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When they stepped into his apartment, Buck knew that he had fucked up royally.
That was it.
And shit, it made him want to cry.
Why was this his luck?
Tommy was amazing. Tommy was a fucking catch and he of all people had been on a date with Buck.
And that date has been an absolute disaster.
The moment Tommy had picked up Buck - looking incredibly handsome in his black shirt and a pair of really tight jeans - Buck had stumbled over his shoes and had put his foot in his mouth when he tried to compliment Tommy for his outfit. Real smooth. Tommy had looked quite amused in a fond way, but Buck had felt embarrassed. Like a damn teenager on his way to his first date with his crush. Well, in a way, he was, but he was no damned, inexperienced teenager, he was a grown ass man with a job and friends and an own apartment and all of that stuff. So why did Tommy’s pure existence make him feel so fucking nervous?
Then, during their date having some food and beer, Buck had felt so incredibly awkward. Stammering about, he had blushed again and again and it had been a hard time to even look Tommy in the eyes. Fuck, he had felt so happy to be on this date with Tommy that his heart had been beating one hundred miles a minute. It was so weird because Buck had been on dates with women so often and with Tommy, he suddenly felt like a fish out of water. Because Tommy was so damn charming and sweet, so funny and smart. What a man, a man that could have chosen anyone for a date. But he chose Buck.
And then, Eddie and Marisol had shown up, completely out of nowhere, and Buck had just… panicked. It was like he had been standing beside himself because Buck had started to make stupid jokes, trying to hide how incredibly nervous he was about the fact that nobody knew about his date with Tommy. Nobody fucking knew that he was bisexual. Well, at least he thought he was bisexual. Fuck, why was this so hard?
After Buck behaved like an idiot, Eddie had asked if he and Marisol could just join Buck and Tommy at their table. Fortunately, Tommy told him they had already gotten the check and were on their way out. Right at this moment, Buck had felt a huge rock fall from his heart with a loud tumble in relief. Eddie hadn’t looked too convinced, but a few minutes later, Buck and Tommy had left the establishment.
The drive back to Buck’s apartment had felt incredibly awkward and now, here they were. And Buck felt like a complete idiot because this date had been a disaster and that was just because of him. He was sure that Tommy had hated being with him and that this would be it. They would just tell their goodbyes and greet each other if they bumped into each other in the future and… yeah. Buck screwed up this chance of getting to know Tommy, of maybe building something meaningful with him. That was what Bobby had told him all those years ago, right? You build something meaningful. Somehow, Buck had the feeling that, even though they barely knew each other, Tommy was the person he could do that with. If he wasn’t such a damn idiot.
Buck rubbed his face with his right hand, walking further into his loft. He heard the door fall shut and stopped himself from sighing.
“Evan? What’s wrong?” Tommy’s voice was soft and worried and Buck swallowed thickly. This man was… he was so kind, always making sure that Buck felt comfortable. He made Buck feel safe and cared for. Why did he do so even after such an awful date?
“I’m sorry, Tommy,” Buck said, shrugging a little. He didn’t even dare to turn around and look at the other man because he felt like an idiot. “I know this evening wasn’t fun for you and I understand if you’re not interested in seeing me again.”
A gasp. Had he heard a gasp? Buck frowned a little and then heard Tommy step closer.
“What the hell are you talking about, Evan?”
Buck frowned even harder. He dared to turn around now after all, looking directly at Tommy who was a bit taller than he was (and that was incredibly attractive in Buck’s eyes. Wow. Yes, definitely attracted to this man) only to see an expression that was confused and almost a little… scandalized?
Buck started to gesture with his hands, flailing them in front of his chest nervously. “I know this date was a disaster and I wish I could tell you that I usually am not a mess of nerves and annoying like I’ve been tonight, but…” He shrugged. “I don’t know. This is all so new for me.”
Tommy exhaled audibly and Buck expected him to turn around and leave. Why would he put up with someone like Buck? A guy in his 30s who couldn’t even handle a single date? Tommy was fucking gorgeous, he was smart, he was funny and he was damn talented. He could have any guy he laid eyes on, so why should he waste his time on the mess that was Evan Buckley?
When Tommy suddenly grabbed his right hand and wrapped his fingers around it, Buck blinked twice and then stared at him. “What in the world makes you think I didn’t enjoy our date?” Tommy asked, and his tone was still soft, but also serious. He looked at Buck like he was searching for answers in his eyes, and the intensity in Tommy’s own piercing blue eyes made Buck’s knees feel all weak.
Buck was speechless for a moment and blinked again when Tommy grabbed his other hand as well, gently holding them in his own hands. Tommy’s fingers felt warm on his skin and Buck stared at their hands for a moment before looking back up at the other man. “Y-you enjoyed our date?” Buck then asked and it looked like Tommy’s expression softened even more.
“I did,” Tommy answered, and suddenly, he seemed a little insecure as well. “But you sound like you did not.” Buck felt his heart stop for a second and he immediately shook his head. “No! No, I really like spending time with you!”
There was a slight frown on Tommy’s face now, causing a small crease to appear between his eyebrows, and even that made him look incredibly handsome. “Okay. Then we’re on the same page. Why did you think I didn’t enjoy our date, then?” Tommy asked again and Buck sighed. He felt Tommy squeeze his fingers a little.
