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Everything about the building was bleak. Concrete floors, and block walls, all painted a dull shade of grey. A table was set up in front of Erik, also grey but at least it was a different shade, making it stand out a little.
Across from him was a man in a blue uniform asking question after question. If Erik could bring himself to care, he would answer some of them and try to find his way out of this situation he was in but, honestly, he didn’t care. There was nothing he cared about anymore.
In his life, there had been two positives, two bright, shining, lights that had both been put out in a matter of minutes and now he was alone. There was nothing left for him in this life. Outside of these walls, he had no point in living but someone had to pay for the lives of his wife and daughter being taken so soon.
There was no one else. He needed to pay for what he had done. Their blood stained his hands and he knew this was right where he belonged.
It was ironic, really, just how much metal was in the room. The officers didn’t seem to understand that he had already given himself up to them. There were cuffs around his wrists and ankles, ones made of metal he could escape from. A gun on the officer's hip he could control if he wanted to leave. The lock on the door wasn’t going to stop him.
The fact that he was still sitting obediently in his chair, staring at the mostly metal table was a testament to his guilt and the part he played.
He didn’t know how long had passed. At some point, the officer stopped asking questions, seeming to realize he wasn’t going to get any answer. Erik hadn’t even looked up from the table the entire time but he knew the man—he gave his name, he had to have—had leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, staring at him.
The only thing that pulled Erik from his thoughts was the sound of the door opening, more metal in the room, and a quiet conversation, the man across from Erik left and someone new took his place.
Out of habit more than anything else, Erik looked up from the table and met blue eyes. A man in a suit, looking impossibly young, sat in a wheelchair—the additional metal—was sitting across from him now. A briefcase on the table.
“Hello,” The man said with a smile, “I’m Charles Xavier. A public defender, the officers thought you might want to meet with me? They seem to think you’ve gotten yourself into a spot of trouble but I don’t think it’s anything we can’t clear up. So, why don’t you tell me what happened and we can work through it?”
Erik just stared at the man blankly. He couldn’t find out why he was sent a lawyer when he didn’t ask. He certainly wasn’t looking for one, even if it was in his best interest or whatever bull shit the cops were saying these days. He wasn’t going to speak, he wasn’t going to try to defend himself at all and he certainly didn’t need a lawyer to help him spend the rest of his life in jail.
“Mr. Lehnsherr, Erik—may I call you Erik? I have read over this file, and what the police think they have on you. We both know what happened that day. Why don’t you tell me about it? Because something in this isn’t adding up. I don’t believe what I’ve been told. Anything you tell me right now, they won’t get to use, this conversation is private, you’re safe.”
“If you know, why should I tell you?” Erik found himself saying and was shocked at how much it hurt to talk. He couldn’t remember the last time he spoke.
Come to think of it, he wasn’t entirely sure how long he had been held in this room for what he was told was an interrogation.
“Let’s put it this way, they’re pushing the law by still having you here. And that’s putting it nicely,” Xavier said, answering a question Erik didn’t ask. He narrowed his eyes but Xavier just smiled a little, “I suppose that’s the answer to your question about how I know and why you should tell me. I need an official statement, even if I can read your mind. I think you have the missing part of this case, Erik, and I think you should let me help you. You didn’t kill your family. So, who did?”
Erik shook his head a little, even if he wanted to speak, it felt like his throat was closing in and he couldn’t find the words or the ability to force them out. From somewhere, Xavier produced a bottle of water and slid it across the table. “Take your time, we have as long as you need.”
Erik nodded but ended up just playing with the bottle he was passed, rolling it between his hands, and then ripping at the label. Eventually, he opened his mouth. “They’re dead.”
“Who’s dead, Erik?” Xavier asked, his voice low, even, soothing in a way the officers hadn’t been. They wanted a reaction. Xavier wanted answers.
“The people who killed my family. All of them except me,” He replied simply, his eyes firmly on the bottle.
“But surely you know you didn’t kill them,” Xavier said, tilting his head to the side as though he couldn’t understand and Erik wished he could throw the bottle at him. Technically there was nothing to stop him but he found he didn’t really want to hurt anyone. Not someone innocent at least.
“I…am the reason they’re dead. It was meant to be me. I was the one they were after. They killed my family while I was out and I survived, they didn’t. If it hadn’t been for me, my wife and daughter would still be here,” Erik forced the words out, sadness turning to anger as he slammed the plastic bottle down onto the table, breathing heavier than before. “Sorry. I know you think I’m innocent but to me, I killed them. I deserve this. Just…do your job poorly and let me stay where I belong.”
Xavier leaned in slightly and Erik was just shocked he wasn’t afraid of him. There was something in those blue eyes, confusion, curiosity, and maybe amusement. “But you’ve done nothing wrong. Not by the law. And, quite frankly, I’ve never been a defender for someone who didn’t want their freedom.”
