Chapter Text
“Jungkook-ah.”
The boy presses closer against the window. His breath fogs the surface up and leaves his cheeks damp with humidity, skin warming in time with the rhythm of his rapid breaths, tip of his smushed nose cold on the glass.
“Baby,” Yoongi calls again. It’s gentle. “It’s bedtime.”
“N’thank you.” It comes out muffled. Jungkook’s hands swing upwards to plant on the window, splayed on either side of his head; his fingertips flex and drum in the haphazard way they do when he’s feeling particularly impatient and small. “N-no.”
It’s already far past his bedtime and they both know it. Normally Jin would have put his foot down and tickled and teased the little one into coming along for bathtime and books and cuddles, but—well, Jin isn’t here, and that’s the whole problem.
“You have to come to bed, sweetheart,” Yoongi says again. “It’s too late for little boys like you to be awake.”
“Jinnie-hyung p’ease,” is all he says.
“Jungkook-ah…”
“Pretty p’ease?” His toe-socked feet are tucked neatly beneath him and he bounces on them once, twice, anxiously. “Now, thank you.”
Yoongi pets a hand through Jungkook’s hair. “Do you remember what we talked about? Baby, Jin-hyung isn’t coming tonight. The paper chain we made still has 34 links, so that means 34 more days until he‘ll be here. About a month.”
“Month,” Jungkook mumbles. “Thir’four?”
“Mhm.”
“No Jinnie-hyung for be’time?”
“Not tonight, sweetheart. Tonight it’s just you and me.”
Jungkook considers this, and then his eyes well up with tears. “Want Hyung.”
“I know, baby boy. I do too.”
Yoongi cautiously moves in for a hug—sometimes physical touch is all it takes for the boy to calm down—but Jungkook lashes out instead, pushing and twisting out of reach and thrashing as he throws himself dramatically on the floor face down to weep. “No! No no no no no!”
When Jungkook is feeling this little, this distraught, it’s near-impossible to stop a tantrum in progress. His emotions are just…too big. He doesn’t know what to do with them except let them be felt. And while it’s heartbreaking to see him so upset, Yoongi also finds comfort in it. Outside of littlespace, Jungkook tries so hard to compress his anxiety and sadness, afraid to let it take up space, and it eats him alive. There’s a sort of catharsis in littlespace and its inability to allow him to hide.
They’ve all been expecting this reaction, anyway. Jungkook’s anxiety over Jin leaving on this trip has been steadily building ever since they found out, and as much as he’s excited for his hyung to have landed such an important acting job—especially one overseas with some well-known names to boost his career—their youngest is anything but excited for the time apart.
It’s not something any of them are used to. This is the first time he’s had to travel so far for work, and it’s just…strange. Jin’s presence is easily felt because it’s easily heard. Always teasing whichever boyfriend happens to be closest to him, or loudly complaining at video games from behind his bedroom door, or singing along to music as he cooks dinner in the evenings. It’s a different sort of steadiness than the kind Yoongi and Namjoon provide, because it’s not quiet, it’s vibrant.
Jin left for the airport nearly 12 hours ago now, and Yoongi wonders how they’re going to make it through an entire month without him.
For Yoongi, distance is unfortunate but bearable. Provided the opportunity to call and hear Jin’s voice every once and a while, the knowledge that he’s coming back is enough to make this nothing but a blip in time. But Jungkook is a different story. He’s been wound tight with anxiety from the very first moment Jin announced that he’d landed a role overseas, and worse, he wouldn’t admit anything was wrong despite his obvious distress. They all know the silence is because Jungkook would never forgive himself if Jin felt unsupported or guilty for following his dreams. But it’s still frustrating to see your partner deny anything is wrong when all signs point to the opposite.
He hasn’t been sleeping well lately, or eating enough. He’s been clingier, more emotional. And most notably, in the days leading up to departure, Jin found himself with an armful of maknae every single time he sat down. Jungkook has always been someone who loves touch—but with Jin that usually comes in the form of wrestling and pinning and playfighting. Seeing him curled up in Jin’s lap, shoulders tight, clinging like Jin might slip through his fingers…it wasn’t their normal. It meant Jungkook was being eaten alive by unchecked stress.
