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Warm.
When Aventurine exited the Nihility after completing his mission, the bleak, cold chill of Death was replaced.
Warm hands on top of him. Checking for a pulse. Administrating first aid.
He opened his eyes as much as he could, only making out a small amount of the person’s features.
Purple hair. Long blue fabric. It didn’t take a genius to know it was Ratio bandaging him up.
But, as he turned to look up, his breath froze.
The doctors eyes were welled with tears as he was administrating care, and he was mumbling underneath his breath.
You damned gambler…Showing up back here in this condition…When you wake up, I’ll kill you myself…
Aventurine suddenly felt his consciousness slip, as he was thrust back into momentary darkness.
When Aventurine awoke, he was in a Hotel Reviere bed, completely patched up. Ratio was sitting next to him, examining his vitals.
That image of Ratio’s tears flashed through his mind again.
“Ra…tio?”
Ratio looked up, a relieved expression flashing across his face before quickly covering it up with his default stern frown.
“Ahem. Welcome back to the world of the living, dear gambler.”
Aventurine stared at him for a moment before smiling. “Of course, doctor. Was there any doubt that I wouldn’t return?” He said playfully.
Ratio sighed, continuing to make notes on his clipboard. “I don’t have the resources here to give you the proper care you require.” He began, putting down his pen. “So…you’ll have to bear with me for a little while.”
“O-Oh…Uhm. Of course.” Aventurine felt flustered. He wasn’t usually in this position of being cared for.
Ratio got up, stretching his arms and legs. How long was he sitting with me? Aventurine wondered, a pang of guilt washing over him.
“Just rest in here. You didn’t get injured too badly, the ‘Dormancy’ had more of an effect on your spirit rather than your physical body. You should be fit to return to your duties in a week’s time.” He stated matter-of-factly.
He opened his mouth as if to say something else, before seemingly deciding against it.
“If you need anything, let me know. There’s a buzzer on the table next to you that will summon me.” He began. “Please use it sparingly.” He emphasized.
“Gee, doctor. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were worried about me, given all these precautions.” Aventurine smirked fondly. Ratio sighed.
“I WAS worried about you.” Ratio muttered. “Extremely.” His voice was barely above a whisper, hiding his concerned expression as best as he could from a cocky Aventurine, who would never let him hear the end of it.
“Anyway.” Ratio continued. “I have affairs to attend to. If you shall need me, I will do my best to come back as quickly as possible.”
He paused. “Rest well.”
And he quietly shut the door behind him, leaving Aventurine with nothing but his own thoughts.
“Ratio….” Aventurine muttered. The image of Ratio with tears streaming down his face flashed in his mind again.
He didn’t bring it up, as to not make a big deal out of it, but Aventurine couldn’t stop thinking of that expression on Ratio’s face. I should’ve never made him worry like that. Aventurine felt his guilt growing stronger with each passing second. He let Ratio worry about him. And like that.
He continued to stew in his feelings, letting his thoughts fester, until he heard a slight click.
The door squeaked open as Ratio appeared again, and tip-toed inside, before looking at the bed and realizing Aventurine was wide awake, staring at him. He sheepishly cleared this throat and straightened up.
“Ahem. I thought I told you to rest?” He avoided Aventurine’s gaze.
“Uhm, yeah. Sorry, I couldn’t really sleep.” Aventurine mumbled.
Ratio sighed, as he sat down on the edge of the bed next to Aventurine. Aventurine looked at him, slightly agape.
“If you find yourself unable to rest, then your recovery process will be slower. So…I’ll stay here with you. Maybe it will make your mind at ease to have another presence in the room with you.” He stated. His legs hung off the edge of the bed, trying to take up as little space as possible.
Aventurine smiled. “I thought you had affairs to attend to?”
Ratio nervously adjusted his shirt collar. “They have…been taken care of. It’s not your concern.” He dismissed.
So you blew them off to stay here with me. Aventurine thought to himself, smiling.
“Alright, Ratio. Whatever you say.” Aventurine shrugged. “But…” He continued. “I think your presence might make it harder for me to sleep.” He mumbled under his breath.
“Hm?” Ratio inquired.
“Nothing. It’s fine.” Aventurine quickly corrected. “Just…don’t be loud.”
“If anyone’s loud between the two of us, it’s you, dear gambler.” Ratio huffed. “But, alright. We can sit in silence.”
Aventurine groaned as he leaned his head back on the pillow. Whenever he closed his eyes, all he could see was Ratio’s crying face. The swollen eyes, the tear-stained cheeks, and….his expression.
It was the same expression Aventurine had when he lost his sister. An expression of total and absolute despair and defeat. It chilled Aventurine to his core.
“Are you alright?” Ratio snapped Aventurine out of his thoughts. “You keep glancing over at me.”
