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Nick has been acting different. Charlie has known him long enough to know when something is up, and the way he has been acting recently signals alarm bells in Charlie’s mind. He’s been quieter, Nick has always been extroverted, much more outgoing than Charlie, but recently he has been more reserved and timid. He wonders if he did something to upset him, the two of them have a level of comfort with each other that Charlie doesn’t have with anyone else, which is why this realization makes Charlie feel ill.
They have been best friends for three years, since Charlie’s first year at Leeds and Nick's second year. They met at the first LGBTQ+ soc meeting and it didn't take long for them to become close friends. Even though they come from vastly different crowds, they clicked almost immediately. Now, Charlie is at Nick’s place more than he is at his own and Charlie thinks Nick knows him better than he knows himself.
This is where he is now, they are both sitting on opposite sides of Nick's bed while they both do their respective activities; Charlie doing his coursework and Nick on his phone. Well, technically Charlie abandoned his school work and is now eyeing his best friend carefully who has been uncharacteristically quiet.
“Is something wrong?” Charlie blurts out, and Nick looks up from his phone with wide eyes.
“What?” he sputters. “No, I’m fine,”
“Don’t bullshit me,” Charlie raises an eyebrow. “You're horrible at lying, especially to me.”
Nick says nothing, he just looks sheepishly down to his hands in his lap. Charlie looks at him curiously, trying to wrack his brain for any conclusion that would make sense when suddenly it hit him.
“You fancy someone,” Charlie states. It would make sense; he has been on his phone more than normal and has been more reserved around him. More than once people have mistaken them for a couple, and Charlie would be lying if he said that speculation didn’t send his stomach into a swarm of butterflies. Sure, sometimes Nick would grab his hand when walking through a busy crowd because he knows Charlie hates big groups of people. Or he would casually throw an arm around his shoulder and pull him closer to his side when they were out with friends, but Nick’s love language has always been physical touch, which took him a while to get used to. He still sometimes has to remind himself it’s a strictly platonic gesture. So, it would make sense that Nick pulled away from him a bit if he fancies someone, not wanting to give them the wrong idea about the two of them.
“What?” Nick said again, and Charlie didn’t miss the heat that rose in his cheeks.
“You fancy someone, don’t you.” Charlie tried to go for a teasing tone but it fell flat. He didn’t need Nick to know that this realization made Charlie feel devastated. Charlie could lie to himself all he wanted, telling himself he didn’t have a thing for his best friend, but logically he knows that isn't true. How could he not like him? He was fiercely protective and equally sweet and unfairly attractive. Everyone who meets him swoons a little bit, Charlie included.
“No, I don’t,” Nick said unconvincingly.
“You do,” Charlie does his best to sound excited, plastering a wide smile on his face that he hopes looks authentic. “I could be your wingman!”
God, why did he say that? He actually wants nothing less than to help the boy he has feelings for get with someone else. But, he could put his feelings aside to be a good friend, even if he ends up breaking his own heart in the process.
“Yeah?” Nick looks taken back, eyes wide and rosy cheeks. “You would do that?”
“Of course! I’m your best friend, that's what I’m here for,” Charlie moves from where he is sitting on the other side of the bed to lay against the pillows next to him. “So, tell me about them,”
“Oh, um, well, they are in one of my lectures,” Nick sounds unsure, but Charlie ignores it.
“Okay, what else,”
“Um, they are very pretty,” he says shyly. “And very smart,”
“Okay, that’s a start,” Charlie pauses, formulating a plan in his head. Charlie is nothing if not a hopeless romantic, so it doesn't take long for the perfect idea to appear. “The winter formal!”
Nick looks at him with wide eyes and swallows thickly. “The winter formal?”
“Yeah, it's the perfect time!” Charlie nudges his shoulder with his. He doesn't understand why Nick seems so unsure about this, for someone as charming as him, it should be pretty easy. “You could ask them to the winter formal next week,” The winter formal was a party that the university students put together every winter, it’s romantic and gorgeous and could be perfect for Nick to shoot his shot.
“Oh, I don’t know…” He trails off, rubbing the back of his neck.
