Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

As expected, when Shi Qingxuan explains the strange dream to their psychiatrist, all he says is, “That’s odd.” He rationalizes it as a manifestation of their stress or some bullshit and then ups the dose of their sleep medication at their request.

For the most part, the new dose does the trick. Shi Qingxuan is able to sleep again at night without the threat of nightmares looming in the back of their mind. If they have to wake up a little more tired than usual, then it’s just a small price to pay for a good night’s rest.

Then the deja vu starts.

At first, it’s only small things: a whiff of perfume that reminds them of a person they’ve never met, a flower they know is native to a town they’ve never been to, a patterned fabric that resembles clothes they’ve never worn. It’s jarring every time, instantly pulling them away from whatever they were doing to desperately grasp at memories that just aren’t there.

But the worst is when they remember a brother they’ve never had, because he’s everywhere. Their coworker throws her head back a particular way when she laughs, and they have to excuse themself to cry in the bathroom. The ocean is such a specific shade of blue one morning- the same color as his eyes- that they’re paralyzed as they watch the waves lap onto the shore, standing in place for so long that they’re late for work.

How is it possible to miss someone that doesn’t exist? They can’t even put a name or a face to him, but they still know him like the back of their hand.

The deja vu is manageable, at least.

What comes next is not.

Shi Qingxuan stares off into space as they scrub the inside of a cup, up to their elbows in soapy water. It’s been a slow day at work so far, but the upcoming lunch rush will surely make up for it. Mentally, Shi Qingxuan berates the closers from the night before for leaving all the dishes for them to do. They’re not sure they’ll be able to finish them in time for the first wave of hungry customers. Really, is it so hard to be a thoughtful coworker… Shi Qingxuan is practically slaving away here!

Shi Qingxuan sighs wistfully and sets the glass to the side to dry so they can grab the next one to clean. They don’t hear the kitchen door swing open and shut, nor the footsteps of one of their coworkers from behind them.

“Hey, are you almost done? We need help up front.”

Who even closed last night? It must have been the teenagers. This next generation is really hopeless, aren't they?

“Hello? Anyone there?”

Even leaving the dishes to soak overnight would have been kinder than just letting all the food dry onto the plates and become impossible to get off-

“Qingxuan!”

Shi Qingxuan stiffens, and their vision goes black in an instant.

“Qingxuan.”

When Shi Qingxuan opens their eyes, the kitchen is gone.

Instead, their brother is glaring down at them, all the intensity of a stormy ocean in his eyes.

“Don’t make a fool of us,” he hisses under his breath, “or I’ll never forgive you.”

Even with the empty threat looming between them, Shi Qingxuan can’t stop themself from smiling. They squeeze the hand gripping his elbow reassuringly. “Don’t worry so much, Ge!” His face is still screwed up in a scowl, the crease between his brows growing deeper when Shi Qingxuan bumps their shoulders together. “It’s going to be fun! You do remember what fun is, right?”

He isn’t amused. “We aren’t here to have fun,” their brother reminds them. “The most important thing is-”

“Keeping up appearances,” Shi Qingxuan finishes monotonously, mimicking their brother’s usual tone. It’s the same spiel they’ve heard for the past few weeks leading up to tonight. They’re pretty sure they even heard it in their sleep. Their brother shoots them another glare for interrupting him. “I know, I know, but I’m allowed to at least have a good time! After all, it’s my first Mid-Autumn Festival!”

It’ll be the first event they attend after ascending to the heavens. How could they not be excited? Shi Qingxuan has taken every opportunity they got to meet other heavenly officials here and there, but this will be the first time everyone is together in one place. It’ll be a chance to really get to know their colleagues! If they’re all going to spend the rest of eternity together, Shi Qingxuan might as well start forging friendships as soon as possible.

Plus, there’s the Battle of the Lanterns at the end of the night! Shi Qingxuan is practically vibrating from the anticipation of seeing how many lanterns their brother will get- how many they will get.

Their brother is unmoved. “You’ll have hundreds more,” he says. “Control yourself. Don’t drink too much.”

“I know, ge.” Really, does he have no faith in them?

Shi Qingxuan catches sight of the crowd gathering for the banquet and tries to break away from their brother, but he catches their wrist before they can get too far. “And don’t talk too loud.”

“Uh huh,” Shi Qingxuan agrees without really hearing him. Look at all the heavenly officials! And they’re all starting to look at the sibling duo, too! It is their debut together as gods, after all.

“And don’t-” Their brother tugs on their wrist harshly so they’re forced to turn and face him, too close for Shi Qingxuan’s comfort. “-under any circumstance mention the Reverend of Empty Words,” he whispers, breath hot against their face.

Shi Qingxuan blinks in surprise. Why would they ever bring that up to another heavenly official? As it is, they hardly ever even talk about it with their brother. There’s an unspoken agreement between the two of them to act like the Reverend of Empty Words never even existed. “I won’t,” Shi Qingxuan promises softly.

Their brother lets them go. “And change out of that form,” he finishes, turning away in disgust. “You look ridiculous.”

Shi Qingxuan swishes their skirt back and forth with a twist of their hips and smiles to themself. Ge really is no fun! They actually think they look quite pretty, thank you very much.

As soon as they reach the banquet, Shi Qingxuan and their brother are swarmed by heavenly officials who are eager to greet the newly ascended god.

“You’re the new Wind Master, right?”

“It’s Shi Qingxuan, isn’t it?”

“…’s brother?”

“I thought you were a man…”

“I can be both!” Shi Qingxuan explains with a giggle “My spiritual power is actually much more abundant like this!” The officials around them ooh and ahh to each other and nod in understanding.

From the edge of the crowd, their brother scoffs and shakes his head in disappointment. Shi Qingxuan tries to ignore the flush of shame that heats their face. “Behave,” he mouths before disappearing into the throng of heavenly officials.

