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Day 34
Shame is not something Wei Ying really associates with himself. Of course he has shame. He knows the difference between right and wrong, and he knows how to behave in public. He’s a little more free-spirited than most, he’s a little more daring than most, and he’s just smart enough to offend others when their thoughts and opinions aren’t quite aligned with his own. He’s brave enough to stand at the end of the world to do what he knows is right, and he’s humble enough to back down when proven wrong. (Usually.)
But man. Wei Ying sure does feel really stupid, right now. He feels a rush of shame, strong and hot enough to make up for the last twenty-five or so years. He can’t even blame any of this on Lan Zhan, even if there is an argument to be made, but when he thinks of Lan Zhan…
Everything makes sense and yet it confuses him all the more.
Wei Ying falls back to sit on his sofa – his and Lan Zhan’s sofa – and hangs his head between his knees, fingers gripping into his hair.
The question of how pounds mercilessly in his mind, but there’s no follow-up. How what? How did this happen? How does he fix this? (Is there anything to be fixed? Does he want it fixed?) How could he have been so stupid? How does Lan Zhan feel about him, really? How does Wei Ying feel?
But most importantly: how did he let himself marry Lan Zhan without even knowing how he did it?
Day 1
It is nice.
It is too nice.
Wei Ying sighs.
“Lan Zhan, when you said, Hey, let’s go apartment hunting , and I said, Hell yeah, let's do it, I went into it with a couple assumptions.”
“Hm?”
Wei Ying side-eyes Lan Zhan, his expression a little less than amused. He takes a breath and straightens up, as if about to deliver an academic lecture. “I can summarize it like this: Oh! Lan Zhan, who has a bazillion yuan in his checking account, who doesn’t need to go apartment hunting, is offering to keep me company and make suggestions to ensure that I, Wei Ying, who has the equivalent worth of two jawbreakers in his checking account, don’t get cheated out of my money.” He pauses and levels a look at Lan Zhan. “Can you imagine what I might be thinking now?”
Lan Zhan, appearing unmoved, nods. “I have an idea.”
“Oh, good.”
“Wei Ying is wrong.”
That catches Wei Ying off guard. “Wrong? How am I wrong? Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying waves his arms about in the space of the too-large apartment living room. “I can’t afford this on my own! Even if I had a roommate, I’d never be able to pay my share of the rent! Not to mention utilities and food, let alone my phone! I’ve gotten really good at saving money and budgeting, but not enough that I can squeak by living beyond my means!” Wei Ying's arms collapse to his sides with a whoosh and a fwump. He looks around, and groans mournfully “And this is way beyond my means… Lan Zhan, there are three bedrooms! And two full baths! This isn’t an apartment. This is an up-town townhouse! For rich people pretending very badly to be middle class!”
Lan Zhan shakes his head. “Not that. I am…” He pauses, searching for the words. “I am moving away from my uncle. I am also searching for an apartment.”
Wei Ying stares… and stares… and almost glares. “Lan Zhan, I already know that the collective volume of anything you would move into this apartment could fit in one bedroom. And I know you’re not inviting guests. …Other than me, of course,” he adds with a smug grin.
“If I planned on living alone, yes—”
The words go unheard as Wei Ying's thoughts railroad forward. “Why’re you moving away from your uncle? Doesn’t that leave him alone? Did he not lecture you about filial piety and leaving him to fend for himself?”
Lan Zhan shakes his head again. “My brother and his husband are moving back in. They will take care of our uncle. I hoped Wei Ying might be amenable to living with me.”
Amenable to living with him.
Amenable to living with him.
As if Wei Ying could be anything other than amenable to living with him. Wei Ying's slightly-more-than-friendly-feelings for Lan Zhan aside, Lan Zhan is one of Wei Ying's best friends. Why wouldn't Wei Ying want to live with him? But with his slightly-more-than-friendly-feelings for Lan Zhan taken into consideration, well. That would be both wonderful and terrible for his heart.
But all of that aside, there is still no way that Wei Ying can live in an apartment this big.
“Lan Zhannn,” he sobs dramatically. “I can’t afford even half of this. When I say I’m looking for a matchbox-sized room, I mean it. You know the mini apartments in Seoul? The capsule hotels in Tokyo? Think smaller.
“Gah, this is impossible. The system is rigged against the poor! This is all to keep the little man down… You know I used to have money? Well, not me—”
“Wei Ying.”
Wei Ying stops talking aloud, taking the utterance of his name as admonishment, but his thoughts continue strong. He may look like he’s listening, as he nods and hums along to his own thoughts, but nothing that exists outside of his mental theater is worth any notice. His thoughts instead are on his youth spent with the Jiangs and the financial freedom he had under their roof. This is no more, of course, and he’s left to build himself from the ground up. Alone, with no help.
