Work Text:
Remember when you lost your shit and
Drove the car into the garden
And you got out and said I'm sorry
To the vines and no one saw it
I need my girl
I need my girl
I'm under the gun again
I know I was the 45 percenter then
I know I was a lot of things
But I am good, I am grounded
Davy says that I look taller
I can't get my head around it
I keep feeling smaller and smaller
I need my girl
I need my girl
- The National
~~~~~
“And so I’m walking away.”
“Don’t do this. Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this?!”
“I’m sorry.”
He lets himself linger in her orbit for just a moment as he places a gentle kiss on the crown of her head.
He desperately hopes this action can somehow convey all of the words he can’t say.
“I hate this.”
“I don’t want this either.”
“I hope to God that one day I’ll be able to hold you in my arms once more.”
“You made me so happy.”
He then takes a step back from her, and as his hands trace the sides of her face, he feels her nimble fingers grasp his jacket, as though to pull him closer and keep him near.
And it’s that one simple, desperate act that causes him to turn away from her heartbroken form and start his walk towards his truck.
Walking away from her tear-stained face was the most difficult thing Tim Bradford had ever done or survived in his nearly forty years on this earth. It was more difficult than his childhood trauma. It was harder than the harsh realities of war. It was more shattering than losing his wife to addiction. It was more painful than any gunshot or knife wound.
Because it was her.
She had found a broken man and slowly pieced him back together again.
I need my girl
She pieced him back together with her sunshine and tenacity. She pieced him back with her kindness, her belief in others, her neurotic tendencies, and her nerdy ramblings.
With every smile.
With every prank.
With every challenge.
With every quirk of her eyebrow.
With every moment he was in her presence.
She pieced him back together.
“Veggie burger and fries. Extra pickles.”
“Gerald!”
“Do you want to come in?”
“I shouldn’t.”
“I’m keeping you company.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know.”
“Unless it is.”
“You know, you are going to make a really great dad one day.”
“Yes, I love you.”
And now…
“Don’t do this. Why are you doing this?”
Tears prick his eyes as he turns the car on and starts his drive back to his place.
Away from her.
I need my girl
He starts his drive down the empty streets back to his house. It is certainly not an unfamiliar route, as he’s driven down these roads countless times before.
But that was before.
Before them.
Before she became his home.
I need my girl
And now his house is just a house because whenever she is, that is his home.
It is this thought that triggers a flood of new memories of the two of them.
In the early nights of their courtship, he would pin her against his car door and kiss her until she forgot her name. The night of their sixth date - a makeshift drive in movie night. They watched her favorite film, projected on the side of a downtown office building, while eating take-out. And after, they cuddled under both the blankets and the light of the stars.
And then the later days of their established relationship. The morning runs to their favorite coffee shop. The Sunday morning trips to the Farmers Market. The work days that they drove into work together and back home together.
I need my girl
He blinks away the tears as he turns on his street and parks his truck in the driveway. He doesn’t make a move to leave his spot in his darkened driveway. The absolute shock of his choice to walk away from the one true thing that made sense in his life is starting to hit him.
And he has a feeling it will send him reeling as time passes.
But he knows he made the right choice when he recalls just how much of a mess this Ray situation has caused.
“She deserves better,” he tells himself as he gets out of his vehicle and makes his way into his house.
He will never call it a home, for she is his home.
The house is silent.
Kojo stays with his sister and his nephews on the nights that he is at Lucy’s. When they stay at his place, his house is a home. There is usually soft music playing as they cook dinner. There is always candlelight. And there are always treats for their favorite canine.
But not tonight.
Tonight, the house is dark and quiet, and he has never felt more alone.
“Good. It’s what I deserve,” he thinks bitterly as he grabs a six pack and heads into his living room and over to the couch.
I need my girl
He sits down on the sofa, and it’s then that he realizes how much she is in this house.
The throw blanket that was currently draped over the couch.
The piece of art that she bought him.
Her favorite tea that he keeps on hand just for her.
The pictures of the two of them.
I need my girl
He opens one beer and takes a long swig as he leans back on the sofa.
They had just been talking about taking the next step and moving in together.
His place or hers?
How to combine their differing styles?
Who’s current place is closer to work?
Should they get a brand new place altogether?
How did they go from answering those questions together to ... this?
Apart.
I need my girl
Her, heartbroken and miles away from him.
And him, in an empty, quiet, and dark house, alone.
He’s not quite sure, but he does know that he needs her.
He will always need her.
Even he can’t have her.
I need my girl
I need my girl
I need my girl
~~~~~