Chapter 1: Fate has been cruel and order unkind
Chapter Text
She…didn’t know what to do.
The painting was obviously very old; the paint had paled somewhat, giving Luna’s coat an almost pink colour instead of purple, just as Celestia’s mane had turned white from the passing of Time. And yet, someone had taken great care in covering the masterpiece with a veil, ensuring it would survive the years to come. The slight alterations couldn’t be helped, as the painting had to be at least a thousand years old, if Celestia’s pink-turned-white mane was any indication.
But Twilight Sparkle didn’t understand. Here, under her curious eyes, three alicorns stood etched on the canvas –two of which she knew very well, even if they were a millennia younger. The third one however, standing on the right corner, was no one she knew.
The young mare had a feeling she was related to the princesses. They had the same eyes, the same ears, the same features…details easily overlooked, but which stood glaringly obvious to her scholar eyes. The alicorn had a beautiful light blue coat –maybe dark blue in reality, she couldn’t forget it had paled- and a black mane which fell softly over her eyes, and a star-shaped cutie mark, atop two crescent blue moons. Smaller than Celestia but taller than Luna, she stood regally on the side, and while the two sisters were looking at whoever had drawn their features, she on the other hand seemed to be watching over them, a look of tranquil happiness in her sapphire eyes. The three posed before the throne room in the Castle of the Sisters, she recognised the great red draperies and the red carpet. But it did not answer her question.
Just who was this alicorn? Why had she never heard of her –from books, or even from the sister themselves?
Had she passed away?
The title seemed to say so. On the frame at the bottom, an obviously distraught hoof had carved Illusions in a broken writing, barely readable through the jagged edges of the letters. Whoever she was, it spoke of a time long gone, of a happiness that had not lasted. And if she knew her history well –which she did- it had to be soon before the Nightmare Moon fiasco. If, by odds, the painting hadn’t been finished before it, then it was no wonder it had been called illusions. But still it did not tell her who it was.
Twilight felt conflicted. If Celestia had never spoken of her, surely she had a reason, right? And this painting had been hidden deep in Canterlot’s archives, far away from prying eyes; yet it had been carefully protected. It could only mean it was dear to her heart –and maybe too painful to keep it in her rooms. Could she ask without fearing the consequences, or would she reopen closed wounds? Princess Celestia has never been angry at me for researching. Surely this time won’t be different? She thought. Her curious mind now desperately wanted to know. She could not help it.
The alicorn carefully lifted the painting with her magic and turned around. She wouldn’t rest until she knew, that much was certain.
She just hoped she wouldn’t start another tragedy she wasn’t ready to face…
Celestia, for once, wasn’t in the throne room, but speaking with Luna in her office. They both noticed her before she could turn back and forget she had ever found the painting, forget there had once been another alicorn, one who, for unknown reasons, was no longer here. Celestia greeted her, but the purple alicorn didn’t pay attention, focused on both princesses. They had both known this alicorn, had both wept for her loss…because if she wasn’t here and she had never heard about her, where else could she be but gone? It was probably a sorrow they’d rather forget, a pain they did not want to remember. Twilight suddenly felt bad for digging what would undoubtedly be a sore subject for the both of them. What had she been thinking? Seeing them both, talking peacefully like the sisters they were…what right did she have to mention something they had both long moved on from?
“Twilight? Did you need something?”
Her mentor’s voice shook her out of her thoughts. She swallowed.
“I…found something…in the Archives. And…I was wondering if…maybe…you could shed some light on it? If you want to, of course, I wouldn’t disturb you otherwise…” She trailed off, as she noticed the sisters were now looking at the hidden painting. Celestia’s eyes turned melancholy, and Luna gasped.
“Is this…what I think it is, sister?” Celestia gracefully rose, her magic taking over Twilight’s and lifting the veil. The scene was revealed to the three, and the purple mare could swear she saw tears in Luna’s half-lidded eyes.
“Yes, it is…” Celestia whispered. “But Time has damaged it a bit. Let me show you what it looked like…”
The painting glowed a brilliant yellow, and Twilight recognised a restoration spell. Before her eyes, Celestia’s mane became a vivid pink, the unknown alicorn’s coat a deep blue, the draperies turned crimson red, the landscape through the window was suddenly clearer and more realistic. The light faded, and Twilight admired the new colours and fully appreciated the artist’s talent, who’d artfully frozen the scene on the canvas. It looked as though the younger Luna was going to come out of it with her sister at a moment’s notice, followed by the watchful eyes of the last protagonist.
“I had never seen it finished…” Luna breathed. “It’s so beautiful…”
The painting was gently lowered against the wall before them, and the two sisters gazed longingly at the scene. Twilight was reluctant to break what was obviously a moment of reminiscence, but…she had to know.
“So…Who is she, exactly? I’ve never heard of a fifth alicorn before…”
“She is our sister, Staria. She raises the stars every night.” Luna’s tranquil voice made her arch a brow.
“Is? She’s still around, then? Why have I never seen her –nor heard about her?”
“It’s…complicated.” Celestia admitted, a dark expression taking over her usually cheerful features. “The full story will take a while to tell, so you might as well make yourself comfortable, Twilight.”
The young mare sat on a nearby chair, tucking her tail in between her legs. She had a feeling it would be hard for the three of them –she had been right. It was a painful subject for the Princesses, as told by Luna’s misty eyes and Celestia’s far away gaze. The Sun Princess turned to her sister.
“You will have to help me for this, Luna,” she said. “I never knew her nearly as much as you did.” Luna inclined her head in agreement. The atmosphere of the very room took on a melancholy feel, an echo of time long passed, a millennia ago.
“Back when we were children, before we took the crown...”
Chapter 2: How can I have sent you away?
Notes:
Since I completely discarded whatever canon exists about Celestia's and Luna's childhood, I went with the idea that they were always destined to rule -destined to become alicorns, and they knew about it early on.
Don't expect an actual explanation, that's not what I wanted to focus on. Hope you enjoy anyway!
Chapter Text
“Rise and shine, sleepyheads! The sun is up, and so should we!”
“Tiiiaaaa…..five more minutes….” A dark purple unicorn filly whined, burying her head in her pillow. In the bed next to her, two tired blue orbs glared at the alicorn from underneath the covers.
“I got my cutie mark, Tia,” Staria growled, trying to keep her eyes open. “You lost the right to wake me up in the morning when I did.”
“I wouldn’t have to wake you if you didn’t stay up all night,” The white mare scoffed. “What’s so interesting about the night, anyway? You can’t see your own hooves in the dark.”
“The night sky is so pretty,” Luna yawned, peering up at Celestia. “Won’t you stay with us next time? The stars are really beautiful.”
“Give up, Luna.” The dark-maned alicorn magically threw the covers off her with a huff. “Tia wouldn’t miss a minute of her precious sunlight for anything in the world.”
“That’s not true!”
“Preeeeeciouuuuuusssss…..”
“Star!”
“What? You know it’s true, sister.” A playful gleam shone in her eyes, showing she wasn’t mad at Celestia, and Luna giggled in the background. The eldest of the three scowled.
“I’m giving you five minutes to get ready. After said time, I won’t be held responsible for my actions!” Staria full out laughed at her elder sister’s disgruntled expression as the door closed behind her. Once she had calmed down, she carefully peeled the covers off Luna.
“Come on,” Staria nudged her. “Let’s greet the day as we greeted the night.”
“But the sun is so harsh,” Luna whined. “Why can’t we live during the night?”
“Because, as Tia said…” She helped her brush her mane, and righted their beds. “We can’t see in the dark. And the earth is beautiful, too; without the sun, we’d never see the great falls behind the forest…we wouldn’t see the flower fields when springs come…or the purity of the freshly fallen snow. But, I’ll tell you a secret…” Luna’s ears perked up.
“What is it? What is it?” She asked, eyes sparkling. Staria smiled.
“I prefer the night, too.”
The two shared a moment of complicity. Celestia could not understand their love for the night –just as they could not understand her interest for the day. And yet, they managed to stay sisters, friends, confidents; they were close, and they wouldn’t have traded it for the world. They were young, still innocent; free of any real burden except raising the celestial bodies in the sky at the appropriate time. They all knew this time of carefree happiness would end soon, so they were trying to make it worth remembering.
The young unicorn’s eyes took on a pensive, somewhat sorrowful expression, as though something sobering had suddenly occurred to her.
“Hey, sister…” Luna asked, somewhat uncertain.
“What is it?”
Luna hesitated.
“Will you still watch the night with me, once I get my cutie mark –and we start to rule?”
Staria felt her heart clench tightly. Luna looked so sad, all of a sudden…as though she believed these happy times would come to an end as soon as they took on the role of princesses. Her very soul protested against this idea, firmly voicing her certitudes that nothing would change, but its voice had been steadily diminishing with the passing months –passing days. Though she wanted to believe it, a small voice whispered of lost laughter, of distancing love and painful responsibilities. Doubt filled her mind. Was she right? Would these privileged times disappear once they started ruling? These questions had been steadily rising in her mind for the past few months, deeply troubling her, but never before had she allowed herself to dwell on them. She did not want them to be real.
With all the strength she could muster, Staria turned to Luna with a reassuring smile.
“Of course. We may not be able to do it as often as we wish, but we’ll manage.”
Luna’s resulting smile was brighter than a thousand stars. And as she watched her sister rush outside in excitement, Staria felt her fears dissolve into nothing. There was no reason for them to change; they’d just have more duties to take care of.
Nothing would change.
Right?
Chapter 3: Into the stillness, I’ll bring you a song
Notes:
Another reminder here that I went with the idea they were already destined to rule and knew it.
Hope you enjoy!
Chapter Text
The three fillies played together in the grass. The oldest flew away from the other two, pink mane dancing in the breeze as a heavy laughter build its way past her lips. Behind her, a younger alicorn struggled to catch up with her, a small unicorn giggling on her back.
