Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Wind flies over Blitzø’s face as it carries the ash from his cigarette to the air. He takes a drag, peering around at the foot traffic around him on the busy street. While sitting upon the cold railings between the road and the sidewalk, he blows smoke past his lips as his eyes search around the faces of the pedestrians passing him by.

Until, finally, he hears a familiar voice call out to him.

“Blitzø! Over here!”

Following this voice, Blitzø glances to his left. His heart immediately jumps.

Out of his usual regal attire, Stolas almost has an entirely different aura about him. Though his dress is still very refined, his effeminate casualwear truly defines his character. His puffy balloon sleeves billow in the wind as his arms swing by his side, and his long, midnight-blue trousers accentuate the elegance of his legs as he walks down the street. Strips of fabric from the pretty thin bows tied around his collar, sleeves and hips whip against his long body in the breeze. Blitzø’s eyes travel the entire length of him, from his heels to the fluttering feathers sweeping across his face, enraptured in the beautiful sight of him.

When Stolas brushes his hair back with his hand, his vision clears and his gaze meets with Blitzø. The moment he sees him, Stolas can’t contain his excitement. His expression softens. His face flushes and his eyes spill with happiness.

Blitzø will never get tired of how Stolas reacts upon seeing him. He just feels so desperately loved by him…

As Stolas approaches him, he places his hand upon his own chest, saying with bated breath, “I’m so sorry, darling. I hope I haven’t kept you waiting. I may have gotten carried away with looking for an outfit to wear for today…”

“You’re fine, don’t worry about it. I haven’t been waiting long.” Blitzø assures him, sounding a little distant as he’s still caught up in gazing at his appearance.

When he takes another puff of his cigarette, Stolas notices it between his fingers.

“You’re smoking?”

“Hm? Oh… yeah.”

“I didn’t know you smoked, um… outside the bedroom.”

“It’s become sort of a habit now. It feels too good to have one right after we fuck. Considering how often we’ve been doing it, I think I’ve become a little addicted.”

Upon hearing this, Stolas blushes uncontrollably. He absolutely can’t deny how much they’ve had sex recently. It’s like they’ve become horny teenagers, unable to contain themselves and practically ripping off each other’s clothes whenever they get to see each other. Stolas throws his hands to his cheeks, feeling his own warmth against his skin. Still, a wobbly smile comes upon his lips as his mind races with lewd memories… recalling every erotic encounter they’ve recently had. His whole body burns like fire.

Blitzø grins wide, flashing his fangs. “You gotta stop making such a sexy face, Stols. I can see what you’re thinking.”

“Ah! I’m sorry!” Stolas flusters, covering his whole face now with his hands, but he only blushes harder. “I… I must admit, I really love doing it with you… I apologise if I’ve been initiating it a little too much lately…”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ve always known how thirsty you are. It’s not anything I wasn’t prepared for.” Blitzø tells him, amused. “Maybe we should tone it down a little since it’s all we seem to be doing these days.”

“You’re right. I’d hate it if I ever made it seem like that’s all I want from you…”

As Blitzø peers at Stolas – fidgeting anxiously with his thumbs – Blitzø smiles at him gently then.

Since they’ve become a couple, they communicate so much better. Stolas has really come to understand how he used to make Blitzø feel, which has made him hyper-aware of how he treats him now. Stolas makes the extra effort to make sure he won’t repeat past mistakes, and everything he says and does now truly reflects his desire to treasure him. It’s beyond anything Blitzø expected… beyond anything he ever hoped for.

He really loves how Stolas makes him feel now. The progress they’ve made is amazing, and Blitzø is so grateful for how far they’ve come and where they are now. Because right here, right now… this moment with him has made all the turbulence of the past completely worth it.

Blitzø leans forward, moving his body closer to Stolas from the high railing, and playfully says, “Instead of just fucking you all the time, how about we just settle for more cuddling instead? Would that be enough to satisfy you?”

Stolas’ eyes grow wide. Shocked. He’s not quite used to how affectionate Blitzø can be. For so long, he was accustomed to being rejected over and over again. So times like these really surprise him.

Still, he would never refuse it. Pure happiness beams from his large smile.

“Oh I’d absolutely love that! Please do! Hug me as much as you’d like!”

Stolas is practically bouncing on his heel, sharing a loving gaze with Blitzø, until he suddenly staggers to a halt. His expression contorts as he tries to hide his burgeoning feelings. Because despite all of this, Stolas really loves having sex with him. He just loves it so much, so he’s truly conflicted. An internal battle wages on inside of him – the part that longs for Blitzø’s affection, and the part that lusts irrevocably for him. 

Stolas bites his lip, desperately trying to quell the hopeless pervert inside.

For Blitzø, he’s just too easy to read. Blitzø cocks an eyebrow, grinning, “You’re making it really fucking hard for me to restrain myself when you look so down for it, y’know.”

“I’m so sorry…” Stolas says. But he doesn’t sound like he means it.

With a sigh, Blitzø shakes his head, resigning himself completely. Because he knows he’d let Stolas get away with anything at this point.

“Ah well, it’s no big deal.” He says, finishing the cigarette and flicking it aside. Then, he stands upon the rail and leans so close to Stolas to the point where their faces are mere inches away. He tells him with a confident smirk, “I don’t mind whatever we do. I just want to be with you as much as possible.”

Stolas catches his breath in his throat. He gasps so harshly, a shudder comes over him. He blushes intensely, and hearts form in his white pinprick pupils. This is more than he could’ve ever hoped for.

“...that’s all I want as well.” Stolas tells him in a shredded whisper, his heart truly on his tongue. “Oh, I can’t wait anymore, my love. Please, let’s go back to yours. Quickly.”

As Stolas stretches out his eager hand, Blitzø sighs again with a smile. He knows what they’ll probably end up doing.

But he doesn’t care. This time around, he feels safe and secure knowing that Stolas loves him. He understands him better now. He can feel it in his touch, in his words, in the way he clearly cherishes him… Blitzø no longer doubts his intentions, no matter what they do together.

He knows it now. For certain.

He really does love him.

…

I’m so happy.

Is this a dream? It has to be…

There’s no way this could be real.

I’m really here with you, Blitzø…

My dear love.

I’ve always loved you.

It’s always been you.

Always.

These thoughts roll continuously around Stolas’ mind as he cuddles up close to Blitzø on his sofa with a blanket wrapped around them. Blitzø sits comfortably between his legs as Stolas leans his body against Blitzø’s back, resting his chin over Blitzø’s shoulder. His arms are wrapped around Blitzø’s waist, holding him close. Though the television is on, Stolas doesn’t pay attention to it at all. His eyes are closed, experiencing peace.

He could truly live here. His mind is completely consumed with love.

“It’s always been you, Blitzø…” Stolas idly says in this blissful state.

“Huh? What’s always been me?”

“Oh… I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

“Well now I’m even more curious. C’mon, what’s always been me?”

“Um, w-well…” Stolas is a little bashful, but he eventually admits, “...in truth, I was just thinking that… I’ve always been in love with you. Ever since we were children. That’s what I mean… it’s always been you.”

“Huh?!” Blitzø didn’t expect this surprise attack. He’s suddenly all flustered as he shifts around in Stolas’ arms, too embarrassed now to look at him directly. A small blush appears on his face. Then, he tries not to stammer, “No way… really? You liked me all the way back then?”

Surprising him once again, Stolas nuzzles his face right next to Blitzø, gently rubbing his cheek to his.

“Yes. I have. I’ve loved you since then.”

Like a knee-jerk reaction, Blitzø throws his face the other way as it all starts to get a little too much. Stolas is being so fucking loving, it’s causing a chaos of emotions to erupt within him. Blitzø’s face is completely flushed now, but he doesn’t want to let it show. 

But Stolas is relentless. He bends down and presses his lips to the curve of Blitzø’s neck, kissing him softly on the exposed skin. Blitzø flinches, suddenly feeling incredibly sensitive.

“It was love at first sight. I’m sure of it. Ever since the first time I saw you…” Stolas whispers, moving his lips slowly over Blitzø’s neck.

He can hear Blitzø’s breathing become hollow, losing himself to the feeling. His head lolls to the side, exposing more of his skin for Stolas to access. Gladly, Stolas takes this opportunity to kiss him longer, gradually moving his lips along the arc of his neck, softly claiming him, eagerly loving him.

As this goes on, Blitzø slowly moves to take Stolas’ hand from his waist and intertwines it with his. The way he laces his fingers with his and squeezes him reflects how much Blitzø is really feeling this, but the atmosphere is much too sweet and gentle. It’s less amorous, and more heart-wrenching. Stolas can feel it in the way Blitzø holds on to him desperately – he’s aching from all of this. Stolas’ touch, Stolas’ words… it’s reaching him and affecting him immensely.

The corners of Stolas’ mouth turn up into a smile, and Blitzø can feel the shape of it imprinted on his skin. Stolas can’t believe he’s making him feel this way… he can’t believe his love is being received like this. He thought he’d always have to live with his feelings being unrequited, and he’d never have a place to express all this love. Now that he can, and moreover, receives the gift of having his love returned…

He could cry. He just might.

He loves Blitzø so much.

He loves him. He loves him.

“I love you.” Stolas confirms it out loud.

Blitzø takes an incredibly deep breath.

After hearing those words, he has to take a moment to really feel them. It’s as if the fluttering feelings they evoke need some time to travel the whole length of his body, and he exhales as a sense of calm comes over him in the aftermath. He’s experiencing the kind of happiness he always craved and never thought he’d get. It’s beautiful. It’s overwhelming…

“Do you love me too, Blitzø?” Stolas asks, travelling up to kiss along the curve of his jaw.

Suddenly, Blitzø stiffens. He struggles internally for a while. When his mouth opens, Stolas can tell the words are stuck in his throat… but he just can’t get them out.

Regressing to his usual defensive nature, Blitzø gives up quickly and turns away.

“You know how I feel…”

“I do. You’ve told me once before.” Stolas says patiently. “But I want to hear you say it again.”

“I… ugh…” Blitzø really struggles, frustrated with himself. He knows this is something he must overcome. “It’s… not easy for me to say it. It’s not that I don’t want to, don’t get it twisted. It’s just that… I don’t really say it to anyone. Not with the kind of conviction that you do. The meaning is too heavy. I don’t want to just throw it around. Saying… that… comes from a seriously deep part of myself… shit, I don’t know how to explain it well, but… that place has been locked up for so long. It’s not easy to just come out and say it. I feel it. Fuck , I feel it. But saying it just… gives it so much weight. It doesn’t just become a feeling anymore.”

“I understand. But, y’know… it’d make me really happy if you did say it.”

When Stolas tells him this, Blitzø finally turns around to him. Locking eyes with him at last.

Because something as simple as that has completely convinced him.

He knows saying it would absolutely make Stolas happy… he knows how much it would mean to him… and that alone completely dismantles his resolve.

That deep part of Blitzø that he spoke about unlocks as if the cage that bound him had crumbled to nothing. Stolas penetrates him so easily, piercing through his walls and breaking down everything he built around him to keep himself safe.

And hiding within that place, there’s so much fucking love.

Wanting to love. Wanting to be loved.

Wanting to make Stolas just as happy as he makes him.

Wanting to love Stolas so, so much.

Like a spring, a burst dam, a struck pipeline… it blossoms within.

Blitzø holds his gaze. His pupils tremble.

“I love you, Stolas.”

A shaky breath passes Stolas’ lips. He’s so… so happy. 

His eyes become watery, but he somehow holds back the tears. His smile is wide and uncontrollable. Stolas can’t believe it. He seriously can’t believe this is real. He’s just so incredibly overjoyed and he can’t hide it. His arm tightens around his waist as he squeezes him tight in his embrace, pulling him as close to his heart as possible… truly feeling like he belongs to him. 

Blitzø lets the words linger in the air for a little while. His heartbeat is going crazy. There’s not a moment where he feels settled. Now that he’s admitted his love out loud, it feels so much more concrete. Irreversible. He can really feel the weight of it now.

And it’ll only get worse from here. He knows it now. He’s just going to fall deeper and deeper.

“...that’s the first time I’ve said that to a lover.” Blitzø confesses, a little dazed.

Stolas brings his hand to Blitzø’s face, cupping him gently in his palm.

“This is the first time I’ve been together like this with someone I love.” He softly tells him.

After a while of wordlessly looking at each other, the two of them are overcome with an eruption of feelings for one another. They seamlessly come together and hold each other in their arms. Blitzø buries himself in his embrace, feeling so safe in his arms, and Stolas bundles him up close to his chest, feeling his thumping heart beating hard against him.

“I love you.” Stolas says with a contented sigh. “My dear first love… you can love me all you want.”

“Stolas…”

“Yeah?”

“...I love you.”

“I know. I love you, too. My darling…”

“I love you.”

“Mhm. I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you…”

“I love you…”

…

Chapter Text

Blitzø watches the clock on the wall from his office, impatiently waiting for the dial to spin around. The longer he watches, the slower time goes by. He hates waiting, he hates it so much. He’s been waiting all this time and it’s not been easy at all. Today has been the hardest it’s ever been.

Because for nearly two months, Blitzø has been unable to see Stolas while he’s travelling away for his work.

Every time Blitzø is performing his executions on Earth, he finds a moment to stop and stare for a while at the sky. Amongst the stars… he’s somewhere up there, making his discoveries and studying the far reaches of the galaxy… so distant, and so far away…

He misses him. This is the longest they’ve been away from each other since they've become a couple, and it actually aches. It really aches. They’ve been together for a while now, and they were seeing each other most days, so this sudden separation has been really difficult to adjust to. Blitzø didn’t realise how hard it would be until he experienced this. It’s a shock to the system to learn. He just doesn’t feel the same without him. He’s barely able to cope without hearing his voice, at least once. 

He longs for him so much. He wants to hear his reassuring words, feel his soft touch… have his long arms wrapped around him and fall asleep in his embrace. All those mundane, comforting moments he shared with Stolas before now have suddenly become everything he misses. He really took advantage of simply being next to him. Because he’d give anything to go back to that time.

Today should be the day Stolas returns from his excursion. Blitzø has it marked on his calendar, and he’s been excruciatingly crossing off days he’s had to pain-stakingly wait until today. On the space where today’s date is shown, he’s written Stolas’ name in loud, scarlet letters. Blitzø surprises himself by how much he’s able to express this much love after living a life of pain and rejection. It’s like it’s sat dormant in the deep recesses of him, waiting all this time for Stolas to come along and receive it.

Blitzø is a little embarrassed from what’s come over him… but really, if he's being honest with himself, he’s the happiest he’s ever been.

Stolas just makes him so happy. More than he thought he could ever be. So this separation has truly been painful…

Finally, the time comes. The clock displays the end of the work shift. The literal second that the time is shown, Blitzø throws himself out of his office and passively waves to his employees in the front room.

“Later guys, I gotta go! Thanks for locking up!”

Everyone knows exactly why he’s in such a rush. All this time, they noticed how miserable and distant Blitzø had been during Stolas’ absence. It was a little upsetting to watch. So, as much as Moxxie and Millie pass each other knowing glances, and Loona rolls her eyes around… all three of them are happy for him today. They’re relieved, knowing this is everything Blitzø has been waiting for. They wish for his happiness to last.

After running all the way back home, Blitzø paces around the floor of his apartment. Loona will be out for the night so when Stolas finally arrives, they can have the privacy they need. But with so much empty space and quiet noise, Blitzø is going insane. He sits on the sofa, gets up from the sofa, enters his room, lies down on his bed, sits up on his bed… going back and forth, up and down… there’s not a moment where he stays still. He’s too impatient. Too anxious.