Stress relief for Jungkook means slipping into littlespace. He’s never good about asking, always pink-cheeked and feet shuffling as he approaches his hyungs to ask for help. More often than not, he waits so long that they approach him first. Sometimes they ask. If they know he’ll be stubborn, they don’t bother to. They just…ease him down. He’s always babied as the maknae, but it’s different—they treat him like he’s precious. Their voices smooth, their words soften. They tie his shoelaces for him and zip up his coat and keep him away from the hot stove and scold him for using bad words. And when he finally realizes that he’s slipping, when he tries to whine and complain—he’s already too syrupy sweet slow small for it to matter.
He always feels better after spending time in littlespace; not only has he told them so, but it’s obvious in the way he carries himself—lighter. Easier. So as much as he fusses about it in the moment, Jungkook has never had any serious issues with their decisions to step in.
Until a few days ago, that is.
Jungkook was jittery and irritable and exhausted and anxious, and it wasn’t getting better. He needed to slip. They could all see the signs: he was having nightmares again, tearing up at the smallest inconveniences, snapping at people and apologizing in rapid cycles. Namjoon even caught him staring longingly at the sippy cups in the kitchen one day. He’d been so entranced he didn’t even notice his hyung walk in, and when he did notice—well, he seemed a little bit fuzzy. A little bit small. He snapped himself out of it, but it was the final straw for Namjoon, who spoke to the others later that day. If Jungkook wasn’t going to come to them, then they needed to take care of it for him. Sooner, rather than later.
“Sooner” became “as soon as possible” when Seokjin went to the grocery store without thinking to tell anyone and Jungkook nearly had a panic attack.
Taehyung found him in the bathroom, hands braced against the counter with a white-knuckled grip. His face was ashen, his chest rising and falling more rapidly with every passing second, and when approached, Jungkook flinched so hard he nearly lost his balance. It wasn’t until Taehyung thought to call Seokjin that Jungkook finally calmed, panic ebbing beneath the gentle croon of their oldest hyung’s voice.
While obviously unhappy at seeing his youngest boyfriend so distraught, Yoongi was mostly just relieved. Breakdowns are catalytic. Everyone involved would have to finally face the fact that Jungkook just…wasn’t coping, at all. No more pretending, no more waiting. They’d face this, and things would get better.
And maybe things would have gotten better…except Jungkook saw their plan coming from a mile away.
See, he’s not stupid. He knew that his breakdown would make them realize that he needed help, and that help would probably involve easing him into littlespace. He also knew that he couldn’t, under any circumstances, let that happen.
It’s not like Jungkook thought Seokjin had no idea that he was anxious. Seokjin is too observant to miss something like that, and even if he had, the others would have clued him in. He knew. But he didn’t know how deep that fear ran or how terribly Jungkook wanted to beg him to stay, and that’s exactly the way Jungkook wanted to keep it. Secret.
Little Jungkook has no such reservations.
Historically, the second Jungkook slips, his filter disintegrates. Everything tumbles out. The good, the bad. Spoiling what he bought for Jimin’s birthday, or confessing that he doesn’t feel well, or asking his Hyungs to spend more time at home because he misses them. Things big Jungkook would have no trouble keeping quiet just…come to the surface when he’s small. And his feelings about Seokjin leaving? Too big to even have a hope of containing. There was no chance he’d let himself be small, not when it meant hurting someone he loves.
And it would hurt him. It would hurt Seokjin to the core, to be faced with crying and pleading for him not to leave. Their oldest hyung has always been soft for Jungkook (big or small), and to have to make that decision…it would be unfair. It wasn’t something he could place on Seokjin’s shoulders, especially when he was already stressed about doing a new project in an unfamiliar place surrounded by unfamiliar faces. He had enough to worry about, he didn’t need guilt piled on top of the rest.
So Jungkook shut it down. He kept his feelings locked away. And when his hyungs tried to baby him into littlespace yesterday…
Well, he overreacted.