Damn. Aventurine silently cursed himself. He didn’t want Ratio to know he had saw him in that vulnerable of a state. And also how much seeing him in that state affected his own psyche.
“Yes. I’m fine.” Aventurine quickly said, rolling over so that his back faced Ratio. “Just…trying to sleep.”
Ratio stared at him for a second before getting up. “I’m going to check your vitals again. Entering the Nihility must have exhausted you severely. You should not be struggling this much to fall asleep.” He began, before pausing. “Or…is it something mental rather than physical?”
Aventurine cleared his throat. “Oh no, of course not. After all, I’ve been in far worse situations before. Remember that time on Planet HR3–1?” Aventurine laughed with fake bravado. Ratio continued to stare at him.
“Aventurine.”
Aventurine shivered at the address of his name, rather than Ratio’s typical ‘gambler’ nickname.
Ratio sighed, before sitting down on the floor next to the bed, at the side Aventurine was facing.
“Just tell me what happened. I…am not great with emotions, but I am a doctor nonetheless. I’m sure that I could provide some aid if I know what the issue is.” He said simply. Aventurine looked at his face up and down quietly, once again remembering that expression.
“Your face…” Ratio whispered, raising a hand to brush a lock of hair out of Aventurine’s eyes subconsciously, as he noticed how Aventurine was staring at him. “The shakiness of your breath, the detracting pupils….you’re remembering something traumatizing.”
Aventurine wasn’t sure what to do. Do I tell him…? But…I’m sure I wasn’t meant to see that. It would embarrass him.
“Tell me.” Ratio said, as if reading his mind. “I promise, whatever it is, I can do all in my power to help.”
Aventurine sighed. “Ratio, I saw it.”
Ratio stared at him, slightly confused. He stayed silent to allow Aventurine opportunity to continue.
“I…saw your face. When I…first came back. When I was almost….gone.” Aventurine said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I saw your eyes, your trembling lips, and…your expression.”
“I saw myself in you, Ratio.” Aventurine felt tears prick at the back of his eyes. “I saw myself with my sister died. When my parents died. I saw loss in your face that I never wished upon anyone because I knew for a fact how painful it was.”
Aventurine paused for a moment. “I didn’t create connections. I didn’t create bonds. I didn’t create them so I could gamble everything on the line without ever having to worry about seeing that face again.” Aventurine felt all his emotions bubble to the surface as his words kept tumbling out of his mouth.
“But I still saw it. I saw it on you. I saw it and now I’m haunted because I…” Aventurine felt the tears come out. “I failed. I never wanted to see that face again, and I failed. I never wanted to care again, and I never wanted anyone to care for me. I wanted to live untethered, and you…” He sobbed quietly, as he reached a shaky hand out to grip Ratio’s shirt.
“Why, Ratio? Why did you make that face? Why did you care about me?”
Ratio, who had stayed silent all this time, finally spoke up.
“Why is caring about someone a curse?” He asked. “Is it because you’re so afraid of them disappearing? That you don’t love at all anymore?” Ratio shook his head.
“On the contrary, that should give you even more reason to care.”
Aventurine looked at Ratio, tears still in his eyes.
“When you…love someone. There is always a fear of losing them. Especially when your past can serve as ‘proof’ of this happening.” Ratio explained. “But…caring about each other is how we survive. How we get through the days. The feeling of love and care, it overshadows fear.”
“Because when you’re afraid, you still love them. When you’re scared, you care about them. When you love someone, your fear is not a curse. It is your proof of bond. It shows you that you care. It’s an indicator of the love that you can hold, and the love that you receive.” Ratio stated, fully staring into Aventurine’s eyes.
“So, you might think of me caring about whether you live or die as a curse, but I don’t see it that way.” He said. “I view it as a blessing. I view it as I’m lucky enough to have something in my life I care about so much that I’m afraid of it being gone. That my lungs burn when yours burn. My heart pounds when yours does. And my tears fall when yours do.” Ratio wiped his own tears, a smile on his face. “If that’s a curse, to find another part of me, then I’ll gladly become a demon.”
Aventurine stared at him, in complete shock. He felt his hands tremble, which Ratio noticed, reaching out to grip them between his own, steady hands.
“It’s okay to not feel assured. Your past is deep, and it doesn’t go away overnight. But I promise, my fear of losing you will never be a curse. It’s not a burden. It’s a pleasure.” Ratio gently rubbed his thumbs against Aventurine’s knuckles. “Does this answer your question?”
Aventurine slowly nodded, as Ratio got up from the floor. He moved towards the other side of the bed, before fully laying down next to Aventurine, still keeping somewhat of a distance for Aventurine’s comfort.
