Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kitty currently hates whatever her feelings are trying to achieve.

How she fell for Carrie? She wishes she knew. The only thing she knew was how she found out. A month ago, they were playing beach volleyball since the two went to the beach together. Kitty served the ball, Carrie received it and in that moment time, in Kittyʼs eyes, literally froze. That perfect moment when Carrieʼs hair was blown back by the wind and a look of focus on her face. Before Kitty could even process the stunning view she had seen, she finally got it and the second she did a ball hit her head. It could have been worse but then again, also could have been significantly better.

She did know some of the reasons why she liked Carrie though. That perfectly styled fluffy blonde hair, big doe eyes, Carrieʼs kind nature, the way she stuttered when talking about something awkward, however sheʼs try her best to comfort someone, how red she got when she was flustered, the way she stuck her tongue out when she was focused, the way she brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear whenever she was nervous. Kitty could go on and on, Carrie was simply the ideal human being in her eyes. Even her flaws were flawless.

Carrie always treated Kitty like an equal. No mattee how long it took for Kitty to figure out an equation or sort out anything really, Carrie never made fun or laughed at her. Hell, she never even said a thing about her name! How could Kitty not fall in love? They only met two years ago but they have become best friends. The only friendship Kitty absolutely would not risk unless she had to.

Oh, and thereʼs Devin. Carrieʼs childhood best friend who she was hopelessly in love with and not Kitty. Kitty could never measure up, how can she compete with a guy whose known Carrie ever since they were in diapers? There was like no way Kitty had a chance, and thatʼs coming from a very optimistic person. Kitty wasnʼt too sure if Devin liked her back though, because he was oblivious and dense. Carrei knew exactly where he stood in her heart though. Number 1. Maybe if Kitty got lucky she was number 2.

That summed it up pretty well. Kitty stared into a small, little puddle, the rain hitting her back as she moped. She usually thought about it whenever she was feeling down, she couldnʼt help it. Sadness was an emotion that her brain has now connected to Carrie, because she always gets a little bit depressed when she acknowledges the fact Carrie will never love her back because of her stupid oblivious best friend and she will forever be alone. Once she got black out drunk and woke up in a alleyway because of that, and she had to take a cab back after 5 minutes of attempting to recall her address. Eventually she just texted Emma who was luckily free at that time.

So yeah, she was a very big mess. Even now she was drenched at 6pm at school. She should head back soon but she dosenʼt have the motivation to like, move.

On the bright side, Geoff and Brody invited her out to a party again tonight so as long as she got back home by 7pm and cleaned up she would be able to meet them at 11pm later.

Also, Kitty hasnʼt really come out yet to any of her friends, or her sister. She dosenʼt think she should since one of them could connect the dots and figure out she liked Carrie so definitely not. Another reason she has to make sure she does not think of Carrie or her sexuality or she will certainly blurt it out when she got drunk.

Kitty huffed a loud sigh, hopping up to her feet and heading back into the building. She stuck her head outside for a moment and squeezed some water out of her hair and rummaged through her bag to find tissue or something of the sort. 

“Kitty?”

Oh no. Kitty recognised that voice. Geoffʼs best friend, the only person who was as close to Geoff as Brody was. Well excluding Geoffʼs girlfriend Bridgette anyways. 

What the hell could Gwen be doing here?

Kitty turned around, sure enough the goth was standing there looking down at here. “Oh hey!” Kitty forced her usual smile onto her face.

“Why are you– were you sitting in the rain?” Gwen asked with concern.

Kitty shrugged. “I mean I was playing in it if thatʼs what you mean.”

“Uh, alright then. I just wanted to pass on a message from Bridgette, Emma told me you were still at school but I didnʼt think she was telling the truth. Anyways, she said to help her keep an eye on Geoff and make sure he dosenʼt get too drunk.” Gwen stated, and tossed Kitty a hankerchief. “By the way, thereʼs a flower petal on your skirt. ” She said as she walked off.

Kitty made a mental note to herself to do that and cleaned her arms and parts of her legs with the hankerchief. Then she went to try and see the petal Gwen had pointed out and sure enough it was stuck to her skirt. Kitty picked it up and it was.. yellow? With blood? There are no flowers out there though, nor did she come across any within the 2 hours. Weird. Kitty brushed it off her hand and got up, she still needed to get back home.

Kitty walked to the bus stop and ran to catch her bus, making it just in time right before the doors shut. She panted heavily, slumping against the bus wall. She checked her phone and saw a missed call from Carrie. Oh shit, what did she miss?

Hastily, Kitty dialed back Carrieʼs number and anxiously waited.

Then Carrie picked up. “Whatʼs up?” Carrie queried.

“Whyʼd you call me earlier?” Kitty replied.

“Oh! Right that. It was just some math homework. Devin helped me! Came to my house.. oh heʼs so dreamy.. Anyway itʼs all good now!” Carrie reassured Kitty, whose smile faded.

Kitty bit her tongue and thought through her words carefully. “Right. You totally need to confess! Like, really bad, I canʼt hear you mope about him anymore!” That part was true. “Anyways! Talk later, I gotta go.” Then Kitty hit hang up before she could even hear Carrieʼs reply.

Kitty wishes she could hate Devin at times like these but thatʼs mean, he didnʼt even do anything.

She kept her phone before it somehow further upset her and shoved it into her pocket, quickly alighting the bus when she realised it was her stop. She dragged herself back home and kicked her shoes off upon arrival, collapsing onto the floor and laying there for a good 5 seconds.

With a grunt, she pushed herself up to her feet and took a seat at her dining table, grabbing a pack of chips and ripping it open.

“Did you take my top?” Emma questioned her, frowning as she always did.

Kitty nodded, chewing obnoxiously loud. 

“Come on Kit I need it! Also, why are you soaked in water?? Are you wearing eyeliner?? Going to a party–”

“Oh my god Emma! I get it– I just want to have a night out! Besides,” Kitty smirked suggestively and wiggled her eyebrow. “You and Courtney can have some alone time.” She giggled.

Emma blushed furiously and folded her arms. “W-whatever! Shut up.. Just donʼt get too intoxicated tonight, I donʼt want to have to end up being your lawyer anytime soon. Maybe get Carrie to supervise you. ”

Kitty rolled her eyes playfully. “Okay, okay.”

Kitty felt some weird itch at the back of her throat. She cleared her throat, two stray petals falling out of her mouth and drifting down into the chip bag. She stared at them in disbelief, pinching herself. No, no this is real. Did she just spit out yellow petals? And they had blood like the one on her skirt earlier?

Emma left before seeing whatever the fuck Kitty just hacked up so she grabbed the petals and crushed them, tossing them into the trash. Kitty had no idea what to think of it, and she would rather not think of it. She ate alot of strange things, maybe on a dare, maybe just for fun but she has never eaten something with a yellow flower in it.

Weird. Too weird. Kitty hopes something didnʼt crawl into her mouth when she slept or something.

Putting whatever worries she had aside, she showered quickly, put on a crop top and a small skirt with safety shorts. Kitty took her comb and brushed her hair, struggling to smooth out several knots. If only Carrie were there to help her brush it. 

Eventually she finished getting ready and spent the rest of her time stalking a few peopleʼs social media feed including both Carrie and Devinʼs.

Finally 11pm rolled around and Kitty sauntered into the party, oh so very grateful for the distraction this party posed. Geoffʼs parties were the best. Everytime, he always managed to get his hands on some booze and on occasion weed. She remembered once Duncan brawled with Sierra after he insulted Cody and ooh the ending was not pretty. Sierra beat the absolute shit out of him! Kitty still has the selfies with them in the background and one with the ambulance that came for Duncan too.

She smiled thinking of it and weaved through the crowd, endlessly saying heyʼs and hiʼs to people as she did. She found the usual karaoke area and decided to sit down for abit and listen to horrible singing. Mickey was going to sing next after Alejandro who was doing surprisingly well.

Kitty listened to his song, one about unrequited love. An upbeat one. She hummed along quietly, with only one person in mind. Kitty feels like sheʼs forgetting something. What was it she had to do again?

Then, she feels her throat itch.. again? Kitty clamped a hand over her mouth and coughed into it, 5 petals shooting in her palm, same as the last. She narrowed her eyes, stuffing them into her pocket and pretending like it didnʼt happen since it really didnʼt seem like that big a deal.

Kitty looked around and spotted Geoff and Brody playing beer pong with some others. Oh right! She was supposed to keep an eye on Geoff!

She got to her feet, about to walk over but a hand grabbed her wrist. Kitty whipped her head around to find a very much red-faced Mickey.

“Uh c-could you–” He stuttered anxiously, but sighed and let her go. “N-nevermind.” He murmured.

Kitty raised an eyebrow but allowed her hand to fall limply at her side, proceeding to head to the beer pong table.

The rest of the night she hung out mostly with Brody and Geoff, briefly the twins along with Alejandro. She most likely broke her promise to Bridgette because she too, got a tiny bit too drunk and then she watched Geoff chug a bunch of beer. Oops? And also Noah got drunk too– she has a selfie with him. Jay passed out, another guy sent to the hospital. Kitty is pretty sure she helped Duncan vandalise... something.. and Alejandro tried sobering her up then Owen came over to talk, so Alejandro went away. After that Kitty, Geoff and Brody broke into a weird abandoned factory, got the cops called on them and DJ bailed all of them out.

So, now Kittyʼs here, posting everything she did today on her account and sitting in a bush like a crazed woman.

She hit post and curled up into a ball, face buried in her knees. It was 4am on a Friday night. She still had more energy but she felt like sitting here for awhile.

Her phone buzzed in her hand a few times, she brought the screen close to her face and squinted at the dm from Carrie, some others from Geoff but just photos from whatever they did.

The message read uh.. “Do you need a ride home?”

Kitty opened it up and replied with a thumbs up aswell as her current location in a bush because she was definitely in no condition to take public transport.

She watched a familiar car pull up and Carrie emegered from it, calling out to Kitty. She got into the backseat of the car and slumped lazily against the chair as Carrie started up the car again.

“Hey Kitty,” Carrie started, she checked the back to make sure Kitty wasnʼt a sleep which she wasnʼt. “Next time, bring me with you. You can take care of me instead,” Carrie chuckled lightly, focusing on the road.

Kitty hummed in acknowledgement, staring out the window. Images of taking care of Carrie flooded into Kittyʼs head, a grin tugging at her lips.

Kitty really wanted that to happen.

Unfortunately, they did arrive back at Kittyʼs house soon enough, and they had to say bye. Kitty fumbled with her keys for a minute before clumsily opening the door and bursting it open. She shut it as quietly as she could which also means she shut it really loudly.

Kitty could feel something building up in her throat again, she rushed to the bathroom and put both hands on her sink, hacking up whatever she could. She opened her eyes, staring at the petals blankly.

She turned on the tap, washing it all down including the blood. It probably wasnʼt anything! Right?

Well whatever. She took another shower, an ice cold one this time and got dressed in pajamas. She would just sleep whatever this was off. 

Tommorow, when she woke up the petals would disappear and she would be fine. 

It would be fine. 

Chapter Text

Kitty lay against Carrieʼs chest, Carrie carding her hands through Kittyʼs hair. Kitty smiled contently, snuggling up to Carrie further and sapping away whatever warmth she could. “I love you you, Kitty.” Carrie muttered affectionately.

Kitty played with the blondeʼs hair. “I really, really love you too, I wish we could stay like this forever.”

“–itty! Kitty!” Kitty woke up abruptly, eyes immediately being assaulted with bright light.

Kitty groaned loudly, squinting up at whoever woke her up who was none other then Emma with Courtney standing beside her.

Emma scoffed. “Get up– itʼs already 2pm!”

“Good afternoon to you too geez.” Kitty snapped. “And seriously? Do you have to make me look this bad infront of Courtney..” She muttered.

Courtney chuckled awkwardly, stepping further away. “I just came to pick up Emma for our date, Iʼll wait outside.”

Kitty thought about her dream, allowing herself to get away from whatever Emma was screeching about, then felt an awfully familiar feeling of something itching at the back of her throat, but only lumpier and a little bit pain. “Wait– I need to throw up,” Kitty stated and jumped off the bed into her bathroom. Emma called out to her about food in the fridge and that she was going out now.

Kitty coughed out alot more petals than before, phlegm and blood splattered all over the sink. It left the metallic taste of blood lingering on her tongue, leaving her to look horrified at what came out of her mouth. 

Yep, something was way too wrong. She washed the sink thoroughly, gargling a few times to get that horrid taste out of her mouth and rushing out. Kitty snatched her phone off her nightstand and threw herself onto the couch.

She opened her phone and searched, “Why am I coughing flowers?”

Kitty scrolled down, avoiding whatever links were irrelevant and her eyes searched for something, anything, desperately. Something finally caught her eye.

She skimmed it, managing to get the gist of it. Apparently whatever she had was fictional and originated from a manga, not so fictional to her. It was called Hanahaki which only happened when you love someone and said love was unrequited. Flowers would grow in your lungs, and after sometime, the roots would seal your lungs and block off any air. In the duration of you having it, you would keep coughing up petals, buds, or even full flowers. The only way to cure it was to confess, and find out if they loved you too and hadnʼt realised it. If they didnʼt, you were simply doomed. If they did then well good news, your cured and now have a partner for life. Problem is Kitty was the doomed part.

Kittyʼs eyes widened, she dropped her phone in an instant and slapped two hands over her mouth, a sudden wave of nausea washing over her. She.. she was going to die? Because of Carrie? Just because she had feelings? No, No this was bullshit! She couldnʼt... Was her hand wet? Did she just start crying?

Kitty brought her knees up to her chest, struggling to breathe as she did. Fuck oh fuck oh fuck. She dosenʼt want to die. She canʼt die.

She felt around the ground for her phone, her hands trembling as her finger reached to press her gallery and access her selfies folder. Kitty trembled, slowly scrolling through her photos. A selfie with Geoff, a selfie with Carrie, a selfie with Alejandro and Duncan, one with Brody. Kitty felt herself slowly relax, her breathing stabilised and she laughed out loud when she recalled all the times she took the photos.

Kitty took a few deep breathes, more than a million thoughts frying her brain each passing moment.

She was dying?? She was dead– was she even alive right now? Kitty pinched herself, feeling pain shoot through her arm. Okay yeah she is alive.

Okay. Okay. What the fuck was she supposed to do now? Accept death? She had no idea.

Kitty bit her bottom lip. To be fair, she had always thought to herself that her love would be the death of her which now was literal. 

Although, despite her illness, she still had awhile left to live. Might as well use the time to the fullest, splurge on unessccary things. Obviously it would take some time for Kitty to make peace with it, realisation that she could do nothing about it or not so for now she would allow herself to feel sad for longer. Kitty rolled off the couch, trudging herself over to the kitchen.

Kitty opened the fridge and her eyes darted around the fridge, spotting the food Emma left. She took it out and licked her lips, it was sandwiches. God was she hungry, the metallic taste on her mouth almost erased her apetitie completely.

Gratefully she bit into the sandwich, and then her phone buzzed against her hand. She sighed and picked it up, a notification from her calender popping up on her screen.

“Ice skating with Carrie in an hour.”

OH SHE TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT. Last week they decided to go out to ice skate, guess it slipped Kittyʼs mind. Well now she felt happier. It was going to be great! Kitty loved ice skating, and she loved Carrie, two things she loved at once!

With newfound energy, Kitty finished up the sandwiches quickly and got ready. She threw on a really cute pastel crop top paired with a white jacket. She also wore some pink shorts and decided for today sheʼd use light pink ribbons instead of her usual vibrant red ones.

In under 30 minutes Kitty was ready to go and she made her way there. Somehow her headache and hangover was gone after abit which was very reassuring, sometimes she wonders if she should just stop drinking altogether but she would miss it.

Kitty hopped off the bus and spotted Carrie already there waiting, however with an unwelcome figure. Big bush of black rooster hair and unfashionable green shirt. Kittyʼs smile faltered a little at the sight of Devin, her speed slowing a little.

“Oh hey your here! I hope you donʼt mind since Devin wanted to join,” Carrie warmly greeted Kitty, Devin nodded at her.

Kitty internally sighed and promised herself to try and have a good time. Try. “Of course! The more the merrier!” She chirped, and stood next to Carrie.

Kitty took out of her phone and snapped a quick selfie, making it a point to capture Devinʼs face hoping it would help her not feel as bitter as she did now by seeing a smile on his face. It was to no avail but worth a shot, she guessed.

The three went into the ice skating rink, Kitty was mostly on her phone on the walk there since Carrie and Devin were talking about some upcoming festival. Carrie practically asked the guy out and all he could say was “Werenʼt we already going togther?” and didnʼt realise she was asking him on a date. Oh come on dude! Kitty would kill to be him. She felt something try to fight itʼs way up her throat, felt like alot this time. She tried to suppress it from coming up and went to the bench to join Carrie and Devin who were already putting on their skates.

Kitty plopped down on the space next to Carrie, Devin on the other side and slipped her skates on with ease. She noticed Carrie was having some trouble with her own, struggling to secure them while Kitty watched in amusement. Kittyʼs lips parted to offer help but Devin beat her to the punch much to Kittyʼs dismay.

“Hey homie, need some help?” Devin queried innocently. Kitty almost physically recoiled at the nickname, it was just so unnatural to her ears. She means, who calls their childhood best friend who was hopelessly in love with them homie?

Carrie blushed a little, very much visible to Kitty but apparently not to Devin. Kitty decided she had no interest in watching whatever they have going on any longer and nudged Carrie lightly. “Have fun, Iʼll go skate first,” She whispered and promptly stood.

She knew she has definitely caused Carrie a little bit of a crisis but having someone third wheel is not the way to get together with your crush, wingman or not. Kitty felt more flowers attempt to escape her body and swallowed nervously, she desperately needed a trash can or something right now but on the ice there was nothing of the sort.

Kitty skated alone, each stride filled with envy and some glee, Kitty did love ice skating. Occasionally she would glance over at Carrie and Devin, which she would regret everytime.

The selfie enthusiast went another round and her head just somehow turned over to Carrie and Devin whose hands were intertwined and they were about to head into the rink, together, linked together. Kitty clearly stared too long because she hit the barrier. 

Kitty yelped in pain, another wince when she fully fell onto the ice. Carrie didnʼt even bat an eye! Kitty pouted, resembling something of a child. 

“Do you need help?” person with a thick spanish accent asked, one person Kitty could only identify as Alejandro.

“Oh Alejandro! Hii!” Kitty said, accepting the hand Alejandro stuck out, offering help.

“Hola. May I ask how you fell? You are usually quite exceptional on ice,” Alejandro inquired, a hand on the barrier.

Kitty sighed. “Ah itʼs nothing. I was just watching my friend and her crush interact.”

Alejandro hummed in understanding. “Thirdwheeling?”

Kitty nodded sadly. “Good luck with that amiga. I should be going now, I have to meet up with Heather.” Alejandro stated and gracefully skated off, even throwing in a few twirls before actually exiting.

Kitty was impressed to say the least, if only he stuck around longer. Now that he was gone though, all she could focus on was Carrie. And Devin. And the petals building up in her throat which has infact just increased.

She followed in Alejandroʼs footsteps and rushed out of the rink and spotted the washroom. Kitty went inside and for teh sake of privacy and so no one would find fucking flowers were blooming inside of her lungs, she went into one of the stalls and threw up all of the petals that she had accumulated from this morning which she was too lazy to clear and the past hour.

Kitty stared at it in horror for a brief second before flushing it all down and getting out of the stall, no, happy day. Good day. She has to remember that.

She cleaned up whatever was left on her and got back into the rink. What did she see when she got back?

Devinʼs arm wrapped around Carrieʼs waist with a firm grip to prevent her from falling and he guided her through it.

Good day. Good day. Kitty repeated the sentence in her head but seriously? All this? Oh why does the universe hate her so.

Kitty ignored the other two the rest of the time they spent there, just enjoying skating and the cold air against her skin. Then unfortunately they had to leave and Kitty was slightly passive-aggressive towards Devin. You canʼt blame her really. Of course, his idiot brain didnʼt even noticed and Carrie was too caught up staring at the way Devinʼs shirt stuck to him so she didnʼt either. At this point Kitty was contemplating whether to just say she needed to head home and buy herself a treat on the way back.

She dismissed those thoughts, trying to stay positive. While they were strolling around the mall, Kitty did manage to have some fun conversations with Carrie like who would win the nippon paint guy or the kool-aid man along with other nonsensical topics. Devin did pitch in but he most of the time he was window shopping.

Kitty felt thirsty all of a sudden and the petals that built up a little was not really helping out. “Anyone up for bubble tea?” She suggested, pointing at a bubble tea shop.

“Why not,” Carrie replied.

“Oh Carrie, you know my order right? Could ya help me out?” Devin asked.

Carrie nodded with a smile. 

Okay, stop rubbing it in Kittyʼs face universe. Seriously cut it out.

So, Kitty and Carrie ordered the drinks while Devin wandered off into a shop and told them to text him when they were moving on. 

“So, any progress?” Kitty finally managed to question.

Carrie nodded vigorously. “Oh yes yes yes! He held my waist when we were ice skating earlier!” She stated happily.

“Oh my gosh!” Kitty exclaimed in fake enthusiasm. “You are doing so good!”

“I know!” Carrie grinned.

Right now? Carrie and Kitty were sitting so close with their shoulders pressed together and knees almost touching. It was normal to Carrie, but it was making Kittyʼs heart race like crazy.

Carrie noticed that. “You okay? Your really red..” Carrie murmured and lifted Kittyʼs wrist, putting her index finger on the part where she could feel the pulse. “Whoa your heart is going so fast,” Carrie remarked.

Kitty cleared her throat nervously, her free hand messing around with a loose strand of hair. “Hah! Itʼs... uh.. nothing,” Kitty stuttered.

Carrie raised an eyebrow but then their drinks were ready. Oh thank gosh. 

But when she came back, she only had two drinks. “Did they forget one?” asked Kitty, confusion written all over her face.

Carrie shook her head and snickered. “Nah, Devin and I always share drinks. Saves money,” Carrie answered as if it were normal.

Kittyʼs eyes widened. “Wow, how are you two not together.” She said in disbelief.

Carrie shrugged. “I wish, like really wish.”

Yes Carrie, Kitty knows that well. Please donʼt remind her.

Kitty also really wishes she were with Carrie. 

Carrie took a sip of the drink and conveniently, Devin emerged from the shop and took the drink from Carrie, proceeding to take a drink from it. 

Kitty pursed her lips, one more second she spends here and she would accidentally lash out. “I–I think Iʼm sick, I should head back. Sorry,” Kitty said in one breath, and left after greeting both of them bye.

Finally Kitty had an escape, her beloved phone which was keeping her away from bad thoughts and making the flowers in her throat feel as if they were gone.

Kitty used an unnecessary amount of force to push the door open and was greeted by Emma and Courtney kissing. 

Way to rub salt in a wound, again. 

“See ya tomorrow,” Courtney said and turned to leave. “Hi Kitty,” She greeted.

“Hey,” Kitty replied and walked past her. Kitty contently drank her bubble tea at the dining table while scrolling through her phone, and for some reason Emma sat across her.

Emma groaned. “Spit it out,” She demanded.

Kitty raised a eyebrow. “No way! This is perfectly good bubble tea I–”

“Not that you idiot! Whatʼs wrong? You never come back from outings this early, 4pm. The minimum is 5. Obviously something happened.” Emma pointed out.

Kitty hates having an observant sister. “Iʼm vaping,” Kitty drawled sarcastically. “I was just tired.”

“Your never tired! I have seen you pull off an all-nighter with zero caffeine and it was just to scroll your phone.” Emma, once again, brought up a very good point.

“Iʼm fine! Itʼs just that I donʼt want to thirdwheel Carrie and Devin.”

“Aha! Thatʼs it! You like one of them donʼt you?” Emma assumed.

Kitty almost choked on her drink. “No way! You know that their definitely not my type!” Kitty protested.

Emma huffed in frustration. “Fine be like that! Just know I will let you vent.” Emma caved and went away.

Kitty rolled her eyes, then her eyes landed on her timetable for the next day. 

Phys Ed. Oh, what a joy for her lungs. It was even with Carrie. 

Well, she is screwed. 

Chapter Text

Kitty walked to school, her head downcast and focused on her phone the whole way there. The more she stared at the screen the more she could avoid reality which was something she would unfortunately have to face, not right now though. Right now the only thing in her head was cute little kittens.. tasty food, she was in an incredibly good mood right now. Last weekʼs phys Ed after the whole Carrie ice skating thing went well, although perhaps her illness worsened since then it would be fine. 

She was smiling and giggling. So happy, especially after she cleared the flowers again and her throat was free of burdens. 

Kitty was watching something really good but someone tapped her on the shoulder so she stopped walking. 

“Uhh.. Kitty you were about to walk into a pillar,” Mickey pointed out, Jay standing abnormally far away from him.

Kitty was indeed about to walk into a pillar which she now noticed with her nose literal centimetres away from touching it. “Oh haha! Oops, thanks for stopping me!” Kitty said awkwardly and took a step back.

“N-no problem,” Mickey stuttered and ran off. Huh. Stange dude.

Then Kitty reluctantly looked up to see her school infront of her. Of course phys ed had to be the very first period, itʼs not going to get Kitty down! She loves it, and she means, how will a few more flowers affect her performance anyways?

She spent the rest of her free time chatting and socialising like she always did before changing and meeting the rest of her class out on the field.

Kitty laughed a little when she found out they were running 10 rounds, piece of cake. She got in position and took off at a good pace immediately. She felt the breeze, blowing her hair and it felt amazing. Kitty took a deep breathe, jogging pretty fast. Some fell behind her and a handful of people infront of her.

Then it happened. 3 rounds in she could feel herself getting more tired then she should be, her breathing becoming faster and more desperate for air. She felt a liquid slowly seep onto her tongue, a metallic taste filling her mouth which she almost grimaced at. A lump formed in her throat.

Why now?? Nononono– Kitty clamped a hand over her mouth and ceased to run any longer, coughing aggressively into her hand.

Her teacher looked at her with concern. “Kitty, are you okay?” Her teacher.

Kitty knew for sure flower petals were resting in her hand, so she just shook her head. “Iʼll excuse you for today,” Her teacher stated, Kitty kept her hand over her mouth but muttered a thanks and hurried over to the bleachers.

She sat on the 2nd highest level, removing her hand which revealed a mess made of blood and petals, and.. flower buds.

Kitty chewed on her bottom lip anxiously, reaching over the last bench and shaking her hand over the grass. 

What she failed to notice was someone elseʼs presence. “Oh wow.” A monotone voice drawled. “Totally didnʼt see that.” Noah continued sarcastically.

Kitty froze and turned her head, smiling awkwardly. “Your confused right? Okay so uh–”

“Nope, not at all. Hana-fucking-haki.” Noah spat out, the venom in his voice not really directed to Kitty.

Kitty raised an eyebrow. “You–huh?” She managed to get out in disbelief.

Noah actually shut his book and turned his body to face her fully. “Your not the only useless sad in love person,” He stated and cleared his throat, a full formed flower without a stem flew out.

Kitty hacked up a few more flowers before replying, suddenly her moodʼs been lifted. The oh so stoic, cynical Noah infected with a disease crafted specifically for the lovey dovey romantics? This, this she needed details about. “I have so many questions butttt!” Kitty snickered mischievously. “Who is it?” She questioned.

Noah sighed, and scrunched his nose. “Perfect, fake, manipulative womaniser.”

She has heard Heather use those exact words on a very tall spaniard. “Alejandro?? You?? Aww thatʼs adorable! Just the other day Alejandro was complaining about how you were beating him in academics!” Kitty exclaimed excitedly, but then realised how horribly she phrased that. “Like, he was happy someone could compete ya know?” Kitty rephrased.

Noah scoffed. “Stupid sexy– I– well who do you like?” Noah swiftly changed the subject.

Kitty huffed in annoyance at his avoidance of the topic but replied anyways. “Carrie,” She said shortly.

“Thatʼs rough. Do you know all the details about it though?” Noah inquired.

Kitty scratched the back of her head. “Well the thing grows and the roots seal your lungs right? Then the way to rid of it is to have your feelings requited right?” She stated.

“Thatʼs the important stuff but thereʼs abit more. First of all, you can cure it another way but itʼs an experimental surgery that has failed before and the once it succeeded the patient lost feelings for their beloved. Also, the flowers represent your belovedʼs feelings towards you.” Noah told her, a few coughs in the process.

Kitty gaped at him. “Who– how did you even find that out??”

Noah shrugged. “Hacked a few illegal hospitalʼs files.”

After a bit of bickering over whether that was morally correct or just how fit Noah was for Alejandro, they finally got back to the topic at hand.

No matter what Kitty complained about, Noah related to it. She wasnʼt sure how her feelings, her thoughts, her misfortunes dealing with hanahaki all came out of her mouth seamlessly, naturally. Seemed Noah had no problem with it either, he complained as much as she did. Maybe it was just refreshing to talk to someone who go it. Someone who understood exactly what the thing happening, and there wasnʼt the need to be on guard and not let something slip.

“Is it just me or do your clothes also get like stained?? I swear– itʼs so annoying!” Kitty whined.

“I know. Laundry is troublesome– how do I even hide a gigantic mass of blood and flowers on my shirt?” Noah complained with a sigh of exasperation.

Kitty groaned loudly. “This sucks.”

Noah hummed in agreement.

Then Kitty had an idea. “What If I helped you confess?” Kitty sugggeted.

Noah almost fell off the bench. “Nope, no way. Never. If I have this goddamn disease it means he dosenʼt like me back, how do I confess with that knowledge??” Noah pointed out.

Kitty rolled her eyes playfully and looked down, back at the field where Alejandro was staring at Noah, unintentionally. “Maybe he does. I mean, he could just not realise it yet,” Kitty said, earning her a skeptical look from Noah.

“If I ever do and get completely embarrassed and die horribly Iʼm blaming you,” Noah stated bluntly. Kitty giggled.

“Confessing isnʼt too hard! Trust me, youʼll have confessed to him by.. before.. uh..” Kitty trailed off.

Noah raised an eyebrow. “You should try it then.”

Kitty pouted. “Thatʼs different, she already has a crush.”

“Whose to say Alejandro dosenʼt too then?”

“Give me a break!”