“Because I’m a damn mess and I can’t imagine that it was fun having me around tonight,” he admitted, feeling himself blush a little. “I can barely concentrate on anything when you’re around and I just… when suddenly, Eddie showed up, I panicked. I don’t think I’m ready to tell him yet and at the same time, it felt horrible to not tell him. I don’t want you to feel like I’m just playing around, because I really do not. I want this.” Buck inhaled deeply, averting his eyes. He could feel himself spiral down into those thoughts slowly but surely and he hated this feeling.
Fortunately, Tommy was having none of that.
He let go of Buck’s left hand and gently lifted his right one. Buck’s eyes widened when he felt how Tommy pressed his hand flat to his broad chest. There was warmth. There was strength. And there was a heartbeat that was as quick as Buck’s own. Buck looked back up at Tommy whose soft smile made his own chest feel all warm.
“Feel that? That’s because of you,” Tommy said, his deep voice so smooth. So gentle. “And it has been like that all evening.” While Buck was still staring at him, eyes wide, mouth slightly open, Tommy moved Buck’s hand from his chest up to his face. He brushed his lips to Buck’s knuckles in the most gentle and yet most sensual gesture Buck had ever experienced. What was this man doing to him?
“I know we don’t know each other that well yet,” Tommy then kept on speaking, both of his hands wrapped around Buck’s now. “But I adore you, Buck.” He stepped a little closer and Buck had to think of their first kiss a few days back. When Tommy had turned his whole life upside down.
“And I want to spend more time with you. A whole damn lot of more time. Because being around you feels really good.” Tommy’s eyes were shimmering with warmth. Affection. Longing even? Buck couldn’t breathe. So he listened instead. “From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I was fascinated by you. Because you’re not just fucking gorgeous, but you’re smart. Loyal. Brave. You’re fucking hilarious. Buck, you- you have absolutely no idea what effect you do have on me, do you?” Tommy chuckled quietly, shaking his head slightly. Amusement. But it didn’t seem like he was laughing at Buck, not with eyes that looked so warm and affectionate.
“It’s true I had a shift the last time I was here. I needed to leave. But I could have stayed a little longer, could have spent some more time with you. But I didn’t. Because I am so damn attracted to you and I didn’t want to rush things.” Tommy raised his right hand and placed it on Buck’s left cheek. Gently, he stroked Buck’s cheek with the pad of his thumb, right underneath his left eye. Buck felt his eyelids flutter a little and all he could do was stare while this gorgeous man touched him as gently as never anyone had done before him.
“I wanted to take you out on a date. Properly, so we could get to know each other. Because I am not interested in playing games either. I want this too,” Tommy said. Buck swallowed thickly and he felt his heart hammer in his chest, so loud he was sure that Tommy had to hear it as well.
“Can you please kiss me again?” Buck then just asked, breathlessly. There was another one of those quiet, deep chuckles and the way Tommy’s eyes crinkled when he smiled at him made the butterflies in Buck’s stomach do incredibly dangerous stunts mid-air.
Their lips touched just a moment later and finally, finally Buck was able to relax. He sighed because after that kiss a few days ago, he hadn’t been able to think about anything else but Tommy’s lips on his. Rough stubble touching his chin. Large, strong hands touching him, holding him. Fuck, Tommy was so tall, he was so strong and yet, he was so damn gentle. Buck wanted this, he wanted to be with Tommy, hold his hand, hug him. Kiss him. Buck wanted Tommy. Evan Buckley was bisexual and he was kissing this amazing man for the second time. And fuck, he couldn’t be happier about that.
“Your lips are… fuck, your lips are perfect,” Tommy said after he had kissed Buck gently, but intensely, just like the first time. His kisses felt like fireworks were going off in Buck’s belly and chest, and he definitely needed more. Wanted more. “Look who’s talking,” Buck answered, a little baffled, still breathless. There was a fire in Tommy’s blue eyes now and Buck wanted it to burn him. Consume him. Fuck, maybe feeling this passionate about a guy he barely knew and had kissed twice was to soon, but Buck also knew that they had all the time in the world to figure out what they wanted.
Tommy gently grabbed Buck’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss, a much quicker one this time.
“So, for the record. I enjoy having you around. I do want a second date. I think you’re amazing. And I think you’re fucking gorgeous. And I am completely fine with whatever you decide, Buck. You set the pace and I will follow. Because I know how damn scary outing oneself can be.” He looked into Buck’s eyes with intensity in his expression. Tommy meant it. And Buck believed him. “Tell Eddie, don’t tell Eddie, tell whoever you want or not - I am fine with that. I’m not going anywhere and I want you to feel comfortable. Okay?”
Buck’s knees were jelly. His heart too. Maybe his whole body? How could this man be even real? “Yeah,” Buck breathed. A smile appeared on his lips when he leaned closer again, his right hand finding their way to Tommy’s because he just wanted to hold on to him. And when Tommy laced their fingers together, he knew that he was safe. “Yeah, okay,” Buck said. A second later, warm lips pressed up against his for another gentle kiss, causing Buck's eyes to flutter shut so he could just enjoy the feeling.