Work Text:
[Chongyun]
I see Xingqiu from a distance, leaning on the bridge's railings looking solemn and lonely, contradictory to the bright and lively city. The lights from the city highlight his beautiful features. Why does he seem so sad? I think to myself. It’s the Lantern Rite where everyone gets together and has fun; you’re not supposed to feel sad.
I look up to the luminous sky filled with bright lanterns painted along the horizon. I always appreciate the whimsical atmosphere of the bright lanterns against the dark night. For being so delicate, the festival is surprisingly rejuvenating and loud. The bustling sounds and elegant music are the perfect backdrop to the sizzling crepes and dumplings.
I slowly approach him, taking a deep breath of harbor air to quell my fears and excitement. I’ve been preparing for this moment with Xiangling, she’s been a great help in assuaging my uneasiness and what I should say. Xiangling has been a great friend to Xingqiu and me since we were 12. She was practicing cooking to take over her father’s restaurant business, the Wanmin restaurant, and out of nowhere, she asked Xingqiu and me if we could try the food she made. Xingqiu enjoyed his food, but it was too spicy for me. When I eat anything spicy, my emotions go out of control… Xiangling compares my actions to those of a drunk adult. It’s been four years and she has improved a lot, being careful not to make food spicy for me but she and Xingqiu tricks me sometimes.
Since I’ve been planning for days, I had no time to hang out with Xingqiu. It has been busy for me as well, there have been multiple sightings of evil spirits. It’s not unusual to have more work during the Lantern Rite, a lot of people need help. I really felt bad… but I had to plan everything so nothing went wrong! Well- I was avoiding him out of embarrassment and anxiety as well…
“Hey,” I call out to him in a hushed tone, he turns towards me, his warm amber eyes meeting my blue icy eyes. I stop breathing. This time the usually warm amber eyes that make me feel safe and warm were cold. The last time I saw him was on the first day of Lantern Rite, nearly three days ago! I told him to meet me on this bridge because I had something important to tell him.
“Hi. I have something to ask you but you can go first,” his tone is cold and distant like his gaze. My excitement dissipates hearing how depressed he seems… He usually brightens up when he sees me after a stressful day at work or with family, that's something I treasure. Being the second son of the Guild Manager of the Feiyun Commerce Guild isn’t easy. I thought he was bothered by his work and family but judging by his reaction to seeing me, that isn’t the case- is it my fault?... Is the reason he appears miserable because of something I’ve done? All questions run through my head as I regather up the courage to tell him what I've been intending to say. My tongue feels thick and I can’t get the words out. I like you, that’s all I need to say but his cold hard stare prevents me.
“Um.. uh.. I..” I stutter. All the practice and work I put into this day was falling apart. I feel my cheeks heating up and I start to sweat. Tears well up in my eyes. Xingqiu gives me a confused look, waiting for me to say something. I ruined it. I failed. What’s the point anymore? These anxious thoughts are louder than the laughter of kids and the bustling market.
After a few moments of silence, I return to my senses. I gather up the courage and confess in a shaky voice, “I like… you,” I stare at the cracks of the bridge, unable to meet his eyes. I raise my head slightly and take a peek at his face. Shock and confusion are plastered on his face.
[Xingqiu]
Yeah, I know. We’re dating I want to say but just the pure shock prevents me. The anger I had towards him disappeared completely. I don’t know how to respond, what am I supposed to say without making anything awkward? Should I pretend I didn’t know and reciprocate his feelings or tell the truth? But then is it even true that we’re dating if he doesn’t know?
I start laughing which is probably not the wisest decision. I can see Chongyun’s shocked and pained face as I laugh. I grab onto the railing of the bridge to ground myself. Now everything makes so much sense. The reason why he pulled away from my affection, why he was so distant the past week, and why he was so awkward around me. He doesn't remember!
Five months ago, Chongyun and I went to Xiangling’s restaurant to have dinner and visit her after a long time. We were all too busy with work to see one another. I enjoy teasing Chongyun so I put some small, cut-up pieces of jueyun chili in his food while he was distracted. Just as I expected he lost control of his emotions and acted like a drunk adult. He became really quiet, which was unusual and he hugged me gently and whispered in my ear that he liked me, romantically. I was stunned but I reciprocated his feelings and that was the day we started ‘dating’. Xiangling was too busy tending to other customers to see what had occurred.
“Sorry, sorry. I truly didn’t mean to laugh-” I try to explain myself, but he slowly starts to back away from me while looking at me with his teary eyes, I immediately regret laughing. My smile drops. I had to act quickly or else he’d start running, and I wouldn’t be able to catch up to him and explain myself. I grab his arm before he can turn around and start running. It seems as though he’s waiting for me to explain myself but I stutter.
“Please let me go… your laugh told me all I needed to know…” he says weakly as he tries to pull his arm out of my grip. My heart aches. His teary eyes reflected the lanterns in the sky.
“Please just listen to me! I’m sorry I laughed! I didn’t mean to!” I desperately yell. He stops trying to escape from my grip. Passersby hears my frantic yell over the loud music and the bustling market. If we weren’t attracting attention previously we surely are now.
There are stares and whispers. Everyone knows we’re very close so seeing us fighting stops people in their tracks. Also, it’s rare to see me, the son of the Guild Manager of the Feiyun Commerce Guild, be so desperate and act irrationally. I don’t care about what would happen when the whispers reach my father’s ears, what matters now is to apologize clearly and assure Chongyun that I didn’t mean to laugh.
Chongyun breaks eye contact to look around and I can tell the stares and whispers are bothering him, so I drag him into a more secluded area just behind a building near the bridge. The sound of the waves becomes clearer as we hastily walk toward the area.
I turn around to face him, but he avoids making eye contact. He’s getting impatient. Usually, he is patient. I really screwed up.
“Please say what you want to say, I just want to move on from this. I’m not expecting you to reciprocate my feelings at all but why would you laugh at me? I’ve known you for four years but I never knew you would be the type of person to laugh at someone finally gathering the courage to confess their love. If you won't say anything, let me go… please…” His voice is soft and full of pain.
I nod and take a moment before starting, “It truly was a misunderstanding on my part. Laughing was in poor taste and I shouldn’t have done it, I’m sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you, rather I was laughing at myself, at my stupidity, either way, I should not have laughed,” he gives me a confused look. I continue, “You see, I’ve been under the impression that we were already dating… Five months ago, when we visited the Wanmin restaurant, I added some jueyun chilis to your food and you lost control of your emotions. While you were in that state, you quietly declared your love for me and I reciprocated those feelings. I assumed that from then on we were in a romantic relationship, thinking you remembered…” I might sound too formal but this is a very serious matter to me. My eyes are teary and I can’t stop frowning.
He’s in shock still trying to process what had been said, it’s been eons since I’ve talked formally to him. After he digests what I’ve said he blushes and replies embarrassingly, “Oh… sorry I overreacted before you could explain yourself,” he lowers his head down.
I tilt his head up by his chin with my forefinger softly so he meets my gaze, “Don’t be, your reaction was an appropriate response to my ill-mannered actions perhaps you were too considerate,” I disregard his apology. “Could we start over from when you confess so I can appropriately reciprocate your feelings?” I request.
He finally smiles, and I smile. “Certainly,” he replies as he presses his forehead against mine.