He was ashamed of it afterwards, but—he got angry. Angry about things he’d never faulted them for before, throwing insults like defensive darts, stinging sneer to his lip. Their shocked faces sank in his belly like rocks, but he knew if he stopped being angry, he’d cry, and if he cried, he’d slip. He wanted their comfort so badly. But he couldn’t let himself have it. Not yet. He could wait until Seokjin came back, and then it would all be easier to process in hindsight, and it’s not like little Jungkook could beg him to stay if he’d already come home, right? He just had to hold out until then. Just a month.
So he stomped and yelled and slammed doors, and then cried himself to sleep. And the next day—this morning—they ate a quiet breakfast together, and sent Seokjin on his way.
(Just hold off for a month. Wait for him to come back.)
Jungkook was in littlespace before Seokjin’s taxi had even turned the corner and disappeared from view.
He’s been distraught ever since. Yoongi and the rest of his boyfriends know their baby well, well enough to have a mental list of everything they know to be effective distraction—Pororo, art projects, cuddles, baking, dancing to silly songs. On a normal day, Jungkook would be bouncing off the walls with excitement to be doing so many of his favorite things.
But today, he hasn’t seemed to care about any of it. All he’s wanted to do is stare out the window of their apartment at the street far below. Watching the cars. Wondering if his hyung is inside one of them. He’s not. They’ve told him that, but he doesn’t seem to understand, or doesn’t seem to have accepted it.
Yoongi thinks tomorrow will be better. After denying himself for so long, Jungkook will probably still wake up little—but he’s a good sleeper when he’s small, and passing out for 12 hours straight after weeks of insomnia will do him a lot of good. They’ll probably be able to call Seokjin tomorrow, too. That will make everyone happy, especially a certain sad little boy who seems to think Seokjin has disappeared off the face of the planet.
But before any of that, Yoongi has to make bedtime happen. Jungkook, who’s currently sobbing and kicking his feet against the floor, doesn’t seem to be in the mood for sleeping.
Yoongi sighs, wracking his brain for an idea. “Baby, do you want something to drink before we brush our teeth? Hyung can get you banana milk, or juice—”
“No nana-na milk!” Jungkook wails. “No!”
“No banana milk, I hear you.”
“Jinnie-hyung!”
“I hear you,” Yoongi repeats with a sigh. “I know, sweetheart.”
A text buzzes low from his cell phone—Hoseok, asking if he needs help. He shoots back a quick “no thanks” and nearly exits out of Katalk, but then he glances up at their previous messages. The most recent message from yesterday is an audio file, a demo track he’d sent to Hoseok for opinions, but now…it gives him an idea.
His phone files are a disorganized mess, but after some searching, he finds it: “Demo track: Moon.” One of the first vocal songs Yoongi had ever written and produced back when he was completely unknown in the music scene. He had to adjust the song to fit the needs of the up-and-coming soloist that it went to, but Yoongi’s favorite version is still this one—the demo that Seokjin sang for him in his tiny home office production studio.
It’s Jungkook’s favorite, too. He keeps badgering Yoongi to send him the audio file so he can put it into his playlists—says the official release isn’t anything as good as his Jin-hyung’s voice.
Yoongi starts the song, and hopes that little Jungkook shares the same opinion as his grown-up counterpart.
He does. The moment Jungkook hears Jin’s voice on the track, he goes absolutely still, like a toy running out of batteries. And slowly, gradually, the sobs quiet from wails to whimpers; sad little noises that beg to be heard but don’t dare to drown out the music.
Yoongi looks up from his phone, as if he’s surprised. “Do you hear that?” Jungkook wipes at his tears and nods. “Whose voice is that?”
“Jinnie-hyung,” Jungkook sniffs. And then he scoots onto his knees and crawls closer, until his upper body is curled up in Yoongi’s lap. He pulls at the caregiver’s wrist to bring the phone closer. Yoongi obliges, smiling as the little brings his ear directly to the speaker and begins to mouth the words, eyes wide and watery.