He wants to see him already. He can’t stand this. He wants Stolas here with him right now. It aches. It really aches…

Suddenly… finally… a portal rips open in the centre of his bedroom. Blitzø was lying back on his bed, staring restlessly at his ceiling, when the portal grabs his immediate attention and he suddenly springs to his knees, grabbing the edge of his mattress. He takes a fistful of the bedsheets as his eyes grow wide, unblinking, watching the slit of the glowing portal grow wide.

“Blitzø!!”

Ah. His voice.

Blitzø chokes on a shaky breath of air, swallowing the urge to cry.

Before he knew it, Stolas had burst through the portal at full force, and jumped into Blitzø’s embrace. Blitzø somehow manages to catch him, though he hangs off the bed as Stolas claws his fingers into his shirt on his back. Blitzø holds him around his shoulders, desperately clinging on to him, absolutely refusing to let him go.

It’s amazing. This feeling is amazing. Blitzø is so, so happy to have him back in his arms like this. Everything about this is familiar and comforting. He feels like he’s complete again. The terrible longing he’s felt all this time has instantly withered away. A burst of euphoria traverses through him. He’s so happy. He buries his face into Stolas’ hair, feeling acquainted once more with the touch of his soft feathers brushing over his skin. He’s missed this. He’s missed him so much. 

Fuck, I missed you so fucking much, Stolas…

Stolas feels the same. He breathes in the smell of him as his face nuzzles close to Blitzø’s chest. It’s been the most difficult time for him too. As much as he loves his work and enjoys what he does… it was the loneliest time of his life. Every step he took farther away from the Earth felt like torture. Looking over his shoulder, he’d see nothing but the beautiful cluster of stars, planets and galaxies surrounding him, and in the far off distance… so far that it was barely a speck on his radar… he’d see that’s where his love resides, waiting for him.

So many times Stolas wanted to return early on his trip. So many times he wanted to come back home, just for a second, and see Blitzø there. Just to see him. That’s all he wanted. But he knew that he couldn’t, otherwise it’d only prolong the trip. Another day more and it would’ve truly been Hell.

Now that he's finally finished his work and returned to his warm embrace… it’s the greatest feeling. Tears swell in his eyes. He can’t help it. A surge of emotions come over him as he truly realises how much he’s missed him. He’s so grateful to be able to come back home to him like this. He feels loved… he feels so much love for him…

“Welcome back, Stolas.” Blitzø tells him, his voice so strangely tender.

“It’s so nice to be back here with you…” Stolas says, his words trembling, full of emotion. “Finally… after all this time… all I want to do is spoil you as much as possible…”

Stolas wastes no time as he starts placing sweet kisses over every place he can touch – Blitzø’s neck, up to his jaw, around his face… Blitzø bites his lip as he’s assaulted by the sudden onslaught of Stolas’ affections. But when Stolas hovers over Blitzø’s mouth, hesitating to kiss him there for a moment, Stolas pulls back to lovingly look at him.

“It was so unbearable being away from you for so long, my darling. I missed you more and more everyday. It really made me realise how much I always want to stay by your side… holding your hand like this.”

Stolas slips his fingers between Blitzø’s, and intertwines them gently. Once more, this feeling is so familiar… it’s everything they both wanted this whole time. 

“Blitzø, will you always stay by my side from now on?”

Almost immediately, Blitzø pulls at Stolas’ hand so that his body crashes against him, and his face is mere inches away from his.

“...don’t you already know what my answer will be?” He says, steadfast with a confident grin. “I fell in love with you a long time ago. I’m already yours.”

Those words shoot like arrows through Stolas’ chest. An uncontrollable blush and a shaky smile comes upon his face. Before he can stop himself, he’s laughing like a child. Then, overcome with all these chaotic emotions, Stolas springs on his heels and pounces on top of Blitzø, throwing his arms around him as he tackles him to the bed.

They fall against the mattress, both of them laughing like young boys. Blitzø hugs Stolas’ shoulders, not able to bear separating himself for a single second, while Stolas snuggles his face into the crook of Blitzø’s neck, feeling completely at home there.

When their laughter dies, and a comfortable silence falls over them, Stolas moves to slowly lift himself over Blitzø… looking down at him with admiring eyes. This is everything he’s wanted – to see Blitzø there. Watching him simply breathe. Seeing him exist. Stolas greedily leans forward, wanting more and more as he gently captures Blitzø’s lips, kissing him softly. There’s no sense of urgency, no need to rush this… Stolas just wants to take his time feeling him again. Blitzø matches his pace. They’ve just gone so long without this. Now they want to feel accustomed again, expressing how they feel for each other in the best way they know how.

They kiss so slowly at first, melting the shape of their lips together at a pace so slow and so gradual, the pauses in between felt just as good as the moments they connect. It’s as though their hearts needed time to catch up with these feelings. Then, they hurry the pace as passion eventually runs wild, no longer suppressing how much they’ve ached for this all this time. They were desperate for this – embarrassingly so. Tongues pry each other’s mouths open, hands venture everywhere, hungrily claiming more of each other. Blitzø runs his fingers through Stolas’ feathers, Stolas curves his palms around Blitzø’s body… it’s passionate, but it’s not enough to be erotic. There was too much sadness to give in to carnal desires. Too much hurt that needed repair.

Stolas gently moves his mouth to brush over Blitzø’s face, whispering close to him,

“How do you feel when I’m not by your side, Blitzø?”

Disgruntled by this prompt, Blitzø frowns.

“You should know how I feel.”

“Maybe… even so, I want to hear it from you.” Stolas says quietly, leaning close to the side of his face so his voice reverberates within him. “Please, Blitzø. Tell me with your words.”

Blitzø is quiet for a moment. He struggles, his facial expression twisting with an amalgamation of emotions. Then, finally, he tightens his embrace around Stolas’ body… aching so much for him… feeling so vulnerable and pained at the thought of him not being there…

“...I was lonely without you.”

Hearing this, Stolas lifts himself up to look at Blitzø then. His face is an even brighter shade of red, but to Stolas, he looks so beautiful. Blitzø’s eyes dart away and sweat builds on his forehead, clearly floundering as his embarrassment gets a little too much. Even so, Stolas is immensely grateful. He smiles so wide at him now.

“You’re so cute…” Stolas softly says, leaning forward to kiss him gently.

Blitzø doesn’t protest. Rather, he’s swept away by this. Stolas steals his heart. He feels like he can truly be honest, without the pain of having his emotions rejected. Hesitantly, he opens up just a little more…

“I think I understand better now… how much I’m in love with you. All I could think about was you… touching you like this…” Blitzø says, brushing his fingers through the flurry of Stolas’ silver plumage, and hearing Stolas deeply breathing from how it feels. He can feel him shiver. Every single moment of this is so much more meaningful than it’s ever been. “I think I’m lost without you, Stolas.”

Not able to take much more of this, Stolas throws his arms around Blitzø’s shoulders and hugs him tight. His heartbeat is beating so incredibly hard, and it’s bursting with pure joy… and love… so much love…

“I really love hearing your feelings like this, Blitzø. I really… really love it.” Stolas tells him, squeezing him more, “I’ll work hard to spend as much time with you as I can. I’ll become stronger to support you and our family. I swear, I’ll always be there for you. In times when we’re apart, I’ll do my best to come back to you. I’ll always come back to you… you’re my home.”

Blitzø holds him close, feeling those words reach the deepest parts of him.

“I love you.”

“I love you, my darling.”

…

Chapter Text

The ethereal glow of the full moon reflects on Blitzø’s skin as sweat clings to all his edges. He perches below Stolas’ grand arched window, leaning his elbow against the ledge. His eyes gaze up at the sky, looking lethargically at the dark crimson shade of Hell’s landscape. It appears like a whole different world from here. Down in the distance, there’s poverty, danger, the smell of death eroding the environment… while the inside of Stolas’ bedroom is sordid in its own way, it’s still so regal and refined, so detached from the filth down below.

But Blitzø knows that’s where he comes from. It’s where he belongs. Staying here in this bedroom is only temporary… just a taste of something out of his reach. It’s a fantasy. That’s all it is.

He takes a long drag of his cigarette and blows smoke to the sky. His mind is lost to some deep wayward thought when he’s suddenly joined by Stolas, coming up behind and wrapping his long arms around him. He moves slowly, as to not startle Blitzø too much, and gently holds him as if he’s a precious thing.

It aches. The weight of him is heavy, but Blitzø endures it. The feeling is too addicting, more intense than a cigarette.

Stolas is at the centre of this fantasy where Blitzø swears he can actually taste a hint of love. But before he’s swept away, he reminds himself that this is all a lie. None of this is real. Even so, he clings to this faux life as if he’s really living this happiness… as if he’s being loved.

In these moments, when Stolas holds him so close and so tenderly, Blitzø could actually be tempted to ask for more. He won’t. He absolutely won’t. But that doesn’t stop the urge from being there. Even if it’s suppressed to the deepest parts of him… locking it up so tight that he even denies it being there.

Because he knows how insignificant and replaceable he is. To someone as prestigious and otherworldly as Stolas, Blitzø is just a passing fancy. Blitzø is nothing to him. He knows the moment he shows a faint interest in something more between them… something deeper… he’d be thrown away. So he can’t show an ounce of his true feelings, and definitely not a slither of his weaknesses, otherwise he could risk scaring him away. He absolutely can’t. He truly fears being thrown away and rejected.

Blitzø is a mess of problems, resolved and unresolved. Many times over, those who have loved him in his past wished they never met him. They’ve grown to resent and despise him, poisoning how he views himself now. The collection of scars from his traumas only make him believe he causes nothing but hurt and conflict, and that he doesn’t deserve the love he craves.

So, to protect himself, Blitzø clings to the shadow of whatever this is with Stolas. While warm in his embrace, feeling the softness of his feathers brushing up against his body, he can pretend that the intense pacing of his heart is something resembling love. It’s twisted and artificial… but he needs this… he needs Stolas…

He needs his warmth. He needs his hands holding him. The more Stolas demands him, the more he can feed this ravenous delusion of feeling loved by him.

After finishing his cigarette, Blitzø curls his hand sensually around Stolas’ head, brushing his fingers through the unkempt state of his hair, and pulls him down with a yank. He captures Stolas’ lips with a kiss, lecherously slipping his tongue into his mouth and claiming him. The erotic nature of it replaces the need for it to be sweet. It’s the only way Blitzø can bear it. Stolas moans, immediately falling under Blitzø’s influence as his back arches, overwhelmed by the force of Blitzø’s onslaught.

“...did you think only doing it once would be enough to satisfy me?” Blitzø tells him, his low voice rough, like a growl. “It wasn’t enough for you either, was it? I know you by now… how about another round?”

Like a switch, Stolas’ eyes are now laden with lust.

“Yes… please… hold me, Blitzø…” He asks, his voice as soft as a sigh, lifting his arms up and opening his body to be embraced. 

Mine.

These are the times that Blitzø feels like Stolas belongs to him; when his services are an excuse to hold him close. He bends down, taking his body and pressing it against his. The scent of him hits like home.

The longing for more stings just a little, but this surface-level intimacy is just enough to heal his wounds. Though his heart still bleeds, the way that Stolas begs him for more… more… moaning, gasping, screaming more… Blitzø can feel wanted in a way that makes him feel safe and in control.

All the while, he has no idea that Stolas mirrors his feelings exactly.

Desperately wanting more from him too.

…

After a few more rounds of sex, Blitzø lays exhausted in the centre of the bed. His arms and legs are tangled amongst the mess of bedsheets and feathers. He’s completely spent, drained, but feeling physically fulfilled. Though he ignores his empty heart yearning for more, he’d rather focus on how good his body feels right now. It may feel a little hollow, but it’s what he desperately clings to.

From the edge of the bed, Stolas returns from the kitchen with two cups of coffee in hand. Blitzø drags himself up and takes one. He notices how the mug he’s holding is familiar. It’s strange, but he feels acquainted with the shape of its rounded bottom and the elegant curve of its handle.

When he observes its colour and shape, Blitzø finally asks, “Have I been using this exact same mug every time I come over here?”

“Yes. I always use that one when I make you a drink… you’re the only one who uses it now, so it may as well be yours.”

Feeling a little conflicted about this, Blitzø inspects the mug. The shape of it is unusual for a typical coffee mug. It’s crimson-red with white indented patterns etched into the ceramic. Then, as he peers over to the cup in Stolas’ hand, he notices how the shape of it is identical with a similar indented pattern… but the colour is lilac. Still, they’re a matching pair.

“You always use that one for yourself, too…” Blitzø comments idly.

“Ah, yeah, I do. I’m actually very fond of them. The shape, the colours, the patterns… I just like everything about them. I think they’re just right.”

The way Stolas says this sinks into his heart. Something about what he says leaves a real lasting impression, like a pinching splinter.

Quietly, Blitzø takes a sip of his coffee. Feeling pleasantly warm.

…

Another full moon cycle passes. Blitzø is summoned once again to Stolas’ home.

This time, Blitzø decides to be the one to make them coffee. He’s familiar with the layout of Stolas’ quarters now to locate the kitchen, and heats up the kettle as he climbs up the counters to search around for some mugs. After looking around in the cabinets for some time, he stumbles upon the place where Stolas keeps the mugs they used last time. Blitzø remembers the conversation they had. Though it was such a throwaway comment, Blitzø just can’t forget how Stolas described these mugs. His words have stuck deep into him involuntarily.

He takes out the matching pair of mugs and pours the coffee granules and water inside… rather haphazardly.

When he returns to the bedroom with the coffee in hand, he finds Stolas waiting patiently from the bed. He’s stretching his arms out after waking from a short nap. Though Blitzø pauses to stare for a moment, drinking in the vision of him, Blitzø finally approaches the bed and hands Stolas the lilac cup. Stolas barely has his eyes open as he listlessly takes it.

“Mm… is it morning already?”

“No, it’s still night. I just fucked you so hard you passed out.” Blitzø says, blunt as ever.

The callousness of his words makes Stolas a little flustered, and he blushes uncontrollably from the memories rushing through his conscious mind now. But as he brings the mug to his lips, Stolas’ eyes finally flutter open. 

“Ah…”

“What? Does it taste bad?” Blitzø asks, joining him in bed with his own drink in hand.

“No, it’s just… I’ve noticed you’ve used my mug…”

“Yeah, you said it was your favourite, right?” Blitzø says, lifting up his own drink to show him, though he’s suddenly feeling a little sheepish for doing so. “Look. I made mine in this one… y’know, the one you said was mine now…”

Stolas stares at him for a while. He’s quiet. Blitzø suddenly feels self-conscious and his body grows hot. He doesn’t understand why. Then, he’s surprised when Stolas breaks out into a smile.

“You remembered.” He says softly, happily. “So you remember little things like this… how nice…”

The way Stolas curls his hands over the mug looks as though he’s hugging it. He brings it closer to him, holding it preciously. Then, he closes his eyes, and childlike joy is expressed on his face – smiling beautifully, flushing warmly.

Blitzø is supremely embarrassed. He didn’t mean for this. He can’t understand why such a small detail has stayed with him.

Even so… he’s glad it did.

Stolas’ reaction is everything. Making him smile like this… it’s strangely euphoric. Blitzø averts his gaze, hiding his face away from where Stolas can see… as he breaks into a smile too.

Happy to have made him happy.

…

Once more, another full moon cycle passes. Blitzø arrives at Stolas’ residence again.

After a couple rounds of sex, both of them stated that they should stop for something to eat. They’ve worked up an appetite this time round.

