Archive of Our Own

June 13

Rapunzel started bringing this new friend over to our apartment for the past few weeks. I haven’t met her personally yet, but with the amount of stories Rapunzel had been telling me, I didn't think I needed to. 

She told me she met someone interesting in her class, she was foreign, had a unique face but was quick to be acquainted with our customs, so it didn’t take a lot of effort for them to become instant friends. As per Rapunzel's words. 

Every time my roommate came home from school, she always had a new story to tell about this new friend. 

Honeymaren is an amazing athlete. 

Honeymaren has four dogs and they’re so cute. 

Honeymaren ate a whole bowl of fries in like five minutes. 

Honeymaren said her brother and her grandmother are coming to visit her here and is inviting me to meet them. I should look my best!

Honeymaren said I look sexy in this. What do you think, Elsa?

I should be annoyed, if I’m being completely honest. I should be completely pissed off that the only thing I hear from my roommate’s mouth is Honeymaren. 

But I couldn’t find a reason to tell her off. Rapunzel and I had always established that our apartment was our safe place and that she was free to share whatever she wanted to. So why would I be that bitch and get mad at her for making a friend and being excited to share about said friend? 

It was still weird for me, though. Because I never met this Honeymaren, but I felt like I knew everything about her.

This was the first time I met her. 

Rapunzel asked the other day if she could have dinner with us, explaining to me that she had been wanting to invite her new best friend over to hang out and for her to meet me. 

I wanted to say no because I usually come home tired from work and I just started it too, so being in my room after dinner was the best way for me to relax. 

But the look on Rapunzel's face when she asked me was… hard to resist. I had a soft spot for her, I believed, and I kinda hated myself for it. 

I was in the kitchen, cooking beef and vegetable stew again, because it was Rapunzel's favorite. She, on the other hand, was on the way from picking up Honeymaren from her apartment. I honestly had no idea if Honeymanre was going to like this, but according to Rapunzel, Honeymaren was from The Northuldra, and I was aware they liked the same food as what we have here in Arendelle. 

That was a safe way to think. Rapunzel assured me, so I just listened. She knew Honeymaren more than me, anyway. 

And if Honeymaren didn’t like it, I was just expecting that she was going to be polite about it and say something nice, then force herself to eat it.

It wouldn’t be the first time that would happen. It also happened with a bunch of friends I had before Rapunzel, and they did the exact same thing. Which was utterly annoying. 

I would rather people be honest with me than lie with honeyed words because they wanted to save face. It always happened. 

The door to our apartment suddenly opened and Rapunzel suddenly shouted. 

“Els! We’re here!”

I couldn’t help but smile at that, what a silly girl.

“Hi, Punz,” I greeted her, taking my eyes off the pot for a bit to look at her. “Where’s your friend?”

She stepped to the side and a tall girl entered. “Here she is!” She looked at her friend with a big smile. “Maren, this is Elsa, my roommate since first year college.”

I turned off the stove to walk closer to them. I was a bit taken aback by how this woman looked. It was definitely different. It had been a while since I met someone that wasn’t from Arendelle. 

From a glance I could tell that Honeymaren was definitely taller than me, maybe by a few inches. Puffy cheeks, big smile, big eyes, long brown hair, lovely brown skin. 

I had to admit, she was gorgeous. 

But for some reason, with the way she was fidgeting on her spot and how she was jumping on her heels, she was kinda… weird.

“Hi, Elsa! I’m Honeymaren, or Maren for short.” She introduced herself, and that made me cock a brow. She looked a bit younger than me.

I bit back my thoughts and smiled softly at her, offering my hand to be polite. “Hi Honeymaren. I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

For some reason, she beamed when I said that, taking my hand with both of hers. Her smile became even bigger and all that was left was to see if a tail would wag furiously behind her. 

“Really? I hope it’s mostly good things,” she said cheerily. 

If anything, it was everything. Rapunzel wouldn’t shut up about you. 

“Of course! I always say something good about you!” Rapunzel interrupted and I’m glad she did. I didn’t know how to respond to that actually. 

The two started bickering, and it amused me. I could see why these two get along so well. Too energetic, the same childish antics and at least the teasing was lighthearted. 

At least Honeymaren was polite, despite being loud. Rapunzel and she had been talking nonstop over dinner, it was as if they wanted to ignore the dinner I made. 

But whatever, the sooner dinner was over, the sooner she could go home, and I could finally rest. 

“What’s your work, Elsa?” Honeymaren suddenly asked me. Before I could gather my bearings and give her an answer, she immediately added, “It’s so cool that Punz has a friend that’s out of college. I thought she’d be the big sister amongst our other friends in class.” 

She talked too much. Too much for my liking and I didn’t really like being cut off. But I still replied, trying my best to not sound curt. Though it was hard to hide the want to be a bitch. 

Honeymaren was starting to annoy me. She was asking too many questions about me. But it was fine, I could keep my answers short and simple. No space for a follow up question. 

I also noticed that Honeymaren liked to touch Rapunzel. She placed her arm on the backrest of Rapunzel's seat. Then my roommate would lean closer, smile at Honeymaren like she—

Oh. 

Okay. This made more sense. 

I think they might be dating. 

But why didn’t Rapunzel tell me? I’m not homophobic. I made sure to let her know that when she came out bisexual to me a year ago. 

Or maybe she needed time, maybe she didn’t want me to know yet. It was none of my business anyway. But at least I understood why Rapunzel wouldn’t stop talking about her.

They look cute together. 

Dinner was finally done, I decided to clean up so Rapunzel could escort Honeymaren out of the apartment and she could go home. Plus, I wanted to give them some alone time, I’m probably a bother. 

I casually waved at Honeymaren, thanked her for visiting and went back to the kitchen to fix up. 

But before I could zone out, I felt her behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see her standing too close to me. I took a step back and looked at her, confused. 

“Elsa, thank you for dinner, it was spicy but not too spicy. Maybe a bit too sour too? I’m not sure. But it could be my taste buds. I am different after all.” She was rambling and I didn’t know how to respond to that. “I would love to come back and taste more of your cooking. Thank you again, Els. I’ll see you soon!” 

She was calling me Els already?

But she didn’t wait for my response and ran to the door, waving at me while she exited with Rapunzel. 

Weird. 

//

July 6

Honeymaren had been hanging around a lot in our apartment. And she was always there for the same reason, which I didn't mind. It was just weird that she was always here whenever I didn't have work in the evenings. 

Sometimes Rapunzel would cook dinner, sometimes it would be me. Oftentimes Honeymaren would offer to cook as well, and said she wanted us to try some common Northuldran meals. I mean, we could totally get those in the authentic restaurants within the city, but I guess it was really different if it was home cooking and from a Northuldran herself. 

Tonight was another night that she was cooking. Rapunzel and Honeymaren were outside while I stayed in my room. I had a horrible day at the restaurant, and I really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone unless it was time to eat. 

The moment they call me to eat, then I will come out and act friendly again. But I won’t overdo it. I’m really tired. 

The knock on my door got my attention. They were probably done. But why was Rapunzel quiet? She would usually shout whenever dinner was ready. 

