Chapter Text
Once you go, you can never come back.
That is the rule of it. You can’t unmake this choice.
It is your coming-of-age ceremony, Terracotta tells you. Your people want to see the woman you’ve become.
Who is the woman you’ve become?
They say our choices make us who we are.
Not everything, of course. You didn’t choose to be a princess. But you always knew you could choose what kind of princess you wanted to be. You tried to choose well – no, you know you chose well. Standing now before a kingdom that waits for you to speak to it, you know you were the princess they needed you to be, the one who could save them. And you are glad of that – how could you not be? You love your people. You would do anything to save them.
And now the saving is done, and all that’s left is you, with your hands calloused from your battle-string, your hair tangled by a now-gone ocean breeze. An X on your hand and the taste of the salt air, lingering in your mouth still.
You were steadfast, and you were selfless, and you were true. You think you could be steadfast and selfless and true all your days, and it wouldn’t be too terrible a burden.
But you would always miss the salt-wind in your hair.
(You know who you will be here, can picture that life stretching out before you, the path you were always meant to walk. You wonder what else you could be, beyond that horizon. They say anything can happen, on the Grand Line).
Princess Nefertari Vivi dies on the shoreline. She dies weeping, on the edge of the land that belonged to her father’s father’s fathers, thousands of years standing proud. She dies with the sun in her eyes, soft sand under her feet, a crowd of confused marines to watch the last of the Nefertaris come to an end.
“I love this kingdom.” You say. “I love my people. I hope I did right by you, for a while.”
You let the transponder fall onto the sand; if there are cheers, or cries of dismay, you do not hear them. You look up, to a small ship backlit by the sun, the seas endless behind it.
You leap.
Pirates are selfish. The whole ocean waits to see what you’ll become.
*
Her feet hit the deck, and she is someone new.
Her rebirth is met with wild cheers and laugher. She barely has a moment to catch her breath when a flash of red collides with her and a pair of rubbery arms wraps around her, looping wildly.
“Yes! Vivi’s gonna be a pirate with us!”
The rest of them hit her right after, arms and bodies and elated relief, picking her up off her feet like a wave here to carry her away from the shore.
“I was almost worried for a moment!”
“You’ll see, it’s going to be amazing!”
“It’s great to have you, Vivi!” shouts Usopp. “Also, the Navy is shooting at us!”
“Oh, shit!”
They scramble into position, pulling the sails and moving the canon, Vivi falling into the familiar pattern alongside the rest of them. There is no time for celebration, no time for regrets – There are cannonballs flying, screaming wind and the shouts of the crew, and no time to mourn a now-dead girl. By the time she has a chance to look back, Alabasta is gone from the horizon, and maybe it’s better this way.
So she doesn’t linger by the railing. Instead, she busies herself by helping everyone organize the deck, clear away debris and asses the damages. The Merry is a resilient ship, but she cannot come out of an armed chase unscathched – there are hole in the deck and cracks in the railings, deck chairs and boxes all scattered about. And there's more than that to take care of – they had taken off in such a hurry, and they have left her on the shore for so long. There are frayed ropes in the rigging, tears begiinnig to form at the edge of the sail. Desert-dust gathering on the helm, on Nami’s navigation tools.
It's a calming, familiar process, her princess-hands long grown familiar with the work of keeping a ship moving. Chopper grows tall to help her replace a rope by the stern, hoisting her on his shoulders so she can reach the knot.
“Karoo didn’t come with you?” He asks, sorrowfull, as he hands her the new rope.
Vivi shakes her head. “The supersonic duck squadron would be lost without him. And I think he was growing tired of the sea, a bit. He's not a saltwater creature.”
She would miss him, but it was good, to see him back where he belonged.
From the front deck, nami makes a sound of dismay.
“Those bastards shot at Belle-mere's trees! And one of them is almost broken. How dare they?”
“I don’t think they were exactly aiming there.” Remarks Zoro from where he is sprawled on the floor by the stairs.
Nami ignores him. “I'll have to brace it to give it an opportunity to heal – do we have any spare planks left in the hold?”
Sanji comes over to try and wrap a comforting arm around her shoulder. “I’ll help you, dearest. Don't you worry.”
“Thank you.” She pulls away, regarding the broken tree consideringly. “Could you lift and hold the tree in place while I fix it up? Zoro, get up and help him.”
The swordsman raises his eyebrows incredulously. “ Why?”
"Because you still have debt to me, so you might as well put that strength to something useful.”
“You too, Vivi!” She raises a finger. “I’m going to need another pair of hands for the binding. Don’t forget, you owe me one billion berry!”
Zoro grumbles, but Vivi smiles. “Well, then, I guess I better find some treasure.”
She had nearly forgotten of the deal they had made at the start of it all. No one had made any mention of it since their arrival at Alabasta, before or after their victory; not even Nami, and certainly not Luffy.