“Faster, Staria! Tia’s going to escape us!”
“I’m trying, you ungrateful brat! But I’m not nearly as used to my wings as she is!”
“So you’re weak, then?” The playful inquiry was met with a snort.
“I’m not weak. She’s stronger and more experienced, that’s all.”
“Then you’re weak.”
“Am not!”
“Are too.”
“Am. Not!”
“Then prove it and fly faster!”
Staria groaned aloud before urging her wings to beat faster and faster. There’d be hell to pay for it later, but it was really worth seeing the dumbfounded expression on Celestia’s face, and Luna’s delightful grin as they crossed the two trees that signalled the end of the race. The, “I won, Tia! The last cake is for me!” and the crestfallen expression her sister wore sent her in a fit of hysterical laughter, letting Luna tumble to the ground with a small ‘eeep!’ while she rolled over on the ground. The youngest jumped on her and tickled her to death, yelling “you did it on purpose, you meanie!” and the dark blue alicorn mockingly tickled her back, until they were both out of breath and covered in grass.
Celestia joined them a short while after, a serene and proper expression back on her face – but if one looked closely, they could still see the annoyed tick of her left eye, and traces of the pout that should have been there after losing her favourite cake. But she had grown to understand the duty she would bear soon; Celestia was slowly loosing her carefree attitude in favour of a more adult-like one, all seriousness and less fun. Such games with her had already started to become scarce. Both her sisters had wordlessly decided to try and coax her playful side back out, though Staria knew it was only a matter of time before it disappeared completely –and she followed suit. But for now, as the eldest approached them, no doubt with a slight reprimand on the tip of her tongue for getting dirty, Staria and Luna shared a look.
“On the count of three?”
“Three!”
With a battle cry, they both tackled the oldest to the ground. Celestia let out a yelp as she lost her balance, tumbling down the hill in a tangle of limbs and tickles. A fierce struggle started between the three, each side unwilling to back down until the other gave in –but Celestia was stubborn, Staria determined and Luna playful; it was unlikely it would end anytime soon. At some point during the mock fight, she gave up trying to be the responsible one –and mercilessly retaliated, magic messing manes and tails, creating knots full of twigs and patches of grass and mud. Luna lost her grip on the eldest first, falling on her back on the soft ground, trying to catch her breath. Staria followed not too long after with Celestia, leaving them laying on the grass, out of breath under the afternoon sun. They stayed in comfortable silence, the three of them, staring out at the horizon as the afternoon slowly faded into twilight. Their laughter echoed endlessly on the meadow, among playful banter and teasing. Staria really missed those days where she could forget about duty and just be with her sisters, playing like the fillies they no longer were. No one to judge them, no sun, stars or ponies to take care of –their crowning had yet to come and, with it, the full brunt of their responsibilities.
Eventually, Luna’s breathing eased, and her tired eyes closed. She was no longer a filly, not really, but she wasn’t a grown mare either; she hadn’t the same stamina.
Staria gazed over Luna’s sleeping form. She was slowly loosing her filly’s forms, growing into a mare. Soon, just like them, Luna would earn her cutie mark, her alicorn wings –and there would be even less games now. They would enter the world of ruling, and bear the duty of protecting the ponies, of taking the best decisions for their kingdom. It was a terrible responsibility, one she wasn’t sure she could handle.
“I’m afraid, Tia.” Staria confessed suddenly. “Afraid of what the future has in store for us.”
Celestia turned around to gaze at her. The eldest looked so calm and confident, so serene…as though she had no worries whatsoever. Staria wished she could more stoic like her –or have Luna’s carefree attitude.
“We’ll always be sisters no matter what, Star. We’ll always be there for each other.” She spoke with a solemnity that did not quite reassure her.
“But what if…what if we don’t get along?” She worried. “The crown isn’t a light burden. Our bond is strong, but…power just might be enough to break it.” Celestia chuckled.
“Do you want it to break, Sister?”
“Of course not!”
“Neither do I. “ Her smile was as bright as the sun. “And neither does Luna. As long as we know this, we will fight to keep this bond. And as long as we do…it won’t break.”
Staria didn’t reply, pondering over her sister’s logic. Was she right? Could they really fight to stay together, if the need arose? Looking at Luna’s peaceful face and Tia’s confident gaze, she finally felt her fears ease a bit. Yes, she thought. With these two by her side, she would stay strong, and everything would be all right. Even with the weight of the crown resting heavily on their shoulders.
Or so she had hoped, at the time. But none of them could have known of the hardships and the terrible struggles to come –the ones that would succeed in breaking their bond.
Chapter 4: Once did a pony who shone like the sun
Chapter Text
“Without further delay, dear mares, stallions, foals and fillies, I am proud to present you today the Sun Princess Celestia, the Star Princess Staria, and the Moon Princess Luna! May their rule be long and peaceful! Long live the Princesses!”
“Long live the Princesses! Long live the Princesses!”
The cry rebounded off the high walls of the throne room. The three sisters stood there, tall and regal, facing the small crowd of their allies, dignitaries, guards and such.
Luna sported a smile brighter than the sun itself, and Celestia looked radiant as ever, a content, happy smile resting on her graceful features. At long last, Equestria was united under their rule. A time of peace was coming, after all the hardships they had endured; it was finally time for them to fulfil their destinies. A time for greatness, where each one of them would shine in the best way possible, a time of bliss and fulfilment. Sure, Staria knew ruling wouldn’t be all sun and roses, but she was up to the challenge, with her sisters. Together, they were a force to be reckoned with, an unbreakable shield against the dark forces that once threatened to overrule them. Their ponies would never fear again; the three mares would make sure of that.
They lead the solemn procession towards the balcony, where the rest of their ponies anxiously awaited them. As soon as they appeared to the crowd below cheers and cries of happiness were heard, their names yelled in fervour towards the sun; the new monarchs stood, facing the endless crowd of cheering ponies, unicorns, Pegasus and earth ponies alike, careless of their differences…it was truly a sight to behold, a sight she would never forget. So many of them, assembled together only for their coronation…Had she ever seen so many ponies assembled together?
“Long live the Princesses! Long live the Princesses!”
The cry was echoed by maybe a thousand voices, young and old. Luna waved around frantically, with the energy of a young mare, whereas Celestia regally saluted the crowd, mindful of the way she appeared. Staria didn’t even know why she bothered; the eldest always looked her best no matter what. Maybe it was a matter of boosting her ego? The thought made her chuckle. It would be so like Celestia, who loved being in charge of anything –and loved the attention it got her. To each their own guilty pleasures, she thought. If Celestia likes to be adored, so be it –heaven knows we have a right to appreciate it, today. It’s our day. Let’s make the most of it
Looking at her two happy sisters, she wondered how she could have ever doubted about their abilities to overcome whatever was thrown their way. Their bond was strong.
But seeing these thousands of ponies, looking up towards them three with so much joy and confidence, entrusting them with all of their fates…
Were they really deserving of so much devotion?
She wanted to say yes, but they hadn’t really done anything to deserve it, had they? Fate had chosen them for a reason. Maybe it was a test, and they would have to prove themselves worthy of the crowns they now wore on their heads.
A gentle smile bloomed on her face. They would prove themselves. Besides, now was not the time to worry; she could think further on the matter tonight, as she raised the stars with…With Luna!
That’s right, she suddenly realised. Tonight is Luna’s first official raising of the Moon, and our first duty together as rulers of the Night. She did it for the first time yesterday…but she still has to get used to it, and I’ll be there every step of the way to help her. We’ll always have time for Night gazing, contrary to what she feared… This time she grinned and allowed herself to fully enjoy the moment, forgetting all about her previous doubts. As long as she had her sisters…everything would be fine.
Always.
The festivities lasted well into the day, that Celestia allowed to last longer than usual so the ponies could celebrate in daylight. But everyone had to eventually retire, and soon the sun had been lowered from the sky, allowing the Night to take her rightful place. In the darkness, fireworks were launched into the air in colourful sparks amidst laughter and smiles. Staria watched on with a tranquil happiness, gaze transfixed on the beautiful display before her. Her dark mane flew with the wind, gently rippling and giving her an almost other-worldly aura –one she would one day earn, but not quite yet. She observed their ponies with care and joy, keen ears and eyes waiting for the moment where they would all quieten in anticipation. Instead, she heard some shuffling behind her, and she caught sight of her sister in the dimly lit balcony. Staria smiled at her.
“It’s almost time, Sister.” She whispered, laying a gentle wing on the small alicorn’s back as she approached. “Are you ready?”
“I…” Luna hesitated. “I’m scared, Sister. What if the first time was pure luck? What if I can’t raise the Moon tonight? What will they think? I…What if I’m not as good as Celestia –as you?” Staria’s heart ached for her sister. Gone was the happiness and the pure joy from earlier, replaced by anxiousness and fear that shouldn’t be there, that shouldn’t be allowed to bring her spirits down. She carefully bumped her nose against hers.
“The Moon is part of who you are, Luna. As much as the Sun is a part of Celestia, as much as the Stars are a part of me…I don’t raise the Stars like Celestia raises the sun, so why should you do your duty like either Celestia or I do? Find your own way, Sister. Just trust your instincts.”
Luna didn’t look convinced, but she stepped forward anyway. Below, it had gone quiet; they awaited the Moon’s rising, something that definitely did not help soothing Luna’s troubled mind. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes; slowly, she reached out with her magic, away from the balcony, away from the castle, further, always further, behind the forest and the hills, behind the meadows and the fields, behind the desert, always further…below the horizon. Beads of sweat appeared on Luna’s forehead, and Staria worriedly wondered if she’d manage it at all, with how shaking she was. She almost reached out to steady her, but…Luna would be wounded. She needed to do this on her own.