When Wei Ying thinks back on this moment, this is when he should have been paying attention and listening instead of being so immersed in his own thoughts. He only picks up pieces of what Lan Zhan is saying:
“…Assume the financial responsibility … open a joint bank account … grow savings and portfolio…”
Wei Ying tunes back in, stitching the words together with the image of Lan Zhan presenting a document to him.
“Oh,” he says, grabbing the document. But his thoughts are still jumbled and his eyes aren’t focusing. “Like a roommate agreement.”
“…Something of that nature, I suppose.” Lan Zhan says it almost like a joke.
At least in the way that Lan Zhan tells jokes; the way that makes Wei Ying smile and laugh every time because fuck you, Jiang Cheng, Lan Zhan is hilarious.
Lan Zhan continues, "If we provide proof, we receive a small discount on our rent."
“Say less. Got a pen?”
Lan Zhan wants to be roommates. Lan Zhan is paying for everything. Lan Zhan is getting them a discount! It’s not like Wei Ying is using Lan Zhan if Lan Zhan offers, right? It’s not like Wei Ying is going to spend his money frivolously, or take space without taking a fair share of responsibility. It’s just to help him get a stronger foundation! Because Lan Zhan is a great friend!
Wei Ying signs the document, and does not notice how flushed Lan Zhan’s ears are.
“I will take it to my brother. He will see to it that it gets to the right people.”
Lan Zhan says something else as Wei Ying gives the apartment another glance. This is going to be his apartment. His and Lan Zhan’s. It's still so terrifyingly large, but it will have him and Lan Zhan to fill it up!
“We should have them by tomorrow, if all goes well.”
Wei Ying stops and smiles widely at Lan Zhan. He’s overcome with a rush of excitement, and he leaps forward to wrap his arms around Lan Zhan’s neck in a hug.
“Ah, thank you, Lan Zhan! You’ve really made me so happy! You know?” He really does mean it as a friend. He means for this opportunity that he knows no one else would be willing or able to grant him. He means it in an I love you so much, I hope my sincerity is clear to you, I hope you understand kind of way.
He can feel how Lan Zhan freezes under him and then thaws, arms wrapping around Wei Ying’s waist as he returns the hug. Almost solemnly he says, “You, too, Wei Ying.”
Day 6
There had been a slight misunderstanding between Lan Zhan and Wei Ying. When Lan Zhan had said, ‘We should have them by tomorrow,’ Wei Ying thought he meant that the apartment keys would be theirs the next day. What Lan Zhan meant was that the roommate agreement would be in his, Lan Zhan's, hands, and taken to the leasing office to approve for their monthly discount.
So, in the meantime, Lan Zhan had updated Wei Ying on just about everything. All of the utilities were put in Wei Ying's name (paid for, still, by Lan Zhan), and Lan Zhan had ensured Wei Ying that the certificates - really, he still has no idea why the agreement is being called a certificate but it sounds fun and official - made it through procedure well-enough, stamped and all, and kept secure in a safe. New furniture was set to arrive early-morning on move-in day, and Lan Zhan had arranged for movers to pick up Wei Ying's belongings (all 4 boxes) in the early afternoon so Wei Ying had time to wake up and get himself ready.
And now, the apartment keys are in their hands, movers have moved, and the furniture is all arranged. (All to Lan Zhan's liking. Wei Ying knows that he himself has never had a taste for Feng Shui and if it was up to him and his budget, he'd have a 1300-yuan beanbag instead of a 50,000-yuan sectional. He had no opinion before, and he has no opinion now.)
The apartment does, admittedly, look a little smaller now that there's furniture. It's actually kind of comforting, both in terms of so much space and also rest. Wei Ying can't help but fall sideways onto the new couch and laugh.
"Lan Zhan! Come here. Ahh, this is so comfy... Who needs a bed when you have an extra wall of cushion to snuggle against?"
Lan Zhan sounds very close, very fast. "Couch cushions do not offer the same support as a mattress."
Wei Ying jumps up in surprise, his forehead hitting Lan Zhan's with a truly horrifying and body-cringing crack, and both end up in the fetal position - Wei Ying on the couch, Lan Zhan on the floor - and clutching their heads.
Day 10
Wei Ying loves his bedroom. Lan Zhan really spared no expense when it came to furnishing it. He has a nice full-size mattress, the softest sheets; he has a dresser! A floor-length mirror! A computer desk! A computer forthe desk! Bookshelves! With books! Lan Zhan bought him all these things without even telling him, and it's not that Wei Ying feels indebted, okay? Lan Zhan made this decision on his own, and Wei Ying knows that these are basic necessities for a bedroom.
