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After Levi’s passing, Armin volunteered to help Mikasa sort through the captain’s belongings. Though living modestly, the man amassed a considerable number of personal effects. They were all neatly organized on shelves and in boxes.
As Mikasa sorted through Levi’s wardrobe, Armin opened Levi’s nightstand. It was empty except for a piece of parchment neatly folded in the drawer. Curious, he picked up and examined it.
Unlike Levi’s other belongings, the parchment was worn, and the ink smudged in places. The creases on the parchment developed cracks from being folded, and it seemed to have gotten wet in certain areas. The faded ink reminded Armin of the older documents that sat in his office from his time as a scout. Commander Erwin’s familiar hand startled him. He did not expect a document from the Commander to be so dear to Captain Levi. Regardless of the inner voice’s protests, he couldn’t resist reading.
My Dearest Levi,
I hope you never read this letter. I hope you and I are together, living the life we always wanted. However, I am fully aware I will not be able to return. I am a liability and if it were you, I wouldn’t let you go on this mission. Your anger is fully justified in this matter and I do not blame you for it. Regretfully, it had to be this way. I never wanted to cause you pain, and I caused you pain in the worst way imaginable. Please, I hope you will forgive me one day for this.
Seeing you for the first time awakened something in me long asleep. The way you moved was pure poetry. You moved as if born to fly, and I wished to know you. From that day onwards, you captivated me, mind, body, and soul, and I couldn’t be happier. I fought Shadis to get you in my squad, but I am glad I did because it meant I could be close to you. Those nights we spent simply in each other’s company hold some of the fondest memories for me. I’ve always been content being close to you and even if you never loved me, I would be happy to be your friend.
I was so anxious you wouldn’t like the suit I bought for you. Hence, I told Petra to deliver it instead of me. It was cowardly, of course, but I couldn’t face you. You looked gorgeous in it. When you walked through my office door, I believed my jaw had fallen off my face. I’m surprised you didn’t see it on the floor. You looked breathtaking. The joy I experienced when I realized you returned my feelings is indescribable. I am still in awe of it. I am in awe of you, dear Levi. Despite your fear when I confessed my love for you, I wouldn’t trade the moment for anything. It’s a typical situation that still brings laughter to me.
Every day, you make my dreams come true. It is a dream from which I hope I never wake. You gave me hope in a way that has revitalized me on my darkest days. I do not deserve the kindness you’ve given me over the years. Your care overwhelms me. Thankful for your help during my coma. Waking up worry-free was heavenly. You had faith in me, supported me, and called me out whenever I needed it. I couldn’t ask for a better partner. You are so perfect for me. It’s almost unbelievable.
Truthfully, I didn’t deserve you. I was selfish a selfish bastard all these years. I wished to liberate you countless times, but could not do so. Someone better could’ve freed you instead of binding you to a life of death and destruction. I was doomed long before you came along. This was always my end, and I shouldn’t have burdened you so. I gave up many things in pursuit of my dream. But you were never one of them. Despite my best efforts, I failed. I am sorry I never gave you the life you deserved. It saddens me that you’ll never experience such a life.
Dear sweet Levi, you gave me my humanity back. I had become consumed with my role as a good soldier before I met you. You reminded me who I am, and I am eternally grateful to you. I can’t fathom who I would be without you. I am convinced that fate brought us together. We needed each other. At least I needed you. My life is richer because of you. I am certain I went in peace because I have everything I want in my life.
Do you remember the dreams we had of our new life after the Titans? Of course you do. It’s probably the reason you’re currently angry with me. I want you to understand that I still have a longing for our dream. I hold on to hope for that future. But it can’t be possible if I don’t go on this mission. Hopefully, you understand by now. I want a family with you. I want you to be my husband. There is no one else I’d rather spend my life with than you. We didn’t choose an easy life-not until our jobs are done. I still want those dreams, despite their impossibility. You are my world and my new purpose. However, I must confront unresolved issues to move forward.
