Work Text:
the rain pours down on the pavement.
janis’s ears are muffled, focusing on the taps on the pavement. her fists are clenched, so tight to the point she might break one of her nails, almost cutting into her palm. her breathing coming in and out at random volumes, any attempts at controlling it useless.
the rain covers her head to toe in water. her hair flattened, her jacket soaked as she can feel the thread of her newly-sewn drawing on the back slowly rip off and loosen. her socks squelching under the water trapped in her sneakers.
“i asked you a question, answer it. what the fuck are you doing here, imi’ike?”
janis looked up at regina, under her doorway, free from the rain. a smug look placed on the blonde as she crossed her arms, staring at her as if she were trash under her shoe.
“ g . —“
“regina. you call me regina. get those childish nicknames out of your mouth. the last time you used that was when i was stupid enough to be your friend. grow the fuck up.”
janis sucked in a breath. rain falling on her face, feeling like tears that burst from her face when she knows she is alone in her room at night. “don’t— don’t hurt cady. don’t hurt her like you hurt me.”
regina laughed abruptly. “like i hurt you? oh my god , what are you? a charity case? a victim? for fucks sake janis. are you forgetting what you did to me ?”
“what i did to you?” janis scoffed, “ you kissed me! you’re acting like it was forced, it was spin the fucking bottle. we were kids, you were just too scared to admit you are gay—“
“i am not , gay. i could never be a lesbian, i could never be like you .” regina uncrossed her arms, pointing at janis, “you were some pathetic kid who wouldn’t stop following me around, you were obsessed with me!”
“no i wasn’t—“
regina took a step forward, nearing the end of her porch. “yes, you were! you were a pathetic lesbian who was too obsessed with fire. just like you were obsessed with me .”
regina took another step forward, letting the rain touch her. “you’re an idiot, janis. this isn’t about cady , you couldn’t give two shits about cady.”
“cady isn’t like me, or you. or anyone here. she’s a smart girl from africa who just wants to make friends, not turn plastic.” janis looked at regina, trying to look for any doubt, anything other than fake confidence.
“janis. this isn’t about cady. we both know it. get over yourself.” regina scoffed, annoyed at janis’s attempt to do whatever this was.
janis started rambling, she was getting nervous, upset. too many emotions and so much of it. “ she’s fragile. she won’t understand makeup and dresses, and your stupid plastic rules. and being mean to people— “
“shut up !” regina shouted, janis freezing in her place, staring up at regina. “what the fuck is wrong with you?”
silence covered the distance between them, tapping of the rain on the ground as white noise.
“you’re pathetic, janis. you’re still obsessed with me after so many years. are you forgetting that right after that shitty spin the bottle game, you took me to the bathroom and confessed your love to me?” regina took another step forward, the gap between closing even more, “you couldn’t have forgotten that, right?”
janis shook her head, staring down at her feet. her actual tears running down her face instead of rain.
regina huffed and turned around, facing the front door before hearing something. “ you’re a bitch. ” janis had whispered under her breath.
regina whipped her head around, “excuse me?”
janis looked up at regina, the blonde’s face being furrowed in anger.
“you’re a bitch. you’re fake, and annoying, and everybody hates you.” janis took a deep breath before exhaling, “i’ve seen you. i know you. you’re a slob, you’re a mess, you’re exhausting to be around.”
janis took a step towards regina, “you’re difficult, and you believe you are higher than everyone else because of the clothes you wear. you are an asshole .”
“…but even after that i still love you. even with all of that, even after everything, despite everything, i love you, regina. i want you to let me love you. i need you to let me love you. please.”
janis took another deep breath, hoping for something, anything.
.
.
.
.
.
regina ran to janis, closing the distance.
…
and slapped her.
“fuck you.” was all she could mutter at janis.
she grabbed janis’s hair and slapped her again, janis falling on her knees.
she looked up at regina, the moon creating a light that shone behind her. usually it would be a pretty sight, one that she would admire regina in. but regina had turned into a monster.
regina kicked janis in the stomach, making janis lean forward. she slapped janis again. she gripped janis by her shirt collar, bending down to look at her.