Almost immediately, Shi Qingxuan forgets to be guilty as they’re bombarded with questions from their fellow gods: Where are they from? How did they ascend? Could they put in a good word for so and so to their brother? They spent so long hidden away while on earth, constantly on the run from the Reverend of Empty words, that they’d forgotten what it’s like to be the center of attention.

They’re in the middle of telling the story of the Terrace of Cascading Wine when they notice the heavenly officials around them are starting to lose interest. The crowd dwindles and reconvenes at the edge of the banquet. The buzzing that filled the air when Shi Qingxuan first entered with their brother shifts to focus on something else- someone else.

“He’s really here?”

“Are you sure?”

“Lord Earth Master has made an appearance!”

Shi Qingxuan cranes their neck and tries to catch a glance at who the heavenly officials are crowding around, but it’s hard to see. “What’s this about the Earth Master?” They turn to one of the gods still by their side.

Up until now, they’ve met all the other elemental masters: their brother, of course, Lady Rain Master when she ascended to the heavens to politely welcome Shi Qingxuan, the Thunder Master for a brief moment when he was leaving a meeting with the Heavenly Emperor. But Shi Qingxuan has yet to introduce themself to the Earth Master.

“He’s always been quite elusive!” the heavenly official explains excitedly. “No one has ever seen him before! Some of us started to think that maybe he was only a myth made up by Jun Wu.” She looks embarrassed at the admission and waves her hands frantically. “O-Only as a joke, of course! Don’t tell anyone I said that.”

Shi Qingxuan nods along. They can understand the enthusiasm, then. “Why show himself now?” they can’t help but ask. If he spent so long avoiding the heavens, why is he finally leaving his seclusion for the Mid-Autumn Festival? It seems like quite a jump, going from total seclusion to being surrounded by heavenly officials.

“Perhaps he wants to meet you, my lord,” she says. “Everyone has been quite excited for the first festival with all of the Elemental Masters now that you’re here. It’s entirely possible he caught wind of it- no pun intended, of course.”

Interesting. Now Shi Qingxuan has to introduce themself.

They thank her before approaching the crowd. It’s already thinning, the retreating heavenly officials muttering under their breaths about how rude the new generation of gods are and how humanity is doomed. Shi Qingxuan can finally spot the person in the center. No wonder everyone is leaving: the glower on the Earth Master’s face is enough to drive away anyone with half a mind.

Good thing Shi Qingxuan isn’t just anyone! They’re the Lord Wind Master Qingxuan- Lady Wind Master right now, actually, and they will be making friends tonight.

“Lord Earth Master!” Shi Qingxuan shoulders past two heavenly officials to greet him.

He’s quite handsome up close, even with his features screwed up in a frown: high cheekbones, strong brows, dark eyes flashing with annoyance. His hair is tied up with an elegant gold crown, a loose strand curling in front of his face. Despite being the Earth Master, he’s dressed in all black instead of the yellow shades associated with his domain. Odd, but Shi Qingxuan supposes it isn’t their place to judge.

The Earth Master turns to them, his gaze darkening. He doesn’t even grace them with a response. His eyes quickly take in their appearance, sweeping from their face down to their feet in one glance.

“You probably don’t know who I am, ha ha,” Shi Qingxuan continues brightly, undeterred by his silence. “I’m the new Wind Master.” They put their hands together and bow. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

He blinks once. Still nothing.

“Is this your first Mid-Autumn Festival too?” they ask. “I’m really looking forward to the Battle of the Lanterns. I’ve heard it’s quite the event! Last year, my brother almost got four hundred lanterns! I was so proud of him.”

At the mention of their brother, the Earth Master turns and makes his way to the banquet table. The throng of officials from before part on both sides to allow him through. Shi Qingxuan follows closely behind and tries not to feel a little disheartened. Okay, maybe they shouldn’t brag about Ge’s accomplishment. Perhaps the Earth Master is very self-conscious about the amount of lanterns he gets! It’s possible they might have offended him.

He takes a seat at the table as far away from the rest of the heavenly officials as possible. Shi Qingxuan sits beside him and scoots her chair closer so they can hear each other properly over the cacophony of voices around the table. The Earth Master grimaces when their knees brush together.

“How many lanterns did you get last year?” Shi Qingxuan asks. “I’m sure with all the help you give mortals, it was a great amount.” The Earth Master ignores them and starts to serve himself from the buffet in front of them, piling a plate high with food. “Ge told his followers to build a divine statue of me in one of his temples, so I’m hoping for at least a few. Even one would be nice, but I’m trying not to get my hopes up.” The Earth Master chews on a chicken leg, cleaning it of all its meat and then sucking on the bone. “Oh, ha ha, maybe a better question is how many did you get your first year? Was it very many? Do you think I’m being unrealistic-?”

Finally, he turns his full attention to them. “Do you ever stop talking?” he snaps. Shi Qingxuan quickly shuts their mouth.

“I can be quiet!” they squeak. “Quiet is good too. It can be good for the soul, you know? Silence speaks louder than words, and whatnot-”

“You are still talking.”

“Right! Sorry!”

Shi Qingxuan fiddles with the tassels on their belt as the Earth Master goes back to eating. It’s quite incredible how fast he puts down his food. A bit gross, too. But Shi Qingxuan finds they can’t look away.

From the other end of the table, Shi Qingxuan’s brother is talking to two heavenly officials. Shi Qingxuan recognizes them as the martial god and the civil goddess that became fast friends with him when he ascended. The three of them are already making a reputation for themselves as the most insufferable heavenly officials of all. Even from this far away, Shi Qingxuan can hear them throwing insults at each other and laughing as they take turns being the brunt of cruel jokes.