I got up from my bed, fix my hair lazily with a hand, and opened the door. I was expecting to see Rapunzel but instead, I was looking up at Honeymaren, who again, was giving me a big, stupid smile. 

“Hi, Elsa! Dinner is ready!” She exclaimed, jumping on her spot. I honestly didn’t know why she did that. 

I take a peek behind her. “Where’s Punz?” 

Honeymaren then rushed out to our dining room to pull out a chair for me. Unnecessary, but it was chivalrous. “She’ll catch up, said she needed to do something last minute and it couldn’t wait.” Then Honeymaren jogged around to sit across my spot, which technically was mine. But I kept mum because she probably wasn’t familiar with our seating arrangements yet. “We can go ahead!” 

Seriously, this girl must be the human version of the big smile emoji. I would usually think it was annoying because people who smile like this were usually annoying. 

But I couldn’t really put a finger as to why it wasn’t that strong when it came to her. Sometimes I found myself wanting to have a reason to be pissed or to dismiss her. Maybe it was her aura. She sometimes resembled a golden retriever with the way she acted towards Rapunzel and towards me. 

Maybe that was why Rapunzel liked her so much. Because I had to admit, I could see why she was charming. There was always a twinkle in her eyes, or the way she just looked absolutely innocent. Like the world hasn’t broken her yet. Then again, she was still young. 

Rapunzel told me she was a year younger than me, she had a younger brother, no parents and lived with her grandmother. But it didn't make sense why Honeymaren gave off a naive vibe, since she was an older sibling. It could be her personality. Time could only tell when she would be hit with reality, and she wouldn’t smile like this anymore.

“Elsa?” 

I blinked. Not realizing she was asking me something. “Yes, sorry?” 

She giggled then shook her head. “I asked if you liked what I made.” 

I blinked again and looked down at the creamy-like substance that was covering the slices of fish and reindeer on my plate. I was absentmindedly eating it. But it had fish, which I always liked. For good measures, I took a bite. 

My eyes went wide. There was a burst of different flavors having a party in my mouth. I could taste the fish, the reindeer, the herbs… the potatoes. I’m not sure. I couldn’t describe it. It was my first-time trying any traditional Northuldran meal and I didn’t know what the standard should be. But I definitely liked how she made it. 

Honeymaren giggled again, leaning her head on her palm. No elbows on the table, child. Was what I wanted to say but I just chewed my food and raised a brow, wondering what she wanted to say. 

“I guess you do like it?” She asked, still smiling at me. 

I covered my mouth before I swallowed, the sauce must had gone over my lips. So, I grabbed a napkin and wiped my mouth. After swallowing, I nodded. “Yeah, this is really good.” 

Honeymaren smiled wider, if it weren’t for the color of our lightbulbs, I honestly thought she was blushing. 

“Good,” she said softly. For some reason she wasn’t eating anymore. She just kept staring at me, I tried not to think too much about it, but her gaze was starting to feel heavy. Should I tell her to stop? Should I ask her why she was staring? 

For some reason I couldn’t get any words out of my mouth. I was just stuffing my face with her perfectly cooked fish and reindeer. 

I wonder what time Rapunzel was catching up. This was getting weird. 

//

July 27

“Elsa, this is for table six—“ Kristoff told me before handing me another plate, which I swiftly placed on the tray. “And this one. Make sure the lady gets her ketchup, she’s kinda addicted to it.” 

I giggled. Of course. “You got it.” 

Before I lifted the tray I grabbed the ketchup bottle and carefully spread a generous amount on an extra saucer. 

Table six was a regular customer. She would order absolutely anything with ketchup on it, it was cute and slightly odd because ketchup usually didn’t go with everything. But she was a regular and tips well, so I didn’t complain. Plus she was soft spoken and kind to us servers. I would always do the extra mile for her. 

“Here you go,” I said softly as I gently placed the plate of spaghetti on the customer’s side of the table. I glanced up at the woman across from her, she had messy orange hair and a cute button nose. Must be a friend. “And here’s yours.” I bowed. “Enjoy your meal.” 

The woman smiled at me, said a small thank you and then excitedly looked at their meals. “Love, they gave you extra ketchup!” 

Oh okay, they weren’t friends. And she had a strong accent.

Well, they were cute and as long as they were enjoying the meal then that was fine by me. 

With a small shrug, I walked back towards the kitchen to see if there was more to serve. The restaurant wasn’t packed, but I was only able to cater to one side and not the ones near the exits. 

“Excuse me!” A voice called and I immediately stopped to turn to them. 

From across the restaurant, I could see a hand being raised and carefully rushed towards them. Right when I turned the corner, I almost stopped when I realized who it was. She probably felt the same with the way her expression was changing to a big smile. 

Why was she here? 

In my usual facade, I walked closer and smiled at Honeymaren. “Hi, is there anything you need?” 

I was trying to keep it in my usual tone when I talked to customers, I didn't want to break professionalism just because I knew her. 

“Hi, Elsa,” she whispered excitedly. But the old woman sitting next to her looked confused. “I was wondering if we could see the dessert menu.” 

“Sure, I’ll go grab them for you,” I said, not faltering my smile, then I glanced at her company. An older woman with a younger man. I assumed she was with her family, but I could always just ask when I wasn’t at work. Or I wouldn’t ask at all. Was I even interested? 

I shook my head and quickly walked over to one of the booths at the side. I grabbed three of the small menus and went back to Honeymaren's table. 

Honeymaren smiled widely again after she took the menu from me, already asking questions about the selections. 

It was so weird. How this girl loved to smile like this. Like why was she so happy? Her personality really was similar to a golden retriever. Like how every time I looked at her, when she looked at me, whenever we talked, she was just so… cheerful. 

Were my friends like this when they see me? I mean Aurora and Ariel were usually all smiles and good vibes too. I knew Mulan wasn't like that at all. She would tell dad jokes with me, but it usually took a while for the dumbass to crack a smile. 

Rapunzel and my sister Anna were definitely all smiles too. But… not like this. I couldn't explain it. There was something about Honeymaren that just made things weird. I really didn’t understand. 

//

August 4

“Hey.” I heard Jasmine call to me from the side. I was fixing the napkins when she nudged me. I glanced at her. 

“What?” 

Jasmine leaned closer and rested her elbow on the counter. “We’re going for drinks. Wanna join us?” 

I raised my brow. “Like right now?” 

She nodded, her dimple sunk into her cheek as she smiled at me. “Yeah, it’ll be close by, and the manager won’t be there,” she said in a whisper. “So, we can talk shit about him.” 

I giggled. Of course, the team needed to find a way to take off steam and alcohol was always a good solution. So, I nodded back, “Sure. I need to unwind as well,” I said after a long sigh.

Jasmine patted my back, “Perfect!” Then she playfully looked at me. “Hans is going too, by the way. I heard he has a huge crush on you.” 

What? 

I didn’t know how to react to that. Out of instinct, I glanced at the serving hatch and caught a glimpse of the guy in question. Granted that he was over six foot tall and the only thing I could identify was his sous chef uniform. And he was the only sous chef in the team. 

