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"Okay. Okay. Yes. I know. Alright. Okay. Okay. Yeah, we're almost there. Okay. Love you too mum. Bye." I smiled into the microphone, trying desperately to hang up. My unrelenting mother making me tell Phil she gave him her love before finally allowing the conversation to finish.
"What'd she want?" Phil asked resting his head on my shoulder, turning me very slightly so he could kiss my cheek.
"Just wanted to make sure we didn't forget that we are to see her today." I replied. "And then wanted to make sure that we'd stay for dinner, let me know that we could spend the night in my old room, wished us a safe trip, you know; the usual mum stuff."
"Yeah. Okay." each word was stunted.
"Hey, you're not still nervous, are you?" I put my arms around his back and held him closely."You don't need to go. I can just as easily do it on my own, they'll understand I promise."
"A little bit. I want to come, I do but- I know you said that they would like me and everything, but you don't know that for definite, Dan. What if they don't?"
"They will Phil. You just have to trust me on this one. They're going to adore you."
"But what if they don't. What if they don't like the way I talk or how I hold myself or-"
I silenced him by pressing my lips to his gently. He cuddled closer to me twisting his fingers in my hair tugging lightly before dropping his hand and pulling away. "They will love you. And if hell freezes over and they don't, then they can go fuck themselves alright? I love you, and that's all that matters." I smiled holding his face in my hands.
"Okay. I love you too."
The train finally stopped at our destination so we got up and grabbed our overnight bags. I followed Phil off the train and waited with him to call for a taxi. The entire ride was again, spent trying to calm down Phil and convince him he had nothing to worry about. We arrived at my parent's house while Phil continued gnawing on his lip pushing his hair out of his face trying to adjust it. I grabbed his hand so he'd stop messing with it and led him up the walkway to my front door. I raised my hand to knock, but before I could, the door was swung open and I was pulled into a tight embrace filled with sloppy, lipstick stained kisses from my mum.
"I missed you too mum." I laughed as she pulled back cradling my face in her hands.
She pulled a face at me for mocking her and lightly slapped my cheek then turned to Phil.
"Look at you! You're even cuter in person." She cooed pulling him into a forced hug.
Phil nervously laughed and hugged her back as I rolled my eyes. I love my mum, I really do. Growing up, I was much more of a mummy's boy than a daddy's boy, but sometimes she really knew how to make my friends-or in this case, boyfriend-feel uncomfortable.
"Come on in. Dinner's almost ready. I'll allow you two to get settled in Daniel's old room." She began as more and more words fell past her lips.
She really could talk forever, but that's my mum. Phil thanked her probably a thousand times from the doorway to my room so I was more than glad to close my door.
"You're so cute when you're nervous." I smiled dropping my bag on my old bed.
"Shut up." He mumbled flushing bright red.
"No, it's adorable. Thanking my mum a million times, blushing when she hugged you." I laughed pinching his cheek like one would with a small child.
"I hate you!" He laughed pushing my hand away. "I'm going to get back at you, you know."
"Oh I'm sure you will, Phil. After all the times you've gotten back at me before." I laughed plopping down on my mattress.
"No, this isn't an empty threat Dan. I will get you. I just don't know how yet." He mused looking up and to the left like the answer to revenge was just out of his sight.
"Okay, okay. I believe you." I replied standing up to kiss his cheek. "Let's get some food. I'm starving."
***
"Your house looks lovely Mrs. Howell." Phil said, very genuinely looking around, completely in awe of the house. He studied the photos of me and my brother at the beach, various weddings and whatnot, not looking what he was doing he almost scattered his second helping of potatoes across the table.
"Thank you Phil. Aren't you just the sweetest thing!" gushed my mum.
"So, Phil. Tell us about yourself." My dad smiled at him and I rested my hand on his knee for reassurance.
"Well, sir, I'm very much like your son. We listen to the same music, we both make YouTube videos, and we have our Radio 1 show together." He replied rather hesitantly but nodding, flicking his eyes to me for a short moment.
"Oh we know. We've tuned in for every one of them!" My mum was very proud, anyone could see that. She was also a little cautious of the juices of the potato, eyeing the dribbles Phil had left on the table like a disgruntles eagle. "But we already know that stuff. Tell us something we don't know."
"Umm like what?" He asked as politely as he could, trying not to sound so nervous.
"How about your home life and family?" She prompted as Phil took a breath.
"Actually, mum, we were possibly thinking to meet up together for Christmas this year so you could talk with them then. It's only fair you know as much about them as they do you." I cut in for Phil to save him.
He mouthed a quiet 'thank you' as my mum started talking to my brother, asking him to put his mobile away.
