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The mundanity of everyday life, though often dull and repetitive, can occasionally prove to be entertaining.
“Babe, I’m hurt . Vampires are known for their thralls,” Yoko whined irritatingly. “I would absolutely make for a bad ass cult leader!”
Divina rolled her eyes and pecked her girlfriend on the cheek, “Sweetie, you’re the laziest person I know, except for Ajax. You wouldn’t even last a week before letting someone else take over because it would be too much work.”
“Delegating is an important life skill.” The vampire crossed her arms and huffed childishly. “So who do you think would be a better cult leader? You and Bianca don’t count since you can just siren everybody into following you.”
Both sirens and Enid looked up from their phones at each other before simultaneous turning to look at Wednesday.
Since entering an amorous relationship with my technicolored wolf, I find myself unwilling to part with Enid longer than necessary. As a result, I’m often among my peers, her friends, during our lunch hour. Though I don’t usually participate in their mindless conversations, today it seems unavoidable.
Enid grinned her radiant smile as she nudged Wednesday’s shoulder, “How would you feel about leading a cult? I bet you’d put Jim Jones to shame.”
“I’m flattered, but no I wouldn’t,” the seer looked up from her battered Old English copy of Beowulf and was momentarily blinded by her love’s beauty. “I . . . I daresay you’d be a much better candidate.”
An exaggerated cough that sounded suspiciously like simp came from across the table.
“For real, Addams?” Bianca teased in a grating voice. “Your girlfriend would be a better cult leader than you or Yoko?”
Everyone goes through phases as they age: in elementary school I was fascinated by medieval torture, in middle school it was serial killers, and most recently my guilty pleasure has been destructive cults. Enid’s podcast recommendations on the subject have been surprisingly enjoyable.
“What is the single most important trait of a non-siren cult leader?” Wednesday asked the table as she folded her hands on top of her closed AP lit reading assignment.
Divina cocked her head and frowned, “Charisma.”
The seer nodded shortly, grateful the siren had a few more brain cells than the vampire. “And do I or the parasite have any relevant amount of charisma?”
“I’m very charismatic-”
“Yoko, people are just afraid of you because you’re a vampire,” Bianca interrupted.
Enid giggled, the sound nearly as hypnotic as a siren’s song, and nudged her girlfriend again. “I think you can be charismatic when you want to be.”
“Which is never. You on the other hand possess the trait in excess,” Wednesday stated with confidence. “Your gift for befriending our peers is truly extraordinary.”
The wolf was nearly vibrating out of her seat as she leaned further into her girlfriend. “Wens, you’re literally the sweetest.”
“Okay, stop flirting for a sec. We just decided Yoko couldn’t be a cult leader because she’s too lazy,” Bianca pointed out, skepticism dripping from her tone. “Don’t you think your girlfriend is way too nice to manipulate anyone?”
“She is uncommonly kind and patient, yes,” Wednesday readily admitted. “But Enid also has a drive to be exceptional at what she cares about, something the vampire lacks. I believe that drive could overwhelm any perceived niceness. ”
“Is that supposed to be a compliment or-?” Bianca asked.
Wednesday slipped her book back into her bag. “Simply an observation and a theory.”
“I’m gonna take it as a compliment,” Enid justifiably preened.
Tongue loosened by Enid’s proximity, the seer continued, “Aside from her personality, I also believe Enid would be a master at love bombing.”
Yoko petulantly threw her straw wrapper at Wednesday. “We don’t need to hear about what you two get up to in your dorm.”
Why does Enid like this obnoxious tick? I would much rather be there with her than here with this lot.
“Love bombing is a popular method employed by cults to quickly incorporate new members.” Wednesday continued in a painfully even and measured tone, “Many individuals targeted by cults are social outcasts, those without families. These people tend to be starved for affection, thus giving them that affection in high concentrations at the beginning of a relationship will quickly overwhelm them leading to something akin to addiction. They’ll do nearly anything to continue receiving that love as a result.”
“So love can be a weapon?” Enid asked with a fang-filled smirk and a playful crinkle to her eyes.
Wednesday swallowed slowly, ignoring the blush trying to flood her face. “In the right hands, yes.”
Yoko sighed loudly while rolling her eyes, “Fine. Enid, when are you going to start your cult?”
“I think I wanna graduate first,” the wolf said after an adorable snort of laughter. “Maybe between sophomore and junior year of college? Oh, what should my angle be?”
With no hope of stopping the flow of adoration, Wednesday spoke up. “You are the personification of love and the moon incarnate.” The seer continued, ignoring Enid’s- the rest of their friends, taking her love’s hands in her own, staring intently into her eyes. “In a world filled with misery and pain, you would be an avatar of peace and acceptance. Those blessed by your presence would instantly fall victim to your aura and gladly adore such a divine being.”
Silence lingered for a moment after the seer’s speech.
Divina cleared her throat a bit awkwardly, “I know this is all hypothetical, but holy shit can Wednesday sell worshiping Enid, the cult leader. Where do I sign up?”
“Underneath all that monochrome anger beats the heart of a romantic,” Bianca cooed teasingly, insufferably more than anything.
Enid threw herself at her lover, purposely almost knocking Wednesday over on the bench seat. “Damn right it does,” she purred as she tried to hug the life out of the seer.
This is precisely why I don’t usually partake in these conversations. The urge to shower my wolf with approbation is hard enough to contain without speaking. There is no internal filter strong enough to resist the devotion begging to fall from my lips. I can only hope my wolf follows through and suffocates me with her embrace and puts me out of my misery.
Whatever fear and mystic my reputation once held has surely been replaced with soft romanticism. I fear I’m no longer as intimidating as I once was and perhaps never will be again. I mourn the loss, painfully at times, but will gladly sacrifice it all again for just a moment of my wolf’s attention and affection.
“How can someone so socially awkward have so much rizz?” Yoko groaned into her hands. “You’re making the rest of us look bad.”
Divina rubbed soothing circles over the leech’s back. “It’s not a competition, Sweetie.”
“If anyone here has pressure to up their romantic-ness, it’s me,” Enid muttered, squeezing the seer once more before finally releasing her. “I kid you not, she’s made me swoon before.”
Wednesday felt a wave of indignation crest upon her. “You are more than adequate with your affection and love. I doubt my sanity would remain intact if I were any more smitten with you.”
“Is no one gonna take that? Really?” Bianca asked before muttering, “Low hanging fruit.”
“Are you claiming you were sane to begin with?!” Yoko shouted belatedly.
“Your wit is truly something to behold.” The seer sighed and focused again on the only person worth her time at the table. “The torment you inflict upon me is like none I have encountered before and, more often than not, leaves me overwhelmed in the best possible way.”
“Okay, this is getting a little too PG-13. I’m gonna walk Yoko to her next class before she gets herself staked.” Divina stood and pulled her girlfriend up with her.
“Make sure you get your head on straight before fencing,” Bianca added to the seer as she too stood.
“Okay, see you all later!” Enid shouted and waved as the group left the cafeteria. She turned back to Wednesday and blinded her with a luminous smile. “I kind of wanna skip the rest of today’s classes and torment you into insanity.”
“Mierda. . . Whatever you desire, mi amor.”
I never did make it to fencing.