Him having a crush on me? That was… odd. I thought he already liked someone else? Maybe Jasmine was just messing with me. 

I scoffed playfully, still holding a smile so I was polite. “I highly doubt that. I thought he was dating someone already?”

Jasmine looked at me like I was crazy. “You didn’t notice?” Before she continued she sighed and then patted my shoulder this time. “You’ll find out later then.”

Okay? 

I didn't really want to think about it so I shrugged it off for now. 

There wasn’t anything about Hans that showed that he liked me. I mean, he’s very nice and charming, I admit. But wasn’t he like that to the others too? I’ve already learned my lesson on assuming things about other people. 

The last time that happened was high school. Aurora and Ariel were telling me about this boy from the other class who had a crush on me too and that he was going to talk to me after class to ask me to be his girlfriend. 

Quite frankly, I never really liked that boy. I know he was nice, but I couldn’t think of him in a romantic sense. Plus, when I was in high school, I wanted to finish my studies before actually getting into a relationship. 

On the day that he called me after class, I immediately rejected him. Said I wasn’t interested. In return I got a very dumbfounded expression as an answer, he immediately explained that the reason why he wanted to talk to me was because he liked Mulan, and I was the closest to her. 

But even with that I told him that he had no chance with her. I didn’t tell him that it was because Mulan was the biggest lesbian I knew since childhood, that would have caused a problem. Instead, he cried in front of me. Said he was mad for her, and I wasn’t really helping. 

God, things like this were just not for me. I could never tell what people want or were feeling. I just end up being the jerk and hurt them without even knowing. 

So, if my workmates were gonna push the idea that Hans liked me, then I refuse to believe a single thing from them until someone actually showed me proof… or if Hans told me himself. 

Which was unlikely. I honestly don’t think he liked me that way. And I kinda don’t get why I was so adamant about it. 

Why was he looking at me?

Why did he insist on sitting right next to me when he could sit right next to Kristoff or Oaken? He was closer to them than me. Was this what Jasmine has been telling me?

No, it couldn’t be. 

God, I think I drank too much. 

“Hey, get another round for Elsa! Her glass is empty!” One of the waiters I worked with said, I couldn't really recall his name at the moment, but he was really nice. Just not nice enough for me to remember him in full detail.

I waved my hands lazily, feeling myself slur my words when I replied to him. “N-no, I’m good. I… I have to walk home.”

Suddenly Hans leaned a little closer to me and covered my glass with his hand, but not touching the rim. “Yeah, maybe she should stop drinking.” His comment made everyone coo and howl teasingly. Then he looked at me, a soft smile on his face. 

Cute. 

“I can bring you home if you can’t handle it.” He said, though it felt like a question, maybe he wanted me to say yes. But I couldn’t give him an answer. I didn’t know how I felt about it. 

I shook my head, which was a mistake because I felt like that was just mixing the alcohol properly in my system. But I was confident enough to believe that I was still sober enough to think for myself. 

“I’m fine. Thank you, Hans.” I think he wanted to say more and convince me to say yes, but instead, I stood up from my seat and pointed in the direction of the bathroom. “Excuse me.” 

If I was going to do this alone, I gotta find a way to sober up faster. So, meaning, pee it out, splash my face with water and pretend I was pooping so I could take more time here.

I tend to forget that my workmates drank like there was no tomorrow. It was one reason why I usually declined. But Jasmine was having fun and I liked her, so I didn’t mind stepping out of my comfort zone every once in a while. 

I sighed. I looked like a mess. I didn’t get why anyone would think I was attractive. My parents said I was the ugliest in the family. I didn’t blame them. Maybe I really was. 

My friends and Rapunzel would say I was gorgeous, but I didn’t really believe them. My parents probably said that to joke around but it didn’t feel like one either.

Was it my eyes? Or how strange my nose looked? Was it because I never had an interest in styling my hair differently? 

God, I was definitely tipsy and I really wished it could subside soon. I wanted to go home. 

Maybe I could ask Rapunzel to help bail me out. 

“Elsa?” 

I froze. That voice…

“Els, are you okay?”

I didn’t want to turn around and confirm who the person was. Even though I knew who it was. Why was she here? Why does she always find me?

With a deep breath, I turned around, but I think I did it too quickly because I stumbled on my feet. But next thing I knew, I felt hands holding my arms and there were these big, brown eyes staring down at me. 

“Elsa, you’re drunk aren’t you?” Honeymaren asked me, concern laced in her voice. I winced. She didn’t have to be concerned about me. But why couldn’t I stand properly?

I didn't want to be too close to her, but I also didn't want to be rude. My head was spinning, and I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the smell of her perfume. 

The smell of cedar wood mixed with nature, it was delicate and powdery— oh god, I might throw up. It was so strong but I couldn’t seem to hate it. 

Before I knew it, I was on the floor, Honeymaren looked horrified and tried to pick me up. Maybe I was drunk, and I kept denying it because I really didn't want to go home with someone. But why wouldn’t Honeymaren leave me alone? 

“I’m fine,” I tried to say, making sure to say it properly. But Honeymaren shook her head and lifted me from the floor. 

“No, you’re not. Are you with anyone? Can I bring you home?” She asked in a rush, her arms circling my waist and I felt like I wanted to swat it away but I was too dizzy to do so. 

I shook my head. “I’m with my workmates. But I’ll be fine, I just need to sober up so I can go home.”

Honeymaren refused to let me go and she held me tighter. “I’ll bring you home. You smell like cider.”

“Maren, it’s fine—”

Again, she refused and walked me out of the bathroom. And suddenly, Jasmine and Hans were standing outside the bathroom. Were they waiting for me?

Jasmine rushed towards us, worry painted her expression. “Elsa! Are you okay?”

“I can bring her home,” Hans then said, about to grab me, but Honeymaren immediately pulled me away from his reach and she let out a hand. 

“It’s alright. I can bring her home. I know where she lives,” she said decisively. I really, really wanted to argue, but the fact that she knew where the apartment was made things so much easier for me. 

I gave a sheepish smile and a small wave. “Sorry—” a hiccup came out of nowhere. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow?” 

They didn’t argue anymore and decided to let me leave with Honeymaren. I was too weak and too dizzy to do anything. I just allowed Honeymaren and her woodsy scent to whisk me away. Next thing I knew I was lying down on a car seat, closed my eyes and just listened to Honeymaren turn on her car, lower the volume of her radio and then she drove away. 

I was sure she was asking me things, I wasn’t sure if I answered her properly, I just allowed my head to rest for a bit, not bothering to open them. Silence then filled the car and I just listened to her hum along with the songs that were playing. 

Maybe I should be thankful that it was her that was bringing me home. I just didn’t understand the feeling I had whenever I’m around her. Sure, she was a nice person to be with. I didn’t hate her. I just wanted to know what I am to her. 

Where was Rapunzel in all of this? Shouldn’t she be drinking with her girlfriend if that was the case? Did she leave Rapunzel alone in the bar? That would be inappropriate if she did.

I hoped she didn’t do that. I wouldn’t forgive Honeymaren if that was the case, she shouldn’t be treating Rapunzel like a second option. Rapunzel was a sweet bean and she already got a lot of shit from a lot of people during college.

