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It hadn't been that long since he came back to the living world when Aventurine came across the doctor again. He hadn't been looking for him in that bar, there was no need for it. Things had simply fallen into place for him lately.
Perhaps finally praying to the avgin goddess, the one he hadn't prayed to since his family was lost to him, only tk be seen in dreams, had brought more good luck his way, perhaps he was still dreaming.
Regardless, as he entered the bar, he saw Dr. Ratio, sitting alone at a table, already having seen who had entered, but seemed to be pretending he hadn't. He knew Aventurine would approach him, so he did as he would any other time. (As if his time in the dreamscape had never happened, as if he hadn't felt actual when confronted with his own death by Sunday, as if his meeting with the emanator of IX was all a dream.) He walked towards Ratio, confidence boozing off of him, independently from whether or not he actually felt it.
"Greetings, gambler."
The scholar seemed the same as usual, sitting with his back as straight as humanly possible, his arms crossed ever since he turned to look Aventurine's way. Said gambler sat in front of Ratio and smiled also in the customary way, but instead of saying hello in a similar fashion, something else escaped his mouth.
"What meaning is there to life?"
He had gotten the response to this question before because of the 'galaxy ranger', however, it kept plaguing his mind. Why had she, of all people, an emanator of nihility, told him to live? Was there any hidden meaning to her words? What was the point of such a contradiction?
And even though he had read the note Ratio had given him, even though he took it to heart, now that it was all said and done, he wanted to see how far he could take. Aventurine wanted to hear, to see if he could make Ratio say what he had written.
The doctor uncrossed his arms. There was a look on his face that was far from cockiness, but that Aventurine couldn't really say was pity either.
"There is none. That is what you wish to hear, is it not?" - Ratio said, tapping his fingers against the table.- "But that is not all there is to it."
His eyes locked with Aventurine, almost like he was challenging him to suggest otherwise, but all he replied with was: "Oh? Is that so?"
"Yes, it should be obvious. There is no grand goal that one should strive to achieve in life. You're allowed to have one, of course. But that's not the point."
"No?"
"No. You can opine on the subject, dear gambler. It seems odd that I'm the one giving the answers and you asking the questions in this conversation, without as much as a witty remark on your part. I'll start believing you're not the same person I last met in the dreamscape." - He motioned for his drink, probably an attempt to let Aventurine say his piece.
He laughed first and foremost.- "Of course, I'm aware I'm *allowed* to speak, it might just be the secondary effects to basically dying in Penacony that strips me of my- what was it you said that one time?- charmingly vague nature?"
The doctor seemed to have downed his drink when he spoke again.
"Although I have my doubts about that, it is true that I have little knowledge on such a subject, so... where were we? The meaning of life? As I see it... You don't need to have one, but this life- unless you are in a dreamscape-" - Aventurine smirked at that.- "is the only one you get. If you have one life, then live it, first and foremost, regardless of meaning. As you understand that life has no inherent meaning, do the mundane things you usually would. When you understand that there's darkness all around you, make your own path."
"Even that of a slave of the IPC who left the rest of his kind to die?" - Aventurine said it before really thinking about it, but once he understood his own statement, it was too late to take it back. He smiled sheepishly and looked away, his opinion of Ratio might be changing, but he still preferred the dance they played to plainly stating what he felt.
If Dr. Ratio didn't seem serious before, he did now.- "All life is worth living." - he said, his voice sounding quite emotional for his usual tone. - "Even that of someone who has suffered greatly."
Aventurine looked back up, then, ready to try and make the conversation less heavy. "So this is not personal? Oh, doctor, and here I thought you were just about to confess that you liked me!"
The gambler might have not been as proficient as he wished he was, for the doctor stayed silent for a while, staring at his drink, only to understand there wasn't any more, before opening his mouth again.
"All life is worth living. But most lives wouldn't affect me personally. It is not the same to think of a random person dying… as it is to lose a... precious acquaintance."
And that was it, wasn't it? That's what Aventurine wanted to hear, that his life wasn't worth saving due to some ideology, but because *he* was worth something. He didn't know what his death would truly mean to Ratio, most likely his life wouldn't change, or maybe it would change for the better (or maybe, Aventurine thought in the back of his mind, maybe he would mourn him and cry for him, maybe that's what having a friend meant).
"I-I see."- Aventurine finally said after an awful amount of time. He made an exaggerated yawn.- "I am feeling kind of tired, though. Almost death experiences do that to you."
He laughed awkwardly and made his way to leave, when he heard Ratio say, as soon as he stood up: "Sleep well. Until our next meeting, dear gambler."
"Until next time."- he repeated, Ratio nodded.
‘I'll be waiting’, he wanted to say, ‘Looking forward to it.’, could've worked also. But was too open, too raw, to say anything he meant with mirth. So he looked at Ratio one last time, to find that he was looking at him right back, and Aventurine found himself hoping that he could hear those words nonetheless. Maybe with his pleading stare, he said something else that he meant all the same: ‘Thank you.’
He left, lost in thought, wondering what was real and what was fake, trying to understand what the scholar would profit off of saying those things to Aventurine, what could possibly be hidden in such words, which parts of that conversation were transactional, as all interactions he had had since his youth were in one way or another. But as he reached his hotel room and fell asleep, such ideas of schemes were lost to his own dreams.