Chapter Text
Looking over his sketches of the night at Borg’s Hollow, Icheb was glad to be by himself on a stone bench in the grassy courtyard. He had used a ballpoint pen to do a rough drawing of the living room as it was before the Dark Lord’s demise, the hairpin he later realized he’d inadvertently taken, and the glowing room with the cloaked figure. He hoped drawing the memories would help him remember what had happened, how he had ended up on the walkway outside the house.
Was it possible he dreamt it? Yes, of course. But how had he ended up with the hairpin? Maybe he went into the house, found it, and then hit his head. But it didn’t answer how he got outside. He flipped to an empty page and began sketching the hairpin again, this time bigger. Not aware how it was connected, he just knew it was in some way.
A ruckus on the other side of the courtyard tried to grab his attention, but he forced away the outside world as he pressed the ballpoint deep into the paper. Defining and redefining the lines, he willed some answer to come to him. None did.
He sighed and stretched his neck. It was the first time he had looked up at the blue sky that day. He admired the crystal clear view. When he looked back down, he nearly fell backwards over the bench.
“Hello, Icheb.”
His heart pounded in his chest and he gripped his sketchbook with white knuckles. It couldn’t be.
“Let me see,” she said, reaching out for it. He gripped it to his chest like a shield.
“I just want to see,” Alice said, not unkindly.
He released the book a small fraction from his chest, then gaining his breath once more, he felt himself give the book over. He watched the woman as she carefully opened it.
He didn’t expect the genuine smile, or at least it looked genuine to him.
“These are good, Icheb. Really. Have you been drawing for a long time?” She turned each page carefully, soaking in the sketches one at a time. “This is my living room!”
He felt his lips lift in a small smile. Remaining cautious, he approached her and looked at the sketch she was studying. “Not long. A few years.”
“This is pretty,” she touched the ink that indented the paper. It was the hairpin. “Anni used to have one just like it.”
He wasn’t sure if he should confess to the accidental theft he committed that night. He was thinking about it when his name was called from behind him.
“Ike?”
He closed his eyes for a moment, taking the time to prepare himself. Naomi always had a way of making him feel better, but this time he didn’t want to feel better. On one of the worst nights of his life, his best friend hadn’t believed him. She’d been as doubtful as the Headmistress. Both had outright discounted everything he relayed. Two more blows in one terrible night.
He turned around finally, looking at his old friend.
She seemed to figure out that he was annoyed or mad. “Nevermind.” She continued walking away, and he watched her leave.
“Pity,” Alice said behind him, “people can be so disappointing.”
He nodded and turned around to speak to her, but she was no longer there, his sketchbook sitting open on the bench. He shook his head and went back to his drawings.
*****
B’Elanna spoke in a singsong voice, deliberately being as annoying as possible, “I hear your girlfriend is coming back today.”
Annika froze as she lifted the small fork up to her mouth. It took a moment for her brain to kick back into gear before she enveloped the square of cantaloupe on her fork. B’Elanna’s smug face was the most aggravating part, but she wouldn’t let the other woman “win.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Suuuure,” B’Elanna voiced.
Really, it was all Annika’s fault, and she knew it. When B’Elanna had poked and prodded about her behavior regarding a certain woman, Annika threw her off the trail. It was still better that B’Elanna was teasing her about Deanna instead of–anyone else. No matter how annoying. Every once in awhile, she would forget that though, and B’Elanna’s teasing would trigger her real reaction. A ball of illogical, messy feelings that were better off locked in a cube somewhere.
Annika went about eating her breakfast, half listening to B’Elanna speaking with Neelix from across the room. When the headmistress was away, everyone seemed a lot more relaxed. Sometimes too much, Annika thought, but she’d gotten more accustomed to it over the two months of the summer holidays. There were still a few students on campus, which helped tamper down the professors’ antics, but when they were out of sight of students, all bets were off.
Her first summer in Scotland, and she wasn’t missing San Francisco much. The weather was similar, hot when it was hot, and gray a lot. She liked it gray. At first, she had spent almost 7 hours a day working on school lessons and evaluations. But it didn’t take long to finish what could be done, and then she had a month and two weeks to fill.
Lessons with B’Elanna continued, with Kes visiting every so often. Annika had gotten the hang of a few spells over that time, at least the basics. Using a wand was always more precarious than without. She had more control over direction, but the magic was sporadic, and sometimes flammable. She blamed the fire incident during the quidditch match on that. They typically spent an hour on each–wand and wandless.
Unfortunately, Kes’ research hadn’t uncovered anything useful for the lines that appeared on her skin when she did use magic. She would continue to refrain from using it in front of students unless absolutely necessary. While she had gained some fans over the first year, she was still well aware of the fear both students and adults had around her.