For a moment, Yoongi wishes someone were here to take a video of this. Just to show Jin how loved he is, how missed he is. He brushes off their compliments and sincerities far too easily, even joking the last few days that no one would notice he’s gone, but it’s not true. They all feel the ache of his absence.
The song ends. “Again?”
“Once you’re in bed,” Yoongi promises. “Come on, baby, Hyung will help you get your teeth brushed.”
After a longing glance (or two) back to the front window, Jungkook lets himself be led to the bathroom. Yoongi tries best to be quick, both because he knows it’s past bedtime and because a tired Jungkook is far more likely to fuss. They’ve finally reached a nice equilibrium here. He’d like to keep it.
Luckily, this is muscle memory; Yoongi has walked the boy through his nighttime routine more times than he can count. While Jimin and Taehyung love playtime with little Jungkook, and Namjoon loves taking him outdoors, and Hobi loves arts and crafts, Yoongi often finds himself volunteering to help with the calmer moments in Jungkook’s day. Bedtime is his favorite. The routine is familiar and repetitive, and it’s sweet seeing the way Jungkook begins to yawn and slump and flutter his eyes closed as Yoongi gets him clean and warm and bundled up. He loves all versions of his boyfriend, but small, sleepy, pliant Jungkook might just be his favorite. So whenever he slips (which isn’t as often as they’d like really—they’re always encouraging it more, because Jungkook needs the outlet) Yoongi tries to be there to lull him to sleep.
Now, he’s grateful he can provide a little of the familiarity their baby is craving. It seems to soothe him in a way he’s been missing all day, since they could hardly tear him away from the window. He kept hoping the taxi would come back and bring his Jinnie home. But it didn’t. And none of them could fix that.
But Yoongi can do this for him. He can rub sweet-scented baby lotion into his hands and gently brush his hair and give him sips of water from his Pororo cup, and kiss his forehead every time he starts to frown.
“Arms up,” he says, easing a pajama top over Jungkook’s head. “Good boy.”
Jungkook is exhausted. Slurring his words, sighing, blinking to keep his eyes open. Yoongi’s hardly gotten him dressed when he begins to tip forward onto the caregiver’s shoulder to rest. “Sweetheart, let’s get you tucked in. You get to sleep in Jin-hyung’s bed tonight, hm?” he murmurs. “Much comfier than Hyung’s shoulder.”
“No ‘s not,” Jungkook pouts. But Yoongi gives him a look, so he obediently slides under the covers, wiggling until Yoongi joins him and they wrap around each other like they always do, littlespace or not.
“Jinnie-hyung sing?” Jungkook asks through a yawn.
Yoongi did promise, so he pulls out his phone to play Moon once more. But before he gets there, he’s reminded of a different guide track, one Jin sang for him just last week—‘The Astronaut’. Intimate, loving, longing. A song about being everything to someone. Jungkook hasn’t heard it yet. Maybe this is exactly when he needs to.
The little knows the opening notes to Moon’s demo track by heart, and when something different begins to play, he’s audibly displeased. He huffs unhappily. Once, then twice (louder), as Yoongi doesn’t even move to correct what Jungkook assumes was a mistake. He gets squirmy, and Yoongi can tell he’s about to grab for the phone himself, but then a voice rings through the tinny speakers, and—
“Oh,” Jungkook says. Small. Surprised.
“This one is Hyung too. I thought…I thought you might like it. D’you want—”
Jungkook scrambles to put a hand over Yoongi’s mouth. “Shhh! Shh.” Yoongi smiles, but gets the hint. No more talking.
Jungkook gets this look on his face when he’s focused—his eyebrows furrow just the slightest bit, his eyes go wide, his lips pout. He has it now. He’s at full attention, unwilling to miss a single word Jin sings. And by the end, he even begins to sing along. “An’ I looove you,” he whispers hoarsely. “I looove you.”
There’s quiet after the instrumental stops, and Yoongi can’t quite judge how Jungkook is feeling. So he ventures: “Did you like it?”
The little lets out a heartbreaking sob and buries his face in Yoongi’s chest.