Before Kitty knew it phys ed ended and she had to go on with her day.

Well, she just needed to get flowers out of her throat. Kitty immediately sprinted off to the bathroom, the lump of blood, petals and phlegm threatening to come out of her mouth anytime. She went into the stall, locking the door behind her and leaned over the toilet, allowing herself to start up a coughing fit.

Kitty watched red, hot blood spilled into the toilet along with yellow petals.. and flowers buds. 

Flower buds. Holy shit flower buds. The disease progressed and she was dead. Dying. Not like she didnʼt already know though but this made it more real.

Kitty dropped down onto the ground, hugging her legs to her chest and staring blankly at the tiled floor. Kittyʼs throat still burned, it felt sore. She wished Carrie was here, talking to her and rambling. No matter how much emotional or physical pain she was in, Carrie could make it disappear for awhile. That was the thing though. She couldnʼt tell Carrie, could she? Carrie wasnʼt an idiot. She knows Kitty would tell her who it was knowing Kittyʼs positive attitude towards love but if Kitty didnʼt she would know something was up and put two and two together.

Kitty forced herself not to cry right now, thinking about everything. She still had an entire day of school to get through.

She managed to drag herself out of the stall and to the mirror and sinks, blood stained her lips and some of it on her clothes. Kitty cleaned herself up, ensuring no traces were left except for the blood on her clothes which were already red anyways, it looked natural enough.

Kitty went to her next class, and the next, till the end of the school day. She tried thinking about anything else, unfortunately she was right next to Carrie for maths so it was not easy. 

“Hey, lend me an eraser?” Carrie requested.

Kitty silently passed her an eraser, and their fingers touched for a brief second which sent a chill through Kitty. A good one.

Kitty played messed sround with her worksheet by doodling on it, mostly tuning out her math teacherʼs dronings as she did. Her hand moved on itʼs own absentmindedly, drawing a circle then some hair. Then eyes. Then lips.

“Is that me?” Carrieʼs voice scared Kitty out of the zone and caused her to jump back slightly. Did Carrie just ask.. oh. Kitty drew Carrie.

Fuck. “Uhh– I– yes?” Kitty replied as nonchalantly as she could.

Carrieʼs cheeks tinted with red a little, looking at the little doodle. “It looks nice.” She commented. Kitty smiled. “Wonder what Devin would say..” She added in a low voice a few seconds later, and then Kittyʼs smile faded.

Kitty sighed, going back to absentminded doodling. She didnʼt bother erasing her Carrie doodle though, Carrie liked it anyways and it was cute. 

She heard the bell sound, indicating the end of the day. Kitty practically swept everything off the table and stuffed it all into her bag, spit out a quick goodbye to the teacher and walked out along with several of her other classmates.

She did have to stay longer, she had a clubs to participate in. She was working on the school paper and for her she had to take photos, apparently her selfie approach of capturing whatever was happening worked so yeah. The teachers kept complaining about the fact their club only focused on the sports and arts and now they were being forced to focus on other clubs. You really canʼt blame them for being biased to the sports, people like people like Tyler, Alejandro, Jo all of the hot people. Well Jo not so much to Kitty but some people found her attractive. Oh, and the visual performing arts too. Heather,Jose and Jacques and alot more popular people took part in them. 

Kitty sauntered into the club room, tossing her bag on a nearby chair carelessly and approaching her friends. Gwen was already here, Zoey.. Tom and Jen and Cameron. Gwen was actually in two clubs, but she really didnʼt seem to have any trouble.

“Hey! Sooo! Anyone know what weʼre going to document today?” Kitty asked, plopping into the seat next to Zoey.

“Well we were thinking of today the cosplay club, Cam and I was going to cover the theatre kids, Tom and Jen on dance. Gwenʼs covering all of the interesting stuff that happened this week in general. ” Zoey said.

Gwen nodded. “Uh yeah, I was going to do all of the writing and stuff so Kitty can you do the cosplayers? Zoey and Cam said they wanted to see Mike and those two refuse to do cosplay because they said itʼs atrocious to fashion.”

Kitty pulled a face and sighed. “Fine,” She yielded, dragging out the e.

Gwen smiled.

Kitty got up first and exited the place, she loved getting to write about the interesting stuff that happened each week. Especially the gossip but she got stuck with this thing. It would only take up like half a page! Kitty sulked silently all the way there and entered the cosplay room.

Who was in here again? Cody, Harold, Mickey, Jay... Leonard and Tammy.. Wasnʼt Shawn supposed to be here?

“Kitty..! Whatʼre you doing here?” Mickey asked, in some sort of cosplay with a cape and sword.

Kitty held up her phone. “Photos! For the paper! Anything interesting happening here?”

Harold walked over. “As a matter of fact, yes. My fair maiden Leshawna agreed to cosplay a princess, a damsel in distress! Weʼre preparing to do a performance for the school!”

Kitty wondered why theatre and cosplay wasnʼt just one club altogether but to be fair, the theatre kidʼs sang and acted. Cosplay really only portrayed what happened in games or a diffrent interpretation. Either way, this was something she could work with. “Ooh great! Could you guys rehearse like right now? Iʼll get some photos!” Kitty exclaimed.

Everyone happily agreed to it. Leshawna looked at Kitty as if regretting her life choices but didnʼt say anything, Kitty told herself not to take any photos with Leshawna since she would probably hate that.

“You wicked bandits!” Harold shouted.

Cody said something in response to that but Kitty was too caught up in taking photos. As they rehearsed she took three photos. Two of just them and one selfie with Harold fending off an “attack” from Leonard.

Kitty decided to look through the photos while they got through the rest of it and took a seat. They made Mickey die during the thing, so Jay trying to get vengeance would make sense.

Mickey walked up to Kitty, sweat running down his forehead and his hands clammy. Kitty looked down at him, pretty puzzled. “D-do you want.. t-to go out with me?” Mickey stuttered nervously.

Kitty kids you not she almost dropped her beloved phone on the ground. Go out? Mickey? What? She couldnʼt break Mickeyʼs heart! What was she meant to do right now?

Kitty was bisexual. She was more lesbian to be honest but she could be attracted to guys. Mickey was sweet. Kitty could. She could. Just maybe, this is how she could get over Carrie.

Then her disease would be gone.

“Sure!” 

Chapter Text

Kitty anxiously sped past the various houses. What was she thinking?? Accepting a confession from Mickey, whenever she had hanahaki, which by the way wasnʼt for him! Sure, she was bisexual, and maybe that counted for something but she really thought somehow she could use Mickey as a solution?? Maybe she was driving herself crazy.

Kitty hoped that somehow this solution worked. At the very least she would try and have a good time with Mickey, and make sure he has a good time to. Kitty owed him thst much since she agreed.

Actually after she went back to the club and was given some free time earlier, everything suddenly made sense. Why Mickey acted so nervous, like, more nervous around her. Reminded her of herself when she first found out about her feelings for Kitty, although she was much more subtle thsn he was. Not dissing him though.

All that aside, she figured since he promised Mickey a date she would text first, him making the first move after all. She flung the doors open and narrowly avoided the table she has stubbed her toe on one too many times and took out her phone to text Mickey.

To Mickey😆 : Hey! So got any ideas for our date?

From Mickey😆 : We could go to uh lunch? I could meet up with you at the place across school at 2 tommorow 

To Mickey😆 : Ofc is like Jay coming or anything

From Mickey😆 : Not this time he has a really bad rash

Kitty had no response to that so she sent a gif of a cat doing an ok sign. Sweet that Mickey trusted and liked her enough to be alone with her without Jay around though he really shouldnʼt because Kitty felt horrible for thinking of using him as a rebound. So, 2 tommorow? That works. The place across their school was thankfully cheap and they had milkshakes.

She scrolled through her social media feed again, seeing a post with Noah, Alejandro, Heather and Gwen at karaoke. Like. Poor Noah must have been suffering alot. Kitty knows Alejandro is killer at Karaoke. A post with Duncan, Geoff, Dj at a club while Duncan gets hit on, Geoff is doing whatever and Dj taking the selfie. Then a post with Carrie. And Devin. Stare. Kitty stares. Her fingers are hovering over the like button but she dosenʼt. Because sheʼs bitter goddammit! The petals and buds which she has refused to clear for a few hours are not helping. Even after sheʼd agreed to a date with a very sweet guy she still canʼt like ONE post. Singular. Gosh.

Kitty heard the front door unlock, and a few footsteps. That could only mean Emma was back, but since there was no chatter Courtney probably wasnʼt here. Wow Kitty is so smart! (She knows any idiot could figure that out, let her have this)

She scrolled past the post without leaving any likes or comments. The more she dwells on it the more sheʼll drive herself crazy. Actually she should go clear the flowers before she spits them into her dinner.

Kitty hopped off the couch and hurriedly made her way to the bathroom, ensuring to lock the door behind her. She hunched over the toilet bowl, starting hack up everything that had gathered. Petals flew past her lips, buds falling straight down into the toilet and blood dripping out of her mouth. The taste of blood caused her to grimace, collapsing onto the ground pathetically while blood stained her clothes. She hated this.

Why is she being punished for loving someone? It itself was already punishment itself, considering Carrie didnʼt return her feelings, and still the disease added on and constantly reminded of her of that. Her throat burned, she was positive the flowers damaged it more than it should have. Maybe this was simply her mental torture being turned physical, that constant burning pain that would never leave.

Kitty chuckled sadly and forced herself up to her feet and washed her mouth. She really couldnʼt be bothered to clean the shirt, not like it would matter anyway once this shitty disease claimed her life.

Maybe she should text Noah. She never even got how his feelings werenʼt requited, Alejandro was witty enough to keep up with Noah, they were the top scorers of this year and academic rivals. They get really close when they argue, they have alot of tension. Long story short, Noah honestly has a shot at living a long happy life with Alejandro. So he should confess. Which makes Kitty sound like a complete hypocrite.

She sighed and opened the door, shutting it behind her as she went to raid the fridge.

Later, she settled into bed and tossed and turn. Everything hurt. Why does everything hurt? Kitty should just get drunk– no no no no! Sheʼs becoming negative! Be positive Kitty! She screwed her eyes shut tightly, please just let her go to bed peacefully.

She did not get a good nightʼs sleep.

Kitty constantly woke up, scrambled to the bathroom and changed her pajamas THRICE. Her eye was twitching too.

For the better half of the night she slept, but only a blissful half an hour of uninterrupted sleep. She has done that before, not getting enough sleep and all.  She functioned perfectly fine but she is tired mentally now so she couldnʼt exactly be fine like that again.

Regardless today was a holiday, thank the heavens. She could not deal with school, especially not Mr McLean, he assigns so much homework that Kitty could swim in it.

She did have her date with Mickey later. She slept in to 11am, managing to get an extta 2 hours of sleep. Kitty went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. 

“You are not eating a chocolate bar for breakfast again.” Emma stated. Kitty jumped back in shock.

“Donʼt scare me like that! Jesus christ..” Kitty huffed and to her dismay Emma closed the fridge. “Then what am I gonna eat?”

Emma shrugged. “I would suggest cooking but we havenʼt gotten any groceries, plus mom and dad are still in China for bussines. I could order something?”

“For free?”

Emma sighed. “Fine. What do you want?”

Kitty gave it a secondʼs thought before responding. “You know that coffee shop with the butter sugar toast? Can we get that?” Kitty suggested.

“Not healthy but better then a chocolate bar I guess.” Emma replied and handed Kitty her phone.

Kitty got herself butter sugar toast, a half boiled egg, banana cake and a large coffee. Sheʼd been neglecting food for awhile to be completely honest, the only things she ate yesterday was like half a donut Zoey gave her and some rice with egg.

After ordering Kitty promptly rushed off to the bathroom again because she had more petals to cough out. When the food came, she and Emma sat infront of the television silently eating.

“I saw blood.. on your clothes.” Emma muttered halfway through the drama episode.

Kitty froze. “And?”

Emma looked at her with concern. “Are people bullying you or something? Are you getting into fights?”

“What? No! Obviously not!” Kitty protested.

“Then why is there blood on your clothes??” Emma snapped.

Kitty snorted. “Oh because Iʼm in a secret underground brawlng society! I just got a cut and didnʼt wrap it properly.”

“Then show me the cut.”

“Why donʼt you trust me?” Kitty scoffed, Emma was right and she couldnʼt know that. Mostly because of the disease but honestly Kitty just wants her to admit she was wrong for once and this just happens to be the perfect opportunity to do so.

Emma rolled her eyes. “If you do have a cut I can help you! Or do you not have one?”

“... Itʼs gone now.”

“We both know thatʼs not true, Kitty.”

“Can we just eat in peace??” Kitty retorted.

Emma made an angry noise but dropped the topic. Yeah Kitty has to be more cautious or Emmaʼs going to find something out.

After her breakfast Kitty spent the rest of the day scrolling her phone, panicked choosing an outfit, put on some light makeup and lastly got on the train to meet Mickey. She decided on a casual fit. Red crop top and white parachute pants. 

While she was on the way, a song about comphet started playing. That was when Kitty started having a sexuality crisis, again. 

She has never been attracted to a guy the closet was that one bartender.. who was just a masculine woman. She just figured she never really met the right one because Kitty finds Guys hot sure, but not the I want to kiss him kind of hot. Just aesthetically pleasing. The thing is she has had crushes on two women, the first being her very short lived crush on her past classmate who was fucking hot and had abs. The second being, well, Carrie.

Is she even Bisexual? Is she conning Mickey at this point? God.

Before Kitty managed to self destruct any more she was already standing outside the place. Mickey was already in one of the booths.

Kitty slid into the seat across him. “Hey!” She grinned.

Mickey went red immediately. Damn. “H-Hi,” He stuttered. “Do we split the bill?” He asked.

“Hmm sure. Why not?” Kitty shrugged and picked up the menu.

Mickey nodded. “S-so what do you like?” Mickey queried after the ordered their food.

“I mean I love selfies!” Kitty stated with enthusiasm and snapped a quick selfie with her and Mickey. “Ooh and I also go to the beach often! I guess I like swimming? And Manhwa, Kdramas! You?” She continued.

“I like drawing.. Did you say Kdramas?? Which do you watch??” Mickey questioned eagerly.

Kitty chuckled. Mickey usually wasnʼt this energetic, nice to see this side of him. “Oh have you watched that really good one? The– ugh I forgot name!” Kitty groaned.

“Just describe it!” Mickey suggested.

“The uh– the girl wait I got the name! Twenty five twenty one? Oh and Crash course in romance??” Kitty exclaimed.

Mickeyʼs face visibly lit up. “I love those!”

Kitty gasped. “No way!”

While they waited, they just discussed the kdrama. Mickey agreed with everything out of Kittyʼs mouth, from her opinions on the characters except for one and such. Kitty was smiling the entire time until their food came and they moved on.

“Play any games?” Kitty asked.

Mickey shook his head. “Not really.” Then he stuffed fried messily into his mouth and took a big bite of the juciy burger he got.

Kitty for the most part was enjoying her meal excluding the pain and soreness whenever she swallowed something as a result of the wounds the flowers created. 

When Mickru started ranting about his interests, his speech muffled by a moutful of food and him looking over the moon Kitty thought something.

Heʼs cute,

like a little brother. 

So.

It hit Kitty like a fucking truck, she hadnʼt even been actively thinking about him. It came to her subconsciously.

Fuck. She wasnʼt even bisexual was she?

Kitty swallowed her food, and listened to Mickey.

She hates that she has to tell him everything. 

“I-I really enjoyed today!” Mickey grinned a toothy grin.

Kitty hummed in agreement, but gulped nervously. “I did too! but I uh.. I donʼt think I really like you like that, Iʼm sorry Mickey. I really see you as a little brother and good friend, I would understand if you.. didnʼt want to to talk to me any longer though.” Kitty admitted in a low voice.

Mickeyʼs face dropped and he sighed. “No I think I just need some time but I really want to keep being friends with you.”

Kitty smiled sadly, and chuckled. “Thatʼs really good.”

After that they both left. 

Kitty bit her lip, and stared blankly at her list of contacts.

She called Noah. 

Chapter Text

Yes, Noah and Kitty were sitting in the middle of fucking nowhere near a river on a grassy plain. At 12 fucking am.

Why?

After Kittyʼs crisis, she called Noah but Noah wasnʼt free for the whole day. So he suggested meeting up in the dead of the night. You already know Kittyʼs reply. Before meeting up with him she met up with Geoff, Brody and Bridgette to go to an escape room and then dinner before they all left. She ate less than usual at dinner because her throat protested whenever she tried shoving food down it.

God, she hated this. If she didnʼt remove the flowers for long enough sometimes her chest hurt whenever she tried to breathe, which fucking sucked. She was being alot more angry and pissy right now, but can you blame her? Not like anyone would care in the middle of the night anyways.

Noah reached for his bottle of soda and hesitated bringing it to his lips. Kitty canʼt imagine how bad he has it, heʼs already spitting out flowers. She just hopes she wonʼt see a full flower, stem and all fall out of his throat anytime soon. She dosenʼt think she could survive alone if that happened. 

Once they actually met up, she ranted about her “date” to him about Carrie for like 50 minutes straight before everything was out of her system. 

“Howʼs your progress with Alejandro?”Kitty queried, though she probably knew what was coming next because of Noahʼs refusal to try and like, do something.

“Bad. None. Iʼm not really trying anymore.” Noah replied bluntly, sipped slowly on the soda and winced as it went down his throat.

Kitty sighed. “You should really do something. I swear, you two have chemistry!” Kitty exclaimed,

“Please. Fat chance.” Noah scoffed. “Iʼd rather die with dignity.”

“You know I never asked, how far along are you?” Kitty replied.

Noah winced a second time, and muttered something so soft and so fast that it was incomprehensible. “Huh?” Kitty said cluelessly.

“Five and a half months,” Noah murmured.

Kitty gaped at him. “FIVE? GODDAMN.”

“Itʼs not a big deal really. I mean, Iʼm still alive anyways.” Noah shrugged disnissively.

“Barely! ”

“Yeah well your not doing any better.”

Kitty stuck her tongue out at him.

Noahʼs phone and his loud, default ringtone suddenly filled the air and made the two of them jump back a little.

Kitty snatched the phone up before Noah could get to it.

Alejandro. 

She promptly answered and shoved the phone into Noahʼs hands.

“What the–”

“Hola, I didnʼt think youʼd actually pick up amigo.” Alejandro greeted, he sounded like he just got up which he probably did.

Noahʼs eyes widened. “I– uh yeah.”

Kitty stifled a giggle. “Uh, why uh– why are you calling?” Noah inquired.

Alejandro yawned over the call. “I cannot sleep. I know we have a– competitive relationship but would you like to study together? I know it is a strange request, especially at this time of night, however, we do have several tests coming up.”

Noah almost dropped the phone. “Sure i guess? I doubt you will be able to score higher than me this time though– wait are you trying to make me tired so I donʼt perform well tommorow?”

“Why so skeptical of my intentions? And we shall see about that, we tied last time.” Alejandro chuckled.

Noah scoffed. “Whatever. Where do I meet you?”

“We can go to the library, I know one that is open all night. I can text you the address.”

“Kay. See you there casanova.” Noah replied, and the call ended.

Kitty was deviously smirking at him. “Score! A date!”

“Itʼs just studying,” Noah dismissed her and gathered whatever food was still on the grass and threw it away before returning.

“No itʼs not! Who asks their rival to study at 12am in the middle of the night?” Kitty pointed out.

Noah stayed silent.

“Seriously youʼre not even going to– argh whatever! Just go and get yourself a boyfriend!” Kitty grinned.

“Not a date!” Noah said, but he added “Although Iʼd like it to be,” as an after thought.

After he left, now Kitty felt like calling Kitty spontaneously. She tossed her garbage away and started walking to...uh..where was she going?

Ooh! A party! Unfortunately Geoff wasnʼt hosting one but Emmaʼs friend was which she really only found out because she somehow got Emma to send her the details should she want to go and now she did.

Kitty got a cab to the place and burst through the doors, brimming with energy after having a nasty coughing fit and hacking up flowers into a bush nearby.

She wandered around, mingling with various people. There was this girl named Anne maria which she got along with very, very well. They exchanged makeup tips Anne maria on how to make the makeup look bolder and Kitty on how to make it look more subtle. Kitty wondered how Anne mariaʼs hair remained somewhat undamaged, considering all the hairspray. They actually got each otherʼs contacts too.

Then Kitty went deeper into the party. She ran into the chugging contest where she beat a guy named Spud in the beer chugging competition, accidentally yanked a wig off someoneʼs head and played spin the bottle where she witnessed a very violent make out session from two of the other people there. After that she ran into a girl named Jose, she was pretty bitchy but her and Kitty gossiped about people there for abit. Jose gave her a few fashion tips and so did her best friends Jacques before someone spilled a drink on the two of them and they stormed out feeling disgusted.

God, Kitty forgot how much fun this was. 

She was positive that atleast 5 other houses could hear the very loud music emitting from the speakers but luckily the cops havenʼt come and hopefully will not come at all.

Kitty stumbled along the place, fairly intoxicated and feeling better than she had in the past few days. 

Then she saw a very beautiful girl. Wavy blonde, shiny and she imagined silky, hair with bright blue doe eyes. Her lips looked really red and glossy. She was wearing a white crop top and jeans.

Kitty no longer had much strength to stand though, so she sat down on the sofa and allowed herself to try and see things clearly again. Didnʼt work well but honestly nothing would have helped anyways– maybe a few shots of espresso but this house didnʼt have a coffee machine.

That really gorgeous girl from earlier sat next to her. 

"Hey, caught you checking me out early.” The girl started. “Iʼm Cassie. You?”

Kitty smiled. “Kitty.”

Up close, Kitty realised just why she likes this stranger so much.

Carrie, Cassie. Blonde hair. The only difference was their eye colour. 

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, you remind me of my... crush.” Kitty murmured.

Cassie sighed. “Canʼt say Iʼm much better. You remind me of my ex.”

“What was your exʼs name?”Kitty queried. Now she was a little invested.

“Katie.”

“Huh. My crushʼs name is Carrie.” Kitty replied.

Cassie scooted abit closer and placed her hand atop Kittyʼs. Kitty kind of liked it, but her hands were a little too veiny to be Carrieʼs. Kitty could tell. Her hair a little bit longer than Carrieʼs too, barely noticeable but Kitty noticed.

“If you were up for it..” Cassie bit her lip. “We could help each other out?”

Kitty looked at her. Well, for one she was drunk. This was a tempting offer. Honestly Kitty just needed her age.

“How old are you?” Kitty asked and intertwined their fingers together.

“Mmm, seventeen.” Cassie said.

Kitty chuckled a little. “Same. Sure, what the heck? Even if for one night.”

Kitty placed a hand around around Cassieʼs waist, quickly surging forward and slamming their lips together eagerly. Cassie reciprocated desperately and untied Kittyʼs hair, allowing it to flow freely as she entangled a hand in it while her other hand stayed around Kittyʼs neck. Kitty glided her tongue againstʼs Cassieʼs lips which the latter allowed to enter. Kitty made a soft noise. Kitty tugged lightly at Cassieʼs waist which the blonde didnʼt mind so Kitty took that as consent to pull her onto her lap.

Kitty pulled apart for air. 

“Your good.” Cassie commented.

“Really?”

“Yeah, honestly Iʼm surprised your not already with your crush.” Cassie remarked absentmindedly.

Kitty sighed. “Itʼs complicated.”

“We can continue. Also Iʼm fine with.. anything. Do you have like boundaries?” Cassie checked.

“Nope. Canʼt think of anything.” Kitty replied and popped the p.

Cassie pressed their lips together, hands messing around with Kittyʼs bra strap under her shirt but not really trying to undo it. Kitty started to pepper kisses down Cassieʼs jawline, then her neck before sinking her teeth into the skin. Cassie groaned and kissed Kitty again. Cassie pulled away, and looked Kitty in the eye. Kitty looked back.

The two burst into laughter. 

“Oh weʼre so down bad that we had to resort to this..” Kitty managed to say. She really was imagining Carrie the whole time, but she could tell the slight differences. 

Cassie laughed. “Tell me about it.”

“We should probably stop before we do something we regret,” Kitty stated and Cassie slid smoothly off her lap.

“I feel so pathetic right now,” Cassie muttered.

“Weʼre pathetic together.” Kitty smirked sadly. “Sorry about the uhh..”

“Oh itʼs fine, guess iʼll just wear a turtleneck.” Cassie assured her.

Kitty nodded. “I think Iʼll head home, Iʼm like super drunk and we both I think have school tommorow.”

Cassie hummed in agreement and got up. “Nice to meet you Kitty. Maybe weʼll meet again,” She said before walking off.

Kitty just got a few more drinks before leaving and taking the bus home because she was broke. She got a few looks from concerned or grossed-out people that thought she was going to throw up. Kitty realised that she was quite literally going to throw up both the contents of her stomach and petals and buds if she didnʼt get off this shaky, fast-moving bus in the span of 20 minutes. Atleast she was almost home already.

Today just made her realise how down fucking bad she was for Carrie. She just wanted to have one chance and treat her with utmost care and love, shower her with lavish gifts and kiss all her flaws and insecurities. She stared at Carrieʼs contact, her heart screaming at her to call and confess her feelings or she might explode but whatever logic was left in her brain knew that ultimately it would just make everything worse and she would lose both Carrie and her life.

She managed to get off the bus safely, a miracle really, and banged the door loudly. Her phone was dead because she used it the whole ride home and she left her keys inside which in hindsight was a horrible idea. If Emma wasnʼt awake, she was most definitely screwed.

After about like 2 minutes straight of loud knocking, Kitty put her back to the wooden door of the apartment and sunk to the ground hopelessly. Did she really have to spend the entire night here? She was drunk and was probably going to have a horrible hangover tommorow in school which was going to be hell. Ontop of that she has a math test, and a geography test.

Kitty pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them. 

“Miss?”

Kitty looked up and saw her neighbour staring down at her. He was a kind guy, a little bit noisy sometimes though. Oh. How embarrassing. It wasnʼt too bad compared to her current situation though.

“Sorry I just got locked out. Donʼt mind me.” Kitty said.

“I canʼt just leave you out here. Thatʼs a douche bag move.” He stated and took out his phone. “You can use this.” He handed her the phone.

“O-oh really? Thank you so much oh my gosh okay!” Kitty exclaimed gratefully and dialed Emmaʼs number.

First time she didnʼt pick up. Shoot, Emma usually has her phone on silent. Maybe tonightʼs an exception?

Second time, nothing. 

And again. 

Then again. 

Kitty huffed frustratedly. She only knew two other peopleʼs number. Geoff, but earlier she saw on his story he was at Bridgetteʼs along with Brody. Not an option, which meant Brody was out too.

There was another person. 

A girl.

Wow, the universe really does despise her huh?

Kitty put Carrieʼs number into the guyʼs phone.

First ring, nothing.

Second, nothing.

Then on the third the line connected.

“Hi who is–”

“Uhh, hi itʼs Kitty. I–Iʼm a little drunk,” Kitty slurred. “Can I... crash at yours?”

“Oh of course! Why would you get drunk on a school night? Really Kitty you are a handful.” Carrie said fondly.

Kitty managed to laugh. “I really am. Iʼll see you in abit, thanks so much. Hugs and kisses.” She thanked her quickly and hung up.

The guy took his phone back. “You have a nice girlfriend,” He noted.

“Oh no weʼre not a couple..” Kitty murmured. “Thanks for letting me use your phone.”

“No problem.” The guy said and went into his house.

Kitty could take the train this time. It was somewhat better than the bus, less rocking and all but it was still kind of bad. Also she had to somehow get these petals out of her without Carrie seeing which probably wouldnʼt be easy. Regardless she was just glad not to sleep on the cold hard ground.

Eventually she was on Carrieʼs doorstep and got let in.

Carrie sat her down and provided her warm water.

“You need to stop doing this,” Carrie sighed.

“I know, I know.” Kitty chugged the water which soothed her throat. Drinking with several wounds in your throat was a horrible idea.

Kitty slapped a hand over her mouth and rushed to the bathroom, Carrie followed her.

Kitty hunched over the toilet bowl and threw up while Kitty held her hair back, dry heaving over the toilet bowl for a few seconds.

Carrie shut the toilet bowl and flushed it. Kitty assumed whatever petals and buds got stuck got mixed up with the vomit which was kind of gross. 

Kitty washed her mouth.

“Hmm, iʼll get you some pajamas.” Carrie stated and stalked off to her room and returned with really adorable pajamas.

Kitty changed into them and wanted to go to bed. 

“Hey– maybe I should comb your hair first.” Carrie suggested. “It looks like a ratʼs nest.” She teased.

Kitty couldnʼt help the warmth in her stomach, and god she wanted to kiss Carrie right now. “I could use the help,” Kitty giggled.

Kitty sat down infront of Carrieʼs couch and Carrie sat on the couch. Kitty sat in between Carrieʼs legs while a comfortable silence filled the air, the only sounds being the quiet whirring of fans and the brush whenever it got caught in knots.

Sitting in between your best friendʼs legs at 2am was normal.

Yeah. 

Kitty was calm, her eyes gently shut. 

Carrie stopped once she determined all the knots were out. 

Kitty looked up at her and met her eyes. They looked.. mesmerising. Tender.

“We should head to bed,” Carrie smiled warmly.

Kitty hummed and allowed Carrie to lead her to the bed. Naturally, they shared the bed. Theyʼve done it before, at sleepovers. It was normal, but at those sleepovers Kittyʼs face was always red.

Thank gosh she was too drunk to think. The only thoughts she had were scenarios with Carrie. 

Carrie collapsed into the bed, Kitty followed suit.

The two drifted to sleep, and Kitty didnʼt even have to get up to hack up flowers that night.

Her hangover was going to be a total bitch though. 

Chapter Text

Kitty slowly opened her eyes, she immediately felt the immediate effect of the hangover. Her head felt like it would split open. Other then that she felt pretty okay... ah fuck. The flowers. This is stupid. Hopefully Carrie wasnʼt awake so she could choke out petals and blood to her heartʼs content.

Kitty blinked a few times, her vision slowly started coming together instead of it being a horrid blur which made her headache worse. It was still dark out, but Kitty could see a bit of sunlight. Maybe it was 6 something, she wasnʼt sure.

