Work Text:
That night, Re:vale and IDOLiSH7 were going to have dinner together to celebrate a successful joint live show. Momo was usually the one who gave life to their gatherings, but he was much quieter that day… Too quiet. Not only that, but he seemed a little out of it, as if his mind and body weren’t at the same place.
That strange quietness was starting to worry Yuki, but before he could say anything, Momo muttered a barely audible excuse and left the table. That was enough to silence the others, who followed him with their gazes, just before looking at Yuki.
“Is he alright?” asked Mitsuki.
“I’ll go check on him.”
Saying that, Yuki hurried to the restroom after Momo. One of the stalls had its doors closed, and as he approached, Yuki could hear the sound of Momo coughing and gasping for air. His heart sank, and he lightly knocked on the door.
“Momo? Is everything alright?”
There was a sudden silence, followed by Momo’s attempt at a casual tone. “Ah… Yeah.”
“Really?”
No answer.
“Let me in,” asked Yuki in a low voice.
After a moment of silence, Momo opened the door. His face was pale, eyes red, and there were still traces of tears on his cheeks. Yuki moved closer, carefully lifting Momo’s chin with his hand to take a better look at him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Momo shook his head. “I don’t know what happened. I’m usually fine in places like this, but suddenly the smell of alcohol made me feel really sick.”
Yuki furrowed his brow. “Alcohol?”
“Yeah…” Momo forced a chuckle, shrugging. “Weird, right?”
Thinking about it, he hadn’t seen Momo drink anything alcoholic lately. Not since…
Oh…
Guilt weighed inside Yuki as he connected those things in his mind. Momo was incredibly strong, so Yuki didn’t question how quickly he recovered after that entire episode with Tsukumo and his goons.
“Is it because…?”
“No,” Momo quickly interrupted him. “Let’s not talk about it, alright?”
That answer was just another sign that something was wrong. And, now that he had noticed it, Yuki wasn’t willing to just let it go.
“We haven’t talked about it since that day,” he said. “I didn’t want to pressure you, but if it’s affecting you this much…”
“I know it shouldn’t be.” Momo lowered his eyes, drying some new tears with his sleeve. “It makes no sense… It’s been weeks already.”
It hurt to see him in that state—and even more to think of all the times he had been through something like that on his own.
“Did something like this happen before?” asked Yuki.
Momo hesitated a little before nodding. “Sometimes… Sometimes I wake up at night. And then I’ll get all nervous about any noise… Like something is about to jump on me even if I know no one’s there. And today, it was just out of nowhere.”
Yuki was familiar with that feeling: after that accident with Ban, his nights had been restless as well, and that sudden suffocating feeling would often overcome him. It was thanks to Momo that he started to get better, so now…
“Let’s go back,” he said. “I’ll accompany you home.”
“No, it’s alright. I—”
“Momo.” Yuki placed a hand on his shoulder. “Stop pushing yourself. They’ll understand if you’re not feeling well.”
Momo averted his gaze, as if ashamed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I’m the one who’s sorry for not noticing earlier.” Yuki reached for his phone. “I’ll let Rinto know.”
Those words made Momo stare at him, slightly wide-eyed. “Wait… Don’t tell him the reason. It’ll just worry him.”
“Alright. I’ll tell him you’re feeling sick, then.”
“He’ll still get worried.”
“Of course. Because he cares about you.”
Those words did little to reassure Momo, who still looked at Yuki with that anxious expression.
“Can’t we just call a taxi?” he asked. “There’s no need to ruin his night too.”
“You’re not ruining anyone’s night,” said Yuki. “Besides, he’ll worry much more if we don’t tell him what’s happening.”
“I’m always causing trouble for you two…”
“Sometimes. But not now.”
Yuki brought a hand to Momo’s hair, earning a tiny smile from him.
“You’re such a gentleman,” he said.
“I’m just worried about you.”
“I know.”
Yuki returned his smile, then turned his attention back to his phone. “I’ll call him, then.”
This time, Momo didn’t protest.
As Yuki thought, Rinto rushed to them as soon as he ended that call, clearly worried. They walked to the car, and Yuki kept a hand on Momo’s back the entire way, to help steady his steps. Once inside the car, Rinto looked at Momo through the rearview mirror.
“I’ve been avoiding talking about this because I know you won’t like it…” he said. “But maybe you should seek professional help.”
Momo sighed. “Okarin…”
“I know, I know,” Rinto continued, patiently. “But if you keep avoiding it, it’ll only get worse.” He offered Momo a slight smile. “I won’t force you, but as your manager, I’ll have to insist.”
“I think he’s right,” said Yuki.
“In fact—” Rinto shifted his gaze to Yuki. “—I think it would be good for both of you.”
“I see.” Yuki had been reluctant to do something like that before, especially considering the rumors that could start to spread if the media learned about it. Now, however… making sure his partner was fine was much more important than anything else. “Then… If Momo agrees to it, so will I.”