“I think you should go for it,” Charlie says, dropping his tone to something more earnest. “You are a wonderful guy, Nick, anyone would be lucky to be with you.” Charlie worries he crossed a line until Nick smiles that soft smile at him that makes his stomach swoop. It was the first time he smiled during their conversation, so he thinks he must have said something right. “You obviously don’t have to, but I think it could be fun. I could find someone to go with and it could be a double date!”
Charlie doesn’t necessarily want to find a date, but he thinks going with someone might be a little less painful than watching Nick with his date while he stands there alone. He guesses if worse comes to worst he could go home early with Tao and Elle, but he knows Tao would lecture him the whole night for falling for Nick, and he definitely doesn’t want that. Tao and Elle are the only people who know about his feelings, Elle thinks it’s sweet, but Tao, not so much.
Nick still looks unsure, but he nods anyway. “Yeah, that sounds great.”
___
Charlie fixes his hair in the mirror for the third time, ruffling it so it falls neatly over his forehead. He is wearing deep navy dress pants and an open suit jacket with a flowy, white silk dress shirt underneath with the top few buttons open showing his silver chain with a small leave charm on the end. He usually hates dressing up, but he must admit that he looks pretty good.
While he’s been in uni, he’s been experimenting with his style more. He wears his hair messy and long and opts for more tight-fitting clothes rather than the baggy attire he used to wear in high school. He used to hate having to wear his school uniform because it was tight and showed how skinny and bony was, but recovery has helped him gain a confidence he never knew he had.
He didn’t manage to find a date in time, but a part of him is glad by that. He doesn't need a date to have fun; he was going with his best friends and that is all he needs.
“Your hair looks amazing as it always does, Charlie,” Elle appears behind him and meets his eyes in the mirror. “Come on, we have to get going.”
Charlie, Elle, and Tao leave their apartment and make their way down the street to the hall where the formal is being held. The inside is decorated gorgeously with fairy lights and paper snowflakes strung on the ceiling, blue and white balloons all over the place, and silver streamers lining the walls.
The trio makes their way into the crowded hall and their friends immediately find them, all looking gorgeous. But, like always, his eyes gravitate toward Nick. He was wearing something similar to Charlie’s, but his suit was black, his jacket already discarded over one of the chairs.
He notices that Nick’s date isn’t with him. He wants to ask Nick if something happened and ask him if he is okay, but before he can, Nick grabs his hands with a smile and pulls him to the dance floor. Charlie decides not to bring it up, he seems to be happy, so he makes a reminder to ask him about it later.
A few drinks and a few songs later, he finds himself with his hands up high as he and Darcy scream the lyrics to ‘Tongue Tied’ by Grouplove at each other. He’s twirled by Elle and they laugh at Tao’s stiff moonwalk.
After about an hour of nonstop dancing, he pulls away from the group to find the drink table to grab a drink and chill for a few minutes. Even though he’s having fun, he is still not the biggest fan of crowds. Most of his friends are extroverts and could spend hours without a break to regroup, but Charlie always ends up taking a few breaks during nights out to step outside and get some fresh air.
He's not alone for long though, because soon Nick slides up next to him.
“Hey, you okay?” He asks, looking down at him with knit eyebrows. He's slightly sweaty, causing his already tight dress shirt to cling even tighter to his biceps and Charlie has to make a point not to let his eyes wander.
“Yeah, I’m good, just taking a minute to regroup.”
“Do you want to step outside with me for a minute?” He asks. “Or if you don’t want company I’ll wait here for you.”
Nick always seems to know exactly what Charlie needs, he has always been good at that. He is so attentive that it sometimes takes Charlie aback how much Nick remembers about him.
Charlie smiles at him. “I always want your company.”
Nick smiles back and leads them outside. Nick is one of the few people who never drains his social battery, he could spend days with him without feeling like he needs to recharge.
They make their way outside and stop under the fairy light archway that was made for the formal. The dark night is chill, but it’s a pleasant contrast to the inside which was warm with body heat. He takes a deep breath in, letting the cool air fill his lungs.