She glanced to the side and saw Carrie facing the other direction with little to no movement. Good, she was still asleep. Kitty quietly placed her feet on the ground and tiptoed as silently as she could to the bathroom. Once there, Kitty shut the door and let out a breath she didnʼt know she was holding as loose petals and buds began flowing out of her mouth accompanied by heavy, hot blood.

Kitty felt tears well up in her eyes and they roughly rubbed against her throat. She winced as what was presumably the last petal to fall out of her mouth and immediately, her legs gave way and she fell flat on the ground. She held back whatever tears were threatening to form in her eyes. Kitty tried her best to calm herself, her hand on the sink.

“Kitty?”

And that was Kittyʼs cue to hurry and actually gather herself.

She pulled herself up and washed up whatever remnants was left on her mouth and cleaned up the tears before opening the door. Her head was still killing her so the loud sound when she burst the door open made her groan almost instantly. Carrie chuckled. “You really shouldnʼt get drunk a night before school,” She remarked.

“I mean I had a good time atleast,” Kitty uttered a quick reply.

Carrie hummed. “You should go back home, Iʼm assuming Emmaʼs already awake.”

“Oh she definitely is! Thanks for letting me crash here, your a lifesaver!” Kitty grinned.

“No problem.” Carrie replied nonchalantly before turning her heels in the direction of her bedroom. “You can keep the pajamas by the way,” Carrie added.

Kitty nodded and she internally screamed. Had she actually screamed glass would have been broken. Carrieʼs pajamas?? Hers?? Holy shit this felt amazing. Kitty felt heat spread rapidly across her cheeks, she quickly got out of Carrieʼs house and got herself a cab because no, she was not going onto the bus with a sweaty bag of clothes and in pajamas. She really didnʼt want to reuse last nightʼs clothes. Kitty did manage to get Emma to venmo her the cab fee as compensation for essentially locking her out, although it was mostly Kittyʼs fault.

Luckily she got home safe and sound. She cleaned herself up and got ready for school despite the strong temptation to just call on sick. Admittedly, she was no stranger to forging signatures so if she really wanted she could just forge a parental note excusing herself. 

“You look like shit,” Duncan commented quite literally the moment he saw Kitty.

Kitty managed a snicker. “Yeah no shit sherlock. Donʼt get drunk before school kids,” She responded.

“Oof. Usually you donʼt get tha.. Actually nah, you do. Good luck man, your going to need it.” Duncan said, a smirk plastered on his face.

“Thanks?”

Kitty was not going to have a peaceful day today, was she?

Well, aside from the fact she's was going out shopping with Carrie later. Then again the flowers may act up and ruin any appetite that Kitty still has.

Kitty head to class, and let her bags fall to the ground with a loud thud and falling straight into her seat. Jenʼs face contorted into something of disgust. Nose scrunched, bottom lip swallowed and eyes narrowed. 

“What?” Kitty prompted.

Jen briefly pursed her lips before answering. “You.. what is that outfit?? And your hair...! Have I taught you nothing???” Jen near shrieked hysterically.

Kitty looked down at her clothes. 

Horrible colour combo on her part. Brown top and orange pants which in hindsight  was a very, very bad decision because they were bright orange. Her hair was a ratʼs nest if she was being real, it was greasy and pretty messy. She was pretty sure some of the eyeliner she didnʼt manage to take out was still there.

Kitty felt disappointed in HERSELF. If she was going to die sheʼd rather people remember her a pretty person then a disaster.

Kitty let out a long groan. “Iʼm sorry Jen! I completely neglected my shit oh my gosh Iʼm disappointed in myself too,” She replied.

Jen sighed. “Whatever. Atleast the hair can be combed.”

“Ah... yeah,” Kitty muttered. Kitty yanked her comb out of her bag and started to quickly comb through all of the knots. If she was quick enough she could finish before the teacher came in.

And she did. Now she looked.. better... ish?

Maybe she should change before that outing with Carrie. 

Oh well. 

Kitty tried her best to pay attention, which she managed for three quarters of the class in an attempt to take her mind off everything before zoning out again. Not to mention she could feel her throat getting more clogged and painful by the minute, she shivered even thinking about her throat bleeding. 

She made it through class though! Kitty silently praised herself before scurrying away to the bathroom and throwing the stupid petals and the even stupider flower buds out her mouth. They were growing in numbers and intensity. This was not good. Kitty just stared at the clots of blood and phlegm that went out along with the flowers, it was so ugly.

Fuck. Why her?

Kitty closed the toilet seat and held the flush button for a long time. She washed her hands and got out of the bathroom.

She just hoped she could stick it out for awhile longer. 

Kitty blinked wearily up at the girl who had just woken her up. That girl happened to be Carrie.

“Wake up! Come on, remember? We wanted to go see that movie?” Carrie snapped her fingers infront of Kittyʼs face.

“Oh yeah! Sorry, I was just a little tired!” Kitty giggled joyfully.

Carrie laughed back. “Youʼre paying for the popcorn then!”

Kitty made a squak of protest. “I bought it last time!”

Carrie hummed. “Yeah and you fell asleep so youʼre paying.”

Kitty relented. How could she say no to that adorable face?

So, they took the bus. A very good bus ride by the way. Carrie let Kitty give her fashion tips (which she stole from Jen) and Kitty let Carrie play around with her phone. They even exchanged Spotify lists too. Carrie seemed to be into a alot of slow love songs, kpop and regular pop. Kittyʼs was all over the place, it ranged from generic pop songs to unrequited love songs to heavy metal. A few songs from girl in red too. A must have for any queer girl, really.

Actually, when discussing which movie to see Carrie and Kitty had some.. troubles. They took a week and a half to decide. Carrie wanted to see this newly released cute little movie about a boy and girl falling in love, and the trope was sunshine x grumpy and slow burn, it was a slice of life too. Thing is, Kitty wanted to see a horror film about a guy who was stuck in a never ending time loop during some sort of apocalypse and he needed to find a way to get back to peaceful life.

Needless to say that it was difficult. Kitty argued that watching horror movies would make Carrie braver and Carrie claimed watching slow burn romance would be much lighter and funner. After going back and forth for awhile they just settled on the middle ground. A shitty action movie with a happy go-lucky protagonist and badass fighting scenes.

Kitty dosenʼt think she would have been able to sit through a slow burn romance for 2 hours.

“A bucket of salted popcorn please,” Kitty politely requested to the cashier who quickly went to get it.

Kitty likes sweet, caramel popcorn. Salt was not sweet. So why did she get it? Because Carrie likes salt popcorn. She has a thing for salt, and Kitty dosenʼt mind. Not at all.

Carrie grinned. “You know me so well!”

“I know right?” Kitty chuckled and swiped the popcorn off the table and gently handed it to Carrie. Carrie gorged on the popcorn happily and Kitty knew it was worth every single cent.

They made their way to their seats in the middle row to the right side. Kitty recalled a tip Emma taught her awhile ago. Count how many seats are between you and the exit so that if something were to happen which caused the lights to go out you could still get out. In this case, 2 across 6 down. If she were alone she wouldnʼt bother but she was with her friend! She did this for all her friends!

Kitty sat down in her seat and placed the popcorn on the armrest. Carrie swiped a few more pieces as the movie began. Kitty of course took some too because she money didnʼt grow on trees. Even if it did, Kitty still had flowers trying to strangle her.

Then the movie began and Kitty brightened up. 

The protagonist was named Aiden. He had the ability to produce electricity with his hands and his nerdy best friend, Kai found out. There was another friend though. The girl who Josh liked. Then somewhere along the way she got kidnapped by random kidnappers... Kitty was only half paying attention, she was more focused on the dialogue. Carrie was doing worse than her it seemed because her eyes kept shutting. Kitty grinned at little at that.

About halfway through the movie, Carrie actually fell asleep while Kitty got invested. The thing is, Carrie fell asleep ON KITTYʼS SHOULDER. Kitty had to use everything in her NOT to fucking scream out of happiness. Her hand was shaking, she was scared to move and wake Carrie up so she just stiffened up her whole body and made sure not even a muscle twitched. Okay that was a lie the side Carrie wasnʼt on did but that didnʼt matter. Kitty was smiling so hard right now she was certain she somehow forced dimples to appear.

When the movie was 3 quarters done Carrie started to stir so Kitty gave her a light tap on the shoulder to wake her up fully.

“How much did I miss?” Carrie asked, rubbing her eyes.

“Not much,” Kitty replied.

Carrie nodded and faced the screen again.

The rest of the movie went by quickly, Kitty had a good time and after it ended she went to clear whatever was in her throat and then walked to the train station with Carrie.

“Okay but are you and Noah plotting something?” Carrie joked.

Kitty pouted. “I have so many friends and you choose to focus on him??”

“You two are just so different!” Carrie pointed out.

“Yeah well–”

“Wait! Sorry Devin texted!” Carrie interrupted.

“Oh?! Whatʼd he say???” Kitty queries with fake excitement. You know, she was getting good at this.

Carrie had a small smile. “He just texted to talk.”

Kitty hummed. 

Kitty sent Carrie off and Kitty dropped by a cafe for drinks. 

The quiet atmosphere was killing her. It left her to her thoughts. She even forgot her airpods. 

Devin. Why was Devin even there? Kitty seriously didnʼt get it. Devin was so– well, Kitty didnʼt want to toot her own horn but she was much better. She didnʼt usually dress like shit but oh just look at Devinʼs outfits, why did Carrie–

Wait. Kitty almost dropped her coffee. If Carrie loved Devin that much, why was Kitty the only one with hanahaki? Surely Carrie already realised, no? It made no sense– was it generic? But the Internet didnʼt say so!

Then Kitty put two and two together. 

Carrie dosenʼt actually love Devin. 

Chapter Text

Kitty dosenʼt actually love Devin. 

... 

Itʼs been a week and 1 day since Kitty realised that.

She spent most of the time wrapping her head around it. She really couldnʼt believe. Hell, she pinched herself atleast 20 times this past week! It didnʼt change anything. Kitty should be happy but Carrie is still talking about Devin. Kitty had no clue what she should do. Was she supposed to just blurt out “You donʼt love Devin because you arenʼt dying to coughing flowers” obviously she couldnʼt do that!

Kitty told Noah about it, but he was no help. He just went “Just confess then” as if it was that easy. He hasnʼt confessed to Alejandro! Who is he to tell Kitty to woman up and confess? If he did it then Kitty would too. But he didnʼt. So Kitty wonʼt either.

To Noah🌼🌸

> help me 

From Noah 🌼🌸

> i already said confess

To Noah🌼🌸

> and you havenʼt!

From Noah🌼🌸

> Thatʼs different Alejandro probably dosenʼt like me back

To Noah🌼🌸

> if he dosen't like you back then pigs can fly!

> oh no I'm becoming emma

> look at what you did to me

From Noah🌼🌸

> You don't know that and if i suggest something can i go back to my reading

To Noah🌼🌸

> you care about reading more than my chance to get out of this??

From Noah🌼🌸

> If i die i want to die finding out the ending of this book. If your really that desperate just go get Devin a date and when Carrie realises she isn't that broken up about it she'll realise. If not then just subtly nudge her in that direction

To Noah🌼🌸

> thank youuuu love you go confess 😊😊😊

Kitty put her phone without bothering to check the reply which was probably something about not confessing to Alejandro.

Noahʼs suggestion was.. uh.. drastic. If she went and found Devin a date of his own Carrie would probably be devastated rather then entertaining the fact she may not like him at all. Kitty didnʼt want that, although she loves playing matchmaker. Like, alot. She swears she can find Devinʼs other half! Just try her! As long as it wasnʼt Carrie!

Then again, Kitty is anything BUT subtle. She would let something she shouldnʼt slip out of her big mouth. She loves herself but she knows herself extremely well. Last time Kitty tried subtly hinting she accidentally mentioned Courtney liked Emma. To be fair, that was the reason Emma mustered up the courage to confess, so it turned out just fine. Courtney wasnʼt too happy about it, obviously. Kitty was positive that when Courtney confronted her she was close to bursting a blood vessel somewhere in her head, luckily Kitty weaseled out of that situation pretty well to not get into any trouble.

Kitty bit her bottom lip. It couldnʼt hurt to try that crazy matchmaking plan right? It wouldnʼt hur...

Stop Kitty! She slapped both her cheeks harshly, leaving a red mark on her cheek in the shape of her hand. She really had to get a goddamn grip!

“Your doing that thing, whatʼs wrong?” Zoey asked.

Kitty often asked Zoey to help tutor her, she was best at teaching! Unfortunately that made her get good at reading Kitty.

“What thing?” Kitty tried to dismiss her.

Zoey sighed. “The nose thing. Iʼm here you if you wanna talk about it.”

Kitty hated that her nose always scrunched up when she was deep in her thoughts. She tries not to do it but when your deep in your thoughts thinking about how best to win over someoneʼs love noses arenʼt exactly one of her concerns.

Kitty really wanted to confide in Zoey. Zoey always gave the best advice if she was being honest, unfortunately she probably didnʼt know what hanahaki was since Mike already reciprocated her feelings. Not that Kitty would have wanted her to suffer through hanahaki.

Well. It was worth a shot. “Is it morally correct to find your crushʼs crush a date because you know your crush dosenʼt really like their crush?” Kitty blurted out.

Zoey raised and eyebrow before taking a breath. “Honestly yes. If thatʼs the case you should confront them about it directly.”

Kitty groaned loud and long. “Thatʼs so awkward..!”

Zoey gave her sympathetic eyes. “Just know itʼs better for your crush if you do that. Iʼm sure youʼll make the right decision anyways.”

After their study session, Kitty went back home and mulled over Zoeyʼs words. It was true that it would be better for Carrie if Kitty just talked to her but.. it would sound insanely absurd if Kitty told Carrie about Carrieʼs OWN life and feelings. Especially when all Carrieʼs done this past week is gush about Devin. Kitty knows it is horrible and wrong and cruel if she found Devin some sort of date but she would be lying if she said the temptation wasnʼt strong.

Was hanahaki turning Kitty into a bad person? You know what? She canʼt be so bad!

Maybe she could. Kitty was going through some strange crisis. Morality crisis. Gosh, why was thinking so hard? At this point Kitty was close to shouting all about it to Emma to make her do the thinking for Kitty. Unfortunately that wasnʼt an option because she definitely dosenʼt want to sound like a nutjob infront of her lawyer sister.

... Fuck. She just needed to make up her mind.

Kitty sighed, then an idea came to her. Dice. She could use dice! Even numbers for the dating and odd numbers for the simple confrontation. There should be a dice in her drawer. She yanked the drawer open and rummaged through itʼs contents, hands wandering until she found that familiar square shape with slightly rounded edges. Kitty chucked the dice onto the ground and watched them roll around wildly.

3.

6.

2.

It stopped at 2.

Kitty let out a breath she didnʼt know she was holding.

Okay. Where should she even start? Maybe she should find out Devinʼs type, that probably has come up once or twice during her conversations with Carrie.

Carrie mentioned uh.. Devin likes.. girls shorter than him? Uhm.. Ravenettes and blondes. As for the personality– yeah nevermind Kitty does not have enough to work with. Kitty has no idea who Devinʼs friends are but she is like 60% sure him and Topher may be.

Kitty would ask him during English. They sit next to each other anyways. Kitty made peace with that and managed to get to sleep later that night.

She woke up a few times though, because she had breathing issues.

... 

Kitty almost didnʼt want to go through her plan today. Last night was rough. She was rudely pulled out of her sleep when she started choking violently in the bed, having to run back to the bathroom over and over. She didnʼt even go back to sleep the 3rd time she woke up.

Unfortunately, it was now or never and if it was never she would regret.

Kitty made her way to first period, throwing herself into her chair. Topher, Kitty had to admit was mildy annoying at times. She hates when he pretends their all on some sort of show and narrates. Even if they were then heʼd be a useless host. She still had to ask him. He was literally right next to her afterall.

“Hey, Toph.” Kitty started. To her surprise Topher actually looked away from his phone and looked at her. “You know Devin right?” Kitty asked.

Topher nodded. “Uhuh. And?”

“Whatʼs his type? Personality-wise. Because Carrie uh.. wants to know.” Kitty questioned as nonchalantly as she could and trying to keep a poker face.

Topher raised an eyebrow before he snickered. “Oh NO WAY YOU–”

Kitty hit him on the back of his head. She was already feeling pissy, and she does not want to be a giant jerk the rest of the day. “Just tell me. Believe whatever you want but I donʼt like him.” Kitty hissed, a frown on her face.

Topher raised his hands in the air. “Okay okay. Geez. He likes sweet, honest, uhh.. wait. Oh right. He likes them sarcastic and uhm adventurous, I guess. I donʼt know dude, most of the stuff that guy says goes in one ear and comes out the other.” Topher stated, although he was about to get up, probably to annoy mr McLean like he did every lesson.

Great. Kitty now had a lead. Shorter girls, kind, sarcastic. Kitty just going to keep an eye out for pretty short girls in the hallway. One was bound to want to date Devin. Kitty hoped so atleast.

Kitty paid as much attention as she could before she inevitably zoned out and simply made sure keep an eye out.

She saw a really nice-looking girl. Pin straight medium length jet black hair with curtain bangs, dark brown eyes, round glasses and she was a little shorter than Kitty. Kitty was shorter than Devin so she was using herself as a reference. Kitty decided to try her.

“Hii, are you looking for like a boyfriend? Iʼm finding my friend a date!” Kitty cheerfully went up to the girl.

The girl looked at her like she grew two heads. “Uh... what does he look like?” She questioned.

Kitty pulled out her phone and browsed her photos. She managed to find a decent photo of Devin and she showed it to the girl. The girl grimaced for a brief second before schooling her expression. “N-no thanks..” She murmured.

Damn. Did Devin look that bad? Kitty thought he looked okay. Kitty pursed her lips and nodded, walking away. Okay, next girl!

Kitty decided to go to the library next. She just wandered around, occasionally picking up a book while her eyes darted around trying to find Devinʼs type. Eventually she spotted another girl. Long blonde hair tied into a ponytail, green eyes and Kitty has seen her. This girl was nice.

“Hey do you–”

Several “Shhh”s came from the others in the library the moment Kitty opened her mouth. She smiled sheepishly as she approached the girl.

“Hi, are you looking for a date? Iʼm helping a  friend find one.” Kitty inquired, showing Devinʼs picture to the girl.

The girlʼs expression was unreadable, but she didnʼt look disgusted so..

“A bit of an odd way.. but he looks hot. Sure. Iʼm Shelly.” Shelly accepted.

Kittyʼs lips tilted upwards. “Great! Iʼll set up a date for you guys. Just give me your number.”

Kitty got a selfie with Shelly and messaged Devin her picture, asking if he wanted to go out with her. Devin, even over text, seemed eager to go so Kitty helped set up a date for them today, 7pm in a mid-range restaurant.

She just hoped it would go well. All thatʼs left is to wait. She may as well go update Noah later.

...

“Oh. Wait, you actually went through with it?” Noah reconfirmed with an incredulous look.

Kitty scoffed. “Yeah! You told me to!”

Noah snorted in response. “I didnʼt think you had the guts.” He said, a few petals falling out of his mouth.

Right now it was after school. Kitty and Noah were on the bleachers right now, 

Kitty rolled her eyes. “Devin hasnʼt told me anything and Carrie hasnʼt either.” She pouted.

Kitty refused to believe it was a coincidence when her phone lit up with a notification. Noah urged Kitty to check it.

If was from Carrie. 

From Carrie ml 🩷🩷🩷🩷

> Devin is on a date iʼm goinug to cry please come over tonight.

Kitty and Noah winced in unison. 

“FUCK,” Kitty groaned.

“Maybe it will work out.. or something..” Noah muttered.

“What will?”

Noah and Kitty jumped back at the same time with a yelp. Kitty looked at the girl, she had orange hair and green eyes. Her clothes looked somewhat revealing. “Holy fuck– Izzy! I told you not to sneak up on people! Whereʼs your girlfriend?” Noah snapped.

Izzy giggled mischievously. “Eva is at the gym. I wanted to check up on you! Oh, your Kitty right?” Izzy leaned closer to Kitty.

Kitty nodded. Izzy? Kitty thinks she has heard about her.

“What is it?” Noah asked.

“Oh, I just wanted to know if you were going to confess to Alejandro. You are not dying to hanahaki on Izzyʼs watch!” Izzy replied.

Oh. She knows about hanahaki? Guess Kitty can hack out flowers as much as she wants infront of this girl. More importantly, she could back Izzy up on getting Noah to confess.

Noah groaned. “I am not confessing. Why do you and Kitty keep hounding me about it?”

“Because you need to! Iʼm with Izzy on this.” Kitty said firmly.

“You just met her!” Noah squaked.

Izzy smiled triumphantly. “Yeah! Listen to Kitty! Oh, but she needs to confess too!”

Kitty looked up at her in disbelief. “H-how did you–”

Izzy cackled, plopping into the space between Noah and Kitty. “Your very obvious about it!”

Kitty worriedly glanced to Noah to check if it was true. Noah massaged his temples. “No, you werenʼt. Izzy is just crazy and observant.” Noah reassured her.

Kitty sighed in relief. “Hmph! And here I was with more info on how to get rid of hanahaki! Youʼre acting like you donʼt want to hear it!” Izzy huffed.

Noahʼs eyes shot open. “You found something?”

Izzy hummed in agreement. Now Kitty was listening real close.

Noah and Kitty kept silent. Unfortunately so did Izzy. “Come on tell us!” Kitty urged.

“Well...! You, can remove it.. with.. Surgery!” Izzy smiled proudly.

Kitty and Noah gawked at the relaxed ginger sitting between them.

What. 

Chapter Text

Noah was violently shaking Izzy by the shoulders right now. Once she dropped that nuclear bomb on both Kitty and Noah she started laughing like fuck because their expressions were funny. Noah was trying to get her to stop so she could give them more details about this miracle surgery but it seemed that his shaking only increased her laughter.

“Stop shaking her!” Kitty yelled.

Noah did actually stop. Wow. That easy? Kitty was ready for him to put up a fight. 

Izzy stopped laughing and her face turned dead serious. “Itʼs a shady underground doctor! They can remove it. Apparently, according to the files Izzy found on their patients they lost feelings for their crush! ” Izzy stated.

Kitty swallowed her whole bottom lip, while Noah went completely silent.

“Do you want the doctorʼs number...?” Izzy hesitantly queried.

Kitty shook hear head instantly. “No– if I need it, Iʼll cone to you but I donʼt.. uh..” Kitty trailed off.

“Absolutely.” Noah answered shortly.

Izzy frowned. “No.”

“What?”

“No! Izzy believes Noah has a chance without the surgery! Izzy was offering Kitty because I donʼt know her situation! ” Izzy said as if it were the most obvious fact in the world.

“Aww!” Kitty smiled. “Thatʼs sweet of you Izzy!”

Izzy gave her a wide grin. 

“So you want me to die??” Noah scoffed.

Izzy shook her head. “You already made progress! Go be happy!”

“Yeah Alejandro called you in the middle of the night shoot your shot!” Kitty added joyfully.

Noah glared at the two of them. “I hate you both.”

Izzy giggled a little. “Anyways! Alejandro is at your favourite cafe. Right now.”

Noah raised an eyebrow. Kitty spoke up before he could. “Whoa! Are you like a psychic??” Kitty eagerly questioned.

Izzy chuckled. “Well I am somewhat after that winter in Nigeria yeah!”

Noah snorted at that but Izzy didnʼt mind all that much. Kitty turned to Noah. “You, my pining dying friend, are going to that cafe!” Kitty said sternly.

Noah tried to object but the moment he did he went into a painful coughing fit. He quickly stuck his head into the gap between the bleachers to make sure no one saw him and whatever atrocious bloody mess he was about to make.

Noahʼs head popped back out from the bleachers, his hand wiping blood off his lips. “No way.” He retorted weakly.

Izzy and Kitty looked at each other with a look that said, “You know what to do.”

Izzy forcefully despite Noahʼs physical and verbal protest hoisted him onto her shoulder and ran away to the cafe. Kitty giggled contently.

Wait. 

Carrie. 

How could she forget? She could not be laughing at a time like this!

Carrie told her only to come over tonight. She must have thought Kitty had plans since it was a school day, and figured she was only going to be free at night.

Kitty was far from patient. She may as well just go there now. Infact she was already halfway through the hallway to head out of school.

On the bus there she received a text from Devin.

From Devin✌️

> Yo thanks for setting me up with shelly, i owe you one she's great 

To Devin✌️

> no problem!

Welp, Kitty is a horrible human being. She hopes atleast the getting Carrie to realise she didnʼt like Devin part actually work or Kitty may have ruined every romantic aspect of Carrieʼs life.

Okay that may have been a little too drastic but Kitty was dealing with alot right now, leave her alone.

She decided to stop by a convenience store to get some snacks for Carrie, just incase. She got 2 pints of ice cream which she stuffed inside a plastic bag with ice packs and some junk food like haribo gummies and skittles.

Kitty rang Carrieʼs doorbell, four times so that Carrie knew it was her. They had a thing.

The door opened and out came a very puffy-eyed Carrie with dishevelled hair.

Kitty held up the two ice cream pints. “I brought snacks.”

Carrieʼs lips turned up a little, she stepped aside so Kitty could step in.

The two of them sat on Carrieʼs couch and Kitty turned on Carrieʼs comfort show because why would she not know what it was and handed Carrie the cookies and cream pint. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Kitty asked.

“Absolutely.” Carrie stuffed her mouth full of ice cream before continuing. “What do I do? I canʼt ever confess if he has a a girlfriend! Both of them will hate me! But i feel like I'm going to burst when Iʼm around if and become more obvious.. and.. I donʼt want to lose him.”

Kitty frowned and lowered the volume of the TV. “Carrie! You have known Devin since you guys were like 2! He wonʼt hate you okay? You wonʼt lose him.” Kitty reassured. “If Devin abandons you just because of a stupid confession he was never your friend in the first place.”

With a sigh, Carrie nodded. “This is embarrassing but.. can we..”

And Kitty already knew what that meant. She smiled as a sign of agreement. 

Carrie crawled over to Kittyʼs side of the couch and rested her head in the crook of Kittyʼs neck. Kitty snaked an arm around Carrieʼs waist and pulled her closer.

Whenever they did this was when Carrie needed physical comfort. Kitty never initiated it mostly becuasebe whenever their sides were pressed together whole she could feel Carrieʼs warm breath tickle her neck she tended to start panicking internally and then force herself not to move in fear of exposing her silly crush. 

In fact it was happening right now. Kittyʼs neck was so warm. The pleasantly, flower scent of Carrieʼs shampoo made Kitty want to card her hands through the smooth blonde strands of hair. Carrie shifted a little to get into a more comfortable position and Kitty stiffened immediately.

Oh, how very doomed Kitty was.

Kitty reached for the remote with her free hand and upped the volume, only focusing on the screen before she drove herself crazy.

The movie playing was actually a zombie movie. Naturally that meant it was going to be a little gory. The two protagonists kept getting caught up in alot of physically awkward situations, like they had to shove themselves inside a small closet to avoid being spotted. There was also a genderfluid person who was another member of their group.

Their goal was to find a cure, so they went to the science lab that started the apocalypse after finding a recording saying that the scientists had the foresight to prepare a formula for a reversal solution should anything go wrong. They had no idea their concoction would create zombies and they all got taken out before anyone could even make the reversal solution.

The movie ended happily. The group of survivors gathered the other survivors in their country and they all built a sort of hideout where they were safe and could produce cures to slowly but surely restore the population. Then it just ended.

Kitty was disappointed at that. The ending was way too underwhelming in her opinion and–

Was Carrie sleeping?

Kitty cast her gaze downwards to look at Carrie. 

Oh. Fuck. Carrie fell asleep. 

Kitty tensed up again, now conscious of every part of her body and made sure she didnʼt move an inch.

She has to be home by 12am or Emma will nag at her. She canʼt– wait, but Carrie looked majestic as she slept.

Kitty watched the rise ans fall of Carrieʼs chest against her, eyes shut peacefully.

Kitty looked at the blonde hair. Carried wouldnʼt mind right?

She ran her fingers softly through Carrieʼs hair and froze when Carrie stirred. She was relieved when Carrieʼs eyes didnʼt shoot open and decided it was a bad idea and retracted her hand.

How the hell was she going to get out of this?

For starters, it would take Kitty about an hour to get home so she would have to unfortunately leave at 11. Now it was only 7.

Gosh does Kitty wish this moment would simply last forever. 

. 

Kitty resisted the urge to complain out loud to nothing and no one causing Carrie to wake up once it eventually reached 11pm.

She did not want to leave. Then again she had to, also she is 100% sure her throat is not happy with her because around.. 9? Yeah, 9pm her lungs started to sting slightly when she took a breath and she could feel the petals and buds stuck in her throat, eager to get out. The bus ride home wouldn't be tough. Kitty felt around the coffee table for the notepad Carrie usually leaves on it and managed to grab a pen along with it.

She wrote “Sorry, had to go home. See you tmr!!” signed with “Xoxo - Kitty”

Kitty carefully untangled herself from Carrie and lay her down comfortably. She gathered her shit and unlocked the door as quietly as she could and left to the bus.

Kitty put her airpods in and sat miserably in the bus. 

First of all. Her plan failed, Carrie still seemed to think she loved Devin to the end of the earth. Kitty chose to look on the brightside, brightside being that they cuddled. Second, Kitty was positive her hanahaki got worse during that whole thing because suddenly the petals and buds were not patient enough to wait till she got home and Kitty was on the verge of spitting out blood and flowers in a public bus.

In short, 4 hours of physical contact with no words spoken was the only thing that really came out of this.

If Kitty was being honest, she would do it again. For that she felt disgusted with herself. 

Nowadays Kittyʼs thoughts were mostly only Carrie. She wasnʼt exactly at fault for that, more so the flowers were, but what can a girl do?

Izzy did say about the surgery... 

Kitty was actually still debating with herself about that. Something she herself couldnʼt even understand why she was even considering it.

She loved Carrie, but was it worth this? Was it worth giving up any other shot Kitty had at romance? Worth suffering countless of sleepless nights? Worth the searing pain in her lungs?

Worth losing her life?

Kitty didnʼt know, and it was killing her faster than the flowers.

. 