But in truth, she is pleased to be faced with a clear, well-defined goal, a way to pay her friends back for all they have done for her. And it sounds like a fun challenge, in its own way; Nami may know stealing, but Vivi knows economy . She knows tricks her friend would never consider; she thinks the two of them will be devastating together very, very fast.
Besides, helping Nami with her tree is hardly a hardship. The miniature grove has always been one of Vivi’s favorite places on the Merry, and she’s smiling as she follows the others in. Nami wastes no time getting to work, pushing a roll of tape into Vivi’s hand and directing Zoro and Sanji to pick up the tree and hold up the support planks. She climbs up on the fence to better judge their angle, her balance perfect as the ship rocks around her and a strong wind rustles her dress and blows red hair into her face. Vivi almost gets distracted looking up at her, hands growing clumsy around the brace. She is so beautiful with the waves behind her and the sun shining on her hair, and there are words under Vivi’s tongue she never thought she would be free enough to speak into existence.
When they’re done, she uses the last of the tape to help Usopp splint the broken railing back together. There's a frown between his eyebrows as he inspects the damage, but he seems glad for the assistance.
“Nami doesn’t really mean it about the treasure, you know.” He whispers to her. “She already said she was ready to let that go, when you weren’t here.”
“She did?” Vivi rolls the tape back together with a precise movement. “Well, I’m going to have to surprise her, then. If I’m going to be a pirate, I’m going to be pirate who pays her debts.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “Well, you’re crazy.” He squeezes her shoulder. “Glad you came, though. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”
Vivi doesn’t want Robin there.
Maybe it isn’t fair, to be angry with the crew for how easily they accept her presence among them – didn’t they take Vivi herself in just as easily, after she had led them first to the bounty hunters and then to a war that did not belong to them? But she is angry, so much that she nearly chokes on it, a lingering bitterness deep in her throat.
Vivi doesn’t care about Ponegliffs, about history. She had left Alabasta behind her, but some part of her will always be in that square, watching her people kill each other, screaming with no one to hear her. Robin helped bring her there.
Vivi has never been one for grudges – has taught herself at a young age that a princess could not afford them, her own feelings irrelevant in the face of her country’s needs. But, well. Vivi isn’t a princess anymore.
Robin must recognize that much, because she doesn’t try buy her the way she bought Nami, charm her the way she had Sanji, or distract her as she did everyone else. Doesn't speak to her at all, the first day or so after she reveals her presence. There are moments when Vivi thinks she can feel eyes on her, from under the brim of that hat or from other, more obscure places. But when she turns to look, it’s gone.
This wordless truce lasts until shortly after sundown of the second day. Zoro had refused to allow Robin to keep watch alone until she has proven herself, so instead she shares the shift of the person assigned to the first half of the night. Vivi is grateful to him for his wariness; it doesn’t make it any easier, the first evening, to go to her bed and leave Chopper alone on the deck with the vice-president of Baroque Works. Doesn't make it easier the second evening, when all of her crew retires, leaving her and Nico Robin alone to face the night.
Vivi stands very straight, eyes fixed on the horizon, hands leaning against the rail. The waves are gentle – Nami promised them a quiet night. The night breeze is cool, and she finds herself wishing she’s brought a jacket.
To her left, Ms. All-Sunday says: “I realize my presence here is unwelcome for you.”
Vivi keeps her eyes on darkness ahead. “I’m glad I don’t have to clarify that.”
The older woman breaths in deep, and lets out a sound that is not quite a sigh.
“Crocodile’s plan was in motion long before I met him.” She points out calmly. “With or without me the civil war would have happened.”
Vivi’s fists clench involuntarily. “You still tried to prevent me from stopping it.”
“And yet you succeeded anyway, so in truth, what harm have I done to you? Your kingdom prevails. Your father lives. I even spared your Igaram. All you cherish lives on, while I – I have nothing at all.”
“I know.” Vivi admits, turning to look at her. She forces her fingers to loosen. “And that’s why I’m not going to – to fight you, or to demand that you leave. I would not question my captain’s judgement.” She exhales. ”But I don’t have to forgive you, either.”
“No.” Robin agrees. “No, there is certainly no obligation for you to do that.”
And then they don’t talk about that anymore.
She doesn’t have much time wallow, over the next few days. A ship falls out of the sky. It is rather distracting.
And anyway, Vivi is good at not missing home. It had been two long years since she had left Alubarna with only Igaram for company, traveling through the Grand Line under a fake name. There was no time for longing, then, in between lying and training and fighting as she worked her way up to be a numbered agent. She fallen out of the habit of it.
There are moments where their entire month in Alabasta feels distant and pale, as though she had never really reunited with her father or won her war. The Merry and her crew are so much more real.
“Vivi! Are you coming with us to shore?”
“Of course I am.” She declares, because she has been thinking about some things. “I’m your ship’s negotiator!”