“I’m going to plead guilty. Just let me go. I have nothing left in this life. There’s nothing out there for me. My family is dead and I can’t find anyone to blame except me,” Erik stated, tired of trying to make the man understand that.
A sigh and then Xavier leaned back, almost mimicking the officer from earlier in his stance. “I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. But I am here to offer legal advice and guidance. I wouldn’t just plead guilty. I firmly believe we can get you off. Or at least a reduced sentence. A plea deal if you must plead guilty.”
“I don’t want a deal or to be free. I know I’m not paying you, I didn’t ask for you. I thought if I just didn’t say anything they would take me and throw me in jail. I don’t even want a trial. The sooner this is over with the better. I am the reason Magda and Anya are dead. Let me pay the price for my sins in peace.”
There were tears in his eyes now. For the first time, he was saying out loud what he knew to be true. His wife was gone. His little girl. He didn’t want to live without them. He couldn’t. They were supposed to be with him for the rest of his life. No father should have to bury their little girl. No parent should ever have to bury their child. The same as no man should have to bury his wife after a murder.
“Erik,” Xavier whispered softly, leaning in once again, “I truly am sorry for your loss and I know it’s hard. But would your wife want this? Would your daughter want her father to go to jail for a crime he didn’t commit? Think about them, think about what they would want.”
“They would have wanted to live,” Erik replied, looking up and noticing the tears in Xavier’s eyes. Sometimes telepaths really annoyed him with that, feeling the pain of others shit. “You don’t know this pain. No one can know it. It’s…there’s nothing else there. It’s all just pain. Every second hurts knowing that I get another breath and they do not.”
Xavier nodded slowly, “I…know I shouldn’t say this, but I understand some of your pain. You’re right, I don’t know exactly because no two people feel the same, they never grieve the same, and their lives aren’t the same. But my fiancée was killed six years ago. Along with our two-year-old son. They’re the reason I’m here doing what I’m doing. Someone had to be there to tell their story, to make sure they got justice, the people who took their lives paid for what they did. That person was me.
“What about your wife and daughter? You said the people who killed them were dead? Are you certain? Isn’t that the justice they deserve, the revenge you want?” Xavier asked and Erik looked around the room, his jaw clenching for a moment as he considered carefully. There was a possibility in his mind and Xavier seemed to know where his mind was going, “Don’t say it, Erik. Right now, I need you to not say that.”
“And if it’s true? If I did kill them?” Erik asked, looking at Xavier, his eyes sharp, even if he was certain it had been at least seventy-two hours since he last slept. The anger was returning, fueling him.
“I don’t think you did,” Xavier replied, “I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that.”
Erik laughed harshly, “And you think they would all believe you? You’d base your defense on the fact that you don’t believe me and don’t think I did it? They would laugh you out of the courtroom. And we both know that your powers and the fact that you can see in my mind how things happened couldn’t be used in court.”
Xavier seemed to be growing tired of Erik’s anger and Erik was just thankful for the small victories.
“If you don’t want the people who took your family from you in jail. If you don’t want that justice, the revenge, then fine. I’ll leave right now. But only if you can tell me you don’t want that. If you’re fine sitting in a jail cell paying for the crimes they committed, not you.”
Erik looked down at the table, underneath it, on his lap, his hands clenched into fists, then relaxed. Then repeat. If he was being honest, he did want revenge and he wasn’t sure everyone was dead that killed his family. He got some of them, trapped in the smoldering remains of his family’s house, but he couldn’t be certain there weren’t more people in on the plan.
“I don’t trust the police. I don’t trust the court system,” Erik admitted quietly, his eyes still on the table.
“Then don’t trust them, you don’t have to. Just trust me. Tell me what happened, everything you know and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure they end up in jail. You can do what you want with the rest of your life,” Xavier replied with such conviction that Erik couldn’t help but believe him.
“I don’t know what I would do if I wasn't here right now. If I had my life and…they were all I had,” He replied, “What would I do?” Maybe he’s looking too far ahead, maybe he shouldn’t worry about what he’s going to do with his life before he has his life.
“That’s up to you. You’ll probably have some more time to think about it and decide for yourself in the coming weeks. I’d suggest some therapy to start with. I’m a firm believer that it helps, but aside from that, anything you want. But in order for you to get there, I do need to know your story.”
Since it would seem Xavier had no plans of dropping that part of the conversation, Erik took a deep breath and tried to decide the best place to start. It was hard to know what was and wasn’t important, or what was and wasn’t connected. There were so many things he had noticed but he didn’t know if it was relevant, or even the same group. A lot of people seemed to hate him for what he was but only one group of those people seemed to be the ones that went too far.
