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It takes you an embarrassingly long time to realize that the man standing beside you is your ex-boyfriend.
It’s embarrassing, honestly because once upon a time you could see him and he would stand out anywhere, in any crowd. Still, now you had forgotten about him so, when he stands beside you like any other person in Las Almas, you don’t realize is him until you casually look and realize you know the side of his face.
It’s a weird feeling, between shock and panic. Your mind and body can only stare when you realize is him and when the shock dissipates the panic starts.
Should you move and disappear?
Should you leave before he notices you?
Did he notice you too?
What would his reaction be?
A lot of questions like those crossed your mind at top speed.
And before you could even act in any of them, someone collided with you from your other side, pushing you in his direction.
Before you can stop time or try to convince yourself this was a bad play from destiny, you are falling, and familiar, big hands are grabbing you.
“¡Más ciudado, güey!”, his voice said, not to you though, because you could see him turning his head in the direction of the person who pushed you.
He was frowning in that familiar way he always did when he was annoyed or angry.
You gulped, still in his hands, until he turned his head in your direction.
His mouth was half open, about to say something, probably asking if you were alright because he was kind when he wanted to.
But then his brown eyes meet yours and you see the change in his face.
He is shocked for a few seconds, and then you can see him panic.
Just as you had done.
When you realize that he has been holding you for way too long, you step back and push yourself away from him.
His hands burn in your clothes, and you look away with your heart hammering in your chest.
“A-are y-you a-alright?”, he asks, voice a little bit shaken, hands leaving you immediately.
You guess he hadn’t noticed you, otherwise, you wouldn’t think he would be sounding so…surprised, so insecure.
It's kind of funny, to know that your ex-boyfriend of six years hadn’t changed at all. Even if has been a long time since the last time you two saw each other.
“Yes, thanks for the save”.
Slowly you turn around, careful with your steps, realizing that the bus stop was too full and that there was not much space, especially since it was raining terribly.
You try to come back to your senses.
Yes, you just met your ex at a busy bus stop on a rainy afternoon, yes someone just literally pushed you in his arms and yes, he was as panicked at seeing you as you were.
Yes, this afternoon was not going as you thought. But well, at least you were alive, even if your ex-boyfriend was standing a few inches behind you…again.
You look around, look at your watch, look at your phone, you look everywhere until you realize that time is moving slowly, and the bus doesn’t fucking arrive.
You are hyperaware of your surroundings very suddenly and you wish you could just disappear and become a puddle of water so the earth could swallow you whole.
Instead, you try not to go back into memory lane, not to think about the man behind you and how you became exes, strangers, until from all the people in Las Almas, you had to find him again at a bus stop no less.
Before you can even process your anxiety, you hear him clear his throat behind you. You almost shiver all over, because you swear you can feel his breath on your neck even if you are sure that he is keeping as much distance as he can.
“How have you been?”
It takes you a moment or two to process his question.
Is weird, to hear his voice, and is even weirder to hear it in your direction.
You turn your head and look at him over your shoulder to confirm that he is, indeed, talking to you and not to someone else at the busy bus stop.
He is looking at you, with his pair of brown eyes.
He is not annoyed, angry, or shocked, he is…neutral…amiable, like he genuinely wants to know how you have been.
You turn back ahead, before answering.
“I’m fine”, you answer, even if your bag full of office paperwork is very heavy on your shoulder and you must hide one of your fists in your jacket to not let him see how you are processing your emotions right now.
Even if he already knows because he was always good at reading people. It was part of his job and he never really hesitated to use it on you.
“How are you?”, you ask, awkwardly.
It has been a couple of years since you two last talked. It hadn’t been in…nice circumstances. It had been tense and awkward and it had led to a lot of feelings and emotions you didn’t want to feel today.
“Good”, is all he says, and you think, for a moment that the conversation is going to end there, but a couple of seconds later, around ten, he speaks again. “Congratulations, by the way”.
You are about to ask him what he is talking about, but he finishes.
“On your new position in the government. Vice-mayor”.
You let a little breath and you smile a little, even if when you realize this, you stop it immediately.
“Thank you”.
“You deserve it. You worked hard”.
And that has your heart beating hard again.
Oh, he more than anyone knows you do deserve it and how much you had worked for that. He had been there, when you were burning your eyelashes at university, or when you applied to a lot of internships in the summer to gain all the experience you could. He was there when you broke down in tears because politics were hard and even more so for someone like you. He always patted you on the back and listened to you, even if he didn’t care about politics, he had always been a simple man. He was a man of action too.
Yes, he had been there and couldn’t witness because then things went to shit. It wasn’t his fault at all, relationships are about two people, and you were as guilty about it as he had been.
You were too focused on your political career, and he was too focused on his military one. At some point, your lives weren’t even seeing each other and what started as a silly promise in high school ended up in…broken promises, tears, and a broken bond.
You decided to end it all, in mutual agreement. He took his things and went away, and you took yours and concentrated on your political career because you wanted to make Las Almas a better place, especially when the cartels were always around. You had a will of steel so no, you weren’t on their payroll like the actual mayor, so that made your path harder.
“I heard you were promoted to coronel. Congratulations on that too”.
He makes a sound that resembles a chuckle and for a second you are taken aback because you haven’t heard that sound in a long time. It is weird in a nice way.
He always had a very funny way to chuckle, especially when he got away with things. It always made you smile.
“That’s rather new, who told you? Rudy?”, he asks, genuinely curious.