On the horizon, the great white orb slowly rose above ground. Gasps of awe were heard from the ponies below, but luckily they did not seem to notice the celestial body was trembling, going slightly off-track at times during its unsteady rise in the Night sky. Luna had opened her eyes by now, watching it all with a slightly disappointed gaze. Inwardly, she wondered if she would ever be anything like her two sisters –Celestia had never trembled while raising the Sun! Why wasn’t she as good as her? Or Staria? What was she lacking! The Moon began to fall slightly with her lack of focus, and the Moon Princess immediately rectified with a panicked expression. It was so heavy! Just how did they manage to do this everyday!?
At last when the Moon hung at her rightful place in the sky, Luna heaved a sigh of relief as cheers once more erupted beneath them. She felt someone stroke her back, and she turned around to meet her sister’s proud eyes.
“You did it, Luna,” she said, embracing her. “See? You had nothing to worry ab-“
“It wasn’t good. I nearly knocked it out of the sky! I’m certain Celestia or you never-“
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Huh?”
Luna’s look of confusion made her laugh. Staria smiled and bent her head towards the youngest.
“Celestia also struggled in the beginning. The first time she raised the Sun…it was too close to the Earth, and she burned off a whole orchard.”
“Really!?”
“Yeah! And she tried to hide it from mom by repaying the ponies with our own resources, but she noticed –and Celestia was forbidden from raising the Sun until she’d learned not to be so careless with it. It took her nearly three months of sulking and acting her best to convince her. Must be the only time I ever saw her pouting.”
“Celestia? Pouting?”
“Yeah. It was hilarious! I still have the picture somewhere, if I ever need to blackmail her.”
“You’re so evil!”
“I know.”
The thought that their perfect sister could fail at anything made the youngest laugh, and the self-imposed pressure on her shoulders decreased drastically. Luna rolled over in hysterical laughter, completely forgetting about her first clumsy experience with the Moon. She laughed and laughed until she was out of breath, and later that night, she had another fit upon greeting Celestia at breakfast. Seeing the Elder’s look of utter confusion did nothing to lessen her mirth, especially when Staria refused to share the reason of her laughter, winking at her as she did so. It would remain one of her most precious memories, ever.
When her laughter finally died down, she gazed at her sister in wonder. She stood now under the sky, raising the beautiful stars one by one, until their small lights shone in perfect harmony with that of the Moon. The Alicorn looked so serene, at peace; in her element. She also noticed her sister didn’t seem to be struggling at all. Luna decided to voice her thoughts.
“You make it look so easy…isn’t it hard?” Staria glanced at her from the corner of her eyes, never stopping her job.
“The Stars are lighter than the Moon, little Moonbeam. It is different than raising the Moon; it’ll become easier with time, don’t worry. But you should go to sleep; you are exhausted.”
“Not fair,” she yawned. “It’s my duty…to stay awake…” But her eyelids were dropping, and she suddenly became aware of exactly how exhausting the process had truly been. She felt herself being picked up, and carried away to her room. Staria’s magic prepared her bed, letting her sister slip in. Luna snuggled under the covers, with a contented sigh, but reopened her eyes when she felt her sister leave her side.
Staria went back to her post by the window, her magic a white, transparent mist surrounding the top of her head. The Stars could not wait, the Night was already there. And a thousand ponies still waited to be guided by them, lost souls following the path they set in the sky towards their resting place. Luna’s tired eyes slowly closed under the watchful gaze of her sister, lulled to sleep by the gentle lullaby Staria softly hummed under her breath.
Sleep in peace now, my little one, for every time you will be down, I will be there, right by your side, lifting you up to reach the sky…
For her first day as a princess, Luna fell asleep with a smile on her face, thinking things couldn’t have gone better.
Of course, she couldn’t imagine how things would turn out in the future.
Chapter 5: Long was the shadow she cast
Notes:
Dialogue only for this one, sorry. It sets the scene for the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it anyway!
Chapter Text
“Star?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you play with me?”
“I’m busy, Luna.”
“You’re always busy.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“That’s because I have a lot of work to do.”
“Like?”
“Finishing whatever Tia didn’t manage to the day before, raising the thousands of Stars, while managing the ponies’ sleep, dealing with the different crisis while you both sleep, reading the Night Guards’ reports and overseeing the patrols, dealing with ambassadors arriving in the middle of the night –and there are quite a few, contrary to what you may believe- finding the lost ponies and guiding them back home, checking regularly on you both so you have a restful sleep, then lowering the Stars back, overseeing the transition between the Night teams and the day teams, and then somewhat making myself presentable should we have an important reunion at dawn. By that time, it’s usually morning already, and then, the last thing on my to-do list is to go to sleep.”
“…”
“…”
“…And where do Tia and I fit in that schedule?”
“You fit now, don’t you?”
“You’re not giving me your full attention.”
“Because I can’t.”
“See? Neither Tia nor I fit in your schedule.”
“I don’t fit in Tia’s schedule, either.”
“Wrong. Your sleeping time takes over whatever time she makes for you.”
“Same for you both, then. You’re sleeping when I have time.”
“You don’t have time. I wouldn’t be standing there talking to your back if you had some.”
“Another time, Luna.”
“And there you go again. Lately that’s all you seem to say, ‘another time, Luna’ and that other time never happens.”
“I-”
“I get it, you’re busy now and you can’t help it. I’ll just keep trying until you have time.”
“Luna…”
“Goodnight, Sister.”
The young mare turned tail and left the room with a quiet scoff, one that did not quite hide her disappointment.
For the first time in a long while, Staria felt like the worst being in the universe.
…
“Tia?”
“What is it?”
“Will you play with me?”
“I’m busy, Luna.”
“You’re always busy.”
“The kingdom won’t rule itself, you know.”
“Can’t you take a break?”
“I’m taking one now.”
“You’re still working.”
“I’m reading reports.”
“How is that taking a break?”
“After being in a meeting with troublesome ambassadors for three hours, Sister, reading boring reports is pure heaven.”
“…I don’t get you.”
“You’ll get it once you’re old enough.”
“I am old enough!”
“Clearly not. Don’t you have duties to do too, Luna?”
“You’re just trying to get rid of me.”
“I have another meeting in a few minutes, so you’ll have to leave soon, anyway.”
“Already!?”
“Such is the life of rulers, Luna.”
“…”
“…”
“…Had I known ruling meant forsaking your family, I’d have refused the crown.”
“Luna! I’m not-”
“You are. But I get it; the Kingdom comes first. I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.”
“Sister…”
“Goodnight, Celestia.”
She was the princess of the Sun, the great ruler of Equestria, a powerful Alicorn; she was used to being a leader, to taking the right decision and to never regret it.
But for the first time since she started ruling, Celestia felt guilty.
Chapter 6: Which fell dark upon the young sister she loved
Chapter Text
They lasted two months before Luna lost it.
The crown suited them well, and they had settled into quite the hectic routine, always managing the country and their own separate duty, somewhat still finding time to listen to their ponies’ pleas and questions; for those two months, all had gone well for the three sisters.
Well, except for one.
“I’m so bloody sick of it!”
Staria choked on her drink in surprise, regarding her sister with wide eyes. In the past few days, Luna had seemed to gain quite a few inches and finally started to look like a mare, rather than a filly; or maybe her duties had forced her to mature beyond her years. She’d matured, that was for certain, but when had she learned such foul words?
“Language, Luna,” Celestia said, sipping her tea without a care in the world. She did not seem surprised at the words. Had she heard them before? It made her suspicious.
Staria usually didn’t share breakfast with them –she stayed up all night and crashed in her bed at dawn. This morning was an exception, she’d fallen asleep maybe two hours ago, in the middle of her duties, only to wake right before dawn in a panic. She’d have to catch up tonight. And since she was already late in her duties, she’d decided she might as well catch breakfast with her sisters first.
“We barely see each other, you two are always neck-deep in your duties! And when one of you is free, the other is asleep! This cannot go on any longer!” Luna fumed, glaring daggers at her sisters. Staria cleared her throat, trying to get rid of whatever was left of her drink in her lungs. To no avail. The young mare looked at her sister.
“We can’t exactly push our duties to the side, Luna.” She tried, wanting to solve the issue peacefully. “If we don’t have time-”
“That’s because you refuse to make time, Sister. Both of you.” Luna huffed, moodily nibbling on her cake. “Star, I get it that you have many duties, and I’m grateful that you’re taking mine over until I can handle them, but if you could just make it to breakfast instead of immediately going to sleep, then we’d have time to be together! You can always go to sleep afterwards. And you, Tia, if you stopped carrying the whole kingdom on your shoulders instead of delegating, then you could have a real breakfast instead of a ten minutes break to start your day, and you’d have time for us.”
Staria barely had time to think not everyone has the luxury of doing the bare minimum like you do before Celestia directed a gentle smile at her.
“She’s right, Sister. It is not good if we don’t see each other regularly –and not as princesses only, but as sisters also. Doing otherwise will end up being detrimental to our rule, as Luna so eloquently demonstrated.” Luna refused to blush, and Staria opened her mouth and closed it again. She sighed. Of course, it would be good that they could see each other; she wanted nothing more than to spend time with her sisters again. The question was, when? She did not see where she could fit these meetings in her schedule.
“Then we’re doing this?” Luna asked, smiling brightly. “We stop scheduling royal duties until after breakfast, so this way, the first meal of the day could be when we have time together? Which means you will start your day later,” she motioned to Celestia, “and you will end your day later.” She gestured to Staria. “How does this sound?”
Once upon a time, Luna would have been jumping on her seat –but her position as a princess had made her a lot calmer. As it stood, her eyes only sparkled with eagerness and her tail twitched restlessly behind her. Staria made to voice her protests, but Celestia spoke before she could.
“I believe it is a great idea, Luna. I shall go to sleep once night has fallen, I’ll manage.”
“Then it’s settled!” Luna grinned, her eyes shining brighter than the Sun itself. The happy filly had taken the place of the moody mare. “Breakfasts will be our private time together! And no excuses to skip our sisterly-bonding time!”