Kitty tossed her shoes off her feet and darted to the bathroom, closing the door silently because of her sister and locking it. She lifted the toilet bowlʼs cover up and dozens of petals and buds came flying out her mouth. Her eyes were watery as they relentlessly fell, her whole body shaking and her torso felt as if it were ablaze.

It ended with blood coming like a small waterfall out and being absorbed into the water, beginning to colour the colourless water dark red.

Kitty latched onto the sink to support herself, looking into the mirror at her sad self. 

She shut the toilet bowl cover and weakly flushed it, hoping it wouldnʼt clog the drains.

“Fuck,” Kitty muttered, noticing a blood stain on her shirt. She cleaned up anything remaining on her face, staring down at the clean porcelain sink pointlessly for a few seconds in order to gather herself.

If she was lucky Emma would be in her room. If not she would have to face the wrath of her sister after facing the wrath of, well, herself? She guesses.

Kitty tiptoed to the laundry room and stuffed her clothes inside of the washing machine. She pulled on a sweater which would make do till she actually went to shower. 

She slowly made her way back to the living room, back at the end of the corridor stood a very angry looking Emma. 

Welp, Kittyʼs a walking dead man. She looks forward to the funeral music.

“Mind telling me why– YOUʼRE BACK AT 12 ON A WEEKDAY AND LEFT THE DOOR UNLOCKED SO ANY RANDOM PSYCHOPATH CAN BREAK IN AND KILL US BOTH??” Emma shouted.

Kitty winced at her loud voice. “Uhh..”

“Are you getting into fights or some shit Kitty?? I saw blood on your clothes. If you are getting into fights I swe–”

“Iʼm not some sort of gangstar! Geez, I just– look, Carrie was sad so I comforted her and–”

“And the door?” Emma interrupted.

Yeah no, Kitty shut up after that. 

After a half an hour, Emma was finally done with her long lecture Kitty had to listen to. 

Emma sighed. “Just– donʼt do this again and seriously, if anything is wrong you know you can come to me right? Weʼre sisters, and I care about you and whatever your reason is for the blood I saw the other day.”

“I know I know but itʼs really nothing! Pinkie promise!” Kitty stuck her pinkie finger out. Emma took it and they pinkie sweared and that was the end of their conversation.

Kitty stared up at her ceiling, wondering what the fuck she was supposed to do now that a solution, even if horrible has presented herself. 

Was the consequence worth it? 

Chapter Text

Kitty could only stare. Stare at the horrific fucking sight infront of her.

The petals and buds evolved into actual flowers. No stems but that was a very very bad sign. Some of them were more coated with blood than others.

So, in short?

Kitty is so screwed. 

Now the surgery was a much more tempting option but Kitty still couldnʼt bring herself to ask for the doctorʼs number from Izzy. Mostly out of the fact she definitely couldnʼt go through with the surgery.

The clock is ticking and honestly Kitty couldnʼt care less. Noah was still alive and itʼd been 5 months. She atleast had 5 months to have as much fun as possibly before the grim reaper comes.

Besides, Geoff was actually hosting another party tonight, being a Friday after all. He usually did.

So no worries!

Kitty cleaned herself up, noticing the slightest of burns in her lungs whenever she inhaled. Not too painful yet. 

She just canʼt imagine how Noah feels. Kitty contemplates meddling, it would help wouldnʼt it? Plus this way she can do something other then ultimately waste her time. 

Now that Kitty thinks about it, she should try and find out what flower it is. It came out her mouth pretty crushed and bloody so she couldnʼt really identify it, next time round sheʼll trying being more careful.

Next time round would be soon. Probably at school where Kitty will have to make sure the blood didnʼt reach her clothes.

Kitty got as many flowers out of her system as she could then went to school. 

She decided today she would go and meddle. If she was being honest, recently sheʼs been so worried that when she isnʼt everything seems more boring. Hell, ever sincere she got this disease sheʼs only taken like 21 selfies! That was way too little.

It was going to be to be insanely easy to meddle. Kitty talked to Alejandro atleast once a week, they were surprisingly close despite having fewer than the ideal amount of common ground.

She sat through her classes, most of it was just a waste of time since she wouldnʼt see her graduation anyways.

Kitty set up a before party preparation group, they were going to meet up at Tylerʼs before going to Geoffʼs to talk a little and pick whichever sucker has to drive them all home.

The people participating in it were Alejandro, Tyler of course, Duncan, Zoey and lastly Lindsay. Kitty knew Noah was going to the party too but with Owen. 

If Kitty was being honest she wanted Owen to come with them today but Alejandro insisted no because he want to make soemthing for Owen before the part. 

Oh well. Not like Owen was going to be completely gone. 

Carrie was going too. Geoff knew her somehow, but the blonde was going with Devin which Kitty only knew because Carrie talked to her about it.

Kitty had to admit she was a little bitter about that. Shelly, Devinʼs now girlfriend thanks to Kitty, wasnʼt going though for whatever reason.

Kitty met up with everyone nearby the schoolʼs exit. Only Tyler, Lindsay and Alejandro were there.

“Kitty!” Lindsay smiled.

“Lindss!!” Kitty returned the energy and hugged Lindsay.

They seperated. “Yo dude! I feel like I havenʼt seen you in forever!” Tyler remarked.

Kitty hummed in agreement. “Huh. I guess not!”

“Do you happen to want to be our driver?” Alejandro asked.

Kitty snorted. “Not unless you want to get into a car crash or get arrested.”

Alejandro chuckled. “Ay come on Amiga! Youʼre not that horrible, you brought Duncan home without incidence yes?”

“That was probably a one time thing if Iʼm being honest, It was a miracle I caught all green lights or I would have run someone over. Noah didnʼt trust me to drive once so he literally made me stop the car and got in the driverʼs seat.” Kitty said.

It was a lie. She just wanted to see how Alejandro would react at the mention of Noahʼs name.

Alejandroʼs smile got wider for a brief second. “Well, regardless you havenʼt taken a lesson so you did well enough.”

The four chatted awhile more before Zoey and Duncan turned up a few minutes later. Apparently Duncan was helping Zoey out with planning something for Mike which was a little odd because Duncan was Duncan but it was nice of him.

Apparently Zoey also got caught up in some sort of feud between Anne maria and Jo. In Kittyʼs eyes they should just kiss– clearly they were both just disaster lesbians unable to communicate.

That aside, they finally got into the cars. Kitty was with riding with Alejandro, Duncan and Zoey. The other two were in the car behind them, they insisted because Tyler and Lindsay wanted to discuss something in private. 

Unfortunately Kitty didnʼt get the chance to meddle anymore since Alejandro was driving being the only one with a real license apart from Tyler he somehow got and Duncan taking the seat beside the spaniard. Although, She did have a very enjoyable conversation with Zoey.

Kitty plopped herself onto Tylerʼs couch, grabbing a loose chip on the table. “You should stop doing that Kitty!” Zoey scolded.

“Itʼs Tylerʼs house! I donʼt think itʼs dirty or anything!” Kitty shrugged.

Zoey opened her mouth to say something but shut it and walked away.

Kitty stifled a chuckle. She watched as everyone slowly took their places on the couch, bringing over light snacks and a few beers. Kitty was right in the middle seeing as she was the first to claim a spot. Alejandro was to her right, and his right was Duncan. To her left was Zoey and to Zoeyʼs left was Lindsay and Tyler, huddled up in a blanket. Somehow the couch could fit 6 people.

Zoey picked out a movie. A romance one. No one but Duncan objected, so they just told him majority wins and ignored his protests. 

Kitty was in the mood for horror tonight if she was being honest. She loved the way it got her blood going and guard up, distracting her from her illness completely but she loved a good romance too. 

Plus, this was a very good opportunity to try and save Noah, in other words to drop the most obvious hints to Alejandro and try to make him realise he liked Noah, or try to make him if he didnʼt already somehow which Kitty doubted.

Her phone vibrated silently in her pocket, Kitty chose to ignore it for the time being. Unless she wanted to take a selfie after the movie was over then she would check it.

The movie started.

It began with a girl named Rebecca.

Rebecca had a crush on this guy named David, her childhood friend. 

The thing is, David had hanahaki but not Rebecca.

Kitty soon realised the movie trope was reverse hanahaki. 

Out of all the romance movies, Zoey chose the reverse hanahaki trope??? Kitty wanted to grab a pillow and scream super fucking loud into it.

Hell, Kitty couldnʼt even stomach the thought of reverse hanahaki. She would feel worse than she did now if she knew Carrie was suffering because of her love. It would mentally destroy Kitty if that happened.

This whole outing was supposed to get her mind OFF hanahaki not make her worry over it more!

No one but Kitty seemed to know this was reverse hanahaki. Not even Zoey. 

Did the universe put Kitty in hell? Is that why everything was going so wrong?

Regardless, Kittyʼs mind was still set on properly making Noah and Alejandro a couple. It was an amazing distraction from the stupid disease, Kitty absolutely loved playing matchmaker.

So she waited. She zoned out for awhile, not saying anything so everyone could enjoy the movie. Eventually it reached the halfway point and Kitty decided that was enough waiting. Before she did anything though she vomited flowers out in the bathroom, just to be safe that they wouldnʼt fly out of her mouth when she talked. 

She subtly nudged Alejandro with her elbow. “Hey, what do you think of Noah?” Kitty whispered, teasingly, of course.

Alejandro looked down at her with an eyebrow raised, but Kitty didnʼt miss the faint red in his cheeks.

“Noah? Why do you ask?” Alejandro whispered back.

Kitty giggled. “Because... I see the way you look at him Alejandro!” She whisper-shouted since she really didnʼt want to embarrass Alejandro infront of everyone else but this was the only way she could get a word in.

Alejandro had a pensive expression for a few seconds. “Heʼs wonderful I suppose. I admire Noah, and his rather strange ways of entertaining himself. His lack of motivation towards school yet he is still able to maintain stellar grades.”

Kitty nodded, silently urging him to continue with the look in her eyes. 

“... Well Noah is a good friend..? Despite his cynical demeanour and his bestie friend who is practically a p–” Alejandro coughed. It didnʼt sound that real to Kitty though. “Excuse me. Noah is also quite attractive in my opinion, his hair is very soft, and his eyes are easy to get lost in.”

Is Alejandro just oblivious or was he in denial? Whichever it was, Kitty was certain this was no platonic, unless Alejandro looks his homies in the eye as if they hung the stars or whatever.

“You do not know how gay you sound right now.” Kitty laughed.

Alejandro chuckled but it was unnatural. Kitty knows real laughter when she hears it. 

Hopefully he finally realised. If he didnʼt, Kitty has lost any faith in him finding out on his own.

Kitty turned her attention back to the movie after that. 

It ended happily. One day, Rebecca confessed. The next few days after she confessed the flowers were still there but after a week David was completely fine and confessed to Rebecca too.

The last scene ended with the two of them walking towards the sunset on the beach, and once they stopped to kiss each other and the only thing the viewers could see were their black silhouettes. 

Kitty could only dream of that happening to her and Kitty. It was one of Kittyʼs fantasies for romance, especially the first kiss of the relationship.

Then again, just a dream. Kitty shouldnʼt get her hopes up.

“We should probably get going. Itʼs already 9.” Zoey noted, ever the responsible one.

“Woo! Okay dudes, letʼs roll!” Tyler cheered and grabbed the car keys sitting on the dining table.

Their designated drivers were Zoey and Alejandro. Alejandro said he wasnʼt keen on drinking tonight, saying something about how his body was a temple and Zoey had a date with Mike the next day.

This time, Kitty rode with Tyler and Lindsay. She wished she didnʼt though, because they were just complimenting each other the entire time and showering each other with loved. It was cheesy, but sweet. Kitty would rather not be a thirdwheel though.

They pulled up at Geoffʼs house and parked nearby. Kitty was ecstatic as she entered the party, immediately scrambling to find the drinks. She already passed a couple, that couple being Gwen and Heather with their tongues shoved down each otherʼs throats.

Kitty took some of the shitty spiked fruit punch and used the ladle to put it into her cup, spilling a little. 

She took the red plastic cup and walked around, eventually finding the weed brownies. “I think DJ made those but he was NOT happy about the weed.” Duncan remarked and grabbing one before going off to who knows where.

Kitty shouldnʼt, but she already drinks alcohol. So she left it. Instead, she went to find Noah and go annoy him and Owen.

Surprisingly though, Noah.. was alone?

“Whereʼs Owen?” Kitty asked, taking a spot next to him on the wall he propped himself up against.

Noah shrugged. “He smelt brownies.”

“Oh! Uh, those have weed in them.” Kitty said.

“Even if I told them heʼd eat it anyways. I should probably text him incase though.” Noah sighed exasperatededly and text Owen three words, brownie weed bad.

Kitty raised an eyebrow. “Has he gotten high before?”

Noah nodded. “Yeah. He was completely fine though, like it didnʼt affect him.”

Kitty cackled. “Classic Owen! Wait. I came here for something else–”

“To be insufferable?”

Kitty gasped, feigning offence with and hand on her chest. “Wow! So hurtful! But no, I came to tell you to grow a pair and confess or some shit!”

Noah rolled his eyes. “Not happening.”

Kitty pouted. “No but I asked him what he thought of you and you should have been there I swear! He was all like Noah is wonderful and attractive!”

“You grow a pair and confess. Youʼre the extrovert here, not me.” Noah rebutted.

Kitty would have been stumped but she actually thought of a counter argument. “Yeah but I just told you Alejandroʼs opinion on you, I donʼt know Carrieʼs on me!” She smirked smugly.

“You sound like a more cheerful Emma.”

“Not the point!” Kitty huffed. “See youʼre turning me into Emma.”

Kitty decided to take a selfie and whipped out her phone, and she had 5 messages from Carrie??

From Carrie 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

> What the fuck kitty?

> YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SET DEVIN AND SHELLY UP?

> Youʼre my best friend why the fuck would you do that

> And then here I was complaining to you.

> Donʼt even bother texting me back

Kittyʼs eyes widened.

Holy fucking shit. 

She made Carrie hate her. 

Kitty felt as if someone stabbed a knife into her heart. She felt her eyes start to well up with tears, and she stubbornly forced a smile to make it stop but it wouldnʼt.

Now sheʼs gone and done it. Carrie hates her. Despises her. Probably wishes she were dead. Kitty dosenʼt even have anyone to be angry at. She did that herself even if it was Noahʼs suggestion she should have never gone through with it, Noah was Noah after all.

Fuck. Kitty should just shrivel and die. She was a good for nothing moth–

Kitty noticed a few fully formed flowers on the ground. She almost puked on the spot.

Wait. She wasnʼt at that stage yet. Which meant.

Noah. 

She made herself get out of whatever sad moping mess she was in and looked over at Noah, his lips were covered with blood. He was choking and coughing on his own blood and the flowers practically pouring out of his throat at this point while his arms were trying to wipe off the blood from everywhere really.

Kitty found the words she wanted to blurt out stuck in her throat for a minute. 

“Noah! FUCK!” She managed, immediately calling the ambulance number. Her words were incomprehensible to the operators who begged her to slow down and keep calm.

Keep calm? KEEP CALM? KITTY WAS ANYTHING BUT CALM.

Eventually they just asked for her location which she told them hastily. 

After they hung up she noticed Noah was struggling to breathe. 

Kitty didnʼt know what to say. Everyone had noticed the commotion. Most of them had crowded around her and Noah, a few simply staring in horror at the bloody mess of flowers on the ground.

Alejandro was shaking Noah, asking him what was wrong. 

Carrie didnʼt even bother to come over, she was talking with someone at the far end of the room.

Everyone else was trying to figure out what was happening and asking Kitty a millions of questions she had no answer to.

Kitty dug her hands into her hair, pulling it, hard. 

Everything was going fucking wrong. 

Kitty couldnʼt do this alone. She couldnʼt bear the fact Carrie hates her. She could not lose Noah. She could not lose Carrie. She could not live if she lost both, or even one. She majorly fucked up absolutely everything.

She was breathing frantically, unable to hear the loud shouts from her friends. 

No. She couldnʼt do this she couldnʼt–

Fuck it all. Noahʼs pride can fucking suck it Devin can go to hell for all Kitty cares. She canʼt sit by and let Noah die. She canʼt– she canʼt fathom the mere thought of never taking to Carrie again or be given the cold shoulder.

She could fix Noahʼs problem now.

Kitty murmured something, a bundle of a words in desperation. “You love Noah right? Right? Heʼd dying because he fucking loves you too.”

She kept repeating it in vain. No one could understand her. Not even the source of the problem and eventually Noah went totally limp.

The ambulance came. Kitty got on it with Noah and forcing Alejandro along by tugging him with her. Carrie glared at her, like she was being an asshole for even going o the ambulance. She needed to calm the fuck down. It was a life or fucking death situation.

But the only thoughts in her head betrayed her.

“Noahʼs going to leave.”

“Carrie hates you.”

Her entire body felt pain. Everything was blur and she could hear Alejandro talking to her but she kept crying and sobbing and stringing together words that were too soft and too rushed to be understood.

Infact Kittyʼs own breathing was being obstructed  by the stupid fucking disease that was on the verge of taking Noahʼs life away. Her lungs burned as she tried to get her message across to Alejandro.

Noahʼs pride did not matter right now. What mattered was that he lived. Kitty could not do this on her own. Even Carrie fucking abandoned her, the beloved source of her problems.

Noah was such a good guy. Fuck. Kitty could not left him die. No no no no.. 

Nothing was fine. 

Chapter Text

Kitty felt numb. Her brain was filled to the brim with negative thoughts, but no tears would come because they had already been drained.

It was evident she was crying, based on her puffy red eyes and her despondent state.

Alejandro wasnʼt doing much better. He had an arm around her shoulder for comfort but it wasnʼt doing very much. Kitty just felt like shit for even letting him comfort her.

The only thing preventing silence was Owen. He hadnʼt been in time to board the ambulance, instead he got someone to drive him here and he had been crying for the past hour.

Kitty very much knew she had to say something to Alejandro. Tell him how Noah feels.

But she couldnʼt.

She knew Noah was prepared to die from the start. She knew he had no plans on confessing and wanted to take his feelings to the grave. 

If Alejandro liked him back, Noah would rather be the one to tell him. See his expression. Kitty knew that much. 

If Alejandro didnʼt, Noah most likely feared the fact Alejandro would only see him as the boy who died because of his love of the spaniard. If Noah got the surgery anyways in that case, Alejandro and Noahʼs friendship would be wrecked.

Kitty already knows that if that were to happen, love or not, Noah would be devastated.

So even in her desperate attempts of talking, her words didnʼt exit her mouth and instead came out as a choked sob, because of that knowledge sitting in the back of her mind.

Kitty really couldnʼt fucking lose Noah though.

The past few weeks, or a month, has been hectic. Noah vented to her. She vented to him. Noahʼs snarky comments and quips. Their late night talks which were especially eventful after a bad day.

The silent understanding that they were both just waiting to die, even if they kept nagging each other to confess just to take their chances rather then go on to the next world without even trying.

That was why Kitty kept pushing and meddling. To try to atleast convince Noah to give it a shot. She just didnʼt want to give it up so easy. All those positive thoughts of the good ways it could have gone blocked out all the bad in Kittyʼs head. 

How the fuck would Kitty even continue trying with Carrie with Noah gone? The one person who understood what she was going through, the one person who she went to for advice every single time.

If Noah left Kitty would have almost nothing left. Emmaʼs leaving for law school soon.

Not to mention Carrie. 

The love of Kittyʼs life who probably despised Kitty with her entire being right now.

Kitty felt tired. Her arms were pain. Her legs were pain. Everything felt pain and she deserved it. She deserved a punishment that was brought from the depths of hell.

Fuck. She felt horrible. About everything. 

Even earlier when Kitty was frantically trying to board the ambulance, Carrie glared at her. A cold, hard glare as if Kitty was only pretending to care for Noah. 

A glare Kitty knew that Carrie reserved for the people she hated most. 

It broke her. 

Kitty really was just a worthless, good-for-nothing piece of shit waiting to rot away.

It was funny to think no one else was pulling the strings, because nothing felt real. It all felt like some sick simulation.

Kitty knew this was all her fault. If she pushed harder for Noah to confess this would not have happened. If she never thought for a second she had a chance without Carrie this would not have happened.

Kitty should just do something drastic. Jump. Everyone else would be better without her. No one wouldn't give two flying fucks about her if she died. Everyone would return back to normal and be happy. Noah wouldnʼt have to worry about Kitty spilling out his confession to Alejandro for him.

It was better than way right? Or was she just searching for an escape?

Fuck if Kitty knew. 

Everything just felt fucked up to the max. Kitty felt we if something had stabbed her, leaving a hole in her chest.

It should have been her in that hospital room right now. Not Noah. 

A sudden noise caused Kitty shock. 

She felt hear heart pound against her ribcage intensely, fear washing over her when she realised it came from Noahʼs room.

It sounded like glass. Glass cracking. 

Kitty clumsily pounced out of her chair and threw herself into Noahʼs room. Glass shards were scattered all around the ground, sparkling.

There stood Izzy at the windowsill with Noah in her arms.

This is the first time Kitty hasnʼt seen the ginger with a grin on her face.

Izzy jerked her head to the north, a sign for Kitty to follow. Wordlessly, Kitty felt her weak, weak legs move themselves.

She had not a care in the world for the fact that they broke out of a hospital. 

Not like they could help Noah.

A woman was running with them. Kitty assumed she was Eva. 

They slid down a metal railing and got to a seemingly abandoned building. Izzy slammed the door open and rushed to a room, a empty one. 

The ginger was going to make a call once she placed Noah down but his eyes fluttered open. 

Thank fucking god.

“Youʼre dying Noah. You have to confess.” Izzy stated bluntly, looking at Noah straight in the eye.

“I know.” Noah rasped. “But he probably dosenʼt like me. I donʼt want the surgery too.”

Izzy brows furrowed and her teeth clenched. “What the fuck do we all do? Just let you die?” She snarled.

Noah had no words to that. He bit down on his bottom lip. “3 days.” He murmured.

“What?” Eva said, confused and concerned.

“Give me 3 days to decide what I want.” Noah repeated, his face with emotions Kitty couldnʼt discern.

Izzy nodded silently and took a seat next to the bed. Eva did the same. They beckoned for Kitty to come over too. “What do we tell Owen?” Kitty queried.

Izzy frowned. “Another time.”

So Kitty listened.

A few hours later Kitty had to leave though. Emma is probably worried or something.

Another person Kitty disappointed. 

Kitty looked up at the rooftops, the wind blowing harshly against her leaving her hair flying freely behind her

She noticed the bus fame and she boarded it, pulling out her phone. 

Her finger hovered over the send button, hesitantly pressing the arrow button. 

To Carrie🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

> I'm sorry.

That was all she could say. She had no defense. No explanation to give. 

Kitty was horrible, she knew. 

Furthermore, she was selfish. 

So, so selfish. 

Kitty alighted the bus. Not at her usual stop.

It was an actually abandoned building. The rooftop was beautiful, overtaken by nature. It even had some surprisingly nice grafitti and murals.

Most of all, the building was tall. It was an abandoned school after all. 

Kitty climbed up the stairs slowly, stopping at the second floor to find some paper.

She fished out some from a drawer and wrote down a long paragraph. 

Carrie is gorgeous. Silky blonde strands of hair. Doe eyes that either made you feel on top of the world or as if your heart had broken into two. Her skin so smooth, her perfect nose and lips.

To Kitty, every aspect of her was perfect. 

Her personality even. So sweet Kitty was worried about getting diabetes just by being around her. Patient to the point even after an hour of doing the same question, she would still explain it again to Kitty.

Those were some of the things she thought about. 

Before that, she thought of Emma and Noah. 

Noah, who she had gone through so many hardships with. The one who suffered the same fate as her should he come to the wrong decision. 

But he wouldnʼt. Kitty knows Noah enough to know he was logical. He used his head, not his heart. She knew he would be fine if he stuck to that.

It comforted her knowing that. She really treasured all that time they spent together. 

Kitty hoped, no, knew that Noah would be fine. He had to be. 

Then there was Emma, her dearest sister. 

The girl whose been there for her since the first tear she shed. Stuck by her side throughout her life. 

Showed her care not through words, but her actions. Every small gesture meant something. That time Kitty broke down because of a bad breakup with a girl, Emma was there by her side with tissues to wipe her tears.

The time Kitty was struggling with her studies, before meeting Carrie. Emma went through every chapter, every question despite needing to do her own studying. 

Emma, who even through her own horrible breakup with a guy, still helped Kitty get through school and let Kitty rant to her.

Emma was the best sister Kitty could have asked for. 

As Kitty stepped up to the railing, vines wrapped around them, she took a deep breath, and knelt down to remove her shoes. 

Somewhere far from here, all her friends better be having a good time. Noah better have done the right thing for himself. Emma better be with her girlfriend, enjoying life to itʼs fullest.

Carrie better be feeling better than how Kitty left her. Her perfect, lovable self better be making new friends right now. Better be finding a better friend than Kitty.

Kitty bit down on her lip, in a few seconds this would all be over.

Everyone would be happier. 

The flowers in her throat trying to claw their way out had their work done for them. The flowers in her made her lungs burn as she stood on the edge. Those flowerʼs work was completed. Her untimely end was by her own hand. 

Kitty allowed herself to fall forward, legs propelling her forward. She squeezed her eyes shut, it was 4 stories down.

A warm hand gripped Kittyʼs wrist,  stopping her from falling to the ground.

Kitty eyes shot open in a mixture of fear and shock, her head whipped back violently to see a head of blonde hair, tears welled up in their eyes while their free arm hung at their side limply.

Oh. 

Kitty failed again.

“Donʼt do it, please.” 

Chapter Text

Kitty stared back at Carrie. Her legs went weak, causing her to slip slightly.

What was she supposed to do? Apologise in person for the Devin situation? Apologise for trying to commit?

Kitty felt a drop of water hit the space under her eyes where dark circles had formed, probably due to stress.

A few more beads of water trickled down her arms, then her ankles. The sky turned dark and Kitty saw a flash of lightning.

Carrie yanked her back onto the roof, pulling so hard Kitty fell on the ground.

“Why?” Carrie asked, so soft it was barely above a whisper.

Kitty coughed, forcing the flowers to stay down. This was bad enough. She didnʼt need to look any more pitiful than she already did.

How was Kitty meant to answer that?

A million responses ran through her head. “Iʼm tired.” She decided to say.

It wasnʼt a lie anyways.

Carrie parted her lips to say something, but instead, she embraced Kitty in a hug as the rain pelted her back.

“I canʼt even hate you.” Carrieʼs speech was muffled into Kittyʼs shoulder. “Why canʼt I hate you?”

Kitty felt the fabric on her shoulder start to get soaked. Kitty couldnʼt tell if it was tears or rain. That was the beauty of the rain after all.

Kitty hugged back tentatively, hugging Carrie back like she were made of glass.

Was this platonic?

It had to be. If it wasnʼt, Kitty wouldnʼt have flowers clogging up her system.

Kitty had no idea how long they sat there, but the next day she woke up to a gentle sunrise and Carrieʼs. fingers intertwined with hers. 

Oh. This girl really was going to be the death of her. 

Kitty rushed to the broken bathrooms and her there flowers that had accumulated overnight were forced out her mouth. 

Kitty wanted to hydrate her lips but she couldnʼt. The flowers needed a way to escape, blood colored the flowers more vividly as the crimson liquid poured out her throat.

She could feel tears prick her eyes, her lungs felt like they were being lacerated as she clutched the sides of the toilet so hard that her knuckles turned a ghostly white.

She wanted it to stop but at the same time she felt like she dosenʼt deserve it to.

Her legs shook as she tried to stand, as if to protest. Kitty wouldnʼt let that happen, not with the way things went.

She climbed to the rooftop once again, taking in sharp breaths. She could pass out any moment.

Kitty immediately slid back onto the ground next to Carrie.

Her hair was still slightly damp from the rain last night. Somehow she didnʼt feel sick despite being in the rain for who knows how long last night, Kitty should have probably suggested going back into the building before they fell asleep. 

The sunlight shone on Carrieʼs face, causing the blonde to stir.

“... itʼs morning.” Kitty informed her awkwardly, shifting away to put more distance between the two. 

Carrie rubbed her eyes with no response. Kitty hated to admit but that made her a little nervous.

The blonde groaned. “Itʼs so early.. but we probably need to talk about last night.”

Kitty opened her mouth to make a joke but was stopped before she could say anything. “Donʼt– Donʼt make a thatʼs what she said joke.” Carrie deadpanned.

Kitty promptly shut her mouth. “Howʼd you know?”

Carrie chuckled. “How could I not?”

“Seriously though. I still donʼt get why you set Devin up with Shelly. I– I donʼt need an explanation now, Iʼm still mad but I canʼt stop being friends with you.” Carrie maintained eye contact with Kitty even after she finished speaking.

Kitty swallowed nervously. “Thank you.” Was all she could think to say.

“Kitty! Where have you been??” the first thing Kitty heard when she entered her house.

.... She kind of forgot that Emma would be fuming. “I was at a friendʼs!” Kitty defended herself.

“Can you atleast text?? My god I thought you were kidnapped!” Emma scolded.

Kitty didnʼt respond because she had no more energy to expend. If she did, she would rather not argue with her sister.

One good thing is her relationship with Carrie is... somewhat mended. Not completely. Far from completely, actually, but atleast Kitty knew Carrie would not drop her.

The horrible thing is Noah is still hospitalised in an illegal hospital. That is not okay. Kitty still partially wishes Carrie hadnʼt showed up to stop her, but she did.

Noah is probably having a hard time. Kitty wants to text but she knows sheʼll end up giving him more to think about, so she wonʼt.

Still. 

Maybe she could ask Izzy. 

Wait, she didnʼt have her number.

Should Kitty just go to the hospital? She only knows how to get there by foot, from the broken hospital window. She couldnʼt do that no matter how much she wanted to because her legs may refuse to move by the time she was halfway there.

She wonders if Owen knows about Noahʼs condition. Or if the big guy knew where Noah even was. Kitty should tell him.

Should she? Oh god. Kitty never hesitates. She never thinks things over twice. Why is she doing it now?

Owen obviously deserves to know! Right?? Or would that just cause Noah more stress because yet another person will be worrying about him another personʼs opinion to worry about–

How about Alejandro? The other day.. when Kitty took off with Izzy what was Alejandro doing?

