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The Inquisitor was tense. It wasn't surprising, really. From how they were raised, to being accused of terrorism against the Chantry, to being raised up as a religious figure for that same Chantry, only to then have the title of Inquisitor conferred to them. That alone would give a person nightmares. Then on top of that, to have to deal with the things they dealt with, after having confronted a demonic magister from ancient Tevinter, and having been beaten so horribly by that same magister? It was enough to drive anyone mad. To self-destruct as it were. That was what the inquisitor was doing after all, destructing. Bull had had enough.
Boss wasn't sleeping. That was obvious in the circles under their eyes. Boss barely ate. That was obvious anytime they were too badly wounded. Bull wasn't always out in the field, but he still saw enough of the Boss' ribs to know when they were losing weight. He'd seen the look in their eyes after each rift they sealed. It was like a drug to them, the adrenaline. Whether coming close to death for the chance of dying or to prove that they could handle it, Bull wasn't sure. Either one wasn't healthy, and either one would end badly in the end.
They'd only been at Skyhold a month, but Bull could tell that the magister had really fucked up the Boss. They didn't joke as much, though they still seemed to try. They would stare off, thinking, but not talking. Cole would start to talk for them, like the weird little kid would, but anytime the Boss realized it was about them, one look to Cole and the kid shut up faster than Bull when Krem gave him that same look. Something was eating at the Boss, and it was killing them, slowly.
Cole was a 'Spirit of Compassion', creepy little shit that he was, but he wasn't the only one who wanted Boss to be happy. Boss had been a good friend. Had accepted the Chargers. Had taken everything in stride, even while it was eating at them. Bull could respect that, and Bull would be lying if he said he didn't consider the Inquisitor his friend. It was with that goal of healing in mind that Bull climbed those hellish stairs. It felt wrong, a bit, going up to the Boss' room without an invitation, but they'd never given any indication that their door wasn't open to friends.
Bull knocked on the door, then waited a moment. He heard slight shuffling, and then the creak of the last flight of stairs being descended before the heavy oak door swung open.
"Bull? It's got to be, what, past midnight. What are you doing up?"
"I came up here to ask you that, Boss."
"What makes you think I wasn't in bed, fast asleep?"
"You're fully dressed, even wearing your boots still, and I didn't knock loud."
Boss flushed a bit. They probably weren't even aware they'd had that reaction.
"Yes, but you said that was why you came. So, you couldn't have know that until after I opened my door."
Bull gave a shrug,"Call it an educated guess."
The Inquisitor rolled their eyes,"Right, well, I'm a very busy leader, as you probably know, so if that's all..."
Bull shook his head,"You're busy, that's no lie, but you need to sleep."
"And how am I supposed to sleep when I'm busy talking to a Qunari Mercenary some time past the second bell?"
"Mind if I come in?"
The Boss blinked a bit, taken aback,"I... Well, why?"
Bull shrugged again,"I need to talk to you, Inquisition business actually. It's pretty important, and you're the only person I think can handle it."
The Boss mulled this over a moment. They were friends. Maybe not the closest of the 'Inner Circle', but certainly close enough for the statement to have been believable. It wasn't a lie either, just a bit of warped wording.
"I suppose, if it's really that important. It can't wait?"
"No."
Boss nodded, stepping backward, then turning and walking up the stairs. They were wearing the beige clothing they wore under their armour, and the boots they wore around Skyhold. Not at all what one would wear to sleep. Bull stepped over the threshold, ducking slightly and tilting his head to work his horns through the doorframe without nicking the woodwork. Climbing the stairs was awful, after climbing the 5 or so flights it was to the top of tallest tower in this fortress. The thinner mountain air didn't make the climb any easier. In the main room, the Inquisitor sat on their bed and gestured for him to take the lounge right next to it.
Bull nodded and sat, spreading his legs slightly as he leaned forward, looking intently at the somewhat frazzled Inquisitor,"A member of the inner circle is running themselves into the ground. Something's eating them up, but instead of confronting it, or confiding it to someone, they're ignoring it."
