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CT-0097, known as Looker, was on patrol. He and his unit were temporarily assigned guard detail, and that meant patrols around all of the public buildings. The otherwise unremarkable planet had recently become a Separatist threat, and the Republic had dispatched a clone unit to help protect the government, while the Jedi took on the Separatists and dismantled the threat. The unit was set to be there for the next four weeks. So far, Looker had been on planet for two days, and they had been the most boring days of his life.
"Hey, sailor." A brunette woman with blue eyes approached him.
A little confused, he gestured to his armor. "I'm not a sailor, Ma'am, I'm a soldier." Assessing her, Looker didn't think she posed any threat. He paused in his patrol, she probably was curious, or wanted directions.
She smiled at this, it was a nice smile, Looker noticed. "I was just wondering if you had any change. I need to break up this ten to use the machine." She jerked her thumb over her soldier towards a vending machine on the corner.
"Sorry, I don't have any money."
"Would any of your buddies have some?" She glanced at the other clones within eye shot.
"'Fraid not. Clone troopers don't have money, the Republic takes care of our expenses."
The woman looked a little disappointed. A part of Looker didn't like to see her looking letdown."Oh, well. I guess I didn't need the smokes anyway." Glancing into Looker's visor, she flashed him another smile. "Nice talking to you." She looked him up and down, then winked, "see you around, soldier."
As she disappeared down the street, Looker watched her go. He really did hope to see her again. He felt a little embarrassed just thinking about it, it didn't seem very military to be thinking about the pretty smile of a civilian.
The next morning, Looker was sent out with a list of requisitions the unit would need during their stay. Normally, Looker didn't handle logistics, but he was desperate for something to do, so Commander Mettle had taken pity on him and given him the chore. Looker and Hype were going to several different places in the city to procure supplies.
Hype waved his arm enthusiastically as he spoke, "It's so good to be off guard duty, I honestly don't know how the Shock Troopers do it. It's so boring, give me a real battle any day." Hype was just as happy as Looker to be doing something.
"I suppose some of us are just better suited to guarding, and some to fighting." Looker knew that on a technical level, they were all equally suited to everything. However, on a personal level, their tastes were just as varied as anyone's.
Looker glanced around the street. It was a fairly typical day in the city, and it was full of the normal hustle and bustle. Catching sight of a group of women at a cafe, Looker said to Hype, "What do you think about women?"
Hype considered this for a moment. "What do you mean, exactly? They're just like anyone, after all."
"I mean, do you ever think about them, or maybe one of them in particular?" Looker was hoping that he wasn't alone here. Ever since he'd met the woman wanting change yesterday, he'd found himself thinking about her a lot. He didn't know if others thought about women, he'd never asked, and it certainly wasn't something that was discussed.
Hype cocked his head to the side a little, curious. "Can't say that I have, you asking for any particular reason?"
"Well, I didn't either. Then, yesterday I was on patrol, and a woman stopped and talked to me for a minute, and she's been on my mind ever since." Looker felt a little silly even bringing this up. Part of him wanted to hide the fact that he'd even noticed anything in the first place.
Hype stopped short, Looker stopped as well. Though Looker couldn't see Hype's expression he could read it in his body language. Hype grabbed Looker's shoulder and said in a loud whisper, "What if you're in love?"
"Don't be silly." Looker didn't know what being in love was like, but he was sure that it was more exciting that noticing a cute smile and a wink.
Hype didn't think he was being silly at all. "It's not silly. I've read stories about people falling in love, and it always starts with an unexpected meeting and one of them not being able to get the other out of their head. Also, they're usually wealthy, and are back in their home town for a visit. But you have two of the four signs. I'd say you're in love." After a moment's thinking about it, Hype continued, "You'd best get out of love as quick as you can. There are rules about that, you know. We're soldiers first, and families and love get in the way of all that."
Looker almost wished he hadn't brought it up. "Let's just drop it for now, alright?"
The troopers made their rounds to the various places. After they took care of the requisitions they began making their way back to the barracks. "Let's stop in here for a minute." Hype was pointing at the door to a bar that boasted live casts of all the games and races. "I've got a bet on with SNAFU that the Corellian league won't make it through the finals, if I win he has to clean my armor for a month." Looker shrugged, and they went inside.
The bar was busy enough to seem upbeat, but not overly crowded. Leaving Looker at the bar, Hype wandered off to find a screen with the match he wanted. Looker removed his helmet and took in the place. Half way through his sweep of the room, he froze. There, across the bar, was the woman with the pretty smile; and she was coming his way.
Looker felt two very strong, yet completely contradictory emotions at the same time. Part of him desired more than anything to get her attention, another part equally strongly knew that if she looked at him he would die.
Impulsively, and without quite realizing it, Looker raised a hand to get her to notice him. Then, a second later he was horrified that he was doing such a thing, and dropped it. By then it was too late, she had seen him and was coming over.
Moving to stand quite close, the woman glanced at his helmet, then at Looker's face. "Didn't I run into you yesterday? I didn't realize I'd see you again so soon."