Shi Qingxuan wrinkles their nose at the sight of those three. Really, Ge? You couldn’t find someone less terrible to be friends with?

Beside them, the Earth Master follows their gaze. His frown returns in full force. Ah, he must have heard of the Three Tumors then. How unfortunate.

“That’s my brother in the middle,” Shi Qingxuan leans in and explains. “He’s a bit mean, and kind of hard to be around sometimes, and he makes me cry every now and then… but h-he’s not so bad once you get to know him!” They sound unsure even to their own ears. Oh, who are they kidding? Ge, why must you make yourself sound so awful? Be a little nicer, won’t you…

“Hm,” is all the Earth Master says before going back to his meal. He chews at another chicken leg with malice, teeth gnashing hard enough that Shi Qingxuan can hear them click together with each bite.

Ah, he seems to have already formed his own opinion of Shi Qingxuan’s brother- one that certainly doesn’t seem to be too positive. Shi Qingxuan needs a way to save this conversation! If anyone can do it, it’s them! Shi Qingxuan scrapes their mind for what little they know about the Earth Master. They were told his name at some point. Isn’t it…

“Ming-xiong,” Shi Qingxuan says.

The Earth Master pauses. Once again, his dark eyes are trained on Shi Qingxuan. They find they quite like it when they manage to grab his full attention. It’s sort of like being rewarded for a difficult challenge. “What did you call me?” he asks.

“Ming-xiong,” Shi Qingxuan repeats. “Your name is Ming Yi, right?” The Earth Master- Ming Yi- narrows his eyes. “Mine is Shi Qingxuan.” They place a hand on their chest and smile.

“I know.”

Oh! So he has heard of them! Word must travel far. “You can call me Shi-xiong, if you’d like!”

“No.”

Shi Qingxuan’s smile strains. “I only mean, since we’re both Elemental Masters-”

“No.”

Shi Qingxuan wilts. What are they doing wrong? It’s as if every conversation point just makes him more and more annoyed with them. Does Ming Yi hate them? They feel like Ming Yi hates them…

“Do you hate me, Ming-xiong?” they ask, just to be sure.

Ming Yi eyes them coolly, twisting a chicken bone between his lips as he sucks the marrow out of it. “Should I?”

“No!” Shi Qingxuan blurts. The last thing they need is to make enemies with a heavenly official! That is the opposite of their goal here! “If anything, I want to be your friend.”

“My friend,” Ming Yi echos.

He doesn’t seem completely repulsed by the idea. At least he didn’t outright say he hates them, so Shi Qingxuan feels a little more hopeful. “It would be nice, don’t you think? As fellow Elemental Masters.”

Ming Yi glances at the moon in the distance. It’s larger than it ever was on earth, hanging low in the sky and illuminating Ming Yi’s sharp features. “Hmm.” Hey, it’s not a no! That’s a start.

Shi Qingxuan pours them both a bowl of the wine that’s in the middle of the table. They push Ming Yi’s towards him before lifting their own. “To new friendships?” they toast, a little unsure if Ming Yi is going to humor them.

It takes him a long moment, but to their surprise, Ming Yi eventually raises his bowl with them. He only responds with a noncommittal grunt, but it’s more than enough for Shi Qingxuan.

The second time Shi Qingxuan meets Ming Yi, it’s on a beach in the early morning with the sun starting to rise on the horizon and the tentative promise of the future between them-

Shi Qingxuan jerks their head up with a sharp gasp.

One of the waitresses, Meng Qiao, helps them sit up with a hand on their elbow. “Are you alright?” she asks, worry etched in her features. She’s always been kind to them, quickly becoming someone they could consider a friend in the short time they’ve worked together. “You hit your head hard when you fell down. I could hear it from the other room.”

Now that she mentions it, they feel a sharp throb of pain where their skull must have bounced off the ground. Shi Qingxuan rubs the back of their head and prays that a lump doesn’t form. The one thing they’ve got going for them is their appearance, okay? A big lump would be ugly and unsightly and probably very difficult to hide even with their hair-

Wait, what even just happened? One minute they’d been scrubbing dishes, and the next…

The daydream lingers in the forefront of their mind, just as vivid as their nightmare from before. It’s as if someone ripped Shi Qingxuan from the real world, dumped them into the world of their imagination, and then threw them back into reality in the blink of an eye. They struggle to bring themself to the present, still stuck in the banquet lit by moonlight.

Is this going to become a common occurrence? It’s very inconvenient.

They finally take notice that a few of the cooks and another one of the waitresses are gathered around the two of them, all with varying looks of concern and surprise. No one has taken the initiative to turn off the sink, so water spills over and pools onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan’s skirt is already soaked through.

The cup they’d been holding when they fell must have shattered on the ground. Shards of glass stab into the hand Shi Qingxuan is using to hold themself up. When they lift their hand, blood oozes from a long gash on their palm.

“Oh!” Meng Qiao blurts, At the sight of their wound, her face goes a little green. She gestures for one of the cooks to hand her a rag that hangs from his apron, and she quickly wraps it around Shi Qingxuan’s hand. “Keep pressure on that. I’ll go grab the first aid kit and let the boss know what happened.”

Shi Qingxuan jerks to full awareness at the mention of their boss. They shake their head frantically. “No, no, don’t trouble him-”

“Qingxuan,” Meng Qiao says very sternly. It shuts them up in an instant. “If you think you’re going back to work after passing out like that, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“Really, I’m alright. I just need a minute-”

“Someone grab them a cup of water,” she ignores Shi Qingxuan. One of the waitresses grabs a glass and fills it with tap water from the sink that’s still running. Thankfully, she turns it off afterwards before they can flood the kitchen.

Shi Qingxuan stares off into the distance as their coworkers ask if they’re okay. They bob their head along to their questions, not fully listening. Eventually, Shi Qingxuan is left alone as everyone returns to what they were doing before- they have a restaurant to run, after all.

