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Okay. Okay.
Just relax.
It’s only a question-
Or- or a few questions. Depending on how in detail he goes-
But- it’s a question.
And- and she’s his friend- best friend.
They’re both best friends.
All of them ask each other personal questions all the time! And- and it’s either laughed off or- or whatever-
It’ll be fine.
Just a question.
Hiccup stopped walking just outside the twin’s hut. He tapped his fingers, his shoulders tense from how ungodly nervous he felt. It was so stupid as well- Ruffnut was one of his best friends. He- he could ask her anything. It- it was just some advice. That’s all he wanted. Advice- and- and maybe a tiny bit of reassurance because he was freaking out and had no idea what to do-
The night was cold, the moon bright in the sky.
He took a deep breath, preparing himself to knock. His fist rose-
…
…
”What?”
Called the loud voice of Ruffnut
“It- it’s Hiccup- can- can I come in- for- for a sec?” He managed to stutter out, he could physically feel himself start trembling.
“Oh, yeah sure!” She called back
Hiccup opened the door, making sure to be quiet when closing it behind him
“If you need us to do something then you’ll have to wait for Tuff to get back, he went to do something with Chicken and-,”
“No- uhm, I need to talk to you.”
Ruffnut looked up at him from where she was sitting on her bed, her face contorted into a confused expression.
“Oh… you okay?”
Hiccup could already feel the worry in her voice, still with that same unserious tone- but he could just sense the underlying worry-
“I- look is it okay if- if I ask you like- a uhm… a personal question?… And- and it’s completely okay if not! I’m just- I don’t know what to do about something…”
He couldn’t meet her eyes- he was too nervous. He was shaking. Badly.
“Yeah dude, go for it!” She chuckled as she spoke, patting her brother’s bed for him to sit on.
Hiccup smiled at her briefly, his expression immediately fading back into his nervous oh my Thor I’m about to ask her this state.
He sat opposite Ruffnut, clearing his throat.
He wouldn’t look at her. It was like he was a scared kid in trouble-
She stopped him just before he spoke-
“Hiccup- are you like- actually okay? Dude you’re literally shaking-,”
She found herself reaching an unsure hand out. Her eyes drifted to his right leg, watching as he nervously and presumably subconsciously bounced it up and down.
“Y-yeah no- I’m- I’m uhm fine. Just- just worried about… something…”
“Right… and that is?” She tilted her head to the side, her eyes firmly locked onto his, but never receiving a look back.
He took a deep breath, his expression one of… horror?
“Uh- so- y-you know how I- I was uh- born a- a girl and- and then like- I became a boy…?”
Ruffnut nodded
Hiccup looked to her for one moment, seeing her nod as a queue to continue.
Okay. It’s okay.
“W-well- uhm- so- so like- I’m- I’m biologically female- Yeah? And- and so I have the- the anatomy of- of a woman-,”
“Yuh huh,” Ruffnut lent forward slightly, her legs crossed on her bed.
“So- so I-… Thor- I have a- uh-,”
“You have a vag?”
“I-,”
He froze, his brain almost malfunctioning for a second. How blunt of her.
“...Yes.” He couldn’t help but sigh in relief that she’d said it for him.
“Yeah, I assumed that. Since you were born a girl.” She nodded again. She didn’t have much of a reaction to anything he was saying-
It’s all okay. It’s going good.
“R-right- uh- so- I have- uhm- moons bloods, yeah?”
“Yeah,”
“And- I- uh- I haven’t- uhm- had it this month and I- I was supposed to have had it 2 weeks ago- and- and I just- I’m worried- and- and I- I was just wondering what was the latest you’ve ever been and were you okay afterwards???”
He almost religiously kept his eyes down after asking her. He couldn’t look at her-
…
…Maybe just a glance…?
Ruffnut looked at him for a few seconds, her eyes drifting back and forth, eyebrows furrowed. She was thinking.
