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At first, Keith was a little confused as to why he always suffered that tiny stab to the heart, the weird tugging towards them, the cold running down his arms and his back, making his chest tight, whenever he saw Hunk, Pidge and Lance cuddled up together on one of the couches, sharing a blanket and watching a silly movie on Pidge’s phone. It took him a long time to figure it out, but he was sure he felt a little left out, a little lonely maybe, the tiniest bit jealous.
Keith was distraught with himself, but he didn’t know how to change anything about it. He could have gone to Shiro, but the other simply seemed too busy and too stressed himself, that he didn’t want to bother him with something so unnecessary.
Being with the Blade didn’t make it any better, either. He was surrounded by tons of people basically all the time, but the Blade members weren’t known for being notoriously huggy people, so every day that passed, he seemed to dig himself deeper into a pit filled to the brim with that strange feeling.
And it didn’t seem to get any better even when he was back at the castle. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to get closer, he just didn’t know how. They had grown together as a team, that much was true but he still sometimes didn't dare just plopping down besides them. It seemed so easy when they did it and he wanted to be a part of it so desperately that it got almost too much to bear. He was sure he could if he’d just ask or do something, but simply the thought of asking for a hug was making him want to storm out of the room again. He had been gone for too long and he was scared that maybe the team had moved on without him, that there was a connection between the others, that simply had no room left for him, that trying to force himself into a friendship would only rip the fragile sentiments he was trying to cling to apart.
On some nights Keith just couldn’t get himself to sleep. He was dead tired but his brain was set on jeopardizing him again and again until he wanted to bang his head against the nearest wall until he’d pass out that way. After a couple of hours he would get up, get something to drink and then stand around his room and stare at the ceiling until his neck got sore. He thought about going to train his thoughts away, but Shiro had promised to make hell break loose if he or any of the others caught him in the training room at night again instead of getting his very much needed sleep. So he wandered around in the hallway in front of his bedroom door until he was swaying, bones aching from being overtired, yet still feeling absolutely miserable on the inside.
On this night however as his feet started hurting from walking up and down the same path for the last hour, the door opposite from him slid open and Lance was standing there, in his pajamas looking very much worried.
“Sorry did I wake you?” Now he had even managed to drag someone else into his dilemma, Lance of all people, who valued his sleep like the holy grail. He truly wished he could just pass out immediately like every sane person would.
“No, you stomping around like a madman at 3 am would lull a baby to sleep.” Lance answered dryly before yawning and grabbing his arm to drag them both back into Keith’s room and sitting them next to each other on the bed. Keith attempted to say something but immediately got interrupted.
“Don’t think I didn’t realize you barely slept the last couple days. First of all, your boots are kind of loud and secondly you don’t even realize when I’m talking to you throughout the day.”
“I’m sorry-.” He started, only to be interrupted again.
“And also you’re always standing in a corner looking all sad and moody. So, I think what you need is a hug.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not!”, Lance laughed, throwing his arms around his sides, making him squirm to try and get away. “You’re not getting out of getting appreciated tonight!” After a while he relented, even if the hug didn’t help with his thoughts or the speed of his heart beat it did make him feel more secure, a little less like floating outside of his own body with nowhere to go and no way to change it.
“Do you feel lonely?”, Lance asked arms still slung around his back and sides. His mind was yelling at him not to say anything so he spoke the word as fast he could.
“Yeah.”
“Me too…”, he paused for a second before continuing as if he could read Keith’s mind. “Those thoughts really do mess you up, huh?” Keith stayed silent, but for Lance he really didn’t need to say anything.
“Do you want me to stay for a while?”
“I’m so tired though.”, Keith pleaded, his shoulders dropping, he didn’t want Lance to leave but he also didn't want to pass out on him.
“That’s ok, we can make that work.” Lance leaned back and patted his lap. “No protesting! I’m not leaving until I’m 100% sure you’re doing better.”
“I’m already doing better.”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
Keith was a little reluctant, but he was too tired to go against Lance’s good willed nature. If he didn’t agree now, they’d be still sitting here in hours. So he let himself fall over his head resting on the other's lap, with Lance slowly combing his fingers through his hair. And for the first time in a while, his thoughts drifted away peacefully.
“It’s so cold here at night.” He said after a while.
“That’s why I’m here,” Lance remarked, rearranging them slowly, tugging him into his blanket and laying down beside him.
And as he fell asleep that night, his heart felt a tiny bit warmer.