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It’s been five days since she last saw Tim, heard his voice or felt his touch as he placed a final kiss on her forehead and walked away. He walked away. For good. Not just for the night. Something she never thought he would do. But she never thought he would shut her out and lie to her but he did that too. And a part of her gets it. She really does but the other part of her? It’s so angry, so confused, so hurt.
Running into him this morning didn’t help. For a split second it was like before. He had shaven, the stubble that had tickled her forehead was gone. His hair was done and he looked like the Tim she loved. But as soon as she looked in his eyes it was over. She saw the hurt and weariness that she was sure reflected in her own eyes and had to look away. She had to get out of this damn hallway. Right now.
She rushed past him and in a moment of weakness looked back and saw the longing in his eyes before the walls quickly rose and his jaw clenched and she couldn’t take it anymore. She turned and ran away. Actually ran. What was wrong with her?? What, was she back in high school?
“CHEN!” Srgt. Grey’s voice startled her as she arrived back into the bullpen.
“Yes Sir?” “I’m riding with you today” “Sir?” “Haven’t been out in the field for a while figured I’d get out from behind my desk for the day. Go set up the shop” “Yes, Sir”
~
Lucy hadn’t said a word in the last two hours and she knows Grey keeps looking over at her but she just can’t. She can’t put up a front today, seeing Tim sucked up all of the energy she had left. She just wanted to focus on driving and getting through the day without breaking down. But Grey certainly had other plans.
“So…how are you doing” “Do you really have to ask” “No I suppose I don’t”
The silence returned for a moment but that one question had opened the floodgates.
“I can’t stop thinking about it” “Tim is-” “No Sarge, I just-I don’t get it. We spent so long denying our feelings. Too worried that is wasn’t worth the risk but” her voice cracked, the emotions she’s been trying to push away all day force their way out. “When we finally, FINALLY got to where we were it was amazing. How did he let go so easily?!”
She could feel Grey’s eyes on her but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. God she was talking boy problems with her boss. Doesn’t matter that he’s become the closest thing she or Tim has had to a father in a long time. She shouldn’t have said anything
“It wasn’t easy Lucy” she scoffed at that. He wasn’t there. He didn’t feel how easily Tim literally slipped from her fingers. “It wasn’t. I don’t know what went down but I do know that he loves you. More than anything.”
The thing is she knows that. Because she still loves him. So much. “Tim has always been by the book and now he’s spiraling. He’s been demoted. He’s not ok” “I know that! And I wanted to be there for him I WAS there for him” Grey sighed. “Look, I’m not saying he was smart but. He needs you Lucy, he just doesn’t think he deserves you.”
And that’s what hurts the most. She wished he could see himself how she saw him. As the man who pushed her to be her best. Who was always there for her and knew what to say or when to not say anything at all. The man who believes in her more than anyone ever has and makes her feel so loved, and protected, and cared for. The man that despite everything he had gone through still managed to smile a smile that made her weak in the knees. No one could ever make her happy the way Tim Bradford could.
“It’ll take some time but I’m sure the two of you will be ok. Don’t write him off just yet” “I won’t…I don’t think I ever could”
She knew that it wouldn’t happen overnight. He had hurt her in his misguided attempts to protect her from himself and it would take time for her to completely trust in him again but she wasn’t gonna let him fall deeper into this grave he dug for himself and wallow in self pity. It might take a while to get back to where they were but she knew one thing for sure, Tim was it for her. She figured that out by their first kiss and there’s no way in hell she’s gonna let them have a last.