…Aaaand he immediately thought that he had crossed a line and it was far too personal of a question and he should just leave and sink into a hole and die-
“I’m- I’m sorry you don’t have to answer that- I- I just don’t know who else to ask- I’m- I’m sorry I can leave-,”
“No! No- no- Hiccup I was- I was just tryna remember what the latest I’ve ever been was- sorry not the fastest memory-,”
She held her hands out in front of him, her way of making sure he didn’t leave before she made sure he was alright-
“Oh- Right- uhm- sorry,”
“Don’t be sorry you idiot. Anyway- I’d say like- a week at most. You said you’re two weeks late yeah?”
Hiccup nodded, his mouth sealed shut. He could still feel himself shaking.
“Hm… have you been particularly stressed lately?”
“I-… not anything more than usual…? Why? What’s- what’s that got to do with it?”
He looked at her confused, not understanding how that was relevant.
“Well- stress can fuck with your hormones and then your hormones can fuck with your moons blood yada yada yada,”
His eyes widened
“Wait- it can!?”
“…Yeah? Have- have you never been told that?” Her brow furrowed, a slight disbelief present in her voice.
“I- no??” He replied, expression one of shock.
“Oh. Well- that can happen.”
Hiccup stared at her for a few seconds. Probably the longest he’d made eye contact with her at this point- he- he had no idea. But- then again, no one had ever talked to him about it, he just had to guess most of the time.
“…But if you haven’t been like- particularly stressed then- well it could be something else. Uhhh… I dunno- you made any major lifestyle changes recently?”
He thought for a second, his frame still trembling
“…no?”
…
“Well shit.”
They both looked at each other, both deep in thought.
Ruffnut just couldn’t believe he didn’t know any of this. She’d been taught everything as soon as she started. She had all the supplies and information- she knew all the causes for things and what all the symptoms were- she knew how to track it and how to deal with it- she knew everything- her mum had always-
…and then it clicked.
Hiccup’s mum is dead.
He- she wouldn’t have-. Gods.
A sudden, awful thought crossed her mind. Was he completely uneducated…?
“Wait- do you know anything about moons bloods?”
Any joking manor or unserious thoughts she had completely left. This was now something straight from a nightmare to her.
“I- I mean- yeah?” Hiccup tilted his head, confused at her question.
“Okay- let me rephrase that- has anyone ever taught you anything about them?”
A silence filled the air. He didn’t know what to say. He’d never been directly taught anything about them. He- well he was still confused about a lot of things to do with it- but- Would she judge him?
No- no that’s ridiculous. She wouldn’t judge him.
“No. I just-… I dunno I just guess things..”
Her jaw dropped. He had never been taught anything about his own health!?
“Wait like- seriously? You- Not your dad? Or- or even Gobber???”
“I- No.” he sank into himself, his eyes unable to remove themselves from staring at the floor. Gods he felt so stupid- so vulnerable-
He regretted even asking. It was so dumb. He was so dumb- he was probably just paranoid. What was two weeks anyway? It’s not like it was always an exactly one month cycle between the bloody things. It- it did fluctuate… Thor- but it never changed so drastically- it was usually only by a few days! He was just so confused and- and scared,
“Hiccup… How the fuck have you- I don’t- fucking hell man.”
Ruffnut was horrified. He had to guess everything!? She couldn’t even imagine having to- to try and figure out what the fuck was happening to her when she hit puberty with no help.
She felt for him. So much.
“Wait so- how old were you when you started?”
“T-twelve. I think.”
“Twelve? So- you’ve gone six years having to guess?”
He nodded.
Everything. He had to figure out everything on his own. The bleeding- for- for a week straight every single month. The throbbing, excruciating cramps that could immobilise a person for days, the unending nausea that made it feel like you were being thrown around constantly- the cravings- the random aches and pains, the headaches, the mood swings, the irritability, the sensitivity, the random emotional breakdowns- everything, on his own. For six. Years.
“I don’t- I’m just-… I’m sorry. Hiccup, that’s awful. Genuinely. I have no idea how you have managed.”