It's just not something that just anyone would do for him. Except, apparently, Lan Zhan.
It feels… Wei Ying feels like he's being taken care of. It's not a feeling he's accustomed to unless he's with Jiang Yanli, but he's eager to admit to himself that he likes this kind of attention from Lan Zhan.
He also hopes he can do something nice for Lan Zhan, as well.
So almost a week into their life as roomies - Wei Ying has made an entire album on his phone to document his new Life With Lan Zhan through pictures and videos - it's with a tad of heaviness and guilt that Wei Ying trudges himself at 2:30 AM to Lan Zhan's room, pillow in hand, to knock on his door.
No, he did not have a nightmare, but he may as well have. It turns out that the neighbors are dog-sitting for the next month and the dog, Wei Ying earlier saw, is huge. And loud. And has the deadliest-looking teeth.
Wei Ying may be terrified of dogs, but as long as they're contained, he can survive. Not happily, but he can handle it.
But by the fourth night of the fucking Twilight Bark (He doesn't even like 101 Dalmatians!) Wei Ying can no longer pretend.
Lan Zhan opens the door, just a hint of fatigue in the corner of his eyes. "Wei Ying?"
"Ahah, hey… Um. Can I…" He clears his throat, trying not to feel any heat creep up his cheeks at just thinking his next words. "Can I crash in here tonight?"
Lan Zhan fixes him with a look. "That isn't a problem. Is there something inadequate about your room?"
"No!" Wei Ying hurriedly assures. "No, the room itself is great, it's–it's wonderful. Nothing wrong with it." He swallows, and admits, "There's a… dog. In the apartment on my side. It keeps barking and–"
"You have cynophobia."
"Bless you. Come again?"
"A fear of canines."
Wei Ying grumbles, "I don't think it deserves a fancy phobia title, but sure."
Lan Zhan invites him in and Wei Ying finds that Lan Zhan's room is decorated similarly to his own, just calmer. Unlike Wei Ying, Lan Zhan tries to incorporate Feng Shui a little more, and he must keep incense burning somewhere because the room smells of sandalwood. (It's not overwhelming, and Wei Ying finds himself relaxing almost immediately.)
"You may sleep on the left side of the bed," Lan Zhan says, and Wei Ying nods and crawls in.
Lan Zhan is really, truly, far too good to Wei Ying.
Day 18
Lan Zhan continues to give small gifts to Wei Ying through the first couple weeks. Wei Ying doesn't question it. If Lan Zhan wants to keep getting him gifts, Wei Ying isn't about to deny them. Fun little knick-knacks to handy accouterments for his flute, it's like Lan Zhan see, Lan Zhan get.
It's just that this time…
This time it's a ring.
It's not some little trinket out of a gumball machine; it's not something picked up at a cheap novelty store. It's…
It's a fucking ring. It's a silver band and it's heavy and shiny and Wei Ying feels like if he loses this, it's a death sentence.
He manages to squeak out a frantic, "Lan Zhan?!" and looks between the ring in the palm of his hand and Lan Zhan's face. Back and forth. "You? This?"
If Lan Zhan looks confused or perplexed or embarrassed, Wei Ying doesn't notice. He's too busy trying to figure out just what this ring is for.
(His heart beats much faster, and he can feel a hint of excitement spark within him. Wei Ying knows, of course, what a ring like this symbolizes, and it's not as though anyone decides to just up and purchase one for their roommate. Unless they're Lan Zhan, he supposes, but that somehow doesn't take away from the happy warmth he feels when he imagines what the ring might look like on his finger, next to the ring on Lan Zhan's finger when they hold hands and lace their fingers together–)
Wei Ying glances at Lan Zhan's fingers, where a matching ring rests comfortably on his left ring finger. Half-way there!
Wei Ying grins, and slips his ring on his own left ring finger to match with a soft cackle. "Well, well, well. The most prim and proper Lan Zhan is trying to wife me up. Can you believe it…" he sighs wistfully. He then cups either side of his face with his hands, a shy, embarrassed grin stretched between them. "What kind of wife would I even be! Trophy? I am a prize, you know. Or–oh, attic wife me, Lan Zhan! Convince the neighbors I'm simply under the weather? Come home to have your way with me? Let me be a kept man!" Then he drops his hands and takes on a very serious stance, hands on his hips. "I'm going to be upfront with you, I can handle my own measly income and budget but just 5 yuan more and I'm a lost cause. You'll simply have to manage our finances!"