“Eh? But that’s Nami.”
“Not navigator, idiot! She means the person who talks to people and convinces them to help us, or not to fight.”
“Oh, like in Drum kingdom!” a beat. “We like to fight, though. So don’t negotiate a lot, okay?”
Nami rolls her eyes. “You just promised me you wouldn’t get into any fights here.”
“Only until we get our answers.” Vivi points out cheerfully. “After that it doesn’t matter. These things are important when making agreements.”
Nami levels a finger at her. “ Be on my side here.”
Vivi smiles and takes her arm. “Yes ma’am.”
They’re going to the sky. Imagine that.
(“Now this,” Vivi informs them. “Is the reason a ship should have a negotiator.”
Her crew stares giant pole of pure gold the sky-people are currently in the process of securing to the Merry’s deck, mouths agape.
“Their leaders were very generous about the whole matter.” She adds when the stunned silence stretches. Honestly, it required so little of her diplomacy skills it was a bit embarrassing.
“I think you may have just fulfilled that billion belli promise.” Says Nami, awe slowly giving way to dawning glee.
“Waits until we get back to the blue sea and exchange this for something useable before you start counting our Belli.” Vivi cautions, but she can’t suppress the warmth rising in her chest. They are better, for having her here. This treasure, this pirate-victory, is her doing, and Vivi had always like being good at what she does. Doing right by her people. Her crew gathers around her, cheering and laughing, and the Merry creaks under the weight of their gold.)
Landing back in the blue water after Skypiea is like waking from a dream. Vivi almost expects to wake up and find herself back in her bed in the palace. Maybe she’s never left. Maybe she’s fourteen and just made up the greatest, wildest adventure.
Having to fish her captain out of the water helps reality settle back into place. It’s funny, the kind of things that become mundane.
After Luffy is deposited with Chopper, Nami takes her waver back for a proper test drive. After she climbs down to it she turns around to look back up, one had on the handles and the other reaching up, and grins. “Hey, Vivi, want a ride?”
“Hey, why does Vivi get to ride with you?”
“Because Vivi knows how to swim.”
Vivi can barely hear their bickering – all of her attention is focused on Nami’s sparkling eyes and offered hand. There is something light and fluttering in her chest, a sort of hopeful excitement she can’t suppress and doesn’t truly want to. She grabs onto the rope and jumps.
Riding the waver is unlike anything Vivi had ever experienced – the water is close to them, closer than in any boat; Vivi can feel the spray soaking the edge of her skirt. The wind whips around them, the waver listing dangerously to one side as its driver takes a sharp turn and keeps moving forward without missing a beat. Nami is unwavering before her, maneuvering this impossible sky-machine as though she was born on it. Vivi has to hold on tight to her in order to stay on the vehicle, both her arms wrapped around her waist. She is warmer than Vivi had expected, somehow, and she can feel the way her shoulders shake with delighted laugher as they accelerate. Her hair smells like tangerines.
Eventually they pull up back beside the Merry, faces wind-stung and hair in disarray. Vivi’s cheeks hurt from grinning, and when Nami hops off the waver and turn to look at her she finds the feeling reflected in her face.”
“This is even better than it was on the white sea.” The navigator declares. “ And it’s our forever now. Isn’t it amazing?”
“I think it may be the most fun thing I’ve ever done.” Vivi tells her, and means it, too.
The past catches up to her as they are leaving Long Ring Long Island, wearing a form she never thought she’d see again.
The eight of them are gathered on the deck, still giddy with victory. Usopp is in the middle of a dramatic retelling of the Davy Back Fight, Chopper and Luffy listening intently as though they had not been present for the entire thing. Nami is at the helm, setting course for the next island with Robin’s assistance. Vivi is sitting by the railing with a fishing rod in hand, leaning against a napping Zoro’s shoulder as she helps Sanji fish for dinner. Her muscles ache pleasantly with the aftermath of the game, and it’s a nice, warm afternoon, and feeling of contentment wells within her. Then Luffy’s shriek shatters the relative quiet.
“A bird! Dinner! Usopp, can you shoot it?”
“Yeah, yeah, just give me a moment…”
" Pell !"
"Wait, what?"
"Bird guy?! You're not dead?"
"This is a surprise." Says robin, but Vivi pays her no mind, for once. All of her attention is focused on the man now landing on the deck with a light thud, his wings folding into his back as he raises his head and turns around to look at her with purple-lined eyes she had known all her life.
“Your highness,” he says, and the she rushes forward and throws her arms around him.
He catches her immediately, strong familiar arms wrapping around her shoulders and holding on tight, not wavering when she buries her face in his shoulder and feels the fabric go damp. A short era passes before he gently pushes her back so they can see each other’s faces.
“I thought you were dead.” her voice shakes. “The bomb – and you didn’t come back – I thought you were dead.”
