Chapter Text
So Megamind faked his own death, stole Bernard’s identity, dated Roxanne, lost Roxanne, and is now trying to track down and put away every last member of the Doom Syndicate for ever hurting Roxanne.
Well, he already racked up the Doom Syndicate. The only person he still has to find is Bernard Kropp. That little jerk gets his kicks out of torturing supervillains and declaring himself king of rules and regulations. And paperwork. Ewwwwwe.
Megamind still loves Roxanne though… of course. Nothing’s changed for him. Everything has changed for her. She said she didn’t know him at all and wanted to start over. And he…. chose not to. He gave her the afternoon. He let her ask him questions about his inventing alias, Thomas Nemo, and about how a supervillain can also run a dog cafe. (Disguise watch. Duh.)
And then he made a point to avoid her as adamantly as possible for the next week.
She’s safer this way, for one. And for two, he’s not sure he can survive hurting her again. It’s incredibly generous of her to offer to be acquaintances again, maybe even friends eventually. But, he can’t let himself have that. He could walk all over her again. He can’t help it right? All he’s good at is being evil.
So here he is, staking out at a bar in one of his disguises. This one he carefully crafted to look very average. Statistically. Most common hair color in the world? Black. Most common eye color? Brown. Most common face shape for men? Well, square or triangle, so he chose triangle. Not too tall or short. Common hairstyle. Normal . Yes.
Just what he needs to sneak around from place to place, looking for leads on Audit's whereabouts. The bar he’s in tonight, about an hour out of Metrocity, is popular with sublevel villains. He’s on double duty tonight though. Keeping an eye out for an annoying rash of armed thieves that have been picking on Metrocity.
He leans against his table, listening closely, scanning the room casually, until he nearly knocks over his glass.
A few feet away at the bar, Roxanne smiles at him calmly in a black dress.
She’s… here. Staring at him.
… Why is she staring at him??!!? And why is she here? And now looks like she’s smirking from how shocked he is.
Megamind straightens up in his Average Man disguise and pointedly looks away. Ah yes. He has a beer, the most commonly consumed alcohol in the world. He doesn’t… really like it, but here it is. He takes a drink his eyes find their way back to Roxanne.
Yep. Still staring… now getting up and walking over to him. Ok. That’s fine.
When she stops by his table, he pretends not to notice her for all of two seconds before making reluctant eye contact with her.
Average Man clears his throat. “Can I help you?”
Placing a hand on her hip, she blinks at him, gawking relentlessly.
He fights not to squirm. “Why are you staring at me?”
She raises an eyebrow, smiling deeper.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing. I was just trying to say anything other than I found Nemo … but you don’t look like a fish.”
Uh oh.
“I’m not Nemo,” he tried, then froze when she stepped into him and started fiddling with his tie.
“Right. And I’m not a journalist.”
She can’t be here!—does she? Know?—probably?—why is she here??—
“What are you doing?”
She looks at him annoyed. “Straightening your tie, of course.”
“Roxanne,” he gruffs and she gives him big innocent eyes.
“Oh, you do know me.”
“You’re a journalist,” he retorts, raising an eyebrow.
“Who had Duck Confit with your roommate on Thursday.”
He groaned in the back of his throat, beyond frustrated.
How did she know it was him? How?!? He spent days fixing the ocular settings! He did!
“I followed you.”
“Dang it, Roxanne,” he gruffs, stepping closer to her to speak quietly. “But that—shouldn't be possible. Because of the brainbots.”
“Which ones? Ones that you have tailing me? I do believe they consider me their mommy now. And Mommy told them to stay home.”
He growls, “You came here alone??”
“Of course not. It’s… the Sub-Rosa Risk,” she says under her breath, “I'm not stupid. No, the brainbots that you should have been worried about were the ones who were supposed to be looking for people tailing you.”
His eyes narrowed. “Did you sabotage my brainbots?”
She laughed, shuffling closer to him at his table and he leans a little further away. He couldn’t bring himself to step away though.
“No, that would be cruel. I bribed them.”
His jaw fell open. Impressed. Aroused. Annoyed.
“Well that's a hole in my evil security system,” he grumbles, cheeks heating.
“You're welcome, tiger.”
He scowls.
“Hey, at least now you can find the hole.”
“Troublesome,” he mumbles, looking around her, over her shoulder.
She looks behind her and back, leaning close to whisper. “What are you looking for?”
He took a deep breath and ignored her sweet scent. “Whoever you came with.”
She raised an eyebrow at him.
“You said you weren't alone!”
“I'm not,” she smiles, “I'm with you.”
He casts eyes to the ceiling asking how she can be so irresistible when she’s frustrating him. “Go home,” he gruffs.
“Stop avoiding me.”
“Go,” he says, abandoning his table to walk deeper into the crowd.
Her voice appears over his shoulder. “So are the bank robbers here?”
He scoffs at her, glancing around them to make sure no one heard her.
“What? I know you’re not here to recruit.”
“Sh! Would you please!” he whispers harshly, touching her elbow and gently guiding her away from the crowd and out the door. Shockingly, she let him.
Outside, April showers are threatening as he drops her arm.
He speaks low, eyes flicking to the alley and back. “Roxanne, this is a very dangerous part of town.”
“You think I don’t know that? You’re just upset that I know your morals are currently ambiguous.” She steps into his face. “You’re good at heroics. Admit it.”
“Completely absurd. You shouldn’t be here . I guarantee you, everyone in there is armed, and half of them out here. And you’d be shocked to know what I’m armed with.”
"You can't scare me away.”
He steps into her and her rear bumps into the wall.
“Oh ho I know, my dear, believe me! You're far too stubborn to be a cooperative damsel.” As winds whip her bangs across her face, he picks off a leaf that smacks her shoulder.
She scowls. “Oh, so you were trying to frighten me in the kidnappings? Really?” She rolls her eyes, brushing invisible dust from his shoulder. Gosh it's really stuck on there…
“Because I happen to know that you can be terrifying, and yet never gave me one reason to be scared.”
He looks down. “Common sense.”
She looks up. “Good person.”
“Take it back.”
“No.” She crushes her mouth onto his for a moment, making him gasp. “Make. Me.”
Hot.
Roxanne.
Warm.
Mouth.
Unable to stop, he kisses her back, slanting his mouth firmly against hers.
чертовы звезды her mouth is burning, and his mind is fizzing, and his hands tense and hover in the air, trying not to touch her.
Just kiss her. Only kiss-with soft lips-on his--
Her hands pine flat against the wall reactively and her head tilts up. He breaks the kiss with a loud breath, eyes squeezed shut as they pant together.
After a moment he clears his throat, hand on his neck to step back.
Clears his throat again. "I beg your pardon. That was inappropriate."
Ah haha. Right. That’s totally adequate, you idiot! No kissing Roxanne!
But Roxanne kissed him first.
Irrelevant! It was probably an accident! Or momentary lapse in judgment! Off limits! No Roxanne!
But…
Blinking absently, she touches a finger to her mouth. “You could clean up Metro City in two days if you wanted to.”
He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Roxanne,” he gruffs.
“Just stun them senseless with one of your toys. Or one of your kisses.”
Stern eyes held hers a moment before his lip quirked.
“Just switch sides.”
“Switch si–noo. I tried that. No one wants anything to do with me when I'm,” eyes darts around again, “different.”
Megamind sighs, tapping on his watch to summon the invisible car.
Opening the door, “If you could get in, please. I should drop you off at your car.”