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You and Merricat sleep in Uncle Julian's bed. Many years have passed since his death but you still think of it as his bed. How this house is your father's house and the little cups in the kitchen cupboard are your mother's.
Nothing is really yours. Except your sister.
You usually wake up to her placing small kisses all over your face. Or with her hands massaging you between your legs. On those days you wake up with a smile and tell her how silly she is, and she tells you how happy she is. She says it as if there is no other possibility, Merricat believes in the magic of words and maybe she is right to believe it because when she says it you believe it, when she says it becomes true.
It's harder when you wake up first. The body on top of you feels like soulless flesh. You get closer to her face to make sure she's still breathing, that she didn't leave you alone on the moon.
She's breathing.
That’s good.
In the past you knew what to do with bodies that no longer breathed but if it were her you have no idea what you would do, who you would be afterwards.
Maybe it's because you always loved her more than you loved everyone else.
Or maybe it's because she's the only one left.
You prefer to believe the first statement.
It's easier this way.
You close your eyes and wait to fall asleep to wake up again in a better world that she will make for you.