“We, Magda, and I moved here before Anya was born,” Erik started, “We were looking for a safe place, somewhere far away from our past. Neither of us had family, no one to tie us to one place. We just wanted somewhere to raise our family. News travels surprisingly fast and people find out who I am or what I am, I suppose. A mutant. No one liked that and people made it clear immediately. It started with cruel words, calling me names, and whispers behind my back. I didn’t care about that as long as my wife and then my daughter were safe, they could do anything they wanted to me, say what they wanted, anything.
There was a brief pause as Erik tried to place what happened first on his mental timeline. “There was some trouble at work. I heard a couple of the men I worked with talking about my daughter. They wanted to know if she was going to be a mutie like me, in their words. When they realized I had heard them, one of them openly asked me if she was a freak too. I…reacted with anger but I still stand by what I said and did. They said she deserved…something like this to happen to her if she was a mutant. I’m certain he was with the group that wanted to kill me.”
There, Erik stopped and looked at Xavier who was writing on a book of paper he had pulled from his briefcase. “If they worked with you then wouldn’t they know you were at work on the day of the fire?” He asked, looking up from the paper.
“I wasn’t scheduled to work. Neither was he. I was called in and I don’t remember seeing him that day,” Erik replied, “He knew I had a wife and daughter. He worried about my little girl being a mutant. There were a couple of others but he was essentially the ringleader of the group, if you will.” Erik shook his head and sighed, “Anya was human. So was Magda. I just…I- '' His hands was shaking as he struggled to find the words, “They shouldn’t’ve even been on the radar for those people. It was all because of me.”
“Erik, you don’t strike me as one that thinks mutants deserve to die. You didn’t either. You’re not the one trying to kill mutants. It wasn’t because of you,” Xavier stated.
“Are you my lawyer or my shrink?” Erik asked, sighing, “If I had left them, they would’ve still been alive.”
“So you think it would have been better if your daughter didn’t have a father and your wife didn’t have a husband?” Xavier asked.
“Then they wouldn’t be…they would be here still. I don’t-I didn’t want them to be alone. I wouldn’t want to leave them but that’s better than the alternative.” Erik wouldn’t stand to be told otherwise. He knew he was right. If he knew then what he knew now-
“Hindsight is 20/20. There was no way for you to know. I’m sure if you had this information now there are a lot of things you could’ve done differently. But there was no way for you to know all of this back then. There was no way you could’ve known what was going to happen and if you did you would’ve saved the ones you love. That’s why I’m saying this wasn’t your fault, Erik. You can’t blame yourself for the actions of others no matter how much they don’t make sense. Sometimes terrible things happen and there’s no reason for them. And maybe that makes it even worse, but you can’t blame yourself when there are other people out there to blame.”
“Shaw,” Erik stated, interrupting Xavier’s monologue, “Sebastian Shaw. I believe that’s who did this. The three men I managed to catch were three that were always following him around with their noses up his arse.”
Xavier nodded, “I’m afraid I can’t do much to make sure he ends up in prison for this. But making it clear to the police that you aren’t the one they’re looking for will be a start. I’ll do what I can to make sure they look into this man as well and hope they end up at the correct conclusion.”
“For once in their lives,” Erik muttered under his breath and Xavier looked up with a small smile on his face as though he was trying to hide it but agreed with Erik all the same.
“So, what now?” Erik asked, looking at Charles as he leaned back in his chair a little, realizing for the first time that he had been curling in further and further as their conversation went on until he had his feet on the chair, his chin almost resting on his knees. He slowly lowered his feet to the floor.
“Well I have some information from you and I think it’ll help. I don’t suppose there’s anyone else who can back up what you’ve told me so far?” Xavier asked.
Erik thought for a moment. It wasn’t like they had anyone who lived too close to say the house was burning before he got there. If they did, it was likely he wouldn’t be here right now. “Some of the people I work with maybe? They should know when I got to work and when I left. I was there until I heard about the fire and then I came home. I wasn’t exactly quiet leaving, I don’t imagine. When I heard I don’t remember much until I was standing in the yard looking at…” He stopped before he said anymore, certain his voice would break or a sob would escape. Neither could he afford it at a time like this.
“Alright, thank you,” Xavier said softly, “I’ll see what I can do. We’ll need all the proof we can get, I imagine. I know the police aren’t exactly lenient on our kind. Just try to behave here for a little longer and then we’ll do what we can to get you out. Until then I’ll be working on my side. We can do this, Mr. Lehnsherr, of that I’m certain. We’ll get justice for your wife and daughter.”
Erik nodded and watched as the man left. He had a bad feeling about this, though he had no doubt in Xavier’s abilities and the man seemed to care enough to fight until the end. In the darkest time of Erik’s life, maybe he could be the light.