As Stolas slips into his mauve robe, letting it fall sensually off his shoulders, Blitzø shuffles into his boxers and grabs whatever shirt he can find. There’s a white blouse hanging off the arm of Stolas’ chaise lounge and Blitzø half-heartedly shifts his arms through, rolling up the sleeves as much as he can as the length of it practically drapes over his entire body. He doesn’t bother buttoning it up.

The two of them walk down the halls towards the kitchen, and while Stolas goes to work gathering ingredients for something quick to make, Blitzø wanders over to the table at the far end of the kitchen. He sits on a seat beneath a luxurious stained-glass window, and the evening light from outside casts into the room a gorgeous display of sparkling colours. He glances over at Stolas, watching him pace up and down the kitchen with food in his hands.

There’s something strangely satisfying from simply observing Stolas like this. The pair of them are usually so caught up in having sex, they never really see each other doing much else. Domestic moments like these are such a rare occurrence. Blitzø’s delusions slowly come into full effect. If he allows himself to get carried away, he can envision Stolas making them dinner like this every night… while he watches the slender curve of his wrists work over the counter for hours…

Blitzø stares with his face in his palms. His mind is drifting, and his thoughts are hopelessly romantic…

But he catches himself falling too deep. Quickly, he shakes his head, disciplining himself and suppressing his emotions. He can’t. He can’t do this. If he wants to keep himself safe, he has to distance himself. Blitzø frowns. He hates how easily susceptible he is to the allure of his own desires… he feels horrendously complicated about this.

Rubbing his forehead and internally scolding himself, Blitzø asks, “Hey, how about some coffee? I’m feeling a little exhausted…”

“Sure. Could you fill the kettle for me while I get our mugs?”

Blitzø’s heart does an involuntary flip. Our mugs. Ignoring it harshly, Blitzø jumps down from his seat to join him.

The counters are too high for Blitzø to see over, so he springs on his heels to perch on the countertop. He takes the kettle and runs water into it from the tap nearby. Meanwhile, Stolas takes the red and lilac mugs from the cabinet and goes to place it beside him…

But as he releases the red mug, Stolas suddenly flinches. Wincing in pain.

“Ouch!”

“What happened?” Blitzø immediately asks.

“Ah… the cup is a little broken. It must’ve cracked when I washed it last time.”

“Oh. Well, it’s no big deal, it doesn’t look too–”

Shattering ceramic sounds fill the room.

Blitzø freezes. His whole body tenses.

The mug is dropped inside the trash compactor at Stolas’ side. There wasn’t a moment’s hesitation. Stolas simply let it fall from his hand. There wasn’t a single emotion emanating from his eyes.

He had no second thought at all when he made the decision to dispose of it.

Blitzø’s wide eyes stare at the splinters of his mug, laid in a fractured pile in the garbage bag. He can’t blink. He can barely breathe.

All he can focus on are the fragile broken pieces, devastated and mutilated… destroyed and forgotten… 

Stolas turns back over to Blitzø. He immediately notices the state of him – his face is pale, frozen in horrified panic. 

“What's wrong?”

No weakness. No weakness.

Don't let it show. Don't let it show.

Immediately, as if he rehearsed it, Blitzø masks his true feelings as his eyes become blank.

Unfeeling. Apathetic. 

“...it's nothing.”

…

Again, a full moon cycle passes. However, this time around, something is blatantly different. 

From the moment Blitzø arrived, all the way through their time in the bedroom, Blitzø is emotionally distant. Stolas can feel it. He senses it in the way Blitzø keeps him at arm's length, the way he avoids prolonged eye contact, and especially in the way he speaks. His voice is absent. His thoughts are far away. Blitzø clearly isn't present.

Stolas is horribly anxious. He feels Blitzø slipping away and it hurts. During their most passionate moments while he has Blitzø in his arms, he tightens his grasp around him. He knows it's most likely what Blitzø wants the least, but Stolas is desperate. He clings to him, clawing his fingers into his skin as he moans like a silent cry. He's so reluctant to let him go. He wants him so much. He wants to be his so badly. He just doesn’t know how he can do it…

Because now he feels like he's losing him.

He wonders… is what he's giving him not enough?

Is he not good enough?

He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand…

Meanwhile, Blitzø is hurting too. He’s pained from all this. Out of all the times they've been together, entangling their bodies and losing themselves in each other, this is the most it's felt disjointed. Something’s not right. They both feel it. But Blitzø just can't allow himself to fall any further into the depths of this… he can't, he just can't… 

To protect himself, he can't let himself get carried away… 

He avoids looking at Stolas for too long. He restricts himself from touching him too much. But all of this is just so painful. It's like ripping himself away from an addiction. As Stolas pulls him down, desperately holding him close and locking their bodies together… how can Blitzø refuse? How could he ever? This is everything he wants…

He wants Stolas so much… 

After attempting to make something… anything work… they stop. There’s just too much anxiety between them. Blitzø rolls over, leaving Stolas feeling cold by his side. Blitzø sits up, dangling his legs off the edge of the bed and leans his head in his hands. He's stifling his emotions as best as he can, but there were too many times when he nearly let them show. Tears were threatening to form in the corner of his eyes. He felt chaotic emotions lodge in his throat. He had to shove Stolas away before he could see… before he notices… 

But Stolas is too attuned to Blitzø’s state. Stolas loves him too much not to notice. 

Stolas crawls up the bed, gathering the courage to reach out his hand. 

“Blitzø, please… will you tell me what's wrong?”

“It's nothing, I told you.” He says, gently dissuading him.

His barriers are up and Stolas can’t penetrate them. Stolas withdraws his hand… feeling hopeless and abandoned.

He has no idea that Blitzø is on an emotional brink. He wants to get up and run. He can’t bear the thought of giving this up, but he just can’t keep it together. He tries… he tries so hard… but he feels like he’s about to break…

Just like that mug.

When he finally manages to lift his head… just then, his whole mood shifts. Suddenly everything changes. His eyes spy something crimson in the corner of his vision.

On the bedside table beside him, there’s a tray with two ready-made drinks for the both of them. One is Stolas’ favourite lilac mug… and the other is the exact same design in red.

Blitzø stares at it. Dumbfounded. He doesn’t understand. He saw it smash to pieces. How could it be here? It looks pristine without a single scratch on it.

How? How?

“That mug…” Blitzø says, his voice faint, unable to hide his shock.

“Oh, yes… I bought a new one in the exact same design as before. I just loved it so much, especially since it matches mine. Nothing else felt right.” Stolas replies, completely nonchalant. “I threw the old one away because I didn’t want it to hurt you.”

Blitzø’s hand flies to his mouth, stifling his shock. But he’s just so stunned.

His heartbeat is beating wild. So wild… it feels as though it’ll burst out of his chest.

Prompted by this sudden rush of feelings, Blitzø springs off the bed. He holds himself, grasping at his arms as he feels his whole body grow hot, as if he’s been set alight.

He’s shocked… so shocked… he can’t keep calm. He can’t believe he’s gotten so worked up about this. He keeps glancing at the mug, as if he can’t believe how much his emotions were severely swayed by it… but something as insignificant as this evidently means everything to him. He placed so much emphasis on this little mug, and it completely wrecked him emotionally. That's how much Stolas affects him. That's how much he'll read into any little thing to cling on to this vague relationship with him. 

And after what Stolas just said, suddenly he doesn’t feel so anxious.

Instead… he gets a taste of something like love.

It doesn’t feel fake, or part of some manufactured fantasy… he feels cared for. As if he actually means something.

While he leans against the windowsill of Stolas’ arched bedroom window, Stolas comes up behind him and wraps his long arms around him. Stolas is careful, cautious not to cross any boundaries, but he appears at the right time. Blitzø was staggering from it all, and Stolas has reached out to support him.

This time, Blitzø feels so much more at ease than ever before. He can breathe better. The weight of Stolas against his back feels lighter.

Maybe, he thinks… it’s alright to fall under his spell. Maybe he can fall for that delusion just a little.

Blitzø rests his head back against Stolas’ shoulder.

Feeling warm.

Feeling loved.

…

Chapter Text

In the dead of night, Stolas is walking home through the empty city streets, cutting through slim alleyways and dark corners. Every now and again, he straightens his suit as the folds rumple over his slender figure. He’s dressed all in charcoal black, from his jacket to his undershirt, with only a few finely-tailored scarlet stitchings sewn over the hem of the material. His hair is immaculate, combed back with only a few stray strands purposely curled forward to his cheeks and over his forehead.

If anyone was to take a glance at him, walking with a confident stride – shoulders back, spine straight – they’d see he's not someone to fuck him. His aura is intimidating. As refined as he appears to be, there's an underlying vibe that gives away that he belongs to the underworld.

He keeps on walking, taking his usual route home as he rounds the corner of a deserted alleyway. That's when something unusual catches his eye.

Beneath the spotlight of a blinking streetlamp, Stolas spies a figure passed out amongst a pile of garbage bags. The person is slumped forward so their face is covered by dense dark shadows. Their outfit is a little torn, but not too much where it looks like they’ve been involved in some fight. The black leather jacket over their shoulders has slipped off just slightly, revealing their torso beneath – this person is a little built, despite their small stature.

Finding this all to be very strange, Stolas bends forward to approach this individual. He takes to his knees and holds the stranger’s arms, pulling them up just a touch to bring them into the light…

Then, as this person’s face is revealed under the halo of the streetlamp, Stolas’ eyes widen. He’s a man with tanned skin, and a faint burn mark covering the right side of his face. His features are unlike anything Stolas has ever seen before – he’s undeniably handsome.

Stricken by an urge, Stolas sweeps this stranger into his arms, and carries him bridal style as he continues his journey home.

…

Slowly, Blitzø blinks awake. The first thing he notices is the warmth of a fireplace licking at his body. He feels comfortable, wrapped in softness.

When his consciousness gradually begins to return to him, he turns over his shoulder and discovers himself laying down on an unfamiliar sofa. His head is propped up by a few fluffy pillows, and his body is covered by a blanket he can’t recognise. Looking around the room, he doesn’t know the layout at all. It’s a fairly small room with barely anything in it. Only the warm glow of the fire and the rays of celestial moonlight seeping through the window creates some form of light. Otherwise Blitzø has been abandoned to some strange, dark room… 

Then, timed just right, a door opens from the other side. Blitzø squints his eyes, trying to make out the silhouette of this person, until he finally comes into view.

“You’re awake.” Stolas says, his tone surprisingly gentle.

“You… uh, did you bring me here?” Blitzø asks suspiciously, clearly on edge.

“Yes I did. I found you passed out on the side of the road. Are you alright?”

Stolas approaches him, cautiously perching himself on the far side of the sofa beside Blitzø’s feet. Blitzø sits up, creating a physical distance between the two, though he doesn’t break eye contact for a single second. His large eyes – trembling pupils the colour of an intense crimson — stares down at Stolas… watching his every move.

“Thank you… if it wasn’t for you, I…” Blitzø struggles to find the words, suddenly looking a little lost. “...you saved my life.”

“It’s really alright. I’m just glad you’re safe and nothing bad’s happened to you.”

“I was so scared…” Blitzø says, bending forward to hide his face behind his hands.

Stolas carefully reaches out, and his long fingers place softly over Blitzø’s shoulder, comforting him gently.

“It’s okay… it’s okay… I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I swear you’re safe now. No one will harm you here.”

“Really? Is that true?” Blitzø asks, slowly shuffling forward and letting his head fall against Stolas’ chest. As he does this, Blitzø is a little startled when he hears Stolas’ heartbeat increase…

Then, prompted by this, Stolas moves to wrap his long arms around him in a comforting embrace, cradling Blitzø’s head in his hand as he holds him close. Blitzø returns the embrace, gripping into the back of Stolas’ suit as his fingers dig into the material.

“Yes. I swear, I won’t hurt you…”

“That’s good…” 

Without sparing another second, Blitzø’s sharp fingers drag him down.

Stolas is thrown to the sofa. His back hits the pillows. Hidden underneath Blitzø’s sleeves, the blinding sheen of a small knife quickly slips into his hand as he swings it expertly around to direct the blade towards Stolas’ throat. “...never said I wouldn’t hurt you, though.”

He’s about to swipe the weapon over a critical point in Stolas’ neck… but just before he can manage, Blitzø’s weight is suddenly flipped around.

Taken completely by surprise, Blitzø can’t believe it. It’s as though he’s become weightless. Stolas effortlessly takes the upper hand and shoves him back. Blitzø could have sworn he had Stolas pinned, but it took only moments for Stolas to capture his wrists and restrain him against the sofa. He bounces against the pillows from the sheer force of Stolas’ strength. Even though he has such a slender frame, Stolas is a lot more powerful and skilled than he appears. Blitzø had severely underestimated him.

“Ugh!” Blitzø grunts, enduring the weight of Stolas’ whole body laying down on top of him. He’s so long, there’s too much of him, and he secures his hold of Blitzø by digging his feet into the framework of the sofa. He’s locked Blitzø down. He can barely move.

“So you finally show your true self. I was wondering when you’d quit faking that fragile victim act. It wasn’t fooling me for a single second. Nice try, Blitzy~!”

Stolas purrs with a lecherous smirk, and Blitzø grimaces in reaction.

“That’s not my fucking name, asshole!” He growls, before squinting his eyes at him. “Wait… you know who I am?”

“I’m quite familiar with your reputation… quite impressive — a highly-skilled and highly-sought-after assassin. I’ve heard of the rumours and I know all the stories, but I’ve never been able to put a face to the name. It’s nice to finally be able to do that. I didn’t expect you to be so beautiful…”

“Huh?” Blitzø flinches. Shocked. He tries to turn away but it’s useless. Suddenly Stolas’ scrutinising eyes feel more intrusive than anything else. Blitzø sweats, a small involuntary blush appearing on his face, and attempts to appear as though he’s not affected by this. “S-So you know I’ve been hired to kill you?”

“I wasn’t sure if it was me you were after, but it was a pretty obvious set-up. You chose a very convenient place for me to find you, Blitzy. Even so, it doesn’t matter. I should really thank your client for setting up this meeting between us. I think it might've been fate… from the moment I saw you, it was love at first sight.”

Blitzø recoils.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m not joking. I’ve fallen in love with you.”

His expression twists with utter confusion. “You're fucking with me.”

“Not at all. I hope I can prove to you that I’m telling the truth. I’ll try my best so you can believe in me.” Stolas grins, happily declaring this.

Flustered and baffled, having never dealt with a situation like this before, Blitzø truly struggles to register this. His eyes dart around everywhere to avoid looking at him. Stolas holds his gaze so steadily, it’s a little embarrassing.

“You’re fucking crazy.” Blitzø says, his voice a little shaky but he’s still clearly displeased.

“Yes. Perhaps.” Stolas laughs.

“I just told you that I’ve been hired to kill you. There’s no doubt in my mind you’re a fucking lunatic.” Blitzø tells him, scowling. “Whatever. You shouldn’t let your guard down around me, y’know. I will fucking kill you when I get the chance–”

“On the contrary… I’m not the one who let my guard down.”

As Blitzø cocks an eyebrow, puzzled for a moment, suddenly he feels the cold sting of a steel blade pressed against his throat. At some point, while he wasn’t paying attention, Stolas must’ve stolen the knife from his hand and flipped it around on him. Blitzø is absolutely stunned – there aren’t many out there who have the ability to get the drop on him like this. Stolas’ skills are truly unmatched. 

“How about it, darling? Why don’t you just try and kill me now~!”

“You motherfucker…” Blitzø seethes. He hates losing. He doesn’t want to admit when he’s been defeated. Especially to someone as strange as him.