He was worried. He was despondent. He was un-Alejandro like in general. He allowed himself to cry in public which Kitty knew definitely was not a good thing.

Alejandro hadnʼt moved to get up when the glass shattering was heard which probably meant he was completely disassociated from life.

If Kitty knew one thing, it would be that she needed to let Alejandro know Noahʼs location.

So be it if Kitty has to suffer on her way to the hospital. 

With newfound determination, Kitty changed into a blue hoodie with a white shirt underneath paired with black shorts. Her hair was pretty tangled up and for once, she went out with it down instead of it done into pigtails or even just a simple ponytail.

She made her way to the hospital and spotted the broken glass window, she walked the path she remembered taking.

Kitty thinks yesterday was the worst day of her life. She could barely breathe yesterday. Both because of her emotions and her throat filled with flowers.

She shook her head to clear out those negative thoughts and stopped infront of the hospital of sorts, panting heavily and propping herself against the wall. 

Kitty texted Alejandro “Come quick,” with her current location attached to the message.

She wondered how disastrous she must have looked right now.

Getting up with a soft groan, she dragged herself and her aching limbs to find Noah. She gripped the lining of the door. A sigh of relief escaped her lips upon seeing Noah alive and kicking.

“What? You thought I died already?” Noah scoffed.

Izzy was still sleeping for some reason. Eva was sleeping, too.

“I had a rough night yesterday– glad to see you, ya know? Sooo.. anything certain yet??” Kitty questioned eagerly, knowing damn well Alejandro could show up any time now.

Noah shrugged. “Iʼve been mulling it over, I guess. I definitely need the extra two days.”

The atmosphere felt so light despite everything. Kitty loved it. 

Noah has clearly been crying though. Just, he probably couldnʼt cry any longer like Kitty.

Kitty decided to say something that would probably break the fragile, light atmosphere. “Hey, I trust you. Please donʼt make a dumb decision like I probably will.” Kitty chuckled dryly.

Noah pursed his lips. “I know.”

“Also why are they asleep?” Kitty jabbed her thumb towards the two sleeping figures next to Noahʼs bed.

“Oh. They stayed up the whole night trying to help me make a choice. They were helpful but I still havenʼt done anything. They got tired and fell asleep while they were in the middle of talking.” Noah explained.

Kitty felt a ghost of a smile on her face. “Thatʼs sweet. I guess YOU havenʼt gotten sleep, huh?”

Noah shook his head. “God no. I donʼt think my brain is alright and neither am I.”

Kitty felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. 

Alejandro has arrived. 

She took another chair from the corner of the room and placed it nearby Noah, trying her best to move Izzy and Eva away slightly. 

“What are you doing?” Noahʼs eyes narrowed at Kitty with suspicion.

Kitty only hummed, she shook Izzy and Eva awake.

Alejandro could find his way here. She texted him quickly to let him know which part of the building to go to.

She was starting to feel guilty but it was too late now. 

Kitty was selfish for doing this, but she has seen Alejandroʼs behaviour towards Noah.

Yes, sheʼs still fucking scared of what could happen, the fear of losing Noah, the fear that she screwed up another thing but she hoped this would work. It had to.

“Heʼs coming.” Kitty whispered, barely manging a smile of encouragement.

Noahʼs eyes widened. “What.”

There stood Alejandro, he looked as beautiful as ever but there was one difference. His eyes had bags under them and they were red, a telltale sign he was crying.

Izzy and Eva had just come to, and their jaws dropped. Noah let out a small squeak, tongue tied.

Kitty bit her bottom lip, she bit so hard it started to bleed. She could taste iron on her tongue.

Please.

“Noah.” Alejandro breathed out.

Noah sat up uncomfortably, unable to do anything but stare at the spaniard. “Are you..?” Alejandro started.

Noah nodded slowly. his actions were full of uncertainty. 

The question was clear. Are you dying?

“Noah, I have to say something. I love you. I love your sarcastic remarks. I love how annoyed you get when I flirt with you. I love how soft your hair looks. I love how peaceful you look when you sleep. The fact you can keep up with me in academics keeps me alert, and makes me fall in love with you even more.” Alejandro takes a step forward, a few more till heʼs right next to Noah. “Please donʼt leave me. I donʼt know what illness ails you but Iʼll do whatever I can to help.”

Noah moved forward quickly, lips colliding with Alejandroʼs.

Izzy cheered loudly. Eva smiled. Actually, smiled, it was the first time Kitty has seen that. 

Kitty herself was grinning so wide her cheeks hurt. 

Alejandro looked surprised but returned the kiss eagerly.

Noah pulled away, panting. “Oh my god. You couldnʼt figure that out earlier?” He laughed.

Alejandro still looked concerned. 

Ohh right. They hadnʼt told him exactly why Noah was dying.

Oops?

“Wait wha–”

“He has or rather, had hanahaki.” Kitty interrupted.

Noahʼs mouth formed and o when he realised what Kitty did.

“Right. Sorry, I didnʼt tell you. Uhm. I had a disease called hanahaki. Basically, flowers grew inside of my lungs because my love for you was unrequited. Not anymore though. Why can I still feel them?” Noah asked worriedly.

Izzy perked up. “Oh! The flowers donʼt just disappear into thin air when you kiss your crush, silly! They disappear overtime!”

Alejandro clearly wasnʼt sure how to react to this information.

Kitty laughs wholeheartedly, happy tears, for once, leaning back into the wall. “Oh my gosh. I fucking love you guys!” She exclaimed happily.

“Querido you were dying because of me?” Alejandro choked out.

“Yeah.” Noah replied nonchalantly.

Alejandro just pulled him close and kissed him. When they broke the kiss, Noah gasped for air.

Noah smirked. “I know you want me but I am still having trouble breathing.”

Alejandro laughed lightly. “My apologies.”

Kitty smiled contently, rising from her chair which caused some screeching from the chair.

Noah and Alejandro were too busy kissing but Izzy and Eva noticed when walked to the door to leave. 

“Where are you going?” Izzy queried sadly.

Kitty turned on her head back, smiling weakly. She was happy but suddenly she felt all the abuse she put her body through today. “Itʼs been a long day. I just need some rest.” She yawned as she walked off.

Kitty got a cab home after realising that she didnʼt really need to save money anymore.

She used alot of force to open the door to the apartment, kicking her shoes off and rushing to her room.

Sheʼs grateful Emma went out to study and go shopping for supplies.

Kitty allowed her body a rest and faceplanted into her soft, comfy bed. The tiredness sunk in after all her nerves were calmed and she could felt pain shoot through her body whenever she moved literally any part of her body.

She still has flowers in her throat. She coughed out a petal pathetically and crushed it in her hand.

Later. 

Later sheʼll deal with it.

She could care less about the fact her throat is hurting like it were being mauled from the inside, or the fact her breathing was ragged. 

Kitty needed rest. Sleep. She was tired. Mentally, alot less since Noahʼs, well, Alejandroʼs successful confession and the talk in the morning she had with Carrie.

She still felt a little shitty because Carrie was still furious at her. Atleast she didnʼt hate her.

All that was enough for her. 

Kitty flipped herself onto her back and shut her eyes. 

She felt at peace. 

Chapter Text

Next weekʼs Monday morning Kitty accidentally coughed out flowers in her bed. There was blood that stained her sleep shirt and flower petals they stuck to it stubbornly.

With a sigh, Kitty changed into her clean clothing and tossed the stained ones into the laundry basket. Emma was out for the whole day, or atleast until 5 so Kitty would just have to be back by then to wash them before her nitpicking sister could see.

Over this week Kitty allowed Carrie space so the blonde could process her thoughts.

It was so worth it because later, they were going to go on a movie run.

Kitty had quite frankly no idea what the hell was going on in her life at this point.

Only Carrie knows about her suicide attempt. It was probably best to keep it that way. She dosenʼt need pity, and she has roots and flowers in her lungs.

Kittyʼs hanahaki has gotten worse. She can feel it everytime she inhales. It hurt like shit.

A sigh escaped her lips, she spared a glance at Noah and his new boyfriend.

She was so glad for them. They were so adorable together– the only downside was that Alejandro had fangirls who were probably jealous of Noah.

It should be fine, Kitty doubted they would go all bat-shit crazy.

If she was being honest, this was the best sheʼd felt since she contracted the disease. Her relationship with Carrie was pretty okay, stable, and Kitty didnʼt have a big secret weighing on her shoulders. Noah was pretty much cured. Kittyʼs been spending a bunch of time with her friends and made an effort to try to hang out with Emma despite her sisterʼs busy schedule.

Sheʼs taken literally more than 100 selfies.

Not like sheʼd need them to remember since–

Okay she really has to stop being so depressing!

Positive point is she could make a really cute scrapbook!

Kitty, with another purpose, decided to go print them out later. She would probably drop by the art supply store later seeing as she dosenʼt actually have a book to use to scrapbook. The only thing she had was glue but that was also almost all gone.

Kitty sat through the school day, not paying any mind to the lessons. She never really did anyways. Occasionally she went to the toilet and went through the painful process of throwing up flowers into the toilet bowl.

She had to be extra quiet. Especially when she saw a few girls from her class in there. Whatever they assumed would not be good.

Whenever anyone asked why she kept going she said she wanted to use her phone. Technically that was true because she did stick around in the stall to use her phone.

Eventually the long awaited moment of the end of school came. 

The first breath of air that was no on school campus made Kitty feel free. Literally something made the air feel lighter to breathe and her body felt light as a feather.

Kitty strolled to the convenience store, in search of a snack. She browsed the shelves, looking at all the sugary snacks.

Chocolate biscuits. Cosmic brownies. Maybe Hi-chew? Kitty kind of wanted hubba bubba now. She likes the original hubba bubba tape.

She took one off the shelf and went to see all of the drinks. She was thirsty. There were also a few meals and snacks she could see.

She loved bubble tea. The convenience store bubble tea was super sweet but Kitty didnʼt mind, she actually liked it. She grabbed the bottle, wondering if she should pick something up for her movie run with Carrie later.

Kitty decided to grab another bottle to give Carrie later.

A few cute bear cakes caught Kittyʼs eye. It was chocolate with vanilla filling inside. They looked so amazing and tasty, Kitty couldnʼt stop her hand from reaching out for one. She had a major sweet tooth, no one could blame her.

She took 2. Kitty brought her items to the counter, the cashier was a young woman who wore gold hoop earrings and a septum piercing. She had long, blonde hair that was done in a a ponytail and she looked kinda hot.

Damn, Kitty really had a thing for blondes. She also really loved the piercings, they looked cool.

Kitty was off guard when she felt something trying to pop out of her throat, needless to say she was not prepared. She tried her best to suppress it but ultimately one singular petal managed to get out.

She quickly swiped the petal off the counter, but it didnʼt escape the eyes of the blonde cashier who was still scanning her items.

“Hanahaki.” The cashier murmured softly.

Without a word, the blonde standing before Kitty slid a box over to her. It had a few cough drops on the label of three different colours, yellow, light green and blue.

Kitty gave the cashier a puzzled look.

“They help soothe it, but only slightly. Itʼs not much but it helps.” The cashier explained.

Kitty muttered a silent thank you. She passed the blonde her money. The nice cashier said the cough drops were free, saying Kitty should spend her money on enjoyment instead. 

She exited the shop and recognised someone. 

“Cassie?” Kitty said uncertainly.

Cassie turned around. “Oh! Youʼre that girl I made out with!”

Kitty grinned. “Round 2?”

Cassie laughed. “In all fairness, youʼre a good kisser.”

“Same to you!” Kitty smiled.

“You know after that night you helped me realised I was being a pathetic little bitch. Then I called my ex and now I have girlfriend.” Cassie stated proudly, a smug smirk on her face.

“Oh! Thatʼs great!” Kitty cheered happily. “Wait what are you doing here?”

Cassie nodded at the convenience store Kitty literally just exited. “My sister works there, I just came to give her her phone charger.”

“Ohhh. Nice seeing you, I need to go now,” Kitty smiled.

They parted ways. 

Hotness was definitely in the genes, clearly. 

Everyone was getting their life together while Kitty was stuck in the same place. Even strangers, hot strangers, were too.

Was Kitty really such a disaster? Sure, sheʼd begun to pick up the pieces but she still had alot of things to work through. Even if she did, would it really matter in the end?

There were many things to consider. Kitty dosenʼt know if she should just give up and just try to cherish whatever time she had left and spend it with Carrie instead of hopelessly trying to get with her.

Kitty also knew something. Her lovedar was amazing. When she found Shelly, she could tell her and Devin wouldnʼt last long, but they would be happy in that short time they were together.

She knew couples like that. Kitty saw the way they acted. It was a bound to only last 2 or 3 months, if it lasted longer then one of them would probably have cheated. 

Kitty just wanted to buy time. Buy time to win Carrie over. 

Time would never be enough.

She knew that. 

Kitty went back to her house. She refrigerated the drinks, waiting for 7pm to roll around so she could head out. 

She feels like sheʼs forgetting something important but she canʼt seem to figure out what.

If Kitty couldnʼt remember it, it probably wasnʼt too important. She decided to brush off the feeling and clear out her throat.

Kitty went to Carrieʼs house. She left whatever forgotten important task she had behind in the confines of her house.

She found herself just standing dumbly infront of Carrieʼs door.

Was this really the best idea? Carrie probably stilll held something against her and.. they hadnʼt discussed much about Kittyʼs attempt either. There were no buffers like one or two mutual friends.

Kitty felt her leg move on itʼs own, it took one small step back. Her mind was telling her to run.

If Carrie didnʼt want to see her why would she be invited over?

Kitty scolded herself internally, bringing her leg back to itʼs original position.

She pointedly ignored the horrid thoughts that plagued her mind of Carrie hating her so much the blond would seek revenge. 

She rapped on the door a few times, plastic bag sliding down a little when she did.

The door opened. Kitty suddenly felt whatever anxiety or fear dissipate at the sight of Carrieʼs warm smile.

“Whatʼs that?” Carrie inquired, pointing her pointer finger at the bag Kitty was carrying.

Kitty blinked. “Oh! I got drinks from the convenience store earlier and I saw really adorable bear cakes– and I had to get them!”

Carrie giggled. “Of course you did.”

Kitty went into the house. She noticed a small notebook sitting on the TV stand. 

Ah. She forgot to her the materials for her scrapbook. That was probably what she was forgetting earlier. 

Guess it would have to wait till tommorow then. Not like Kitty could go back in time.

Kitty also brought the cough drops she got for free. She wasnʼt sure if they worked yet as she didnʼt really try it so she decided to try it out now. Atleast if it worked, she could have a better time with Carrie. If it didnʼt, then Carrieʼs presence would cheer her up.

It was a win-win situation.

Oh, they also have adorable cakes to eat!

Kitty and Carrie sat side by side on the grey sofa, atop the coffe table was their drinks and cakes.

They were going to watch romance movies. 

There of them.

Kitty put a cough drop in her mouth before the movie began to play.

They sat in silence, an uncomfortable one. There was an elephant in the room that needed addressing but Kitty really would rather not talk about how she was feeling that day. Hell, she couldnʼt even mention her deadly disease that was the root cause of her problems because Carrie didnʼt know about it!

If she told Carrie, the blonde would wonder why Kitty hadnʼt told her, given how close they are, and connect the dots. Carrie wasnʼt an idiot.

The cough drops tasted like sweet honey, surprisingly. Kitty could feel her throat was more at ease and she had a better time breathing to some extent. 

Oh thank god they did something useful. 

Kitty held back a sigh of relief as the main couple in the show fought, that would be weird. 

Kitty was getting super invested until her show was abruptly stopped with a click of the remote. 

Stopped by none other then Carrie. 

Kitty raised an eyebrow at Carrie. 

“Can we please talk about it?” Carrie pleaded.

Her plea was met with silence for a good 5 seconds before Kitty bit her lip and decided to grow a pair.

“Yeah okay.” Kitty responded.

Carrie made Kitty look at her, hand gripping her chin. 

“Why?” was all Carrie said. She knows the answer she provided Carrie with was painfully vague and just depressing.

Seems she had to give a better one. “Well for starters I just.. you were mad at me and your my best friend. Noah had some.. stuff to go through and he may have left. Emmaʼs going to law school really soon. Schoolʼs getting hard and I guess..” She trailed off.

She purposely didnʼt specify what left meant when she mentioned Noah.

Carrie slumped her shoulders, her face didnʼt seem to pity Kitty, but to comfort her instead.

Kitty almost exploded. 

“You know I can never stay mad at you for long, Kitty. Even if you did set Devin up, you probably have your reasons and.. I donʼt want you to give up on life.” Carrie said firmly, her hands now clasped around both of Kittyʼs. “I love you as my best friend and I would do anything to help you if you need anything right now.”

 I love you. 

Kitty knew she meant it platonically, considering the “as my best friend” but it still made her heart rate speed up.

Kitty gulped. “T-thanks I would do anything for you too..”

Carrie smiled. “Now that we settled that, we can get back to the movie?”

Kitty hummed in agreement.

Carrie knows her well. Knows Kitty dosenʼt deal with negative emotions well so she kept it short, simple yet straightforward. Kitty loved that she did that.

The rest of their night went amazing. They laughed so much, and Kitty felt fucking happy.

Devin didnʼt come up even once.

Kitty knew it was wrong that made her feel good but she honestly didnʼt have the energy to care.

She browsed her phone, seeing a few intriguing posts.

She heard from Noah that Alejandro apparently really hates Owen. Like, a ton. 

Kitty was genuinely so shocked. Who could hate Owen?? The guy was the most innocent, fun guy Kitty ever met!

Noah said Alejandro called Owen a “gigantic oaf”

Not infront of Noah. He was at Alejandroʼs place and Noah happened to overhear hear him sending a vent to Heather.

Kitty suggested confronting the spaniard, but Noah said heʼd do something eventually.

She huffed in annoyance when she saw his message and struggled for a moment to unlock her door. 

Kitty stumbled into her house, placing her shoes neatly onto the shoe rack. She walked quietly so upon noticing Emma was sleeping on the couch.

She noticed her shirt sitting on the table, infront of Emma.

The one with blood and flowers on it.

Oh. 

Thatʼs what she forgot to do. 

Chapter Text

Kitty felt heart rate pick up, her palms becoming clammy.

There had to be a way out of this. 

Kitty knows she annoys Emma– thatʼa because Emma is her sister. She still knows not to disturb Emma when sheʼs studying, or whenever she had a serious look on her face.

Kitty knows her situation is bad and she hates pity. Moreover, she dosenʼt want Emma to fret over her or worry about her, what if Emma fell behind in her studies? Or what if Kitty found out Emma cared more about her studies than her? 

She wants her sister to be able to achieve her life-long dream, becoming a lawyer. That depended heavily on Emmaʼs academics and knowing about Kittyʼs condition would only put her behind.

Emma wanted to go the best law school, it was overseas and obviously Kitty supported her. 

How the fuck was Kitty even supposed to come up with an excuse for her shirt being stained with blood, possibly saliva and petals that were soaked in blood. Hell, the colour was barely visible at this point and only a few splashes of yellow could be seen amongst the blood.

Okay. It was fine. Kitty could do... something. She could take the shirt off the table, pluck off the petals and stick it in the washing machine. After she dried it and it was all clean and pristine, she could place it back like how it was on the table. 

Worst case scenario, Emma would think she was hallucinating or had a concussion. That wasnʼt true anyways so Kitty figured this solution would work. She slowly put one foot infront of the other, making basically no noise.

Kitty placed a tentative hand on the collar of the shirt. Emma made no movements, so she used more force.

She winced at the sound of the fabric rubbing against the table.

Emma started to stir. Shit. Hurry Kitty hurry.

Emma cracked any eye open and Kitty tossed instinctually chucked the shirt onto the ground. Unfortunately, it hadnʼt traveled that far and lay about 3 feet away from Kitty.

“Hey, ” Kitty managed to say, trying her best to sound casual.

Emma blinked a few times, looking around. Kitty stepped to the side to try and block the shirt from her view. 

“Your shirt..” Emma mumbled. “Why did it have bloodstains? Are people bullying you– did you get into a fight?”

Kitty was a little offended that getting herself into a fight was even on the table. She would never fight someone. Still, she just now decided to try and gaslight Emma despite the still dirtied shirt on so she couldnʼt really defend her honour.

“What? What stain?” Kitty asked, feigning confusion.

Emma pointed at the shirt on the ground. “That.” She deadpanned.

Kitty laughed awkwardly and picked up the shirt, showing the clean part. “I donʼt see anything!”

“It was on the table, Kitty I know youʼre hiding something. Youʼve been acting weird, like weirder than usual.” Emma stated, arms folded. “Can you just tell me whatʼs going on?”

Kitty wishes she could make Emma revert to her 12 year old self. Then again, 12 year old Emma would still act like this and be as alert as she was now. “Itʼs nothing! Really– I just... someone.. threw up on me?” Kitty lied poorly.

Well technically it COULD have happened. Kitty always went to parties but she would rather not get thrown up on drunk or not.

Emma pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a sigh. “Youʼre a terrible liar. I wonʼt be angry. I donʼt even care if you got into some sort of gang fight at this point, I just need to know whatʼs going on with you.”

Kitty bit her lip nervously as her fingers dug into the shirt, turning the fabric into something of a stressball.

“Can we just drop it? Iʼm kind of hungry, we should order something.” Kitty suggested, attempting to redirect the conversation.

Emma snatched the shirt out of Kittyʼs hands and unrolled it to reveal the stains.

“You are not getting out of this, Kitty. Tell me or I will search your room.”

Kitty dosenʼt know why, but something in her snapped. Not necessarily due to her sister, more of her life in general and honestly she still feels a little bit disassociated from life.

“Just leave me alone! Okay? You wouldnʼt know how to help even if I told you! You always push and push and push whenever you see the tiniest sign of something weird! Nothingʼs going on Emma! Donʼt act like you didnʼt shut yourself out after the jake incident!” Kitty snarled. 

Kitty immediately regretted bringing up Jake. She also regretted even saying anything.

Emma stared at her, rendered speechless. Kitty could see just how appalled? Offended? Hurt? she was.

“Excuse me for being concerned. You know what happened with Jake, why would you bring that up?!” Emma shouted.

Kitty swears she is not in control of whatever comes out of her mouth. “I donʼt know! Iʼm going through alot right now can you just leave me alone?? Your problems are done, the baby trap didnʼt work, the love bombing didnʼt work!”

“Iʼm still in therapy Kitty! You may be going through whatever you wonʼt tell me but you canʼt fucking dismiss my problems and lash out at me!” Emma pushed past gritted teeth.

Kitty watched as her sisterʼs expression became grim. She felt a flower get lodged in her throat.

Not now.. not now, please not now. Kitty hands clutched her neck, trying to prevent it from falling past her lips.

Some external force out there is against her because apparently she delayed the flowers for far too long.

She couldnʼt make out whatever Emma was saying. Flowers smeared with a dark shade of red that forcefully made their way out of Kittyʼs system.

The rough petals rubbed against her already maimed throat, making it feel like torment.

She couldnʼt breathe. There were too many flowers.

Saliva dripped out of Kittyʼs mouth as she was forced to keep it open to allow the flowers an escape. Drops of blood plummeted to the ground relentlessly, splattering on the floor.

Kitty ended up with a pile of flowers infront of her, red and a constant reminder of her fate. 

Kitty risked a glance at her sister. 

Emma looked repulsed at the sight, like she wanted to puke.

Of course. What did Kitty expect?

At this point Kitty was just as sickening as the mess that was infront of her.

“Kitty what the fuck? What is happening to you?” Emma choked out.

Kitty looked at the ground, panting heavily. “Iʼm dying because of the love of my life. Happy? Can I go enjoy whatever time I have left?”

“What do you mean? What– why?” Emma questioned, confused and distressed. “Why are there flowers coming out of you?”

Kitty could taste metal on her tongue. A familiar taste that was weirdly bringing her comfort right now. She was too used to it.

“I told you, because I love Carrie, there are flowers growing inside of my lungs. I know you though. Your my sister. You donʼt believe me do you? You use your head more than your heart.” Kitty spat bitterly.

The slightly parted lips and the look in Emmaʼs eyes told Kitty everything. Kitty was right.

Emma moved closer to Kitty who had since fallen to the ground and had her back against the couch. “If I told you I was throwing flowers up because I loved someone, would you believe me? I want to but I love someone and–”

“She dosenʼt love me back!” Kitty shouted. “If she did, I wouldnʼt be in this state. You know what? I donʼt care if you believe me anymore. Just donʼt call me crazy and we can get back to our normal lives tommorow morning.” Kittyʼs voice was shaky.

“I canʼt just leave you! Even if what youʼre saying isnʼt or is true Iʼm still concerned for you! I just saw you throw up fucking flowers but still I–”

“You canʼt be having a crisis right now. I already said we can just forget–” Kitty interrupted, and was interrupted after interrupting Emma. 

“I want to help! Somehow! I–” Emma cut herself off, unsure of what to say next.

Kitty stood up. “Then just leave me alone! I wish I didnʼt have a sister so I could die without fucking pity or being talked to like Iʼm isane!”

Kitty slammed two hands over her mouth a few seconds after she yelled that out. The loud sound of it echoed throughout the room.

Then silence. 

“Fine then.” Emma said, Kitty could hear no emotions in her voice.

She could see the singular tear that rolled down Emmaʼs cheek. Emma turned, and started to walk away to her room.

“Emma! Wait–” the door slammed.

Kittyʼs hand fell limply.

God, she was a real piece of shit. Why did she say that? She would not be here without Emma how could she say that?

Kitty broke down into tears, sitting in her own room. 

10 minutes later she heard the door open and heard the lock click, sounds accompanied by footsteps and rustling. 

Kitty wanted to starve herself to death but until she apologised to Emma she couldnʼt do that. A suicide note wouldnʼt make up for the words Kitty said. It was selfish even.

Kitty ordered Chinese takeout. She ordered one for Emma by accident, because they always ordered together. 

Salty tears went into Kittyʼs mouth as she stuffed pieces of food in it to satisfy her non-existent appetite.

Only a lamp beside the couch illuminated the seemingly giant room. Kittyʼs face was half lit up, her takeout sitting sadly infront of her as she stabbed it with the chopsticks.

She already misses Emma.

. 

Kitty decided to stay in her outside clothes. She didnʼt have the energy to clean herself up. She didnʼt think she deserved to feel clean.

Kitty dosenʼt know what possessed her, but she went to the bathroom and picked up a razor.

She stared at it. 

No.

Hanahaki was already harming her. 

She didnʼt need to do it herself.

Kitty simply dropped the razor, allowing it to fall to the floor. 

Kitty shouldnʼt commit suicide. She knew that well. Sheʼs decided to suffer through the full duration of this disease and watch her life crash and burn.

To survive, but not live. She dosenʼt think she deserves to relieve her pain.

Kitty tucked the note she had originally planned to leave under her pillow and stared up at the ceiling. 

Her phone lit up with a notification from Courtney. 

From Courtney 🔥

> Emma is at mine. I thought you may want to know.

> You should make up with her.

Kitty reacted to the first message with a thumbs-up and started going through her old selfies.

They brought her the comfort she craved. 

Her mind drifted off to sleep not long after. 

Chapter Text

Kitty didnʼt get that much sleep. She woke up an hour after she managed to drift to sleep. After she woke up, she went back to the living room and stared at the front door like Emma would materialise infront of her. 

Not that it was to Kittyʼs surprise but her sister didnʼt turn up that night, or in the morning.

God, Kitty hated herself so much. When she fixed something she went and fucked up another. Their fight wasnʼt even something small, Emma saw Kitty throwing up flowers and blood. Then Kitty said alot.. particularly things she shouldnʼt have.

She has no idea how to fix this gigantic mess. Kitty feels compelled to try something drastic again but she wonʼt. Who knows if Emma was even going to come back. For all Kitty knows, Emma could just abandon her and stay with Courtney for the rest of her life.

Kitty dosenʼt want that to happen but if thatʼs what Emma's does, she wonʼt really protest. Kittyʼs done enough.

With her many absences in mind, Kitty walked to school. Her footsteps were heavy the whole way through, she didnʼt even use her phone.

“Hey Kitty!” Mickey called out.

Kitty managed a smile that didnʼt reach her eyes. “Hi!”

“I just wanted to say thank you for going on that date with me awhile ago! I think it helped me out with figuring my sexuality so Iʼm really glad you agreed that time.” Mickey said, Kitty searched his eyes for any sign of deceit incase this was only because Kitty looked down, but she found nothing.

Kitty smiled, for real this time. “Really? Iʼm so glad! Thatʼs great Mickey!” She cheered.

Kitty was so happy she actually helped someone as opposed to hurting them, or possibly ruining their life. Even if helping him wasnʼt really intentional, it still counted as a win to Kitty.

After that, Mickey went off to... somewhere. Kitty didnʼt know because her eyes didnʼt follow him.

Well thatʼs one thing she did right. Now she just needs to find out how sheʼs going to apologise to Emma.

She had no idea what to say about her hanahaki. Where would she been begin with it? Not likstthShe    The bombing was   believed it was real.

Kitty was half convinced that her sister had convinced herself she was hallucinating when she had been talking to Kitty.

So, Kitty went to the only person who knows what itʼs like. She hates herself for having to dampen Noahʼs amazing mood with a reminder of the disease and her whining about it.

Thatʼs how Kitty ended up meeting with him in an empty classroom at 5pm.

“Hey, so, whatʼs up?” Noah queried, voice laced with concern. He was was sitting on Kittyʼs desk while Kitty sat on the chair, dejected. 

Kitty sighed. “I think I fucked up more. I fought with Emma. Like, not the usual fun fights but a serious one and she hasnʼt come back home. She crashed at her girlfriendʼs.”

Noah winced. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, clearly conflicted about how to respond. “That sucks. What was the fight about?”

Kitty recalled the fight from start to finish. Including how it started, which was her stupid bloody shirt. If she and her goldfish brain just remember about the shirt this never would have happened. Sheʼs so fucking dumb.

If only she just stayed at Carrieʼs. Kitty would have been happy there, and then in the morning Emma would have succumbed to sleep and she could have washed the shirt, nothing would have happened.