Celestia readily agreed, both unconsciously dismissing Staria. The Alicorn sighed. Of course. Both of you sleep the night away, for you two it’s no burden. You’re just asking me to stay up for about seventeen hours, after having been working nonstop and alone, trying to fulfil twice the duties I have in half the time you have. I can’t possibly see how that would be a problem, she thought sarcastically. And then she blanched. They expect me to join them everyday? How will I manage staying up an hour more when I can barely stay standing at the end of the night?
Mindless chatter filled her ears as she drifted further into her thoughts, trying to find a solution. It wasn’t for lack of trying that she didn’t have time for her sisters. Her time was fully occupied, she barely had a moment to herself; she didn’t think she’d be able to make room for her sisters. But they are an important part of my life, she thought. They deserve some of my time. Even if it gets me even more exhausted than I was before.
She offered a tentative smile to her sisters, doing her best to participate in the chatter and to stay awake. Once it was over, Staria went to bed promising herself to rise earlier, so she would have time to catch up on the duties she had missed the night before –and stay up for her sisters. Maybe. She already knew she wouldn’t manage, but maybe the night after…
Chapter 7: And grew only darker as days ans nights passed
Notes:
Me? Forgetting I had this story to update? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Chapter Text
“It went completely off path. A bit like thunder. Except it wasn’t thunder, it was the Moon. You said it would get better, but it’s not! I’m tired as hell whenever I finish, to the point that I must sleep the night away! Not that I mind, because I get to spend the day with Celestia, but still! And I-”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…Sister?”
“…Zzzzz…..”
Luna sighed for maybe the hundredth time that night. She’d risen early in hope of having a chat with her sister concerning the Moon –and her difficulties- and while the elder had looked overjoyed to spend a moment with her, now she was…asleep. Dead to the world.
She hadn’t even been speaking for five minutes!
Luna felt a painful ache in her chest. Part of it was her fault, she knew. Because she couldn’t fulfil her duties yet, Staria had taken them over, and her sister’s exhaustion was proof of that. Duties were important, the kingdom was important; but was it more important than her sisters? Than their well-being? Their bond? No, it wasn’t. But it was sad to think that, for her sisters, it was. After all, why else would Staria prefer to be dropping of exhaustion by the end of the night rather than spending time with her sisters, even if she had to leave a small part of her duties unattended to for just one night? Surely the kingdom wouldn’t crumble to pieces if she did –once in a while!
But Staria obviously didn’t agree with her, and the realisation sent a painful jolt through her chest, a burning hurt that nothing seemed to soothe and erase. Her head dropped to the ground. Was it because she wasn’t good enough? Because she was too young? Did she resent her for not fulfilling her duties? Or did she just like doing them more than she liked being with her sisters? Luna was a princess, too; one of Equestria’s three rulers. By all means, she should understand what her sister thought, what she was going through. But she’d steadily been changing over the past few weeks, ever since she had taken the crown. She had become like Celestia in their younger days, back when the elder had transitioned between a playful filly and a responsible mare. Luna had heavily disliked the change, and Staria had, too. Yet, she seemed to be doing exactly the same.
She no longer had time for her. The last time they’d watched the stars together was before they were crowned. The last time they had played together, even before that. She did not want to lose Staria like she had lost Celestia; they’d done their best to still coax the elder out to play with them, but eventually she’d stopped, said she was too old for these games. She’d already lost a sister, and she was about to lose another.
But what what could she do alone? Back then, it was Staria who had reassured her at night, Staria who had yelled at Celestia for abandoning them, Staria who had thought of ways to get the playful Celestia back. Without her, Luna didn’t know if she could do for her sister what Staria had done for Celestia. She wasn’t as strong as she was. But she would try, at least. Celestia was still there, after all; she had changed, but she was still her sister.
The young alicorn gazed longingly at her sister, gently putting the elder in bed. In her exhaustion, she had fallen asleep against the wall, it had to be uncomfortable. Staria emitted a soft sigh as she was lowered on the mattress, immediately snuggling under the covers. The display reminded the youngest of the nights they’d spend cuddling in the same bed when the thunder scared her as a filly. She realised grimly that her sister wouldn’t even wake anymore if she were to seek the protective embrace of her hooves.
Heavy disappointment settled in her chest. Her sister was never there for her anymore.
In the dead of the Night, faced with her sister’s unconscious form, Luna felt more alone now than ever.
Chapter 8: Others did not give her sister her due
Chapter Text
“I’m so sorry, Luna.”
The young Alicorn only regarded her with a sad, resigned gaze.
“You promised you’d try, Star.”
“I did! But staying up all night is far from-”
“Tia and I stay up all day. What difference is there?”
“I-”
She fell silent. How could she explain to her that it was harder to sleep during the day, when there was so much light, so much noise outside? That people kept knocking on her door to ask her something, resulting in her never getting more than three hours of straight rest? Luna wasn’t in the mood to understand. Staria offered her a tentative smile.
“How about I help you tonight with the Moon? I know you’ve been struggling, and I can-”
“You said it yourself, the Moon and the Stars are different…you can’t understand what I’m going through, Sister, though I appreciate your attempt to help. It’s, it’s just…” Luna paused, and her sister was suddenly overcome with dread. Her aquamarine eyes shone with a deep sadness, one she was directly responsible for. Her heart ached for her sister, wishing she could just soothe her mind, erase her suffering. She might have been the Star Princess, the ruler of Equestria, one of the Three Alicorns, the most powerful beings in the universe…but faced with her sister’s unbearable sorrow, which she was directly responsible of, she was at a loss. At the end of the day, beneath their titles and their powers, they were still just ponies. No magic in the world would ever change that, could ever ease the pain that came from missing someone or being lonely. Nothing could but the love of the ponies they cared about.
And she was failing spectacularly at that.
“It just feels like…like I don’t know you anymore. You’re busy, we all are…but why can Tia and I make time for each other, but you can’t? Raising the Stars can’t be harder than raising the Sun –or the Moon, once I figure it out.”
“Luna-” The younger sibling turned away.
“You’re lucky. Your task isn’t nearly as taxing as mine.”
“Sister, I-” Luna shook her head, cutting her off.
“I’m going to sleep. I’ll figure it out on my own. Goodnight.”
The door closed gently behind her sister’s slender form, but it echoed in Staria’s mind as though she’d slammed it. She’d tried, she really had; but she always ended up passing out in her bed, never having the strength to drag herself from her room to breakfast. She just couldn’t.
Now, her sister was drifting away from her.
And she couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
Chapter 9: And neither had she loved her as she deserved
Notes:
Hi there.
Brace yourselves for a little heartbreak :)
Chapter Text
Knowing Luna would no longer come to her was a hard blow in itself. But discovering she had gone to their sister instead felt like a dagger piercing her heart.
“It’s so hard, Sister…”
“Don’t worry, Luna. You’ll get used to it.”
“I’m supposed to do it every night…I’m so tired. How do you even do it, Tia?”
“Practice makes it easier. Just trust me, little Moonbeam.”
Luna merely let her head rest on her sister’s shoulder. It had taken everything she had to ask Celestia for advice –she couldn’t remember the last time they had had a true sisterly conversation. Being the eldest, Celestia had matured before any of them, and the resulting gap had deeply affected both her and Staria –but she was just beginning to understand that, though she had stopped playing with them, she was still her sister. And she would always be there for her no matter what.
The same applied to Staria too, but right now, it hurt the small filly to think about her. Their bond had always been deeper than hers and Celestia’s…she was still in the process of mourning the loss of her playful sister, her partner in crime. It would take her time to accept. In the same time, she would rediscover her elder sister, and asking for her help with the Moon was the best way to go. Staria did not have time for her anyway, and raising the Stars was vastly different from raising the Moon, whereas the Sun was quite similar. She couldn’t deny it.
Besides, spending the day outside, watching over their ponies, being recognised by them…it was an experience she wouldn’t quite forget. She understood why her sister enjoyed basking in their attention so much; it was so…breathtaking. Being revered, adored and respected…They deserved it, after all. All three of them. But was it worth the distance slowly increasing between them three? Was it worth the strange seriousness that had taken over both Celestia and Staria? She knew it was called ‘growing up’, but…it wasn’t fun. Luna understood, of course. Rulers were responsible for the kingdom, for the ponies’ well-being; they did not have time to play. But to live for others without living for themselves…She wasn’t quite ready to take that step, and a part of her wished they had never taken the crown.
Her young mind still had trouble understanding everything, even if ruling had definitely made her grow up. It would take many years before she fully understood everything, from the responsibilities ruling entailed to the changes all of them were experiencing. But for now, she was just a very young mare who desperately needed to sleep after yet another attempt at rising the Moon correctly. Her eyes slowly shut and she gave in to sleep, under the watchful eyes of her sisters –one gently stroking her mane while looking at the window, the other secretly observing, heartbroken, how she had spectacularly failed as a sister.
Once upon a time, Luna would have come to her for advice. They’d have discussed the soothing beauty of the Night sky, and talk endlessly until morning. But now…now, she went to Celestia for that. She raised the Moon and then slept like a normal pony to be with Celestia the next day, leaving Staria alone to watch over the ponies’ sleep. The middle sister viciously tried to wipe her jealousy away, to no avail. Was it so wrong that she missed her sisters? That she felt left out, left behind? The young mare turned away from Celestia’s room with a defeated sigh. She’d come first to Luna’s room, and when she hadn’t found her, she’d come to Celestia’s –if only to ask if she knew where their sister was. A part of her wished she hadn’t come.
She had known, of course. She had known that Luna was steadily growing closer to Celestia. And she should have been glad they were getting close. But it was happening at the cost of the complicity they once shared. One sister for another, and obviously she wasn’t the better one. Maybe she was exaggerating, she thought. Maybe Luna just wanted to get closer to Celestia but without leaving her. After all, raising the Moon wasn’t so different from raising the Sun; wasn’t it normal that she sought Celestia out and not her? It did not change anything. They’d still have their night-gazing nights, they would still be together. The bonds would only strengthen between the three of them. Even if she didn’t see them as much as they saw each other. Even if nothing could silence the small voice of doubt whispering in her mind that this was only the beginning.
