Chapter Text
Well, at least I still have my wallet.
Kiwi plopped herself onto a park bench with her lunch—a fish sandwich on a warm, fresh-baked bun liberally slathered with Kewpie mayo—and a tourist brochure she plucked from a newsstand she happened across while looking for a seat. Not gonna lie, this place has some great food, at least. She'd had three meals since waking up in this place—the first because she was hungry, the second out of stress when she realized her situation, and the third now, simply because the smells from the stall were too good to pass up.
Awright, so where the fuck are we? As Kiwi took a big bite of her fish sandwich, she flipped open the tourism brochure. Ichigozaka? Never heard of it. Whew, this is hot. She puffed out a few breaths to try and cool her mouth down before swallowing. "Yowch. Good shit, though." Who am I talking to? Meh. Another bite, this one a bit more careful. "'kay, sho where're we at?" Man, I wish someone else was here. I'm dying on my own. Korisu doesn't talk, but at least she's a good listener...fuck, I'd even take that strawberry bimbo Haruka, she can prolly make decent conversation. Another bite as she read the details on different landmarks. Even that pug-faced bitch Kaoruko would be more stimulatin' than just sittin' here talkin' to myself on a park bench like a weirdo. At least I'd probably get to punch her in her ugly face and make it look a bit nicer.
Most of the entries didn't interest Kiwi at all—hiking up the mountain sounded like a fucking chore, and most of the other places were too quiet for her liking. She was starting to feel like she'd been thrown into some sleepy little backwater with nothing to do when she flipped the brochure over and saw something on the back that definitely got her attention. "KiraPati?" Another bite of the sandwich disappeared down her gullet as she read the blurb. "'Come an' see Ichigozaka's own KIRAKIRA Patissierie (KiraPati for short), a locally owned an' operated sweets shop featurin' creations from famous Parisian sweets chefs Ciel Kirahoshi an' Rio Kuroki...' Uh-huh, Parisian, sure, an' I'm fuckin' Vladimir Lenin." She stuffed the last of her sandwich into her mouth and licked her fingers clean. "Still, I wouldn't mind some dessert...that was pretty good, but fuckin' salty as shit. Need some sweet to balance it out..." God, who the fuck am I talkin' to? Christ. I'm goin' crazy.
She crumpled the wrapping of her sandwich into a ball and tossed it at the nearby trash can like she was trying to sink a basket. It bounced off the inside of the rim and overshot the opposite edge, ending up on the ground next to the can with its judgemental gaze locked on Kiwi. Well? Pick me up, fuckhead. You ain't going to that sweet shop until you deal with me.
Begrudgingly, Kiwi complied.
Kiwi felt lucky that she even had a phone still, let alone a cell signal. Sure, all of her contacts had gotten wiped somehow, and only one of her games worked right—thankfully her absolute favorite, Magia Collector—but she could still surf the internet and Google shit. She used the walk over to the shop to look up the two names mentioned on the brochure—Ciel Kirahoshi and Rio Kuroki. They were apparently twins, though Kiwi had no clue how, given they looked as different as night and day from each other. Both were famous, though it seemed Ciel was much more in the limelight than her brother, having won awards and such for her work and often working as a guest professor at culinary universities around the world.
Rio, on the other hand, lived a much more quiet life. According to the articles Kiwi found, he lived with his fiancee, a famous novelist named Tsubasa Mizuno, who he had a kid with...and apparently he ran a small restaurant there, which was really popular with the locals.
God, this is fucking dull. Am I even going the right way? Kiwi looked up from her phone and frowned. Shit all looks the same around here...fuck everything, how is a small town this easy to get lost in? She was about to turn around and retrace her steps to see if she recognized any landmarks—not likely, since this was a tranquil cobblestone path in a peaceful park, gag—when she heard two voices somewhere nearby. Curious, and feeling particularly nosy today, Kiwi followed them to try and eavesdrop on the conversation.
"—kira-chan, won't you come with me? It's been too long since we sat and had a long chat, just the two of us." A young man with his black hair pulled back into a short ponytail with the top two buttons of his silk shirt undone was speaking to a young woman in a two-tone shirt and skinny jeans with a ponytail of her own—long, red, and flowing down to her waist even though it was pulled up high.