“I- I’m fine. With- with that, honestly. I’ve- I’ve just got on with it. I just- I just wanna know what’s wrong with me,”
He really didn’t want to drag this out any longer than it had to be. He already didn’t want to have this conversation, let alone delve into his complete lack of an understanding on what the fuck happened to his own body every single month.
Ruffnut looked at him sympathetically. She knew the feeling.
“Right- yeah. Back to that.”
She wasn’t done with the whole ‘never been educated on his own physical and reproductive health’ thing- but she’d deal with that afterwards-
“So- you’re not unusually stressed, you haven’t made any big life changes-… uhm… I dunno… could you be pregnant?”
His face went red, his eyes immediately going wide and trying to look anywhere but her.
“W-what!? No! No. No that’s- Nooooooo. No I couldn’t- no- that’s- I- I can’t be- no. No- that’s-,”
“Alright alright! Hiccup- please just- you asked for my help. So I’m trying to help you. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward! I don’t feel awkward personally, I’m just fucking worried about you man- and- and I’m exploring options!”
Hiccup looked back to her, still profusely trembling and on the verge of getting up running away and melting into a puddle and never showing his face ever again- but he also felt so bad. She was right- he had asked for help- and- and that’s what she was trying to give him- and- and he was overreacting- she was his friend. She was trying to help. He- he just had to be honest.
“R-right- sorry- just- I- I’m scared- that’s- that's all,” He dragged a hand down his face, a tired look in his eyes.
“I know. Trust me, I really do know.”
They exchanged a sympathetic smile.
“Anyway- I’ll ask you again, could you be pregnant?”
…
…And it didn’t get any easier the second time she asked.
He winced. He visibly cringed as just the mere thought of that conversation topic swam around his head. But- if he was going to ask for help…
“I… don’t know…”
“Ahah! Possibility!” She pointed finger guns to him, quite proud of herself for getting another possible answer… and she was trying to lighten the mood.
He buried his face behind his hands, his entire face a deep shade of red. He wanted to die. Literally just die.
“When I say I don’t know I mean that there is a very slight minuscule chance that I am! This does not mean anything!!!” He couldn’t get his words out quick enough.
“YEAH YEAH. I know. I’m just weighing out options before I take you to Gothi,” she waved her hand at him, stopping him from going on his embarrassment fueled attempt to save his already crumbling privacy.
“W-what?”
“What? If we can’t figure out what it is then I’m taking you to Gothi,”
“No- Ruff I don’t need to-,”
“No. You do need to go to Gothi. If- if we can’t figure it out. Hiccup this is your own like- physical health. It’s your fucking internal organs dude- if they’re acting up then you need to go see a healer. I’ll take you tomorrow if we can’t figure it out.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. Her and Tuffnut always seemed so unserious, so uncaring. But they did care. She did care. In her own way.
“Okay, okay. I- I guess you’re right.”
“Eeeexxxactly. Anyway. What are the chances that you’re pregnant? Like- on a scale of one to ten?”
“Ruff- I- I dunno, three?” He attempted to nonchalantly answer… although he was definitely still fighting the extremely strong urge to melt into a puddle.
“Right… okay I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that you’re not gonna wanna give me details,”
“Yep.” His tone was flat. His face still red.
“Great! Don’t particularly want details, so- assuming you and Astrid- when? Like how long ago did you two last… y’know?”
Hiccup could slowly feel every ounce of dignity drip away from him. That whole puddle thing was feeling more and more real by the second.
He mumbled something, his hand covering his mouth.
“What was that?” Ruffnut asked
He once again mumbled something, this time a bit louder.
“Sorry?”
“Like three weeks ago!”
He’d finally managed to push past the ungodly amount of embarrassment he felt and blurted it out. He couldn’t even tell what he felt anymore. The mix of wanting to die but also the fear of what was legitimately wrong with him was completely and utterly foreign to him. He didn’t know that he could feel such a vast mix of emotions at once.