She’d tried so hard to stay awake until dawn…to raise and lower the stars faster so she would have time to join her sisters this time. But when she stumbled upon the two so engrossed in their conversation that they didn’t even feel her presence, and looking so at ease with each other…Staria felt it wouldn’t be right to disturb them. This moment was theirs, and she didn’t belong. It was a truth that hurt more than she was willing to admit. And she was honest with herself…she didn’t even know how to cut in anymore. She felt like a stranger, watching a group of friends from afar and wondering how she’d be received if she joined in. She was an outsider, not daring to enter the other world. But they were sisters, damnit! They belonged in the same world! Just what was wrong with her…? Why was she so reluctant…?
The answer lied in what she could not accept: that she didn’t know her sisters as well as she used to. Being up all night, she barely ever saw Celestia anymore, and since Luna had decided to sleep the night away…She couldn’t even remember the last time she truly last talked to either of them. And she was too much of a coward to dare stepping in, fearing she’d intrude on something sacred that she wasn’t meant to be a part of. Maybe, back then, if only she’d fought for it…maybe this would have been avoided.
But as it stood, Staria merely crushed her rising agony and told herself that things weren’t as bad as she made them out to be. She had to be positive. But there was one thing she couldn’t deny.
There was a time where she was close to her sisters. But that time was long gone.
Chapter 10: She watched as her sister's unhappiness grew
Notes:
Hey!
This chapter is one of the turning points, although it may not be obvious. Luna loses one of the thing she loved most, and now that Staria finally has time and strength to be with her sisters, she's the only one who wants to be. Poor sisters. And where's Celestia in all of this? Drowning in her duties, of course!
Chapter Text
Staria did her best to act as she always did, to accept her sisters’ newfound closeness –and, consequently, her growing distance with Luna. She was a firm believer that, if something could not be changed, then there was no point in mulling over it eternally. Besides, a small part of it knew everything would get better as soon as Luna got the hang of her duties –as soon as she could take care of it, and lighten Star’s burden. They would have more time once it happened, this much was certain; Tia was the workaholic one, not her.
But Luna had taken a liking to the day, to being in the spotlight with their sister. And she looked so happy about it, too…Staria felt guilty for wanting to strip her sister of such joy. If Luna assumed the entirety of her duties, then she would no longer have time with Tia. She’d no longer be out of the Sun, would no longer be with their ponies…Could she handle it? Could she deal with the same burden she’d been carrying for the past few months now? Only one way to know. Besides it was bound to happen, and she believed Luna was ready. No point in delaying the unavoidable.
Staria blinked once, twice, until everything came into focus again. Lately, her sight had started to turn blurry before the end of the night –and each time it happened a little sooner. Rising with the moon was becoming harder and harder, especially with the arrival of winter. The Nights lasted longer, and she couldn’t handle it.
Reluctantly, she acknowledged that she worked too much. Luna had yelled at Celestia for not delegating, but she was doing exactly the same, and she could not go on. I’m working too much. I wanted to spare Luna a bit longer, but…there’s no escaping it. I can’t fulfil both my duties and hers forever.
Unable to take any real joy in the conclusion, Staria lowered the last stars from the sky and went to do the last of her duties for the Night. She’d catch Luna as soon as she raised the Moon. The youngest knew Staria would not fulfil her duties forever, of course; but accepting her duties meant giving up on the life she’d started to love by Celestia’s side.
The next night, Luna fulfilled all of her duties for the first time since she took the crown.
And yet, it changed little to nothing. At night, Luna now locked herself in her room, lost in their ponies’ dreams as though she valued them more than she did reality –and perhaps she did. Because, with her newly acquired duties, she now slept while the rest of the castle lived, and she could no longer see their ponies –could no longer appreciate the reverence and admiration they had for her. What is far from the eyes often grows far from the heart as well; Luna became moody and reserved, keeping to herself instead of going to her sisters –whom she no longer had time to see, or barely. She now understood how Staria felt each night –exhausted to the bone, unable to keep her eyes open until the end of breakfast, utterly alone- and she also realized none of them could actually take the time to be together, be it at dawn or at twilight. Some nights, Staria managed to catch a few words with her, making desperate small talks in an attempt to stay close to her, and the small smile and softening features she’d get in answer were enough to keep her going. She joked a bit sometimes, her sarcastic character awakening for a short while, even if she never actually managed to make her laugh anymore. And when, for once, she felt well enough to catch breakfast with her sisters –she’d discovered a nasty surprise.
“Guard?”
“Your Highness?”
“Where are Celestia and Luna? Weren’t we supposed to take breakfast together?”
“I apologise your Highness, but Princess Celestia stopped taking her breakfasts here a while ago. She has them in her office. And Princess Luna usually doesn’t take breakfast.” So Celestia always ends up alone, she thought, her heart twisting painfully in her chest. What’s the point of having breakfast together if we’re never there. But still, despite the sorrow she felt at knowing they wouldn’t take breakfast together anymore, in front of the guard, she kept her composure. She was a princess. She couldn’t show any weakness.
“…I see.”
“Should I fetch them for you, Princess?”
“It won’t be necessary. I shall return to my duties, now.”
Alone in her room, Staria wondered. Was Luna only going through a phase, which wouldn’t last? But how would she grow out of it –if neither of her sisters had time for her? What would happen to them if they no longer had time?
Time.
How ironical that, despite ruling over the very forces that ruled the passing of time, they desperately didn’t have enough.
Chapter 11: But such is the way of the limelight
Notes:
Sooo...I am bad at keeping track of when I post, but then again, what else is new?
Note that the heartbreak is only going to be progressively worse from here on.
Chapter Text
“Happy Summer solstice!”
“Hurray!”
Dawn rose in the sky, the first dawn of summer. Below them, the ponies laughed and sang as the night faded away, leaving the palace and the whole city glowing in a glorious light. Celestia chatted away with a couple of nobles, laughing and smiling as she went, while Staria and Luna both tried their best to look awake –and happy. But as everyone tried to catch the Sun princess’ attention, they both decided to call it a night –er, a day, rather, or something- to find a much deserved sleep after all the last time preparation they had to do for the solstice.
Solstice they would barely enjoy, as it seemed.
“I just don’t get it.” Staria turned to her sister. Luna was looking at the crowd below, a heavy frown marring her beautiful features. It had been a long, long time since her sister last openly spoke with her. And while she wanted nothing but to rejoice for this unexpected but pleasant surprise, she could not shake the unease she now felt whenever she was in her sisters’ presence. But, nevertheless, the older mare approached her.
“What is it, Sister?”
“Why is it that we celebrate the day,” and she gestured at the bright sky above, before facing her sister, “but never the night?” Staria smiled mischievously, a tiny part of herself, broken and discarded a long time ago, timidly flared to life again.
“Oh, because we love what makes us trip and fall like the fools we are...”
But only silence answered her. Luna’s gaze stayed resolutely fixed on the dispersing crowd below, fading away to their homes with the fading sun. Soon, they would let the night fall –and their ponies would hide from its peaceful embrace in their houses, waiting for the new day. A fact Luna could not help but mull over in her head, and wonder why, why, why. Staria’s smile vanished upon seeing her face. Luna did not laugh; she did not even turn around to face her. She should not have been surprised; Luna’s laugh had become even more rarely seen than the crystal empire itself, and that was saying something.
“…Luna?” She suddenly realised her sister was really looking for an answer –desperately needed one, perhaps for a while now. And where had she been to give her one, to appease the growing pain in her eyes?
Staria felt her heart break a little. How could Luna ask herself such a thing?
“We do celebrate the night too, Luna,” she said, attempting to pacify her. “The summer solstice celebrates both.” But Luna only shook her head.
“No, it doesn’t. Our ponies only wait anxiously for the sun to rise. They don’t care about the night, they just want it to end.” Luna turned away from her, a heavy frown on her features.
“That’s not true, sister. I can assure you the ponies love our night just as much as they love the day.”
“Then why do they sleep as soon as it falls?” There was no real anger in her voice, merely frustration, confusion, and…and something else Staria did not quite recognise.
Something darker, that she vowed to extinguish before it could progress further.
“Everyone needs to sleep. The night is gentler, calmer than the day; it is suited for rest and sleep, whereas the sun is made for noises and activities. Besides, we can’t see in the dark. Can you imagine what it would be to work in the fields, or anywhere, when you can’t see what you’re doing with your own hooves? You’d fall on your own head because you can’t see anything.” It was a tentative try at humour, one she’d hope would bring a smile to her face and make her forget about her insecurity –but no such luck.
“You work at night, and sleep during the day. Can’t they light up lanterns and such?” Now that was downright ridiculous.
“The amount needed would be far too big, Luna. And far too costly.”
“Then the night is made to be unknown and feared?” Luna asked –and Staria could see tears shimmering in her eyes. “Will no one ever know the quiet beauty of the night –and its softer light? Why are there even princesses of the Night if we’re not celebrated?”
Staria’s heart broke a bit more with each word. Truthfully, she’d often asked herself the same question…without really finding an answer. But, deep down, she knew the night was as valued as the day –that the night’s light wasn’t the lesser light. This conviction stemmed from her instincts, her own feelings; she could not explain it. So how could she make Luna understand?
“Of course not, Luna. Day and Night are the two faces of the same coin. Without one, the other disappear.”
“Then we’re just that? Just a stepping stone for the sun?”
“No. Our ponies celebrate us as much as they celebrate Celestia. It’s just more discreet.”
“But Why? I just don’t get it.” Staria kneeled beside her.
“Because it is the very nature of the Night, Sister. And so it is ours. We cannot stand in the spotlight like Celestia does.” Luna’s head dropped a few inches.