"It's okay for you to eat." I whispered to Phil noticing his untouched food.
He gave me a quick nod and cut up his meat, stuffing it in his mouth.
"It's alright. You're fine. You're doing great." I whispered under abated breath as his cheeks heated up.
"You play any video games Phil?" My brother asked casually.
Phil nodded trying to hurry up and finish chewing to answer his question but I jumped in for him again so he wouldn't choke.
"He does and I beat him every time."
"How? You're horrible at them. I bet Phil's letting you win."
"I'm not terrible! If I remember correctly, I can kick your ass at any game."
"Shut up bitch."
"Make me you twit."
"Boys!" My mum cut in before we really started going at it.
"Sorry mum." We mumbled in unison.
I looked up at him to see him grinning at me mouthing 'later'.
Phil was asked a few more questions before he was able to turn it on my dad asking what he did and how he liked his work. So formal for Phil. Once we finished eating, my mum began clearing the plates while Phil and I got up to help.
"Oh Phil, honey, you don't need to clean up. Why don't you go in the lounge and relax until dessert." My mum suggested.
"I've got it mum." I smiled at her wanting to give her and Phil more time to talk.
For some reason, he's still nervous around her but maybe some time without me hovering would help. Plus it'd be hilarious to question Phil later asking how many times he stuttered or blushed as one of my mum's comments. She smiled at me and showed Phil to the lounge while my dad and I began gathering the plates together. My brother was able to sneak off into his room though that didn't surprise me. He always does what he can to get out of chores.
"So what do you think of Phil?" I asked my dad loading things into the dishwasher.
"He's a lot nicer than any girls you've brought home in the past. And if he makes you happy, I'm happy." He smiled placing a hand on my shoulder and putting the plates down gently on the counter.
"Thanks dad. He really does. Make me happy I mean." I replied sorting the cutlery.
I heard Phil's laugh echo from the lounge to the kitchen making my lips curve into a smile. I love that laugh, though I had to wonder what made him do it seeing as there's no way my mum could make a funny enough joke. I wandered into the lounge to see Phil sitting next to my mum going through my baby scrapbook.
"Mum!" I shouted turning every shade of red imaginable. "What are you doing?!"
"I'm just showing Phil what a cute baby you were." She smiled as if nothing was wrong. "Oh Phil, look at this one. I swear, he never wore pants as a kid. Always running around in just a shirt, his little bum always out."
Phil put a hand over his mouth as he laughed at the picture. Without looking at it, I knew just the one she was showing. It was a stupid picture of me when I was about 4 wearing a black shirt saying "Mummy's Little Rock Star". I was turned around running away from the camera, my entire bottom half exposed.
"Thank you mum." I said, as sarcastically as I could and wide-eyed.
"Honey is dessert ready yet?" she asked, ignoring my silent plea.
"No. I-I just came to see what Phil was laughing at. Why don't we just put this book down and look at it another time." I suggested; though 'another time' would be when we see it in a fire pit as I burn all those pictures.
"Go on, get to it Daniel. We're not going to wait all night for dessert." She dismissed me with a wave of her hand.
"Phil, can you help me with dessert?" I asked through my teeth to get him away from those pictures of me.
"Daniel! You don't ask our guests to do work in our home." She scolded.
"Plus your mum is showing me all the cute baby pictures of you. You were adorable Dan." Phil mocked me and I bit my lip in sheer frustration.
I took a seat on the couch next to my mum as she flipped the page. I flung my hand down over the picture before she could point it out to Phil. Oh god, why is she doing this?! And Phil loves it. Of course he loves it. This is his revenge but seriously? Embarrassing baby pictures?
"Daniel James Howell you stop that this instant!" My mum scolded smacking my hand. "Go in the kitchen and finish up dessert."
I turned to look over at Phil who was trying his hardest not to burst out laughing at me as I slumped back into the kitchen. I quickly cut up the brownies my mum made and scoped the ice cream on top as fast as I could then brought everything into the dining room.
"Come on! Dessert right now!" I called frantically, hoping that they'd come back and leave my scrapbook alone.
Phil casually strolled in, a cocky grin on his face as he took a seat in front of his dessert. I sat down next to him giving him a look warning him not to say anything about the pictures.
"I hope we are going to have time to finish going through Dan's baby book, Mrs. Howell." Phil politely smiled at my mum.
"Oh of course Phil. We can finish up right after dessert if you'd like." She replied more than willing to bust out all of my early childhood pictures while my brother snickered.
"Actually, mum, I think Phil and I are going to just relax after this. Maybe watch a movie in my room. The train ride was long..." I cut in before Phil could say anything.