“I returned to the palace as soon as I was able to fly.” He says gravely. “When I arrived I was informed you had already left the kingdom again. Permanently.” He steps back, hands falling from her shoulders. “Princess, I don’t understand.”
"I'm not," she says, and can't finish. She feels young, suddenly, like a little girl scolded by her guardian after doing something irresponsible. All of her determination, all the joy of the last few months is suddenly lodged in her throat.
Nami steps forward and takes her hand, glaring at him defiantly. The rest of her crewmates draw close, gathering around her, expression ranging from amiable to suspicious. Vivi sees her guard’s eyes taking them in one by one, lingering on Robin where she stands to Zoro’s left, face wary.
He looks back to her – her grown-out hair and her worn travel clothes; the bandage Chopper had tied to her scuffed arm; the peacock slashers proudly dangling from her waist. Vivi doesn’t know what it is that he sees.
“You’ve changed.” He says softly.
“I walk a different path now.” She tells him, and her voice comes out steadier than she expects.
(She thinks of the last time she saw him, before. Fourteen years old and unaware of the plot already growing around them, all her battle training theoretical lessons at his hand. A girl who’s never ventured far from her guards, never wanted to. His eyes are looking for that girl now, but he will never find her.
It’s the sort of thing that happens on the Grand Line. A little girl leaves her island, and never truly comes back home.)
“I didn’t expect this.” he tells her quietly. “Your father didn’t either, I think. Maybe commander Igaram.”
He wants to understand, she knows, and there is nothing she can offer him. No way to translate everything she’s seen and done to make it comprehensible to this man for whom her old home, her old duty, are everything.
If she could, she would sound him the ringing of the Shandora bell, up above the cloud. Show him what it was like to be part of a legend for a moment and then to fall onto the sea and keep going forward. There are giants duelling by the mountain and a city of gold in the sky.
It snowed pink on drum island, she might have told him, or, they went to war for me.
But she doesn’t have the words.
“Your father sent me with letters for you.” he says, still looking at her expectantly. “Your departure was very abrupt, and he has missed you. He worries.”
The offer is there, unspoken. How many times has he carried her home onto his back? She hadn’t committed any crimes yet, not on any sea where the waves are blue. The princess of Alabasta’s name is clean yet, the way back still open.
Nami's grip on her wrist is crushing.
“She chose us.” Says Luffy. “You can’t have her back now.”
Pell ignores him, his gaze focused only on Vivi.
“Princess?” He asks, quietly. But the princess of Alabasta is no more.
“He doesn’t have to worry.” She says. “My crew looks out for me.”
He closes his eyes. “Alright.” He exhales. “Alright.”
He doesn’t keep the disappointment from his eyes. She can see the accusations hovering on his tongue, but he swallows them all back for her sake, and Vivi is so very grateful. He loves her, she knows. He'd always been there, for her, to teach her the right thing to do. But those days have been over for a while, now.
“Thank you for coming, Pell.” She manages. “Give my father my love. Tell him I'm sorry about – I hope he understands. I hope I might be able to visit, someday.” She reaches a hand for him, and does not cry with relief when he immediately grasps it. “It was really good to see you again. I'm so glad you are okay.”
“And I, you.” He steps forward and presses a single kiss on her forehead. “Live well, my princess.”
And in a flash of wings, he takes to the sky and is gone.
After he leaves, Vivi sits on the Merry’s head and weeps.
Luffy must sense how much she needs it, because he leaves her his special seat without complaint. And for an undefined amount of time, it’s just her and the wind and her grief, and the steady, salt-soaked wood beneath her palms.
They approach her one by one, these crewmates of hers.
The first who come to talk to her is Chopper. She can see him out of the corner of her eyes, peeking at her as he hesitates to come nearer. she keeps looking forward, letting him take his time until he finally gathers the courage to approach.
“Hey, Vivi?”
She draws her knees closer to her chest. “Hey, Chopper.”
“Can I check your arm? That masked guy hit you pretty hard and I didn’t really have time to look at it properly earlier.”
“I don’t think it’s serious.” She promises, half turning around and reaching her arm out for him to inspect. He does his work seriously, meticulously, unwrapping the rushed work around her arm to put a salve on the wound. Vivi sit quietly and lets him work, watching his hand move. She finds that the process helps focus her, somehow, pull her back to the here and now. He doesn’t comment on her tear-stained face as he works, which she appreciates. On those first days away from Drum Island it had been Vivi, more often than not, who sat with their newest member as he struggled with his homesickness, with the fear and strangeness that accompanied leaving the only land he’s ever known. It was always so important to him, to put on a brave face. Vivi doesn’t share the feeling – these people have seen her at her lowest and most desperate, and she has nothing left to hide – but all the same, right now, she is glad for his quiet.
“Alright, I’m done.” He finishes re-tying the bandage and takes a step back. “You’re right that it looks pretty light, but be careful not to lean on it today just in case, alright?”
