Chapter Text
THE BAD KIDS
The Oracle: Guys I cannot find my notebook and I need it for my spellcasting class tomorrow. It’s the blue one with the stars on the cover. Did someone take it?
Licensed PI Riz Gukgak: I have no notebooks that look like that in my bag but it’s possible it’s in the bottom of the HangVan.
GreatestWizardOfOurTime: I can go check. Gimme five I’m repairing the engine right now. Got home and Mom + Dad accidentally hit the HangVan with a missile.
SheetDanceToDeath: A missile? A whole missile?!
Licensed PI Riz Gukgak: That’s not even top five wildest things they’ve done this week.
SheetDanceToDeath: And yet it never stops getting weird!
Ayda Aguefort: I could fly to your home and see if it’s within 1000 feet. It would only take me two minutes.
ArchDevil: ??? Are you not back in Leviathan right now babe?
Ayda Aguefort: I came to visit. Apologies for not announcing myself. I thought it would be nice to surprise you. I have heard that showing up unexpectedly could be a romantic gesture.
ArchDevil: Awwwwwwwww
SheetDanceToDeath: AWWWWWWWW
Licensed PI Riz Gukgak: If it was close enough for Locate Object I have to assume Adaine would have done so immediately.
Tracker: I heard her try and then she loudly shouted ‘shit’ so I have to assume no dice on that one.
RibbonDanceToDeath: It’s not in my stuff either. Fabian, did the Hangman eat it?
SheetDanceToDeath: Just because the Hangman is a Hellhound does not mean he eats homework!
Ayda Aguefort: Notebooks are not good to eat. Their paper is very dry and has a bad mouthfeel.
ArchDevil: Babe ilysm. Did you try eating a notebook once
Ayda Aguefort: On three separate occasions. Once to test the sensation and twice more while distracted studying.
Ayda Aguefort: It was not pleasant.
ArchDevil: Imagining you eating a notebook with a little confused look on your face is so cute it might actually kill me.
Ayda Aguefort: Interesting.
Ayda Aguefort: Would it please you to see this happen?
The Oracle: PLEASE I LOVE YOU ALL BUT I NEED MY NOTEBOOK
RibbonDanceToDeath: Oh all caps you’re actually upset
RibbonDanceToDeath: Let me call Zelda or something we were studying over at hers so maybe she has it
TheGreatestWizardOfOurTime: I’ll text her?
RibbonDanceToDeath: Too late calling your girlfriend as we speak
TheGreatestWizardOfOurlTime: Guys it’s like 8 PM she might not even be up
Licensed PI Riz Gukgak: 8:00 PM isn’t that late, really.
Ayda Aguefort: Depending on the exact time of the sun rising and setting, 8:00 PM is very much the middle of the night.
RibbonDanceToDeath: Is it?
RibbonDanceToDeath: Okay if the sun sets at 6:00 PM
The Oracle: It’s almost summer, so that time is more like 6:50.
RibbonDanceToDeath: Ah right we have to factor in the sun being around more during the summer
RibbonDanceToDeath: Clingy bitch
SheetDanceToDeath: Hey actually I just remembered something
SheetDanceToDeath: Didn’t Arthur Aguefort drag the sun across the sky when we were rescuing you, Adaine?
The Oracle: Yes he did. It was an… experience.
SheetDanceToDeath: Ah, okay. HOW DID HE DO THAT???
Ayda Aguefort: I believe Figaroth would say it was ‘wizard bullshit’ and not to think too much about it.
Ayda Aguefort: I would suggest it to simply have been a powerful illusion spell.
TheGreatestWizardOfOurTime: I mean it could have been real. He’s probably immune to fire, right?
The Oracle: I mean he’s an extraordinarily powerful wizard, he likely has spells that allow him to do that.
TheGreatestWizardOfOurTime: I mean yeah but like. He probably has to have more to it than that considering what we know.
Licensed PI Riz Gukgak: I very much do not appreciate where this is heading.
The Oracle: ????? Gorgug do I want to know what you're thinking?
HOOTGROWL: OH RIGHT! CAUSE HE LIKE, FUCKS THAT PHOENIX OR WHATEVER?
Tracker: Ohhhh yeah Gorgug I get what you mean
TheGreatestWizardOfOurTime: Unless he wants to cast ‘Protection from Fire’ every time, I mean. It’d get kind of inconvenient.
Ayda Aguefort: I truly do not enjoy this conversation topic at all.
Ayda Aguefort: I am distressed.
ArchDevil: If you come over we can watch a movie and get your mind off it?
Ayda Aguefort: That sounds lovely.