"Takeru-san, with all due respect, I'm very busy today, and—"
"Ah, really? That's a shame, considering I've already made the reservations at KiraPati. It's quite hard to secure one of those, even during the weekday down times, you know. You wouldn't want my money to go to waste...would you, Akira-chan?"
"I didn't say that, Takeru-san. Like I said, I'm just—"
Oh. Kiwi saw what was going on here, and she saw an opportunity to both cause trouble and get directions. Win-win! She waited until both were turned away from her, then made her move.
"You know, Akira-chan, I happen to know—OW!" Kiwi grabbed his ponytail and yanked, causing him to have to lean backwards to avoid falling over. The red-haired girl jolted back in surprise, looking at Kiwi with wide eyes. "What the hell—?! Let go, you little brat! Do you know who I am?!"
"No," Kiwi said flatly. "And I don't care, either."
"You—!"
"And far as I can see, it doesn't matter." Kiwi jabbed a thumb at the redhead. "She said 'no', fuckass. What kinda man keeps pushin' after a girl says no? I'll tell ya—a guy who's got a dick the size of those baby corn I always pick outta my stir-fry an' can't get it wet without wavin' his money or status around." Kiwi released his ponytail.
Takeru quickly stumbled upright, teeth bared in a snarl and cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he turned to Kiwi. "You cheeky little bitch! Where do you get off on treating the mayor's son like this?!"
Kiwi shrugged. "Bro, I don't even live here."
"Hmph...you'll regret this. I—"
"Know people that can make my life a livin' hell, yeah, I've seen the movies. Button up your shirt, by the way, you ain't got nearly enough definition to pull it off."
He was getting more enraged by the second, something Kiwi found beyond hilarious. "That's it, I've had enough of you!" He lashed out at Kiwi in a blind rage, looking to grab her or shove her down.
Almost nonchalantly, Kiwi grabbed his wrist and stepped aside, swiping a foot at his right ankle to trip him up and send him toppling to the ground face-first. Before he could get up, she threw all of her weight down onto his back, knocking the wind out of him and pinning him down as she torqued his arm upwards in an armbar. His indignant tone quickly gave way to frantic thrashing and pleading.
"W-Wait, wait, I'm sorry! I didn't mean anything by it, i-it was just—owowowow, my shoulder!"
"Not so tough now, are ya? Now, apologize to her."
"S-Sorry, Akira-chan! I-I won't do it again! G-God, you're going to break my arm, quit—"
"Good boy." Kiwi wrenched his arm again, earning a high-pitched cry of pain. "Now, you're gonna leave girls alone from now on if they say no, right?"
"R-Right, absolutely!"
"Not gonna threaten anyone into a date?"
"Wh-Whatever you say!"
"Not gonna send your thugs after anyone that pisses you off?"
"N-Never again!"
"Good!" Kiwi released his arm, causing him to practically yelp in relief. "Oh, and if I catch wind that you're pullin' any of that fuckboy bullshit again? I'm gonna find you an' shove a fuckin' miter saw up your ass, noodle-dick."
"I-I won't, I swear! Never again!" He was practically hysterical with fear as Kiwi got up off of him.
"Good, now fuck off." With one last boot to the ass, Kiwi sent him running, cradling his arm all the while. "There we go...one less jackass harassing women to worry about." Kiwi dusted off her hands, then turned to the ponytailed redhead, who still looked awestruck...and a little afraid. "He ever bothers you again, you come find me, 'kay? Name's Kiwi Araga."
The redhead blinked a couple more times. "Kiwi, then." Still seemingly in shock, she offered a hand to Kiwi. "Erm...Akira Kenjou. This is...quite a way to meet someone, but I appreciate your help."
Kiwi grinned. "You can thank me by showin' me the way to KiraPati, Akira-chan." She clapped her hand into Akira's to shake it, but tensed up when she felt a spark of some kind course into her palm, up her arm, and burst like a firework in her brain. She was too busy with the fuckboy to notice it earlier, but now that they were this close it was unmistakable.
God damn.
I can smell the dog on this bitch.