“do you want to know why i’m hurting cady?” regina scoffed, “because you like her. because i can make fun of you, bully you. i can hit and slap, kick you over and over and you still crawl back. look at you! on your knees, bruised, and i’m going to guess you still like me! to hurt you, i need to hurt everyone around you, to make it your fault they are hurt. maybe then you’d stop.”
regina dropped janis’s shirt collar, swiping her hands clean before patting down her skirt.
“you’re a stupid, pyro, dyke , janis.”
regina turned around, walking inside, leaving janis on the floor in the rain.
janis sniffed, wiping her nose. she stood up, wiping at her knees that got wet in the rain. she looked at regina’s front door, closed and shut, the lights on in the house. she turned around, walking home.
———
janis opened her front door and walked straight into her bedroom. she got changed into pjs and walked into her bathroom.
she looked in the mirror to see two bruises, one on her forehead and one on her cheek. janis grabbed a hand towel with some hot water and gently tapped at her bruises.
she wiped over a bleeding cut that regina had accidentally given her with her nails, hissing at the sting.
“ at this point it was probably on purpose. ” janis had thought. she opened the sink drawer and pulled out her mini first aid kit, taking a bandaid and covering the cut.
she looked forward into the mirror, staring at the image of herself she doesn’t recognize. her hands gripped the edge of the sink.
she’s tired.
she pulls at her face, tapping her cheek, putting on a smile, then a frown. but she just doesn’t recognize herself. her throat slightly closes, why can’t she recognize herself?
she placed her hand on the floor, bending her legs to sit down. her knees up to her chest as tears stream down her face at an alarming rate. she reaches for her phone that was placed on the sink and with her blurry vision messaged damian.
—
jay :
hek p
day :
janis?
are you okay?
jay :
no
come 2 m y hsiue pls
day :
omw rn.
—
damian panicked as he grabbed his phone as practically ran out the house, ignoring his grandma's jazzy. they lived close by, but anything could be an emergency.
he remembered finding janis, cold and unconscious on her bathroom floor. the 911 call, the scream of her parents, the ambulance.
he couldn’t handle that again. not the hospital visits, not janis crying her heart out at night. he couldn’t.
so he ran faster.
—
janis set down her phone, her knees began rocking as she started tapping her thumb to her other fingers to calm down.
after a few minutes she heard her front door open, her bathroom door opening a few seconds later as damian crashed to the floor with a hug.
“what’s wrong?” damian asked, clearly panicked. he stared at the bruises on her face, the bandaid covering her cheek. he looked down at her arms, looking at her old scars, but thankfully no new ones.
janis grabbed her phone, opening the notes app before typing out one word.
‘regina.’
“oh janis, i’m sure it will be okay.” damian tried to reassure as janis shook her head. she typed on the notes app again, taking a bit longer as damian sat next to her, waiting until she was ready to share.
‘ i went to her house, i told her not to hurt cady, but she kept on saying i wasn’t here for cady. and then, i don’t know why, but i told her i loved her.’
“honey—” damian pushed her hair back from in front of her face before putting his head on top of hers, but she continued typing.
‘ she hit me, she kicked me. she called me stupid and a dyke, and pathetic, and—‘
damian cut her off before she could continue. “for one, are you okay?” janis slowly nodded at his question.
“okay, and two; you are neither of those things janis. you aren’t stupid, you are the smartest person i know. you aren’t pathetic, you aren’t dumb, you’re amazing just how you are, don’t listen to her.”
janis stood still before typing into her phone again.
‘ i can’t recognize myself. i look into the mirror, and i see a stranger. it’s like i’m not me and i don’t know how to fix it.’
“janis..” damian trailed off as he saw the next thing she wrote.
‘ do i hurt people?’
“no, you don’t. you couldn’t. why do you ask?” damian asked as he rubbed circles into janis’s knee, so she can have a constant to focus on.
‘ she said. she said she was hurting cady to hurt me. because she could hit, and bully me, and i’d still be ‘obsessed’. so to hurt me, she had to hurt the people around me.’
“janis, even if that was true, and that’s why she is doing whatever she is. that’s not your fault. she is choosing what to do. she is choosing to hurt people. this isn’t your fault in any way.” janis sniffled as she wiped her tears on her sleeve.
‘ am i too much? ’
“yes.” damian smiled, “but you're my too much."
janis put her phone down, and leaned into damian, and closed her eyes.
damian wrapped his arms around her, tight, before exhaling a sigh of relief. he couldn’t lose her.