Looker felt tongue-tied all of a sudden. He wanted to say something that would impress her, but nothing would come out, so he nodded.
"My name's Zita." She gave him another one of those unforgettable smiles. "How 'bout you?"
Looker tried to stay calm, he had this, he knew his name, this was easy. Suddenly, a battlefield seemed a lot less intimidating than conversing with her. "I'm Looker. Well, it's not my name, but that's what I'm called by the other soldiers, and the Jedi, and some others. My number is CT-0097, that's my real name, if numbers count as names. You can call me either, or nothing, you don't have to talk to me at all."
Looker felt his face grow hot. He couldn't understand why his brain wasn't functioning properly, he'd messed up telling Zita his name. Zita placed a hand on his wrist guard. "I like Looker," she said softly, "I'll use that one if it's okay." Part of Looker knew that no matter what it was, anything she wanted was okay. Zita leaned against the bar. "Let me order you a drink, do you have time?"
Looker caught sight of Hype, he was engrossed in a particularly violent part of the match he was watching. Looker figured he had a few minutes to spare. "I have a little time."
Two days later, Looker was slipping out of the barracks, again. He didn't have any duty until the next morning, so he figured it wouldn't be problem if he was out for bit. The planet was quiet and the Jedi were making progress against the Separatists. He only felt a little guilty as he left.
Treading the nighttime streets quietly, Looker made his way to Zita's home. Knocking on the door he found it answered by Zita, with her lovely-as-ever smile. "I've been counting the minutes," she whispered with a giggle. Seizing his hands she brought him inside and closed the door.
Looker drew her close to him, he had never considered how good it was to be held by another. It was something he didn't even know he needed until he'd experienced it for the first time. She leaned up and kissed him, her fingers beginning to work to undress him.
Later that night, Looker and Zita lay in her bed. They were deep under the covers, each enjoying the presence of the other. Looker gazed at Zita's face. She seemed like the most perfect person ever made.
The last few days had been quite an education for him. On Kamino the clones had been taught the basics of biology and the facts of life, but no one had ever covered the fact of living. That life was confusing and didn't always make sense, or have rules. That last part was especially hard to take. All his life he'd been taught that there were rules, and that by using them everything made sense. Now, though, it didn't seem quite so clear cut. The rules said being with Zita was wrong, but he knew that there had never been a more right thing in the world.
Zita stroked her hand through his hair, she liked the texture, it felt wonderful to the touch. "Everything alright, Looker?"
Looker caught her eye, he flashed her a small smile. "Everything is perfect."
Looker continued to sneak away as often as possible. At first, the other clones in his unit ignored it. A lot of the men needed to get away for a little and collect themselves. However, after they noticed Looker gone for the eighth day in a row, they began to ask questions.
Hype was the one to approach him first. "Looker, I, uh, we," Hype was a little uncomfortable broaching the topic. "Well, we noticed you haven't been around much, lately."
Looker swallowed, he thought he'd been discreet. "Is there a problem?"
Hype glanced anywhere but at Looker. "Well, the problem is you know you really ought to have permission before you leave the barracks. But, Commander Mettle hasn't given you permission. I think I know what's been going on, and it'd probably be best if you cut it out."
Looker felt heat rising in his face. He wasn't sure why, but all of this felt so personal to him, even to the point that other clones couldn't possibly understand. Not wanting to drag out the confrontation, Looker finally nodded. Inside, however, he knew he would be back at Zita's place as soon as possible. It was weird for him to lie to one of his brothers like this, he almost felt as though he was a different person.
It only took a few more excursions before the informal chastisement of his peers turned into the formal censure of his commander. Commander Mettle was none too pleased as he filled out the form for Looker. "You're better than this, soldier. Going AWOL is not going to help you, it's a black mark against you."
"I really don't see what the problem is. I wasn't shirking my duties, I've been pulling my share." Looker knew it was a lame excuse, but if Mettle only knew what love felt like, he would understand completely.
"That's not the point. You're better than this. If you didn't think you were doing anything wrong than you wouldn't have gone to such lengths to keep your actions secret. Looker, you acted dishonorably, and you know it." Mettle just couldn't understand why Looker would behave like this. Looker was a good man and a good soldier. He followed the rules, didn't complain, and gave one hundred percent every time. It baffled him that Looker would let all of that go.
Looker kept his eyes on his feet. He felt burning hot and ice cold at the same time. Mettle was right, he had been derelict. He had acted foolishly, and secretly for fear of being caught.
Another part of him wanted to burst out. To tell Mettle why he was AWOL, and why it was okay when love was involved. Hadn't they been trained to be men with honor? He wanted Mettle to understand that honor included more than being obedient and staying put. What honor was there in lying to yourself and others about who you are and how you feel?
All of these confused thoughts swirled in Looker's head. It had only been a short time, but his life had become incredibly complex all of sudden. "Yes, sir." Was all he said.