Finishing her breakfast, Annika took her plate, utensils and cup to the cart near the kitchen entrance. B’Elanna had informed her that the elves took care of these things, which horrified her. Had she known the elves were slaves to wizards, she would’ve been taking care of her own things from the beginning. It took a few dozen times before the elves finally understood that she did not want them cleaning her quarters, or up after her, and that it wasn’t an insult. As for the meals, she knew she had to bite the bullet there, but she did her best to clean up after herself, and some of the less tidy professors.
“I’ll see you later,” she called to the room.
B’Elanna grinned, “she’s getting here at 13:00!”
Annika rolled her eyes as she made her way into the hall. It was a pretty nice day, so she decided she would go back to the little cottage by the lake and do some more work on the property. As the air met her outside, she smiled at the combination of the warm sun and cool breeze. Perfect for working outside. She passed a few buildings as she made her way to the path she’d learned well from the previous walk with—her eidetic memory.
She was passing by the last little courtyard when she spotted Icheb. He was sketching again, sitting in a grass patch in the shade. That was something that confused her. She’d hoped that since he would be there during the summer holiday, they would get a chance to discuss astronomy, or maybe he’d help her with another flying lesson. Instead, he’d pulled far away from her. She tried not to be bothered by it, but she missed their interactions. He reminded her of Four. Not so much how he looked, but his shy curiosity and hidden creativity. Maybe when the school year started up again, he’d come around.
*****
Annika purposefully avoided returning to campus before four. She waited past six, eight, and ten. It wasn’t as if she couldn’t handle B’Elanna’s teasing, or that she didn’t want to see Deanna. It felt like she just needed to start getting prepared for school to start up again, and for—everyone to return. The break had been nicer than she thought it would be, and she was a little sad that it would soon be over. Everyone would be busy again, including herself, and she’d miss some of the long dinner chats she’d had with a few of the professors.
She watched the moonlight on the lake and tossed tiny pebbles into it absentmindedly. If she was being truthful with herself, she’d maybe slightly admit that she missed one person in particular, but she’d kept that thought firmly secured away, contained and far from the forefront of her mind. The thought, even the inkling of the thought, brought too much with it. The fluttering feeling in her gut, the slightly raised pulse and breathing. Even a little perspiration. But it was difficult to completely ignore the small yet not trivial hollowness. Confronting it was out of the question. That would lead to an opening in her chest that wouldn’t be possible to close. All of the various hurts over the years would fill up the hole and spill out. Good, and not so good. Using her magic for the first time, since the Dark Lord anyway, was fulfilling, but not as much as she had expected.
It made sense at the time. She hadn’t explored that side of herself, because of the obvious and at times debilitating trauma she’d experienced at a young age. Surely getting in touch with that side would cause some ruffles along the way, that was part of growing. She expected that. It was difficult, but expected.
The feelings that weren’t expected were the problematic ones. The truly troubling ones. Feelings she hadn’t even realized could be aroused from their neutral, surrendered state. Even her past relationships, as fatal as most of them were, had never really reached her. They were usually awkward or uncomfortable. She was either hiding parts of herself, or letting her defensiveness take over. There was no doubt in her mind that she’d earned the insults that were thrown at her––ice queen, cold hearted, made of stone, an outright bitch. She’d deserved all of them, and more. She had not made a good partner. Then out of the blue, without any sort of preparation, she was abruptly confronted with someone who effortlessly moved through all of her walls as if they were vapor. That was disturbing. That was terrifying.
It was too much to contemplate for a second longer. She rose from her spot by the water and swiftly made her way back toward campus. B’Elanna would be out of the professor’s dinery, as would the rest. She could grab something small and get back to her quarters. Maybe she’d read a little, or watch the television she was able to hook up with some effort.
*****
She hesitantly opened the door to the dining room, and was entirely relieved to find everything quiet. The food was covered in a kind of stasis to keep it fresh, but as good as the fresh bread looked, she realized that she wasn’t actually that hungry. Instead, she poured some water from the ever-boiling water kettle into a mug and added the flowering chrysanthemum. The dimness of the room made the moonlight shining through the large windows inviting, and she carried her tea over to look out at the courtyard.
She took a small sip in the quiet room and then let out a relaxing breath.
“Good evening,” said the voice behind her.
Annika froze once more, every molecule of her becoming rigid and tense. She glanced up higher on the window to catch the reflection of the woman behind her. Her eyes were staring back through the reflection, a penetrating gaze that was impossible to forget.
She turned around to face the woman, but there was no one there.