“I will, I promise.” She smiles at him. “Thanks, Chopper.”
“You’re welcome.” He turns to leave and then turns around to glance at her. “Do you want a hug?”
“I – yes. I do.”
He grows tall and wraps his arms around her, warm and steady and big enough to block away the world. Vivi leans into the embrace for a long moment, careless for once of the stains she must be leaving on his fur.
Usopp is next. Her tears have stopped flowing a while ago, and now she watches the waves beneath her, lost in thought. He clears his throat awkwardly behind her and she turns, startled.
“Uh, Sanji asked me to give you this.”
He’s holding a mug in his hands, and when Vivi takes it she is immediately hit with the smell of hot chocolate. She pulls it close, wrapping her hands around it. She hadn’t even realized her fingers were starting to freeze. It’s good, like everything Sanji makes, exactly the right amount of sweet. She looks up from the mug to see Usopp frowning at her questioningly.
“You doing okay there?”
“Yeah. Just… thinking.” There is so much she has avoided thinking about, these last few weeks. So much, and it feels like a wave, crushing over her. She is grateful for their presence, for the hand reaching to keep her head above the water.
“Well, I don’t want to interrupt you, but later, would you mind coming over late to help me patch up the new crack in the upper mast? I need another set of hands, and you know I can’t trust any of these guys to pay attention and do the whole thing right. I could really use your help.”
“Usopp – “
She thinks, for a moment, of Usopp’s father, who left his home and family and duty because a man with a wide grin and a straw hat offered him a life upon the sea. there doesn’t seem to be any resentment in him, and she wonders of it. She doesn’t think, in his place, she could have been so generous.
“I’ll come by soon. I promise.”
She almost asks, but in the end she doesn’t. it’s not Usopp’s forgiveness that she’s looking for. She’s not sure she’s looking for anyone’s at all.
Next, Sanji comes himself. He steps up to the railing and stands there, for a moment, in uncharacteristic silence.
“So, I was thinking I could make some of the new recipes I got from Terracotta for dinner today.” He offers. “If that was something you might be interested in?”
“I would like that.” She realizes the truth oof the words only as she’s saying them, the way the food of home is another thing she’s been unconsciously grieving. She would have never thought to ask. She slides off Merry’s head as she speaks, her shoes making a soft sound against the wooden planks. She hadn’t realized it was almost dinnertime.
“Anything for you, my dear.” He bows to her, leaning a bit uncomfortably close, and then straightens and lingers, as though steeling himself to continue. Vivi waits, unsure of what to expect. She likes Sanji, but he makes her tired, sometimes. She’s not like Nami, to take his fawning as her due. Sometimes she wishes he looked her in the eye more often.
“And, Vivi?” He’s looking at her right now.
“It may not be my place to say.” He says hesitantly. “But Vivi, you don’t owe your life to Alabasta just because you were born there. They don’t get to demand that from you.”
The words hit her like a kick to the chest, leaving her reeling.
“That’s not true.” Is the only thing she can think of to say. “I am their princess. I have a duty.”
“Not anymore.”
He says it like its easy. As though she is not tearing apart her own heart, burying half of herself upon a shore now forever barred to her. But it had been easy, hadn’t it? A few words, a single jump. Easy doesn’t mean painless. It just means over and done.
By the time she manages to gather herself into a semblance of order, he’s already turned away, making his way back to the kitchen. Vivi stays by the Merry’s head for another minute or so, wiping her face and straightening her wind-swept hair. Then she goes to find Usopp, because the ship isn’t going to fix itself and there is, as always, work to be done.
Robin doesn’t speak to her, honoring the wordless truce that had existed between the two of them since that first evening by the shore of Alabasta. All the same, Vivi feels the now-familiar weight of her eyes on her all throughout dinner. When she looks up across the table, for once, the assassin doesn’t look away, instead meeting her gaze. Robin’s expression is as hard to read as always, and there’s a strange gentleness in her eyes that Vivi doesn’t know how to interpret. She holds the eye contact for a few long moment, and then gives Vivi a short, serious nod before returning to her meal.
Vivi finds her own gaze lingering, watching the other woman with a thoughtfulness she hadn’t been willing to afford her before. She wonders what Robin knows of the grief of being reborn, of carrying the ghosts of dead girls in your bones. Maybe she’ll ask, sometimes. Not today, but soon. They are in this together, now.
The food is good, tasting like almost-home. It hurts, but Vivi is glad for it. They could carry this little bit of her past together with them wherever they go, and enjoy it together. In time, she thinks it would no longer feel like a wound at all.
Zoro shows up after dinner, as she takes her evening watch in the crow’s nest. It’s sweet, really. He isn’t good with words, most of the time, but Vivi knows he cares.
He has only one question for her.
“Do you regret it?”