Who the fuck is this guy?  

“I wasn’t lying earlier, by the way. I really won’t hurt you. Rather, I’d actually like to make a proposition with you.”

Now intensely suspicious, Blitzø asks, “What d’you mean?”

“I promise I won’t kill you. In return… I'd actually like to hire you.”

Blitzø blinks haphazardly. He’s having a hard time believing any of this. He’s so suspicious of everything, and absolutely bewildered at what’s actually happening. Regardless, he can’t deny the fact that Stolas has a weapon drawn to his throat at this moment, so he weighs his options carefully. 

After some thought, Blitzø smirks. “You're not wrong about me being a highly-skilled, highly-sought-after assassin. There’s a long list of clients begging for someone like me. It'll take more than a threat to purchase my kind of services.”

“I assure you money is not a problem. You name a price and it's yours.” Stolas confirms, matching his smirk. “I'll do anything in my power to prove how serious I am about you.”

The way he says this makes Blitzø swallow an involuntary gulp. Once more, Stolas staggers his resolve. He can't keep letting him get away with that. 

Blitzø clears his throat before saying, “You do realise who I'm working for, right? My client wants you gone. They're not messing around, you understand? If you take me on, you'll just end up pissing them off even more–”

“Fine by me.” Stolas tells him, finally releasing his grasp around him, even going so far as to drop the knife, and takes him by the hand. Then, bewildering Blitzø even more, Stolas bends forward like a servient follower, and lowers his head to press his lips upon his fingers in a cordial manner. Blitzø is frozen in shock. Stolas doesn't lose his sincere smile for a single moment. “I'll spare the life of my assassin if I get to have you. Seems like a fair price to pay, quite honestly. So, how about it? Won't you come work for me?”

For a while, Blitzø can't shake out of his utter surprise. He wonders if Stolas is a fool or a conniving bastard. He can't tell which. Either way, despite himself, Blitzø suddenly bursts into laughter. Whether or not this is meant to be some kind of strategic move, he puts aside Stolas’ eccentric personality to play along with his game. 

A wide grin splits across his face, and his eyes goad him with sinister intent. 

“Alright. Fine. I still think you're a fucking madman. It's on you if this ends up backfiring.”

“I realise that…” Stolas sighs, trying to take the situation seriously but he's too distracted by Blitzø’s handsome smile. 

“I may even be at risk for betraying my client, so you better protect me with all you got.” Blitz tells him, the tone of his voice suddenly becoming playful...

Then, to Stolas’ surprise, he slides his hands across Stolas’ chest.

Stolas stops breathing. His eyes grow wide as he shudders from Blitzø’s touch. 

“Why don't we sweeten the deal? Hm? Hey… will you let me fuck you tonight? You said you fell in love with me, right? Well, this is one way to make me yours… so c’mon. Prove to me you really mean it. Satisfy me the best you can…”

“B-Blitzø…” Stolas’ confident demeanour is shaken.

But he's not at all against it. Especially as Blitzø’s alluring smile is driving him crazy.

They’re both sweating, faces flushed with visible colour, and breathing heavily with anticipation. Blitzø’s hands are travelling from Stolas’ chest to run through his well-groomed hair, messing it up without a care. Stolas shivers… loving how this feels already.

Though he’s still a little unsteady, Stolas tries to remain calm and collected as he bundles Blitzø in his arms, pulling his body close to him.

“A-Alright… you better be ready. I’ll show you exactly how serious I am…”

Neither of them know who initiated first, but they both come together for a deep kiss. There’s electricity from the start. Mouths are pried open as tongues entwine ravenously, passionately, spurned by a need to gain dominance from both sides. Blitzø wants Stolas to submit to him already, and he can feel Stolas melting in his hands, but Stolas steadies his resolve as he captures Blitzø’s lips over and over… biting at his lower lip with a teasing smirk. Blitzø admits this turns him on even more. He’ll allow Stolas to take the reins every now and again… but he won’t completely relent.

As their mouths part, and a string of saliva connects their tongues before snapping apart, Blitzø’s heavy-lidded eyes look up and down at Stolas’ body. He can’t wait any longer – his hands slip beneath the collar of Stolas’ suit, then he slides his fingers down to the buttons, expertly unfastening them at an impressive speed.

“My client told me your name, but I have a feeling it may have been an alias.” Blitzø says, whispering seductively in Stolas’ ear. “Tell me your real name… I’ll even moan it for you if you’re good enough tonight…”

“Ah… ahh, it’s Stolas…” He replies with a shudder, barely registering anything after Blitzø licks his ear.

“Alright. Stolas. There’s no need to go so damn slow with me. I can’t fucking stand it. Get to the good stuff already… and let’s get fucking rough.”

Right after he says this, Blitzø bites down on Stolas’ lobe.

“Aahh!!” He shouts, startled…

But he absolutely fucking loves it.

…

…

Following this first encounter, Blitzø agrees to work for Stolas and stays by his side.

However, he never expected that it meant he would always stay so close.

Blitzø finds himself practically moving in with him. Every day, they spend time together like ordinary roommates… and at night, they indulge in their desires. The first time wasn’t nearly enough for either of them. Stolas had absolutely convinced Blitzø that he could satisfy him – their compatibility is just too good. They found this out very quickly.

With how often they’re fooling around in bed together, they’ve learnt that there are barely any boundaries between them. While lounging on the sofa together, Stolas draws Blitzø in close to wrap his arms around him, completely nonchalantly. They could be on their phones, watching television, reading books or work documents, and they’d always be touching each other in some way or another. It’s so casual how comfortable they’ve become with being together like this. They’re definitely more than just roommates or colleagues.

Stolas even takes Blitzø out once or twice on a date, though Blitzø protests that term. However, when they visit a fancy restaurant or go see a movie, or just simply go out for a walk together on a sunny day… it’s hard for either of them to deny the nature of this. Stolas spoils Blitzø rotten, and he never refuses his advances. He finds it strange… he’s never been given this kind of care and attention before, so he’s admittedly weak to Stolas’ affections… Blitzø doesn’t realise until it’s too late, but he’s really starting to let down his guard around him.

Throughout this whole time together, Stolas has been so authentic with him. There’s not been a moment where Blitzø has doubted his intentions, and his constant attentive treatment of him has wavered Blitzø’s resolve. He goes so far for him in times that he never expects.

It shows particularly in times when Blitzø experiences night terrors where he wakes up in the middle of the night in a panic. Stolas always sleeps in the same bed as him, and so he’s consequently awakened by Blitzø’s panic attack. Blitzø always finds these to be humiliating and frightening, but the trauma of his past runs very deep… he has to learn to live with them. Every time this happens, Stolas never fails to be right by his side. He's always so supportive, gathering Blitzø in his arms, comforting him until he calms down. He does this so often now that Blitzø purposely wakes him up during his attacks so that Stolas can hold him… until it’s the only way that Blitzø can feel he can breathe again.

Stolas doesn’t have to do this. Blitzø realises this. But he knows now that he does it because he really does want to prove how true his feelings are. Blitzø was so suspicious of him at the start… but now… Blitzø is conflicted. He doesn’t know how to handle this. It was just a job, that’s all it was meant to be. But now… it’s becoming something else… something way more serious than he initially thought…

The original mission to kill him is slowly fading to the back of his mind more and more...

One day, during an idle moment where Blitzø simply watches Stolas from afar… looking so beautiful bathed in the warm colours from the fireplace… Blitzø suddenly finds it all too much. He’s really starting to waver. It’s getting dangerous. He’s losing himself more and more in this life, and that’s really scary. Blitzø isn’t ready for this. He isn’t prepared for what that could mean…

He makes the abrupt decision to run away. He doesn’t tell Stolas where he’s going or if he’s coming back. Blitzø just gets up and leaves home. It’s the first time they’ve been apart since they made the deal, and Blitzø can feel the effects of it. The further he ventures away, the more he feels an aching loneliness. There’s already a part of him that wants to turn back, and that thought absolutely terrifies him.

He can't accept this. He just can't… so Blitzø needs to run… run…

Until suddenly, while secluded in a shady part of the city, Blitzø is ambushed by a black speeding van rushing in front of him. Muscular men jump out the doors and sprint towards him, giving Blitzø barely any time to react as they punch him so hard in the head that they knock him out. The men throw Blitzø inside the back of the van and, as quick as they came, speed off into the night.

…

By the time Blitzø comes around, he blinks his eyes open. The fluorescence of a bright ceiling bulb shines down upon him as he tries to look around. He attempts to get up but he discovers his wrists and his ankles have been tied together. He’s laying on the cold concrete ground of some dirty warehouse. Stacks of garbage and abandoned wreckage is laid out sporadically everywhere. It's the perfect layout for inconspicuous dealings and situations like this… right now they’re far out of the way of any prying eyes.

“Finally awake?” A rough voice sounds from the shadows. 

Stepping into the halo of the faint light, Blitzø’s client – Crimson – reveals himself. His face is terrifying, scowling with utter displeasure. “Long time no see, you fucking snake.”

“Yeah, yeah. Fuck you too. Let me go–”

Crimson chuckles. “As feisty as ever, I see. That's some confidence you got after going back on our agreement. Especially since you've been shacking up with the person we hired you to dispose of …”

“Are you fucking dense? I was obviously just biding my time. I was going to kill him–”

“Oh yeah? Is that all it was? A whole month is an awfully long time to delay it, don't you think?”

“Shit–”

While Blitzø helplessly struggles to loosen his binds, Crimson bends down to perch on a knee, and ruthlessly grabs hold of Blitzø by his hair. Crimson yanks his head up, forcing him to lock eyes. 

“Gotten quite fond of the target, haven't you?”

When he says this, Blitzø’s eyes widen. This show of emotion has been to his detriment. Crimson slaps him so hard that Blitzø is thrown back to the ground, heavily hitting the floor.

“Augh!!” He gasps, his breath caught in his throat as stinging pain swells to his face. Blood trickles from his nose. Still, he trembles as he rolls to his side, staggering to lift himself up. He protests through the grit of his teeth, “N-No… it's nothing like that–”

“You're in love with him, aren't you?”

Like a strike of lightning, something snaps within Blitzø. It's like his whole body has a visceral reaction to that word.

Adrenaline and rage erupts from the very depths of him. Blitzø throws himself off the ground, not caring that his limbs are bound together, and aims for Crimson’s neck. Two burly men suddenly pounce from the shadows to restrain him before Blitzø could get any closer – he was  inches away from sinking his teeth into him. 

“You're full of shit! He means nothing to me!” Blitzø snarls, his wide eyes full of lethal contempt. “I'll kill him! I swear I will! He's just another hit! He’s nothing to me! I swear!! I don’t fucking love him!! I never fucking will!!”

“Then why haven’t you done it already?” Crimson challenges him.

Blitzø flounders, fighting with everything he has…

Until finally, his expression breaks.

He just can’t find a reason.

He can’t think of any viable excuse for this.

There’s nothing he can refute him with… nothing he can say…

There’s absolutely no reason why he’s let this play out for so long. But he’s not ready to admit the truth. He can’t. He just can’t. The look on Blitzø’s face is contorted with emotion, as if he’s holding back the urge to scream and cry.

Because right now, all he can picture in his mind is Stolas’ face.

Throughout his whole life, Blitzø has dealt with so much pain. He’s had nowhere he can call home, he can’t think of many people in his life who genuinely love him… he had no one to return to or rely on…

But for the first time, he can finally name someone. Stolas has been by his side this entire time, supporting him and protecting him… giving him unconditional love like he’s never experienced before…

Just the touch of his hands and the sound of his voice calms him down… comforting the deepest parts of him that hurt… slowly healing his aching heart that has always longed for something like this…

He misses him. Blitzø misses him so fucking much. All he wants right now are his familiar soothing arms holding him close, his tender words telling him that everything’s going to be alright…

He wants him… he wants him…

Stolas…

Fuck…

Fuck!

I really… really–

Just then, a large, alarming noise sounds from the other side of the warehouse.

Debris flies towards them as piles of rubble all around them are thrown to the side from the sudden force of a crowd of men rushing into the room, kicking and shoving everything in their way. In their hands are intimidating weapons, all of which are pointing in Crimson’s direction.

After shaking off the shock of their sudden appearance, Crimson throws his hands to the air in quick response. He knows he’s surrounded, and there’s not enough men on his side to fight off an ambush like this. He scowls, frustrated by this turn of events.

The men restraining Blitzø immediately follow their boss’ reaction, releasing Blitzø and holding their hands up too. Blitzø falls to the ground, landing on his side. He stumbles to the ground, and through the pain, he squints his eyes to look around him. Rising dust from all the wreckage accumulates throughout the area, creating a dense mist cloaking the whole room and making it difficult to see who has abruptly joined them.

Just then… after focusing his eyes towards a long silhouette slowly coming into view… Blitzø gradually recognises the shape of this person…

The first thing he notices is Stolas’ hand as he reaches out to Blitzø, and his face finally settles into his vision… revealing his gentle smiling face, lovingly gazing into Blitzø’s eyes. A sigh passes his lips, seeming relieved to see him.

“Come on, darling… let’s get you home.”

…

Whilst Stolas’ henchmen take care of Crimson and his lackeys, clearing out the area with a barrage of bullets chasing them away, Stolas carries Blitzø home similarly to the way they first met. From his car to the front steps of his door, Stolas carries Blitzø bridal style as he protectively takes him into his building. Blitzø is too exhausted and injured to object, and falls in and out of unconsciousness as the tiredness gets too much.

Eventually, after some time, Blitzø regains the energy to blink awake once more as he feels the familiar warm flicker of the fireplace heating up his broken body. For the second time, Blitzø wakes up on Stolas’ sofa with his head propped up by many soft pillows with a blanket laid on top of him. However, this time, Stolas has remained right by his side, sitting on the edge of the sofa, gently caressing his hair.

“You’re awake…” Stolas breathes, relieved, smiling affectionately.

Blitzø stares at him, unblinking. Emotions surge within him, crashing like chaotic waves in his chest.

No… no…

I can’t…

I can’t!

Fear. So much fear. So much anger. So much confusion.

Reacting from the raging disarray in his heart, Blitzø abruptly grabs Stolas by the collar and throws him down against the sofa.

He gains the upper hand quickly before Stolas has any time to defend himself. He’s learnt from last time. Blitzø curves his hands around Stolas’ neck, digging his thumbs into the angle of his Adam's apple. He has him now. Stolas is unarmed and unguarded, and now is his chance.

Kill him…

Kill him…

Kill him… you have to!

You have to kill him!!

Sweat drips off his face. His hands shake. Stolas isn’t fighting back. He’s letting this happen. Blitzø doesn’t understand… why?

The blood-red pupils in Blitzø’s eyes tremble violently from the storm of emotions inside. It’s all too much… it’s too much… this is too much…

Blitzø knows he has to kill him. If he wants to unbind his shackles, he needs to do it. Now.

It no longer matters whether someone ordered this hit… Blitzø needs to get rid of him. He has to do it for himself. He knows this now.

Kill him…

Fucking do it!

Kill him!!

Kill him… or else…

Or else I’ll…

I…

Blitzø can’t breathe right. He’s panting heavily. Something’s not right. He’s shaking too much… his body won’t move…

As he stares so intensely at Stolas… laying so vulnerably beneath him now… all he does is smile back at him in defeat.

Stolas smiles with unwavering love.

And that completely breaks down Blitzø’s resolve.

Blitzø grits his teeth, grinding down them as he tries so hard to deny it…

But he can’t anymore. He can’t.