People had a lot of things to say about her and I think that was just downright unfair. They didn’t know Rapunzel like I do. She may be younger than me, but we were close enough to consider each other sisters. She was an amazing person to be around. People were stupid. 

“Okay, Elsa. I’ll be bringing you up to your room.” Honeymaren was looking down at me again and for some reason, my arms just reached out and circled around her neck. 

Honeymaren was warm. She probably had a lot to drink but maybe she had a better tolerance than me because she seemed stable enough to bring me out of her car and into my apartment building. 

For a slender woman, she was warm and strong. Maybe it was the sports that Rapunzel had mentioned. Body strength or something like that. I didn’t know how she was able to walk while I was hugging her like this, shamelessly.

I opened my eyes, and I could see myself in the mirror of the elevator. My face was pale, my vision was starting to spin. I looked at the back of Honeymaren's head. She had nice hair. I ran my hand over it; it was soft, long and very brown. It had been a while since I saw dark hair. Or someone with naturally brown hair like this. Rapunzel kept hers short and Anna had bright orange hair. So seeing this was new.

They were soft. They kept falling off of my fingers. I couldn’t stop doing it. Over and over and over again. 

I felt weird. 

Her scent was everywhere. I could feel her everywhere. But I kept telling myself that it didn’t feel comfortable. Like, I didn’t get it. Why was she always there? Why was I always seeing or feeling her? Why was she living in my mind rent-free? 

It was wrong and I knew. I was not attracted to women, and I knew it was not right to feel this way towards a friend’s girlfriend. 

But why was her face so close? Why was she looking at me like this? Why were her cheeks so soft? Why were her lips so glossy? 

“Elsa, I’ll get you water okay?” I could finally understand what she was saying. I didn’t respond, I just nodded my head, lowered my hands and her face suddenly disappeared. 

I closed my eyes for a bit. My head felt like it was in a blender. I couldn’t really think straight. It was starting to get annoying that I couldn’t stop thinking about Honeymaren. 

Why was she like this? Why was I like this when it came to her? 

Stop doing this to me, Honeymaren. Please. 

I felt weird. 

//

August 10

“Are you cold?” Honeymaren asked me and I immediately shook my head. 

“I’m okay,” I said in a soft voice. I was actually freezing but I didn’t want to say anything. I honestly wished I was at home in my room instead. 

Rapunzel thought it would be a good idea for us to go stargazing on our rooftop. She was reading news articles on the internet again and immediately saw the one that said there was a shooting star that was going to appear at around eleven in the evening. Honeymaren was all in for the idea, and I was honestly dragged into this. 

But Rapunzel was fond of stuff like this. People think it was weird for a girl like her to be a huge nerd for stars and constellations. Well, I think that was a bunch of baloney and that they should mind their own business. 

The only reason why I was here because Rapunzel wanted company and I knew she would want to be excited with her people. I was just glad Honeymaren was here too. Surely, this was a moment she would want to share with her lover. Or whatever they were. 

Rapunzel still hasn’t told me what they were. But I’ll just keep waiting until she was open enough to say something. 

I checked my watch, and it was almost eleven. Rapunzel had been staring into her binoculars for a while, which was funny because Honeymaren made the effort of borrowing the telescope from the school, but Rapunzel still wanted to use the binoculars. 

Sometimes she switched and we just let her. Honeymaren and I silently agreed that Rapunzel should have free range over the equipment tonight. 

But because my friend was busy trying to look at the stars, I was left next to Honeymaren, in her company, with the many weird thoughts I had of her. 

Didn't help that she smelled great tonight. It was the same perfume she wore the night she helped me go home after getting drunk. 

“Have you done this before?” she asked, hugging her legs closer to her chest. 

I did the same, shaking my head sideways again. “No, this is my first time.” 

Honeymaren then giggled. “You must have a soft spot for Punzy, don’t you?” she asked teasingly. 

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, but a smile tugged through my lips. “So, what if I do?” Then I sighed. “It’s… nice to see her like this. It’s when she’s really enjoying herself.” 

“Yeah,” Honeymaren agreed almost immediately, she then looked at Rapunzel who was still staring up at the sky. 

Rapunzel then removed her binoculars and shuffled on the blankets to where the telescope was and peeped through. Then she pointed up. “It’ll be here any moment guys!” 

Honeymaren and I giggled at the same time. Rapunzel was cute. And I meant what I said. I loved Rapunzel like this. 

Suddenly Honeymaren grabbed one of the throw pillows and placed it behind me, then she pointed at it. “Lie down.” 

I raised my brow. “Why?” 

Honeymaren suddenly pouted, like a puppy. It was weird… but it was cute. “Please?” 

“Fine.” She should be lucky she was cute. I adjusted myself on the blanket and laid back slowly, looking up at the sky. Because the only source of light surrounding us were weak ones, it was easy to fixate on the stars in the sky. They were numerous, faint sparkles, just like the people on earth, there were so many stars in the sky that you couldn't really count them anymore. 

My body felt a bit stiff when Honeymaren scooted a bit forward and laid down next to me. 

This was the first time I had ever been this close to her… sober. 

Then again, even when I was drunk as hell, I couldn’t control my thoughts. How much more that I am nowhere close to being inebriated. 

Honeymaren suddenly pointed upwards, like she wanted to show me something. “That’s Orion’s Belt. See those three stars next to each other in a somewhat straight line?” 

I squinted my eyes because when she said three stars, all I could see were the clumped-up ones. But after focusing on that one spot she was pointing at, I assumed what I was looking at was it. 

“That’s the only constellation I know,” Honeymaren said softly, then a small laugh followed. “That and Little Dipper but I can’t seem to find it even if I’m lying down.”

“What does it look like?” 

Honeymaren stayed quiet for a moment, eyes staring up at the stars. Then suddenly she did a scooping movement, fumbling on her words and intensified the scooping movements. 

“Y-you know…” she scooped again. “That thing you use to get water from a pail… when the shower wasn’t working.” 

I stared at her for a good moment, it was obvious that Honeymaren was averting her eyes from me. Like she was embarrassed by the way she described what a dipper looked like. 

I swallowed my lips and felt my shoulders shake. Before I knew it… I was laughing. My vision disappeared, I was ticklish all over and I had my hand over my mouth because I really couldn’t stop laughing. 

Honeymaren looked at me as if I offended her, but she had a smile forming on her face as she looked at me. She whined; said I was making fun of her. But I was laughing so much, Rapunzel scolded us at one point, and I tried my best to stop. 

Okay, maybe she wasn’t that bad. I actually like talking to her. Her smile doesn’t annoy me anymore. 

I just still didn't like the feeling I had when I was with her. 

It was weird… but I guess it was okay. 

//

August 16

Honeymaren was over again. She brought her laptop and connected it to our tv because she wanted to show us a movie. 

She sat in between me and Rapunzel. It was a noir film, I had no idea what was happening, but the cinematography and the dialogue was amazing, I couldn’t stop watching. 

