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Levi gazed out at the open ocean from his perch on the cliff, watching the sun set into the waves. The water, which had once been dyed a deep blue, was colored by the red glare of the sun, and the spray of it hitting the rocks caught the fading sunlight and turned to glitter in the air. A few white sea birds with bent wings, dyed orange by the light, glided on the updrafts of the ever-present breeze near the shore, calling out to each other in piercing screeches over the rhythmic gentle roar of the ocean waves.
“Do you mind if I sit here with you?”
Levi looked up at the familiar voice. It was the young Survey Corps member, Armin Arlert, hero of the Battle of Shiganshina, and the boy he had chosen to take on the colossal titan’s power.
He motioned wordlessly for him to sit wherever he wanted.
“It really is beautiful, isn’t it,” Armin commented as he settled into the grass.
Levi nodded, his eyes back to tracing the orange-tinted waves, “It’s like a lake. But a shitton bigger.”
He spotted a few moving specks of the others still running around on the sandy shore below the cliffs. Some playing tag with the lapping surf, others sitting down to view the sunset, same as them.
“You can’t drink from it, though,” Armin said.
Levi scoffed, “Can’t drink straight from a lake either unless you want to shit yourself to death.”
Armin laughed just a little, his large eyes catching the fading light of the sun, but they shone just the same, “But with a lake, you can at least filter it and boil it until it’s safe. That’s not true with seawater, it’s too salty… but that also means we don’t need to mine for salt anymore.”
Levi nodded, “True…the lakes can’t make a whole career path obsolete.”
Armin leaned back, gazing off into the horizon, “...and it really is huge, it seems like it goes on forever…”
It was true. Even with the largest lakes Levi had seen within the walls, he could still see the fringe of trees on the other side, low on the horizon, peeking out above the water, a mossy reminder that the water stopped, as surely as the walls signaled the edge of their own civilization.
The lakes outside the walls Levi barely noticed, he was too busy trying to not get killed… but if he had taken the time to notice back then, he was sure it’d be the same.
The ocean on the other hand seemed indefinite, laughing at the concept of a fringe of trees, at walls, of an ending…
But…
They both knew what was actually beyond it. From Grisha Jaeger’s books, Eren’s reported memories, and from the large imposing man-made structure of the walled-off docks in the distance, casting harsh shadows against the land in the fading light…
There was something just out of sight past the seemingly endless sea.
Something very real, and very dangerous.
Armin’s voice was soft, “Sometimes I wonder if… if I really should have been the one to see this, though.”
Levi turned to him.
The young man had folded in on himself slightly, knees up to his chest, looking down at the grass at his feet, “Commander Erwin, he… he also wanted to know what was beyond the walls. He wanted to see what was in the basement, so he’d … he probably would have wanted to see the ocean, too.”
Levi nodded, “Yes, he would have.”
Armin folded more in on himself, “Exactly…”
“It was his dream, you know. To prove his old man right once and for all…”
Armin swallowed, he grabbed a handful of grass beside him as though to anchor himself to the spot, “And he never even got to see it in the end… because… because I…”
“Because I chose you instead.”
There was silence between them for a moment, only punctuated by the cries of the birds and the lapping of the waves.
Armin nodded, “But still I– I don’t know if– I don’t think I'm worthy enough to be his replacement…”
Levi looked at him, and replied blandly, “It’s because you’re not.”
Armin finally met his gaze, his wide eyes filled with confusion.
“You’re not a replacement,” Levi repeated firmly, “You can’t be a replacement.”
The young man’s gaze dropped, “...yeah.”
“Nothing can replace a life,” Levi continued, glancing off into the sunset, his eyes catching the lazy motion of the seabirds on the wind, “Every single person is an individual, and when they’re gone, there’s nothing or no one who can fill the hole they leave behind. Even if you were the best soldier our sorry asses had ever seen. You’d still not be able to replace Erwin.”
Armin was silent, so Levi continued.
“Human beings aren’t tar that patches up holes, they’re not gas canisters that you empty and replace, and they’re not blades where you can just grab new ones after your first two got shattered to pieces. They’re people. Unique as fucking snowflakes. You’re not Erwin. You can never be Erwin. You can only be you.”
Armin spoke up again, “Then why did you save me when you could have had Erwin back? Don’t you think that he deserved to live…?”
“Erwin did deserve to live,” Levi looked at him again, his gaze serious, “So many good people died that day, and not a damn one of them deserved it.”
Armin took a deep breath and put his head down, “Exactly. They all deserved to live…” he paused, and continued, “And I was prepared to die, you know…”
“So was Erwin, in the end.”
“But…” Armin’s voice cracked slightly, “I was alright with not being able to see the ocean, as long as I helped my friends get there. It didn’t matter what happened to me, as long as– as long as someone–”
“Armin,” Levi interrupted, “When you’re in the Survey Corps as long as I have been, you get a different perspective on the whole thing. Not a single person actually had a poetic reason to die. Even the ones who say they’re willing to lay down their lives for what they believe in.
“Death can’t do anything that living can’t do better. Dying is sometimes a consequence that’s unavoidable, but a premature death won’t make a life any more worthy than any other. There’s no poetry, no honor, no justification in death that’s not just as achievable in life. ”
“But–”
“Erwin didn’t deserve to die, but you also didn’t deserve to die. Your life had meaning, same as his. You were given life, same as him. You were put on this earth, same as him. You can have your life, same as him, and you deserve to see the ocean, same as him. Understand?
“And don’t feel guilty because of any bullshit people give you about ‘taking away’ Erwin’s life. You didn’t do a damn thing. It’s not your fault, and it’s not my fault. It was that shithead beast titan who did it. If he wasn’t there, then none of this would have happened. But it did happen, and we can only move forward from there.”
Armin silently nodded, but his eyes were still clouded in thought.
“I know that sometimes,” Levi continued, looking off into the distance, “The blessings we’re given can feel just as shitty as the curses. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t accept them just the same.”
The two were quiet then, watching as the sun sank deeper into the horizon.