His heavy breathing distorts into a strangled cry… choking on tears now. Teardrops fall from his squinted eyes and drip on to his hands, slowly unwinding from Stolas’ neck.

“I… I can’t…” Blitzø whimpers, tears falling uncontrollably.

Because I…

Stolas slowly gets up, propping himself up by the elbow as he reaches up to stroke Blitzø’s cheek, gently wiping away a stream of tears on his thumb.

“I love you, Blitzø.” He says. Sincerely. “I love you… I really do. I love how strong you are, how confident you are… even the parts that are deeply hurt. I love every side of you… every single part of you… I love you so much.”

Blitzø completely breaks down. He wails, his heart aching with so much anguish and love… he never thought he’d ever experience something as sweet as this. The agonising void inside him is filled by Stolas. He never thought he’d feel anything like this. He can’t stop crying. It’s like a dam has burst and there’s no stopping it. Everything he’s ever bottled up inside comes pouring out, and Stolas simply accepts it all. It’s beautiful… it’s so fucking beautiful…

“How… how can you say you love me after everything?”

“I don’t care…” Stolas tells him, leaning forward to kiss him softly. His lips capture the tears on his cheeks, taking them away while worshipping him affectionately.

This is too much, but at the same time, Blitzø desperately wants more… more… so much more…

Suddenly, feeling an eruption of love blazing inside, Blitzø grabs Stolas’ face and kisses him deeply. Though they’ve kissed countless times before, this time there’s no trace of lust or lewd intent. This kiss is emotional, passionate, wonderful… unlike anything they’ve shared before. It’s everything they both wanted. Melting. Losing themselves in each other.

When Blitzø breaks apart, only slightly, his mouth brushes over Stolas’ lips as he speaks.

“Alright… fuck, Stolas… alright, I’m yours…” He says, breathing in deeply and finally giving into defeat, “So you better give me yourself in return…”

Blitzø flushes with blatant embarrassment, his tears still present but a wobbly smile breaks out over his face. 

Stolas grins wider. Overjoyed. Absolutely wrecked by love for this adorable man.

He responds with a deeper kiss, excitedly capturing Blitzø’s mouth and claiming him… over and over again, blissfully indulging in his love like he’s always wanted.

When he pulls back, he holds Blitzø’s face tenderly in his hands… like a silent promise to treasure him for the rest of their days.

“My darling. I’ve been yours since the very beginning.”

…

Chapter Text

“No… no… ugh, fuck no…” Blitzø says under his breath, voicing his distaste aloud.

His fingers stroke over the row of books on the shelf as he scans the selection in front of him. Recently he’s adopted a daughter while trying to find a job to support them both… but he may have bitten off more than he can chew while juggling everything and making ends meet. While feeling a little insecure, he’s taken to looking for any useful parenting books at the local library. Now as a single parent, Blitzø only has himself to rely on. No matter how much is stacked against him, Blitzø is determined to make it work.

He fell in love with Loona at first sight, and he wants to try everything he can to be the best father he can be for her.

While perusing the items on the shelf, none of the titles are jumping out to him. Most of them detail tips on raising baby hellhounds, but Loona is already seventeen. There are barely any at all that tackle the subject of raising an older child. Blitzø frowns. After a long time searching, he’s on the verge of giving up…

Until, eventually, he comes across an amazing looking book. It’s thick and it stands out amongst the others. There’s no words on the spine, but the golden details are extraordinary and elegant. When Blitzø slides it out of the shelf, the golden patterns continue to sprawl all over the cover in beautiful waves. However, there’s no words on the front or the back either. There’s no title or blurb – the book is a total mystery.

After opening the contents, Blitzø curiously finds the pages to be completely empty. He thinks to himself – it’s strange that the library has a book like this. He figures it might just be a forgotten notebook that someone just left on the shelf. So, after a disappointing visit to the library, Blitzø decides to take this empty book instead, figuring that he could probably use it for something in the future…

…

“Fuck off, asshole! Why can’t you get out of my face for five fucking minutes?!”

“Because I adopted you! And that should mean something!”

“Well it shouldn’t! You’re not my real dad!”

“That doesn’t matter! You’re my daughter now, Loona! I’m responsible for you–”

“Fuck, Blitzø! I’m almost eighteen! I don’t need you!”

“You’re still a minor so yes, you do!”

“Ugh! This is so stupid! As soon as I’m old enough, I’m fucking leaving this place!”

“Oh, really? Where would you even go? At least with me, you have a roof over your head–”

“Yeah, barely! You can’t even keep one job! You can barely afford to pay the rent!”

“Hey, I’m trying my best for the both of us! I’m trying to make this work–”

“Well it's not!! You’ll never be my dad, Blitzø!! So stop pretending like you could ever be one!!”

Her words hurt. They really hurt.

Blitzø is too hurt to refute her as Loona storms away to retreat to her bedroom. She slams the door shut, and the door hinges strain from her incredible strength.

Now the shouting has died and the intense anger settles, Blitzø drags his feet to his bedroom and wallows in the aftermath. He collapses on to his bed, burying his face into the pillows. Exhausting frustration twists in his stomach. Deep sadness bubbles in his throat, threatening tears in his eyes. With a deep sigh, Blitzø slowly inhales, strictly pushing the emotions down. He can’t fall apart over something like this. He knew what he signed up for, and he’s not willing to give in.

As he rolls over to his side, Blitzø notices the notebook he’s brought home with him from the library. It lays abandoned on the ground amongst his piles of clothes where he had carelessly thrown it. Spurned by the urge to somehow let out his suppressed anguish, Blitzø reaches down and swipes the book off the floor. He flicks through the blank pages, noticing how the slight tinge of beige makes the book look a little aged, yet the paper is still so sturdy as if it’s been freshly made.

Swiping a pen from his bedside table, Blitzø arrives at the first page of the book and sprawls across it sporadically.

im so fcukin tyred

Once he’s finally got the words out, Blitzø leans his head back against the wall. It feels good to express his feelings, even if it’s nonverbally. He just had to let some of it leak out. There’s too many chaotic thoughts running through his mind… if he just let them fester, he might crumble.

Blitzø picks his head up after a while, returning back to the book…

But then, suddenly… his eyes grow wide. Shocked.

His handwriting has disappeared.

Blitzø flips the page over, wondering if he had accidentally turned it over at some point, but the pages are as empty as when he found it. He stares at the first page. He’s so sure he wrote something down on it… he can’t understand what’s happened…

Just then, something new appears.

Blitzø watches in awe as black ink slowly begins to emerge in the corner of the page. It appears like a stain spreading across fabric. As he continues to observe this materialising ink, Blitzø starts to notice that it’s spelling out letters… almost like Blitzø is actively watching someone writing on the page…

He’s in disbelief that this is happening. It never occurred to him that this book may be magical or cursed in any way, but it dawns on him that finding an empty book like this was actually quite suspicious from the start. He should have suspected that this wasn’t just an ordinary notebook.

When the writing finally stops, Blitzø reads the sentence:

Are you alright? 

He stares at it for a moment. After a while, the handwriting slowly disappears in the same fashion as Blitzø’s writing. He figures out that whoever had just written this had just read what he wrote… and, admittedly, he finds that a little embarrassing. In his moment of weakness, he used this book as a way to let down his guard, now he feels sensitive and exposed. 

But, maybe… this is actually a good thing.

Still revelling in his profound sadness, Blitzø could really use someone to talk to. In times like these, he just feels so helplessly alone… 

i had en argooment wif ma dawughter an i feel lyk shit

When he writes this sentence down, tears once more sting in his eyes, but he swallows the urge to cry. Even if he's not saying any of this aloud, it feels more intense and real as he ruminates on the words cemented on paper. When the letters bleed into the page, fading away to whoever is reading this, Blitzø feels like he's calling out for help. Although he feels uncomfortably vulnerable, it feels easy to open up to a stranger, especially if it's unconfirmed whether they're a real person or not. For all Blitzø knows, he's just talking to the book itself through some sentient magic. Even so, he takes this opportunity to open up. 

Once more, elegant handwriting gradually appears on the page, spelling out a much longer sentence. 

I understand. I also had a disagreement with my daughter recently. I've been quite heartbroken ever since… 

Blitzø’s eyes grow wide. Maybe this is a real person after all. But what he focuses on the most are the words… ‘I understand’. 

Immediately Blitzø feels comforted. Suddenly he doesn't feel so alone in the world. There's someone out there who knows what he's going through.

Desperately, more excitedly than before, Blitzø reaches out and scribbles on the page. 

it rly sux! how can i mayk dis ryte? im scared am guna fuk up agen. i dun feel lyk a gud dad. 

Blitzø stares intensely as the letters he's just written slowly seep into the paper, disappearing once again. The wait for a reply is surprisingly long, and Blitzø is so anxious for a response that his face is practically buried into the book. 

Finally, after waiting a few minutes, beautifully crafted penmanship appears in the centre of the page. 

I don't know the right answer to that. I feel like a failure of a father all the time. I understand how difficult it is to feel like you’re doing the right thing for your daughter, but that doesn’t stop me from trying my best. I’ll always do my best for her. I love her too much not to try. Even if it’s painful, in the end, she’s worth it. Don’t you agree?

These words speak directly to Blitzø’s heart. Without a moment’s hesitation, Blitzø quickly replies.

yea i agree! tha’s so troo! even if it fcukin hurts am still guna do my best! ur ryte!

Blitzø smiles as he watches his own words fade away into the paper. Now he feels hopeful, and a burst of confidence sets in as if he’s been instantly revived.

The delicate penmanship appears once more in reply.

It’s nice to meet someone who understands… what is your name?

For a moment, Blitzø hesitates. He was comfortable as strangers when he was able to spill his feelings into the book, but now the unknown person is reaching out. He’s a little self-conscious of getting to know someone who had perceived his weakness before anything else.

Still, despite this, Blitzø yearns for someone like this… a person who can comprehend his struggle… he can’t deny it’s just what he needed. He knows he’ll most likely need a shoulder to lean on in times like this again.

So, writing slowly as he contemplates doing this, Blitzø writes.

itz blitzø. the o iz silent.

After a brief moment of waiting, the other person replies.

It’s nice to meet you, Blitzø. My name is Stolas. You can write to me again anytime. I don't mind lending an ear… rather, I’d really like to talk to you again.

A warmth spreads in his chest. Blitzø can’t help it. He finds this kind of new relationship exciting. The secret nature of this makes it a little thrilling.

From there, Blitzø writes to Stolas throughout the rest of the night. They start off slow, getting to know each other through little anecdotes and fleeting messages, before soon finding out how well their personalities mesh together.

Blitzø’s mood lifts and he’s able to joke around a lot more. When Stolas says that he’s making him laugh, the light-hearted tone of his written words don’t make Blitzø doubt him. They’re truly enjoying each other’s company, and it shows by how long they carry on sending messages back and forth. The conversations flow so rapidly, switching quickly from deep conversations to silly jokes and drawings. There’s no judgments and no pauses in between. It’s fun. Blitzø can’t stop smiling at certain points – he’s having so much fun.

By the time morning rolls around, he leaves a goodbye message to Stolas and places the book on the bedside table. He drops the pen beside it, noting that he’s going to need to buy more since the ink is already running out. Yet, amusedly, there’s not a single drop of ink inside the book. It’s as though the encounter never even happened…

…

After their first encounter through the book, writing letters to Stolas becomes an everyday habit. Blitzø carries his book everywhere in his bag, swinging at his hip everywhere he goes. While struggling to find work and provide for his daughter, Blitzø finds moments throughout the day where he needs to let off steam… and Stolas is always right there at his side. He’s always so prompt in replying back, so it’s truly like Stolas is there supporting him.

Weeks of this go by, and not a single day passes without writing to Stolas in some form. Sometimes the messages are long, some are curt… some are extremely hyperactive and cheerful, other times he’s low energy and depressed. Still, Stolas remains steadfast in replying to all his messages.

It’s never one-sided, either. Blitzø can tell what kind of mood Stolas is in by the way he writes too, though it shows in subtle ways in the presentation of his letters. Blitzø discovers so much about Stolas in little things. Blitzø finds himself more curious about him the more they talk… 

Eventually Blitzø finds out that Stolas has a very demanding job, but he’s fortunate enough to be able to pace himself so he can spare time to message Blitzø back. Another important detail that Blitzø learns is that Stolas is from a well-renowned family. He’s wealthy with high status, which honestly intimidates him. Especially since Blitzø is working hard just to make ends meet. Blitzø is from a completely different world to him. Out of everything they’ve spoke about, this is what Blitzø feels the most self-conscious about.

However, after a few months go by, despite a few notable differences, their communication is still going strong. In fact, Blitzø truly realises how much he’s relied on Stolas’ help and guidance while figuring out how to raise Loona. They share parenting stories and tips on how to communicate better with their daughters. They use any opportunity they can to gush about their teenage girls. Blitzø doesn’t know where he’d be without having Stolas beside him. He’s so detrimental in his life now… this book has become incredibly precious to him.

One day, while Blitzø lounges on the sofa in his apartment, he leans the book against his legs as he crouches over it, scribbling inside like always.

After a casual conversation dies down, an elegantly written sentence appears in the centre of the page.

Blitzø… may I be candid? There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while now.

Immediately intrigued, Blitzø cocks an eyebrow as he replies.

shure. wats up?

A short interval occurs where it’s obvious that Stolas is hesitating to write. After a few minutes, the question pops up:

Can we meet up?

Blitzø’s heart drops.

For a while now, he’s expected a proposition like this. Their relationship now is comfortable and convenient, and Blitzø has grown accustomed to the nature of it. Though they’re always in constant communication, there’s still a clear boundary between them where they still have their personal space. It’s easier to be more honest when the other person maintains a certain distance.

However, he knew that sometime in the future, there would come a time when the idea of meeting for the first time would be brought up. Blitzø is unprepared for this, especially since nothing in particular prompted this. It must have been on Stolas’ mind for some time, and he’s finally decided now is the moment to ask.

Blitzø leans his head in his hands. He really wished Stolas hadn’t asked. He likes what they have too much. He doesn’t want anything to compromise that… and he’s afraid that he’ll just end up ruining it.

While leaning his forehead in his palm, Blitzø glances at the empty page in the book… hovering the pen tip over the paper. After a moment of thinking, he decides to be honest, since that’s exactly how this relationship started.

we shudnt do that. u wud onli b dizappoynted.

Don’t write off my feelings like that.

Blitzø bites his lower lip. Stolas has a habit of gently scolding him when Blitzø is self-defeating.

I won’t be disappointed. I know it. Please, Blitzø. Won’t you give this a chance?

A long, heavy sigh passes his lips. The truth is… Blitzø really does want to meet Stolas. He’d love to see what he looks like… to know how his voice sounds… there’s so much more he wants to know about him…

But Blitzø is so scared. He doesn’t want to risk rejection. Before he gets any more hopeful about their relationship, Blitzø doesn’t want to fall any deeper out of fear that it’ll eventually crash and burn. It’s too much of a pattern in his life, and the anguish of being hurt and despised by his loved ones is too great of a trauma. There’s no doubt that Stolas’ presence in his life has grown so large, and the thought of losing him now is painful. The most secure way he can keep Stolas close to him is to carry on this safe distance where they can pretend this is all they’ll be…

Ignoring his own heart that longs for something more… he can’t allow himself to indulge in those desires if he wants this relationship to last.

Blitzø lifts his pen, writing emotionlessly.

i dunt fink itz a gud idea stolas. sry.