By the end of it, Noah was lost in thought and had atleast a dozen solutions running through his head.

Kitty was hoping for quite literally anything.

Sheʼs going to jump off a fucking building again if she canʼt fix this.

Not really. Sheʼs just sad right now.

“You should just tell her whatʼs going on. Everything. You have to make her believe hanahaki is real. Iʼll back you up if you need it.” Noah suggested.

Kitty gulped. Everything was alot. Including the roof incident which would not repeat itself but she shouldnʼt tell Emma about that. That could be kept secret and only be known by herself and Carrie. Of course Carrie.

Why wouldnʼt Carrie know afterall?

“But I said alot! Like.. I donʼt think me bringing Jake and the baby trapping stuff is okay.”

Kitty remembers Jake.

She remembers how many gifts Emma came home with, all of them usually lavish. She watched Jake shower her with compliments practically every second of the day and pump her full of false confidence.

Heʼd even gone as far as saying I love you a month into the relationship. Emma gushed about him all the time about how she loved him so much and would do anything for him. It was a weird phase of life for Emma, compared to her composed, logical self. 

Gradually he started coming over more. Kitty walked in on them making out, she saw how high up his hand was on Emmaʼs thigh.

At the time, she thought it was normal. Normal relationship things.

Then more stuff happened. One day, Kitty walked into Emmaʼs room to steal some paper from her and while she was looking around, she noticed a condom on the ground. It had holes in it.

Kitty thought that was normal. She was disgusted when she found it but she figured something happened so she didnʼt bring it up to Emma.

Then she slowly, everytime she went into Emmaʼs room, she noticed a new one with holes.

That was abnormal. 

So, Kitty finally told Emma about it.

Of course, Emma didnʼt believe her. Said Kitty was delusional and Jake wouldnʼt do that on purpose.

Oh, how wrong she was. 

At some point in time, according to Emma, he convinced her not to use protection. Emma said at the time, she was just filled with overwhelming affection for him, what with all the gifts and compliments.. so she agreed. He also became more demanding and asked for more favours from Emma.

It happened more. Emma became more tired. Eventually Emma managed to piece together what he was trying to do. Mostly because of Kitty somehow.

Kitty brought up love bombing to Emma one day after she told Zoey not to date some super toxic guy. She had explained how love bombing was giving someone like alot of attention and affection to control them. Then Kitty somehow got onto the topic of baby trapping because Dakota warned her about it.. as if Kitty needed to worry.

Emma was staring into space when she finished explaining then suddenly she shouted holy shit, jumped out of her seat and stomped off.

Kitty didnʼt know what had gone down until Emma came back with tears running down her face.

That night, she let Emma complain for 2 hours and silently listened as a movie played in the background.

Kitty hated that Emma shut herself off from romance after that. She was just grateful Courtney came into their lives and Emma managed to move on. 

That was a horrible time. Kitty didnʼt know why she even brought it up.

Noah inhaled sharply. “I guess you have to apologise. Bring her a gift. Something to apologise.”

Kitty chewed her lip and tore some of the skin off. She should really stop this habit. “I donʼt know.. I guess I can try.”

Noah gave her a small yet comforting smile. After that, they talked awhile more. Kitty didnʼt mention her attempt, though it weighed heavily on her mind and she wanted to tell him but that would only cause problems.

Once they parted, Kitty just wanted to see Carrie. So she did.

Sheʼs selfish.

“Kitty! You came at such a good time! Devinʼs here!” Carrie greeted her cheerfully.

Oh. 

“I know he has a girlfriend but.. Iʼm still happy heʼs here. Weʼre baking right now wanna join?” She smiled brightly.

Kitty canʼt say no to that smile. “Ah, sure.”

For now, Kitty will allow herself this happiness. Emma probably wonʼt be forgiving her this soon anyways.

Devin seemed to be mixing something, and Carrie went to join. Kitty dug out an apron and secured the strings around her waist.

“Yo Kitty! Shellyʼs been great by the way!” Devin said.

Carrieʼs smiled faltered a little. Kitty held back a wince.

Kitty hummed. “Thatʼs good..”

“Weʼre baking cupcakes by the way! I guess I should have mentioned that earlier,” Carrie chirped as she hopped over to the oven and adjusted the settings.

Kitty grinned. “Oh my gosh. Can I make the frosting!?”

“Totally dude!” Devin agreed.

Carrie nodded aswell. “I think all the stuff is in the fridge.”

Kitty felt a bulge in her throat. She gulped and forced it down, silently making her way to the fridge to take out all the ingredients. 

Kitty had to say, she had a great time. Even with Devin there. Sure, Kitty wasnʼt the guyʼs biggest fan per say but she still liked talking to him. Plus, Carrie was there which automatically cheered Kitty up.

They ended up flinging around some batter. It left Devin with globs of cupcake better in his previously clean and puffy hair. Carrie had only gotten it on her apron somehow. Kitty had the batter primarily on her face and neck. 

“My hair!” Devin whined.

Carrie laughed. “Itʼs okay! You still look fine!”

Kitty chuckled. “Donʼt be so dramatic! You can wash up later, that was so fun!”

“For who?” Devin grumbled, attempting to clean his hair with a paper towel.

Carrie sighed fondly. “Donʼt act like you werenʼt smiling a few moments ago.”

Devin cracked a smile. 

So did Kitty. 

She wishes she could have this feeling everyday. 

The three took out the cupcakes. 

Kitty decided to do the decorating because she loved it. Carrie wanted to join and Devin went to go wash up. 

Kitty grabbed a piping bag and put the chocolate frosting inside. 

“Hey Kitty?” Carrie piped up.

Kitty was focused mostly on the cupcake. “Hm?”

Carrie stopped frosting the cupcake and turned to face Kitty fully. She grabbed Kittyʼs chin and turned her head towards her.

“Youʼre a really good friend.” Carrie gave her those sincere, earnest eyes Kitty could never seem to pry her gaze from and a soft smile Carrie rarely showed to anyone.

Kitty almost exploded. 

“Y-you too! What.. what brought this up?”

Carrie shrugged nonchalantly as if she didnʼt just almost make Kitty combust on the spot. “I donʼt really know. I wish today could just last forever, ya know? I feel like...Iʼm running out of time or something.”

Kitty knows that feeling very well. Infact, just now before Devin went to the bathroom she hacked up a ball of flowers into Carrieʼs toilet. Any evidence of it was gone though, she cleaned it up thoroughly.

“I get that feeling too.” Kitty murmured.

Carrie lightly rested her head on Kittyʼs shoulder. “That makes the two of us then.”

Kitty put all her energy into the cupcake, because if she didnʼt, she would have blurted out a confession.

The cupcakes tasted fairly good. For amateurs, that is. Moist and soft with only a slightly crunchy exterior. The chocolate frosting was paired with oreo crumbs and  small edible candy flowers.

Kitty eventually had to leave. 

The moment she did, reality hit her like a truck. 

Emma. She.. she fooled around too much. She shouldnʼt even feel happiness after pulling a stunt like that.

She needs to go apologise now. 

She can only hope Emma forgives her. 

Like that, Kitty first went to get her sisterʼs favourite pastries from her favourite bakery and a small gift for Courtney.

After that, she texted Courtney for Emmaʼs location and went there as fast as she could go.

She wonʼt blame Emma if she isnʼt forgiven.

But she has to try. 

Chapter Text

Kitty held the pastry box in her hands nervously. Kitty wasnʼt one to bottle up her emotions but sheʼs really anxious about this.

What if something slips out again and she makes Emma hate her forever? She really wants it to go well though.

Kitty obviously cares for her sister dearly. Sheʼs 99% sure this will go well, or atleast her sister would forgive her. She has to clear any lingering doubt in her mind or she will inevitably screw it up.

She used her left hand to support the box and knocked on the door a few times. She was lucky Courtney liked her and treated her like a little sister.

She retracted her hand and stared at the door like it would come to life. It did not, but Courtney came out. Literally, not as in came out as in out of the closet.

“Kitty! You brought pastries huh? Good thinking. Sheʼs in a good mood right now.” Courtney remarked.

Kitty smiled. “Thatʼs good. I bought you something too. Itʼs tiramisu!” She winked playfully.

Courtney grinned. “Wow, thanks. You should probably go talk to Emma now though.. I donʼt know what you two fought about but–”

Kitty nodded. “I know..” She muttered.

Courtney stepped aside to let Kitty in and allowed the selfie enthusiast to carefully place the box of pastries onto her dining table and take out Emmaʼs most beloved chocolate éclairs.

Courtney gave Kitty a reassuring smile before looking for utensils to eat the tiramisu with.

Kitty padded into the room with the plate of pastries, her teeth tearing into her bottom lip.

She should stop this habit. Her lips have turned red every now and then she could taste blood. 

Kitty needs to stop trying to escape this situation. 

Emma didnʼt turn back to look at Kitty and kept her eyes fixated on her book.

Kitty sighed. 

“Emma.” Kitty called out.

Emmaʼs head reluctantly snapped in Kittyʼs direction.

Kitty glanced down at the pastries before meeting her gaze. “P-peace offering?” Kitty weakly offered.

Emma gave her a deadpan look, but Kitty could see the centimetre of her lips that betrayed her and twitched upwards. “Iʼll hear you out.”

Kitty put the pastries on the ground next to Emma and sat infront of her.

Courtneyʼs room was cute. Her bed was next to Emmaʼs head, plain white, silk sheets and a grey pillow. A teddy bear rested against said pillow, it was petite.

Her walls were burnt sienna, if Kitty remembered right, that was Courtneyʼs favourite colour. A desk with many drawers were behind Kittyʼs head and a clean laptop atop it. The rest of the room was made of bookshelves and her windowsill had a few cute plants.

Emma gingerly picked up the éclair and took a bite out of it. 

Somehow all the tension seeped out her shoulders. Kitty smiled.

“Iʼm sorry. I wasnʼt thinking straight at the time! I really am sorry, I never ever meant to bring up... him– I know that time was really bad for you. I guess I was just really tired that day. Can we please not fight? I want to help you move on from that asshole. Completely.” Kitty said sincerely, her voice was stable which surprised her.

Emma sighed. “I accept your apology. I am moving on, already. I have a beautiful girlfriend and all I need is some time. I am forever holding this against you for a favour, by the way.” Emma paused briefly. Kitty opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted. “Thatʼs not the only thing Iʼm mad about though.”

Kitty gave her a puzzled look, too tongue-tied to use her actual words. She was still celebrating, mentally, Emma forgave her so quickly.

“You. Your flower thing. Something was wrong. I know it seemed like I didnʼt believe it but I saw it. What is that? Why didnʼt you tell me? You were the one who said I needed to open up more. Thatʼs why I managed to get Courtney. So why the hell are you being a hypocrite? Can you tell me whatʼs going on in your life?” Emma snapped.

Kitty chewed on her top lip. Halfway through that, she had had already torn off whatever was left on her very beat-up bottom lip.

Fuck. Did she actually have to reveal her hanahaki to another person?

Emma shouldnʼt be worrying about her. “Oh. Itʼs nothing. I ate something weird that day.” Kitty lied through her teeth.

“Stop lying!” Emma raised her voice. “I saw the blood, Kitty. I saw that so long ago, what the fuck is going on? I saw the first bloodstain then I saw you coughing up blood and flowers. We both know youʼre lying.”

Kitty cursed under her breath. “You shouldnʼt worry about this when you have to prepare for law school. Itʼll be the least of your worries in no time.”

That technically was not a lie. Kitty knows her throat is fucking raw, and she has to put in alot of effort to make her voice sound regular. If she didnʼt, she would sound like a croaking frog.

That was already bad. Moreover, it was no longer just petals and blood. It was full flowers. Kitty has no idea why the disease is progressing so much faster than Noahʼs did?

Infact, she didnʼt know shit about this disease. Just how in love did you have to be to contract this thing? So in love you refuse to lose feelings even if you die? Then the surgery option was pointless, wasnʼt it?

The fact Kitty was already so far along was bad. Her time was sparse. That was what she knew. That was all she knew.

Emma took Kittyʼs wrist with her hand. “I donʼt care, Kitty! You said something about dying! You said something about heartbreak– how the fuck can I not worry?? The more you donʼt tell me, the worse Iʼll assume!”

Kitty froze, blinking tears out of her eyes. “Hanahaki.” Kitty choked out softly.

“Hanahaki?” Emma echoed with confusion.

Kitty nodded. “Itʼs a disease. I got a crush on Carrie, maybe a a very big one, and hanahaki happened. Flowers will grow in your lungs and when it grows up fully, the roots will seal your lungs shut and you canʼt breathe.” Kitty explained.

Emmaʼs jaw dropped, the grip around Kittyʼs wrist loosening.

Then suddenly, Kitty was enveloped in a hug. 

Kitty knew Emma wasnʼt big on physical affection. Kitty was always hugging her.

It felt nice to be on the receiving end. 

“You idiot. Why didnʼt you tell me?” Emmaʼs voice shook, and Kitty could tell she was starting to cry.

“You should be happy! Not worrying about little olʼ me!” Kitty replied weakly, trying to lighten the mood.

“Is there any way you can get rid of it.. surgery? I– I canʼt imagine life without you, Kit.” Emma queried.

“There is, but I just canʼt do it. I love her too much.” Kitty admitted. “Please donʼt try convincing me to do it. Iʼm so tired.”

Emma opened her mouth to say something in protest, but she shook her head as if telling herself not to.

“Iʼm always here for you. You know that right? Like you were there for me when Jake happened. I canʼt lose you, Kitty. If that girl dosenʼt love you back...” Emma trailed off. “I canʼt agree with your decision to not get the surgery. Iʼm going to try getting you onboard, but I wonʼt force you to get it.”

Kitty was tearing up. “God. Emma. Thank you. For everything. I need to say that before–”

“Donʼt,” Emma interrupted her. “Youʼll stay alive, I promise. I will donate you my lungs if it comes down to it.”

Emma looked too serious about that for Kittyʼs liking. 

Kitty shook her head frantically. “You canʼt Emma! I brought this on myself I– I  donʼt, you donʼt deserve to die because Iʼm being stubborn!”

Emma pursed her lips. “Then neither of us will. You have to promise me you wonʼt go. You have to promise that you either get that girl– or go do the surgery. Please.”

Kitty felt her heart shatter. She hated this. Why did she have to choose? She didnʼt want to leave anything behind. She just wanted her old life back. She wanted her carefree life back.

Her feelings are fucking stupid for making her fall for someone who wonʼt ever love her back. She didnʼt want to leave her friends, family and Carrie behind by moving on from this world– but she canʼt leave behind her love for Carrie either.

It hurts.

All she can do is pretend it dosenʼt.

“I will. I promise I wonʼt die.” Kitty allowed the lie to fall past her lips. A lie like this would only soothe Emma for awhile, but it was better than nothing at all.

Emma offered Kitty a tight smile. “Good. If not, Iʼll drag you back here and kill you again.”

Emma came back to the apartment. 

Kitty has to pretend not to hear her sobs all night long. 

Worst part is she knows exactly what theyʼre about. 

. 

From Carrie🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

> Devin and Shelly broke up!

> Is it bad to want to try seeing how he feels for me?

> Oh my god, please meet me at our fav cafe at 2!

> I need help!

New problem. 

Kitty has no idea why she feels a stab in her heart. She should be used to this by now. 

Sheʼs not though.

Everytime she gets her hopes up, something new happens between Carrie and Devin. Itʼs always Devin, Devin and Devin.

It pains Kitty seeing how happy he makes Carrie, but Kitty loves seeing Carrie happy even if itʼs not with her. She dosenʼt have any room to complain.

Kitty feels flowers work their way up her wounded throat.

She rushes to the bathroom. Kitty drops to her knees as she starts her violent coughing fit. She can feel flowers getting lodged in her windpipes as she helplessly forces them out.

She watches as flowers land in the tranquil water. Her blood seeps into the water and tints it red.

Her throat actually feels so fucking horrible. It feels like there was a fire burning it, trying to destroy it completely until nothing was left but ashes.

Then it happened. 

Kitty felt something get stuck. It was big. It  felt rough against the walls of her mouth. Kitty reached a hand inside of her mouth to pull it out slowly, wincing as it rubbed roughly against the roof of her mouth. 

Kitty watched as first a flower head– then a bloody stem emerged.

She couldnʼt take this anymore.

Kitty threw up. It was clear, disgusting vomit. Sheʼs barely eaten anything. She canʼt bring herself to eat anything. Itʼs agonising and pain. Kitty hates pain.

Kitty in all honesty, is slowly collapsing in on herself. How long can she keep this up? Full flowers were coming out her system. She really canʼt waste any time, she practically has none.

She needs to help Carrie faster. She needs to do everything faster. She needs to live life faster. 

She needs to get Devin to see fucking reason. Needs to get him to realise what a stupid idiot heʼs being. Kitty knows somewhere deep down, Devin likes Carrie.

Sheʼs seen his reactions to Carrie. She has for a long time. Sheʼs not stupid. She canʼt take her own sweet time any longer.

She needs to do something, so she will.

Her thoughts are shouting at her while she sits weakly on the floor, telling her, no, demanding she get up.

Plus, Kitty never really had a future to begin with did she? She parties almost everyday, her grades arenʼt the best and everyone thinks of her as just some goofy kid.

If she can do one thing right, it has to be this.

She has to go. Now. 

Kitty flushes the flower down the toilet. Her head in pounding, and she can hear her heart hammering against her ribcage. Sheʼs suddenly conscious of everything yet nothing all at the same time. She knows that her hands are shaking as she puts on something decent. She knows her mind isnʼt at itʼs best as she ponders how to bring this up to Devin. Yet, she isnʼt really hearing Emmaʼs worried calls as she fumbled with unlocking the door. 

She knows, just last night she made a promise to Emma. 

She wishes she could actually keep it.

Kitty leaves the house and goes to the cafe, her mind was made up. 

Chapter Text

The cafe is a cute one. Circular polished  wooden tables, light pink walls and cushioned chairs.

Kitty canʼt even fathom the thought of eating anymore. Everytime she looks at food, she has to urge to throw up before even eating it.

The relaxing atmosphere allowed some of the tension in Kittyʼs shoulders to dissipate as she sat down.

She sighed, putting her phone aside once she replied to Carrieʼs “5 min away” message. 

Kitty ordered something, only for the sake of keeping the table. If she sat there with not even a single edible thing infront of her, sheʼd definitely get kicked out.

It was a sweet, chocolate drink with enough sugar to make you sick. Kittyʼs hands shook as she bought the plastic straw to her lips. She took a small sip and almost threw it back up.

The taste was heavenly as always, but the drink practically maimed her throat as she forced it down.

Looking at it made Kitty nauseated. 

“Devin.. he broke up with his girlfriend!” Carrie exclaimed as her bag hit the seat across from Kitty.

Kittyʼs chest tightened but she simply ignored it. “I have so many ideas!” Her voice somehow sounded joyful, like always.

“Heʼs really heartbroken though! I donʼt.. I donʼt think I should do anything right now.” Carrie pointed out.

“Carrie, I really think he likes you! Even in his relationship with Shelly I swear!” Kitty insisted.

Carrie ordered herself a plate of waffles with a scoop of ice cream on top before responding. “Seriously? He always called me homie, best friend, I donʼt think so.”

Kitty sighed. “He shares drinks with you, Carrie. Only you! Iʼm like 99% sure heʼs saliva conscious! ”

“Maybe he did that with Shelly too!”

“Trust me on this. I’ll talk to him for you, so don’t worry! Everything will work out,” Kitty insisted. 

Should Kitty be doing this? No. This is definitely going to make the chances of Carrie liking her back become slimmer and close to impossible. Is she going to do it? Yes. Mostly because she’s an idiot and it’s for the love of her life. If she’s dying, she should make sure Carrie’s happy. She can go in peace if that’s guaranteed.

Carrieʼa gaze softened. “Youʼd really talk to him for me?”

Kittyʼs heart thumped loudly when Carrie looked at her with those eyes. “Yeah, of course. Youʼre my love.... of bestfriends. I mean, I love as you my best friend.”

“Thank you! Oh my gosh, whatever you order is on me!” Carrie exclaimed cheerfully.

Kitty laughed. “You sure about that?”

Carrie chuckled. “Yeah. Honestly for this? Feel free to empty out my wallet.”

They ended up staying there for awhile. Talking about whatever, really. Kitty didnʼt even order much. Not that she could, she almost spit out her pancakes when she tried shoveling it into her mouth.

Carrie noticed. “Are you okay? Youʼre barely ordering anything and youʼre eating really slow.”

Kitty hummed affirmatively, convincingly. Sheʼd been keeping it together for so long, itʼs natural. “I had alot to eat before coming here.”

Carrie sighed, her eyes not leaving Kitty even as she stabbed a fork into her cake. “We both know youʼre bad at lying.” She stated. “Iʼm not forcing you to tell me whatʼs going on but.. you know you can tell me anything right?  I just donʼt want– you to go too far and regret it.”

They both know what Carrieʼs referring to. That night spent on the rooftop, and Kittyʼs life being saved by the very person who would later kill her, in a way.

Kitty isnʼt sure how much that night affected Carrie. If it made her excessively worry about Kitty, then she did a good job at hiding it. Maybe it didnʼt affect her at all. Kitty will never know the answer to that, and to be frank, she isnʼt sure if she wants to.

Kitty managed a false smile. “Donʼt be such a worrywart! I already said I wouldnʼt pull something like that again so, trust me?”

Kitty could see the doubt that clouded Carrieʼs eyes, the blonde was chewing on her bottom lip anxiously. “I trust you.” Carrie said hesitantly, but Kitty knew there was sincerity to her words.

There were so many people in the cafe yet in the moment, the only thing Kitty could hear was Kittyʼs voice. Like only they existed.

From there, Kitty changed the topic and Carrie allowed it. Most of Kitty’s brain power was being used on how to approach Devin in a not weird way. She could just be direct and text him “I need to talk to you” but that’s way too strange and out of the blue to do. That seemed like the easiest way though, Kitty wasn’t really looking to make things harder for herself either.

Eventually, they finished up their food after an hour and a half. She had to give a good chunk of her food to Carrie in order to get through one measly stack of pancakes.

Before all of this, Kitty could have eaten at least 5 stacks of pancakes and two milkshakes in one sitting. Maybe even more. She had a major sweet tooth and she missed eating. A few more days to live and she can’t enjoy her favourite foods? Whatever she was going through was worst than an inmate on death row. 

She was not a patient person.

Kitty showed up at Devinʼs doorstep with flowers. Not to give to him. Well, she was going to give them to him but it was for him to confess. To Carrie. She was really just going wild with her money. Kitty bought a bouquet of roses. There were about a dozen of them in it and the wrapping was a dark shade of red. Kitty thought it would make for a good confession gift. Devin was pretty oblivious to his own feelings. Kitty wasnʼt him but he literally shared a straw with Carrie. That was an indirect kiss. Also, he always tells Carrie how great she is and who knows what.

Kitty knocked on the door a few times, each knock becoming slightly more aggressive than the last. 

“Kitty?” Devin opened the door slowly, his eyes were bloodshot but he looked fine apart from that. The break up clearly that have much of a drastic effect on him.

Kitty sighed. “I need to talk to you.”

Devinʼs lips parted as if to ask why but decided against it and just stepped aside to let Kitty in his house.

He shut the door, the locks making a loud click. 

“Is it okay if Iʼm a little intrusive?” Kitty asked, as eager as she was to confirm her hunch, she was totally against the idea of prying too much. She knows how annoyingly and disrespectful it was to stick your nose into someone elseʼs bussines.

Devin shrugged. “Go ahead, I guess.” He muttered dejectedly.

Kitty took a deep breath. “Do you like Carrie? Romantically?” She questioned, not in a accusing way though.

“What?? I just got broken up with, I donʼt–”

“Just think about it! Youʼre saliva consciousness but you share a straw with her. Depending on how long youʼve been do that, youʼve indirectly kissed her. Oh! And maybe you donʼt notice it but I always see your face turn red when she touches you–”

Devin cut her off. “Thatʼs–! Normal friend things.”

Kitty raised a doubtful eyebrow, eyeing him skeptically. “If Shelly wanted to, would you have done it?”

Devin kept silent, his face contorted into a bunch of indecipherable emotions as a hand came up to his mouth.

There it was. Kitty was wiling to stay here a little longer to help him figure this out. Kitty should really text her friends. She knows sheʼd regret not seeing them one last time. Geoff should be hosting another party soon. Kitty never knows how he has the energy to host so many parties and have the motivation to clean it up the morning after. She really should have stayed to help out the last few parties.

Devin finally spoke. “I think it makes sense.”

Kitty offered him a weak smile, holding out the bouquet of roses infront of him. “Whatever decision you made, you can use this.”

Devin helplessly took the bouquet from her. “What if I make the wrong choice?”

Kitty took a second to think about it. “You wonʼt. Put a little faith in yourself. I support you, no matter who you pick.”

Not entirely untrue. She did actually care about Devinʼs happiness. She just really hoped he found that happiness with Carrie and not Shelly, introducing Shelly to Devin was a mistake. A mistake that may make Devin happy. Kitty dreamed of going back in time to stop herself and avoid this mess but it was too late.

“Has Carrie.. ever said anything to you? About liking me?” Devin inquired. He still seemed uncertain of himself.

“I.. canʼt say anything about that but if never shoot your shot, youʼll blame yourself a few years from now.” Kitty remarked.

The corner of Devinʼs lips went upwards, his gaze shifting to Kitty. “Youʼre a good friend, ya know?”

Kitty would say sheʼs only doing it for Carrieʼs sake but telling herself that over and over wonʼt make it come true. Sheʼs bad at being selfish.

Kitty chuckled. “I know!” A petal somehow escaped her lips.

Even worse, it was bloody. Coated fully in blood, infact it would probably stain the floor.

“Did you just cough out a flower petal?” Devin asked, confusion written all over his face.

Kittyʼs eyes widened, unsure of how to weasel her way out of this. “No,” She responded.

“Itʼs on the ground. With.. blood!?” Devin shrieked.

Well, this isnʼt good. She really hadnʼt wanted anyone to find out. It was bad that her sister found out but Devin? Even worse.

“Oh fuck. Is this the hanahaki whatever?? Do you have are you–”

“Itʼs none of your bussines!” Kitty snapped.

Devin looked taken aback, an apology was about to form on his lips. Kitty felt a pang of guilt hit her. 

“Sorry. Iʼm tired. I do have it but itʼs in the early stages.” Lie. “Donʼt tell anyone, not even Carrie. Iʼll get it sorted out.”

“Fine but if you start getting worse Iʼll tell someone. Who is it? Maybe I can help?” Devin offered.

Kitty shook her head. “A little too private. I doubt they like me back anyways.”

“Youʼre a great girl! Whoever you like is a lucky guy.” Devin reassured her.

She almost forgot not everyone knew she was a lesbian. “Girl, actually.”

“Oh! Thatʼs totally cool too!” Devin responded.

Kitty took her leave a little after that. Really, now all thatʼs left is to wait.

There was still a few hours left in the day. 

She could go out with someone else.

. 

“Hey,” Noah greeted her, Kitty perked up.

She asked him to meet her on the grass patch they had been on the night Alejandro called. Of course, this time she did rid of the flowers right before going so she wouldnʼt repeat the same mistake twice in a day. 

“Hey! Howʼs it going?” Kitty asked.

Noah smirked. “Great. Now everyone in school is jealous of me because I have a hot boyfriend.”

Kitty cackled, troubles forgotten for a brief second. “Wow only with him for status huh?” She teased jokingly.

Noah snorted and sat next to her, the pack of sour cream chips he was holding crinkled loudly as he did. 

Kitty took a swig of her Pepsi, wincing as it went down her throat and grimaced. She isnʼt even sure why she bought it to begin with.

“Oh. That bad?” Noah muttered.

Kitty averted her eyes, staring at the grass patch and plucked a few from it. “I donʼt think I have much time left.”

Noahʼs steady breathing came to a stop and starting going a little faster. “Tell me youʼre getting the surgery.”

“You know I wonʼt. You remember how reluctant you were too.” Kittyʼs voice shook. “You get it.”

Noah gulped, his eyes trained on the ground. His silence meant he understood, his refusal to look at her meant he still didnʼt want to accept it.

“Donʼt be sad when I die, okay? Please donʼt cry either. We both probably predicted this anyways. You have a new boyfriend! Focus on that.” Kitty told him. No one should be feeling broken by her death. It was quite literally her fault, the refusal to get the surgery.

Noahʼs fists balled. “Is that really what you want?”

Kitty hummed softly. 

“I wonʼt argue. I canʼt promise I wonʼt cry either.” Noah sighed.

“Not even for my last wish? Meanie. Iʼm not gonna sit here feeling sorry for myself all night. Letʼs go to that abandoned house we wanted to explore. You should text Alejandro to join too!” Kitty cheered.

Noah looked at her incredulously, he shook his head in disbelief with a small huff. “Iʼll miss this.”

And so would Kitty.

They went to the abandoned house. 

It was creepy. The decaying wooden floorboards creaked loudly whenever they took a step forward, broken light bulbs flickering on and off and strange belongings scattered all around the house. 

Alejandro was walking behind Noah, trembling in fear. 

“I thought the tall one was meant to protect the smaller one.” Kitty smirked.

“There are cobwebs! What if they get stuck in my hair??” Alejandro complained.

Noah ignored him. “Atleast we found that really cool pendant.”

Kitty lifted said pendant up. It was gold in an oval shape, an owl design imprinted on it. “Right? I canʼt believe itʼs still in good condition.”

Kitty peeked into the next room, the bookshelf caught her attention first. Kitty made her way over to it, Noah and Alejandro not too far behind.

Her fingers danced over the bookʼs spines, stirring the dust and gathering some on her fingertips.

Noah plucked out a book from the shelf. “I read this before. Actually, the concept is somewhat similar to Hanahaki.”

Kitty gave him a curious look, so did Alejandro. 

“Basically the flowers would be unseen to everyone but yourself if you fell in love. The more there were and the bigger they got, it symbolised that you were getting closer to death.” Noah continued. “This one didnʼt have a happy end.”

“Who were the main characters?” Alejandro queried.

“Two girls in college, it was really doomed I guess since one was straight and wished the other was a guy.” Noah explained, dusting the book off with his bare hands. “I think Iʼll take it home. This is the older cover and it looks nicer.”