Mettle finished with the report. "Now, this isn't going in the report, but it's a word of advice. Hype says that you're sneaking around because of a woman. I'd advise you to break it off immediately. You know full well that clones cannot have families, and you know why, too. Breaking the rules won't be tolerated, and clones that do break them get sent back to Kamino. I don't know what happens from there, but do you really want to spend the rest of the war sweeping floors with 99? You've gotta keep it together, soldier. We need you more than anyone else does right now. Dismissed."
Snapping too, Looker gave the requisite, "Yes, sir." before leaving Commander Mettle. He felt guilty, and ashamed. His unit only had a little longer to stay on planet. He knew he ought to make a clean break with Zita. He ought to, but he didn't want to. He went back to the barracks. He had never felt so confused before. He felt a traitor to his unit for being disobedient, he felt a traitor to himself for trying to ignore how he felt. There was no good way to deal with this. Still, he had to see Zita one more time.
Hype entered the barracks, spotting Looker sitting at the end of his bunk, head in hands, he grew a little concerned. "What's the matter, you feelin' alright?"
Looker glanced at Hype, he felt as though he had to say something. Even though he felt incredibly self conscious about the whole deal, he knew he'd burst if he kept it bottled up. "I got wrote up."
"No way," said Hype, surprised. "You're not one of the trouble makers, you've always been good, unless..." He sat down next to Looker, shooting a furtive look around the barracks. Verifying that they were alone, he whispered, "Was it about you sneaking out to meet that woman?"
Looker nodded. He kept his eyes downcast, he didn't have the courage to look at Hype directly. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I know what I'm supposed to do to be a good soldier, but then I think about her and it's like all of my sense leaves. She's wonderful, and perfect, and kind, and being with her has been the best thing that ever happened to me, and sex is amazing like you can't even imagine. I feel all tangled up, nothing makes sense. I don't know how to keep a lid on my feelings. I've never felt so strongly about anything before."
"C'mon, you can't have expected the Republic to just say 'well, since you're in love it's okay for you to break the rules.' They don't even allow the Jedi to get it on with anyone, so why would we be allowed? One day this war will be over, and we can all think about families then. We just have to wait our turn." Hype didn't know what else to say. He'd heard the term 'brokenhearted' before, but he'd never seen it firsthand. Looker really did look down in the dumps. A thought came to him. "Maybe you can look her up after the war? Have an arrangement that after the war you'll come back for her and have a family together. D'you think she'd go for that?"
Looker didn't know. In all honesty he really didn't know Zita that well. When a person was a clone trooper there really wasn't much to know or find out about. No family, no backstory, nothing but training. Zita had all kinds of story, and he didn't know most of it. Did she love him? Would she wait for him? Would they get the life he was beginning to want more than anything?
"I need to see her, one more time." Looker had to either end it, or find out if they might be able to have forever. As he said the words a cold chill took him, going and facing her, telling her what he wanted and hoped for, it all sounded terrifying. What if she said no? What if she said yes? He finally lifted his gaze to look at Hype, "Will you help me?"
It took some convincing, but eventually Hype agreed to help him. Mostly, he just had to cover for Looker while he was out. Hype didn't like the prospect of lying to Commander Mettle. "You owe me for this."
Looker raced to Zita's place. He was afraid of what she would say, but he had to find out all the same. Breathless, he knocked on her door. The seconds it took her to answer felt like hours. When she answered, and he saw her smile, he felt like running away. He wasn't sure if he felt like running away from her, or from the army, but he felt like running.
Entering her home, he didn't wait for her to ask before he started. "I'm leaving soon, and before I go I need to know: will you wait for me, and stay with me forever when I get back?" He said it in a rush. If he had tried stringing it out he knew he would've lost his nerve.
Zita didn't smile now, she looked into his eyes, then away. Looker couldn't decide if this was a bad sign or a good one. Her eyes came back to his. "Are you asking me to marry you?"
Looker knew marriage had a lot of cultural meaning for beings across the galaxy, but it had never really occurred to him that if he wanted to be with Zita forever that might mean marriage. Clones didn't have that kind of background. "Yes." he said, without hesitation. "Yes. I want you to marry me. If I come back to you after the war, will you stay with me forever, have a family with me, raise children with me? Will you marry me?" The words tumbled out, but Looker meant every last one of them.
"The war may not be over for a long time yet. What if we don't feel the same about each other then?" Zita was a little overwhelmed by Looker's sudden proposal.
"I'll never love another. I'll never feel differently. I'm yours forever, if you'll have me." Looker had it all out on the line now. He couldn't have felt more exposed if he'd been naked. This was it. Love or nothing.
Zita stepped up to him, she looked deep into his eyes. Running a hand down the side of his face she traced the outline of his tattoos. Three little marks radiating from the outer corner of his eyes. She thought about it, she thought long and hard. What would this mean for them? What would it mean for her? Or their children, if they had any? Could they make it work?
Letting her hand fall from his face, she grasped his hands in her own. She looked at them, she almost swore that his hands were trembling a little. Looking back into his eyes, she knew what she had to do. It would not be easy. It would be the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. But, in the end, it was the only choice she could make. "I'll wait for you."