As the words fade away, the page remains blank for a long while. Blitzø knows he’s probably let Stolas down, but he figures it’s for the best. In the long run, he believes this is what will be good for them. They’ll be able to keep being friends. Nothing more. Simply tied together only by this book. Writing letters that mean the world to him.

But that’s all it is. That’s what it’ll remain.

…

After leaving Stolas with that message, Blitzø’s mood is foul. Unfortunately, that bleeds through to the performance he gives at his new workplace. He doesn’t have the patience to deal with the tasks he’s given, and his anger gets the best of him as he argues with his colleagues and bosses.

Thanks to that, Blitzø has lost yet another job.

After being thrown to the curb, Blitzø perches lifelessly on the side of the road, resisting the urge to scream at the sky. He hates this. He hates this so much… he hates this life… he hates how difficult he makes everything for himself… he’s just full of hatred and self-loathing.

He crawls up to his feet. He desperately needs some form of escape. Anything will do. He just needs to stop the pain. Blitzø drags himself down the city streets and enters the nearest bar. He needs to numb himself and silence his thoughts somehow. Alcohol will do for now.

He settles into an empty barstool and orders a strong drink. When he quickly downs it in one, the bartender is slightly disturbed as she’s not had the chance to serve anyone else before Blitzø asks for another… then another… and another…

Blitzø repeats this until his head starts to swim. After a while, he’s wobbling around on his seat and barely piecing many thoughts together. But that’s exactly what he wanted.

He can’t think about how shitty his day has been. He can’t think about how shitty his life is… he doesn’t think about how shitty of a person he can be… he doesn’t think about any of it…

But he does think of Stolas. The weight of the book makes itself known as it swings by his side.

Blitzø wants to talk to him. But he can barely even see anything in front of him now. There’s no way he can hold a pen steady in this condition. Still, he really wants to speak with Stolas… he wants to read his gentle words, ask about his day and talk about his daughter… he just wants him so much…

Lonely and depressed, Blitzø leans over the bar counter with his head in his hand and his drink spilling everywhere. He’s an absolute mess.

“Hey there. You’re looking a little fucked up.” An obnoxious voice sounds beside him. “My name’s Chaz. What’s yours, babe?”

As Blitzø lifts himself up to glance at this person, he first notices the smarmy grin on this guy’s face. His fangs gleam beneath the fluorescence of the lights from the bar. This guy looks way too shady. It’s obvious that he’s about to hit on Blitzø, not caring that he’s nearly completely out of it.

Blitzø isn’t in the right state of mind to listen to any sense of reason. Rather, he’s so achingly lonely that this guy seems like a convenient escape for him right about now. It’s not like he cares all that much who it’s with… Blitzø just needs to lose himself in someone else. Even if it’s just a temporary release. Even if he’ll probably feel like absolute shit later… he just needs something right now.

He staggers from his barstool and stumbles into Chaz’s embrace. He lets his head fall against his shoulder, resting against him like a useless ragdoll.

Chaz smiles sinisterly. “Damn, you’re pretty eager, huh? Fine by me… let’s just get down to it…” 

As he takes Blitzø by the shoulders, he escorts him out the bar. Blitzø just lets this happen, allowing himself to get dragged to wherever Chaz wants. He’s ready to self-destruct. He wants this guy to just destroy him already.

They’re walking along the city streets, heading towards a high bridge stretching along a river. The area is empty, void of any other signs of life. Chaz helps Blitzø cross the bridge, but he has to pause when they reach the halfway point. The book by Blitzø’s hip swings between them, and prods annoyingly against Chaz’s stomach.

“Fuck, that hurts! Keep your bag over your side! What’d you even have in there?!”

“Mm… s’my book…” Blitzø mumbles in a stupor.

“Is that all it is? What kinda book is it? Looks heavy as fuck.”

Before Blitzø can even react, Chaz already dives his hand inside Blitzø’s bag and pulls it out. The sudden weight distribution throws Blitzø out of his vacant state. He finally notices the book in Chaz’s hands. Seeing it out of his grasp and in someone else’s hands, Blitzø is choked by fear. He immediately leaps towards him.

“Give that back, asshole!!”

But Blitzø’s coordination is too unstable. He throws himself towards Chaz but he simply steps out the way, making Blitzø stumble to the ground. Chaz laughs at the sight of him.

“You want it back that badly? Now I’m curious! What kinda book is it? Is it your diary?” He teases, flicking it open to glance at the contents. When he notices the blank pages, Chaz looks confused. “The fuck? There’s nothing in here. What’s so damn important about an empty book?”

“None of your fucking business! Give it back, shithead!!”

Blitzø is enraged as he struggles to his feet, trying his absolute best to regain some semblance of balance to fight for it. But the alcohol has affected him too much. He can barely stand still, and he wobbles around Chaz as he easily dodges every single one of his attempts. Chaz is much taller, and he uses this to his advantage as he holds the book high in the air, loosely clasping it between his fingers.

“You want it? C’mon, sweet thing. You’ll have to climb up and get it~!” He says, intentionally flirty.

Blitzø seethes furiously as he swings his arms violently around him and digs his fingers into him, much like an enraged cat clawing up his body.

“Ow, shit!! Not so rough!!” Chaz cries, and stumbles over as Blitzø relentlessly attacks him, scratching his fingers deep into his skin as he chaotically reaches for the book above Chaz’s head…

But Chaz trips. Blitzø’s weight topples him over, and Chaz falls back against the railings of the bridge. The book in his hand slips from his fingers and it falls over the edge.

It might as well have been his heart.

Blitzø helplessly watches the book drop out of sight. He screams in horror. 

“No!!”

Without giving it a second sober thought, Blitzø scrambles to the railings and throws himself off the bridge. He’s like a madman as he dives after it. Chaz is stunned, abandoned in disbelief.

After falling through the air, Blitzø crashes into the river. He pierces through the water’s surface, and frantically flaps his arms and legs as he searches around for any sign of the book. While holding his breath, he opens his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

Thankfully, he catches sight of it caught amongst a cluster of weeds and rocks. Blitzø swims over to it as fast as he can, desperately grabbing hold of it before it can be taken by the currant. As he finally takes a hold of it, Blitzø kicks his legs to swim to the surface. He’s incredibly lucky – the river isn’t too deep. He gasps for air as he manages to emerge, but he’s being carried along the river uncontrollably. With a lot of effort, Blitzø fights against the unrelenting currant and eventually reaches the riverbank. The slope to dry land is steep, and he has to use all his remaining strength to climb out with one hand while holding the book in the other, but he somehow manages to do it.

After completely tiring himself out, Blitzø crawls across the grassy riverbank and collapses against it. He breathes heavily, slowly regaining air in his lungs. With how intoxicated he was, Blitzø felt like he almost died. The experience definitely sobered him up now.

Blitzø rolls on to his back, gripping the book tight to his chest. He doesn’t let go of it for a single moment. He’s afraid he’ll lose it again if he’s not careful…

But then, horror fills him up. Finally, he realises the true extent of what’s happened.

Blitzø shoots up, sitting up so quickly that he almost sees stars. Then, he looks over the book and checks over its condition.

He’s terrified. The book is completely soaked through. The hardback is soggy and badly damaged. When he shakily opens it up, he’s in near hysterics as he discovers the pages are completely ruined. Everytime he touches a corner of a page, it disintegrates and falls away in his grasp. At first Blitzø is in complete denial, flicking through page after page in desperate hope to find at least one of them intact.

But it’s no use. The book is destroyed. 

“Fuck… no… fuck…”

Stolas…

Tears blur his vision.

There’s no way to contact him now. He can’t turn back time and reverse what he’s done.

He’s lost him. He’s gone.

Blitzø truly realises now… this is what he reduced Stolas to. Just some letters in a book. He never allowed him to be anything more than that.

It’s his fault. It’s all his fault.

Blitzø thinks about all the things he could’ve said, all the things he could’ve done… all the things they could’ve been but he was too wrapped up in fear to try.

He could have been something more… Stolas wanted to be something more… but Blitzø turned him away. He was too scared. He pushed him away.

And now he’s paying for the consequences.

It’s too late. It’s too late, and it’s his fault.

Blitzø trembles as he presses his face to the pages… absolutely broken.

He sobs into the sodden paper, making them wetter from the tears dripping onto them. Just like ink, they bleed into the material and fade away.

He can’t stop crying. He wishes he was holding Stolas instead of this useless fucking book. Blitzø hates this so much… he hates it, he hates it…

He’d give anything to be able to talk to him one more time… telling him that he’s sorry, that he regrets rejecting him… and that he actually does want to see him…

Then, in the midst of his sorrow… Blitzø feels a weight press against his back.

Long arms cautiously wrap around his shoulders.

Blitzø stops breathing. He can barely move. When he slowly manages to turn his head, he discovers a strange face staring back. Smiling gently.

“Hi, Blitzø.” This person says, his voice soft and a little singsong.

Tears cling to Blitzø’s face, confusion twisting his expression. His mind can’t keep up. He’s in disbelief…

Is this… is he…?

Breaking out of his embrace, Blitzø stumbles to his feet, but his eyes don’t break away from this stranger for a single instance. He inspects the figure of this man – he’s dressed in regal attire, his figure is long and his owl form has an otherworldly celestial flair. Everything about his appearance matches the personality of the person Blitzø has been writing to. Even so, something in his mind isn’t fully making the connection… it’s as though he just can’t believe it…

Sensing his dishevelled state, the stranger lifts himself to his feet, and formally stands in front of Blitzø with his hands pressed together – appearing a little shy. Then, the tall owl bows forward slightly, softly saying,

“...nice to meet you, Blitzø. My name is Stolas.”

Finally, everything clicks.

Blitzø grits his teeth, choking back a loud sob. Quickly, he swallows his chaotic emotions as incredible relief washes over him.

“I thought I’d never get to talk to you again…” Blitzø admits, his voice strained.

Stolas steps forward, bravely cupping Blitzø’s face in his hands and wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

“I wouldn’t let that happen… I’ll always be there if you need someone to cry to.” Stolas tells him, comforting him so sweetly that Blitzø can’t help but fall in love right then and there. “Just like the first time we met. Remember?”

“Yeah… yeah, you really have amazing timing, Stolas…”

Now that he can put a face to the person he’s come to know… Blitzø finds him so, so beautiful. Stolas smiles. His face is flushed, gazing down at Blitzø with the most gentle look in his eyes.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Startled by the swell of his feelings, Blitzø has to take a step back before becoming overwhelmed. He sits back down on the grassy riverbank, losing energy in his legs, and Stolas joins him by perching right beside him.

From there, they chat like they always do. Nothing’s changed too much from the way they used to write to each other. Their personalities are exactly the same.

But now they can listen to their voices, observe their behaviours… familiarising themselves with their faces… falling for everything else about each other…

The rest of the pieces are falling perfectly into place.

Everything feels right. 

…

Chapter Text

The slit of a portal rips open up in the middle of the city street. Blitzø emerges through it first. He’s laughing as he stumbles on to the side of the road, as if he’s laughed so hard that it’s started to hurt. He grabs his sides, swinging around gleefully on his heels as he nearly falls to the ground with the widest smile on his face.

Stolas follows after him, laughing just as much. His long legs step through the split in the atmosphere before closing the portal with the wave of his hand.

They’ve been having the best time all night. Nothing in particular was planned, they just went wherever they felt like as the grimoire took them away to practically every corner of Hell. With only each other for entertainment, they made the best out of every situation and any location. They’re truly each other’s best company.

Now, outside of Blitzø’s apartment, the evening is coming to an end. The sidewalk is glistening from remnants of rain, and the air has a chill as the wind blows through and stings their skin. Only Stolas had the good sense to dress warmly, so Blitzø feels it the most.

As he approaches the front steps of his apartment building, he's climbed up the railings and perched on the highest one so he can come up to eye-level with Stolas. However, the bitter wind is relentless, and Blitzø tries to shelter from it by leaning up against the wall behind the railings. Still, the cold remains to linger. As much as he tries to disguise it, Blitzø hugs his arms for some sense of relief. But his leather jacket is too thin and his body is too small.

Coming down from his laughing fit, Stolas comes up the steps to join him, and immediately notices how Blitzø is hugging himself. Without a moment’s thought, Stolas takes the collar of his long coat and blankets it around Blitzø’s body, trapping him inside. His arms wrap around his shoulders as the material of the coat covers the majority of his figure.

“Thanks…” Blitzø grins, grateful and happy.

When he turns over his shoulder, Blitzø finds Stolas’ face is mere inches away from his.

Taking advantage of this, Blitzø moves forward to capture his lips with his own. He's been feeling deliciously giddy all night, so he smiles into the kiss. Stolas feels the shape of it, and he swallows a laugh as he gives in to how it makes him melt. 

Everything feels perfect. They've had a wonderful time. Stolas had been nervous leading up to today, and his thoughts were horrendously self-sabotaging. But all his anxiety was for nothing. Now he's light-headed from smiling and laughing so much. It's been an incredible night. He really loves being with Blitzø, he would want no one else as a partner. He just gets him. They understand each other. Their humour is the same, their conversations are never-ending… Stolas wants so many days just like this… he wants it to always be like this… 

His love is communicated in the way he kisses back. He doesn't rush it, and every movement holds a deeper meaning. He kisses like he aches. He loves how it feels, he loves the shape of Blitzø’s lips and feeling familiar with the motion and the pace of this. Stolas winds his hands around him, holding him dearly. Hoping to remain his… hoping to have him forever. 

Stolas doesn't stop. Blitzø had only meant it as a short, chaste kiss as a thank you for keeping him warm, but Stolas took this opportunity to claim him. Blitzø laughs as he pulls away. 

“What are you doing?” He asks, smiling wide. 

“Kissing my boyfriend.” Stolas replies, lost in a daze. 

Immediately after hearing this, Blitzø’s face turns an intense shade of red. His heart thumps. They've only recently got together, so he's had to adjust to a lot of different things. ‘Boyfriend’ is definitely a new one. 

Despite how strange it feels and sounds, Blitzø feels excited. He rolls the word around in his mind for a while, letting it settle until it's deeply engraved into him as truth. It's a little unbelievable at times to look at Stolas and remember that someone like him is in love with him. He didn't think he'd be in a relationship like this… and to be as happy as this… 

For a while Blitzø remains cuddled up in Stolas’ coat, embracing him in return by sliding his hands through the material and holding him close. He's too comfortable here. Having Stolas near calms him down, while at the same time, he experiences exciting flutters in his chest. Being in love like this is the most beautiful and addicting feeling. Blitzø doesn't know how he could go back to living without him. This feeling is just everything. 

“I don't want to go…” Stolas whines, voicing Blitzø’s thoughts out loud. However, Blitzø’s doesn't let it show. He takes hold of Stolas’ shoulders, pushing him gently just a touch, and gazes at him. 

“We'll see each other again soon. Let's just leave it here and meet again when we have the time. Okay?”

Stolas pouts. His brows arch upwards and his beak purses out. Blitzø laughs, finding him absolutely adorable. He takes Stolas’ face in his hands, cupping his puffed-out cheeks in his palms, and Blitzø leans in once more for a lengthy kiss. He tilts his head slightly as he takes a hold of the entire shape of him, before pulling back and ripping himself out of Stolas’ embrace. 

“...good night, Stolas.”

There's a sizable void for both of them as soon as they part. Stolas clenches his fists as he adjusts to the empty space in his coat, and he can't hide his sadness when Blitzø steps away. 

“Good night…” Stolas says solemnly. His shoulders sink low, sulking like a child.