“So we cannot rule as she does…or be loved as she is…”
“They love us too, Luna, but they can’t be awake all the time. Is it so strange that their love for the day is much more obvious –as it is when they truly live?”
An uncomfortable silence stretched between the two. The words felt bitter on her tongue, as though she’d just crushed Luna’s hopes –instead of speaking the truth. It was true, wasn’t it? The day was more important to them than the night –they just slept, and while it was necessary, it was not living. It had to be this way, right?
Right?
“…I don’t like it.” Luna whispered, looking away. Staria gently rose from the bed to stand by her side, nuzzling her cheek.
“You don’t have to. As long as you and I know the true beauty of the night, then we’ll be alright.” Staria smiled at her, but Luna did not look up.
“Yeah…maybe…” Staria’s smile disappeared. What was wrong?
“…Luna?” Still her sister did not look at her. Instead, she focused her sorrow-filled eyes towards the Moon, shining softly over the sleeping land. She closed her eyes.
“It may be so, but…” Staria was filled with dread. Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it…
“…but?” The youngest alicorn turned to her sister, eyes shining bright through the tears that did not quite want to fall.
“….But I still wish things were different, that’s all.”
Luna slipped away from her, ears hung low and tail brushing the ground. The door closed quietly behind her, and she realised her words hadn’t been enough to reassure her, to comfort her. Once, she’d have taken time to think and take her words as the truth, as something worth acknowledging and understanding. Suddenly she was forced to acknowledge a painful truth, one she’d ignored for so long.
When had her words stopped ringing true?
Chapter 12: It sweetly takes hold of the mind of its host
Notes:
Quick note : there is an OC in this chapter who has a minor role and won't appear again.
Hope you enjoy!
Chapter Text
Staria yawned. It was the middle of the day, but she couldn’t sleep. A king from some neighbouring country had arrived yesterday, and she guessed there would be a meeting with them soon, to discuss politics and all.
The thing was, she had no idea when it would be.
Since Luna was absolutely dead after last night, as usual, she figured she’d ask Celestia for the hour and then rouse Luna from her restful sleep once it was time to go. The negotiations had been going on for the past few weeks, but since Tia had handled everything, she didn’t exactly know the details. Maybe she could catch up before the mee-
“…gardens. We attach a great value to the Earth ponies’ hard work, and these gardens are a testimony to their skilful abilities.”
-ting. What?
“As you can see, Equestria is a very resourceful land. We produce more than we need each year, though our gemstone production isn't quite as productive. The trade would be greatly beneficial to both of our countries.”
Staria’s jaw dropped.
There, right in front of her, through the open doors of the council rooms –it was the middle of summer, after all- she could see Celestia, with the king she’d mentioned earlier.
In the middle of a meeting.
Without either Luna or her.
What in Equestria’s going on?
She approached the room, trying to understand. Maybe she was just answering a few questions? She couldn’t hold a meeting without them both, it would have no sense. As the three rulers of Equestria, they had to take such big decisions together –Celestia couldn’t take them alone without at least speaking with them about it, right? She heard chairs being pulled back, and she relaxed some. If it was already over, then surely it couldn’t have been the meeting about the trade; it would have taken much long-
“I look forward to our first trade then, your majesty.”
-ger. Oh, no…
A tall, dark red-maned pony came out, wearing a great crown of polished gold, and found himself nose to nose with her. Staria opened her mouth to greet him –King Stoneweave, of Western Equestria- but he beat her to it.
“I apologize miss, I hadn’t seen you.” She started at his words, but politeness came first.
“It’s alright, I wasn’t looking either.” Celestia came out, in all her regal glory. Staria suddenly felt underdressed –well, she wasn’t dressed at all, but still- next to Celestia’s magnificent pastel gown.
“My guards will escort you. Have a safe travel.”
The royal pony and his escort left the two sisters alone, and Staria finally became aware of her gaping jaw. Miss? Who's he calling Miss? Wait, did he not recognise me? But how could he not? Unless... She coughed a bit.
“Celestia,” she began warily, “that was King Stoneweave, was it not?”
“Didn’t you recognise him? Yes, it was.”
“Aaaaannnnnd…what were you doing?”
“We were discussing the trades between our countries. I told you yesterday.”
“We were supposed to be here, Luna and I!” She exclaimed, glaring at the Sun princess.
“I thought he would feel more comfortable discussing with one ruler instead of three. It can be quite intimidating, you know, Sister?”
“You could have told us before –and asked our opinion! Besides, he did not even recognise me, Tia!”
“The idea of three rulers is quite foreign to them. They must be at ease if we want to trade with them.”
“So you just…pretended we did not exist?”
“It’s not a big deal, Sister, it’s just trades. But now that you’re up, there’s something I wanted to discuss with you. You know, the autumn equinox is coming up, and-“
Staria tuned her out, leaving the older alicorn to walk ahead. To Celestia it might have been nothing, but to her…If she didn’t know her sister, then she’d say she was trying to become Equestria’s sole ruler, and cast them both out of the picture. But as it was, Celestia probably just did not think it would hurt them, nor did she thought it important enough to rouse them from their needed sleep. Now that she thought about it, there were many things Celestia did on her own, because Luna and her couldn’t be woken. Speaking of which-
“…What in Equestria just happened?”
Staria whirled around.
“Luna?”
“We should have been there, right?" the younger alicorn asked, a heavy frown on her face. "As the three rulers? So why did Tia handle it alone?”
Staria did not know what to do. What could she say? They had both seen the evidence of Tia’s pride. But was it really pride, or just misplaced concern for the kingdom? Who could answer this?
“It’s just trades, so…we weren’t needed?” Luna did not look half convinced by her reply, and truthfully, neither did Staria.
The youngest looked mildly irritated.
“It’s not the first time it has happened…I’m tired of Tia hugging all attention to herself. I’m going to give her a piece of my mind. Are you coming?”
Luna gazed at her intently, and the eldest felt herself shrink under her piercing gaze.
“Luna…it’s just trades…it’s nothing…” Luna snorted.
“Who are you trying to convince? Fine. Don’t come crying when Celestia no longer remembers you exist.”
Staria sweatdropped as her sister caught up with the eldest. That’s a bit exaggerating, Luna, she thought nervously. There's not a chance in hell Tia would forget about us, we're her sisters. Perhaps it is really no big deal, then, and you’re just overreacting. After all, what does it matter if Stoneweave doesn’t know who we are, since he’ll always be meeting with Celestia?
He’ll always be meeting with Celestia.
Like every single other king and Queen who had ever signed a treaty with Equestria.
The knowledge made her die a little inside.
Chapter 13: And that foolish pony did nothing to stop
Notes:
Timeskip ahead.
Chapter inspired by the song The Cost of the Crown by Shandeen O'Neill
Chapter Text
Weeks turned into months and months turned into years.
Luna grew into a beautiful, confident mare, fulfilling her duties with ease and grace, and greatly lightening Staria’s burden. The three of them slowly grew with the years, watching as time changed and aged their ponies, but never changed them. Nothing could ease the pain of losing their loved ones, though they learned to deal with the pain each in their own way. Luna found a refuge in their ponies’ dreams, helping them find peace and protecting them from harm; Celestia buried herself in ruling Equestria, taking on her shoulders as many duties as she could as to both spare her sisters and always staying busy. As for Staria, she found solace in solitude, in gazing at the midnight sky while recalling her fondest memories of the departed. The pain eventually lessened and the wounds closed somewhat, but the time it took created a distance between them, stronger than even before, and suddenly their priorities just weren’t the same anymore.
Where before they had tried to spend always some time together, suddenly the kingdom took precedence, even for Luna, who’d fought so hard for them to stay close through ruling the kingdom. All three of them grew isolated in their own ways, not seeing the others as much as they once did; and though they’d do anything to protect each other, the complicity of the past, which had steadily started disappearing as they each grew absorbed with their own duties, wasn’t quite there anymore.
And through this distance, the lack of communication and time, what once was a perfect harmony between the three rulers slowly began to shift into something darker, shakier –and bound to fail.
…
“Yet another thing you didn’t ask our opinion about, Sister.”
“It’s just a painting, Luna. Smile for the artist.”
“Are you commanding me to smile?”
“Luna…”
“Fine.”
…
Thinking back on it, Staria guessed she should have seen it coming.
Celestia had always been a born leader, taking a strange pleasure in leading and having others depend on her. She had noticed it when they were fillies, but she had never thought it would go so far.
She was completely forgetting them!
“Does she even realise what she’s doing?” Luna hissed by her side. There was a time where Staria would have reprimanded Luna for her tone, taken Celestia’s defence, explain everything to her –but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not when she was half a mind away from giving the white alicorn a piece of her mind.
Watching Celestia bask so serenely in their ponies’ adoration as though she was their sole ruler made her want to break something. It just negated both of their existence, negated their duties, their roles –everything they were. Her own sense of self had been shaken enough when Luna slowly drifted away from her to be with Celestia; she did not need another blow to her already shattered ego. Somewhere deep down, she knew Celestia wasn’t doing it on purpose; she just loved the attention a tad too much, she probably didn’t even realise how it made both of her sisters feel.
On that note, the problem had to be easy to solve. Her sister wouldn’t hurt them both just for glory, her mind assured her. If they voiced their feelings on the matter, they could come to an agreement. She did not doubt it, and it eased her the slightest bit.
“We’ll talk to her, Luna,” she said after a short silence. “I’m pretty sure she doesn’t realize.”
“Oh, really?” Luna answered sarcastically. “It does look like she’s fully aware of what she’s doing to me.” Staria sighed.
“If we want to solve this issue, Sister, please hold your tongue. We will achieve nothing if you antagonise her.”
