Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Fred: Now see this is why we need to check on our Medic more often, look at this.

Medic: *in medical bed with paper towel on his forehead*

Fred: our boy's been sick for the last six days and not one of us have noticed before now. Boss, yer around him most, how haven't you seen this?

Cheavy: the fuck d'you want me to do? He's behind me most of the time!

Greg: most of the time?...what..oh.

Cheavy: not like that your idiot.

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Fred: Round forty two, for gods sake I wanna sleep.

Spy: your not playing anymore, you CAN go to sleep!

Fred: ain't no way I'm doin' that Spy, I wanna see who wins.

Virgil: it's gonna be Medic.

Greg: I think Medics dead.

Virgil: well then I'll roll for him!

Cheavy: no! Cuz then you might cheat!

Virgil: how the hell can I cheat by rolling for him?

Cheavy: i dunno! I just know you can.

Spy: you really can't boss-

Cheavy: I DONT CARE!

Medic: what the hell's going on?

Greg: oh so you aren't dead.

Medic: no, I was just asleep?

Virgil: awh man.

Fred: the hack d'ya mean "Ah Man" snipes?? *Chuckling*

Virgil: i though someone else was out, but he's alive so he isn't.

Medic: PFT!? oh ok thanks Virg!

Demo: can we PLEASE just go to sleeeeep?

Bea: NOOOOO!

Spy: Bea your out to!

Bea: so what? Medic can reincarnate me.

Medic: this is Monopoly Bea, I can't do anything to you.

Bea:... seriously?...Damn it!

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Fred: i just wanna show ya'll what these idiots have done...Virgil, what have you lot done?

Virgil: we've bunked all three of our beds, so now we have more room in our.. room.

Fred: yes..but how did you do it?

Virgil:.... I dunno.

Spy: they cut off a bit of the legs to top bunk and then a bit of the middle, then somehow managed to get the two beds up here.

Fred: when ye say 'they' spy, do ya mean you had nothin' to do with it?

Spy: yes. Neither of them told me, nor did they ask for my consent.

Medic: you would have said no though.

Spy: yes I would have said no. SOMEONE in support has to be sensible. And if it's not the one with a PhD then it has to be the next best option. Me.

Virgil: hey, why aren't I the next best option?

Spy: Because you were the one who had this stupid idea!

Virgil: YOU'RE A STUPID IDEA!

Medic: oh shit..

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Bea: so, sometimes. I like to go buy clothes for the boys, mainly because none of you lot have any style.

Fred: right, and we thank you for that.

Bea: your welcome. Now, doing this although it's fun, it can be a bit hard sometimes.

Fred: *chuckling* oh really? Why's that then Bea?

Bea: well...*lifts up a child's t-shirt* people get very confused when a Mercenary buys a shirt for kids.

Fred: and why do you buy shirts for kids? Do we have a kid on base?

Bea: no..we don't.

Cheavy: we just have one very small Medic. *Lifts Medic up*

Medic: im not THAT small!

Bea: i have to get your clothes in the children's section! Do you know all the strange looks I get from mother's in Teuforts when they see a deadly Merc shopping for children's clothing?

Medic: well no one asked you to buy me clothes!

Bea: All you have in clothes, is that damn uniform, pair of trousers and a shirt and vest!

Medic: i also have a tank top thank you very much..

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Fred: I am just mindin' my own business in our base when suddenly!..I hear little tipper tappers runnin' towards me. I look up, no one's there. I look to the side, no one's there. I look down. What the hell are ye doin' here?

Dell: hi dad.

Fred:..hello son. Who let you in? I know I didn't! Which one of those boys let mah little one in the base? Your meant ta be in Texas.

Dell: Virgil! *Points to Virgil*

Virgil: hey don't out me like that!

Fred: Virgil I swear to god-

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Fred: heya Dell.

Dell: hi dad!

Fred: how's my boy doin' today?

Dell: I'm fine.

Fred: that's great son. *Points to the Medic* d'ya know who dat is?

Dell: dats Mr.Medic.

Fred: right, and whos he holdin'?

Dell: a kid.

Fred: ahuh! And what's the kids name?

Dell: I dunno.

Fred: exactly. How and why is this kid here?

Dell: I dunno.

Fred: neither do I.

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Fred: and this is the tomb of our late medic, died almost two years ago...

Virgil: a true tragedy..

Bea: he is, and forever will be, missed..

Cheavy: no one could ever replace our Medic.

Medic: could you guys stop saying I'm dead please, I'm right here?

Fred: sometimes I still hear his voice..

Medic: Fred I'm right here.

Bea: so young...so young!

Medic: righttttt behind you.

Fred: why, lord all mighty, why?

Medic: I'm sick of this shit.

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Fred: day two of havin' this unidentified kid in our base: he has now cut the head of a bug, off of the rest of its body...I fear for this child's future..

Medic: *picks up the child* he'll be fineeeeee. Kids do strange things all the time. Remember when Dell used to drink alcohol?

Fred: that's normal! He's a Conagher, obviously he's gonna like beer when he's older, might as well get him started early.

Medic: alcohol can ruin people's lives Fred. Remember what it did to me?

Virgil: you drove around selling moonshine when you were fourteen, that's completely different than drinking it.

Medic: it was still alcohol, and it still took my right to drive.

Fred: oh come on doc, ye were old enough to know what ye was doin'. That kid however, he's gonna be a strange one..

Medic: calm down, Lu wouldn't hurt a fly.

Virgil: Lu?

Fred: Doc, what the hell are you on about?

Medic: I've nicknamed him Lu.

Virgil:... Lu?...you've named the baby..Lu?

Medic: what's so wrong with the name Lu?

Fred: it's very....

Virgil: it sounds like a character from a kids programme.

Medic: sooo? I think it suits him.

Fred: i...*sigh* nevermind... Hello Lu.

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Medic: I'm just saying. It's kinda weird that I run faster than you.

Greg: you don't, I'm telling you, you don't.

Medic: who captures the flag most of the time?

Greg:...you.

Medic: who has to run around healing everyone's asses during battle?

Greg: you.

Bea: *out of shot* the fucks that gotta do with speed?

Medic: and who can bunny hop?

Greg: you.

Medic: *smirks*

Greg: yeah, I get it, you're fast. But answer me this. Who gets the Medpacks half the time?

Medic:...you.

Greg:*+100 ego* you're damn fucking right bitch.

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Fred: *whispering* and here, we see quite the rare sight... A nocturnal Sniper. Out in the wild.

Virgil: ...why are you hiding in the bush?

Fred: as of right now, he is Domestic, as he is around a shy creature. The medic.

Medic: I'm not shy?

Fred: they will look after the child together.

Medic: what.

*The child starts crying*

Medic:...

Fred:...

Virgil:...

Medic: god damn it.

Fred: sorry.

Medic: now I have to go calm him down again..

Virgil: I'll do it. You stay here.