The men stare silently for a moment, neither of them wanting to be the first to initiate leaving. Blitzø smiles like the devil as if he's daring Stolas to do it first, and Stolas hates it. Blitzø is teasing, and Stolas knows he'll stand there all night until Stolas gives in. Blitzø just has him wrapped around his finger. He'll always do whatever his love asks – he's just completely, hopelessly in love. 

In this instance, he knows he's defeated. Stolas finally retreats. Slowly, he turns around, looking over his shoulder as he walks down the steps, and parts ways with one more gentle wave of his hand. 

Blitzø waves back, watching Stolas turn to walk down the street. After such a beautiful day, Blitzø is feeling really good… but he's mourning the end of it. He didn't really want Stolas to leave right then and there. He really could've stayed there all night if it meant he could stay with Stolas longer. 

Disappointment splinters in his chest, and Blitzø turns around to head towards his entrance door… 

Until he suddenly hears the barrage of quick footsteps pacing against the brick sidewalk, getting louder and louder as they get closer. 

The moment Blitzø glances over, he's abruptly attacked by the full force of Stolas’ body crashing into him. Blitzø is unprepared, and he stumbles back a little before quickly finding his footing. 

Stolas holds him tightly. He squeezes so hard that it's obvious that he truly hated leaving his side the moment he tried. Stolas buries his face into Blitzø’s neck, crouching down so that he can hold Blitzø’s whole body against his. 

Blitzø is nearly breathless. He's never been so desperately wanted like this before. His heart swells. 

Fuck, he's so cute… he's so fucking cute… 

“I hate being apart…” Stolas whimpers, his voice wavering with emotion. 

I feel the same. 

Blitzø thinks this but he doesn't say it. He holds Stolas, reaching up to embrace him back, and hopes this is enough for Stolas to know. It's so easy for Stolas to say exactly how he feels because he's always bursting with feelings, while Blitzø is more practiced with holding himself back. It's difficult to unlearn habits of the past. Still, he hopes Stolas can understand him without having to say it… luckily, usually, he can. 

Suddenly, Blitzø is assaulted by a flurry of kisses as Stolas reaches everywhere he can. He pecks at him excitedly, desperately, while Blitzø laughs from not being able to move anywhere without being subjected to Stolas’ endless affections. But he loves this. He loves it so much. His heart races, feeling ridiculously happy and loved.

“Shit, Stolas– ah, hey… c’mon, that tickles…”

“You'll… just have to… get used to it… because I'm… not stopping yet…” Stolas says between each planted kiss. 

Playfully as ever, Blitzø attempts to push Stolas away, but he feigns any strength. Secretly he's enjoying every bit of this, so he only acts like he wants this to stop. He's laughing too much to ever want this to end. 

When he's given an opportunity to escape, Stolas holds him tighter. “Oh no you don't!”

Suddenly, Stolas grabs Blitzø by the waist and lifts him up, whirling him around and hugging him as close as possible. Blitzø has no choice but to grab hold of Stolas’ shoulders to keep himself from falling. They giggle like young boys, holding each other sweetly, and leaning their foreheads together. Blitzø slips his arms from Stolas’ shoulders and, once more, cups Stolas’ face in his palms. While Stolas holds him up, they gaze lovingly into each other's eyes, smiling broadly with so much happiness. 

“I'll miss you so much.” Stolas whispers, his heart on his tongue. “I'll go crazy without you. I'll just be thinking about you all the time. Wishing I can be with you.”

Blitzø bites his lip. His words mean everything. They make him feel so good. 

Stolas nuzzles his face close to his, begging him with an ache in his voice, “Please… never leave me…”

Filled to the brim with love and affection, Blitzø hugs his head, brushing his fingers through the mess of his feathers. 

“...I should be the one saying that.”

For a while, they hold each other like this, motionless, simply hearing the other breathe. It's relieving. It's heartwarming. They could remain like that for hours and hours, just to be together for as long as possible. 

Feeling satisfied for now, Stolas eventually lets Blitzø down. Wordlessly, love lingering between them, they part ways. Waving goodbye, Stolas walks once more down the street as Blitzø turns towards his entrance door. The sound of an ethereal portal is heard in the distance, and Blitzø assumes Stolas has walked through it and they're finally apart. 

Stolas has teleported himself into his front room, appearing right before his grand sofa. As if he's lost all his energy, Stolas collapses face first into the pillows. He takes a fistful of the fabric as he presently feels his body growing warmer and warmer, thinking back on the night he's just had, and thinking about nothing else other than Blitzø. He can't stop smiling. He can't stop blushing. His heart is loud in his ears. Like a young boy in love, Stolas kicks his feet from the storm of emotions blossoming in his chest. 

Meanwhile, Blitzø lingers in the hallway of his apartment building. He can't walk anymore. Losing strength in himself, he wobbles against the wall, and slides down to a crouch. He's overwhelmed. His face is so ridiculously hot, he has to hide it behind his hands. It's embarrassing how much he loves Stolas. It's so weird how much he affects him. Blitzø has never experienced anything like this. It's so unlike him to allow this kind of love, letting so much of himself be exposed. 

But he's glad for it… he's so glad… 

This is everything.

The intimacy he's craved, the love he's longed for, the partner he wished he had… 

Blitzø remains on the floor of his building, burying his burning face in his arms. 

Feeling the happiest he's ever been. 

…

Chapter Text

The sound of soft mechanical beeping is the first thing Stolas hears when he finally regains consciousness. His eyes blink awake, and his vision clears as he makes out the formation of the ceiling tiles. His head feels heavy as he turns to his right, peering over at the machinery hooked up to his body. The beeping is slow and steady. The large windows behind them seep in a tangerine glow from the closing daylight as evening looms near. Within the rays of light pouring down upon him, Stolas watches the dust gently settle in the air, guiding his eyes down to where they land. That’s when he notices he’s laying down in a hospital bed.

The thin blankets are only pulled up to his chest fur, and his dead arms are limp by his side, wrapped in bandages. He barely has any strength to lift them. It’s clear now that Stolas has been involved in an accident. The extent of the injuries seem severe since Stolas can only move his head, which already takes a lot of effort to do.

When Stolas tries to think back on what happened to him… his head is just blank.

Not just that, but he can’t remember much of anything.

His mind has been mostly wiped clean.

He knows who he is and his name, but much further than that is just a mystery. It’s as though there’s been a disconnect in his brain, preventing him from accessing the information.

Like missing stars out of a constellation… he just can’t connect the dots.

When Stolas turns over to look to his left, he’s startled to discover that he’s not alone. In the chair beside him, dozing off to sleep, there’s an imp he can’t recognise. Though when Stolas does manage a clear view of his face, the heart monitor quickens for a moment.

This imp is slightly slumped in his chair, arms crossed as his head lolls to one side, and his chest rises and falls from deep breaths as he sleeps. Stolas takes in the entire view of him – he’s dressed in a shabby black outfit, and there are deep dark circles around his eyes… he looks absolutely exhausted. 

Stolas struggles to rise, but he just about manages to lift up his body just a little. The sheets on the hospital bed make a crinkling noise as he slides across them, and since the room is already so quiet, the sound is loud enough to rouse this imp from his sleep. His eyes flutter for a moment, promptly searching around Stolas’ direction as he gathers his bearings, until finally, his eyes grow wide when he finds Stolas staring back. When they lock eyes, the heart monitor quickens once more.

“St… Stolas?” The imp breathes unsteadily, staggering to comprehend as he leans forward in his chair, closing the gap between them.

He cups Stolas’ cheek in his palm, gently caressing his face as his fingers brush back stray feathers and hair. Then he searches up and down Stolas’ figure, checking him up and down in disbelief. His expression breaks after that, his eyes clearly holding back tears.

“Oh thank fuck! Stolas!! Christ on a stick, you really worried the fuck out of me!!” He says, his voice straining. Then, he takes Stolas’ hand, entangling their fingers together as he holds it between his like a prayer. “You took way too fucking long to wake up, you idiot!! Don’t ever do that to me again!! I can’t ever go through that– I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t–”

Before finishing this train of thought, the imp quickly turns away. He attempts to hide his emotion, but Stolas can see him tremble. It takes him a moment to compose himself, but he’s still clearly distraught over the sorry state of Stolas when he does turn back. The imp squeezes Stolas’ hand as relief slowly washes over him.

“How do you feel? You’ve been knocked out for days. The doctor said you hit your head pretty hard. Fuck, it must’ve really hurt…”

While the imp holds Stolas’ gaze steadily, Stolas is a little overwhelmed. His eyes are as blank as his mind.

“Sorry, um…” He begins, slowly asking, “...who are you?”

The imp pauses.

Frozen.

Then, as if he’d been stung, the imp quickly releases Stolas’ hand. 

His expression shatters. Relief switches to shock and anguish. He doesn’t say a word, but the imp looks as though he’s been stabbed. His mouth hangs open as words become stuck in his throat. He appears like he really wants to say something… but he holds back. When he does, his lip trembles just a little. Gritting his teeth, the imp swallows back his visible urge to fall apart, and finally says,

“...I’m Blitzø. The ‘o’ is silent.”

…

Stolas’ rehabilitation process goes by without too much issue. While he remains in the hospital, he’s visited by his daughter who he quickly remembers upon seeing her. They catch up on – mostly – everything he’s forgotten.

Apparently, he learns that the accident that caused this was a horrendous collision amongst an asteroid belt where Stolas was gathering research. He wasn’t quick enough to avoid one from crashing into him, and whilst he was hurtling through the galaxy, he had just enough strength to transport himself to safety, practically throwing himself on to the front steps of the hospital. He was found just in time for the nurses to rush him to the emergency room. After being relayed these events by the doctors, the memories of it slowly return to him, and he can confirm that’s exactly what happened.

However, due to his head injury, the doctors inform him that he’s suffering from short-term memory loss. Luckily he’s been told that his memories will return in time, and has been advised to revisit places and go about life as normal to trigger them back. Octavia has been helping with that. She takes him by the hand as they walk through the halls of their palace, explaining their extensive family history and their important purpose in Hell. Then, she takes him through their private quarters where Stolas remembers much more intimate details about his life.

Stolas remembers his love of plants and books, his fancy for luxurious baths, his taste in fine clothing… then he remembers his messy divorce from his abusive wife and all the painful times he’s spent alone in these rooms.

Slowly, but steadily, all these memories return to him in waves. It’s like reliving his life all over again, experiencing all the good and bad times he’s ever lived through.

But… no matter how hard he tries… Stolas just can’t remember the imp who stayed by his side in the hospital.

Blitzø hasn’t been in contact since that day. He still hadn’t fully explained who he was to him. Stolas has no idea how they know each other. Not a single thing in his memories gives him a clue as to who he could be.

All he knows is this feeling in his chest… acknowledging the fact that he takes up an incredible space in his heart. It aches with a void. It’s painful not knowing what it is.

As he carries on his daily routines as normal, Stolas feels as though he’s almost returned to normal. He sits at his desk as per usual with his various research papers and documents spread across the table. As his eyes trace the volumes of books lining up the shelves all around him, he remembers every single one of them. He knows their contents, he can recall which ones have certain information, and he can look up at the stars and know so much about them… but he can no longer connect them.

Within the dome ceiling, he’s mapped out constellations for studying. Though he knows they’re there, he just can’t see them. Before the accident, he could make out the image that the stars draw out in his mind’s eye, but right now… he’s struggling to make any kind of connection. He’s lost his ability. It’s like he’s gone blind.

Something’s in the way. He doesn’t know why. And it’s so, so frustrating.

Stolas holds his head in his hand, sighing deeply as he grows more agitated. He wants so badly to remember everything already. Something huge is amiss, and it’s throwing him off too much. He can’t function right without knowing. He can’t concentrate without feeling like he needs to look for something… finding what he’s lost…

It gets to a point where Stolas just can’t sit and work anymore. This feeling is driving him crazy. Troubled by this, Stolas decides to leave his study, until ultimately, he leaves his manor all together. He can’t stay still anymore. He has to move around and look for what’s causing this much upset. His heart is too restless. He just has to look for the answer…

While wandering aimlessly around the streets within Pride ring, Stolas feels like he’s on the verge of discovering something nearby. He can’t explain why he’s here and what he’s looking for, but he just knows he needs to be here. It’s the strangest feeling. It’s like he’s chasing shadows. Whenever he feels like he’s about to remember something, it quickly dissipates. He traces the shape of an imp’s horns as they pass him by, and he turns to stare at the back of their heads as they remind him of something important…

Then, grainy glimpses of faded memories form on the surface of his mind. He can just about recall Blitzø’s face… his mouth curling up into a handsome smile… but nothing further than that. Every time he loses momentum, Stolas frowns. It’s such an aggravating experience. He knows he’s someone very important… he can feel it so deeply within… but understanding the true depths of it is the most stressful mystery.

Who… just who are you to me?

After a long time of erratically wandering around, Stolas comes upon an area of apartment buildings. This place strikes him as somewhere important, but his patience has run dry. He can’t take it anymore. There’s a turning into a nearby park just off the street, and Stolas goes to take a break here. Along the path, there’s a park bench just off the wayside, facing out towards the city. Stolas goes there to collapse upon it, and his whole body feels heavy as he doubles forward to lean his head in his hands.

He feels desperate and hopeless… wishing so much that he could remember Blitzø, and why he longs for him…

“Hey. What’re you doing here?”

A voice breaks Stolas out of his misery. He turns over his shoulder, searching for this familiar voice… until suddenly, his ethereal eyes grow wide.

Blitzø is standing there, hands buried deep in his pockets, leaning towards him with a cocked eyebrow.

“Ah… oh… hello.” Stolas says, suddenly feeling flustered. He didn’t expect him at all. Just like in the hospital, Stolas feels his heart jump at the sight of him. He presses his hand to his chest, feeling the pace of it crash against his palm. This imp really makes him feel restless. It’s agony not knowing why. He replies, stuttering, “I-I, uh… I just felt like going for a walk. It helps to regain my memories.”

“Oh. Right. I’ve heard you’re remembering things a lot more lately.”

“You heard that?” Stolas asks. “From who?”

“Your daughter texts me. She keeps me updated about your progress. Seems like you’ll be back to normal soon enough.”

“Oh. Yeah…”

Stolas is bewildered. Octavia hasn’t mentioned anything about this imp or who he is, and she definitely hasn’t told him about being in contact with him. It’s all so confusing. He’s having a hard time keeping up with it all. He just can’t make any connections. He’s completely in the dark…

Stolas watches Blitzø lingering off the side, awkwardly holding his arm. He’s clearly keeping a distance intentionally. Stolas carefully slides across the bench, creating space beside him.

“...would you like to join me?”

With permission, Blitzø walks over to him, and sits on the opposite side of the bench. There’s still a sizable gap between them… but something about it feels wrong. It’s like there’s a wedge between them. Stolas knows it’s his fault because he can’t remember who Blitzø is, and he wants to ask him directly… but something about the way Blitzø keeps his distance makes it difficult. It might be information he’s not ready for without the right context. In the state he’s in right now, he’s too vulnerable. Stolas decides it’s better to wait for the memories to return on their own.

For the time being, he remains by his side, feeling horrendously stiff and self-conscious. The wind carries the smell of him in Stolas’ direction, and it makes Stolas even more restless. It’s a sensation that feels so strangely familiar, but it’s like he’s searching through a fog. There’s something there… someplace he needs to return to… but he just can’t find the way.

When Stolas glances at Blitzø, peering at him in the corner of his eye, something catches his attention.

Stolas comments, “That shirt…”

“Huh?”

“Um, it’s just… that shirt you’re wearing… it looks a little big.”