Shi Qingxuan nurses the cup of water close to their chest and takes little sips every now and then. They’re left to stew in their own thoughts.

This was… new.

For one, they’ve never had such a vivid vision happen in the middle of the day. The deja vu was one thing, and even the nightmare was alright, but completely blacking out is not nearly as easy to keep under wraps. If this keeps happening, it would prove to be quite a problem.

And up until now, this problem never involved Ming Yi.

Even if it hadn’t been a conscious decision to bring Ming Yi into their dream world, Shi Qingxuan can’t help but feel guilty. He hadn’t asked to be Shi Qingxuan’s friend, much less to be a part of their weird delusions. If he found out, would he be upset? Would he push Shi Qingxuan further away, widening the distance that already stretches between them? Shi Qingxuan has worked hard to close the gap between them. It would be a shame if they messed up now.

He’d look so surprised when Shi Qingxuan called him Ming-xiong on the beach, as if he’d heard them say it before-

Their head explodes with pain. Shi Qingxuan clutches their head in their hands and groans, low and wounded.

“Qingxuan.” They look up and squint in the harsh fluorescent light. Meng Qiao holds the first aid kit in her hands, and their boss stands behind her. Did she really have to involve him? It really wasn’t that big of a deal! Everyone blacks out and dreams of a completely different reality every now and then, right?

“I’m fine now, I promise!” Shi Qingxuan says. “I just, um, slipped?” Meng Qiao shoots them a look, unimpressed, before kneeling on the ground beside them. She takes away the rag from Shi Qingxuan’s hand and starts to wrap a roll of bandages around it instead. It stings where she wraps the bandaging a little too tightly, but at least the bleeding has finally slowed down.

Their boss frowns down at them. “Qingxuan, if you’re not feeling well-”

“I’m not! I mean-” They try to gesture with their hand, but Meng Qiao keeps their wrist in place with a firm grip. Reluctantly, they stay in place so she can finish dressing their wound. “I do feel well! I feel so well right now, actually. Never been better, ha ha!” Nevermind their pounding headache or their hand that’s out of commission or their mental state that seems to be falling apart with every passing minute. Really, there’s no need for everyone to be so worried!

Meng Qiao and their boss exchange a glance. Shi Qingxuan has a feeling that they don’t sound very convincing.

“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?” their boss suggests gently. “Go home and get some rest.”

“But-”

“Go home,” Meng Qiao repeats, harsher than their boss had been. Shi Qingxuan has a feeling that even if they could convince their boss to let them stay, Meng Qiao would still chase them out of the building.

As Shi Qingxuan gathers up their belongings, an idea forms in their mind.

They’ve tried medications to fix their problem, but…

What if it’s a problem that can’t be fixed with any conventional means?

Shi Qingxuan can only think of one person who might be able to help them. They pull out their phone and start to punch in numbers on the keypad.

Before Shi Qingxuan parted ways with Xie Lian, he handed them a business card and said, “In case you ever need anything else.” At the time, Shi Qingxuan hadn’t been sure what exactly he’d be able to do for them- after all, as kind as he’d been, he was still just some weird guy they met in the back alley at work. They knew nothing about him. To anyone else, it probably wouldn’t be the wisest idea to seek out his advice.

But Shi Qingxuan trusts Xie Lian, for whatever reason. They’ve got to trust their intuition, right?

Shi Qingxuan looks down at the business card in their hands. It’s incredibly plain, with the word Hualian and a phone number underneath it. The outline of a butterfly in silver is the only real design on the card. No business listed. No names. No email or social media. Nothing.

It should strike Shi Qingxuan as strange, but strange is sort of becoming the new norm for them.

Xie Lian is already waiting for them when they arrive at the teahouse they’d agreed to meet at, talking quietly to Hua Cheng with a hand gripping his arm and his body leaning in close. He pulls away as soon as he notices Shi Qingxuan. “Shi Qingxuan,” Xie Lian greets them with a gentle smile.

“You’re late,” Hua Cheng says, his mood soured now that he isn’t the center of Xie Lian’s attention. Shi Qingxuan frowns and flips open their phone to check the time. They’re ten minutes early.

“It’s good to see you again,” Xie Lian continues without pause. Shi Qingxuan has a feeling he’s used to his partner’s… less than kind way of speaking. “You had something you wanted to talk about?” Shi Qingxuan takes the seat across from Xie Lian.

There’s a few things Shi Qingxuan would like to touch on, but they’ll start with what they’ve been itching to tell Xie Lian for some time now. They reach across the table and eagerly take his hands in their own. “It was just as you said!” Shi Qingxuan exclaims. Their table gets a few strange looks from the other patrons. “With the Scrap Immortal and the Ghost King,” they explain, their voice lower than before but just as excited. “I can’t thank you enough for your advice. I’ve been having the best luck lately!”

“Ah, I’m glad.” Xie Lian squeezes Shi Qingxuan’s hands in his own. “It’s mostly thanks to the Ghost King, of course.” His gaze flits to his partner briefly.

Hua Cheng leans an elbow against the table and props his chin in his hand. “Don’t slight the Scrap Immortal’s powers like that.”

“Ah, but the Ghost King is the one with all the luck.”

“But his luck only exists because of his love for his husband.” Xie Lian ducks his head and looks away, trying to hide the smile spreading across his face. Shi Qingxuan has the very distinct feeling they’re intruding on something.

Especially since Hua Cheng is glaring at them, then down at their hands joined with Xie Lian’s, then back up at their face again. Shi Qingxuan quickly lets go of him before they can get their head bitten off. Don’t look at me like that! They’re not trying to steal your man! He’s not even their type!!

Thankfully, Shi Qingxuan is saved from an early demise by one of the wait staff setting down a tray with an ornate tea set onto their table.