And that’s just the thing, isn’t it? She doesn’t. she feels light, these days, light as she hadn’t since she was a little girl, running around with the Sand-Sand band. For all that it hurts, being suddenly faced with everything she’s given up, Vivi knows what she gained, making her choice. Knows the wind had been worth it.
“No. I don’t.”
“Good.” He looks at her again, and the left corner of his mouth rises to a smile. “We can’t afford hesitation, with the places we’re going.”
Vivi returns his smile, bright and fierce. “Don’t worry. I’ll be ready.”
It takes Nami until after sunset to come to her. Vivi is watching the last of day’s light sparkling faintly over the water, her back leaned against the flagpole. She hears Nami climbing up the ladder, and waits patiently for her to reach the top. Below them, the crew is slowly disappearing belowdecks. Nami pulls herself over the railing and onto the crow’s nest and Vivi reaches a hand to her, unthinking. Nami grasps it immediately, narrow fingers slotting between Vivi’s own. She leans against the pole beside her, their shoulders touching.
“Are you okay?” She asks, then shakes her head. “Sorry, stupid question.”
“I am okay.” Vivi says, and mostly means it. Her tears had long dried, and she feels... cleaner. It's a strange feeling, an energy humming through her chest. As though the wind around them is blowing into her lungs and filling her, washing away her sorrow and leaving her clear and new.
“I’m glad your friend is alive. He was important to you, wasn’t he?”
“He’s family. I’m so grateful I got to see him again.” Vivi says softly. The words feel inadequate, somehow, to describe everything she had thought and felt since this morning. “I just didn’t think I would have to make this choice twice.”
Now Nami is the one staring forward rather than meeting her eyes. “It’s okay. If you thought about going with him.”
“Is it okay if I didn’t?”
Nami turns her head sharply. “What?”
The left corner of Vivi’s mouth rises in a rueful smile. “He was so disappointed in me.” She says. “All my life, all I wanted was to be worthy. To do it right. And now... Now I just want this.” She’s the one holding too tight Nami’s hand, now. “What does that even mean?”
There is an edge of desperation, creeping into her voice. And then Nami is throwing her arms around her, pulling her close. “It’s okay.” She says. “Vivi, it’s okay.”
Vivi clings to her, as tight she can, and breaths, perfume and sea salt and tangerines. Exhales. Breaths again. The Merry sways beneath them, rising with the tide. Nami is so steady. Vivi wants to hold on to her, and keep on holding.
“I know what it’s like, you know.” Nami whispers into her hair, like a secret. “To spend your life working for your home, and to want… something different. To want to see for yourself. It doesn’t make you bad.” A slightly shaky laugh. “Or, well, if it does, at least we’re bad together.”
Vivi closes her eyes and smiles against her neck. “That sounds nice.”
“Haven’t you been paying attention? It's been amazing.”
Vivi pulls back then, slowly, because she wants to see her face. Her face is serious still, but there’s a familiar glean in her eye again, like light reflecting off waves. She is looking at Vivi like she is the most important thing in this whole wild, wonderful world.
The grief is gone from Vivi, now, and she can feel that energy again, singing in her chest, urging her forward. There’s nothing Vivi wants more than to be selfish with Nami until the ends of time. To the One Piece and back.
She is feeling brave and invincible, right now, for this single moment, and there’s nothing stopping her at all.
“Can I kiss you?”
Nami’s lips part in surprise, as though even now, even with all that had existed between them, she had not expected that they would reach this moment. Then she smiles, and it is breathtaking.
“That sounds like a great idea.”
Vivi has never kissed anyone, before. But she had been – thinking of it, lately, considering the action. She is hesitant at first, placing one hand on Nami’s cheek as she leans forward to press their lips together. It’s – awkward, at first, but nice, too. Vivi can taste dinner’s ice cream on Nami’s lips, feel the edges of her smile slowly fade as the other girl tilts her head and leans in deeper. And – Vivi doesn’t think Nami had much more time for kisses than herself, in the life she has led. But she is a quick study, as curious and clever about this as she is about everything. Her hands find purchase in Vivi’s hair as she pulls her closer, Vivi nearly gasping with it, and there is nothing in all of her lost kingdom that could possibly compare.
Luffy comes to her last.
“Nami looked real upset when she came up here.” He remarks, although Vivi can’t quite detect an accusation or even a question in his tone.
“She was afraid I might be regretting coming with you guys.” Vivi tells him. “I’m not, though, so everything’s alright now.”
“Being a pirate is the best.” He agrees. “That was stupid of her. You’re one of us now.” He leans back, apparently satisfied, and stretches an arm to steal her spyglass, peering through it at the shadowed horizon.
“I did mean to ask you, though.” He adds after a moment. “What do you want to do?”
Vivi blinks at him. “What do you mean?”
“Well, everyone on the crew is trying to find or be something. You can’t have a really great adventure without a dream! So. What do you want?”
No one has ever asked Vivi that before. She is breathless with it, suddenly, the possibilities stretching out before her. The world seems infinite.