I took a glance over and saw that Rapunzel fell asleep, but Honeymaren was still intently watching. I wasn't surprised, she did suggest this movie. 

“Elsa, this part right here is interesting,” she said in a whisper, even scooted closer to me. 

For the first time, I didn’t mind. 

I kinda liked Honeymaren being this close. 

//

August 18

Honeymaren was over again. There was no particular reason, she just wanted to have dinner with us. 

I didn’t mind. She made me laugh, I tried to as well and it always worked. 

Rapunzel cooked tonight, so Honeymaren and I were in charge of fixing the table. She would playfully bump me while we’re standing next to each other, but because of her lean physique, fighting back was no contest. But she laughed it off, tickled my sides and I wanted to chase her, but I didn’t want to be weird with my roommate’s girlfriend. 

At least Rapunzel didn’t mind, she was smiling and said we looked cute. At least she didn’t get mad. Maybe she was just saying all of that so she could butter Honeymaren up to me. 

I really wanted to know when she was going to tell me they were dating. 

But it was fine. Honeymaren was a good person. I always knew she was. And she made Rapunzel smile, she made Rapunzel laugh, I think that was enough. 

She still made me feel weird. 

//

August 19

Honeymaren asked me if I could go with her to the mall. 

I agreed. 

It was a lovely time, she probably wanted to buy something for Rapunzel. How thoughtful of her. 

She pointed out a lot of things that she liked. Telling me stories about absolutely anything that she could think of. And I liked listening to her. She was such a wonderful person to talk to. 

It was like she was an adventurer who traveled across the globe, the ones that claim they had seen everything. Honeymaren didn’t see everything, but each story she told me about her grandmother or about her overseas studies, it felt like she did. 

I bought her ice cream, since she insisted on buying us lunch because that was her payment for my company. 

Silly girl, she didn’t need to pay me anything for that. She just needed to ask, and I would have said yes anyway. I mean, I liked her enough to be around her.

She didn't make me feel weird anymore. Or I forced myself not to because I didn't think it was possible… or correct. 

But being her friend wasn’t wrong. I could see why Rapunzel liked her. 

She was amazing. 

Weird, but amazing. 

//

August 20

I wanted to ask Honeymaren if she wanted to watch a movie with me. She was over again, and we just had dinner. 

I thought that maybe she would like the movie since she liked talking about them. But when I went outside to ask, she was busy hanging out with Rapunzel. 

Before she saw me, I just rushed back to my room. 

Right. Honeymaren was Rapunzel's friend, not mine. And there was no reason for me to be upset because Honeymaren's main purpose of coming over was for Rapunzel. Not me. 

I just wished there was a cure—or maybe more of an explanation—to why I felt disappointed. 

I shouldn’t be. 

I should just… watch the movie by myself. 

//

August 25

“Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?” 

I blinked at the question. 

I should say no. I didn't want to. But there was that look on his face that I couldn't seem to deny. He wasn’t a bad person at all. But it just felt weird that everything Jasmine said about him liking me was pointing towards it being true. 

And that was scaring me. 

But did I have a solid reason to say no? 

Could I say that I just didn't want to? But that would be rude and Hans was such a nice guy. 

I bit back a sigh, smiled at him and answered honestly. 

“Can I think about it first?”

//

August 27

“Do you remember the sous chef from the restaurant?” 

I couldn't believe I was actually admitting this to someone. I was even surprised by this fact. 

Rapunzel gave me a puzzled look, but still nodded, slowly chewing her food. “I recall. What’s his name again?” 

I gulped down the rest of my soda and swallowed in a burp. I cleared my throat. “Hans.” 

Rapunzel nodded; Honeymaren kept quiet. 

“He asked me out on a date.” 

Then Rapunzel's eyes went wide, as expected. She anticipated my answer. 

“I said yes.” 

I still didn't know why. But he was so nice about it when I said I would think about it and he didn’t pressure me, which I really appreciated. I still felt unsure about it. I didn't think it was going to go anywhere, but I would love to try it out. 

You never knew until you tried, right? 

Rapunzel kept squealing, she pulled my arm gently, gushing and wanting to know more about Hans and how he asked, when the date was, what was I expecting. 

And as usual, because I was used to Rapunzel's energy, I answered all her questions. 

But the entire time, I was wondering why Honeymaren kept quiet. She was just as noisy as her girlfriend, but why wasn’t she saying anything? 

It was weird. Her being quiet was weird. 

I didn’t like it. 

//

September 30

Not that I was taking note. But I noticed that Honeymaren hadn’t been hanging around the apartment anymore. 

Usually on Friday and Saturday nights, Rapunzel and Honeymaren would already be hanging around the living room when I get home from work. 

There would be mornings where I would see Honeymaren in a baggy shirt, making breakfast or coffee for Rapunzel. 

Sometimes she would come by unexpectedly to have dinner and we should hang out when Rapunzel would sleep early, and we would talk until midnight. 

But lately, I saw less and less of Honeymaren. 

I didn't have her number so I couldn't ask her myself, and asking Rapunzel would be weird. She might wonder why I was looking for Honeymaren and I didn't want to sound suspicious. 

I wonder what was going on. 

//

October 6

I was cleaning the apartment, it was Sunday, which was my day off and I really wanted to spend it by doing something productive. 

Hans asked me out again, but I told him that I needed to finish my errands first, maybe take a proper shower once I was done cleaning then I would be okay to meet him. 

I didn't really know what was going on between us. I had this inkling feeling that he believed that we were dating or I was his girlfriend. But I really hope he didn't. He should ask me first before assuming. 

I knew I wouldn’t want to make an assumption anyway. 

Why wasn't this speck going away? I wiped the tiled counter even faster. It still wasn’t going away. 

“Els?” 

I looked up and I saw the front door opening. “Yeah? I’m in the kitchen.” 

Rapunzel pushed through and she dragged someone along. For a moment I was hoping it would be Honeymaren. I haven’t seen her in a while. But it wasn’t. The person was taller than her, short brown hair, and wasn't even a woman. It was a guy. 

He wasn’t Honeymaren. 

Why did I feel disappointed? Why was he holding hands with Rapunzel? 

Did they break up?

Was that why Honeymaren wasn’t going here anymore?

“Els, I wanted to introduce you to Eugene…” Rapunzel hesitated, but she bit her bottom lip and smiled. “My boyfriend.” 

“Boyfriend?” 

Rapunzel's expression suddenly shifted when I repeated what she said. She let go of the girl’s hand and ran to me, gripping mine. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just… I just wanted to be sure first before I did. I’m sorry.” 

I furrowed my brows, completely confused at what she was trying to tell me. 

“What about Honeymaren? I thought she was your girlfriend?” 

She blinked. Maybe too many times, then she finally reacted. “Honeymaren? No, we’re best friends. Did you think she was my girlfriend all this time?” 

Yes. 

Then she paused, her shoulders suddenly dropped. “She’s been making a lot of excuses to not hang out. I don’t know what happened.” 

It took a moment for me to process things, and as much as I wanted to give a good impression to Rapunzel's actual partner, I had to ask. “What happened?”

