Work Text:
The Tallies were in the car, driving to the beach. They try to ignore Joe's screams from the trunk, they decide to play their music loud to not hear that bitch complain. In the driver’s seat is Rob. He dislikes how loud the music is because he can't concentrate on driving, but he does not say anything as it helps them forget about Joe in the back. Unfortunately, Ross and Andrew were in the back of the car so they still could hear that fucker Hawley whining about how uncomfortable it was for him.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I DO NOT ENJOY LISTENING TO YOU ACTING LIKE A FIVE YEAR OLD." Ross shouted at Joe.
"I WILL SHUT UP WHEN YOU LET ME SIT IN THE CAR LIKE A NORMAL PERSON" Joe shouted back.
Andrew shoved a biscuit in Joe's mouth to get him to shut up, it works. Joe was still glaring at them but accepts the cookie, happy they finally fed him.
Finally, they arrive at the beach. Bora jumps off the top of the car and everyone except for Joe gets out of the vehicle. They forgot to let that shithead out. He tried screaming but fortunately no one heard him!
As Andrew, Ross, Rob and Zubin took the necessary things, Bora ran like a crazy bitch into the ocean.
“WATER” he shouted as he ran.
The Tallies set up their stuff at a spot they thought was ok for them. Ross put on his sunglasses and went with Andrew on a walk on the beach as Rob shouted at them to put on sunscreen. Zubin tried making a sand castle, but failed horribly and it quickly crumbled down.
“MY BEAUTIFUL CASTLE! MY HOME. IT’S GONE. CURSE THE GODS FOR THIS TRAGEDY” Zubin cried in misery as he dramatically fell down onto the warm sand.
Back in the car Joe managed to get out. He screamed at the others for leaving him, they ignored him.
“Maybe if I pretend to drown they will notice me!” He thought to himself.
And so, he ran into the ocean and jumped into the freezing water and screamed like a fucking child.
Joe started walking backwards, deeper into the ocean. At one point the ocean floor just fucking disappeared. He fell into the water and tried screaming but that resulted in his mouth filling with freezing cold and salty water.
After a while of swimming, Bora got his head out of the water to breathe because he isn’t a mermaid. He looked at the ocean and saw a familiar face. “Oh my god, Is that Joe?” He said, shocked. Bora realized Joe was drowning but didn’t do anything about it.
Bora ran out of the ocean and shouted to the others, “Hey guys look! Joe is drowning!”
They stared at the person in the ocean in awe and Andrew, who came back from the walk, took out a camera and started filming.
Joe Hawley fucking drowned. At least they recorded it.
“We should post this on Youtube!” Zubin exclaimed, tears still on his face from overreacting over a damn sand castle.
“I think he’s dead” Ross told the others.
“I call dibs on Joe’s books” Bora shouted.
They continued doing beach stuff. Zubin made another sand castle, this time succeeding!
Suddenly, they heard some weird noise coming from the ocean. Before they had time to react, Joe dramatically emerged out of the water, showing a red tail where his legs should have been.
“Holy shit” Andrew said, staring at his mermaid friend.
Joe jumped out of the water and onto the warm sand. Now out of the ocean, he started flopping around like a dying fish. It was a funny sight. One might have thought they were hallucinating. They were not, a miracle has happened and Joe unfortunately didn’t die. They stared at their now mermaid friend in amazement.
“Be not afraid, for god has thrown me back into this mortal realm to bring an important message.” Joe had announced, glowing. Before he could say anything else, Zubin threw a beach chair at Hawley. In slow motion, the mermaid fell down.
They took him and carelessly threw him in the car. When they got home, they threw Joe in a huge fish tank they conveniently had. Also, Andrew put duct tape on his mouth because he wouldn’t stop talking about god.
Ignoring the muffled screaming, Ross and Bora filled up the big container with water.
Now the Tallies got a pet fish! Isn’t that great?