Kitty scrutinized the book, the cover was a girl surrounded by flowers and a fake blood stain was on it. “Is that considered theft?”

“Well this is abandoned. No one will miss it.” Noah pointed out and started to go out of the room.

Kitty followed, her eyes trained on the book in Noahʼs hands.

She wondered if she would end up like that. 

Chapter Text

Itʼs 4am, Kittyʼs sitting at her desk with a paper in pristine condition and her cute, sparkly pen which she bought yesterday.

She dosenʼt know where her other note went. Sheʼs afraid if she dosenʼt do this, no one will know her thoughts, or anything she wanted to say to them.

Kitty has been trying really hard to keep her mind off whatʼs to come. She hates being all glum. Itʼs getting increasingly difficult, but she just has to try. Once sheʼs done with this one last thing, she dosenʼt have to think about it as much as she has to now.

Her handwriting was neat, for the first time in awhile. Each letter formed slowly with the pen tip as the ink dried up on the paper. Kitty was eating chocolate, to stop herself from crying and the best selfies she had put into a collage.

She hasnʼt slept. She didnʼt want to sleep, if she sleeps sheʼs losing more time that she dosenʼt have.

Kitty finished up the note, she folded it up into a square and put it beneath her pillow.

She isnʼt sure which decision Devin made. The only thing she knows is that he was confessing to the girl at the pier at 6pm. Kitty took note of it and made it a point to be there.

He said it would be a surprise. Guess she would know if Carrie texted saying Devin confessed then Devin chose her. If not, Devin chose Shelly. 

It’s not even her decision to make but it’s still probably one of the most important, which is a little fucked up. Up to this point, she’s just been making people feel worse if anything. If she can make Carrie happy this one time, it would mean the world to her. She isn’t sure how to pass the rest of her time.

Kitty should be spending time with people she cares about, like Emma, Noah and so on. She just canʼt bring herself to text them and sheʼs like 80% sure Emma has a date with Courtney today so it wouldnʼt matter if she texted. Itʼs not like she could really tell Emma she would die today, that would just make everything more complicated by tenfold.

Besides, she can probably find something to do for like what, 14 hours or so?

In complete honesty, Kittyʼs always want a tattoo. Maybe somewhere on her arm? Call her what you're want, but sheʼs going to get Carrie tattooed on herself. Not like anyone would see it. Or, to be more precise, she wouldnʼt let anyone see it.

Sheʼs on the upper part of her right arm. Kitty has thought this through before, not really tattooing Carrie on herself but just a heart tattoo in general. She never got to use her designs because Emma shot the idea down but now there was absolutely nothing to lose. At most, Carrie sees it after she passed.

Kitty grinned as she snagged the heart designs from her drawer and added Carrie into each of them, either in a bold way or in a subtle way only observant people would be able to spot. Being indecisive as she was, she would just ask whoever the tattoo artist was to pick one. 

Well, that probably wouldnʼt be the only tattoo she got. One behind her ear would be nice. Like butterflies or something. The place would probably have other designs she could choose from. 

Kitty jumped out her seat, papers tucked haphazardly under her arm and she rushed outside. She did take her wallet before going out.

She went on her phone and found a cute tattoo place. It was across a flower shop. Wow, of course it was. Maybe once of the employees was dating a personal from the flower shop.

Kitty booked herself an appointment for 4 hours later. Only to realise that meant she would need to hold onto these drawings when she got the street the shop was at and like.. walk around with them while she killed time.

Maybe she should start thinking things through, although it was a little too late for that now. Well, Kitty could always just buy a pretty bag to safely store them.

She made her way there by walking and arrived after around 40 minutes or so. Kitty was never one to really wander around the streets and look at shops, sheʼs always been more of a mall person so she had never been to the area before.

Kittyʼs eyes started from one place to another. Everything here looked adorable. So many shops had vibrant interiors filled with trinkets and toys and the fancier places had subtle, light colouring that wasnʼt too harsh on the eyes.

She sauntered into the flower shop across from the tattoo place she would be going to later. The lights yellow, warm and welcoming.

Sheʼs already technically made Carrie a bouquet. Just that she wouldnʼt be the one to give it or maybe it wouldnʼt go to Carrie at all. It seemed kind of overboard to make another, beside, bringing flowers into a tattoo shop was a little strange.

Kitty has a half a mind to back out of everything now but she was too far in. She reassured herself by saying she had every right to go wild.

She really did. 

Kitty wants to not be alone though. She sure as hell isnʼt going to bother Noah again, not with her problems again.

Maybe someone who simply had no clue about her condition. Kitty decided to try her best not to go into random coughing fits today or even spend her time trying to get the flowers out her system at all.

There was really only two people who she knows has experience with tattoos. Sheʼs close with them. Not as much as others but she genuinely liked their presence and she always wanted to get closer with them.

Kitty dialed the first personʼs number.

“Hey, whatʼs up?” Duncanʼs familiar voices asked through the phone.

Kitty smiled. “Iʼm getting some tattoos and honestly I donʼt feel like doing it alone. Come with me? Iʼm asking Gwen too.”

Duncan chuckled. “Woah, seriously? Dude, Iʼve been trying to convince you for months! Why now?” He questioned.

“Would you believe me if I said all your persuading worked?” Kitty laughed.

“Definitely not, but obviously Iʼll be there. Just text me where and when youʼre getting it, Iʼll meet you and Pasty there.”

Kitty grinned. “Great. Getting it today, alright bye!”

The call ended there.

So at 9 she would get her tattoo. Kitty was surprised any of the shops was even open at 5. This street was always open though. While many of the stores were open, like the floristʼs, many were closed too.

What surprised Kitty was the fact Duncan picked up at all. Maybe he was doing some illegal shit at this time of day, who knows? Graffiti sounded fun, but Kitty would rather not one of the last things she does be vandalism.

Kitty put Gwenʼs number into her phone and crossed her fingers in hopes of Gwen being awake.

The goth picked up. 

“Itʼs like..5am Kitty, did something happen?” Gwen asked, voice laced with worry.

“Nah, well nothing bad atleast.” Hanahaki was bad but Kitty chose to focus on the present, after all her Hanahaki started awhile ago so technically nothing bad occurred recently. “Iʼm gonna get tattoos. Plural. I just wanted to ask if you could come with me? Duncanʼs going to be there too!”

Gwen hummed. “Wow. I didnʼt expect that, wonʼt Emma like, murder you?”

Kitty paused a moment before answering. “Donʼt worry about it! You in or out?”

Kitty felt as if she could see the smirk on Gwenʼs face through the phone. “Of course Iʼm in. Meet yaʼ there, text me the details.” Gwen conformed. 

“Great, Iʼm getting it today, cya!” Kitty hung up.

Kitty texted both Duncan and Green the location and timing, making sure to snap a few pictures of the crescent moon shaped flowers before she tried finding a store that sold bags.

Not long after, she found a store that had an adorable aesthetic. 

The cashier there look tired. They were staring at their phone, eyes snapping shut every few seconds as they resisted the urge to sleep. Understandable.

She seemed to fully wake up upon seeing a customer, aka Kitty, inside the store and her eyes widened. 

Kitty knew this poor woman probably didnʼt want to deal with her right now, or anyone really. In light of this fact, Kitty decided not to strike up a conversation and simply continued looking around.

She spotted an array of messenger bags across the grid rack mounted on the wall. Her eyes lit up in glee, rushing over to take a look.

It was beautiful. Literally. Kitty found one with black and white cat prints and snatched it from the rack as if someone would take it from her and got out the exact amount of change she would need in order to pay. 

Kitty skipped up to the counter joyfully and put the bag on the it carefully along with the appropriate amount of money. 

The exchange was short, a small smile on the cashierʼs face seeing that Kitty is fine without any human interaction as she processed the purchase. She looked pleasantly surprised that Kitty have her the exact amount and nodded at her as she handed Kitty the receipt along with the bag.

Kitty flashed her a charming smile and walked out. 

Now what should she do?

Kitty saw a convenience store. 

Food then. 

She got herself a mini cake, a ready-made meal and a drink to tie everything together.

The remaining time she had left to wait out, Kitty used to to admire the scenery and look at various shops that she probably would have thought twice about going into in the past.

Some weirdo tried to sell her weed. Sheʼs tried it enough to know she absolutely hated it. She really hoped Geoff isnʼt getting his stuff from weirdos, that was really dangerous.

Eventually 9am rolled around. Kitty suddenly had Duncan and Gwen with her as she stepped into the tattoo shop. The walls were painted black, a few potted plants around to lift the placeʼs atmosphere. Despite that, it had a gothic aspect to it and a punk aesthetic. 

Kitty approached the counter nervously.

“This place is badass.” Duncan remarked.

Gwen looked around in awe. “I shouldʼve came here for my first tattoo! Do they have piercings too??”

Kitty was busy confirming things with the tattoo artist. The price would be based on how long the tattoo took, how big it was and where she got it.

“Hey, do you guys think I should get angel fangs?” Gwen inquired once Kitty was done talking and waiting for the artist to set everything up. Given it was quite early, it would take a little longer than usual according to them.

Kitty tilted her head to the side. “Angel fangs?”

Duncan pulled out his phone and showed Kitty a picture. Basically two piercings above the top lip. It looked really cool.

“If you want to, I think you should get it, Pasty. I wanted to get snake bites.” Duncan replied with a smirk.

Kitty knew what snake bites were atleast. “You two are so brave! How could you even endure getting your lip pierced??” She shuddered at the thought of it.

Gwen shrugged. “I already have some tattoos, an ear piercing and a nose one. I kinda got used to it. By the way, tattoos are really fun! If it gets pain, feel free to use my hand as a stress ball.”

“Yeah, knowing you, youʼll do just fine. Donʼt worry.” Duncan added. “What tattoos are you getting?”

Kitty giggled. “Secret! You two are going to have to wait until itʼs done.”

Duncan sighed. “Boo.”

Gwen swatted his arm. “You didnʼt tell me either when I asked you!”

The two went back and forth for abit before the tattoo artist came back and they got started. 

For the one with Carrieʼs name on it, she asked Gwen and Duncan to choose it. She unrolled the sheets of paper.

The two chose one of the hearts with arrows through them center. Carrieʼs name was on said arrow, the rest of the heart design just looked somewhat floral and fancy.

As for the one behind her ear, Kitty decided on a rose design.

If she somehow survived her Hanahaki Kitty will instead, die at the hands of Emma and her parents. Both of them hate tattoos. 

Kitty has been taking an unhealthy amount of the cough drops that were meant to soothe her throat and soften the impact of the flowers. They help alot but sheʼs taking way too much, well, taking too much would was the least of her worries.

Kitty chatted idly with her two friends go pass the time, the tattoo gun hurt but it was bearable. Somehow, the tattoo artist managed to chime into the conversation without breaking their focus which Kitty was thankful for.

Eventually the tattoos were finished after about 2 hours. At one point, Gwen and Duncan left to grab some food then came back. 

The finished product was perfect. 

The lines werenʼt shaky or anything of the sort.

“Youʼre sure you want to have that chickʼs name tattooed on yourself forever?” Duncan questioned. “The rose one looks cool though.”

“Why not?” Kitty shrugged.

Gwen chuckled. “I had no idea you were even in a relationship.”

Kitty shook her head. “Nah, sheʼs just my crush.”

Duncan raised a brow, scrutinizing the tattoo. “Bold.”

“I donʼt think this is going to end well, Kitty.” Gwen sighed sadly, a skeptical look in her eyes. “Does she like you back?”

Kitty probably knew the answer. No, scratch that, she definitely knew the answer, that didnʼt mean she had to acknowledge or verbalize it at all. 

“Hopefully!” Kitty beamed. Her finger nails dug into the worn out leather seat she was sitting on, her gaze shifting to the operating television just to prevent herself from breaking down.

Gwen and Duncan exchanged concerned looks that didnʼt escape Kittyʼs eyes. She couldnʼt really blame them either way, if the role were reversed, she would be worried too.

. 

Carrieʼs feet were rooted to the wooden planks, eyes incapable of being ripped away from the bouquet of flowers that was being presented to her.

Earlier today, Devin texted her to meet up at the pier. Carrie kept spamming his inbox asking why but he wasnʼt answering her question. Of course, Carrie was pissed, but obviously she wasnʼt going to be petty and just stay home.

Carrieʼs grateful she didnʼt skip this out. The only thing sheʼs want her whole life! Her love life has seemed hopeless. Devin never showed sighs of liking her but now...nowt he was on one knee, holding up a bouquet of flower with primarily her absolute favourite flowers.

The warm, golden sunlight made it even better. As in, better than Carrie could ever imagine. The light breeds blowing her hair back. It was straight out of a romance novel.

This was it. This is exactly what sheʼs been fantasising about!

Carrieʼs right hand slowly reached out to the bouquet, her fingers trembled.

That was weird. 

No, actually, everything felt weird.

It didnʼt feel as good as she thought it would. It felt.. wrong. That shouldnʼt be happening, right? Sheʼs wanted this for forever!

Carrie couldnʼt do it.

“I canʼt.” Carrie choked out, taking a hesitant step back. Her sneakers caused the wood planks to creak loudly.

Devinʼs eyes shot open wide with confusion, fear and dread. “W-what do you mean?” Devin asked.

Carrie suddenly felt nauseous. She was more aware of the fact that her clothes were clinging onto her skin stubbornly from perspiration. It was evening. She leisurely walked here. She shouldnʼt be sweating.

The blonde started frantically looking around, her head whipped from one side to the other until her legs started moving on their own and she ran.

She ran. She could hear Devin call for her, shouts of desperation in the distance. Carrie didnʼt stop, she just kept going.

She accidentally bumped into a few people while she ran, giving them a quick apology while getting weird looks from the people around her.

Devin was her ideal partner wasnʼt he? Carrieʼs alway thought that. He was sweet, he was kind and funny.. so many more things. What just happened though, it made her come to the horrifying realisation that she dreaded the mere thought of kissing Devin. 

Fuck. Did she make the wrong choice? Carrie shouldnʼt be running– if she turns back, Devin would still be there and they could clear this all up. 

Have all those scenarios that Carrie has ever made up been for Devin? Whenever she imagines it, she can never imagine his face. She thinks, yeah Iʼm imagining Devin, but the image shown in her mind isnʼt Devin. 

Actually, itʼs not even a man. Itʼs Kitty. Kitty, her source of comfort her best friend and her wingwoman. Aside from Devin, Kitty has been a constant in her life ever meant Carrie met her. 

God, Kitty, Carrie almost forgot! What would Kitty think? 

Kitty has helped her talked to Devin, listened to her venting, complaining and rants about him and Kitty never once complained. Carrie always felt guilty for letting Kitty do all that for her. Still, she never really stopped. She wanted to see Kitty all the time, she wanted to be near Kitty everyday. She also wanted to be near Devin everyday just…in a different way. 

It was almost as if she wanted to date Kitty instead! That would be crazy though, right? Carrie’s been straight her whole life. Seriously, maybe she admired some female celebrities and had multiple posters in her room of them, drew hearts on them and that kind of stuff. That didn’t mean she was attracted to them.

Wait. 

Fuck. 

Carrie was so fucking gay and it took her a confession from her crush who was actually not her crush.

Suddenly everything started to make sense. Why Carrie was so inclined to have physical contact with Kitty, why Carrie could never get over how moist Kittyʼs lips looked, why Carrie lets Kitty crash at her apartment and why she even took care of Kitty after she got drunk.

She would do it for anyone but compared to the time she did it for Jen.. it felt different. Carrie was much gentler, more patient and a little more touchy. Okay, so what? 

Hell, Carrie even drove to the most random places at the most ridiculous timings for Kitty. All the time. It wasnʼt even an occasional thing. Everytime Kitty got wasted, drunk out of her mind, Carrie would come to get her.

Whatʼs more is that the future she sees with Kitty is much more promising than the one she imagined with Devin.

Carrie didnʼt know what to do with herself. She wanted to throw up, she wanted to scream, anything to ease some of the emotions running through her.

The only thing she knows is that when something goes sideways or when sheʼs feeling down, she would always go to Kittyʼs house without fail.

So, thatʼs where she would be going.

.. 

The rain pelted against Kittyʼs windows violently. They sounded therapeutic. The house was deadly silent. No one but Kitty was home.

Kitty removed the plastic wrap on her tattoo about 3 hours after it was put on. She was given instructions on how to care for it.

She already gently rubbed cream into her skin and such. Honestly, she couldʼve left it alone, given her current predicament.

The whole day, flowers had been trying their best to destroy Kittyʼs throat. When she was getting her tattoo, she popped a cough drop in every now and then to refrain herself from spewing out flowers or going into a less than pleasant coughing fit.

It was an actual miracle she hadnʼt overdosed on those things yet. Plus she only went to throw up her bloody flowers twice today, which made it a miracle she didnʼt dirty the floors with flowers and blood in public– let alone the tattoo parlour.

Kitty could feel her breathing getting shallower. She has to take in deep breaths to get a sufficient amount of air. Needless to say, Kitty does not like it. Itʼs annoying her, but then again, she dosenʼt want to be out of breathe for her remaining hours.

If anyone barged in here, they would assume she was deranged. She sure looked it.

She hasnʼt heard a thing from Carrie or Devin, maybe thatʼs good? Still, kind of pathetic for her to just be lying at home alone.

Kitty got up, promptly heading for the kitchen. Sheʼs pretty sure thereʼs still some cake in the fridge.

A notification popped up on her screen from the person she was most excited to hear from.

The text from Carrie was ominous. It was kind of freaking Kitty out, to be frank. It just said door, and there was a typo. It would read “doro” if Kitty hadnʼt bothered translating it in her head.

Kitty approached her door and took her time to open it up. The door lock was lousy, it always took a few tries to actually unlock the door. 

She pulled the door open and she almost passed out.

Carrie was standing right there. Street lights shone dimly onto her, casting a warm glow which highlighted her brown eyes and smooth blonde hair. She was drenched in water with drops of water dripping from her hair. Even then, with soaked clothes clinging to her she still looked out of this world. 

Kitty was actually insanely down bad. Well, she already knew that but those types of thoughts in her head just confirm it.

“Holy shit Carrie are you–”

“Iʼm fine, Iʼm fine I just–” Carrie cut herself off with a sharp inhale. “Give me a moment. I ran all the way here.”

Kitty, too dumbstruck to do anything else, snatched a towel off a nearby table which made a few things crash to the ground in the process.

Kitty just stared for a second before managing to get a word out. “What happened?”

Carrie grabbed both of Kittyʼs hands frantically yet gently, clasping her own two hands over hers. Carrieʼs hands felt cold, like Kittyʼs hands were inside of a freezer.

Kitty loved it, but confused was an understatement. Her mind wasnʼt clear enough to make sense of what was going on. Flowers clogging her throat made it even harder to focus on what looks like a very crucial point in Kittyʼs life.

Carrie locked eyes with her and Kitty felt her cheeks becoming warmer and warmer.

“Look Iʼm really, really stupid I... Devin confessed to me. I thought that would be one of the best things to happen because Iʼve been wanting it for so long but when it really happened, I panicked and I ran away from Devin. My feelings for Devin werenʼt romantic they– they were something else I thought was romantic but I was wrong. So, so wrong. I think Iʼm bisexual. What Iʼm actually trying to say is I love you and Iʼve been so blind not to see it. I just hope that you love me too.” Carrie confessed, her grip tightened slightly as she searched Kittyʼs eyes.

Kitty thought she may have died. Was this a dream? Was she in heaven? Have those stupid flowers already sealed her airway?

The thing was that no, it wasnʼt any of those things. They were there, Kitty could feel Carrieʼs hands around hers and could feel a million feelings swirling in her chest.

She had no idea how long sheʼs been silent but Carrie was waiting patiently for her. It was definitely making Carrie more nervous.

Kitty could cry.

“I love you too.” Was all she said.

Carrie smiled, it was a simple, angelic smile that Kitty adored.

Carrie removed her hands and moved them around Kittyʼs waist. Carrieʼs lips pressed against hers, Kitty responded by kissing back and stroking her hair. Kitty was felt high. Carrieʼs lips were warm in contrast to the rest of her, Kitty tried pulling her closer as if her life depended on it.

Once they were apart, Kitty coughed out a flower.

“This is supposed to be romantic but did you just–”

Kitty chuckled. “I need to explain alot to you but basically because I was so in love with you, I was like.. dying.”

“What.”

..

Carrieʼs head was tucked in the crook of Kittyʼs neck.

Kitty was breathing easy. The sunlight flitered through the curtains, Carrie still sleeping contently.

Itʼs been 6 years since Kitty was freed from the flowers which burdened her lungs. Turned out, love wasnʼt that bad.

Carrie was horrified after learning what Kitty went through. Also, she loved Kittyʼs tattoos which was the exact opposite of Emmaʼs reaction. Emma screamed when she saw Kittyʼs tattoos. Not even exaggerating, Emma literally screamed and started freaking out.

Noah was thrilled when he found out what went down. He and Kitty were still in contact. Noah was engaged to Alejandro, no surprise there. Noah became a successful author, Alejandro an actor.

Kitty decided to become a content creator. Her follower count was at 700 thousand and counting. Sometimes she brought her friends to join her. Geoff and Brody make frequent appearances, Gwen and Duncan make occasional appearances and even Mickey once joined Kitty. Although Gwen brought Heather, her girlfriend along twice and Kittyʼs starting to think her viewers like Heather more than her.

Alejandro came with Kitty once and she got a small follower boost after that. After his first appearance, when he would appear again her fans would go feral. Then Alejandro decided to drag Noah along and suddenly Kittyʼs viewers like Noah as much as Heather too.

Carrie of course appears with her the most. Kittyʼs fans are all supportive of lgbtq people or are part of the community themselves, thereʼs a rare hate comment every once in a blue moon but other then that, itʼs pretty smooth sailing.

Kitty used her fame to spread hanahaki awareness across the world. At first, she kind of came off as nuts and no one believed but slowly, more people started stepping up to vouch for her. Hell, one person went and hacked up one of those bloody flowers on camera which proved everything.

Emma and Courtney started a law firm together, they were expensive and everyone wanted to hire them. Something that ticked Kitty off was no one proposed yet. Seriously, Alejandro and Noah got engaged before they did?? 

The love of Kittyʼs life was a shop owner. Carrie owned a cute little shop on the streets, it was filled with stationary and books. It made good money. Kitty often popped by to just hang out with Carrie when she was at work, which Carrie has told her to stop repeatedly but Kitty knows Carrie dosenʼt actually want her to stop. Carrie likes her presence there, which Kitty knows because of that goofy grin the blonde always wears whenever sheʼs there.

 Kitty and Carrie lived together. Same bed, same kitchen, same living room. Kitty couldnʼt have asked for more.

Speaking of Carrie. 

Carrie stirred awake in her arms. Kitty giggled softly, staring to play with Carrieʼs blonde hair. With her free hand, Kitty poked Carrieʼs cheek lightly and her lips curled upwards when Carrie leaned into her touch.

“You know, you have a shop to run today silly.” Kitty whispered.

Carrie groaned. “5 more minutes.”

“Hmm. What do you do when I say that?” Kitty questioned playfully.

“To get up immediately, but you wouldnʼt deny your dear girlfriend her beauty sleep would you?” Carrie replied, wrapping her arms around Kittyʼs waist as if it would stop Kitty from moving. Not that Kitty would move anyways.

Kitty dramatically sighed, feigning exasperation. “What will I ever do with you?”

They did get up eventually. Carrie went to the shop, Kitty stayed behind to prepare for that dayʼs blog. She went to her vanity table, having already decided in her head what style of makeup she would do.

Kitty opened one of the drawers to get a very specific eyeshadow palette when she spotted a small back box.

A 4k carat diamond ring was sitting inside of that black box, because Kitty planned to propose in a month.

She knew Carrie. They were basically already married. The real ceremony was just a formality because she knows Carrie feels the same way as her, practically married.

Thatʼs why she knew Carrie would say yes.

Kittyʼs pretty damn happy about the way her life turned out. 

Chapter Text

Kitty hadnʼt gotten a wink of sleep since she parted with Noah and Alejandro at the abandoned house. Partly because she was terrified of what happened. When they were in the master bedroom, a random rat pounced at her and then they heard a voice from another area of the house. It sounded ghostly, or like a wail which was super freaky. 

They all screamed and then bolted out of the house. Needless to say, they would not be going back there anytime soon. After they got scared shitless, Kitty decided to stay for awhile and the three chatted away. Kitty even learned about what Alejandro was experiencing while Noah dealt with the disease. 

Kitty wasnʼt sure how bad Alejandroʼs case of internalised homophobia was because he went through alot. It took a whole month of dilemma and anxiety before he finally accepted he was bisexual. He was still closeted and Kitty had a feeling he didnʼt plan on coming out to his parents anytime soon. 

It was fun though. Kitty was contently lying on her bed, staring up at her ceiling. It was around 6.49am and the sun was beginning to rise. She would probably be getting a text from Devin later, maybe. Or she would hear about it from Carrie.

Honestly if he didnʼt plan on picking Carrie, Kitty would be disappointed. Itʼs so obvious that it physically pains her that Devin is so oblivious to his own feelings. Then again, Kitty has not seen how he acted with Shelly before she dosenʼt exactly have a way to know who he for sure liked. 

Kitty suddenly felt her throat clog up, she resisted the urge to just cough out everything right then and there, instead scrambling off her bed straight to the bathroom. 

God, Hanahaki was really the worst. She canʼt relax without the stupid thing coming back to disturb her every few seconds! 

She retched over the toilet bowl and reached into the back of her throat. The thorns stabbed her throat, and it took everything she had to not shriek out of pain. That surgery looked real appealing right about now but sheʼs already too far in to try digging herself out of the situation.

Kitty prepared a note to leave behind once she was gone. It was on her person, hidden in her wallet. She was just planning to party hard after hearing about or seeing what would happen later, no matter the outcome. She should try living it up for one last time. 

Not knowing if she would wake up the next day made Kitty scared, like a little child coming face to face with a big, aggressive dog that looked as if it could rip someone apart in a matter of mere seconds. It was pathetic, Kitty thought, she endured so much and she still canʼt bear the thought of death.

Kitty pushed all her thoughts away somewhere to the back of her mind, never to be seen again. They werenʼt worth entertaining. It reminded her to quickly wrtie something in her journal. 

She should spend some time with some of her friends. Kitty already knew Emmaʼs schedule, and she had a date so Kitty should see if anybody else was free.

Noah invited her to over to his house along with Izzy and someone she hadnʼt met yet. Alejandro was required at a family reunion according to Noah, so he wouldnʼt be there. Kitty did ask why him didnʼt just go with Alejandro by just posing as a friend but it was just because Alejandro didnʼt want Noah anywhere near Jose. Understandable if Kitty was being honest. 

Kitty would love to spend time with others just as much as she would Noah and Izzy but she definitely wasn't willing to go through the pains of hiding the flowers she hacked up from others. Being with people aware of her condition was ten times easier.

She arrived at Noahʼs house pretty early. She bounced up the steps to his doorway, rapping on the door rhythmically.

The door was yanked open from the other side. It revealed a very unamused Noah with Izzy clinging onto his back and a muscular woman with a smirk on her face. 

“The other sane person is here. Eva, Kitty. Kitty, Eva.” Noah said before he retreated back into his house. Kitty assumed that meant that she could come in.

Kitty gave Eva a cheery smile, unofffended by Evaʼa neutral expression. Sheʼs leant that Noahʼs friends tend to be a little unique.

“Nice to meet you! You look really strong!” Kitty greeted. She stepped inside the house and shut the door.

Eva nodded. “Likewise. You look nice.” Eva complimented in return.

Kitty chuckled hollowly. “Havenʼt heard that for awhile.”

The pair made their way to the living room, where Noah and Izzy on the floor were already using the switch to play a racing game. It was clear that Izzy was winning by a landslide. 

Eva took a seat on the couch behind them and stuck only one ear piece in, half watching and half focused on her phone. Kitty sat next to her, deciding to watch the ongoing game.

“Wow Noah, youʼre horrible at this.” Kitty cackled, watching him fail to catch up to Izzy. He grunted, applying more pressure on the poor controller.

She remembered the time her and Geoff played that's exact game for like 5 hours straight. While it made her an absolute beast when she played racing games, she passed out for awhile after that. Geoff was out longer than she was. He lost more and Kitty still gloated about it when she was given the chance.

Kitty coughed, a flower falling past her lips mockingly. She looked down at it disdainfully.

Suddenly, Eva reached out to her hand and closed her hand over Kittyʼs. “Looking at it will make you feel worse.” She explained simply.

Kitty knew that but it was just hard to forget. Hard to tear her gaze away. Much like her love for Carrie. A blackhole drawing her in, one she never tried resisting. 

Eva abruptly stood up, startling Noah but leaving Izzy unaffected as ever. Izzy was so cool.

“Be back late or something.” Eva told them. She then turned to a confused Kitty. “You, with me.”

Kitty blinked at her slowly but she already began walking off. Well, so no explanation. Kitty could work with that. She ignored the curious looks that followed her out the door along with Eva. She couldnʼt really answer if they asked anyways.

Kitty trailed slightly behind Eva. “Sooo...you got something in mind?”

Eva spared her a glance. “Yeah. Maybe then youʼll stop being stupid.”

“Huh?? Where are we going!?” Kitty asked loudly, more curious than offended. Eva probably heard about her questionable decision about the surgery from Noah or something.

Eva was silent for a moment. “Youʼll see.”

How Informative. Kitty sighed. Why was everyone talking in riddles now??

.. 

... They were at an arcade. 

Kitty honestly wasnʼt sure what she was expecting. Of all places though, the arcade? A place where spewing flowers out your mouth was really socially unacceptable?

Not like she minded though. She adored arcades! Eva must have been trying to cheer her up.

Eva purchased the arcade card and put 50 dollars in it. Wow??

“Fifty!? Just how much money are you going to spend??” Kitty said, dumbfounded.

“Itʼs not for me.” Eva deadpanned. She placed the card into Kittyʼs hand before buying another one.

Kittyʼs jaw has never stayed open so long. Sheʼs like, 80% sure a fly flew into her mouth but hey, not the worst thing thatʼs been in there all things considered. She didnʼt go to all those parties and come out unscathed. 