Hua Cheng takes it upon himself to grab the teapot and start pouring tea into one of the cups. “All your prayers have been getting answered?” Xie Lian asks Shi Qingxuan, having regained his composure. There’s a regal air to him when he sits up straight, and Shi Qingxuan finds it hard to look away.

“I mean, I didn’t exactly pray for much,” Shi Qingxuan admits a little sheepishly. “Just for some help, and I’ve certainly been getting it.” Are prayers usually more specific? They should try asking for a new house or maybe a hot boyfriend.

Hua Cheng picks up the cup and gently blows on the steaming tea before handing it to Xie Lian. “Be careful, gege. Don’t burn your tongue.”

“Ah, thank you, San Lang.” Hua Cheng waits for Xie Lian to take a delicate sip from his drink before he starts to pour another cup. “Shi Qingxuan,” Xie Lian starts slowly as he sets his teacup down, “forgive me if I’m wrong, but I can’t help but get the feeling there was more you wanted to discuss.”

Hua Cheng starts to drink his own tea, the third teacup meant for Shi Qingxuan left empty for them to pour themself. Honestly, Shi Qingxuan shouldn’t have expected anything different. They reach across the table to take the teapot, but Xie Lian holds out a hand to stop them.

Xie Lian turns to his lover and looks at him sternly for a long moment. That’s all it takes. Hua Cheng sighs and reluctantly pours Shi Qingxuan their tea.

Shi Qingxuan gathers their thoughts. They don’t speak until after they’ve taken a sip from their teacup. Flavor explodes on their tongue, an intense mixture of spices and earthiness and the faintest bit of sweetness. Ah, it figures that Xie Lian’s taste in tea is just as wise as his advice.

“You’re right,” they finally admit. “There’s something more. Something… troubling me.”

Worry etches itself into Xie Lian’s features. “Oh, is there something you’ve prayed for that’s gone unanswered? Did I- Did the god and the ghost king forget something?”

“No, no.” Shi Qingxuan shakes their head. “It’s something else entirely. I…” They look down into their teacup at their reflection, disturbed by ripples in the deep amber liquid. “Xie Lian, you’re a very spiritual person, aren’t you?”

A small pause. “I’d like to think so, yes.”

“Then I’m hoping perhaps you can help me with a problem less about material things and more about the soul.” It sounds silly now that they’re saying it out loud- and it must be, since Hua Cheng lets out a snort. But Xie Lian’s expression doesn’t falter. If anything, he looks more worried than before.

“Perhaps,” he agrees softly, brows furrowed together. “What is it?”

Shi Qingxuan inhales sharply. “I have this…” They trail off as they think of the best word to explain it. “Problem.” They trace the rim of their teacup with one finger. They hesitate. “Sometimes, I see these things that have never happened to me, but they feel impossibly real. Places I’ve never been.” Shi Qingxuan thinks of the nameless brother that plagues their mind and frowns. “People I’ve never met.”

They look up, fully expecting Xie Lian to be just as confused as they are. But his face has gone pale. “Like what?” he asks, voice small.

“Like…” Shi Qingxuan laughs once, nervously. “Oh, gosh, this is going to sound ridiculous, so don’t judge me alright?” They start to twirl a strand of hair around one finger. “Like, I have this friend in real life, right? But the other day I had a daydream that we were in a completely different time period. And we were both women...”

They tug a little too hard on their hair to ground themself as they start to slip back into the vision, their scalp prickling with pain.

Ming Yi shielded her face with her sleeve as Shi Qingxuan fluttered their fan and kicked up gale force winds around them. With a flick of their wrist, they launched it in the direction of the group that had been following close behind them. Sand swirled and spun into a vortex strong enough to deter even the strongest of gods.

“That was the Crown Prince, right?” Shi Qingxuan asked, coughing up the sand that had gotten into their mouth. Ugh, remind them to close their mouth the next time they do this, won’t you Ming Yi? “With Nan Feng and Xuan Zhen?”

They’d heard about his third ascension, but with the incident going on in Banyue, they hadn’t had the time to properly greet him. Yet, he was already facing the wrath of the Wind Master. So sorry, Crown Prince of Xianle! Shi Qingxuan would apologize for their bad manners the first chance they got!

“En,” Ming Yi confirmed, brushing sand out of her hair with her fingers.

“And the fourth person?” Shi Qingxuan had only been able to make out red and white robes and the glint of a smile.

“Probably a stray.” Ming Yi lifted one shoulder in a disinterested shrug. “His Highness is famous for picking those up.”

Shi Qingxuan muffled a giggle behind their fan. “Ming-xiong, don’t talk about the Crown Prince like that! And General Xuan Zhen isn’t a stray!”

“You’re the one who said his name, not me.”

They took a hold of Ming Yi’s hand and tugged her in the right direction- just to remind her of their mission, of course! Not because Shi Qingxuan liked the feeling of her palm against theirs or anything. “What’s with the Generals’ appearances?” they wondered aloud. “Why bother using up extra spiritual energy like that?”

“Too embarrassed to admit they still care about their prince centuries later, but too stupid to come up with proper disguises.”

“Ming-xiong!” Shi Qingxuan squealed with glee. “So quick to talk about others today! And you say I’m the gossip!”

“You are.” Ming Yi grimaced, although it didn’t do much to mar her pretty features. Really, Ming Yi had gotten so good at coming up with a beautiful female form! If she kept it up at this rate, Shi Qingxuan would have to start taking notes.

Ming Yi let go of them and pulled up her hood. “We need to go while we still have a head start. They’re all formidable martial gods, so it’ll only slow them down for now.” Shi Qingxuan mourned the loss of Ming Yi’s hand in theirs. They flexed their fingers and thought about what it’d feel like to lace them between their friend’s-

Oh, Ming Yi was giving them that look- the one saved for when they started daydreaming in the middle of a conversation. Secretly, Shi Qingxuan liked that they had their own special Ming Yi looks, even if it was only because they’ve found a million ways to exasperate their friend.