Lan Zhan remains silent for a moment more, as if taking detailed mental notes of Wei Ying's little monologue, before speaking. "You will remain Wei Ying, you will not be locked up, and you needn't worry about finances."
His eyes fall to the ring on Wei Ying's finger. Wei Ying does not miss that, and blushes.
"As I previously explained, the Lan family accountant will handle the majority of our income and oversee our bank information unless you express any form of discomfort with that."
"Family accountant…"
Wei Ying has no clue when he became part of the Lan family - wonders if Lan Qiren is aware because he feels like he would have heard those dulcet tones weeks ago - but if whatever that roommate agreement said about finances included a free accountant, Wei Ying is in.
"Please remember that the joint bank account is there for you to withdraw from should you ever be in need of it."
Wei Ying snickers. "Maybe if there's a dire emergency, but the only emergency here right now is how quickly my heart is drumming, Lan Zhan. Ah, think of all the people we could trick with these rings!"
Something about the words doesn't sound right. Something about the way Wei Ying can see something stumble in Lan Zhan's gaze doesn't feel right.
Maybe it will pass.
Day 21
Wei Ying wakes up ungodly early, still on the left side of Lan Zhan's bed.
Wei Ying, as most young men his age, wakes up with a boner.
Without thinking, Wei Ying turns around in bed to fall asleep again, and ends up facing Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan is awake.
The covers are still covering them, but it's not hard to figure out just where Lan Zhan's hand is. Or what it was doing just three seconds ago.
"...Good morning, Lan Zhan."
Lan Zhan does not respond. Lan Zhan just deftly turns around under the covers, neatly gets out of the bed, and heads immediately to the bathroom.
Wei Ying hears the shower start, and what sounds like two hands slapping very hard on the countertop.
What a way to start the day!
Day 25
It's not that Lan Zhan keeps his distance after that incident. He actually doesn't really… change anything about their interactions. Neither does Wei Ying. Of course, Wei Ying still wakes up many mornings to a boner, and Lan Zhan has taken to rising even earlier than he normally does to jump in the shower.
Lan Zhan still makes breakfast and leaves it ready for Wei Ying to heat up when he wakes up. Wei Ying still picks up and cleans before he heads to work. Lan Zhan still starts dinner to have it ready when Wei Ying gets home, complete with chili oil on the side. Lan Zhan still gives Wei Ying small gifts and Wei Ying even splurges a couple hundred yuan to buy Lan Zhan something in return.
It's just a little cloud-bunny picture frame, but when Lan Zhan takes it and looks at it, Wei Ying can recognize just how much Lan Zhan actually likes the gift. It's hidden just behind the aloof stoicism that Wei Ying breaks into a little more day-by-day. Lan Zhan keeps it on his bedside table all the same. He's yet to put a photo in it.
It's all very… domestic.
Wei Ying loves it.
Of course, Wei Ying hasn't forgotten about waking up to catch Lan Zhan quietly beating off so he may also leave a small bottle of lube and a box of condoms in Lan Zhan's drawer.
Is it a hint? Even Wei Ying isn't sure.
…But he wouldn't mind, he thinks.
Day 34, 20 minutes earlier
Lan Zhan likes to do a thorough cleaning and purging every couple months. Wei Ying knows this, and decides it's his duty to help. Not only as a friend but as a roommate, and he actually ends up having a lot of fun.
If his version of fun is moving things two inches to the left every time Lan Zhan leaves the room just to watch Lan Zhan return, stare concernedly, and silently question his own observational skills and spatial awareness, then he has to admit that Lan Zhan got off easy.
It's Wei Ying who doesn't get away unscathed.
He's helping Lan Zhan in Lan Zhan's walk-in closet and while Wei Ying is making sure that all of Lan Zhan's workout socks are in one drawer and office socks are in another, Lan Zhan is examining the papers and documents in the safe. Once Wei Ying has determined that all socks have been appropriately sorted, he sits back and looks over the piles of documents that Lan Zhan has made:
Expired, renew. Expired, do not renew. Ikea manuals. Manuals and instructions for the TV, bluetooth devices, mobiles, and other similarly related paraphernalia. Warranties and insurance information for the TV, bluetooth devices, mobiles, and other similarly related paraphernalia. Bank account information. Bank account information for Wei Ying. Bank account information for Wei Ying and Lan Zhan's joint account. Marriage certificates and passports. Lan Qiren's statement of accounts and working will–
Wei Ying does a double-take.
His eyes back up one pile and widen when he reads the gold-gilded title of the jujube red booklet.
