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All things considered, Eddie felt the night could’ve gone worse–way worse. Besides almost completely ruining one of his closest friends’ wedding, he felt a spark of joy now watching Chimney and Maddie exchange what he can only imagine were loving and joyous words as they sat at the head table together.
Eddie felt relief when Tommy literally flew in to save the day with Chimney in tow, looking a little worse for wear, but alive and healthy, nonetheless. There was a different, quick twist in his gut as he watched Buck rush over to Tommy, who swooped in with a kiss to his best friend. However, after that, the day–and the wedding–went on without a hitch. Chimney and Maddie committed themselves to each other eternally, as Buck stood behind Maddie with his own teary-eyed smile. Jee-Yun toddled down the aisle with flowers and rings, and Eddie smiled fondly when Buck lifted her into his arms as his sister said “I do.” He caught Buck’s eyes as the newly wedded pair shared their first kiss as husband and wife, and the same quick twist arose again in his gut, but he pushed it down before Chim and Maddie made it back down the aisle.
Now, Eddie found himself sitting at a table, empty dessert plates and a half-finished beer bottle in front of him. The DJ started playing some more upbeat tunes as they got further into the night, and Eddie just watched the people he called his family enjoy each other and dance. Eddie would join, but he thinks after the previous night–and the very interesting drunk karaoke session–that he might be all music-ed out for a while.
Being here made him reminisce on his own wedding, more than a decade ago now, to Shannon. Eddie had loved being married to her, but their wedding had been nowhere near filled with so much love as this one–neither had their marriage, to be fair. Not that Eddie ever regretted Shannon–she gave him his greatest gift, his son. Eddie knew he had made many mistakes in his life, but Christopher was never one of them, and neither was moving to Los Angeles. Not as Chris threw his head back in laughter at Buck twirling Jee in his arms. Buck beamed brighter than any star in the night sky, reaching his hand out to twirl Chris as well, who happily followed his lead.
Buck–his best friend; the best person he had ever met outside his son. He was a man who loved so fiercely, with every fiber of his being; who gave his all to those he doesn’t even know, but especially to those he does. The man who stepped up and stood by Eddie’s side to help his son, even though he had barely known Eddie for a week. The one who had been a partner to Eddie–at work and in life. And now, the man who so bravely started to discover a part of himself with so little fear and so much excitement, something that Eddie could only hope he might do someday.
For now, self-discovery could wait and Eddie could just bask in the love filtering through the room and across the dance floor where his best friend and son danced. He hadn’t noticed Maddie making her way across the yard and to his side until she cleared her throat loud enough for him to tear his eyes away from Buck, Chris, and Jee-Yun.
“You gonna join them?”
His gaze moved to Maddie’s face, which was soft and relaxed, as she too observed her brother and daughter dance with Chris. Eddie knew the feeling, he thought.
Eddie smiled, responding, “I don’t know–I’ve been told I have two left feet.”
He hadn’t spent much time with Maddie over the years outside of team events, holidays, and random times when she’d pop by Buck’s apartment while he and Chris were there hanging out. He always wished he had spent more time getting to know her–she was the one who raised Buck and made him the man he is today, and Eddie wouldn’t be able to share his gratitude enough. He allowed his gaze to move back to the dance floor as the two watched their favorite people in comfortable silence.
After another song change, Maddie spoke up, “He looks so free. More free than I think I’ve ever seen him before.” Eddie noted the tears well up in her eyes and figured it was a culmination of pride and every other emotion that came from today. She continued, “I was a little shocked when he told me he had gone on a date with a guy, but seeing him today with Tommy, with no fear, in front of our family–our parents–I just couldn’t be more proud of him.”
“Your brother is an amazing man,” commented Eddie, who could only keep his eyes away from Buck for mere seconds. “I like this side of him.” Maddie could only hum in agreement.
“This side isn’t new, I don’t think. I’ve seen it before,” said Maddie. “Whenever he’s with Chris, or you, there’s just a sense of calmness that comes over him–I could never get him to calm down or stop moving, even as a kid. But with you–God, I saw the difference when I arrived in LA 5 years ago and you had somehow managed to turn him into a responsible adult.”
That caused Eddie to chuckle warmly. “Yeah, well, as much as I’d like to take credit for that, Buck’s done so much of that on his own.”
“Yeah, he has.” Another moment passed before, “I always thought it would be you.”
Eddie’s thoughts stopped in their tracks and he whipped his head around to stare at Maddie, pulling his attention away from Buck and Chris for the first time that evening. However, when he looked at Maddie, there was no sarcasm or humor in her expression. She acted as if she hadn’t just turned Eddie’s existence on its axis.
“What do you mean?”
She shrugged, once again completely unaware of what effect her words had on him.
“I just mean that–Evan has never been one to hide his feelings. It’s always been obvious that there is something between the two of you; a connection he’s never had before. I didn’t necessarily think it was romantic in a way–honestly, until a couple of weeks ago, I truly didn’t know that Evan dating a man was an option. But even when I didn’t know that–I don’t know. It’s just–Evan gives his heart to everyone he meets, but you and Chris have always had a special piece since the moment he met you. You know–you’re Buck-and-Eddie. Inseparable, partners in more ways than just at work. You two just–it always made sense, even when nothing else did.”
Eddie allowed himself to digest those words slowly, trying to figure out exactly what that could mean. He wanted to ignore the self-discovery for the evening and continue living in ignorant bliss, but he felt that twist in his gut once again, and it was getting harder to push down.
When Eddie looked back up, Maddie’s gaze was no longer on Buck, but on him this time. There was an understanding in her eyes–like she did know how she had just rocked his world and scrambled his brain completely.
She reached across the table, gently taking Eddie’s hands in her own.
“Tommy is a great guy, Eddie–I think that’s obvious to you and me. But he will never hold a candle to you and Chris–you are irreplaceable in his life, Eddie. He would do anything for you, anytime.”
“He deserves happiness, Maddie,” admitted Eddie softly, as he tried to make sense of his racing thoughts. “He deserves someone who can be that for him now–he’s waited so long. What if–” Eddie paused, swallowing the lump in his throat before looking back to Buck. “What if I can’t give that to him right now?”
He felt Maddie squeeze his hand gently before saying, “You know, Howie told me once, about this guy who told him that tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, and how if you love someone, you should tell them.” Eddie breathed out a laugh.
“And how’d that work out for him?”
Maddie smiled fondly, “Well, it took some time, but rumor has it they’re married now.”
“Imagine that,” Eddie hummed. He squeezed Maddie’s hand back, looking one last time towards his son and Buck. “I think I’ve got one last dance in me.” He stood, releasing Maddie’s hand. “Thank you, Maddie.”
“Anytime, Eddie.”
Eddie turned and made his way to the dance floor, where Buck greeted him with a smile and cheer. Jee was back in Buck’s arms and Chris reached towards his dad for a hug, which Eddie happily returned before he started moving to the beat, earning an embarrassed whine from Chris. Eddie laughed, basking in the moment, when he caught Buck’s eyes over his son’s head. The beautiful blue in them sparkled, as his expression softened.
There was a lot to figure out for Eddie, but for the first time in a long time, Eddie allowed himself to think that, yeah, maybe it was supposed to be him.