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Loving Sasuke made Sakura lose a piece of herself - one that still remained missing.
As always, it all started with a crush.
At first, she would imagine walking arm in arm down the academy's whitewashed corridors with him. Imagine him weaving daisies into her hair as they sat cross-legged in the afternoon sun, a silent smile playing over his lips. Imagine the feel of his mouth upon hers, warm and surprisingly soft. However, her limerence soon morphed into something far more intense - something far more dangerous. Once she'd started to excuse his dismissiveness, his detachment, his and deep-seated disdain for vulnerability, she knew she was coming undone.
Sasuke did not wholly reciprocate the inexplicable, all-consuming love - yes, she could call it nothing but love! - she harboured for him.
The pain this realisation brought on was indescribable. After all, she'd denied this more frequently than she ought to. Until she found herself desperate - and mortifyingly so - for his validation. Letting her bond with Ino sour over their mutual infatuation for him was something she still cringed at. Though their friendship had long recovered, she still wondered how things could have been if not for their juvenility.
Whilst yearning for his approval was only natural for one so young and besotted, it had gone too far. It consumed her in its entirety to the point that she hadn't realised she could never single-handedly undo the damage the world had inflicted upon him. The notion had lodged itself in her subconscious, surfacing at the most inopportune moments. How could she help him heal from his pain when she'd barely worked through her own? How could she expect him to yield to her?
They would only hurt each other.
And sure enough, that was what they did.
Once the war ended, he had briefly closed the distance between them. But then, he widened it all the more. He would draw closer, only to pull away. Only to leave her longing for the parts of him he could not give her. Neither would he let her be privy to his innermost feelings, nor did he wish to be privy to hers. Knowing the latter had hurt the most.
The system had broken both of them. Left them unable to cope. She should have backed away, reminding herself that things would take their own course. As expected, the thought brought the day she'd tried to take his life back to mind. She'd wanted to take matters into her own hands; wanted to relieve Naruto of the burden he'd taken on for them.
Looking back, it was clear as day she never would've followed through.
She would have avoided a great deal of hurt if she'd realised that earlier. This time, she would make the promise of a lifetime to herself: no longer the girl she was mere months ago, she would take a different path. She would allow herself to heal. Untethered by her fears, she would continue to grow.
If only it wasn't easier said than done.
How much more would she worry herself about this? And how long had she already spent contemplating her circumstances?
Far too long, as per the clock upon her bedroom wall. The sky was already streaked with red and gold, a biting draught blowing in as she opened the window. The evening was coming to an end - tomorrow, she would continue trying. Sakura braced her hands against the sill, welcoming the sting of the cold air.
Seemed she'd have to call it another lonely day.