Eva gave her an indecipherable look. “I know what youʼre doing.” She said. “I need to show you why you should live.”

Thatʼs.. really nice. Kitty knew it wouldnʼt work though. Her mind was made up. Even if she knew she would miss her friends, nothing could convince her to just stop loving the girl who lit up her world with just a smile.

Kitty shook her head, unsure of how to react. “It wonʼt work. I really really love her.”

Eva took her second card from the clerk who seemed completely unaffected. Clearly this was a regular occurence. Eva walked off in the direction of the games, she stopped and turned back when Kitty was too dumbfounded to follow.

“Let me try.” Eva said with a tone that left no room for arguments.

Kitty couldnʼt do anything but follow.

.. 

The grip Kitty had on the steering wheel connected to the machine felt unreal. She was going to be erased from the face of the earth soon and she was in an arcade playing a racing game?

Kitty loved that. 

“You can pick the track.” Eva told her whiile still picking out an avatar while Kitty already chose hers. Kitty chose a botched version of Rosalina. 

Kitty chose a colourful track with colours enough to blind someone if the brightness on the screen was any higher than it was. Colour made everything better. 

“Howʼd you know what I was trying to do?” Kitty asked, pulling infront of Eva by throwing a knockoff version of the Mario Kart spiny shell to debuff her avatar.

Evaʼs eyebrows furrowed in concentration, frustration growing by the minute. She almost missed Kittyʼs question completely. “I had Hanahaki. Not for Izzy, someone else. Izzy is the reason it went away.” Eva explained.

Oh..so that meant..? Wait, shit, Kittyʼs avatar got sent flying to the borders of the track by some NPC. “You mean you fell for Izzy instead?”

Eva seemed thrown off by Kittyʼs words and put herself into 4th on accident. Kitty unintentionally let a snicker past her lips and continued on as 1st place. Evaʼs knuckles grew white and Kitty swore she could see a dent start to form in the controller in the shape of Evaʼs muscley fingers.

Remind Kitty not to get on her bad side. 

“No, I just realised Heather wasnʼt worth it.” Eva gritted through her teeth as Kitty was seconds away from the finishing line.

Kitty finished the race and left Eva in the dust. She immediately let the controller go once the game no longer needed her to focus. “Heather!? You liked Heather??” Kitty sputtered in disbelief.

Eva ignored her in interest of trying to retain some of her dignity and finished in 3rd. “No shit, isnʼt that what I just said? She was unfortunately attractive back then. Eventually once she got together with Courtney, Izzy helped me realise dying over a taken woman wasnʼt worth it.” Eva huffed. She tapped the card on the machine again for another round, Kitty followed suit.

Kitty wished she had that sort of mindset. “Soo, how did you and Izzy get together?” Kitty inquired enthusiastically. She picked the same avatar from before.

Eva went sort of red. “Iʼm not telling you that.”

Kitty sighed dramatically. “Aw..looks like I have to ask Noah.” She said mischievously, simultaneously taking out her phone.

Eva gave her a nasty scowl. “Youʼre just like Alejandro.” She picked out a different avatar, a hot fem lesbian. Aka, knockoff Daisy. Kitty did not care, Daisy was definitely a lesbian.

“Thank you! Alejandroʼs hot.” Kitty smirked. She picked the ocean track this time. 

Eva raised an eyebrow. “I thought you only kissed girls?”

Kitty shrugged as her and Evaʼs avatars loaded in. “Heʼs objectively hot! I mean, have you seen the guyʼs abs?”

Eva snorted. “Horndog.” She then proceeded to snatch first place.

Kitty pouted. She pettily kept aiming her debuffs at Eva and only Eva, even if the NPCs were easier to hit.

Kitty could still recall the time she, Alejandro, and Heather came to this exact arcade. She just ran into them at a cafe and joined them. She kind of felt like their daughter at the time, only Heather was very lesbian and Alejandro disastrously gay. She knew Heatherʼs type because of the number of times Alejandro called Heather out for ogling like a creep.

They did a bunch of claw machines. Heather bet she could do better than Alejandro when Kitty pointed out a super cute plushies she wanted. Alejandro obviously took her up on the challenge.

Heather went, “Kitty, watch! Iʼll win that stupid stuffie!”

Heather spent half her tokens there and came up empty handed. After that, Alejandro smugly said, “Oh Heather, let me show you how itʼs done. Take notes for your Courtney.”

Heather went bright red when Courtney suddenly became hers according to the cunning Spaniard. Alejandro spent all of his tokens and only managed to get a small keychain. 

Kitty laughed in both their faces and with one try, won herself the plush. Heather and Alejandro gawked at her before moving on to more skilled based games.

“Hey, can we go get cheesesteaks after this?” Kitty spoke up after their third round of playing.

Eva only momentarily lost focus on her avatar. “Sure. Save my 50 dollars, for the future.” She replied. Looks like she wasnʼt letting Kitty go (literally, go out of life) easily. The implication behind those words hung heavy in the air. Stay alive. 

Kittyʼs parted slightly, she didnʼt know how to reply. She watched her avatar cross the finish line for what was probably the last time in this arcade. “Youʼre really nice, you know?”

Eva shook her head. While Kitty felt really somber, she did let her thoughts linger on the dented controller. Eva was really strong, in two ways. One really scary way and one really admirable way. Kitty was neither.

“Iʼm not. I just donʼt you to be stupid.” Eva declared, her voice laced with determination. Kitty wasnʼt sure if she was worth of such determination.

Eva left, Kitty followed with the memory of cheesesteaks already beginning to make her mouth water. 

This felt like a prisonerʼs last meal.

... 

The tray clattered against the cheap plastic table, the cheesesteak firmly rooted to its place on the plate.

Kitty took a deep inhale, trying to inhale the heavenly scent into her bloodstreams. A sinful chocolate shake was next to it.

Eva on the opposite side of the table also had a cheesesteak, but she had a soda.

“Come here often?” Eva quiered as she picked up her food and took a good chunk of it into her mouth.

Kitty nodded frenziedly. She shoved the food into her mouth and ignored the painful burn it caused since her throat was in ruin. The taste was all that mattered and it tasted good.

“That obvious?” Kitty giggled. “The food here is just so– you know! I could eat this everyday.”

Eva chewed quickly, Kitty wondered if she was actually tasting her food. “Iʼve had better. I can take you there next time.”

Her words made Kitty freeze mid bite. Kitty slowed down and slowly sunk her teeth into the fleshy meat and toasted bun. She savoured the taste like it was her last.

Kitty smiled at Eva, it was bittersweet. “I actually did eat just this cheesesteak for like a day, ya know?” Kitty asked rtheorically.

“Oh?”

“Duncan and Owen agreed to join me. We just– we just sat here the whole day! Iʼm not even joking. We were joking around the whole day and we kept getting more food! You do not want to guess what our total was. I only ate like 16 of these things. Duncan managed to get to like, 22? Owen ate wayyyy more than both me and Duncan combined! The chefs gave him a cheesesteak on the house because they saw how much he loved it. Owen even footed the entire bill.” Kitty verbalised her memory fondly.

Eva cracked a smile at that. She took a refreshing sip of her soda before speaking. “I bet Izzy could beat him.”

Kitty burst out into laughter, just soft enough to be considered socially acceptable. She felt tears begin to form in her eyes. “No doubt! You should totally bring her here, sheʼd demolish these bad boys!” Kitty affirmed, taking another bite of her irrestible food. If there was one reason she hadnʼt taken her own time away, it was this cheesesteak. 

Eva smiled even wider.

Kitty couldnʼt help but smile wider too.

.. 

Eva and Kitty brought four take out boxes back to Noahʼs house.

For whatever reason, Eva had the keys to Noahʼs house. It was like she was a part of Noahʼs family, Kitty thought. Like she was an older sister bringing food home for her sibling and her partner.

It was like Her, Izzy and Noah were a real family. Izzy was the crazy sister in law, Eva was the stoic older sister and Noah was the nerdy younger brother. While Noah wasnʼt the dictionary definition of nerdy, Kitty still stood by her point!

Kitty had a bunch of close friends. All of them made her feel at home. Warm, comfy, and safe but none of them felt like another family. A group, or even a person, who would be there for the rest of time.

She wanted that.

She really, really wanted that. 

Not that Emma wasnʼt sufficient. Kitty loved Emma so much. It was just that the thought of another, unbiological family was appealing too. Like if Kitty had what Courtney was to Emma.

Oh. 

Kitty was to stop thinking about that. About Carrie.

She was greeted by the sight of Izzy and Noah passed out on the couch. Izzyʼs head was somehow facing straight up at the ceiling while her body slumped against the soft sofa. Noah was lying on said sofa, a face-flat phone on the cushion his face was on.

It felt like whenever Kitty came home to Emma and Courtney curled up on the couch together.

Somehow, Izzyʼs eyes suddenly shot open. Kitty flinched when the ecstatic ginger went straight for the bag of food.

“Cheesesteak!?” Izzy exclaimed.

Kitty couldnʼt even blame Izzy for being so excited. Sheʼd get down on her knees and beg for cheesesteak. Not an exaggeration by the way. 

Noah gradually regained consciousness, rubbing at his eyes groggily while muttering something about a good dream and Alejandro. Someone sure wanted to keep dreaming.

Between Izzy eagerly reached for a box, Eva smiling tenderly as she watched, and Noah rolling his eyes as he sleepily made his way over like a cat, Kitty felt weirdly cosy.

Was she seriously ready to give this up?

It was a familiar feeling.

She recalled a hot day, Geoff, Brody, and Bridgette with her at the beach. Her favourite polyamorous couple to hang out with. They never made her feel left out and she kind of felt like a little sister or something.

They were playing beach volleyball. Kitty totally sucked at it, she kept accidentally directing her receives into the ocean next to them and spiking into Brody or Geoffʼs face. Bridgette was on her team, so she was spared from a potential bruise blemishing the skin on her face. 

Despite that, no one scolded her for making the game so difficult to enjoy. All they did was tease, make a few light-hearted jokes and jabs with no real malice behind them. Brody even took a considerable amount of time to teach Kitty how to play properly while Bridgette and Geoff passed the time by surfing.

After that, they all got a meal in a small open-air restaurant by the seaside. All their legs were cramped beneath the tiny table, the table top crowded with a bunch of dishes and some water dripping onto the wooden planks.

Kitty wasnʼt sure why she felt so comfortable at the time. It was like her problems melted away when she took in the scent of the ocean and irrestible aroma of food. Her troubles didnʼt really exist in the little bubble their table created around themselves which seperated their hearty laughter and loud chatter from the outside world.

It was how Kitty felt as a cheesesteak was being taken out of its box and was slowly being chewed on by Noah as Eva offered a a white takeout box to Kitty.

She was thinking too much again, wasnʼt she?

Kitty accepted the box, glad to have something else to focus on. 

“You seemed kind of out of it. Are you okay? Youʼve been doing that alot lately.” Noah questioned.

“Eh, can you blame me?” Kitty forced a laugh. “Hey, we should have a chugging competition!” She quickly amended, trying her best to lighten the mood and ignored the way everyone went silent after her previous reply.

It must have been clear she seriously didnʼt want to talk about it, because everyone commented on her suggestion.

“Oh yes! We have to! Izzy chugged a tub of hot sauce when the military was getting desperate for Intel!” Izzy spoke up, rushing off to grab what was presumably the drinks they were going be forcing down their throats.

While Eva and Noah were completely unfazed by Izzyʼs lore drop, Kitty gaped at Izzy. What in the world did that mean??

“Are you two– did you not just hear that!?” Kitty shouted.

“You get used to it.” Noah brushed it off with a shrug of his shoulder.

“Izzy has gone through many things.” Eva said like it was oh so obvious.

Kitty decided not to question it further, despite the millions she had which were positively trying to spilt her head open.

Izzy returned with 4 litre bottles of fizzy soda.  “We can chug these!” She urged.

Noah eyed the bottles with disdain. “Do you want to kill me?” He deadpanned.

“Letʼs do it!” Kitty cheered, reaching for a bottle of sugary soda.

Izzy turned expectantly to Eva, who shook her head in a panic. Izzy pouted but turned to face Kitty again anways. 

She popped the cap off the bottle, Kitty doing the same.

Noah counted down to 0 and Kitty began chugging with fervor. Izzy was a straight psycho though, allowing the liquid down her throat so fast like she hadnʼt drunk liquid in eons.

Kitty feels the soda spill out of her mouth as she tries to go faster. 

Izzy ended up wining. 

.. 

Kitty woke up to a noise that sounded like Noah shouting, a rare occurrence. His shouts were accompanied by something metal hitting the ground. The four of them went to sleep atleast 3 hours ago so what..?

The room was dark, but there was a small crack in the door that allowed harsh rays of light to penetrate the unilluminated room. Kitty rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. It was hard to see, but she could tell everyone left the room.

Kitty debated whether or not she should get up. On one hand, she really liked the futon. It was soft and warm. It enveloped her comfortably and sheʼd rather not stand or move at all for that matter. Then again, she really wanted to join in on whatever the other three were up to.

Well. Not like sheʼd get anymore sleep. She could hear more shouts, but from Eva this time. She may as well go check it out.

Kitty slowly sat up. Her stomach and her back ached, probably from all the coughing sheʼd been through recently. Her body began to rack with more coughs, Kitty had since given up and going to the toilet and allowed the flowers to be scattered around her on the futon. 

Her throat cried out in protest when she attempted to test her voice out. She sounded horrible, like a bird on the verge of death. She probably needed water, but it would definitely hurt to swallow. Kitty blamed this on friction. Without friction, the flowers wouldnʼt have done nearly as much as they had to destroy her throat.

Kitty rose to her feet, slowly making her way toward the door and carefully stepping outside. Her footsteps were kept quiet, in hopes of scaring someone if all their backs were turned.

Kitty round the corner, the kitchen finally in her field of vision. Except, Noah, Izzy, and Eva were.. baking? Huh!?

Kitty felt flowers rise up her throat. She mentally prepared herself for the incoming pain, the flowers coming in a rush.

The three baking were alerted. 

Oops?

Scare plan failed. 

“Izzy thinks we woke her up!” Izzy announced to the room.

Noah drove a palm into his face with Eva simultaneously letting a fond but exasperated sigh past her lips. 

“Go back to sleep.” Eva ordered, looking pretty panicked. Well, panicked for her atleast.

Kitty blinked at her defiantly. “Not until I find out what you guys are doing! Baking at midnight? Without me??”

Noah and Eva exchanged a glance once hearing what Kitty said. 

Noah shrugged. “It was supposed to be a surprise.” Noah elaborated. “For you.” He specified.

Izzy grinned. “Incase you go bye bye. Izzy will be sad if that happens, but I get it!” She further clarified so Kitty wasnʼt totally left in the dark.

Eva nodded. “Noah told us your favourite flavour of cake. We kind of messed up though.”

Kitty took a look at the state of disarray the kitchen was in. Flour coated the counters, a fallen egg laid sadly on the ground, and cooking utensils were distributed in about every corner of the kitchen.

Kitty smiled. 

They went through all of that to make her a cake?

That was so nice of them. Even though Kitty refused to get the surgery.. they didnʼt force her, and instead tried making her last days happier? That was so fucking sweet.

Kitty had amazing friends. All of them. She could recall every time she hung out with each of them, how fun it was. How they indulged her no matter how ridiculous her requests were. 

“Are you okay?” Noahʼs voice drove through her train of thought.

Kitty shot him a confused look. “Yeah why wouldnʼt I be? You guys are the most amazing friends ever!” She replied, opting to ignore the hoarseness of her voice and the pain in her throat.

“Youʼre crying.” Eva pointed out.

Crying? What??

Kitty brought a finger to her cheek, and it felt wet. Oh shit, was she shedding tears? She could feel the salty water droplets rolling down her cheeks now and how did she not notice that sooner?

Kitty was going to miss life. 

Oh.

Kitty was going to miss her life.

Her phone rang. 

From Carrie❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

> Devin CONFESSED TO ME?? His HEAD IS ON MY LAP RN. I'm so happy I could die.

Kitty stared. Carrie was happy. Wasnʼt that the only thing she wanted?

Was she selfish for wanting to live? Was her love not as strong as she thought it was? Wrong for having the burning desire to keep going on with her friends and her family?

Kitty made up her mind.

“I want to live.” She whispered.

Eva jerked her head in her direction. It may have given her whiplash. “Did you say?”

Kitty started to wail, screams loud and tears beginning to add up to the volume of a flood. “I want to live!” She shouted, fighting through the resistance in her throat.

“Holy shit, okay!” Noah exclaimed happily.

“Izzy will call the hospital!” Izzy shouted.

Noah grabbed her phone out her hand. “We are not going back to that place. Weʼre going an actual not underground hospital in a clean, stress-free environment where anyone can visit.” He demanded, dialing in the number for the hospital.

Eva walked over to Kitty. Kitty weakly looked up her, the tears obstructing her vision. “Good job.” Eva smiled, her usual deadpan expression erased without a trace.

Despite the stinging in her throat, Kitty managed to give her a small smile back.

.. 

The doctor was speechless. “This is a rare condition, but we can perform surgery. We have to go before it gets worse, now!” She shouted authoritatively. The interns and surgeons rushed to follow her orders. Kitty barely had time to process what was going on before atleast 5 pairs of hands were wheeling her bed to a prepped surgery room. 

Kitty, in the middle of the chaos, took something out her pocket while she tossed her suicide note into the trash bin.

She tugged on one of the surgeonʼs sleeves. “Can you pass this to my sister and tell her to give it to Carrie?” Kitty managed to say. The surgeon passed it off to one of the nurses with instructions given. 

.. 

The news reached Carrie far too late, it only got to her after Kittyʼs sister contacted her. The blonde, upon hearing the condition of her best friend, practically shoved Devin onto the floor and bolted out her apartment to get a cab to the hospital.

Kitty?? Hanahaki?? Hospital? Unknown illness, unknown success rate??

Carrie could feel her own heartbeat in her ears. The air conditioning did nothing to prevent the sweat that was forming on the smooth surface of her skin. Shit.

Please, please be okay. How do I go on without you? 

Carrie truly had no idea what she would do with herself if Kitty ever stopped breathing before she did. She wanted to die first, so she wouldnʼt know a life without Kitty.

Kitty and her ecstatic smile, her ever-positive attitude and smooth black hair Carrie could never get her hands off of.

Carrie never said it out loud, but she noticed Kittyʼs small habits. Carrie knew that Kitty would use past selfies or photos to calm herself down. She knew Kitty would calculate the number of people who would die if the ceiling fans ever dropped if she was bored during class. Carrie knew that Kittyʼs nervous tick was that she would subtly chew her bottom lip.

She knew Kitty had a fear of cows because when she was young, one almost trampled her. She knew Kitty liked her eggs scrambled. She knew Kitty like the back of her hand. Carrie couldnʼt bare the thought of a world without Kitty.

Sheʼd never felt so close to anyone else. Only Kitty. Not even Devin made her feel so much more like herself, though she figured theyʼd eventually get to that point.

Carrie couldnʼt breathe. Her airways were closing up, and her face was ugly with tears.

She burst through the hospital doors. The people in the lobby were either too tired to care or such behaviour was deemed normal in a hospital to pay her any attention.

Carrie barrelled toward the counter. 

“What room is Kitty Zhao in!?” She asked through pants.

“Floor 3, room 286. Please donʼt rush miss, the hospital is very crowded and I understand youʼre–”

Carrie took off before the man could finish his sentence.

The elevator was taking too long and it was far too crowded. Carrie sprinted to the fire exit and made it up the stairs in record time. She ignored her lack of air and went running to Kittyʼs room, almost bumping into who Carrie assumed was Kittyʼs sister when she got there.

Kittyʼs sister, Emma, had puffy eyes and a few tears still started to drop from her eyes.

Emma gave her an indecipherable look. She eyed Carrie who was infront of her chair with a resigned expression. “You must be Carrie. Kitty asked me to give this to you before going into surgery.” Emma informed her.

Carrie received the letter with two hands, still desperately trying to get air into her respiratory system through all the snot clogging her nose and the water hindering her sight. 

Some guy sitting outside the room, probably Kittyʼs friend, spoke up. “You should sit down before you read that.” He told her in a way that indicated he knew something Carrie didnʼt. She followed his advice. 

Carrie fumbled with the letter, almost letting it fly on the floor a few times. Shaky fingers slowly began to open the letter. She was glad she was sitting because her legs would have collapsed under her if she tried to read it standing up.

Eventually, she managed the open the letter without too much damage done to the paper save for some tears stains. Carrie unfolded the paper inside the envelope carefully. 

It read, “To my only love, Carrie. If youʼre reading this, Iʼm either dead or I went to surgery and Iʼm scared of what may happen next. No matter what happens though, I need you to know some things. Iʼm in love with you. I really really love you. I know you can be super dense, so I have to say that I mean it romantically. I know youʼre definitely wondering why I helped you with Devin and itʼs because I want you to be happy. Plus Iʼm SUPER gay, like actually and youʼre straight.

I hope you donʼt feel weird about me after you read this, especially if Iʼm dead or if I have to deal with the aftermath if my surgery or whatever is successful. If you researched Hanahaki, you probably know I have it because of my love for you. I just want you to know I donʼt regret it, because loving you is a gift Iʼm glad I experienced. Whatever happens, all I want is for you to be happy. Thatʼs all, and I love you.” 

Carrie stared, then she stared more.

Her mind went blank. 

Love?

Carrie.. Carrie loved Kitty, but not in the way Kitty did her. 

What did that have to do with Hanahaki?

Carrie felt like her brain just short circuited. It was rewiring itself as she took her phone out to search it.

Hanahaki. A disease caused by unrequited love.

Oh.

Fuck.

Carrie felt a pang of guilt hit her like a truck. Kitty dying, because of Carrie?

A sob clawed itʼs way out of Carrieʼs throat. It caused a chain reaction as suddenly Carrie couldnʼt stop weeping, it was so bad that youʼd think Kitty was dead. 

She did that to Kitty. Carrie was practically the reason her best friend was in surgery. She knew it wasnʼt her fault that she didnʼt like Kitty back, but the guilt began to eat her insides all the same.

Whatʼs more, all of Kittyʼs loved ones were sitting there with her, equally worried. Carrie was surprised she hadnʼt been punched, because she sure felt like punching herself.

She continued silently crying. Carrie wasnʼt sure if she even had the right to cry loudly.

..

Kittyʼs surgery was a success!

Carrie almost burst into tears of happiness when the doctor delivered them the news. Emma had cried out of mirth into her girlfriendʼs shoulder. The guy waiting with them—who Carrie learned was named Noah—broke out into an impossibly wide smile and asked if they all could visit her individually. 

The three of them stayed overnight in the hospital. They werenʼt the only group of people to do so. Carrie was confident none of them managed to get much sleep, not when Kitty was still undergoing surgery. Carrie only managed to sleep for 2 hours or so. 

The doctor allowed them in one by one. Emma, of course, went first. Her girlfriend was allowed in with her. 

Carrie anxiously fidgeted with her fingers as she waited for her turn. Noah seemed to be on the phone, but hung up and promptly turned to talk to Carrie. 

Carrie was reminded of Devin, who called her around 32 times after she left. She only left a few messages explaining the situation, and heʼd been trying to get in touch with her the past ten minutes. She hadnʼt noticed until Noah gave her phone a quick study.

She put it away. Trying to do anything seemed mentally taxing, and she would get back to him soon enough. 

Noah stayed silent for a few moments, regarding Carrie with something that resembled.. pity?

“Let me warn you, the surgery may have had some side effects. The letter probably told you everything you needed to know. Itʼs possible Kitty may not remember everything you two did together and she wonʼt harbour romantic feelings towards you anymore, I can guarantee that.” Noah explained. His eyes were trained on Carrie, analytic and calm.

Carrie swallowed. “If she hates me now, I deserve it. I just hope the memories of me gushing over Devin arenʼt there anymore, gosh Iʼm such a bad person for discussing my crush with her.” She replied, more talking to herself than Noah. Really, how cruel could she get? Carrie shoved her feelings for another person in Kittyʼs face every waking second of the day. Carrie wished she learned how to keep her mouth shut every now and then.

Noah must have noticed her internal turmoil. He lightly hit the handle of her chair twice to grab her attention. 

Carrieʼs head jerked up, her shoulders squared up tensely.

“Blaming yourself wonʼt help with anything. Kitty falling for you dosenʼt make you obligated to return her feelings. The only thing to blame is the disease. Kitty wonʼt hate you for this.” Noah tells her. His voice was stern but not unkind. Although Carrie just met him, she could tell he was a nice person.

“Thank you. I guess youʼre right.” Carrie said quietly.

Noah eyed her phone. “I suggest you donʼt neglect whoever has been trying to contact you. Your phone kept ringing while you slept.”

Carrie felt her cheeks turn red, heating up with embarrassment. “O-oh.”

Devin had sent over 100 messages. Basically asking how Kitty was, how Carrie was doing, and which hospital he should go to. A few other important questions were thrown into the mess of texts, like why Kitty was in the hospital. 

Emma coincidentally came out of the room once Carrie replied to one of Devinʼs messages. Noah went in, but not before asking Emma a few questions.

Carrie averted her gaze away from Emma. She used all her nervous energy to type out responses to Devin, though her thoughts were stilll occupied with Kitty. 

She felt like a criminal sitting next to her. Carrie sent her sister to the hospital. By the time she managed to see Kitty, she may actually break down in tears again.

Carrie wasnʼt sure just how long she spent staring down at her clammy hands when Noah emerged out of the room looking somewhat shocked but mostly relieved.

He gave Carrie a look. Carrie wasnʼt sure what it meant. Emma looked up at him with an equally meaningful look. It felt like Carrie was missing something. As if she were being left out of an inside joke. 

Regardless, it was her turn to see Kitty. She could feel eyes on her, anxious eyes that made her uneasy.

What did Kitty say? Now that whatever love she had for Carrie was gone, did she hate Carrie for now? Should Carrie have even gone into the room? They would warn her if that was the case right?

Carrie tentatively set foot into the room. She walked to the chair next to the bed and Kittyʼs eyes followed her movements.

“Uh– hi.” Carrie began awkwardly. She cringed inwardly at herself. Wow Carrie, nice job! The best way to start a conversation with your best friend who was secretly in love with you who you almost killed

Kitty blinked once. Then twice. Then–

“Eheh, sorry. Just out of surgery, do I know you?” Kitty asked.

Carrie froze. So. Thatʼs what those looks meant.

Kitty didnʼt remember.

Kitty didnʼt remember her.

Carrie felt her heart shatter.

Her best friend didnʼt remember her. Carrie had so many things to say, so many unspoken words hanging heavily in the air. They threatened to pummel her to the ground.

What was she meant to do? Reintroduce herself? Rebuild the friendship?

Was it even good for her to be in Kittyʼs life? What if Kitty regained her memories and somehow she relapsed because Carrie was around too much? Would their bond really be the same even if she did try becoming her friend again? For all Kitty knew, she could be lying. This was a hospital. It wasnʼt the best first meeting place for friends.

Carrie never wanted to see Kitty in this situation again. 

While that was mostly it, Carrie was afraid of whatʼd sheʼd realise if she kept staying in Kittyʼs life like none of this ever even happened.

Carrie bit down on her lip hard enough to break the skin, hard enough to taste the blood leave a lingering metallic taste on her tongue. 

“It dosenʼt matter anymore.” Carrie managed to say, a bittersweet smile on her lips. It was probably the last smile Kitty would see from her. “Keep being happy.”

Carrie laughed, head thrown back against the soft and fluffy pillows behind her. Carrie thought it was beautiful. She had to stop her thoughts from going any further than that. 

Kitty gave her a wide grin. Carrie just hated that she knew how much happier Kitty could look. “You too!” Kitty replied cheerfully.

Carrie nodded. She slowly stood up, her fingers began to dig into the flesh of her palm as she left. 

She didnʼt look back.

..

A lot can happen in five years. 

Carrie learnt that as she slowly started to forget Kittyʼs voice. The voice she heard five years and three months ago, the voice who forgot who she was five years and three months ago.

Five years was a long time. Carrie had no idea how Kitty was doing, and truly, it killed her. The Kitty on a screen could be burdened by something and Carrie wouldnʼt know.

Carrie worked as a marriage counsellor now. Devin was an engineer. There was a gorgeous ring on her finger because her and Devin were married. Soon, they would begin trying for kids.

Only, Carrie didnʼt want to be intimate with Devin. She hadnʼt since she entered this marriage. She knew it was bad. Of course she felt horrible for staying in this marriage when no, she didnʼt love him. Was she ever anything more than infatuated with Devin? Could anything she ever felt for him be labelled as romantic love?

Carrie woke up in cold sweat, her body shot up from the bed. The clock showed that it was only midnight. 

Devin slept next to her, oblivious.

Carrie couldnʼt stared at the bathroom door. She wished she could just sleep as if she didnʼt breakdown everyday in that bathroom, as if this house didnʼt get more suffocating each passing day.

Her gaze eventually landed on Devin. 

She didnʼt love him.

Believe her, she tried. She really fucking tried. Carrie tried to love him. She tried to be as vulnerable as him as she once was with Kitty. She tried to want to have his lips on hers. She tried to gaslight herself into enjoying her intimate time with him.

Carrie couldnʼt do it.

She realised it only 5 months after Kittyʼs big operation. Carrie realised how bad she missed Kitty, how badly she needed Kitty to just hold her awhile.

Sheʼd never get that feeling. Carrie missed her chance. Then, there was Devin. Everytime Carrie tried to break it off after those 5 months was brutal.

She was just afraid. Who would love someone like her? Once they learnt her past? Carrie doubted she could ever even get over Kitty even if she tried with someone new.

So she stayed. She right looked into Devinʼs eyes—told him she loved him—and stayed.

Carrie already almost caused the death of one person. She couldnʼt give Devin Hanahaki too. She wasnʼt even sure if it would have happened if she left, but there was no chance in hell that she risk it.

Carrie kept a picture of Kitty under her pillow. Devin didnʼt know.

She stared at the photo sitting under her pillow as if she could will Kitty to pop out of it if she stared hard enough. If she wished hard enough. 

Now, there was only one consistent thought in that tortured mind of hers. It was funny, really. 

The petals she began choking up recently would take her life before she and Devin had kids.