ArchDevil: ;)
Ayda Aguefort: That was a digital wink.
Ayda Aguefort: Was that meant to be salacious in nature?
ArchDevil: Yes
Ayda Aguefort: Delightful. I cannot wait.
SheetDanceToDeath: That’s weirdly sweet.
The Oracle: MY NOTEBOOK??? ANYONE???
RibbonDanceToDeath: Zelda says she couldn’t find it
RibbonDanceToDeath: She also told me to say hi to Boggy the Froggy
The Oracle: Boggy says Hi back
The Oracle: I am going to do horribly in tomorrow’s lecture
Tracker: You passed 60% of your grades in like a week. One lecture will be fine.
The Oracle: Sigh. You’re right. I’m going to just. Relax, I suppose.
RibbonDanceToDeath: I love that you actually type out ‘sigh’ like that. You’re insane
Licensed PI Riz Gukgak: Adaine types like she’s thirty-five sometimes but I have been told repeatedly I am not allowed to judge.
Tracker: Everyone here types like soeqone’s proofreading their messages
Tracker: Fuck. *someone’s
SheetDanceToDeath: TYPO IN THE GROUPCHAT
SheetDanceToDeath: GET HER!
Licensed PI Riz Gukgak: soeqone’s
ArchDevil: soeqone’s
TheGreatestWizardOfOurTime: soeqone’s
The Oracle: soeqone’s
RibbonDanceToDeath: soeqone’s
HOOTGROWL: soeqone’s
Ayda Aguefort: soeqone’s
Ayda Aguefort: (Did I do that correctly?)
ArchDevil: (Yes <3)
THEHANGMAN: SOEQONE’S
Tracker: First of all: BETRAYED BY MY OWN GIRLFRIEND?!
Tracker: Second of all: WHY DOES THE HANGMAN HAVE A PHONE?
SheetDanceToDeath: Because’s he’s special. Next question.
TheGreatestWizardOfOurTime: I have not located your notebook Adaine.
The Oracle: My notebook’s forever lost then.
RibbonDanceToDeath: Rest in peace
SANDRA LYNN → FIG FAETH
Sandra Lynn: Kiddo what was that horrible banging noise upstairs
Fig Faeth: I tripped and fell climbing out of my room.
Sandra Lynn: Your room isn’t upstairs kiddo.
Fig Faeth: Aw crap
Fig Faeth: Can I blame it on Zayn?
Sandra Lynn: Figueroth.
Fig Faeth: …I was upstairs trying to sneak Ayda into the house through a window?
Sandra Lynn: Fig, I don’t care if your girlfriend comes to stay the night as long as everything and everyone is safe.
Sandra Lynn: What was the banging?
Fig Faeth: A large armoire falling over.
Fig Faeth: In other news I have lifted yet another curse from the house.
Sandra Lynn: Alright.
Sandra Lynn: Don’t be up too late okay? You have school in the morning.
Sandra Lynn: Even an Archdevil still needs to graduate High School.
Fig Faeth: Yes Mom.
Fig Faeth: Love you!
Sandra Lynn: Love you too, Fig.
FIG AND THE CIG FIGS
Gorgug: Um. Code Red?
Gorthalax: Who’s dead this time?
Gorgug: Okay no. Uh, Code… Yellow?
Fig: Just tell us what’s wrong before you word-smith your way into some terrible implications
Gorgug: I found Adaine’s notebook?
Fig: Oh great!
Gorthalax: Why is this an emergency worthy of our codes?
Gorgug: It’s uh
Gorgug: It was in the bottom of the HangVan?
Gorgug: And it’s uh
Gorgug: Well
Gorgug: It’s a little
Gorgug: I mean
Fig: Gorgug you know I love you to bits. Please send all of this in 1 message next time?
Gorgug: Right
Gorgug: It’s absolutely covered in Gak
Gorthalax: ???? Gak?
Gorgug: Silly Putty? Slime? Ooze? It’s covered in it. Absolutely drenched. Just, destroyed.
Gorgug: What do I do???
Gorthalax: Well first of all, don’t panic
Gorgug: WAY TOO LATE FOR THAT
Fig: Gorgug why the hell was there Gak in your car in the first place
Gorgug: I had a giant bin of the stuff for a project?
Fig: Do I even want to know?
Gorgug: Helping Riz Slime Bucket the Rogue Teacher for extra credit
Gorthalax: Ah! That’s a good one!
Gorthalax: Have you tried a prestidigitation on it?
Gorgug: I don’t know how to do that???
Gorgug: Fig do you know that spell?
