we sh-"
More loud booms.
"何てことだ, how many AC units are in this apartment, Infected?"
"uhhh, 1 dunn0-"
Then, there were screams.
Poob's eyes widened and they immediately jumped up, racing towards the window, "UNPLEASANT SNAPPED, WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!!" Their body was shaking frantically while they fiddled with the window to get it to open.
"I flirted with them yesterday for a bet, so I could probably convince them not to kill you two. Just chill out."
"DATS EASY FOR U TO SAY U TOOK MY LAST XANAX!!!!!!!" Poob screamed, climbing outside the now open window and flipping Pest off. He sighed, grabbing the zoned out Infected and following them. Sure, he didn't like being around the two, but he was not going to be responsible for either of them dying.
Just another day on the Elevator of '09.