Rapunzel shrugged again. “Like I said, I don’t know, Els. She just kept giving excuses that she was busy, and I didn’t bother her anymore. She doesn’t text me either. I don’t know what I did wrong.” 

“I heard she did get busy because of the club?” Eugene suddenly added, it was kind of odd to hear a man's voice in our apartment. Rapunzel usually brought women over. 

I finally snapped myself out of it and offered a hand to Eugene. “I apologize for being rude, I’m Elsa, Rapunzel’s roommate.” 

“And best friend!” She happily added, I couldn’t help but smile at that. She was frowning when we were talking about Honeymare, but at least this was cheering her up. 

We could talk about Honeymaren another time.

//

November 3

I liked Eugene. I liked him for Rapunzel. 

And it made sense because the way Honeymaren was towards Rapunzel was different from how Eugene was with her. It was even more intimate, more kisses, more touching, and definitely more verbal affirmations that this dude was dating my roommate. 

But he was a good person, he was very nice too and talked about his siblings a lot. Talked about Rapunzel a lot as well. At least I could relax knowing that Rapunzel was in good hands. 

She always was. I trusted Eugene, I definitely trusted Honeymaren too. 

Right… Honeymaren. 

That was another thing that had been bothering me. 

Rapunzel told me that Honeymaren had been declining invites to go to our apartment. They still hung out at school or at a cafe or even at the mall. It was as if nothing happened. 

But when Rapunzel would invite her to the apartment, she would make up an excuse and said she couldn't go. Rapunzel was wondering if there was something wrong with the apartment and Honeymaren assured her that there was none. 

I was hoping that wouldn’t concern me. But I was worried about Rapunzel, she seemed very down about it. And she told me that they didn’t have a fight nor an argument. It was as if Honeymaren woke up and decided to just change their dynamic and Rapunzel had been silently keeping her feelings about it because she didn’t want to make it real if she voiced it out. 

I get that. I just wished that Honeymaren was honest about what was going on than keeping Rapunzel wondering. But then again, I didn't know Honeymaren as much and I wanted to learn more about her. The times we spent together were nice and I honestly wished that we could hang out again and talk about her life, or just watch movies together. 

I just wished she treated Rapunzel better.

//

November 15

“Do you want to try this?” Hans asked me, pointing out a bagel that was on display. We were at a cafe, he said he wanted to try it out and asked if I could go with him. I said yes because Rapunzel was out with Eugene and I already cleaned the crap out of our apartment, so I guess spending my time with him was alright.

I nodded, “Sure, I do like bagels.”

He smiled. “I’m glad I get to know more about you, Elsa.”

Okay? But why?

That was a silly question to ask, but I couldn't help it.

I just hummed instead, not entirely sure how to respond. Hans didn’t seem to have noticed it, which was starting to annoy me. But I shrugged it off. 

I knew he was just trying to be a nice guy and I had no reason to be such a bitch to him. But I couldn't describe it. It was like everything he did annoyed me, and I really wanted to see if I liked him or not. 

Like romantically like him. 

I looked at him, and I wanted to feel something but it wasn't there. He would say something nice and then it would make me feel pretty, or make me feel taken care of, and I appreciated it, wholeheartedly. But I couldn't feel it. 

The feeling where I knew I was starting to fall for him. Because I was not a heartless monster, I had been in love before. I had felt giddy by the words and actions from the boys in school too. 

And I'm an adult, I always wanted something more mature. It was also nice to know someone was more upfront about their feelings. And I was very much aware that Hans liked me. 

I wanted to like him back. But why couldn't I? 

“Maren, what about this?” 

The sound of her name made me look up quickly, and to no surprise, there she was. 

And she was with a woman. 

“Do you think we should get this for snacks later?” The woman asked Honeymaren, who was pointing at the same display Hans, and I were looking at earlier and she was clinging onto Honeymaren's arm. 

Were they dating? 

I mean, it would make sense cause they were standing so close together. 

Was this the reason why Honeymaren hadn’t been coming over? 

Why did it matter? Honeymaren could do what she wanted. 

Why was she looking at me? 

I had to look away, I didn't know what I do if Honeymaren came over and said hi to me. Should I initiate something and say hi first?

But again, to my surprise, Honeymaren looked away and… ignored me. Was she ignoring me?

The moment I saw Honeymaren turn her head and face us, I wanted to do something, and without thinking, I grabbed Hans' hand and smiled at him. 

“Wanna go somewhere else?” I asked, trying my best not to look at Honeymaren, who I believed was looking at us. 

I noticed the blush on his cheeks, and he smiled widely at me. “Sure, where do we go?”

“Maybe somewhere else. I feel like eating something savory rather than something sweet,” I said. I couldn’t help but glance at Honeymaren from behind Hans and she still wasn’t looking at me. 

I wanted to say hi or at least go up to her and talk to her. But my feet were planted on the ground. 

Next thing I knew, Hans gently grabbed my hand again and led me outside of the cafe, telling me he knew a nice place we could eat, and I nodded, following him after.

Why couldn’t I say something?

Why did I feel weird?

Why wasn’t Honeymaren looking at me?

//

November 24

I decided to end things with Hans. 

I felt bad. There really weren’t any feelings that would let me date him and if I just kept going, it would be unfair to him. He decided to resign, I wasn’t sure why and I hoped that it wasn’t because I rejected him. But he told Kristoff that he wanted to go back to his old restaurant since they were offering him something better. 

My brother-in-law was disappointed, but it wasn’t like Kristoff to just force him to stay. 

Jasmine and the other waitresses were saying that it was definitely because I rejected him. But I tried my best to ignore them because then I would feel even worse than I already was. He was doing so well with us, and he was an excellent chef. 

I just hope that wherever he would go in the future, he could find his happiness then. I just knew I couldn't give him anything. 

It was already closing time, I was grabbing my things from my locker and once I was ready to go home, I said goodbye to Jasmine, and the others and I left the restaurant. 

I checked my watch, and it was almost midnight. 

There was a party at the restaurant, and it ended just thirty minutes ago. I couldn't really complain because the celebrant was the son of a mogul from the city and he was kind towards us, and a regular, so Kristoff allowed him to stay with his friends a little longer.

I knew I was going to crash when I reach home. I missed my bed. I kinda missed Rapunzel too, but I didn't blame her, she was having the time of her life with Eugene, and they were growing strong ever since. 

Since she was happy and well taken care of, then that meant I should be happy for her too. And I was, genuinely. 

Plus, I got the apartment all to myself tonight, so I was kind of looking forward to that. 

Though, as much as I liked having time alone, which had been a common occurrence recently, it was… lonely. Like yeah, I liked to be alone but it was never nice to feel lonely. There was always a difference and it sucked when it hit you like a freight train. 

Rapunzel had been sleeping over at Eugene's house a lot these days. I usually got texts during my shift, and it would be Rapunzel letting me know that she had leftovers in the fridge and that I shouldn’t wait for her because she was going to sleep over at Eugene's place. 

I didn’t mind at first. Because she was safe and she was in a nice relationship, so who was I to deny that? I’m not her mother, who would badger her and tell her to stay where I knew was more secure and comforting. She could do whatever she wanted. 