“Really?” Rinto’s face brightened. “That’s great news!”
Momo looked at Yuki, surprised. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Rinto smiled at them. “Think about it, alright?”
Momo nodded. “Alright.”
Rinto left them at Momo’s apartment, and after making sure that Momo was fine, and that they would call him if they needed anything, he left.
“Sorry for the mess,” said Momo as they stepped inside.
Yuki offered him a smile. “I’m used to it.”
Though, he had to admit that the place was a little more chaotic than usual. Yuki was considering helping Momo tidy up the place the next morning when he noticed that the curtains covering the balcony door were closed. It shouldn’t be something unusual, but that day, it caught his attention. As if noticing his gaze, Momo soon spoke.
“I’ve had some trouble going to the balcony since that day.” He gestured toward the curtains. “If I go there, I get dizzy, and… I don’t know. I can’t really explain.”
His words made Yuki’s heart sting. “If it’s difficult staying here, don’t you want to spend some time in my apartment?”
“I… I think I’m fine.”
“You’re clearly not.”
“Yeah… Probably not.” Momo sighed, tired. “Sorry… I’m trying to keep it together, but sometimes… It’s hard.”
Yuki moved closer to him, placing his arms around Momo in a careful hug. “This is why I think Rinto is right. Things can’t stay like this.”
“I know. But… This could cause us more problems than help.”
Those words hurt. Yuki loved Re:vale… But he hated that constant fear of soiling their image, as well as those mean-spirited rumors the media would come up about them every other day. How they had to sacrifice things important to them, like living together, because it would be the best for their career.
That time, however, he wasn’t willing to make sacrifices for their image. If something like that was enough to turn their fans against them, then Yuki didn’t want those people listening to his music to begin with.
However, he knew Momo wouldn’t agree so easily, considering how far he was willing to go for Yuki’s career. Maybe it would take some effort to convince him, after all… But that could wait until the next day: at that moment, forcing Momo to talk about such things would probably only make him feel worse.
“Momo…” said Yuki. “We’ll have to talk again about this later.”
Momo lowered his gaze. “I know.”
“Don’t hide these things from me anymore, alright?”
“Sorry… I thought it’d get better with time.”
“It will get better… But for that, you need to stop trying to deal with everything on your own.” Yuki looked into his eyes. “Do you understand?”
“I… I’ll try.”
“Alright.”
With a long sigh, Momo leaned into Yuki’s embrace, hugging his waist. Neither of them moved for a long while, then, they made their way to Momo’s bedroom, where Yuki waited for him while he took a shower. He used that time to change his clothes to something more comfortable—half of his wardrobe was already in Momo’s place.
Once Momo left the shower, he looked at Yuki, slightly intrigued. “Are you spending the night?”
“You don’t want me to?”
“That’s not it…” Momo hesitated briefly. “But is it alright?”
It was common for Momo to get insecure when something was bothering him, so Yuki just chose to be patient.
“You shouldn’t need to ask,” he said.
“That’s true.”
That brief exchange earned him a slight smile from Momo. He approached Yuki, sitting beside him on the bed, drying his hair with a towel.
“Do you need anything?” asked Yuki.
“Not really.”
Yuki nodded, then reached for that towel, helping Momo dry his hair, earning a small, pleased laugh in response. Once he was done, and the two of them were lying together on the bed, he finally touched that subject again.
“Can we talk about it?” he asked.
“About what?”
The way Momo tensed up made it clear he knew what Yuki was talking about, but he still responded.
“What happened here that day.”
Momo didn’t answer for a while. “I don’t know if there is anything else to say.”
“Whatever is on your mind.” Yuki reached for his face, caressing his cheek. “Just don’t keep it all to yourself.”
Momo brought his hand to Yuki’s, holding it against his face for a moment. Yuki waited in silence.
“I didn’t think Ryou would go that far,” Momo finally said. “I knew he did some shady stuff in the past, but I thought he… He seemed better for a while. But then, after our anniversary, he started acting weird, and I had no idea why…” He paused for a moment, continuing in a lower voice. “He said it was all my fault and… that I’m the one who betrayed him first.”
Momo spent some minutes retelling that conversation he had with Tsukumo, and the reason why he—who once adored Momo—came to hate him so much. As he did, the anger grew hotter inside Yuki’s chest.
“That’s absurd,” said Yuki once Momo was done. “He knew you were drunk when you agreed.”
“Yes, but…” Momo stopped, shaking his head. “No, you’re right. I was drunk, and I didn’t remember a thing. Why didn’t he talk to me later, when I was sober? Why did he never mention it again? I would have talked to him if he did… Even if it was just to say no, I would at least have done it properly.” He paused, lowering his eyes. “I never wanted to hurt him, you know?”