The Boss frowned, looking down at the blanket on their bed,"I... See... And what, pray tell, would I be expected to do about this?"
"Well, I figure you care about them, like you do most of the men and women in this organization. You'd want to make sure they stayed healthy, fit, happy even."
The Boss was biting at their lower lip, and Bull would tell they were thinking. Boss was always quick as a well-manned whip. Bull knew the Inquisitor wasn't fooled by the analogy. That belief was driven home when the Boss whispered.
"I see him. In my dreams."
Bull nodded, already knowing about who the Inquisitor spoke,"I figured as much. But, Boss, you can't... Bottle things up. That's how you'll break."
A clenched jaw, a deep breath. Fuck, they were worse-off than he thought. Bull stood, not wanting to hear whatever their excuse would be. Instead he knelt down and began to unfasten the clasps of their boots.
"B-...Bull, what are you doing?"
"Helping, Boss. Remember, I said you'd get more than the Chargers."
The Boss frowned, a hand clenching into the blankets. Boots were removed, then Bull stood, towering over the seated Inquisitor.
"You try to sleep, but any time you fall asleep, you relive Haven. You try to eat, but each bite chokes you as you swallow it. You take potion after potion, but you still feel weak, and you still feel the aches of past wounds. You start to enjoy a conversation, but then you remember that if you fail, the person you talk to won't exist. That nothing matters."
The Boss looked off the side, away from Bull, away from the room, eyes piercing the wall instead of any one object.
"I'm right, I can tell."
"I'm... I'm fine."
Their voice cracked, giving away the emotion bubbling just under the surface.
"Except that you're not."
A hand on their chest, pressing backward. He hoped they wouldn't take this wrong, but rather that they would trust his intentions. They did, leaning back onto their bed, closing their eyes. It didn't help, Bull still saw the tear sliding down into their hairline. He gripped their hips, turning them in line with the bed, helping them get positioned with the pillows under their head. The blankets he tugged out from under them, but didn't cover them. Instead pulling them down in a folded ripple at the foot of the bed, to be easily pulled up later.
"Just... Relax, Boss. Take a deep breath."
Jaw clenched again. They were really trying to maintain composure. Fucking... Bull wanted nothing more than to go slaughter something. To see the Boss so undone from just... Simple acts of caring. He stretched out a calloused hand, pressing lightly against the Inquisitor's sternum.
"Imagine this is you. Your being. Right here, in the centre of your chest. Imagine it's a ball of warmth, filling you."
They swallowed. He could see the small bob in their throat, before they took another breath.
"Good, just relax, and feel that."
He stroked over their stomach, then down their left leg,"Now feel that warmth, that essence of you, flow down and fill your leg. Feel that warmth crawl to your toes, pushing out anything but your own being."
He returned his hand back to their stomach, then on down their right leg,"Feel it flow down your right leg, warming muscles and pushing out anything that isn't inherently you."
Back to their sternum, and over their collarbone down the left arm,"Now feel it flowing to your fingers, even overtaking the anchor. Making it your own."
Once again, and down the right arm,"Feel it as it flows to fill you, warming and pushing and filling you with yourself, replacing everything else."
He placed his hand over the Boss' forehead,"Feel it crawl up your neck, to your mind. Feel it flush out anything harmful."
The last statement wasn't even needed. He could tell that somewhere along the line, the Boss had managed to fall asleep. Keeping the nightmares away wouldn't be so simple. He could only hope that by staying in the room, he'd be able to help if the Boss woke up. He stood up, stretched, and took off his own boots before laying on the lounge. It was a nice size, despite being inherently Orlesian. He knew he'd wake up if the Boss' manner changed, but as he fell asleep, he was confident that for at least this night, the Boss would get a good night's rest. Tomorrow, they could work on helping them understand; They aren't alone. They have a lot of people to help them protect the world.