“I can feel the resentful energy from here,” Shi Qingxuan shuddered. “You’re right, we don’t have a whole lot of time.” There was only a short window for them to catch whoever was feeding the ghosts in Banyue. This person might be very efficient, but so were Shi Qingxuan and Ming Yi! “Follow me!”

Shi Qingxuan took off into a sprint once more, a small smile making its way to their face when they heard the sound of their best friend’s footsteps pounding behind them.

Their tea has gone cold by the time they’re finished recounting the vision (with any mention of their conflicted feelings toward their friend omitted). “It’s random scenes like that,” Shi Qingxuan concludes their story. “They never make any sense to me, but when I’m in the…” Visions? Dreams? Memories? “It’s like I’m living them.”

Shi Qingxuan has been staring off into space for a few minutes now as they recalled the desert sun beating down on them and the urgency of their mission. They finally turn to Xie Lian, hoping he might have a simple explanation for them.

His face is white as a sheet, eyes wide open. Even Hua Cheng wears a conflicted expression.

“What, is it bad?” Shi Qingxuan asks, fear clutching at their chest. “Tell me it’s not bad. I hate bad news.”

“It’s…” Xie Lian’s hand is shaking when he picks up his teacup. “It’s not bad, necessarily.”

“And what is it, exactly?” It’s the question that’s been burning at the back of Shi Qingxuan’s mind for too long now. The visions all have too much consistency and are much too vivid for them to simply be dreams. They leave Shi Qingxuan missing the people that are in them, yearning to revisit the places of this other them.

Xie Lian shifts nervously in his seat. He exchanges a long look with Hua Cheng.

“It could mean nothing,” Xie Lian says quickly.

“It could mean a lot of things,” Hua Cheng says at the same time. They look at each other again, a silent battle raging between the two of them. Xie Lian seems to come out on top, because Hua Cheng eventually adds, “Or it could mean nothing.”

“It’s probably nothing,” Xie Lian affirms.

Okay, the last time Shi Qingxuan talked to Xie Lian, he had seemed more than happy to help. How come he’s so reluctant to offer any sort of advice now?

“And if it is something?” Shi Qingxuan tries again.

Hua Cheng leans forward, and Shi Qingxuan instinctually leans back away from him. “You said your friend’s name is Ming Yi?” he asks, skirting around their question. “The one in the visions?”

Shi Qingxuan can’t remember ever saying his name when telling their story, but they brush it off. Maybe it popped up once or twice without them realizing. Their mind has been a mess lately, so who’s to say? “That’s right.”

“And has he been in a lot of them?”

“Uh…” Shi Qingxuan bites the inside of their cheek. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit they’ve been dreaming about their friend. Not… Not like any of the visions have been scandalous or anything! “A few?”

Hua Cheng nods, as if he’d expected as much. “If you want them to stop, then you should stay away from him,” he says.

Without thinking for even a moment, Shi Qingxuan blurts, “No.” It surprises the couple across from them, but most of all it surprises themself.

They weren’t even close with Ming Yi! They’d only spoken a handful of times, so it wouldn’t be that big of a deal if they were to cut him off. It might make the weird visions stop, in which case Shi Qingxuan wouldn’t feel like they were going insane anymore, and things could go right back to the way they were before. Shi Qingxuan could keep rebuilding the life they’d worked so hard for.

But something stopped them.

“There must be another way,” they continue, growing more aggravated by the second. The thought of being without Ming Yi snaps something inside of them. They don’t want to lose him- they can’t lose him. “You haven’t even explained what the visions are.”

Xie Lian swallows heavily. “Shi Qingxuan,” he says quietly, “some things are best left unknown.”

“And if I do want to know?” Shi Qingxuan challenges. Xie Lian lowers his head.

There’s quiet for a moment as Hua Cheng refills Xie Lian’s teacup, only interrupted by the soft buzz of conversations happening around them and the clinking of silverware and dishes from other tables.

“I don’t yet know the extent of what your visions mean,” Xie Lian finally admits. “That’s what worries me. I’ll… I’ll have to look into it.” It isn’t an answer, but it’s something. It’ll have to do for now. Shi Qingxuan nods.

Hua Cheng hums thoughtfully. “Check our library first. I’m sure there’s something.”

“Of course. If not, I can always ask Ling Wen.”

“Pah, don’t even bother. She’s useless, just like the rest of her lot.”

Shi Qingxuan blinks. Somewhere in the back of their mind, something clicks into place. “Ling Wen,” they echo, the shape of the name oddly familiar on their tongue. Less of a name, actually, and more like a bad word since it was always spoken with bitter resentment. “Like my brother’s friend.”

Xie Lian and Hua Cheng both turn in their direction.

“Your brother,” Hua Cheng repeats slowly.

“I’ll look into your problem right away,” Xie Lian says.

Shi Qingxuan puts off thinking about their conversation with Xie Lian for now. If anything, it only raised more questions than answers.

Xie Lian has their number. If his research yields any results, he’ll be giving Shi Qingxuan a call. There’s no use worrying until then.

After all, there’s the Festival of the Eternal Sea to think about! Delicious foods to eat, fun festivities to attend, and a Ming Yi to hang out with!

Ah, speaking of Ming Yi…

It wasn’t until they started getting ready for the night that Shi Qingxuan wondered if Ming Yi was still coming. He had only agreed because Shi Qingxuan used their very effective pestering technique, refined after years of getting whatever they wanted as a spoiled only child.

What if he doesn’t show up? Shi Qingxuan doesn’t have any way to contact him and confirm the meeting time and place they arranged. Mentally, they kick themself for forgetting to ask for Ming Yi’s phone number. Somehow, that important detail had slipped their mind.