"Oh don't worry about me, Dan. I'm fine." He replied in an annoyingly innocent tone.
I chewed the inside of my cheek glaring at Phil letting him know he's in for it later. He tried to hold back a laugh as he took a spoonful of ice cream and shot me a smile. Once everyone finished dessert, my dad made my brother hang back to clean everything up so I followed my mum and Phil back in the lounge. I sat next to Phil this time so I wouldn't get my mum mad at me as she flipped back to the page she left off on.
"Would you look at this one? Dan, honey, are you still scared of butterflies?" my mum laughed as she showed Phil the picture of me covered in butterflies, with my face bright red and tear streaked from crying after being viciously attacked by the winged monsters.
"No." I mumbled, though everyone knew it was a lie.
Phil laughed pinching my cheek gushing with my mum at how 'adorable I was' though Phil's intention was to get his revenge where as my mum was just excited to show me off. After humiliating pictures of me in the bath, my first few Halloweens in stupid costumes, and a lovely picture of me completely naked beaming at the camera for missing the toilet when I was being potty-trained, the horrific nightmare finally came to an end. My mum closed the wretched thing and put it back on the shelf where it belongs.
"Well, I'm tired. I'm going upstairs. Coming Phil?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him.
"Sure. Thanks again for having us, Mrs. Howell. Dinner was delicious and I loved seeing Dan's old photos." Phil smiled at my mum as she pulled him in for a hug.
"You're so polite Phil! You're so welcome. I'm so glad you're with my little Dancakes, you're such a good match.
Oh no.
Not Dancakes. Oh god, please tell me she didn't just say that.
"Dancakes?" He asked raising an eyebrow smiling.
"Dan's never told you?" She asked looking at me very seriously as I turned red again.
"No, mum. And I wasn't planning on it." I droned, trying desperately to drag Phil upstairs.
"Oh Daniel, please. You're acting like it's the end of the world." My mum tutted.
"Yeah, I want to hear the story behind your name, Dancakes." Phil cooed making me want to tackle him to the ground right here and now.
"Well, there's not much of a story really. It's just for the longest time, Daniel would eat nothing but pancakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He'd even starve himself if I wouldn't make them for him. Isn't that right love?"
Jesus Christ whose side is she on? I'd almost like to think she's doing this on purpose and is not this cringy with guests, but nope. That's my mum.
"Yes." I sighed. "But I eat regular food now so 'Dancakes' is dead."
"You want to know how I got him to eat other food?" she asked Phil ignoring me.
"Mum nooo." I pleaded.
"I told him that if he kept eating all those pancakes he'd turn into one. So I called him 'Dancakes' all the time. He came up to me one evening bawling his little eyes out cause some boy in his class asked him why he was darker skinned compared to everyone else in the class. He thought he started turning into a pancake." She laughed as Phil joined in.
I turned around and marched up the stairs trying to control the blood rushing across my face. I plopped myself down on my bed and clicked the TV on as Phil walked in.
"Why the long face, Dancakes?"
"You know why you twit." I pouted. "And my name's Dan. Not Dancakes."
"Aww don't be mad." He smiled crawling into bed with me pulling me into his chest.
"No I hate you." I replied trying not to smile.
"I love you too." He laughed kissing my neck. "And now we're even."
"Even?! No way! That was way worse than anything I've ever done."
"You're still cranky!"
"Am not."
"Yeah huh."
"Whatever you say Dancakes."
"You're not going to stop calling me that are you?" I groaned.
"Nope."
"Why can't your parents be as cringe as mine?" I pouted wanting to hold something against Phil, knowing I had nothing.
"You're parents are awesome." He corrected me. "I like your family."
"I told you they'd like you too. So worrying about this was kind of silly, huh?" I smiled pecking his lips.
"Not as silly as you, Dancakes." He laughed.
I groaned slamming my head against my pillow. He really isn't ever going to let me live that one down.
"You're lucky I love you so much, you know that? Anyone else, I would have killed them by now for calling me that wretched name."
"I think it's adorable."
"Of course you do."
Phil giggled peppering kisses over my skin as I played with his hair.
"I really am tired though." I yawned cuddling close to Phil kicking my jeans off. "I'll find something embarrassing about you one day."
"Whatever you say-"
"Don't say it. Or I'll...do something." I half threatened.
"Or you'll do what?" He challenged rubbing my back as I cuddled close to him closing my eyes.
"I don't know, I'm sleepy." I sighed allowing myself to drift. "Goodnight. I love you."
"I love you too. Sleep well, little Dancakes."