“Baby,” Yoongi says, but then he can’t think of anything else that will make it better, so he just tightens his hold and pets a hand soothingly down the back of Jungkook’s neck.
“Don’ wan’ Hyung to go,” Jungkook gasps desperately, as if keeping the secret in for so long had set him alight, flames and ash flickering in the hearth of his throat. “Make him come back, make’m c-come home an’ give bedtime kisses and don’t go away forever or ever. Don’t go, don’t want him to, to go please,” he wails.
“I know,” comes Yoongi’s quiet reply. “I know.”
Jungkook’s hands tangle in Yoongi’s shirt, tugging insistently, as if begging him to do something, to fix it. Yoongi wishes he knew how. But Jungkook trusts him anyway, so he tries: holds the boy through every desperate plea, the two of them rocking gently together until wails turn to cries and cries turn to whimpers.
They stay like that for a long time, long enough that Yoongi would think Jungkook had drifted off to sleep if not for the quiet sniffles and occasional fidgeting. He can’t seem to sit still. Yoongi has a feeling that it’s more about self-soothing than it is about getting comfortable, so he offers a hand up as tribute and Jungkook takes it eagerly.
He’s always loved fiddling with his hyungs’ hands, big or little. Spreading and compressing fingers, massaging and pressing to see skin blanch and then pink, tip tapping in rhythmic patterns only he can predict. The contact seems to calm him, and while Yoongi would rather get his baby to sleep, he’ll take what he can get.
Yoongi’s phone vibrates softly. “Bzzzz, bubblebee,” Jungkook mumbles, but he doesn’t even sit up to snoop at the notification like he usually would, too occupied with Hyung’s fingernails. And maybe that’s for the best, because when Yoongi uses his free hand to unlock his phone, he’s surprised to see that it’s a text from Seokjin. Two, actually. One now, and one that he must have missed during all the crying earlier.
SJ: Just landed safely at LAX. Catching another flight to New York in about an hour. Have you all forgotten your Hyung yet? I can feel myself wasting away as I fade from your memories. The light…is dimming….
SJ: I know you’re not asleep, you’re practically nocturnal. Answer your hyung!!
Yoongi smiles. Somehow, the scolding makes him feel lighter.
YG: hyung
YG: hi. glad you landed safely. did you get any sleep on the plane?
SJ: A little. It’s morning here so I’m going to stay up until evening to try and beat jet lag. How are things at home?
YG: jungkookie slipped as soon as you left. he’s having a tough time.
SJ: Oh, my baby
SJ: Did he eat okay? Did he nap? He must have cried a lot, did you give him water to rehydrate?
YG: he refused water but he took diluted juice in his superhero cup. no nap today.
SJ: Early bedtime?
YG: we didn’t push. i finally have him in bed now, but he’s having trouble falling asleep.
SJ: Can I video call? Or is he too settled?
He glances down. Jungkook’s brows are knit tightly, lips pressed into a frown as he kneads at Yoongi’s palm. He seems exhausted, but then again—he’s looked that way all night, and here he is, still wide awake. Worst case scenario, hanging up the call leaves Jungkook just as wrecked as the first time they said goodbye. Best case scenario, Seokjin’s voice is exactly what their baby needs. Risk, reward.
Yoongi finds himself willing to weather any of it as long as Jungkook gets a few minutes of comfort, so he sends a thumbs up emoji and waits.
The call starts up the vibrations again, longer this time, and Jungkook wipes his nose on his sleeve as he finally looks towards the phone. “Buzzy bee stuck in there, Hyung. ‘S okay?”
“There’s no bee in there, sweet boy. Somebody is calling us.”
“Who’s it? For Jungoogie?”
“Let’s see,” Yoongi says, smiling. “Press this button to answer it.”
Jungkook misses the first time he reaches to poke the screen, but lands on the second, and after a few seconds of loading animation—
Jungkook freezes in place, eyes wide and mouth falling open as he sees who just appeared on the screen, looking tired and a little disheveled, but familiar as ever. That’s…that’s…
“Jinnie-hyung?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. It’s Jinnie-hyung,” Seokjin says softly. “I heard my little boy had a rough day.”