“See! It wasn’t that bad telling me was it?” Ruffnut chuckled, severely underestimating just how much Hiccup was actively dying on the inside right front of her.
“Mhm.” He very flatly replied.
“And, would it have been possible for you to have gotten pregnant from that… encounter?”
“Gods!” He hid his face again. He couldn’t even try to find the humour in it anymore. He was genuinely so embarrassed. Every inch of him was screaming to run the fuck away. He was so uncomfortable- so- so scared. What if he was pregnant? He- he couldn’t be a dad. That- that terrified him! And- and he was a man- people would look at him weird! But- but he probably wasn’t so- so that meant there was something else- and- everything was too much for him. He wanted to cry, he was so confused and- and he didn’t understand his own body. He was so scared. So scared.
“Hey, Hiccup?”
“W-what?” His voice was muffled by his hands.
“It’s gonna be okay man.”
“No it won’t! I can’t be a dad! And- and then even that- it’s probably not that- but- but I don’t understand myself! I never know what any of it means and- and now I’m two weeks late Ruff! Two weeks!”
She just looked at him. Nothing about this was okay to her. She was so viscerally angry for him. His own body, his own health- he was never given the correct information- or- or any information for that matter. She thought about it, deeply. She thought about how much she went though when her first moons blood came around, she couldn’t imagine what that must have been like for him. Scared, alone, uneducated.
“I know. And- I’m gonna help you. I- Hiccup I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that you have even gone this long without asking a single question. I’m- I’m morbidly impressed. I wouldn’t have been able to do that. Not a chance. You- fucking hell I mean- that’s so unfair on you. I’m so sorry dude. You deserve so much better than to just be left to figure it out on your own.”
He slightly chuckled, wiping a few tears from his eyes.
“Y-yeah,” He sniffled, letting one tear roll down his cheek. “Stupid mood swings,”
They both got a chuckle out of that one.
“Look. You don’t have to answer anymore questions if you don’t want to. But, even if we do end up coming to some sort of conclusion- you need to go to Gothi. Okay?”
“Mhm.”
He kept on wiping his eyes. He didn’t even know why he was crying. He didn’t understand
Silence fell for a minute or two. Both were consumed by their own separate thought patterns, both sharing a common theme. The room was dark, their surroundings only lit by a candle flame, trying its hardest, giving its all just to stay lit, to stay alive and keep on going, keep on burning in a world that wouldn’t give it any fuel to its fire, wouldn’t provide it with the necessary supplies it needed to stay lit. And then a small gust of wind, seemingly irrelevant to most, blew it out, leaving the room dark and empty. Scary.
They sat in the darkness, the moon’s dim glow gently brushing the room through the window.
Silence continued for a while, but was eventually broken by Ruffnut.
“Hiccup?”
She looked up at him, completely and utter seriousness on her face.
“Yeah?” He looked back up at her, that horrible, oh so awful look of defeat plastering his face.
“I… if you ever have any questions or- or you need any supplies then- then don’t hesitate to ask me, okay? You- I will answer anything. Because you deserve to know what happens to your own body dude.”
“I- thank you- Ruff- but you don’t have to do-,”
“No. I do have to. Not because I’m being forced to but because I would feel awful if I didn’t. I want to. Please- for all the shit I do that stresses you out- please let me help you through this. Because you shouldn’t have to be on your own.”
“I… Ruff-… sigh- thank you. Really- just- thank you.
“Please don’t thank me, you have a right to know.”
“Still. Thank you.
The two sat for a while. Hiccup asked questions, Ruffnut was momentarily stunned by the fact that he was so poorly educated on his own body- and then would answer, and that continued for a while, before Tuffnut eventually arrived back.
Hiccup left that hut… not great. But better than he was. He- he was still scared, and- and confused- but he wasn’t alone. He- he wasn’t alone anymore. And- and tomorrow he’d go to Gothi- with- with Ruffnut and- and he’d get his answers.
And he’d be okay. He’d figure it out.