Marriage certificate? For whom? He picks it up and opens it, and there at the center page is a picture of him and Lan Zhan. Red background and all. Wei Ying smiling brightly, Lan Zhan with that calm and serene grin. He doesn't remember taking this photo with Lan Zhan, let alone taking one with a solid red background. Is it photoshopped? And why is it in a marriage–
He reads the characters. This is Lan Zhan's certificate. Looking back at the pile there's a second one, and with a shaky hand Wei Ying reaches to grab it, opens it, and sure enough. Same photo, reversed information, but this one is his.
According to this, he's–
He and Lan Zhan are…?
"Hey. Lan Zhan."
"Hm?" Lan Zhan is adding another paper to the expired: do not renew pile.
"This question may sound silly because the date is right here, but… When the fuck did we get married?!"
At present, Day 34
"So it was never… a roommate agreement."
"Insofar as these are legal and technical certificates, no. I apologize, Wei Ying. I thought you understood me that day."
Wei Ying throws himself against the back of the sectional and slides down into a slouch. He can feel just how red his face is, and he's fairly certain it matches the red of the certificates' booklets. When he thinks back to that day in the empty apartment, he realizes that he can't recall too much of what Lan Zhan had said, outside of snippets. Which means that he let his mind wander, and hadn't paid attention.
Lan Zhan has probably been upfront about everything since the very beginning. It's Wei Ying who has been behind.
Everything almost makes sense. The rings, Lan Zhan buying him gifts, the furnished bedroom, the breakfasts, the dinners, the–
Wei Ying hides his face. Thinking of Lan Zhan masturbating, knowing that they've been married for a month, now, is totally different. (Right?) And to think that he left lube and condoms in Lan Zhan's drawer! Oh, the embarrassment…
He takes a breath. It doesn't take Wei Ying long to decide that his feelings started off romantic, and it takes less time to decide that he still feels that way. The excitement he felt when Lan Zhan gave him the ring, the teasing…
He frowns.
"I'm sorry I'm so oblivious, I promise to do better…"
"If you find yourself uncomfortable in this situation, and would like to request a divorce certificate, I understand and will comply."
"No–!" Wei Ying shouts, sitting up straight, in shock. "I mean, haha, it seems like your brother went through so much trouble and pulled so many strings to get this done when he did. I could never disrespect his efforts. Unless... Unless you want to?" Wei Ying tries to ignore the anxious beat of his heart trying to keep from breaking. "Haha, I can't imagine wanting to stay married to a moron, fake or not."
Lan Zhan shakes his head. "I do not wish for a divorce."
"You're only saying that because you think I care about the discounted rent!"
Lan Zhan shakes his head again. "You are not a moron, and I do not wish for a divorce." He fixes Wei Ying with an intent stare that makes him shiver. Then he says, with a tone that freezes Wei Ying, "Do you hear what I am saying this time, Wei Ying?"
Wei Ying swallows hard. Lan Zhan is asking him to read between the lines. Wei Ying can do that. Wei Ying can hear what Lan Zhan is actually saying. It takes him a moment or two to relax. Feel warmth melt his worried heart back to calm. He grins a little, falling back, and holds up his arms.
"Then, Husband, please take care of your dear wife."
Lan Zhan steps obediently forward, pulling Wei Ying to his feet. Wei Ying wraps his arms around Lan Zhan's neck, and stares the man down.
"So even through sickness and in health? Even if I do something outrageous and make national headlines? Til death do we part, and all? Would you want a divorce then?"
Lan Zhan shakes his head. "No. I would not wish for divorce even then."
"Do you hear what I'm saying too, Lan Zhan?"
Lan Zhan's arms wrap tentatively around Wei Ying at first, and then pulls him in tightly before burying his face in Wei Ying's shoulder. "Mn."
Wei Ying throws his head back and laughs. "Lan Zhan, oh Lan Zhan. You know, there's something that still has to happen before this marriage is properly official. I cannot believe you have been so remiss!" He pulls back, holding Lan Zhan at a distance just to make eye contact that he knows will fluster Lan Zhan. "Can you guess what it is?"
He is rewarded, and he watches how deeply Lan Zhan's ears stain red. "Shameless…"
"Yeah," Wei Ying scoffs, "says the one who let me think our marriage was a roommate agreement. Says the one I caught that morning with his hands down his pants."
"Wei Ying!'
"Who's truly the shameless one here, Lan Zhan?"
Lan Zhan doesn't say anything to that. He just scoops Wei Ying up into his arms, into a bridal carry as he takes them to his bedroom.
Wei Ying smiles, admiring his husband, and sighs happily.