They’re sure they’ll still have fun even if Ming Yi doesn’t show up. Their friends will be there, and they’d be happy to spend time with them as well as catch up with whoever else they might run into. But… Shi Qingxuan really wants Ming Yi to come.

If Ming Yi does come to the festival like he promised, will he be wearing the same dark, modern clothes? Or will Ming Yi don more traditional wear, closer to the ornate robes Shi Qingxuan often sees in their dreams? A small part of Shi Qingxuan hopes that something will finally make sense if he does- like the two Ming Yi’s they’ve come to know will superimpose over one another and create one singular person who can finally explain what’s been going on.

“Earth to Qingxuan,” Meng Qiao says. “You’re spacing out again.”

“No, I’m not.” Again? They don’t space out that often!

“You are, because this will be the third time I’ve asked you to raise your arms.”

…Oh.

Shi Qingxuan lifts their arms for Meng Qiao to wrap the ribbons of their skirt around the front of their body. She takes a long moment to make sure they’re aligned in a neat, straight line before nodding for them to put their arms back down. Shi Qingxuan relaxes with a sigh.

“I’m glad we went with the teal,” Meng Qiao muses as she starts to tie a knot with the two strands of ribbons. “It suits you very well.”

They went shopping for hanfu together in the city not too long ago. Meng Qiao easily picked out a pretty pink outfit for herself, but Shi Qingxuan struggled to find something to wear. Nothing felt right- not that they knew what right was. But every time they held up a set of robes on a hanger to their body, something was… off.

I’d never wear this, they thought, quickly followed up with, How would I know? I’ve never even worn hanfu before.

Shi Qingxuan was about to settle with wearing regular clothes to the festival when they brushed their fingers against white and teal silk and felt an instant connection.

“It’s perfect!” Meng Qiao said. “Teal, like your name!” Even though they rolled their eyes at her, Shi Qingxuan ended up buying it.

“I think I’m doing this wrong,” Meng Qiao says with a frown. Her phone is propped up against a flower vase on the table, playing a Youtube tutorial for how to make a double-eared tie. Shi Qingxuan isn’t sure how many times she’s rewinded the video to watch the same step over and over again.

“Move over. I’ll do it.” Their other friend, Hao Jiayi, rises from her spot on the ground in front of the couch and bumps Meng Qiao out of the way with her hip. It only takes her seconds to tie the skirt properly, and she even adds two cute little bows with the extra ribbon hanging down.

Meng Qiao stares in wonder. “You make it look so easy…”

“Because it is easy.” Hao Jiayi goes back to doing her eyeliner on the floor in front of a tabletop mirror. Meng Qiao’s lower lip juts out in a pout.

Shi Qingxuan interrupts them before they can start bickering, “Thank you, Jiayi! I appreciate the help.” Hao Jiayi peeks over her mirror to stick her tongue out at Meng Qiao. Shi Qingxuan quickly steps between the two girls. “H-How do I look, Qiao-jie?”

Meng Qiao forgets to be mad at Hao Jiayi, grinning up at Shi Qingxuan instead. “You look wonderful, Qingxuan!” she says. She grabs their hands in her own and squeezes tight. “You’ll definitely impress that cute guy you’re talking to!”

Cute guy?! What cute guy? Point them to the cute guys, please! Their love life has been severely lacking.

Wait, the only guy they’ve talked about is…

Shi Qingxuan sputters. “You mean Ming Yi?” they ask in disbelief. “I’m not trying to impress him! And when did I ever say he was cute?!”

“The word you used was attractive,” Hao Jiayi corrects without looking up. “Practically the same thing.” She creates a wicked point to the wing of her eyeliner with just a flick of her wrist.

“No it’s not!” Shi Qingxuan argues. “Cute and attractive are two very different things! Lots of people are attractive!”

“No one introduces someone as attractive unless they’re into them,” Meng Qiao points out. For once, Hao Jiayi nods her head in agreement. Two against one! Unfair! Shi Qingxuan needs Ming Yi here so they’ll have someone on their side-

Wait, no. That’s the last thing they need!

Shi Qingxuan’s silence speaks volumes. Both friends give them a knowing look.

Instead of fighting their case, Shi Qingxuan only sighs in resignation. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Cute? Attractive? Who cares. With everything else they’ve got going on, a crush is really the last thing they need.

Their friends are kind enough not to push them further. Hao Jiayi pats the ground next to her and helps Shi Qingxuan sit down so she can do their makeup. She starts to dab foundation on their face while Meng Qiao squeezes onto the couch behind them and wraps their hair around a curling iron she’d plugged in precariously close to her flammable paper floor lamp.

Meng Qiao and Hao Jiayi discuss the route they plan on taking around town, but Shi Qingxuan is hardly listening.

Their Problem hasn't stopped- in fact, it’s gotten worse. There’s hardly a day now where Shi Qingxuan isn’t almost knocked off their feet with the sheer intensity of suddenly being ripped from what they’re doing and thrown into a false memory. It’s not like they can go home from work every time it happens, so they’ve had to stop waiting on tables and find smaller, safer tasks to do in case they pass out.

What really confuses Shi Qingxuan is the constant presence in their daydreams: Ming Yi. Sometimes the sole focus of their vision, sometimes standing quietly by their side as the scene plays out, but always there. Shi Qingxuan hasn’t met up with him since before their daydreams started, and they aren’t entirely sure what they’re going to do when they see him again. Shi Qingxuan is torn between desperately wanting to see Ming Yi again and wanting to run as far away from him as possible.

How is it possible to feel like they’ve known Ming Yi their entire life? How can they miss someone they only met a few weeks ago?

