Chapter Text
I
The distant sound of the buzzing light in the bathroom had been bothering Rain since he woke up. Granted he didn't wake up until it was 2 pm but even 4 hours later, he hadn't gotten up to stop it. He simply laid in bed, tossing and turning. An irritating feeling in his guts. His phone had been gone, discarded somewhere the ghoul didn't even remember, the battery dead. He laid, breathing. Even that was annoying him.
It's not like he didn't see the sign of his mental health declining again but he thought foolishly that he could manage it. He couldn't. Of course he couldn't, it wasn't the first time it happened. Everytime it was just as bad, at least for how he felt on the inside. Most of the time he could act like everything was fine, like being stuck with his thoughts wasn't a constant pain. Though when he couldn't actually deal with his brain he would isolate himself for days or weeks.
He didn't eat today, barely yesterday and the day before, his body felt too heavy to move more than he already had. At similar intervals his stomach kept rumbling and hurting more as time went on. But he could manage this type of pain and the dizziness it came with.
When he did eat, he would force it all out again. Not because he wanted to, but the voice in the back of his head was just too loud. It would not shut up until Rain finally gave in. The ghoul knew it would most likely not improve as time went on. He ate enough to stay alive but definitely not enough to be healthy.
The only food he could muster were some granola bars and other "knick knack" that he had hid in his drawers under his folded clean shirt. A weird habit to most people that stuck with the boy all his life. Hiding food. He thought it was really dumb, who at the ministry would care enough to take food away from him? If anything the people around wanted him to eat. He simply couldn't help it. When Swiss found out he called him a squirrel and it made Rain laughed before reminding the multi ghoul that his name is literally Swiss, like a squirrel. He's not sure he would be able to laugh at the joke now.
Not many had came to check up on him since the awful week had started, but after all they had just came back from touring. At first they all came momentarily to check up on him but with the lack of response they got they chose better to drop it. After all if Rain did want help, he would ask for it right?They all knew it would most likely not be the case but no one wanted to force him when he wasn't mentally ready. They knew from past episodes that it was better to let the storm calm itself before helping in any way.
Besides, Mountain was probably busy with the gardens, Phantom helping Aether and Omega at the Infirmary, Swiss had definitely been going around bothering whoever he could and doing small tasks for everyone. The ghoulettes had been meaning to clean out the den for a while now so that was probably what they've been up to. He didn't even want to think about how much work poor Copia had now that they came back at the abbey.
The older ghouls were out of question, even the water ghouls. They wouldn't check up on him. He wasn't really close with them. The conversations were polite, friendly sure but they weren't really friends.
Sodo was the one who came the most frequently. He had came multiple times at the start of his isolation, he was told to fuck off by the water ghoul each time. He wanted him to care, to try and force his way in, do anything. Sodo never did, he knocked, waited. He waited so long, sat in front of the water's door, for it to open, to see Rain, to hug him. That didn't happen. He cared, so much in fact it hurt. Sadly he couldn't really do anything about it, Sodo simply let Rain have space to himself.
But that all meant that Rain was left alone, sulking in a dark and cold room.
He hated it. Hated how the others, his friends, didn't even question him when he said he was fine. Why would they? He hated how he isolated himself since they came back to the abbey. The water ghoul had convinced himself he was a burden and that they were all better without him in the way. So he hid, behind a locked door, in the shadows. He hated how cold his bed was, but he was the one who asked to be left alone and he was the one who pushed everyone away. The boy's mind was always circling with the same thoughts.
He simply hated himself.
He wanted to hurt himself for it.
He wanted the pain to be somewhere else than inside his chest.
He wanted to die.
No he simply wanted to disappear. Melt in the folds of his bedsheets, never to reappear.