The way he still thought of that man’s feelings bothered Yuki.
“Why did you care so much about that man?” he asked.
“Because… I really thought of him as a friend. I thought I could… I don’t know… That he just needed someone to be there for him, and that I could be that someone. But I just made things worse…”
“You did more than you should for him,” said Yuki.
Momo smiled bitterly. “We used to spend a lot of time together… I’d go to his apartment, and we’d drink together, and play games… He wasn’t always pleasant to be around, but… I thought he was a good person deep down. And… I thought he understood me. This fear I had of getting left behind…” He sighed heavily. “I think I made him feel the same thing without realizing it.”
“Momo, stop. He knew you were drunk, and even after our anniversary… He could have talked to you, but he chose to act like a spoiled child, instead.” Yuki gritted his teeth, his hatred of Tsukumo stronger than ever. “I can’t believe this… What’s wrong with that man?”
Momo stayed silent for a long while. He then met Yuki’s gaze, seeming anxious.
“Yuki… Was it really not my fault?”
“Of course not,” said Yuki. “You did much more than you should for him.”
Momo nodded, then moved closer to Yuki. They embraced each other tightly, and Yuki gently caressed Momo’s hair.
“It’s alright, Momo…” he murmured. “You can rest now. It’s over.”
Momo didn’t answer, but his body slowly relaxed in Yuki’s arms.
Yuki woke up unusually early the next morning. Momo was already awake, sitting on the bed by his side with his phone in hand.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
Momo looked at him, slightly surprised. “Ah, Yuki… You’re up early.” He smiled. “I was just answering some messages I got from our kouhai.”
“Were they worried?”
“Yeah…” Momo’s smile faltered a little. “I feel kind of bad for it… I should be the one looking after them.”
“You already do it, though. Just let them repay your kindness.”
“When you say it like that, it doesn’t sound so bad.” Momo giggled to himself, then met Yuki’s gaze. “Aren’t you still sleepy, though? It’s pretty early, so you can stay in bed a little longer.”
It would be embarrassing to admit that he was fully awake thanks to how worried he was about Momo, so he quickly changed the subject.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
“A little.”
“I’ll prepare breakfast for us, then.”
Momo grinned. “I’ll never refuse Yuki’s cooking.”
Yuki smiled in return. Momo seemed closer to his usual self now, but it wouldn’t hurt for Yuki to keep an eye on him for a while longer.
They left the bedroom together. On their way to the kitchen, however, Momo stopped, seeming conflicted about something.
“Yuki…” he said. “Can I ask you something?”
“What is it?”
“Can we go to the balcony?”
The request caught Yuki by surprise. “You don’t need to do this.”
“I know.” Momo sighed. “But, right now, I feel like I’m constantly running from a ghost. I just want to… I want things to go back to normal.”
Yuki was still unsure about the idea, but ended up nodding: maybe he was the one being too careful, this time. They opened the curtains, and then the door. Yuki walked into the balcony, then looked at Momo, who did the same after a moment of hesitation.
“Are you alright?” Yuki asked.
“I don’t know…” Momo stayed still for a moment. “I think so.”
“Do you want to go back inside?”
“Just a minute.”
Momo moved closer to the edge of the balcony, looking down. Without thinking, Yuki placed both hands on his shoulders.
“That would have been an ugly fall,” said Momo.
Those words filled Yuki with a cold sensation. “Don’t make me think of it.”
“Sorry.”
Yuki sighed. “No, it’s fine. I just don’t like the idea of losing you.”
To his surprise, Momo looked at him with a slight smile. “How sweet.”
“I have my moments.”
Momo giggled, then glanced down once again. “It’s not as bad now. Thinking about it was worse than actually coming here.”
“Just don’t force yourself.”
“I’m not.” Momo offered him a reassuring smile. “Really, it’s fine. Better than I thought it’d be.”
He sounded sincere, and that was a small relief. Momo stepped back, then took a deep breath.
“Okay, I’m done.” He offered Yuki his hand. “Let’s go have breakfast.”
Yuki took his hand with a smile. They walked to the kitchen, where Yuki started to prepare breakfast while Momo helped him with anything that didn’t involve actual cooking.
“You know,” said Momo after a while, “talking about it was… It made things a little better.” He hesitated just a little. “Maybe I’ll do as Okarin said, and see a professional.”
“That sounds good.” Yuki smiled at him, relieved. “You can still talk to me whenever you need, though.”
“I know. I don’t think I’d be able to go through all this if I didn’t have you.”
Yuki faced Momo, reaching for his face, lightly caressing his cheek. “We’ll go through it together, no matter what.”
Momo simply looked at him in silence, a sweet smile on his lips.
“What is it?” asked Yuki.
Momo shook his head. “Nothing. I just love you, Yuki.”
“Obviously.”
Despite his response, Yuki would never get tired of hearing those words.