Levi, I wish I could keep writing forever, ensuring we never get separated. I want you to hear my voice and feel my presence for the rest of y life. It is a selfish desire and I hope you live a full and happy life when I am gone. But I selfishly I want you to keep me close to your heart forever. I will watch over and protect you to the fullest extent possible. Even after I’m no longer present, I am certain that you will achieve great things. I am counting on it. You are the hope of the future for humanity. I know fully that Eren is a powerful symbol of hope and I know he will give his best, but you, my dear Levi, possess even greater strength than him. You will carry on this mission until humanity is free once more. I realized from the moment I saw you eliminate your first Titan. Only you can ensure the salvation of humanity.
Alas, sweetheart, I must be going. I could continue writing indefinitely, but I fear that I would end up repeating myself beyond what I’ve already done. You are my light, my strength, and my heart. You, my hope for the future, inspire me to be a better man. I love you madly, truly, deeply. We healed each other’s hurt, embraced each other in the darkness, and supported each other through troubled times. I’m lucky to have something like this-someone like you. I never expected I would love again and now I question if I ever truly loved anyone prior to loving you. Everything else seems artificial. My love for you is the realest thing in my life. You are my reality, and I’ll protect you with all I have. You provided me with everything I never realized I needed. Thank you, Levi.
You are my one and only forever.
All my love and more,
Erwin
“What are you reading?” Mikasa asked, bringing Armin back to reality.
“It’s a letter from the Commander to the Captain.”
“Oh” Mikasa looked away.
“Were you aware?”
“Aware of what?”
“Of their relationship?”
“I was. Only by accident, though. I doubt he would have told me otherwise.”
“Why didn’t you say anything? They loved each other and Levi let that go to save me.” Armin said as tears welled up in his eyes.
“He thought it was wiser to keep you in the dark. Levi knew that you felt bad enough as it was and he didn’t want you to feel worse.” Mikasa replied. “Besides, he didn’t give you the serum to save you. At least he didn’t choose you over the Commander. He made that very clear.”
“I always had a sense that he should have resurrected Commander Erwin instead of me,” Armin said quietly. “This confirms it.”
“Armin, Levi spoke of many regrets in his life over the years. He never regretted the choice he made back then. I am unsure of the reason he saved you instead of Commander Erwin, but it had nothing to do with you. He did it for the Commander. That was what it seemed like, anyway.”
Armin glanced at the worn page in his hand. “I wish he’d told me.”
“Levi did what he considered was best, and I agree. Regardless of what you believe, you deserve to be the commander of the Scouts. You deserve this life you’ve been given. Your contributions since the wall’s retaking made Levi proud.”
“They loved each other very much.” Armin said. “I can’t fathom the heartache the captain endured after Wall Maria.”
“I don’t think he ever recovered from it,” Mikasa replied. “Remember how often we took him to the commander’s grave?”
“Almost as often as you visit that grove.”
Mikasa turned from Armin at this, pulling out a white garment. “I found a suit he never wore. I wonder why he held onto it?”
“I read something about that in this letter.” Armin replied, looking at the document again. “Ah yes, it seems it was a present from Commander Erwin.”
“We should bury him in it in that case. Along with the bolo tie and that letter.”
“Mikasa?”
“What is it, Armin?”
“You’ve never gotten over Eren, have you?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Is it a trait of being an Ackerman or is that the true nature of love?”
“If you’re asking if you ever loved Annie, you know the answer.”
"Once Annie returned to live with her father, I was sad, but I’m okay with it now. I’m happy that she has a life she is proud of, but I’ve moved on from it. I’ve always questioned if Bertholt’s memories influenced my feelings for her.”
“I suppose it’s difficult to know anything for sure. But your feelings were genuine, Armin. Never doubt that. There’s something about the Ackerman blood that connects us to people in a special way, in my opinion.”
“Mikasa?”
“Yes?”
“I miss Eren too. Despite causing harm to us and many others.”
“Then come with me next time to visit him, please?”
“I will.”