“I don’t know what I want.” She says. “But I want to find out.”
Luffy lowers the spyglass, tilts his head to consider her for a moment, then nods. “Makes sense! Then you gotta tell us.”
“I will.”
Kohza writes her letters.
It costs, to send personal letters with the news coo, especially when the intended recipient is always on the move. But the protégé of the king does not lack for resources, and her father was always a bit sentimental about certain royal expenses.
He tells her of the way things are going, in the world she left behind her. Of the slow healing of her people. The slow process of rebuilding she had glimpsed the beginning of before she left. He tells her of the rebel army, things she suspects he wouldn’t have told her was she still a reigning princess, of their struggle to return to their old life, of his attempts to integrate those unwilling to into the king’s forces.
She writes back to him with advice, trying to impart all her knowledge, everything she’s learned in a lifetime of duty, to this person she loves who could still use it. She shares stories of her own, too – of the islands they are visiting, and the ones they have before arriving at Alabasta. She doesn’t know if he believes all of them – they must sound so fantastical to him, having never even left Alabasta. If she hadn’t lived through them, Vivi wouldn’t have believed herself either.
Maybe Karoo will vouch for her, she contemplates. She leaves an aside for him in her next letter, asking Kohza to give him her love, and everyone else’s here too. The answering letter contains a green feather, and she ties it to one of her slashers, to try and use in a few new tricks.
There is something wrong in Water Seven.
Vivi knows it almost immediately, can feel it down to her bones. The first day she tells herself she’s being paranoid, too used to looking over her shoulder and playing Crocodile’s game. The second day, Robin is gone. That is when she knows for sure.
The thing is, the rest of her crew thinks in straightforward ways. They are warriors, all of them, their intentions and methods simple and true. Even Nami and Usopp, who would name themselves tricksters, so rarely look over their shoulder. They all say what’s on their mind, reach for what they want, and name their enemy when he stands before them. They are not ones for subterfuge, for spies and secrets and betrayals made in the shadows.
But Vivi – Vivi can look at the city of shipwrights and see the movements underneath the surface, sense the hooks and tendrils of a plot spanning everything from the shipyards of Galley-La to the train track at its edge. Vivi learned her steel playing double agent in a covert organization that spanned half of Paradise, and she knows her work. She is a spy before all else, and her once-enemy is missing, and Water Seven is full of eyes and full of liars.
There is something wrong in Water Seven and Vivi knows it immediately, and still, again, she is too late.
(It may be her fault, in a way. She never expects to find the World Government at the heart of the web. Everyone has their blind spots, and Vivi once sat at that table and watched the mechanisms of ruling unfold and she should have known better.)
And then there is nothing left to do but to fight.
If there’s anything Vivi knows how to do, it’s to say, my people . I won’t let you hurt my people, no matter how far I have to go. It has been written into her bones, generation of dutiful queens and fourteen years of learning in the daylight and two years of striving in the dark. And maybe that is not how it’s supposed to go, that loyalty not meant for a handful of criminals striking out against the world, But Vivi had made her choices, and somewhere between that shore in Alabasta and the moment the Sea Train leaves its station, Nico Robin had become one of Vivi’s people, too.
Vivi hadn’t meant to let her – doesn't even think Robin herself had meant to become important to her, not with the way she is carrying on now – but then, you don’t get to choose your subjects either. You just protect the ones you got.
The assassin she finds herself going up against is tall and looming, a mass of limbs and twisting hair that her slashers tear through like paper. He looks at her like she’s nothing, but Vivi had beaten two thousand men for a position in Crocodile’s organization when she was fifteen years old. She is used to being underestimated. She had been alone, then, and afraid. Staring this single man down now, older and stronger, she is not alone, and more than she is afraid, she is angry.
His blood is still staining her coat when she reaches the ship before the Gates of Justice, mingling with mud and seawater from their wild chase through the sea train. She stands up, mindless of it, and there are marines all around them the roar of flames behind them but those things are a constant in this life some words have to be said. She stumbles forward.
“Robin.” She calls. “Robin – “
“Miss Negotiator!” Robin pulls herself away from Nami and Chopper’s arms to smile at her. “I’m glad you’re okay. I - “
Vivi grasps her forearm, cutting her off in the middle of a sentence, and says: “I forgive you.”
Robin freezes, eyes widening. Vivi pushes on determinedly.
“The war, my kingdom, Crocodile – I don’t care anymore. I forgive you. I don’t even know if I should, but I do .” Her breath comes out choked, robin speechless before her.
“I didn’t even realize it, and then – “ tears sting in her eyes. “I was so afraid I wouldn’t get the chance to tell you.”
Robin’s eyes widen when Vivi throws her arms around her. Then, after a moment the older woman’s arms wrap around her shoulders, holding on tight, and maybe there’s a spare arm there, Vivi doesn’t know and doesn’t care.