Fig: Yeah but I’m busy right now
Fig: I’ve got Paramour Duties to attend to. I’m only checking my messages while Ayda is picking a movie
Fig: Bring it over tomorrow morning and I’ll fix it before school I guess [eyeroll]
Gorgug: Thank youuuuu
Gorgug: Also the eyeroll doesn’t work on me I know you care
Fig: ughhhh can I pretend to be unfeeling for one second? :[
Gorthalax: No
Gorgug: No
Fig: Fiiiiiiiiiine. Goodnight, love you guys!
Gorthalax: I love you too, Fig.
Gorgug: You too! Night!
Mordred Manor
Jawbone: Now, kids, I know I say I love you and support you all in your endeavors no matter what, and I really do.
Jawbone; Seriously, could not ask for better kids in the whole world.
Jawbone: You all mean the world to me
Adaine: Awww. Thank you Jawbone. We love you too!
Ayda Aguefort: This is quite sweet.
Ayda Aguefort: I sense, however, a secondary clause to that statement of endearment?
Jawbone: Yeah
Jawbone: Please, and I ask this with nothing but love and affection in my heart, do not play any sort of musical instrument at top volume before 9:00 AM.
Jawbone: Please .
Tracker: You can just say “Fig don’t shred your guitar at 7:00 AM”.
Fig: oops!
Zayn: I can’t sleep so this doesn’t bother me. But that ‘oops’? Absurd thing to respond with.
Zayn: Shameless.
Tracker: Asking Fig to feel shame is a fools game she’s immune.
Fig: I feel shame! But I will never apologize for hitting a sick riff.
Fig: Well, actually I will. Sorry Jawbone! I’ll be more careful next time.
Jawbone: Thank you Fig.
Jawbone: Now, who wants to help me with breakfast?
Ayda Aguefort: I would offer, but I am otherwise occupied.
Jawbone: No details please!
Ayda Aguefort: …I do not understand, but I will oblige.
Kristen: I’ll come help if you don’t mind me burning the bacon again
Sandra Lynn: It’s a Mordred Manor Tradition by now.
Sandra Lynn: Ayda, you can leave the armoire in the hallway it doesn’t matter
Fig: We broke it!
Tracker: Fun. The haunted one?
Fig: The mega haunted one!
Tracker: Sick. You’re probably cursed forever
Fig: I’m an Archdevil baby I’ll just shove that soul into the pit!
Kristen: Morally speaking this should bother me more, but it’s too cool to be worried about the ethical implications of an afterlife of endless punishment.
Jawbone: Especially when there’s pancakes to be had.
Kristen: I would give up my faith for pancakes in a heartbeat.
Kristen: I would kill
another
god for them.
Fig: “I’d Kill God For Pancakes” would be a sick song title
Fig: Texting Gorgug brb
Ayda Aguefort: I will leave the armoire to its new place in the hallway and be down as soon as Fig is no longer engaged in rigorous song-writing.
Ayda Aguefort: Adaine, I found your notebook. Should I return it to you now or later?
Adaine: YOU ARE A MIRACLE WORKER AND A SAINT
Adaine: Thank you so much
Adaine: Where did you find it?
Ayda Aguefort: A Wizard ought not to reveal all her secrets.
Adaine: I could Oracle it you know
Ayda Aguefort: A Divination Battle would be a wonderful test of my skill.
Ayda Aguefort: Later.
Adaine: Sick.
Adaine: …Why does it smell weird now?
Zayn: Second Rule of Morded Manor: Ask no questions, receive no unwanted answers.
Adaine: Fair point.
Adaine: The first rule?
Zayn: “Get pancakes before Tracker eats all of them”
Adaine: Now
that
I can get behind.
Tracker: Better hurry, I am t-minus five minutes to devouring your pancakes.
Adaine: We’ll see about that.
Gorgug → Fig
Gorgug: Fig. I’m struck
Fig: In the tree?
Gorgug: In the tree.
Fig: UGH
Fig: I’ll go get the ladder.
Gorgug: Awesome. Mission succeeded then?
Fig: Mission succeeded.
Adaine → Kristen
Adaine: So Gorgug had my notebook, yeah?
Kristen: Yeah, he snuck in through Fig’s window twenty minutes ago holding a paper bag absolutely dripping with slime
Kristen: Like, the horrible putty kind you give to kids as a cheap novelty gift.
Adaine: Figures.
Adaine: I’m going to go fuck with them by hiding the ladder
Kristen: HAH
Kristen: Just as long as you make sure we make it to school on time.
Adaine: I’m the motherfucking Oracle.
Adaine: Of course we’ll be on time for school.
Kristen: Dork.