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I (35 m) moved to Korea when I was 20 yo. I moved here to study, but I dropped the uni pretty quick, and started working at a music company as a producer/lyricist/composer. I met my best friend (37 m), let’s call him Jihoon, at work. He also just started to work as a producer there and we were often working together so it was natural that we became really good friends.
10 years ago I met “Jeongyeon” (37 f). She was working in the supermarket close to my apartment as a cashier so I saw her almost every day. After some time I started talking to her. Even when I wasn't shopping and eventually fell in love. Jeongyeon has two sons - Jungwoo and Jungwon, who were 3 and 1 yo at the time, from her previous relationship. After a year we started dating and two years after that we got married.
It was a happy marriage, we had only one problem. Around 5 years ago we started to try for a baby. I love her sons but we also wanted to have a baby together. She also wanted to have a daughter. Unfortunately, it was hard. After 6 months of trying unsuccessfully, we went to doctor’s to check if something was wrong but there wasn't any problem with our health. Eventually, a year later, we found out she was pregnant and we were very happy.
Everything started going downhill when she miscarried. She fell into depression after that. And two years ago I found out she started becoming aggressive towards her sons.
They didn't tell me at first, but when I saw bruises on them one night, when she went to work for a night shift and I was putting them to bed, they started crying and told me what she had been doing for a few months. I confronted her about it the next day and she wasn't even trying to deny it. She told me she hates that she has them and not our baby.
Now - Jeongyeon was in a toxic relationship before we met and had her two sons with him. The man was abusive towards her both physically and mentally. She told me she hates this man and his sons, that she can't stand them anymore, especially when she can't have a baby with me. I reported her abuse of the boys to the police and divorced her a year ago.
During the divorce Jihoon helped me a lot. I always could ask him for advice, he offered me a shoulder to cry on and we talked a lot so I was able to figure things out for myself. After the divorce was finalized and I accepted my new reality, I found out that I may have more than a friendly feeling towards him. I’m pansexual and after the divorce he started to become very attractive in my eyes, especially because of the emotional support he gave me during that hard time.
There's only one problem - I don't think Jihoon likes Jungwon and Jungwoo. During the divorce I was trying to win (and successfully gained) full custody of them, even though they're not my biological kids. I really love them and they called me dad almost from the start of my relationship with Jeongyeon. They couldn't stay with her because of the abuse, but I also didn't want them to go to their biological dad because I was scared that he would also abuse them.
But Jihoon was trying to convince me to not try for custody at all. He always was always saying that they weren't my kids and that I have no obligations towards them. So even if it's possible that Jihoon could also like me as more than a friend (he told me he is gay), I'm not sure if he wants to be in a relationship with me because of my kids.
I don't want to destroy our friendship in the first place, but I’m also thinking about the kids. I’m not sure if it will be good for them if I pursue a relationship with him. I’m not scared that he would be abusive but I don't want to hurt them if they start to like him and he acts cold towards them.
I just wanted to vent, but I will gladly take all the advice you guys have to give.