Luna scoffed, but thankfully kept quiet. She was angry, that much she could understand, but it was nothing that could not be cooled down. What worried her was that Luna had always been the type to hold a grudge –she hoped her sister wouldn’t hold it against Celestia. Though these two had gotten a lot closer after Luna got her cutie mark and wings –somewhat sharing the same duty and all- there were still sore subjects between them. One of them being hugging all the attention to herself. Their mother had always spent more time with Celestia, being the eldest and thus responsible for them three, something Luna had never quite accepted as a filly, and this insecurity reared its ugly head whenever one of her sister got too much attention. But this time, Staria couldn’t exactly blame her.
It was no secret to them that Celestia just loved basking in their ponies’ attention, often forgetting she wasn’t Equestria’s only ruler. True, she had taken up most of the crown’s duties and appeared in public a lot more than the two of them, who preferred the peacefulness of the night to the enthusiastic chatter of the day. The natural result of this being that the ponies knew and trusted the Sun princess much more than the Moon and Star princesses, and they felt left out.
The heavy doors to the throne room slammed shut behind the last ponies. Celestia closed her eyes and stretched with a content sigh, before slowly going down the few steps which raised the throne above the ground. And once her hooves safely touched the beautiful purple carpet in the middle of the chamber –she noticed her sisters’ presence.
“Star, Luna,” she said, surprised. “Did you need something? I didn’t see either of you.”
“No, really?” Luna muttered under her breath, though Celestia didn’t hear her. Staria gave her a warning glance, before turning to the Sun princess.
“Actually, sister, we wanted to speak with you.”
“Really? What is it?”
“Well…It’s just that…How should I put it…” She fumbled with her words, unsure as to how she could straight out tell Celestia that she was taking credit for everything they did together.
“You’re always out there, speaking to our ponies, and we…they don’t know us. They know and they trust you, but not us, because…” Luna’s aura was slowly darkening with each passing second, and Staria feared what would happen if she didn’t neutralize the living bomb. Quickly.
“It feels as though you’re the sole ruler of Equestria, Tia. Our ponies are assuming you do everything while we just raise the Stars and the Moon.” Celestia arched a brow.
“What are you talking about? We’re the three rulers of Equestria. They know this.” Staria shook her head ruefully.
“You’re holding precedence over us. I know you don’t do it on purpose, but-”
“I’m not, Staria. You both feel insecure and I understand that, but you don’t have to worry. Our ponies know Luna raises the Moon and you raise the Stars, so you don’t have to-”
“Are you kidding me?”
Both sisters turned to the youngest. Luna glared at Celestia with the coldest expression they’d ever seen on her face.
“Are you so self-centred that you don’t even see the problem? The ponies don’t give a damn about us, because all they see is you! We’re just background figures with little to no meaning, little to no importance!”
“Sister-”
“But you don’t care, do you? As long as you can bask in the glory of our kingdom alone, you couldn’t care less if they shunned the Night, because you deem it less important than the day, and they follow you on this judgement!”
“Luna, you’re not-”
“I AM! They don’t see me, Tia! They only see you! But you don’t understand, do you? You don’t know what it’s like and you never will. Coming here was a complete waste of time.”
Luna whirled around and marched out of the room, slamming the door as she went. Celestia did not even flinch at the loud sound. The oldest of the three merely shook her head, sighing. Luna had always been the most temperamental of them –or maybe it was because she was the youngest. She wasn’t as mature as they were; her cutie mark was still fairly recent compared to them both. They could not expect the same dedication, the same strength from her that they both had. The Sun princess turned to her sister, completely missing her misty eyes and shaking limbs. Her dark mane hid it all, and Celestia had always been slightly oblivious to others’ feelings. A flaw she had never quite managed to correct, even with several years of ruling under her belt. A flaw that would eventually be their downfall.
Celestia was oblivious, Luna was resentful, and Staria was powerless to stop it all.
Celestia sighed.
“I hope she will not sulk all day, she can’t miss the ball tonight.” She made to leave, and Staria stiffened.
“Tia,” She started uneasily, “You can’t just dismiss us like that.”
“She’ll come around eventually, Star. Don’t worry about her. She’s younger, so she doesn’t understand the true weight of the crown yet, but it will come.” Staria did not answer, and the pink-maned alicorn merely brushed her nose against hers, wishing her a good day before leaving the throne room. Staria stayed behind, and the tears she’d been holding back slowly rolled down her cheeks, falling to the ground with a softness that did not match the bitterness in her soul.
Both Luna and she had come to Celestia, because they both felt wronged by the elder. Both of them had decided to attend the issue, because both of them were victims of Celestia’s way of ruling. But in the end…
In the end, Luna had unknowingly pushed her out of the picture. As though she did not matter. As though she wasn’t affected by this. And Celestia hadn’t understood it, either. Were they both blind? Selfish? Or just oblivious? Was she so easily forgettable? Celestia and Luna had grown closer due to the similarities between their powers, the Moon and the Sun. The greatest celestial beings in the universe; who was she, with her meagre stars, to compare to the both of them? It had started plaguing her when Luna got her cutie mark –when she had slowly started to turn away from her to be at Celestia’s side. Luna might ignore it, but she knew that the ponies knew Staria even less than they knew her. She wasn’t important. There already was a Night ruler; there was no need for two.
But she was stuck here, with her sisters. Stuck until something changed. Something that was soon to happen, that she could not stop –that she wouldn’t be a part of, no matter how hard she wished she was. Everything had already been set into motion, and Celestia was in for a rude awakening once it started.
In the now empty room, Staria’s whisper echoed like a death sentence.
“Looks to me that you don’t understand the true weight of the crown either, Sister...”
Chapter 14: The destruction of one who had needed her most
Notes:
This one could also be called "Prelude to the Nightmare" or something. You can guess which part of the story we'll see next.
On other note, I don't know if I mentioned it before, but some elements of this story were inspired by the MLP animation Come Little Children by Duo Cartoonist (the channel has been deleted since then I think, but it's still on YouTube)
Chapter Text
Things just went downhill from there.
Luna was in a constant foul mood, one not even Staria managed to break. She took refuge in her ponies’ dreams –and each time one of them dreamt about Celestia, she went to sleep afterwards with an even worse mood than before, a dark cloud of rage blinding her and scaring everyone away. And the more they were scared of her, the more they turned to Celestia, the more Luna got angry. It was a vicious circle she couldn’t seem to get out of, and it did not help that Celestia acted completely oblivious, being trapped in her perfect little world.
However, what they both did not understand, was that Celestia didn’t exactly do it on purpose, either. Was it her fault that she ruled the day, time were the ponies were awake, while they ruled the night? Was it her fault that many feared the dark, and preferred to bask in the glorious light of the sun? Was it her fault her duties and powers were much more obvious than her sisters’?
No, it was not. But neither Celestia nor Luna made any effort to understand each other, the elder being convinced Luna was just being childish, and the younger believing Celestia did not want to understand.
Perhaps, had they talked, things would have been different.
But as it stood, the only one who could have acted as an intermediary between the two, was completely lost in her own thoughts, trapped in her loneliness. Staria was fading away, fading away like the night before dawn; she no longer knew what usefulness she had. Their ponies knew Celestia, of course; just as they knew another princess ruled the night. But, the Stars? No one cared to know. How many times had they met with ambassadors, only to catch them asking who was that third alicorn? They did not know her, because she appeared during the day even less than Luna. And because of their growing duties, they’d grown apart from each other, slowly, inevitably. They did not talk anymore, they feigned to be blind to the problem. Even Luna and she did not speak during the night, too focused on the dreams and stars and everything. They were strangers sharing the same blood if nothing else, now. They were too young to rule; the years had not given them the wisdom they should have, and neither had the wars they’d fought together, be it Sombra or Discord. Each blow dealt to them had been handled, each foe defeated; but they did not learn anything from these violent lessons. They grew isolated, the presence of the other two became a fading concern in their minds, forgetting they were in this together: Luna raged, Celestia beamed, and Staria cried in the dead silence of her empty room.
Nothing felt right anymore.
Celestia engrossed herself in her duties, trying her hardest to ensure her ponies’ happiness after the tiring war against Discord. The chaos he’d created had destroyed most of their crops and land, ensuring a time of suffering and despair if they did not do anything. But not all of them had the same ideas as to how they should proceed to escape a time of fear and hunger.
“No, Luna.”
“Sister…!”
“We must not divide the kingdom. We barely have enough resources for one colony already, what would we do with a second one?”
“That’s exactly the point! We’ll find another, more fertile land-”
“I said no, Luna. This is final. We must all stay together until the danger has passed.”
“…and once it has, there will be no reason to start a new colony, will there, Sister?”
“…Don’t you have some duties, Luna?”
That night, Luna stole away the orphaned children left in Discord’s wake, and took them away to a new land. They formed a smaller colony of ponies who loved the night more than the day, and Luna went to them every night, ensuring their survival and well-being. It worked out quite better than she’d expected –and she learned exactly how it felt to be deeply revered and adored by her ponies. Suddenly ponies were waiting for her return, waiting for the night and her quiet beauty, worshipping the ground she walked on. It made her feel important. It made her feel powerful.
And it made Celestia’s selfishness so much worse.
This was the beginning of the end.
And Staria stopped believing she could do anything to prevent it.
…
“…Why…?”
Night had fallen, once more. The softly fading light gently lulled the ponies into a restful, blind sleep.
There was no one to admire her night.
“…Why…!?”
A filly’s dream, Celestia.
A young colt’s crush, Celestia.
A grown mare’s model, Celestia.
Sun, sun, sun.
Never Moon.
“WHY!?”
They did not know. They did not care. They did not want to know.
What was the point?
I wish the night would never fall, so I could play forever!
Why is the night so dark? It’s scary.
The night is so mean. It makes good things look bad!
Please let the sun shine a bit longer tomorrow. I don’t want to celebrate in the dark.
Princess Celestia is so pretty. I want to be just like her when I grow up!
Why must there be a night? The day is so much more beautiful and useful.