“Can we be friends now?” She asks, as the roar of the warships around them grows louder.
“I would like that very much.”
(Vivi thinks of Marijois, after. Of the Council of Kings, that long table. All those men and women in ornate clothes, and the things they spoke of. She never had any illusions, not really. She had merely let herself forget.
She pities Spandam, almost, a little man who doesn’t understand what power is. He will never sit at that table, never step foot in that room. Neither will Vivi, now.
For the first time, she feels her hands cleaner for the life of crime she has chosen.)
In the picture on her first bounty poster, Vivi is laughing. She had been watching Nami pose for the cameraman, entertained by her girlfriend’s antics, face alit with joy that is now spread across the blues in a hundred thousand copies. Her head is tilt back and her hair is escaping her ponytail to fall on her face, bright against the shaded trees behind her. It's a good picture.
Nefertari Vivi is worth 35 million belli, now. It’s funny, really – she must have been worth much more in her princess days. She wonders if they hold her Baroque Works days against her, if that’s been calculated into the price. She finds she doesn’t care much if it does – like Robin, like Nami, this is just part of her story.
Kohza mentions it in his next letter, reaching her just as the Thousand Sunny leaves shore for the first time.
The people still love you, he writes to her. I don’t think there’s anything you could do to make them stop. They’re proud of you, still. The children love telling stories of the wild pirate princess. You're lucky the photo on your bounty poster is so flattering – they've been hanging it in every town square in Alabasta.
(It’s easier to be a hero when you’re gone. They turned against your father, once, but they will always love you now).
He tells her of the kingdom, of his work as a minister. He doesn’t say it – maybe doesn’t realize it yet, even – but Vivi can see from behind his words the ways her father is guiding him, training him. Preparing him, slowly, to fill the hole she had left behind.
He’s going to be a good king, she thinks, and I would’ve been a good queen, too.
But there is no sting to it. She bites into a tangerine slice, savoring the taste for a long moment, and then offers the bowl containing the rest to Robin, sitting in a deck chair to her left.
Robin looks up from the book she is reading, glances at her face and smiles. “Good news, I take it?”
“I think it is.” Vivi tells her. “I think it’s all gonna be alright.”
She gets up, folding the letter and placing it in her pocket. It will be harder to get mail, once they cross the Red Line. This may be the last one for a while. But that – she isn’t worried about that. Alabasta is behind her, is moving on without her. Vivi is the farthest from home that she has ever been, and she’s only going forward.
She has given herself to the wind, so she might as well see how far the wind will take her.
She finds Luffy on the ship’s prow, his face turned toward the sun, eyes closed.
“I know what I want to do.”
“Oh?” He sits up straight, eyes widening. “You’ve decided? What is it? I’ve been waiting to know.”
“I want to be to more islands than anyone’s ever been.” She tells him. “I want to see them all.”
He grins. “That’s a good dream.” He says, and laughs. “We’ll have to sail around for a really long time, to do that.”
“That’s fine.” She tells him. “I have time. And I know a girl who’s going to map the world.”
In the ruins of Thriller Bark, Nami gives her a crown.
It's more of a tiara, really. A simple, delicate thing, made of silver and embedded with small shards of some blue gem Vivi doesn’t recognize. Nami pulls it out of the mountain of treasure that once belonged to Moria and gives it a considering look, weighting it thoughtfully in her hands before thrusting it toward Vivi. “What do you think?”
Vivi looks up from where she is going through Perona’s papers – the Thriller Bark Pirates’ record-keeping leaves much to be desired. “Oh, that’s beautiful.”
“It matches your eyes. Try it on.”
Vivi pauses, surprised, and then slowly places down the papers. She steps forward, feeling strangely self-conscious, and slowly, deliberately, lowers her head. Lets Nami crown her there among the rubble, to the distant sound of a feast still going on in the main hall.
Nami steps back to look at her. “It suits you.”
There's a look in her eyes Vivi doesn’t quite know how to read.
“What is it?”
Nami shakes her head. “It’s just – I’ve stolen a lot of things in my life, you know.” She grins. “Never thought I'd steal a princess.”
“A lot of things, huh?” Vivi glances at the piles of valuables surrounding them. “How would you rank me among them?”
“My favourite. By far.”
Vivi grins back at her. “Would you trade a billion Belli for me?” That old promise feels like a lifetime ago.
“In a heartbeat.” she is still smiling wide, but her eyes grow serious and soft. She is still wearing a wedding dress, torn and mangled from the battle, the hem so stained it turns brown. There are claw marks on her arms and her hair is a mess and she is so beautiful it hurts. Looking at her dressed like this, Vivi can’t help but think, maybe someday.
“Well, I would trade a kingdom for you.”
And she would. Nefertari Vivi arrives at the Red Line with no regrets.
And then, Sabaody. And then, Kuma. And then, she is alone.