You panic for a second.
How do you tell your ex that his mother still talks to you?
How do you tell your ex that his mother still keeps you updated about his life?
Not that you asked her, but she always told you that you were part of her family and her son breaking up with you wasn’t going to change that.
Rudy, his best friend, also still talked to you, but not as much as his mother did.
“I just heard it in the city hall. The mayor receives a lot of news about the troops”.
Thank God you aren’t looking at him directly because then you wouldn’t have been able to lie to him.
You were a politician, lying and smiling at the people was part of your job, but you actually could do it with people you didn’t know, but with him was different. With Alejandro, it is always different.
Maybe because he knew you inside and out or maybe because you were an idiot.
He stays quiet. You think he is trying to figure out if you said the truth or not, but you don’t have much to think about, because at that moment the bus arrives and the race to get in starts at once.
You get inside, pay, and are unlucky enough to not find a seat, but at least, there is a space to stand. When you grab the pole in the middle, you are surprised to find that Alejandro is close behind. So close, he grabs your hand instead of the pole.
He apologizes before his hand grabs the space under your hand.
You look away, trying to find your breathing because you forgot how to breathe for a second.
You can’t believe you are acting like an idiot in public, especially when anyone could recognize you.
The bus starts moving soon after. You hold tight and everything is silent between the two of you, even if the rain is fully falling and the bus is packed like a sardine can.
“I know is late to say this, but I’m sorry”, he suddenly says in a rather quiet voice, a voice you were sure he was not used to using.
You look at him, because now you can look at him, now he is beside you and not behind you.
He looks back at you. His short hair and light stubble make him look familiar but slightly different. He was not the young man you last saw, he was just a man now. A man tortured by military service, but a service that you knew was better than ending in the Cartel, which was the most common place for young men in this city. You knew how much he loved this city and his job, so it was no news to you that he got promoted too fast and that he was looking tired but happy about it.
“Is in the past, Alejandro”.
“But I never got to say it”.
You shake your head, sighing.
“It doesn’t matter”.
“It does to me”.
He gazes at you then, refusing to stop making eye contact. You refuse to look away again.
This was a thing you used to do. You were too stubborn for your good, both of you and it was obvious in the way you argued in the past. You both refused to back down on your perspectives and sometimes it was rather fun, especially when people said you sounded like an old married couple, but later it got serious and in the end, it was the only thing you did. Arguing but without sounding like a married couple, because the anger and annoyance were real, and it wasn’t cute or funny anymore.
This time you don’t know which one is.
All you know is that he doesn’t want to back down and you love challenges as much as he does.
“Estuve bien pinche culero in the past”, he starts, apparently not caring that the whole bus could hear him, even if he was whispering and probably not everyone could hear the two of you. “I was immature and scared and very affected by what happened with Valeria”.
There is a pause. You feel something in your chest, and you can’t believe that after so much time, you still have that pang of evil feelings whenever her name is mentioned.
Valeria, Rudy, and he had him inseparable all their lives until she betrayed them. Neither took it well, but Alejandro took it the worst. He never said it, but you always thought that, at some point, he saw her more than a comrade or a sister.
“Perdón”, he repeats, and you sigh again.
“Apology accepted”, he then smiles softly and finally looks away.
You look away too, not believing at all that you were winning an argument with Alejandro, even if you were kind of…not sure this counted as an argument.
“I’m sorry too”, you said, and he looked at you again. “I was rather immature and jealous too”.
“I understand. Your career was also important. I’m glad you chose it over me”.
You frown.
“How can you say that?”
“Because look at you now. You are technically the mayor, everyone knows that bueno para nada doesn’t do una chingada for this city. You are always dando la cara and doing everything in your power to make this a better place”.
Something moves in your chest and you feel the urge to smile, but you don’t. Not really anyway.
“I only would have slowed you down con mi mierda. I’m glad you came this far. I’m proud of where you are now”.
And then you smile, even if is little and you pray that he doesn’t notice.
You smile and he smiles back at you.
Neither of you say anything for the rest of the bus ride. Not until you get off at the same stop. It is still raining but not so hard. You are under an umbrella that barely covers you and he doesn't even bother to get one out.
“Oye”, he calls, just when you are walking away, thinking that this is going to be the end of it.
The end of a weird meeting but one that made you feel kind of better after such a long day in the office.
You stop to turn slightly. Alejandro is two meters away from you, looking at you with his bag over his shoulder and his cammo trousers and military boots.
He looks rather handsome, but if rumors were true, he was “meeting” someone, and his mother had high spirits that they were the one.
Your time with Alejandro was in the past anyway, it was for the better, even if you were never going to say it out loud.
“I meant what I said on the bus. I’m sorry for being an asshole in the past and I’m very proud of how far you have come. I just hope that things keep getting good for you and that one day, maybe next election, I can see you being elected as mayor. Las Almas needs you”.
You smile then, genuinely and without hiding anything. He smiles back at you too and you can see the honesty in his eyes.
“Thanks, Ale. Keep working hard for your career too, Las Almas needs more people like you and your buddies”, he chuckles softly. “Fue bueno verte”.
He nods then, and after staring for a moment or two more in the middle of a Mexican sidewalk, you slowly turn around and start walking in the opposite direction of him.
You feel his eyes on your back until you are almost in the corner of the street.
Then you decide to look over your shoulder and you get to see him walking in the opposite direction. You smiled softly.
It hadn’t been that bad.
Maybe La Morenita was trying to tell you something.