Two fingers pinch their cheek, and Shi Qingxuan lets out a startled whine. “Close your eyes,” Hao Jiayi repeats. She’s holding a brush in one hand with her palette balanced on one knee, her patience visibly waning. “Eyeshadow.” Obediently, Shi Qingxuan closes their eyes. Hao Jiayi brushes color onto Shi Qingxuan’s eyelid with a delicate hand, and they try hard not to shiver.

“Qingxuan,” Meng Qiao says from behind them, voice muffled around a mouthful of bobby pins as she fixes Shi Qingxuan’s hair into place, “are you going to be okay going out tonight?” Even though they can’t see her, they’ve been friends long enough that Shi Qingxuan knows there’s a worried downturn to the corners of her mouth by the tone of her voice.

“Ah, my leg pain isn’t so bad today.” Shi Qingxuan instinctively turns their head to face her, but they’re stopped by Hao Jiayi gripping their chin to hold them in place. “I took medicine earlier, so it should start to kick in soon-”

“Not that,” Meng Qiao interrupts. “You haven’t been yourself lately, and there’s the… the fainting spells you’ve been having.”

Guilt immediately washes over them for worrying her. Meng Qiao constantly checks in on Shi Qingxuan when they’re working the same shift, and she tells them to text her when they get home safely when it’s her day off. Even when they’re just hanging out like this, Meng Qiao glances at them from time to time as if worried they might topple over any minute. It makes Shi Qingxuan feel like a terrible friend!

“I’ll be fine,” they reassure her, forcing themself to sound cheery. “If anything happens, I’m sure Ming-xiong will catch me before I hit my head on the ground again, ha ha ha. He looks very strong, you know? His arms are quite big, ha ha. I’m sure I weigh nothing to him-” Are they rambling? They feel like they’re rambling.

“The guy you aren’t into,” Hao Jiayi clarifies helpfully before Shi Qingxuan can make a bigger fool of themself.

“Yes, that one.”

Shi Qingxuan keeps their mouth shut while their friends finish getting them ready- partly because Hao Jiayi is dabbing lipgloss onto their mouth with her fingertip, but mostly so they don’t make a bigger fool of themself.

Thankfully, Shi Qingxuan doesn’t have to stay quiet for too long. Excitement buzzes under their skin as Meng Qiao pins one last curl to the top of their head and Hao Jiayi sprays a setting spray to lock in their makeup. Who can blame them? Shi Qingxuan hasn’t had a fun night out in ages!

Shi Qingxuan reaches for the tabletop mirror to take a peek at themself, but Meng Qiao moves it just out of their reach. “You have to see the whole look altogether!” she says. She gets up from the couch and reaches out to help them off the ground.

Meng Qiao steers them to a stand up mirror that’s propped in the corner of the living room. She keeps her hands over Shi Qingxuan’s eyes, and they can’t help the laughter that bubbles in their chest. She’s taking this so seriously! Shi Qingxuan feels like a guest star in a reality makeover show!

“Ready?” Meng Qiao asks.

“I’ve been ready.” Shi Qingxuan tugs at her wrists. “Come on, I don’t want to be late and leave Ming Yi waiting-”

She takes away her hands, and Shi Qingxuan stares at their reflection.

And stares.

And stares.

“Jiayi,” Shi Qingxuan calls out weakly, “do you still have that red eyeliner?”

“Hmm? Yeah.” Hao Jiayi gets off the floor and hands it to them. “Why? Did I mess up your makeup?” She looks over Shi Qingxuan’s shoulder at their reflection, confused when she sees no obvious imperfections.

Shi Qingxuan uncaps the eyeliner pen with trembling hands and draws a simple huadian in the center of their forehead. Their arms drop back down to their sides, and Shi Qingxuan looks at themself for what feels like the first time.

For the thousandth time.

“I look like-” Shi Qingxuan twists from side to side to see themself from different angles. The person in the mirror follows their movements, long robes flowing around them in rippling teal and white waves of silk. “I look like me.”

Meng Qiao tilts her head. “Uh, yeah? Of course you look like you.” She watches as Shi Qingxuan leans closer to their reflection and pokes at their own face in wonder. “Who else would you look like?”

She doesn’t understand. How could she, when Shi Qingxuan doesn’t even understand themself?

“You’re sure you should be going out tonight?” Hao Jiayi asks slowly. Her and Meng Qiao meet each other’s eyes in the mirror, both wearing matching worried expressions.

“Of course.” Shi Qingxuan carefully pats the top of their head where loose waves of hair have been pinned up in an updo. They mourn their hair not being long enough for a hair pin or a crown. The half up, half down style it’s in is cute, but it doesn’t feel complete. “I’ll be perfectly fine. Besides, Ming Yi…”

Their gaze drifts to the clock hanging on the wall.

“Ming Yi!” Shi Qingxuan blurts. They’re running late! Oh, gods. The first time they’re spending time with their friend outside of their few coincidental run-ins, and Shi Qingxuan is already screwing things up!

They scoop up their keys and wallet and- shit, where is it?- frantically search for their phone. Shi Qingxuan is supposed to be a reliable friend! This is terrible for their reputation! They hurriedly push aside throw pillows and turn over the couch cushions in their desperate search. Phone, phone, phone… If Shi Qingxuan were a phone, where would they be-?

“Calm down,” Hao Jiayi cuts off their panicked internal monologue. She tosses them their phone, which had been sitting on the coffee table the entire time. “I’ll drive you so you don’t have to walk.”

Shi Qingxuan clasps their hands together and bows. “My life saver!” Their friendship with Ming Yi lives to see another day!

Hao Jiayi shakes her head as she grabs her coat and her car keys. “Just remember to invite me to the wedding,” she mutters under her breath. She narrowly avoids Shi Qingxuan’s attempt to hit her in the arm.

“Not into him!”

“Yeah, yeah…”