I also miss my sister. I should visit her soon. 

And I hated feeling so empty whenever I came back to the apartment. 

It was because whenever I’m in my head, there were just several questions flying through. 

Like why did I reject Hans? Why couldn't I find a date too? Why did I always lie to my parents that I was going to get a husband as soon as possible because Anna and Kristoff were expecting their first child soon and I had nothing to give? 

Why did I miss Honeymaren so much? 

Why was I thinking about her smile or her powdery scent? Why did I always remember back to the time we laid next to each other and looked at the stars? Why did I have this urge to grab her hand and hold it? 

Why was I thinking of her this way? 

Am I gay? I couldn’t be gay. What would my parents think of me? They already said I was ugly, that I had no career and that I would never find a husband. How much more if they find out that I was gay? 

And why was it that every time I did think about Honeymaren, I wanted to reject the feelings I had, but at the same time, I didn't? Like it was good for me. I really didn't get it. 

I wanted to stop thinking about her. I wanted to stop thinking about her this way. It wasn't right. 

Why was I crying? 

God, I'm a mess. 

//

November 26

“There’s a drunk woman outside the restaurant,” our security guard informed us as we were fixing up the restaurant. He looked at Jasmine and then to me. “She won’t leave. I’ve asked her several times.” 

“Is she trying to go inside the restaurant?” Jasmine asked. 

The guard shook his head and shrugged, then he pointed outside the window, and sure enough, there was a thin woman sitting on the side of the road. I couldn’t picture her out, but I could see that she was ducking her head between her legs. 

“She’s just there. But I don’t want to force her to move.” The guard then looked at us again, “Can one of you girls do it? Maybe if a woman coaxed her to leave, she’ll listen.” 

Jasmine shrugged and raised the dishes in her hand. “Busy. Elsa, can you do it? Ralph will be behind you in case she goes nuts.” 

Ralph nodded and they looked at me with pleading eyes. I wiped my hands on my apron and sighed. “Fine.”

I immediately walked out of the restaurant and slowly approached the woman. God she was so skinny. But… she didn’t look homeless at all. In fact, her coat looked like something from a designer brand. But the wind was cold, and she really shouldn’t be sitting here. 

“Ma’am? Are you okay?” I asked. 

It seemed my question has done something, because the woman flinched and slowly raised her head to look at—

“Elsa?” 

My eyes were wide. “Maren?” 

The stench of alcohol finally reached me. Oh god, she was drunk. 

I immediately crouched down and rubbed her back. “What are you doing here? It’s cold.” 

Honeymaren kept looking at me, she didn’t say anything, and I was worried she was completely out of it. 

“Did you bring your car?” 

She shook her head. Okay that was good. I couldn't drive and she was definitely not in the right state of mind for that. 

“Are you with anyone?” 

Honeymaren shook her head and leaned it back on her folded arms, she was still staring at me. “I left them.” 

I furrowed my brows. I started to get worried. “Why did you leave them?” 

She didn’t answer again. She moved her head and was looking at the floor, but the breeze was getting stronger, and I wasn’t wearing a coat and I really needed to go back inside. 

Maybe I should bring her to my apartment. 

“Honeymaren—“ 

She stood up suddenly and staggered a bit. Once she regained her balance, she faced me, eyes piercing through mine, and I didn't understand why she was looking at me this way. 

“Elsa, are you happy?” She suddenly asked. 

I was shocked by her question, but I immediately scoffed and shook my head. “Honeymaren, let’s get you home, you’re drunk.” 

But she didn’t move. I tried to step forward, but she took a step back. For some reason, that hurt me. Why was she doing this? 

“Are you happy with him?” 

“Him?” This was getting ridiculous, I quickly reached over and gently held her arm, tugging them now. “You’re drunk, Honeymaren. Please let me get you home.” 

She tried to move her arm away from me, like she wanted to yank it off, but she probably couldn’t because of how drunk she was. She looked at the floor again and started sniffling. 

I was shocked, why was she crying? 

“I don’t know why you’re doing this to me,” she said in between light sobs. 

“Do what? What did I do to you, Honeymaren?” I think my impatience was starting to get to me. I wished my words came out calmer, but it was so cold, and I didn't understand why she said these words and she wasn’t cooperating. 

Funny because I should be asking her the same question. 

I took a deep breath to try and calm down. Once I felt like I could speak normally, I tugged her arm again so she could look at me. “Honeymaren, I think you need to explain yourself to Rapunzel. She’s been worried about you.” 

“I can’t—“ she hiccupped and then tried to gently remove her arm from my grip, but I held tighter. “Elsa, I can’t hang out at your apartment.” 

“Why?” 

That question was for me and Rapunzel. God, I really wished I could get the answers when she was sober instead. 

“Is it because of the apartment? Is it because of how we live?” There was a question that was in my head. Something that always scared me. I wanted to ask this to Hans when he told me he was resigning from the restaurant, but I didn’t care enough to ask, even if it worried me, it just wasn’t enough to get me to say it out loud. 

But I had to. This was Honeymaren. I cared about her. 

“Is it because of me?” 

Honeymaren dropped her head again and started wiping her eyes with her free arm, she was sobbing now. 

Please don’t say yes. Please don’t say it was because of me. Please—

“Yes.” She cried some more. “It’s because of you.” 

Oh. 

So, was this what a heartbreak felt like? I didn’t know it could be caused by someone other than a lover. Honeymaren wasn’t my lover, but she meant enough to me for her words to hurt like this. 

I looked away from her, releasing her arm, hugging my own because the breeze was starting to get me now. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, feeling my eyes sting and water up. Then I looked at her. “Why couldn’t you spare Rapunzel instead? I don’t want your issues with me to get in the way with your relationship with her.” I was spitting the words out so quickly, that even Honeymaren was dumbfounded. “I can leave you guys alone; I can always leave the apartment if you want to hang out there. But you shouldn’t have hurt Rapunzel like that. She just wanted a friend and you meant so much to her.”

“Elsa, I’m sorry,” she muttered. 

I felt my brows knit tightly together, wiping away my tears in a hurry because they were starting to hurt. I really don’t understand why they did, but it hurt. So much. 

“You should go home,” I said, almost certain. 

Honeymaren didn’t move, but she looked like she didn’t want to listen. “Elsa, wait—”

I turned around and locked eyes with the guard, “Ralph, can you please call this woman a cab and make sure she gets on?”

Ralph was a bit taken aback by my request, but he nodded and immediately went to the side of the road to look for one. 

Honeymaren shook her head and stepped closer to me. “Elsa, I don’t want to go—”

“I was supposed to bring you to my apartment so you can rest and drink water,” I immediately snapped at her, the tears flowing freely down my eyes. I wiped them off again and scoffed. “But I guess that can’t happen because you don’t want to go there because of me.”

Honeymaren looked hurt by my words, but I couldn’t… stop myself. The pain I felt throughout my chest was overwhelming and I just needed her to go home. 

Before she could say anything, a cab arrived in front of the restaurant and Ralph opened the door, and he took a careful step closer to Honeymaren. “Ma’am, the cab is here.”

“Elsa, please.”