Aventurine finally spoke up after a minute of lying next to each other. “Ratio, I…” He began, struggling to get the words out. “Is it truly not a burden…?” Aventurine whispered. “To love someone like me?”
“Aventurine. Look at me.” Ratio asked.
Hesitantly, Aventurine rotated his body so they were face-to-face. He looked into Ratio’s eyes and saw nothing but an unwavering will, and bright eyes.
That fear was buried, replaced with his love.
“It’s not a burden. It’s not a curse. It’s not any of the things you think it is.” Ratio caressed Aventurine’s face. “It’s a strength.”
Aventurine suddenly felt his cheeks go hot. It felt like he had suddenly been snapped back to reality.
Love? Care? Lying down next to me, softly touching my face….?
“Ratio…do you love me?” Aventurine blurted out, immediately regretting it. He wanted to smack himself.
Ratio stared at him for a moment, before laughing. “You really were trapped in your own head. Did you process anything I said in the past ten minutes, gambler?” Ratio teased.
“But, I guess…yes. You can take it as a confession.”
Ratio looked at Aventurine, his eyes brighter than Aventurine had ever seen them.
“I do love you.”
Aventurine felt conflicted. On one hand, his past screamed at him to run, to turn around, to assume a new identity and never speak to anyone ever again.
But…
His future called out for Ratio’s embrace. It begged to pepper Ratio’s face in kisses. It begged for them to grow older together, to go on missions, to have quiet mornings and to have talks just like this one.
“I…” Aventurine began, before Ratio interrupted him.
“I don’t need an answer from you right now. Certainly not one that you’ll regret in the future. You have plenty of time to think about it.” He stated sternly. “I’m not going anywhere.” He added quietly.
“I’m…scared.” Aventurine admitted, scooting in closer to Ratio. Ratio took the hint and wrapped his arms around Aventurine.
“I’m scared you would be hurt. And…I’m scared of getting hurt again too.” He mumbled. “It feels easier to have no one then to love and fall.”
Ratio gripped Aventurine slightly tighter. The compression made Aventurine feel warm.
“It takes time.” Ratio spoke. “You have a traumatic past, and healing can only be achieved with time.”
“But, I WANT to be with you, truly I do….” Aventurine replied, digging himself deeper into Ratio’s embrace.
Ratio sighed softly. “But there’s things that are holding you back. I want to be with you when you’re sure of yourself. And…of me.” He stated. “You’re vulnerable right now, akin to a bird without his feathers.”
Aventurine chuckled dryly. “So I’m that meek in your eyes?”
“Not usually.” Ratio replied. “But, you went through a lot of traumatic events in succession. It’s not a crime to be frail.”
Aventurine felt himself get sleepier and sleepier in Ratio’s embrace. Inhaling his smell, feeling his warmth, hearing his heartbeat, it felt all too peacefully for Aventurine to be able to keep his eyes open.
“You’re right, you’re right…” Aventurine mumbled sleepily. “That’s why you’re the doctor.”
Ratio smiled as he moved Aventurine closer to himself, feeling his own consciousness start to drift.
“Veritas….” Aventurine felt himself nearing the end of his energy.
“Wait for me.”
__________________________________
2 YEARS INTO THE FUTURE
Ratio waited anxiously outside the office, looking around in anticipation.
“Ratio-!” A call sounded from the distance.
Ratio turned around to be greeted by Aventurine’s embrace, as he excitedly held two pieces of paper in his hands.
“Congratulations to us, dear Ratio, for the IPC is now two members short!” He smirked.
“Finally.” Ratio groaned, taking his paper from Aventurine. “The IPC’s resignation process is a joke.”
“A joke it may be, but at least we’re finally free.” Aventurine smiled.
Ratio couldn’t help but smile at Aventurine’s joy. It was infectious.
“Besides that…” Ratio continued. “What’s the plan now? You can survive on your assets for a while, but not forever. They took half of them for the ‘resignation fee’.”
Aventurine grinned as he gripped both of Dr. Ratio’s shoulders and pulled him close.
“I’m going to tell the guy I like, that I like him. And then, we’re going to do whatever we feel like doing, and go wherever we feel like going.” Aventurine breathed, their faces only inches apart.
Ratio smiled. “I hope that man is me, or else this would be a bit awkward.”
Aventurine pouted. “Just for that, I’m not gonna kiss you.” He turned to leave playfully.
Ratio laughed softly as he pulled a begrudged Aventurine back to him. “Alright, alright. I apologize. Just kiss me.” Ratio teased. “Please.”
Aventurine beamed as he wrapped his arms around Ratio’s neck, kissing him softly and slowly, savouring the moment.
As they parted, Aventurine looked into Ratio’s eyes, his face hurting from smiling.
“I made you wait a long time, Veritas.” Aventurine began.
“But I love you too.”