The music from inside is muffled but still audible, and Charlie makes eye contact with Nick when the starting notes to ‘Dance with Me’ by Beabadoobee sounds. This song is one of those songs that is special just for them. A few years ago, when Nick shuffled a playlist for them to listen to while doing coursework, this song came on. Charlie immediately dropped his pencil and looked at Nick excitedly, he told Nick he loved the song, it was one of his favorites. They paused their work to sit and sing the lyrics at each other and Nick tried to hit a high note but his voice cracked, Charlie thinks he had never laughed that hard in his life. Now, whenever this song comes on, no matter where they are, they stop to look at each other and share a private smile.
Nick meets his eyes instantly, his face breaks into a smile and he holds out a hand. “Want to dance?”
And who is Charlie to say no? Nick’s hands find his waist and Charlie’s arms loop around his neck. They sway to the music as Nick’s eyes bore into his and suddenly Charlie feels a little bit guilty. Nick has a date tonight, and here Charlie is ruining Nick’s chances by stealing him away outside and dancing with him.
Charlie slows their movements, but can’t bring himself to let go. “What about your date? You've spent the whole night with us, don’t you want to go find them?” Nick looks at him for a few seconds, worrying his lower lip in his mouth. “Oh, Nick did they stand you up? I’m so sorry–”
“No they didn’t stand me up,” Nick cuts him off. He’s quiet for a moment, seemingly trying to sort his thoughts. “There was never a date, Charlie.”
Charlie’s mood went from guilty, to sympathy, and now to confusion. He's having a very hard time keeping up. “What do you mean?”
“There was never a crush, I just said that so you wouldn’t catch on to the actual reason I have been weird lately,” Charlie says nothing, waiting for him to continue. “I don’t like someone else, I like you, Charlie. Like, proper, stupidly, embarrassingly in love with you.”
In love with you.
Charlie feels like someone stole all the breath from his lungs. If it wasn’t for the tight grip Nick had on his waist, he’s sure his knees would give out. “You love me?”
“God, Char,” He laughs. “So much. I’ve thought you would have caught on by now, all of our friends have, you’re the only one who hadn’t.”
Charlie shakes his head fondly, still trying to process what is going on. “So, you're telling me you made up a whole fake date story just so I wouldn’t figure out you’ve only been acting different because you fancy me?”
“Yup,” Nick smiles, deep honey eyes searching his. “For the record, I knew I liked you more than platonically since we met, but it's been so hard to keep it under wraps lately. Every time I’m with you I have to restrain myself from just blurting it out, which is why I’ve been distant, and I’m so sorry about that. So, I just needed to tell you, even if you don’t feel the same, I didn’t want to keep lying to you.”
Charlie is smiling so hard it feels like his face is going to split in two. Nick, his Nick is standing in front of him confessing his love for him. He feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest.
He realizes he's been standing here smiling like an idiot when Nick opens his mouth to speak again. But, before he can get any words out, Charlie brings two fingers up to cover his lips. “Nick,” He breaths out. “Please kiss me.”
Nick wastes no time lifting a hand off Charlie’s waist in favor of cupping his jaw, pulling him in. And suddenly, all at once, Nick’s lips are finally on his. Charlie feels like all of his nerve endings are alight, he's no longer cold from the chilly wind, he’s warm all over. ‘Dance with Me’ is still playing in the background, but Charlie can hardly hear it over the beat of his heart. He moves his head to the right to deepen the kiss, Nick takes like sweet mango chapstick and everything he has ever wanted.
He doesn’t know how long they kiss, but they eventually pull away. Nick’s lips are pretty pink and swollen when he asks, “So, I’m assuming that means you feel the same?”
Charlie giggles and lets his face fall between his neck and shoulder, Nick’s arms immediately wrap around his back and pulls him closer so there is no space between them. “Yes, you idiot.” His voice is muffled in Nick’s neck. “I’m so in love with you I, feel like I’m going insane with it. I convinced myself there was no way you felt the same,”
Nick pulls back to look at him with a smile. “You’re telling me we could have been doing this for years?”
“We better make up for lost time,” Charlie smirks before connecting their lips again.