I shook my head and pointed at the cab. “Please go home, Honeymaren.”

“Els—”

“Maren, please.” I held back my sobs, and just kept pointing at the cab.

She didn’t argue anymore. She got into the cab, but before she closed the door, she looked at me, the sad look in her eyes and I immediately turned away and started walking inside the restaurant. 

I didn't know if that would be the last time I would ever see Honeymaren again. 

And I didn't know if I should tell Rapunzel what happened. I just wanted to go home already. 

//

December 1

“Are you on your way home from the groceries?” Rapunzel asked me over the phone. 

I hummed, gripping the plastic bags in my hand tighter so I could ease my mind that I do have them with me. “Yeah, I am. Are you spending the night with Eugene again?”

“Yeah, movie night too!” Rapunzel said happily, I tried to smile because she sounded so excited but there was something stinging in my chest that my smile couldn’t last longer than a second. 

Good thing she wasn’t here to see it. I didn't want her to ask questions. 

“Alright then, you two enjoy.” 

“We will, good night, Els! Love you!”

I smiled again, at least that made me feel better. “Love you too.”

With that, I ended the call and hurriedly kept my phone in my pocket, balancing the groceries with both my hands now. 

It had been five days since that confrontation with Honeymaren. 

Not that I was counting—okay, maybe I was. But who was asking? I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I hadn’t seen her since, nor did I tell Rapunzel about it. Maybe I would when the feelings were too much, and I couldn't control it. 

But that never went well, now did it? 

I should really stop bottling everything up. As much as I wanted to get answers from Honeymaren—and I did, but it wasn’t to my relief. I just couldn’t control myself when she told me the reason why she refused to hang out at the apartment again was because of me.

Of course, I wanted some answers. A real reason why it was my fault, or a situation where Honeymaren was sober enough to tell me the truth. But I know that most drunk people express their honesty when they’re inebriated. It’s not as eloquent, but it was honest.

Honeymaren was honest enough to tell me why and every time I replayed the memory in my head, it still hurt. 

Because why was I the reason? What did I do wrong? What could I have possibly done to her that made her not want to go to our apartment?

I leaned my head on the elevator wall and closed my eyes for a bit. There was a lot going through my head. A part of me knew that what I felt towards Honeymaren wasn’t just… anything anymore. It was something. Something that scared me. Something that I could only feel towards her and not to Hans. 

Was I… in love with her?

Was I in love with Honeymaren?

I didn't know. I didn't want to know, if I was being honest. But I was worried that if I saw her again, my emotions were going to go haywire, and it would be too late for me to take it all back. 

Was I willing to take a risk if the opportunity presents itself?

Then again, I wouldn’t know. Honeymaren probably hated me for forcing her to go home and talking to her like that. Maybe it was better off that way. If Honeymaren chose to leave my life for good, then I could let all of my messy feelings subside and I could move on from her completely.

I had been thinking about her too much for my own good. 

But no one will know. Not even Rapunzel. I believe I wasn't brave enough to tell her that I fell in love with her friend. 

My eyes shot open when the thought hit me. 

God, I really didn't want to be in love with her. But how? I'm straight. I couldn't possibly be attracted to her.

I hated this. I hated that I couldn't think of anything but her. 

I hated her smile, her long, brown hair. I hated how she laughed, or how she called me Els. I hated that she smelled good or that she made me smile and laugh so effortlessly. I hated how I would catch myself desperately wanting to see her again or be with her or watch stupid movies with her. 

I hated how I was the reason why she didn't want to be at the apartment again and I didn't have a clue why she didn't want to. 

What did I do wrong?

Honeymaren, please tell me what I did wrong—

The moment the elevator doors opened, I stopped in my tracks when I saw someone sitting on the floor, right next to my apartment door. 

I stepped closer and the person on the floor looked up. 

Fuck.

“Elsa?”

I was frozen, like my legs stopped functioning and I didn't know if I wanted to move forward or not. 

Why was Honeymaren here?

She stood up from her spot and stood there, waiting for me to come forward. And I did. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked, placing the plastic bags on the floor because my arms were getting weak from holding it for so long. 

Honeymaren looked away but she took a deep breath. “I want to say I’m sorry,” she said, almost like a whisper. “About that night. About showing up drunk and saying things I know that hurt you.”

I didn’t know how to respond, but looking at her again sent a wave of relief through my body. She was so thin though. Was she not eating? Was she not thinking about herself?

“I need to say this before I start regretting it for the rest of my life,” she suddenly said, her brown eyes now looking at me. My heart was beating fast, and I wanted it to stop. “But I want you to know that I’m a hundred percent sober and in the right mind. So, you know that what I’m about to say is the truth.”

I nodded, waiting for her to continue.

She took another breath. “I wanted to tell you the reason why I don’t come back here and yes, it’s because of you. And no, you didn’t do anything bad. It’s quite the opposite, really.” She kept eye contact now, wanting to move closer but I could tell she was hesitating. 

“I’m in love with you.”

I blinked. 

“What?”

She scoffed, rubbing the back of her neck with her hand. “Yeah, for a while now, actually.” She laughed suddenly. “It sucked because Punz told me you thought that we were dating but were just best friends. One of the biggest reasons why I came to your apartment was because I wanted to grab every chance I could get just to see you. Or be with you.”

“And I had hopes because we were getting close. I really thought you didn’t like me, but I tried everything I could just so you could see me in a different light.” She looked at me again, a sad smile on her face. “I wanted you to like me.”

Then Hans happened.

“But then you mentioned that guy that asked you out.”

Of course. 

“It made me believe that you and I can’t happen, and I desperately wanted to turn back time so you wouldn’t see him, and I would shoot my shot and see if I can get you to… like me.” Then she waved her hands frantically. “I know I must be crazy and you’re probably happy with him now.” She bit her lip and looked away. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to tell you before I leave you alone for good.”

The silence between us was killing me and I wished I could say something. But I think I was more baffled at the fact that she was… in love with me. All this time? How long?

“Anyway, that’s all I have to say, Elsa,” she said in a rush and then she pointed towards the elevator. “I’m sorry I took your time—”

I stopped her, grabbing her arm. I didn't know what was going through my mind, but I believed my heart was finally doing the thinking for me this time. 

“I’m not seeing him anymore,” was all that came out of my mouth.

Honeymaren's eyes went wide, and she started stuttering. “W-what? B-but I saw you two holding hands at the cafe? And you left… and—”

Again, without thinking, I removed my hand from her arm and reached up to cup her face and pulled her closer to me. 

Our lips met.

And God, did it feel something. 

I felt something. This was probably what I was looking for and I was just telling myself that it wasn’t because of Honeymaren. But I guess it really was because of her. 

She was warm, her lips were soft, her arms were around my waist, and she pulled me closer. I liked it. I loved it. 

I pulled away, and she took a breath in, her eyes were looking at mine, then back down to my lips. I did the same. I caressed her cheek and pulled her close again, our lips only inches away. 

“I love you, Maren.” I kissed her again, then again and again and again. I didn’t feel weird. It felt right. It felt perfect and I just hoped that Honeymaren would believe my words. “I love you.”