Blitzø looks down, pulling at the white material. The puffy sleeves had been bunched up to his thick wrists, emphasising how much longer it is than his arms. The hem of the shirt spills so far down his body, it covers him down to his knees. It’s wrapped loosely around his shoulders, as if he hadn’t put much thought into how he presented himself. Still, his eyes grow soft, and a small sad smile pulls on his lips.

“Ah, yeah… this isn’t mine. Damn. I didn’t realise I put this on… I must’ve been really out of it…”

Stolas scrutinises Blitzø’s appearance even more as he says this. He’s so intensely curious about him. As Blitzø peers down at the shirt he’s wearing, holding a bunch of the material in his hand, Stolas notices a golden band wrapped around his ringfinger. The way that Blitzø looks now, wearing someone else’s shirt and a ring on a significant finger, Stolas figures that Blitzø must have a partner…

Once that thought comes to him, Stolas feels a painful sting in the very depths of him. The idea of Blitzø belonging to someone actually hurts, as if his chest is being ripped in two. Stolas clenches his fist over his chest, acknowledging the ache.

“Um… I haven’t seen you since that time in the hospital… how have you been? Have you been busy?” Stolas asks, subtly inquiring why Blitzø hasn’t been in touch.

“I’ve been… well, I've been better. I’m a bit of a mess, honestly.”

“Really? Has there been something troubling you recently?”

“Hm. You could say that.” Blitzø says, gazing up at the sky. “I’ve been really losing my mind lately because my partner is sick right now.”

Once more, that aching pain tearing inside Stolas’ chest sinks deeper into him. Once Blitzø alludes to his partner, Stolas can’t stand hearing about it. Stolas actually winces after Blitzø mentions them. It hurts. Stolas rubs his chest, feeling anxious, weary… and extremely jealous.

“I’m sorry that’s happened…” Stolas says empathetically, mustering up the will to be polite. “Still, you’re standing by the person you love while they’re going through a hard time… that’s very admirable of you. That person is very lucky to have you. Though, you need to look after yourself during the process. Don’t neglect yourself. I’m sure they’d hate seeing you going through a difficult time too.”

For a moment, Blitzø is quiet. He meets with Stolas’ gaze, and they simply look at each other for a short interval. Then, with a defeated laugh, Blitzø suddenly smiles wide.

“...is that so?”

“Is there anything I can do for you right now that may help you?” Stolas offers.

Blitzø shakes his head. “Just staying here with me like this is enough.”

There’s a sincerity in his voice that gives more meaning to the words. Stolas absolutely can’t ignore that. So, for as long as Blitzø wants him to, Stolas sits right there next to him.

While they make some friendly conversation, talking about anything and nothing at all, the slow lulls into silence feel priceless. It’s strange, and Stolas can’t explain the feeling entirely, but he really feels that this moment is so incredibly precious. It’s as if this time together is everything. There’s nothing more important than the present. Right here, right now, being with each other like this is the most cherished moment. It eases the pain of Stolas losing an important part of his past – what matters most is here and now.

Here, with Blitzø… he’s simply happy to be with him.

The aching pain is dulled. Though it’s still there, it’s almost completely forgotten every time Stolas looks at Blitzø’s face. Admiring his looks. Becoming enamoured with his quirks. Tracing his edges and curves… his heart is thumping wildly for him. Regardless of whether Stolas knew him before now, it’s like he’s rediscovering him for the first time, and everything he unearths is a staggering find. Despite traversing the vast wonders of the endless universe… Blitzø is the most interesting thing Stolas has ever seen.

After a long time talking, the evening falls upon them. Sunlight has long gone, and they’re only barely able to see each other from a nearby streetlight. Only their silhouettes are decipherable amongst the shadows.

Blitzø emerges first from the bench and guides them to the street lined up by high-rise apartment buildings. Stolas follows him as they come to a nearby corner, just ahead of a short staircase leading up to an apartment entrance. Blitzø stops at the foot of the stairs, and turns back to Stolas… trying to keep up a smile, but his body language gives away that he’s reluctant.

“Well… this is me.”

“Oh… you live here?” Stolas asks, surprised. He knew this area felt familiar. He can’t believe this is the reason why…

“You okay getting home from here?”

“Oh, yeah. I’ll take a walk from here. But if I need to, I’ll just summon a portal. I’ll be alright. Thank you…”

They’re still a little unwilling to part ways as both of them wait for the other to initiate… and they hover near each other as if they’re both figuring out how to say goodbye. Blitzø leans in, and his hands flinch as if he’s going to reach towards Stolas… but then he lets his arms drop back to his side and he takes a long step back. His expression is complicated. He’s holding himself back so obviously, and Stolas can’t ignore it.

Still, Stolas simply watches as Blitzø climbs the steps towards his apartment building, and glances back over his shoulder to wave goodbye before disappearing through the front doors. Stolas is left with his hand floating in the air. Waving at no one.

Now he’s left alone, Stolas acknowledges the horrendous ache in his chest. It’s as if seeing Blitzø was a temporary painkiller, and the moment he goes, Stolas is reminded of how agonising it felt before this.

Stolas finally walks away, stepping down the street with his hands tightened together over his chest, as if he’s trying to press down the torment. His mind is racing – he’s consumed with thoughts of Blitzø. Just being with him felt so overwhelming. He’s truly bursting with feelings for him. The way Stolas watched him, looked at him… how it felt simply being beside him… Stolas felt like he was falling… falling hard…

Falling so deeply in love with him…

He finally realises this now.

It’s as if the feeling was dormant from the moment he woke up in the hospital. Though he couldn’t recognise it or put a word to the feeling… he always knew it was there.

Stolas loves him. He loves Blitzø so much…

Longing and yearning for him, Stolas searched up and down the city for him until he could stumble upon him. When he did finally find him, it was all he wanted. And after just spending a day with him, it was enough for him to fall in love again. 

The depth of it has been overwhelming from the start. Stolas can’t believe he holds such an amazing feeling. It’s absolutely staggering. Stolas wonders if he might have been in love with Blitzø like this before he lost his memory. This only makes him even more desperate to remember everything and learn what kind of relationship they had.

He absolutely has to know. Being so deeply in love with him – without knowing what they are to each other – is killing him now.

Because there’s no way he can suppress these feelings now. He wants to be Blitzø’s lover… he wants to be his so badly, he can’t take it…

And it hurts so, so much to think that Blitzø may be with someone else. If that’s the case, Stolas hesitates. If he finds out that Blitzø loves someone else, the truth may shatter him. For the briefest moment, Stolas wonders if it’s for the best that he can’t remember… but even so, Stolas wants to take that chance. He can’t stifle this feeling… this urge to tell Blitzø that he’s all he wants and all he thinks about… there’s no way he could ever keep that silenced forever.

Just then, Stolas’ phone vibrates in his pocket. When he takes it out, he discovers a message from his daughter. He opens up Octavia’s text and replies to her that he’ll be home later. He’s still not completely recovered so he must’ve worried her when he abruptly left home. So he updates her about his whereabouts…

After this, suddenly he remembers that Blitzø told him that Octavia and Blitzø text each other… but this entire time, Stolas hadn’t checked his own text message history.

Quickly, Stolas pauses in the middle of the street as he stops to look on his phone and scroll through his past messages. Eventually, after a short while searching, he finally comes across a photo of Blitzø in his contact list. He opens up their chat history and promptly begins reading.

Stolas discovers that Blitzø’s spelling and grammar is below average. He can just about make out what he’s trying to say, but Stolas only smiles at this discovery – he finds this to be just another beautiful aspect about him that Stolas enjoys. As he reads further on into their history, Stolas becomes increasingly disappointed. In most of their conversations, they were extremely curt with each other. There’s nothing revealing about their relationship from such short and blunt replies to each other. It’s as though they had a contractual business relationship. Stolas can barely read anything more out of them.

Stolas hoped they’d be a little more than what his phone presented… the way they were earlier felt like something could’ve been there… at the very least, they might’ve been friends, but Stolas dreaded the thought they could’ve been something less. 

But maybe… that’s really all they were. Just two acquaintances. And Stolas’ love is completely one-sided.

Stolas deeply sighs, feeling so woeful. His heart is broken, and even this feeling is familiar. The reality of this is starting to become more and more real, and he withholds the urge to cry. He drops his arm to the side, taking a moment to breathe…

But before he goes to turn off his phone, he stops. Something catches his eye.

At the top of his phone, he reads the name of the contact.

Blitzy

Stolas squints his eyes as he looks harder. There’s a heart emoji accompanying it. As he rolls the name around in his head over and over again, it’s like he’s chewing on it for a moment. The sound of this name is so familiar… and Stolas is so strangely accustomed to it on his tongue…

Then… it’s as if the stars align.

Something clicks.

Something connects.

His stomach drops. Before he knew it, Stolas’ body falls into the sky, transported into space as he usually does for work, and is suddenly faced with a magnificent cluster of stars all around him. They’re all shining brightly, so brilliantly, and they all form the same exact image… over and over again…

Stolas can see it now. Finally! He can see the constellations!

And everywhere he looks, he can see Blitzø’s silhouette. Posed in all manners of ways.

Every single one reminds him of the times they’ve shared together. There’s a constellation of them as young boys, playing together under a large oak tree in Stolas’ garden. There’s constellations of the days they reunited as adults, and all the unfortunate misunderstandings and miscommunications that followed.

Then, as Stolas frantically looks around, he can see constellations of the days they’ve spent as lovers. Revealing everything they were. Showing Stolas exactly what he was so desperately trying to find.

Blitzø is his love… he’s the love of his life… and Stolas finally remembers that his love was returned.

No longer lost amongst the fog in his mind, Stolas quickly returns from the skies to the street he was walking down. He’s a little dazed after regaining his memories all at once, and he stumbles on his feet, shaking with adrenaline.

He wonders woefully, how could he have forgotten this? Blitzø is so precious to him. He makes him so happy. How could he have forgotten such a huge important part of his life? How? How?

His hands tremble and tears well up in his eyes.

Blitzø… oh my darling, I’m so sorry…

I love you so much…

Giving over to despair for a moment, Stolas cries in the middle of the street. But not for too long. He desperately wants to see Blitzø now. He wants to see him so badly. He has to make this right. He has to go see him!

Quickly, Stolas turns on his heels and starts running back the way he came. With his long legs, he takes long strides as he sprints down the sidewalk and takes several turns before he reaches the apartment building he lives in. Now that his memory has returned, he knows the passcode to enter the building… and he remembers the second key that Blitzø had given him to come over whenever he wanted…

It absolutely kills him to learn about small details like this, reminding him how much they were both detrimental to each other’s lives. Stolas wastes no time in swinging the doors open, running down the halls to reach the apartment that Blitzø lives in.

As he approaches the front door, Stolas flings the key inside the lock and quickly turns it. And without a second to spare, he throws the door wide open.

“Blitzø!!” 

Once he’s inside, Stolas freezes. Shocked.

He finds Blitzø crouched down on the floor, as if he collapsed the moment he walked in after they parted ways. Blitzø has a bundle of the white shirt he’s wearing in his hands, and he’d bunched it up to his face. There’s tears rolling down from his eyes, falling into the material of the shirt. He stares in a state of shock and panic upon suddenly being discovered. He hadn’t expected Stolas at all. He caught him at such a vulnerable moment, and Blitzø scrambles to hide away.

“S-Stolas…” Blitzø averts his gaze, attempting to compose himself but it’s way too late. “Ugh, shit… g-gimme a second, I just need to… uh…”

Stolas can’t take it. He can’t stand that he’s hurt Blitzø like this.

His face breaks into distress and despair. With a loud sob, Stolas runs towards him. His legs buckle and he falls on top of Blitzø with his arms wrapped around him. As hard and tight as he can, Stolas holds him close.

“I’m sorry!! I’m so sorry, Blitzø!! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!!” Stolas weeps, burying his face into Blitzø’s neck. He doesn’t feel Blitzø move an inch. He’s too stunned. “Even though I love you more than anything… I promised that I’d love you no matter what happens… I can’t believe I… I…”

“Stolas…” Blitzø says, his voice distant, breaking out of his shock, “...do you–?”

“I remember! I remember everything!” Stolas tells him, clawing his fingers deeper into him. “I’m so sorry, my dearest love… I’m so sorry… I hate how much this has hurt you… I hate making you cry like this… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Blitzø…”

“Stolas… Stolas…” Finally, the realisation is slowly hitting him. Blitzø takes Stolas by the shoulders and pushes him back a little, just so they can lock eyes and look at each other. “Do you… do you really recognise me?”

“I do, Blitzø. I remember.”

That’s when Blitzø’s face breaks. No longer holding back, Blitzø allows the tears to flow. He grits his teeth as the overwhelming sorrow and relief washes over him.

They come together seamlessly then. Blitzø desperately wraps his arms around Stolas’ back as Stolas folds his long arms around Blitzø’s shoulders, bringing him in close and pulling him into his lap. They both cry, overcome by an amalgamation of sadness and relief. 

“Fuck, Stolas… I missed you so fucking much…” Blitzø whimpers.

“I’m sorry I left you alone all this time. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”

“It’s not your fault… it’s not your fault… I just… god fucking dammit…”

“I love you, Blitzø. I love you more than anything. You're so important to me… there’s no one else that makes me happier than you. I don’t ever want to forget about our past. But, even if I do, I know for sure… I’ll just fall in love with you all over again. You’re the only one for me, Blitzø. You’ll always be the only one… the one I love…”

“You’ve always loved me no matter what happened between us…” Blitzø says quietly, gripping his fingers through Stolas’ clothes. “...I’m a mess without you, so don’t ever fucking leave me again. I’ll fall apart if you do…”

“I’ll never leave you. Never.” Stolas tells him, squeezing him tight. “I’m so sorry, darling–”

“Stop apologising already.”

“No. No I won’t. Look at you… look at us… I did this–”

“No. Stop that. It’s not your fault, I told you. Don’t say sorry again. I’ll get really angry if you do.”

“...okay.” Stolas sniffs. He wants to apologise just once more, but he bites back the urge.

The tears don’t stop coming for either of them. Blitzø lifts himself up and cups Stolas’ face in his hands, wiping away his tears as Stolas continues to weep.

“I’m so glad you remembered…”

“Ugh… m-me too…” Stolas manages through sobs. “I love you…”

“Yeah. Me too, you idiot. I love you…”

A flourish of love bursts in Stolas’ chest. Hearing those words from him is the greatest comfort. The pain that once resided there has completely disappeared. Now he’s overcome with the most beautiful feeling – pure happiness.

Stolas gently cradles Blitzø’s head in his hands, and a defeated laugh and a grateful smile breaks through the falling tears. Blitzø returns the smile, crookedly flashing his fangs as his own tears streak down his face. They look so dishevelled and completely messed up, but they’re the happiest they’ve ever been.

“I took so long to come back to you… thank you for waiting for me, Blitzø.”

“I've made you wait way longer than this before, so this is nothing.” He says as Stolas’ childhood love.

Stolas remembers. He knows how deeply ingrained Blitzø is in his life. He knows why his heart bleeds so desperately for him. Blitzø is rooted so deep that the love could never truly be removed, even without any memory of him at all. Learning this is a strange comfort. It only confirms everything he's ever known – Blitzø is the love of his life. 

Being in his arms again is his home. Kissing him once more is the sweetest feeling. Stolas knows for certain – nothing in this world could ever rip him apart from his love.

Even if he's left with nothing at all, he'll be happy as long as he's able to hold Blitzø's hand like this.

Even if all the stars in the constellations wither and burn out, Stolas will be thinking of Blitzø in the dark. 

Feeling safe in his everlasting love. 

Knowing it’d always be there.

Even when he no longer is.

…