We are so lucky to have Princess Celestia. She is the best we could hope for.
Alone in her dark room, Luna struggled and raged. She had the evidence of her ponies’ disdain, right in front of her. It could not be denied.
“…why…”
The young mare cried herself to sleep, listening to the ponies’ wishes for the sun.
Never for the night.
Never for the Moon.
Never for her.
Something broke inside of her that night.
…..
The Voice started to haunt Luna soon afterwards.
A voice of malice and violence, a voice that spoke of power and reverence and being a true goddess. A voice that promised adoration and worshipfulness, a voice that promised Luna the life she had always dreamed of; a life where their ponies would adore the night instead of the day, where they would recognize the night was more beautiful, worthier than the day, that her Light wasn’t the lesser one.
Each night the Voice came, slowly unravelling Luna’s already weakened defenses, slowly breaking down her resistance, much like the ocean against a mighty cliff. Every night Luna would brush these whispers aside, refusing to stoop so low, to bring harm to her sister; but her growing resentment and bitterness, and the Voice’s persistence made it harder and harder to resist. The Voice was always there, night by night, hour after hour, in her sleep and in her dreams. It opened her scars, stung her wounds, made her blind to all but her pain and endless agony. The Voice was everything.
The Voice was always here.
The Voice of a Nightmare.
Until it became hers.
Chapter 15: Lullay Moon Princess, Goodnight Sister mine
Notes:
A bit of warning for this chapter: angst, depression, and I think I can say borderline suicidal thoughts.
The tags have been updated.Stay safe.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When that fateful night came…Staria was down, struck by a terrible sickness that left her weak and unable to leave her bed. Weak and powerless to do anything.
When the voices came to haunt Luna that night, she was not there to deter them. She was not there to tell her things would soon look up, not there to tell her that Celestia wasn’t selfish, not there to comfort her. As if it would have changed anything.
That night, Staria was cold. Cold with dread and pain and helplessness.
Had she failed as a sister?
Had she failed to protect the youngest?
Had she failed to warn the eldest?
I have failed everything.
And even now, as her tired eyes gazed at the unforgiving moon above…she could not muster any strength to help. She’d let herself fall into this sick slumber, numb to anything but her own pain…when her sister was suffering so much more than her, wasn’t she? What a fool she had been. Trying so hard to prevent this from happening in her younger years, fearful that it would happen, ready to do anything to help…and now that what she had so feared, what she had wanted to prevent was here, right in front of her…she could do nothing. Nothing but watch and cry.
Had she ever really been useful?
Had she ever really helped?
Had she ever really understood anything?
Bursts of colour sometimes lit the dark sky, so far from the joyful fireworks they used to launch together. Two lights, two powers fought each other, endlessly; rage, bitterness and violence against pain, sorrow and determination.
Where was she?
Why wasn’t she up there to help?
Why couldn’t she do anything?
I could never do anything.
Rest now in Moonlight’s embrace…
She could hear the broken walls and the shattered glass, like an echo of their own shattered lives. Broken, weren’t they? But they had been broken long before tonight, long before one of them finally snapped. Their lives were made of tattered bonds, blind gazes and empty words.
When had it ever been different?
When had they stopped being truthful?
When had they stopped caring?
She still remembered a time of happiness and joy, of sisterly bonds and gentle words of reassurance.
“I’ll tell you a secret…”
“What is it? What is it?”
“I prefer the night, too.”
“Hey, sister…”
“What is it?”
“Will you still watch the night with me, once I get my cutie mark –and we start to rule?”
“Of course. We may not be able to do it as often as we wish, but we’ll manage.”
Lies. All of them. Nothing but lies and empty promises.
“We’ll always be sisters no matter what, Star. We’ll always be there for each other.”
“We will fight to keep this bond. And as long as we do…it won’t break.”
Why?
Why did it have to be this way?
Why couldn’t they go back in time?
I did not fight enough.
Bear up my lullaby, winds of the earth…
She had lost hope, somewhere along the way. She’d stopped believing in her own words, turning a vow she intended to keep into a shell of the truth, nothing but pale sand lost to the unforgiving passage of time. Perhaps they were never meant to stay together. Perhaps they were meant to learn the true weight of the crown this way.
Don’t they say the most important lessons are only learned through pain?
Sorrow.
Agony.
Despair.
Something stirred in her, something she recognised all too well –something she’d used so many times with her two sisters that their familiarity hurt. The Elements were awakening –her elements, Loyalty and Kindness.
When had she been loyal to anyone?
When had she been kind to anyone?
She had been, hadn’t she? Hadn’t she?
Liar. I’ve never been worthy of these two.
Through cloud and through sky and through space…
She’d been only loyal and kind to herself. Maybe not even that.
Perhaps this was why it was happening.
“I’m busy, Luna.”
“Lately that’s all you seem to say, ‘another time, Luna’ and that other time never happens.”
“I’m so sorry, Sister.”
“You promised you’d try, Star.”
Celestia was summoning the Elements. Yet another thing she was doing alone, instead of asking for them both. But one had walked away from them, and the other…
The other just did not believe in them anymore.
Magic.
Generosity.
Loyalty.
Kindness.
Honesty.
Laughter.
They do not mean anything anymore. Nothing does.
Carry the peace and the coolness of night…
One last burst of Light, and her beloved sister was banished to the moon she’d tried so hard to rise, once upon a time. One last burst of Light and one sister was sent away for a thousand years, another was suddenly brought to her knees, and the last was sent spiralling further down the abyss of her regrets.
Mistake.
Failure.
I should have never been made to rule.
Celestia landed on the ground, shaking with tears and cries for her lost sister. Lost in her room, Staria gazed outside with empty eyes, feeling the once comforting warmth of the Elements leave her being –as they had been used to banish instead of redeeming. They would never be the same again.
The sisters would never be the same.
She was done with everything.
Hopeless.
Careless.
Useless.
I’ll never fight again.
The sun finally rose with this last thought of hers.
…And carry my sorrow in kind.
Notes:
Just a quick precision that Staria isn't dying, but rather sinking fully into depression where before she just had about two hooves in.
The next chapter will deal with the aftermath, and then back to the present for the epilogue.
Chapter 16: You’re loved so much more than you know
Notes:
Very short chapter here. We're dealing with the immediate aftermath, so not so joyful themes.
The last chapter/epilogue is next.
Chapter Text
“…Star…?”
There was no answer. The door had been closed for a long, long time.
It was her fault.
“Please, sister…I need you.”
The young mare stood in front of her sister’s door, eyes not really seeing anything. Her shining, newly rainbow-coloured mane hung limply by her side. She whom had always been so proper and regal-looking, today she looked exactly the way she was:
A mare who’d just lost her sister in the worst way possible.
Betrayal.
The door remained closed. If not for the light shining from beneath, the sun princess would believe her to be asleep.
Not that it would change anything.
“Do you resent me?”
Why wouldn’t she answer? She could hear her breathing, behind the wood. Quiet, almost not there at all. She could picture her lying there, on the ground, unmoving, unwilling to get up and answer. It did not matter anymore.
“I understand if you do. I…I’ve failed as a ruler…and as a sister, too…”
Yes, she had. She failed her sisters –both of them. Blinded by her pride and thirst for glory. Disguised under care for them, under the wish to lighten their burden, she’d taken everything. No, it wasn’t quite right.
She’d taken the spotlight. Not the burden.
Celestia did not fight the wave of self-loathing that threatened to engulf her. She deserved it.
A tiny hope made its way in her chest. One last try.
“Will you watch the night sky with me…?”
It hurt. Heavens, did it hurt. But nothing could be done.
On the Moon, the beautiful night orb that once lit up the dark sky, there, like a painful reminder of the most terrible night, Luna’s face was etched on the once pure, white surface.
For the longest time.
Celestia rested her head on the door, gazing at the ground with tears softly rolling down her cheeks. She let out a humourless laugh.
“I understand, sister…”
She got up slowly, eyes downcast.
“You do not wish to see me right now…I wouldn’t want to see myself either…”
She took a few steps backwards. A moment she hesitated, one hoof ready to knock again, but it went back down without touching the door. She turned around.
“I’ll leave you alone for now…but please, sister…” She paused, but she did not have the strength to look back once more, to see once again the proof of her sister’s pain.
“…Come back to me. We…we still have a duty to our ponies. And perhaps…”
She reached deep in herself to find the strength to go on. Did she even have the right to say those words…?
“Perhaps we can start again…and learn from our mistakes…”
The slow, tired clopping sound of her hooves echoed endlessly in the empty corridor, barely muffled by the heavy drapes and tapestries decorating the hallway. Nothing could have muffled the sound of the sisters’ pain.
“…Goodnight, Staria…”
At long last, the clopping stopped when Celestia finally settled down for the night –though she knew sleep would elude her, as it had ever since Luna fell. In the closed room, beyond the door, Staria faced the night, gazing at the stars hanging uselessly in the midnight sky. You are the Guardian of Lost Souls, Staria. The Stars are your way of guiding them back to where they belong. Their mother had told her, once. She was the Guide. The light shining when nothing else did, the one ponies relied on when they were lost.
Luna had been lost.
What use did she have for their ponies, if she could not help her own sister?
None. This nightmarish night had at least made her realise this.
Equestria had no use for a guide who did not know her way.
A Lost Soul could help no one.
And she’d been lost long before this night.
She didn't belong here.
Sapphire eyes gazed back at the door, silvery tears streaming down her cheeks. Midnight blue wings slowly unfurled wide in front of the window.
“…Forgive me, Sister…”
The mourning wind blew the drapes back inside the room.
There was no one to witness it.

MinoriTomioka4 on Chapter 13 Fri 26 Sep 2025 02:56AM UTC
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No_Muse_Available on Chapter 13 Sun 05 Oct 2025 04:35PM UTC
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quesito_dehoja (Guest) on Chapter 14 Mon 06 Oct 2025 07:36AM UTC
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